I put an Easter egg into a product, that if you enter the string "final countdown" into the stock code search field, it plays a YouTube vid of Europe's "The Final Countdown", in a hidden div. It's an in-joke for a few people in the company.

A well meaning maintainer with no sense of humour or judgement takes over and goes on the warpath against any hardcoded strings. The secret code gets moved into a config file.

A third developer changes the deployment script so that it clears any configs that aren't explicitly set in the deployment settings.

So the secret code is now "".

Literally every PC in the stock buying department is now blaring out "The Final Countdown" at top volume.

...Except none of them have speakers, so it remains this way for over a year and two more changes of maintainer.

I just noticed this afternoon and quietly re-hardcoded the string. The buying dept.'s PCs will silently sing no more.

The dev secret...

The secret to less stress!

Nothing​ is Secret Anymore.

The secret robot internet

How the fuck do people have an amazing GitHub profile full of contribution while still working and having a social Life??

Am I missing some secret or trick?

This struggle is real...

Most progress/loading bars are fake.

Every fkn 3 to 4 days, some random dev shows up in my office really really fkn confused and frustrated about something he doesn't understand - because I have a dark secret.

Sometime, in cold lonely nights, when no one is watching, I write my documentation before the actual code.

Somehow, sometimes documentation without code attached to it makes it to production.

Today someone yelled at me for wasting his time because he wasted 3 hours trying to find the code the documentation belongs to - and demented I stop the practice from now on.

Agh.

Was watching 'Johnny English Strikes Again' when I discovered a secret message in the movie.
Guys, MI7 is hiring C programmers!

I have my own secret script hidden in a /batcave dir on the production servers. It fixes everything the other devs usually manage to screw up.
I call it Batman.bat

The secret of a good code ?
The right cup size.

This project manager, man....

> Sends email to a client "Dear Ms X, here's your password for the Jira board: [...] Please handle it with care and keep it secret."
> Email goes out to 5 people.

We all have a Superpower!
But we must keep it a secret....

Sometimes the stack exchange sites have some true hidden gems

So, as everyone knows on here by now (or, a lot of ranters), I am a fervid privacy person.

Appearantly a new surveillance law in my country is about to extend mass surveillance/hacking a lot. So here a rundown of what they are about to be allowed to do (stuff that is not okay imo and this is the reason I am so pro-privacy):

- Mass Data Gathering: The intelligence agency over here (lets call it IA from now) can pretty much record everything send through the country.

- Extra Protection: If they want to conduct surveillance on journalists/lawyers, they have to go through extra channels first at least.

- Data/survaillance sharing: The IA is allowed to share their raw/filtered data with foreign intelligence agencies without limits. Also, they're allowed to conduct surveillance based on foreign requests.

- Secret DNA database: A secret DNA database will be created which can store the DNA profiles of any person who has commited any kind of crime. These profiles are allowed to be stored for a maximum of 30 years. This database is allowed to be shared with any foreign intelligence agency.

- Hacking: Unlimited power to hack any device deemed neccesary to hack in relation to crime. From computers to smartphones and so on. Also, it's allowed to use zero-days without reporting them to the vendor (we have seen what can go wrong with that through the ShadowBrokers scandal).

- Automatic Database Collection: They are allowed to directly tap into any database they see required (banks, healthcare, messaging services and so on). Practically this can lead to backdoors being build in because if you don't cooperate, you can go to prison. (mother of god I am not using anything closed source anymore if possible).

So yeah, this is pretty much the reason why I am so privacy consious. This country is fucked.

That's my secret...

Me: *updating Ubuntu using terminal*

Non-tech friend:
*looks at my terminal*
WOW! You must me real good at hacking and stuff!

Me: Of course i am, but keep it a secret though.

Friends Pandemic December proposal: "We should all get on Zoom every weekend, play Christmas trivia games and do shots"

Family ideal Pandemic December: "Lets send each other Secret Santa presents throughout the whole month, and get on Zoom and unpack them"

Me: Chilled out on a reclining seat next to a freshly slaughtered green fir tree, burning hearth fire, warm wool sweater, faux fur slippers, big mug of liquored up hot chocolate, keyboard on my lap, writing a Rust library on big screen TV.

Sorry friends & family, y'all are doing holidays wrong.

Happy holidays.
-- signed, Grandpa Bittersweet.

TL;Dr be specific, it's actually helpful.

Client rings... "The internet is down"

Me "ok where are you exactly and how are you connecting"

"Ugh the WiFi! Just fix it"

"Ok but where are you?"

"At $companyname"

"Ok and which wi..."

"The wifi?!! Can you do anything right?"

Well... I'm allowed flexibility in terms of pleasantry...

"Ok, there are 3 buildings, 55 rooms, 2 SSID's, 17 access points, 3 routers a RADIUS server and 2 gateways... Be specific or I'll do nothing"

Simple reboot of an access point, but c'mon... It's not a secret where you are

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to Desktop and create anew folder

2. Name the folder Internet Explorer

3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer

4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Comment your ideas...

Top secret and bottom secret

Apple has programmed an avatar maker in iMessage that generates emoji that are supposed to resemble the person. However it does not have any setting for facial structure to represent a person’s sex. I’m pretty sure they did it because “gender is a construct”.

When I was growing up I had some issues with gender dysphoria. I am male genetically. I was mistaken as female my whole childhood because I was “pretty”, my best friends were girls, and I liked cooking, drawing, and dancing. Puberty happened and I started to look like a man. I considered transitioning because I felt female but I decided to let my body do what it wants and do the things I like to do without worrying about if they are gendered or not. I am married and male and I like what I like.

