My fav music while coding: metal. Wich is urs? Lel

One of my favorite quotes:

"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"

Had to apply this liberally at my last job. Even had it posted at my desk for a time.

Lol
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When you SSH into the wrong server and accidentally shutdown the main site 😑

Trying to discover why the DB listener wasn't being called in my app for like 30min. Many log messages, no exceptions or errors, DB rules revised, DB content revised, changed constructors, simplified code and nothing worked... problem: the phone's wifi was disconnected.

*sees a bug on unprofessional website*
Me: tell the admin
Me to me: hack it

This would be neat

Morning
Close laptop lid to hibernate and put into bag for evening dev session

Evening
Pull out dead laptop that didnt hibernate when lid closed.

Ffffffffffuuuu---

The sales and business team at my office really look down at the devs. Just because we don't dress in fancy suits doesn't mean we are any less important that those asshats.

In fact we are probably a hell of a lot more useful since they cant land any sales since they barely have any idea what they are selling and the company is rapidly going under.
To give you an idea :
We recently changed office and one of them asked if they had had to be in the same workspace as the developers again?

Why do we need them?
Cant we outsource their jobs ?

Some of them dont even answer when you bid them good morning

And one douche bag even brought his bluetooth radio and refuses to use headphones , he keeps playing shitty music and disturbing us.

The company is kinda fractured and there is poor chain of command, so there is little we can do, telling dev management is fruitless he has no authority over the guy
And the business manager simply said oh you dont like good music then walked off.

One of the many things my non-programmer friends needs to learn.

Most progress/loading bars are fake.

"New" Microsoft features

How to get max value of an integer

Basic workflow for software deployment

I hate it when people rant that we need to call 'Ctrl, Alt & Delete' for help when we're in problem.

Real geek will use 'Ctrl + Shift + Esc'.

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

very long pause….

“Java.”

What the PMs always say: Always be thinking of ways to improve our system.

Me: Hey this is really poorly built. We should rebuild it before moving forward.

PMs: No just use the same code we used before. It was working so we don't need to rebuild it.

If I had a dollar for every time IBM disappointed me, I would buy IBM and turn it into a company that sells dildos and fake poop so their product would be more up front and direct.

The way to resolve the issues

When you install Java it says "3 billion devices run java"

Well I'm not sure how many of those devices actually respond

So I decided to give Linux a try again.

Created live usb. Prepared myself to go through all the hassles at the beginning.

Booted in live USB. I can't see mouse cursor.

Searched in google, apparently a common problem with GTX 1070/1080 graphics cards.

Installed proprietary nvidia drivers with keyboard only. Took me about 20 minutes.

Finally managed to get the mouse cursor and install ubuntu. Time to boot and smell the fresh air of linux again.

Sound card doesn't work. Even the integrated mobo sound card doesn't work. Looked for a solution, found the bug in lunchpad but not solution yet. Everyone recommending to buy an external sound card.

I can't code without music. Decided to remove linux.

Booted back to Windows and removed linux partition. That fucked up my bootloader although I installed linux's efi loader completely separately.

Now I am sitting in front of my computer, with black grub screen, while trying to make a Windows 10 usb with my 7 years old broken laptop.

Next time I see a rant about Windows 10 that glorifies linux, I swear I'm gonna smack your face over standard TCP/IP

Thanks buddy!

TL;DR, employers are often penny wise and pound foolish.

One morning, my vehicle had a potentially life-threatening condition that I needed fixed before I could drive to work. I was 3 hours late but made a productive day of it. Plus I had stayed late after work, for no pay, a couple of nights because I have the kind of work ethic that compels me to do weird stuff like that occasionally.

When the time clock report came out it showed I was 3 hours short for the pay period. I brought up that I had "paid it forward" a few weeks prior and asked for an exception based on that. I was told that a) all "extra" work had to have been approved prior to doing it and b) that pay period had already passed, so no, I'd need to make up the hours. Being pretty miffed at being so nickled-and-dimed, and for being expected to drive to work in spite of the possibility of losing my life, I just had them take it out of my time off.

Fast forward to my latest monthly review: After another potentially life-threatening vehicle breakdown and fix, I decided to ask whether I could have a couple of telecommute days per week to offset fuel and mileage to recover the repair cost for the wear and tear on my vehicle. The answer was "No, because then everyone will want to work from home and then we'd have no way to know if they're really working."

On that same day I got an offer for doing the same job at another company for 100% telecommute and at nearly twice the salary. I turned in my resignation two days later. Now they're scrambling to try to replace me.

- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- Yes
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*
- ಠ_ಠ
- (⌐■_■)

When speedtest.net takes 5 mins to open o_O

I accidently used the wrong language to code in... So I had to port my code over to the right one.

1.Open Xcode
2.Find 5GB update
3.Close and go back to Android studio.

How to get your long time pending payment?

I stopped the website and then client told me that website is not working and asked me to check what's wrong.

Me: Your cloud server has been disturbed by the recent cyclone, and I won't fix that until I get my pending payment.
Got all the pending payment instantly.

Coffee and wine are my life coaches.

Start of day
☕coffee: GO GET THEM TIGER!

End of day
🍷Wine: you'll get them tomorrow.

Just had a JS guy try some Visual Basic, learning about types.. finally he got the error:

Stackoverflow: (...)

His response:

"Oh! Like the website! That's so cool! Hey Brod, look what I did! 😀"

It was the cutest reaction I've ever seen to a error.