This stupid iMessage avatar. I have tried my hardest to make it look like me. I have long hair and keep my facial hair clean. They don’t have a switch to change some facial physiological traits so I have this Memoji that looks like a woman with a slight hormonal imbalance. It makes me feel conflicted like I felt when I was young. I haven’t thought about it in years and now I feel like I have an uncomfortable secret female avatar that i carry around on my phone and I feel like I’m carrying a secret.

A persons genetics result in differences in facial structures. Biological sex is more than the length of hair and whether a person wears makeup. I hate this “sex is a construct” trend. I’m fine living my life, but then companies push this software onto my phone like propaganda. I want it to look as masculine as I look IRL.

This is a funny one:

I found this gem in SO.
Why is it funny? Well, PDVSA is the state-owned company for oil production of my country (Petróleos De Venezuela).

This little intern decided that it was a good idea to publish in SO an answer with actual code, showing database and tables names to everyone.

Priceless.

Windows obviously did a secret selective poll on what percentage of their users use dates and times.
:#

So Zomato thinks I'm of No Value. Thought that was a secret :/

Guys, I have a dirty secret

I use the light theme :o

More proof of computer scientists not wanting to bother with CSS. Guys this is might be the secret to becoming pro. Keep it Simple Stupid (KISS). That's the creator of C++ website btw.

Placed a hidden flying unicorn as easteregg in our last business app. My boss stumbled across it and told me: "make it that all users can see it more easily without using the secret gesture."

...but ..it's an easteregg! .. :facepalm:

I wonder how the secret service comes up with all these cool names for secret operations they do when i am sitting here thinking what to name one variable for last 30mins. I should probably hire someone from there as a variable namer dev..

In the darkest of days, I discovered how to remote login to my computer at work through the company vpn. I then proceeded to work overtime at night in secret for a week or so, writing documentation and refactoring code.

I finally woke the fuck up and realized that I shouldn't be obsessing over proprietary codebases that do not belong to me, and I should put this misguided energy into my own projects.

So yeah, as a bad dev habit I'm working on fixing, this fits the bill.

I guess DB discovered the secret to time travelling. Taken with my Nokia 3310

!rant
Me and my girlfriend just broke up.
I was sad at first but now I can really start focusing on some really interesting projects.

Such as my new secret website that I will release soon. I think you'll like it.

Tinder bots that match must have secret conversations all the time and we'll never know

Can we make the devRant gang sign into a thing? Can it be a secret way of recognizing other devranters, say, at conferences? Please?

\||/_

My secret joy. Logging into our "automated email do not reply" mailbox and reading folks futile attempts to argue with an automated system

/* secret devRant script */

let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}

I'll point names today

Boss: Quick! The Xero integration is not working anymore!
Xero Documentation: place your client secret in the HEADERS
Me: * places client secret in headers *
Xero API: Bad Request!
Me:
*re-reads documentation*
*creates new client secret*
*1 hour of trying*
Hmmmm
* places client secret in request body, not in headers *
Xero API: Ok!

UPDATE YOUR DOCUMENTATION
TELL US ABOUT IT IN THE CHANGELOGS

I had a co worker who was a bit of a robot with little to none tact or social skills (let's call him Bob Bot). Once, we had one of those company events where pointy haired boss had the cringe worthy idea of having everyone share an "unusual secret" about themselves as a team building exercise.

"So Bob Bot, what is your secret?"

Bob (in the same tone you would use to deliver the weather forecast): "So for those who don't know yet, I am polyamorous. This means that I have multiple sex partners at the same time."

(Dead silence in the room)

Bob: "Oh but wait...she gets to have multiple sex partners as well!"

And that kids, was a great example of gender equality!

You know guys, I haven't posted much today, so here's a screenshot of the login of an app I'm making (secret spooky stuff). I'm pretty proud of how it turned out after about 3 hours of back and forth.

What do you think?

App nearing completion. Code tested, everything's working fine. Ready for release.

The client just calls me and tells me that they have decided to turn the app into two separate ones. Should not be a problem, you developers must have some tricks for that, according to the client. Of course, the release date remains unchanged.

Clients!, finally understand that there's no secret button for turning an app into two separate ones.

At this point I think the "algo" is a secret team that's being held hostage and forced to sort the rants by hand 😂😂

Duolingo has some secret plans for world domination

A new linear time O(N) sorting algorithm [Keep it secret 🔒]

* Compare two adjacent elements one by one starting from the first element
* If there are out of order, delete the second element and continue with step 1
* If in order, go to the next two elements
* Once done, act like the numbers you deleted never existed

Works all the time.
Not yet published. Thinking of a good name for it.

Haha I know your secret now computers. now it's time to expose your secret so nobody has to deal with slowness

When my former boss let me go, he asked "you devs do not plant some secret code into your software so you can destroy it remotely, do you?".

I smiled and walked away.

Needless to say I got some money on top on my last day at that job.

I didn’t realise that SQL Developer was actually secret code for data entry monkey.

I’m sick to the back teeth doing data entry work and not getting any actually fucking development to do

"I'll stop using Windows, Google, Youtube, Facebook, etc and move to a fucking hipster unsupported linux distro, so that they can't spy me in my top secret activities such as watching porn and browsing /r/me_irl"

sigh...

An industry secret 🤫🤫

Finally the secret is out!!

Secret job interview tomorrow, I've had it with this place and it keeps getting worse. Today they took away the last thing that made it liveable and forced me to have 5 hour longer days for the forseeable future. 3 of them with no extra pay.
I have kids I barely get to see today with longer days I will never see them.
Fuck this, I'm out.

Those 3 side projects you have, that you contractually can't have, but still have.

“There’s too many Firefox quantum rants...”

Lemme let you in on a little secret:
It’s nothing new, get over it.

Apple released a new phone.
Windows updated.
Samsung or Google releases a phone.
Exam time.

Do any of you see a common theme? It’s the same people posting three metric fuck tons of posts about recent news. Wow, a tech person sharing tech news, imagine that. It’s just a phase, we all notice it. It’ll go away. Thanks. Have a nice day.

One of the main reasons I completely left windows and osx for Linux is the fact that Linux is open source. In an era of mass surveillance, secret court orders ordering companies to build in backdoors into their products, companies building in tracking into their software and so on, I find it irresponsible to use closed source software.

Only my personal opinion though.

!rant

Dear dfox and trogus,

Is it possible to arrange a secret santa kind of duck gift sharing campaign once a year? Not necessary need to be a xmas campaign. We can wait until you update the shopping cart process with the feature 😬

Each user can buy ducks for other users. You can contact the recipients for the address if you don't have yet and do the delivery.

Before starting a job at company CUNT, we had an interview at which I told them I do not want to work on legacy monolithic codebases. We had a nice agreement and they offered me to work as a back-end with one of their projects. I was super excited to start. CUNT was very culty, always talks about how carrying for employees they are and always keep promises on their end of the table.

A week has passed, the codebase is superb legacy shit hole, no fucking standards, monolithic as fuck (BE and FE projects live in one project folder with tons of depreciated tools - there are no docs for them. That’s how old they are). They even have secret folder in their project with YOU GUESSED IT - secret keys.

Told CTO today, that I want to switch projects, because this was not the thing I signed up for and remember THEY ALWAYS CARE ABOUT THEIR EMPLOYEES AND PROMISES MADE. He basically told me, that project owners (other company) will not understand this culturally and I can either wait it out and possibly get my hands on a better project or fuck off right now.

Also, I was told, that my judgment was garbage worth and I should work longer with project “shit hole” to fully understand it.

Such a fucking salesman.

Anyways, I told that this situation is not culturally appropriate for me either as they gave me a sort of promise and I wont leave the company as I just switched jobs and cannot afford to do that again. I’ll hopefully get another position in another project soon.

WTF IS WORNG WITH PEOPLE

Every Group Project in CS Major
Group 1:- Hey group 2 what project are you making ..?
Group 2:- Can't tell , Top Secret

FINAL Day:-
Group 1:- Railway Ticket Booking System
Group 2:-Railway Ticket Authorization System

Evaluators :- I think I saw similar idea somewhere....😂

‎Welcome to the secret robot internet

I have nasty dirty secret to admit..

I newer did actual "Hello, World" program.....

I feel ashamed :(

coffee. secret word: validation

Your most paranoic internet experience?

Several years ago, I was going to watch my first porn movie, and I was so afraid of the porn page publishing on my facebook "Elizadeath liked Xporn.net" or something like that (I had family on my facebook friends) so I:

1.- Used an old tablet (even its screen was crashed)
2.- Removed all email accounts (it has Android)
3.- Uninstalled all the social media apps, including youtube
4.- Put a piece of tape on the frontal camera
5.- Bought new headphones
6.- Navigated at the Android's default browser instead of Chrome, and in "secret" mode
7.- Deleted the cache and history after watching the movie XD

What's your experience?

Meeting with CEO went well I heard. Only thing he didn’t like that there was no permission level “worthy of leadership” (GUI options are view-only/worker/admin/super).

Keeping the existence of the the secret “god” permission to myself I proceeded to create the “executive authority” permission, which is an alias…

…for view-only. 🖕😘🖕

>be me
>be excited for secret santa
>buys gift
>the guy who got my gift is happy :)
>wait till the end of the day
>no gift for me :/
>leave office with nothing to be excited about
>reach home
>get to know about steam winter sale
>buy games to the point of happiness ;-;

10/10 would worship gaben ;~;

Bloomberg has revealed that Google has signed a secret deal with Mastercard that allows it to track what users buy offline

My secret....

When I first got in this companie, with 3 other people, one of the first thing they told us was about a "rule" that we never deploy on Friday's or at the end of the day, but no one else in the company knows about it. It's the department's little secret 👌

Debian is everywhere
Picture Source: Instagram

The other week, our coffee machine broke. No code was written.

Today, coffee machine broke. No code written.

Think I found the secret ingredient to writing code!

The avatars items can be updated via the secret api, without an app update

@JS96 seems to be the only person who knows this api (3rd party) since there is a black raven in UWP avatar editor.

@Skayo searching for the api...

@Floydian thanking @trogus

@dfox staying quiet

devRant being an avatar fam.

Secret of success...

#Startup

Secret open source development

// FYI : It is at the 6 floor of the building

Securing a php endpoint:

if($_GET['secret'] != "qwerty") {
die();
}

Found the secret Bethesda HQ. It’s located in Germany and is disguised as an old people’s home.

Apparently because someone works in IT they can hack an IPad.

Once i figure out the secret of hacking Apple devices i will obviously share it with you.

Just asked my girlfriend if she knew what CSS means and she said "Isn't that a kind of secret service?"😂😂😂

Colleague: I have an error in my application, can you help me?
Me: Sure
*walks next to him*
Me: So... What is it?
Colleague: Here, it won't run
*launches the application and runs perfectly*
Colleague: Tell me your secret senpai

The hardest part about writing an app is getting anyone to find it :( on that note, please help? <3
If you have little ones I promise they'll enjoy it! it might even get you an hour or two of quiet coding time.
Tap the top bar on the main menu that says 'My First Puzzles' ten times to get prompted for a secret code (3hfazJUD) to unlock all packs free :)

Slack culture.

Yes, the chat application.

Fuck it, fuck mattermost, HipChat, Skype, and whatever other digital text medium for team communication.

These are great applications, but used for great evil. They feed cliques and passive aggressive "side" conversations. Every team I've been on has something like this, and it allows people to cultivate hate for one another even though they're sitting in the same room.

Texting allows you to complain about a coworker to your clique. Each clique can have it's own thread. This empowers people to silently rip into other team members. It prevents rational adult conversations and builds stupid little secret societies.

Sometimes I don't want my co-workers to see the notes I write on a meeting, for several reasons: Maybe they might have bad intentions (yes, I'm a little bit paranoid), or sometimes I wrote stupid stuff just to concentrate or remember things faster, or I want to practice my cyrillic alphabet.

What do you think? how do you take "secret" notes on a meeting? Any slav in here that could tell me if he/she understands my calligraphy? XD

A Bank Account Number is like a public encryption key. Any random person needs it to send me money. Why does it seem like banks treat it as a secret or even use it to confirm my identity? It's literally printed in plain text on every check.

Today, the security department stopped our new project and told us to work on the last project instead because of a top-secret security flaw.

Problem is, they are not allowed to tell us what the problem is. FML

All I'm wondering is how did @dfox manage to keep this avatar feature a secret while it was in the works? If I was in the process of coding something so elegant, I'd be telling people left and right! Bravo!

Just enrolled for uni and…. they email back my password in clear text…

Translation: "... using the secret access keys", yeah secret my ass, and they send you the password even when you change it so what's the point in letting me choose the password, just send me one i can't change.

Luckly it's computer science or else it could have been worse 🤔

Playing Minecraft minigames.

It's a pictionary clone. One player draws a secret word while the other players have a minute to guess.

Along the bottom is a hint.

Hint is in "_ _ _ l e" format.

Possible word is apple, for example.

I already win half of the games.

I can win more.

Initiate cheating.

Python script that accepts input in same format as hint and returns a list of results based on the word database.

Any time I come across a new word just add it to the database.

Stopped at 69 words tonight.

Game on.

- Get's out of bus with some elderly people.
- one of them wants to cross the street, so he waits at the traffic light

That traffic light only switches, when a pedestrian touches a sensor

- I check if the sensor had been touched, it wasn't
- Secretly touches the sensor, just like a character from assasins creed kills when bypassing a person

- Light gurned greeen soon afterwards.
- Feels like a secret hero

That feeling when lead dev hid a couple of really secret bugs for you, and then left for vacation... *cough* @BinaryProvider 😉

For our office secret Santa one year I drew the boss's name. I don't know him very well as he's a pretty unsociable person, for the first six months of my employment was introduced to clients as the web developer's "little buddy." So I really wanted to do something passive agressive.

I spent a few days trying to find the best prank gifts. I landed on a glitter bomb. I filled a balloon with glitter, puffed just enough air in it so it fit in the box, and rigged it up with an x-acto blade inside which would pop the balloon when you open the top flaps.

It worked fantastically. The balloon popped, glitter went everywhere, the entire office was laughing except the boss. It was days before the glitter started to dissipate from his beard.

i had a client that would rather buy me a plane ticket and a hotel night to give me a "CD" than send it to me, just because he wasnt able to upload it via mail.
The data was 230MB of excel files.
I ended uploading those files to my Dropbox using teamviewer.

How rich could you become by selling secret keys found in open source github repo's?

just saw a tweet praising a company because of their choice to use swiss servers and they had a pompous sentance in parenthesis like (upside to banking secret culture)

like, dude, at the end of the day, guaranteed their 'server' is just a linux box somewhere, just like anywhere else in the world just STFU

god i HATE ignorance, hype, and stupid tropes that managers just automatically subscribe to with their 2 brain cell NPC brain

Let’s continue with the last rant.

Sometimes, when I wrote notes to myself that are extremely, extremely secret but I don’t plan to use it for more than a day, I use alef-bet.

I have to admmit I’m a disaster with sofit letters and vowels, and that’s why I don’t make secret and long lasting notes in this alphabet (that actually is not even an alphabet, it’s an abyad).

Well, I guess I have too much deadtime 😂

What I tried to write is “Echar una llamada a las 10:30” (Make a call at 10:30). I hope I didn’t write some stupid stuff instead XD

I’m not jew, but I find this writing interesting 🤔 the most hard way to write I’ve ever tried

Want to be likeable or get your way through people?

No need to sell ice cream, just validate those insecure souls.

Wide majority does not want their fragile bubble to be broken even if they are suffocating within.

All they seek is validation. That's fucking it. That's the secret.

If someone asks you for some opinion or support, most of the time they are just want to hear how great their mediocre thought process is.

Someone's lack of ability accept criticism and grow is the sole reason they are stuck in quicksand situation and only drowning further.

An unethical social skill but this will take you a long way and also help you stay sane from the insecure narcissistic scums by avoiding toxic interaction.

JUST VALIDATE THEM.

Signal looks like a good app but I have none to write top secret messages to

Wish Microsoft would open-source their secret UWP file explorer because even though it's terrible, they're doing things I can't figure out.

When ordering devDucks after best selling php is still in front of c++. I thought we agreed on hating it?

Fuck this client's IT department. They're a bunch of Microsoft asslickers.

How am I supposed to push code to your self-hosted GitLab instance if you restrict me to Citrix RDP????? No OpenVPN access because I'm on Linux?? Seriously? Because I am not using any of your laptops?

FUCK YOU DUMBASSES, I COULD DO A BETTER JOB THAN YOU AND I JUST PLAY WITH LINUX.

When I said I only needed terminal access I would have never imagined they were thinking of Putty inside an RDP. What a steaming shit.

Oh you guys don't have a secret management service as any enterprise should? Oh I cannot add a secret management service as part of the solution I am building for you guys because "Hurr Durr yOu HaVe NoT pUt ThIs In ThE pRoJeCt PrOpOsAl sO nO"

Fuck you guys. You guys only don't want to move to the cloud to not lose your jobs. I would be far more productive than relying on you pieces of dumbassery.

They are all having each others back in using shit technology and practices.

Api key and secret on js variables...

Why do all developers that seem to know their stuff drinks, smokes or both? Is it some sort of a trade secret?

thor's secret...

Today’s DevOps public service announcement... don’t test your server provisioning scripts locally. Especially when this gem is in there:

rm -f ~/.ssh/id_rsa
echo ‘vault secret/ssh_key’ > ~/.ssh/id_rsa

Well, I no longer have my key, but the script works! I’m sitting with a very locked down server key

Merry 2018 in advance.

If it aint a secret, comment w/ your new years resolution so other lazy fucks can get motivated.

Mine: a 3d game (godot), releasing my data science java libraries, building some kind of robot

!rant

I received a pair of complements on how well I run team meetings after an engineering all staff this morning. Received a similar comment last week.

Someone asked “what’s your secret?”

I reply “Laziness”

“What?”

“I’m lazy. I don’t like meetings most of the time. So when I run meetings, I run them so that they’re over as fast as possible”

“How do you do that?”

“By knowing what I actually want”

“What if you don’t know what you want?”

“Then there’s no meeting”

“Well what if y-“

“Hey listen I have another meeting to get to”

Christmas Party (2016) SPOILER ALERT

you've been warned

mental discussion I had yesterday after watching Christmas Party:

Hacker me: "I wonder if is really this easy take down the internet connection of an entire city........... maybe I'll google it around and see"

Normal Person me: "Let me get this straight you're thinking to google 'how to take down city internet'? ARE YOU A FUCKING IDIOT???? DO YOU REALIZE IN WHICH KIND OF WORLD WE LIVE NOW? DO YOU REALLY WANT THE SECRET SERVICE OF 5 DIFFERENT COUNTRY TO KICK DOWN YOUR DOOR AT 5 IN THE MORNING???????"

Have you ever hid a secret message within your source code?

Last day at home today. Moving tommorrow for my apprenticeship with a company that'd likely give me a warning/fire me if I say too much about it.

If I disappear off the face of the planet, it's because I have no money for internet yet.

There was a kid in my programming class that was convinced that in the next 10 years ai would become self aware and seek for the destruction of its creators.

I wasted 20 minutes of my life trying to explain down how ai sentience would have to be an intentional decision by the group creating the ai

Of course, he spun around and tried to explain how secret government organizations are already working on general intelligence that would run on quantum computers to shut down enemy governments.

Maybe with people willing to believe anything the world is doomed after all :/

Hiding my secret side project that I spend 69% of my free time thinking about and 11% of my free time working on.

I’m hired as pizza making burger flipper for $12/hr since I have no formal schooling and then I am walked out back to the utility room to do what cooks REALLY DO... Secret network engineering and admin... Never fails... They always find out and I always end up replacing whatever company or person they used for tech/admin work.

Time to at least get some Oracle certs and a nano degree!

Do any other junior devs get secret joy when the architects and senior devs argue out on open?

There is just one thing that's been haunting me.

One.

Thing.

That I have yet to succeed at doing.

One thing.

That I have yet to understand it's mazehole.

ONE THING.

That I failed me as a developer.

How in the FUCK do I create my own mail server with my own domain name? HOW? JUST FUCKING HOWWWWW

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SECRET!

WHAT AM I MISSING!!!!!

(no don't tell me about any of those office 365/GoDaddy/Windows bullshit, just guide me with something normal)

Anyone else as excited as me to find out about the secret new feature?

Our most popular bank sends secret codes via GET parameter 😞

My boss and I, with a normal morning greeting in slack

Me: morning boss, how are you?

Boss: very good and you?

Me: marvelous. hey boss, do you have a secret entry to your office? I didn't see you coming

Boss: hahaha, front door :| . And I greeted everyone too

Me: :( sorry

Boss: Microsleep 😂

Me: 😎 nope, extreme concentration

Me: it's a new development methodology, born from extreme programming

Boss: 😶

Soo why the fuck am I receiving notifications about someone from my contacts is available on messenger, when you don't fucking have the permissions to read my contacts? I'm looking at you Facebook Messenger.

That's some new level of ignorance. "Oh I see you didn't gave me the permissions to read your contacts. Worry not my friend just let me take a secret peek of it. I will be discreet, I promise!"... Well FUCK YOU!

P.S.: I only use that piece of garbage because unfortunately some of my friends are only available there... Time to convince them to switch.

Myself

The place is poorly run, I drink beer at my desk in secret or worse have tantrums like a 2 year.

@dfox

Just read your announcement

Great to know that everything is goin excellent 👍
Cheers 🍻

And really excited about the secret feature 😀

And all the developers who have initiated open source devRant related projects / bots deserve a squishy ball 😁

Apartment management: Hey folks. Elevator #4 is getting a software upgrade so it will not be in service for a few weeks. While we’re doing the upgrade, the elevator call button next to elevator #1 will only call that elevator. The other call button will call elevators 2 and 3. Please press only one button. If you press both, you’re requesting two elevators to come to you and this slows elevator arrival time for other residents. Thank you.

99% of residents: Ah ha! You told us the secret. We’re going to press both call buttons because we choose chaos 😈

Seriously? WHY THE FUCK, are there no English speaking, no god damn accent tutorial videos on YouTube regarding VLSI design, or hell even any of the fucken layout tools ... allllllll of them in very strong Indian accent .. OR not even spoken in English... the fuck folks? Some of them are “ok” to understand but I can’t get past the accent of speeding up and slowing down, and repeating the words and phrases, and then emphasizing shit like a question, but turning it into a unneeded statement, emphasizing the wrong shit... uggh I just wanna pull my fucken hair out.

Americans either are keeping VLSI knowledge a secret.. or nobody who fucken speaks English knows wtf they doing.. and that’s scary.

Riddle:

Alice and bob want to communicate a secret message, lets say it is an integer.
We will call this msg0.
You are Chuck, an interloper trying to spy on them and decode the message.

For keys, alice chooses a random integer w, another for x, and another for y. she also calculates a fourth variable, x+y = z
Bob follows the same procedure.

Suppose the numbers are too large to bruteforce.

Their exchange looks like this.
At step 1, alice calculates the following:

msg1 = alice.z+alice.w+msg0
she sends this message over the internet to bob.
the value of msg1 is 20838

then for our second step of the process, bob calculates msg2 = bob.z+bob.w+msg1
msg2 equals 32521
he then sends msg2 to alice, and again, you intercept and observe.

at step three, alice recieves bob's message, and calculates the following: msg3 = msg2-(alice.x+alice.w+msg0)
msg3 equals 19249. Alice sends this to bob.

bob calculates msg4 = msg3-(bob.x+bob.w)
msg4 equals 11000.
he sends msg4 to alice

at this stage, alice calculates ms5.
msg5 = (msg4-(alice.y)+msg0.
alice sends this to bob.

bob recieves this final message and calculates
the sixth and final message, which is the original hidden msg0 alice wanted to send:
msg6 = msg5-bob.y

What is the secret message?
I'll give anyone who solves it without bruteforcing, a free cookie.

Hey guys, some of you might know this but for those who do not, there is an april fools HTTP error code which is 418, it's description is 'I\'m a teapot' #TheMoreYouKnow

(felt the need to escape sorry not sorry)

Well... Well... What a multi-talented personality...
Every connection I see on LinkedIn has these buzz words in their tag line: AI/ML, Cryptocurrency, Blockchain.
This guy even has Smart City...!!!
Don't know how many of them are legit... I just don't understand each of these techs are so vast... Still people manage to get expert in all of them in just few days... What's the secret...?

When a bunch of unit tests start failing locally because the AWS secret key got rotated.
oh wait...
THOSE AREN’T UNIT TESTS!!!
Unit tests do not depend on any external system, that includes AWS...
AAARRGHHHHH

never have I ever:
boomers:
- never have I ever cheated on my husband!
- never have I ever paid my mortgage on time!
- never have I ever left my car uninsured!

zoomers:
- never have I ever found a logically sound justification to continue living
- never have I ever had a social interaction without voices in my head telling me my whole life is a secret plot to betray me spectacularly at the end
- never have I ever coped with the realization that the fabric of my reality itself is nothing but assumptions that hardened into beliefs
- never have I ever felt that my life after I started to take my prescriptions is something but a bland, ironed out shadow of what a functioning member of society should feel

give up on working hard

doesn't mean shit in the long run

it only matters who you can bullshit and how much money they have

*really* i mean this

at this point i've seen it so many times, and i thought the world couldn't be this dumb... but somehow that's really how it all works, there's really no secret

much better to just have had internship at some silicon valley company - their for loops, functional code, and abstracted classes are far better than the ones anywhere else, don't you know?

just wish the world would grow the fuck up, but alas, they have to remain wimpy kiddy caveman mentality style

Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.

Problem:
some folks left the angular codebase full of ridicolous console.logs, client was upset as he noticed it during UAT

Solution:
1. add extra script in main template page
window.console.log = function(){};
2. translate it into JSFuck
3. if they ask, pretend it's a super-secret encryption algorithm to improve security

Why not release the devrant (mobile+web) client on github (and maybe gitlab for people that would actually contribute but are special about the usage of github) so people could contribute to it, leading to faster progress? I thought about it now for a bit and couldn't see any problems with that, since the current apk can be anyway unpacked via freely available tools (appcelerator doesn't make it too hard either anyway 😕) and the website/api isn't any secret either (see the 4000 clients getting patched together out of zombie like api calls)

@dfox I recently started playing around with Neo4j and find it really fun to work with. Would there be any way to get hold of parts of the devRant graph/graphs? Not private or secret stuff of course - only public parts of rants, tags and users. It would be fun to to play around with and analyze.

I've got it! truly successful developers have the ability to give generic ambiguous answers for every issue ever raised.

So, I was making a sort of "pre-autumn-cleaning" on some of my accounts (changing passwords, secret answers, canceling accounts/subscriptions, etc), when I arrive to devRant and go to the settings option just to found these options...

So... Really ಠ_ಠ? "Logout" and "Delete Account" are the only settings available via web browser?

I know that I can't expect the full range of settings that are present on the mobile app, but what the hell, I was expecting a little more than that...

My AP CompSci teacher, now 15 years ago, inspired me to always reach further than I thought possible. I was creating neural networks in C++ before my first internship. It was amazing.

I mourned his loss when he passed away, but now I offer him thanks when success comes my way at work. I still feel like he is helping me as my secret angel of software development.

Security in defense is a joke.

New hire does not have accts set up told him over and over!

He decides to go into a classified area and just try. Common last name with first initial.

Guess what he was able to get in because no one changed the default password!

Yep now someone with an interim clearance got access to a machine that goes from unclass to secret and then top secret!

Oh no! Mozilla found out about my secret... I'm a doggo.

how do you devs deal with computer/screen headaches?

I’m a CS student, and last year at my software internship i had a pounding headache literally every day at work (worked 40 hours a week). I started drinking like 6 bottles of water a day and popping advil like candy, but i want to avoid them this summer.

any of you l33t vet devs have any secret tricks for these?

thx thx

I didn't WANT to do it, but he left me no choice. He was about to tell everyone the secret that I'd kept for such a long time. I couldn't allow him to do that.

I'm still debating whether it was me who pulled the trigger, I never wanted to, but I did, it changed me.

Now I've been living with his wife, his children, in his house, with his parents and family. I've been to countless reunions and everybody seems to enjoy having me around, claiming that I've 'changed' and become a better person.

My old self seems to have faded away into nothingness, I don't know if I should be happy with that. But I do know one thing,

If such a situation were to come up one more, I'd do it again.

If you're not going to update your API documentation please just delete it. I spent two hours trying to use the example only to discover SECRET REST PARAMETERS that solved my problem.

If it weren't for the hero bitching in the comments about the missing documentation I would never have gotten this to work.

Windows PowerToys randomly locked an image on my computer and I was not able to delete it.
I closed PowerToys and was able to delete the image.
But why was the file locked by Power"Toys" in the first place? Hint: I did not use any tool on this image whatsoever, I just randomly noted it was locked. Wtf are all these programs doing in my private files without my knowledge? >:(

Sooooooo…. The other day I committed a change with this message:

“Committing the ultimate sin in committing secret keys again however this repo is and will always be private and my pis will be hidden on my network so it shouuuuuuld be fine... right...”

I first realised I wanted to be a developer, when my older brother told me about The Net (movie) with Sandra Bullock. He told me about the pi sign in the bottom right corner, and all I wanted to do was to make websites with secret sections that only I knew about.

During uni times, I was working part-time in a private security firm. A co-worker, I hadn't known yet, was assigned to a 12 hour night shift with me guarding some secret weapon, which was quite boring.
So we talked about life and other things and found out that we both had great interests in building and using PCs. This has lead to a great friendship and dozens of PC we've built, modded and overclocked together.

Online tutorials and universities hate me for this simple trick making you learn webdev quickly.

There are 4 simple steps that will make you learn webdev quickly

Transfer me 20 bitcoins to find out this secret method to learn webdev quickly

-Rant-
How do you (not) secure your Rest based web service?
1. Chain it to shady organic authentication system built by a hoard of monkeys high on Tequila.
2. have secret keys that get copy pasted into config flat files, and index them on your code search engine.
3. make the onboarding extremely platform specific that you need 500 environment variables, 50 scripts, 5 fancy device presses and a tap dance to make a GET call to the service.
4. fish through 500 rotating log files that the authentication system generates for each API call made.
5. Leave traces all over the host so if you have to start over, you should sudo rm -rf / and set fire to your computer.

If your phone had taken photos of your face for your whole life without you knowing, would you watch a video that was automatically generated from the photos?

Does anyone know how in Movies and TV shows do all those computer sites/software are done?
Like when we see a cia mission room for example, and there after agents running a face recognising and get 50 popups with information, or location some secret hide out place and super cool screen with 10 widgets show us location..
That can't be real.. But i have no idea how it's done.. is it green screen replaced later with fake video, or something similar? Please help, I MUST KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!!!!

The past few months i got a bunch of emails and calls from my previous "boss" (hes the head of the research), that he would be grateful if i helped them out. I got a few friends still working on that piece of shit project so i said yeah, i can help.

Now this whole thing is a research involving most of the big universities, lots of math phds, and is kinda secret. They couldnt find anyone to sketch up a few stupid algorithms for them so i did just that.

Yesterday i got the specifications for the task. Its the core functioning algo, the one i made from fucking discrete integer data, it took me 3 fucking months to correct their mistakes, and now they want me to create 2 similar patterns for 2 completely different...things. Yeeeah no.

Midnight sever deploys and maintenance might kind of suck to do, but it is probably the closest we will get to going on a top secret mission!

"Do you know you can even download images via Google search and save it or print it? Guess what, that's the secret to my template images."

Secret of success

Over heard while watching a tutorial

"The secret key is really secret"

Do you wanna know the secret to getting people's attention? I could tell you but you'll have to ... [read more]

What I got from my secret santa at work! Do any of you guys have a workplace secret santa thing?

Don't know if i'm alone or not.. so i'm gonna leak my secret that my rubber ducky is actually a slack channel i made in my company's slack

Well, here's my productivity secret.

Quartus Compilus! (Dumbledore secret magic spell)

You know you're a developer when the only secret society you want to join are those who don't get auto down-voted for a Stack Overflow question.

+1 if you are interested in Augmented Reality technologies, have some presentations and assignments made and you are writing your Master thesis for Augmented Reality only to find yourself working for a company that wants from you to update somehow a project with 5 years old code written from some secret antisocial society that hates readability and you as a developer and a human being and wants from you to somehow understand why they call C# method only to return a string that contains all the html tags but no data and then insert the data in JavaScript splitting the same string.

Come on, give me a break! I m still trying, though I still haven't found where exactly the program learns the data to insert or it just knows (no questions asked)...

Not exactly a dream abour coding but my favorite instructor in college.

I dreamt the secret police came to arrest him on campus since his methods teaching cod were unorthodoxed.

As they were leading him away I was screaming and crying - “He’s the best teacher here, what are you doing!”

weird

If Cloudflare wanted to they could have/can pull off the biggest MITM attack ever in secret

@dfox Read about the latest update. Excited for the changes as well as the secret feature coming in the next few weeks. Also thank you for the community guidelines. Much appreciated. Have an awesome weekend.

My very first time was when I first saw a Web page, I really wanted to know how they did it. Two weeks later I built an intranet at home and I thought I was so cool I was shitting out ice cubes.

The very first programme I ever wrote was a secret diary application(C#) for myself I thought it was really secure because I had my own file extension. Not one of my finer moments.

devRant over Snapchat any day of the week! Best kept secret on the net! 👍👍👍 Not for long

"Non-technical" users must have some magic skill that goes beyond my understanding. How can anyone work with no-code page builders? I tried Wix, Webflow, Gutenberg, Elementor, Divi, and Semplice. Each one sucks in their way, but they have one thing in common: their UI behaves even more erratically than Microsoft Word.

Is there a "non-technical personal computer user" class where people learn that logic? How did they manage to hide their secret understanding from developers? Or what did I miss?

"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." - Albert Einstein

Which is the secret rule that you've learned in your (dev) life?
My favourite one is "it works? Don't touch it."

How to impress the extent of your power over your employees and partners:

1. Make the tech team spend inordinate amounts of effort to investigate someone stealing an almost worthless piece of junk, to make an example for the rest of the workforce.

2. Complain in "secret" meetings that the tech team is not up to the task of delivering the project.

3. Announce that the project will probably, but not certainly, be shut down.

"Every designers’ dirty little secret is that they copy other designers’ work. They see work they like, and they imitate it. Rather cheekily, they call this inspiration." - Aaron Russell

"The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it. " - George Carlin

Nice little feature from Warp, auto hiding secrets, although this isn't a secret it is just a version number 😅

So many people ranting about devRant needing to be more secret when at work?

I've got a solution coming up somewhere in the next 4 hours.

DO NOT EXPORT GPG KEYS _TEMPORARILY_ AND ASSUME THAT THEY'LL BE IN THE ORIGINAL LOCATION AFTER EXPORT!

I learnt this lesson the hard way.

I had to use a GPG key from my personal keyring on a different machine ( that I control ). This was a temporary one-time operation so I thought I might be a smart-ass and do the decryption on the fly.

So, the idiotic me directly piped the output : `gpg --export-secret-key | scp ...`. Very cool ( at the time ). Everything worked as expected. I was happy. I went to bed.

In the morning, I had to use the same key on the original machine for the normal purpose I'd use it for and guess what greeted me? - *No secret key*

*me exclaims* : What the actual f**k?!

More than half a day of researching on the internet and various trials-and-errors ( I didn't even do any work for my employer ), I finally gave up trying to retrieve / recover the lost secret key that was never written to a file.

Well, to be fair, it was imported into a temporary keyring on the second machine, but that was deleted immediately after use. Because I *thought* that the original secret key was still in my original keyring.

More idiotic was the fact that I'd been completely ignorant of the option called `--list-secret-keys` even after using GPG for many years now. My test to confirm whether the key was still in place was `--list-keys` which even now lists the user ID. Alas, now without a secret key to do anything meaningful really.

Here I am, with my face in my hands, shaking my head and almost crying.

9000 internet cookie points to whoever figures out this shit:

I'm trying to import a secret gpg key into my keyring.
If I run "gpg2 --import secring.gpg" and manually type each possible password that I can think of, the import fails. So far, nothing unusual.
HOWEVER
If I type the same passwords into a file and run:
echo pwfile.txt | gpg2 --batch --import secring.gpg
IT ACTUALLY FUCKING WORKS

What the fuck??? How can it be that whenever I type the pw manually it fails, but when I import it from a file it works??
And no, it's not typos: I could type those passwords blindfolded from muscle memory alone, and still get them right 99% of the time. And I'm definitely not blindfolded right now.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!

Suppose my pwfile.txt looks something like this:

password1
password2
password3
password4
password5
password6

Now, I'm trying to narrow it down and figure out which one is the right password, so I'm gonna split the file in two parts and see which one succeds. Easy, right?

$ cat pw1.txt
password1
password2
password3

$ cat pw2.txt
password4
password5
password6

$ echo pw1.txt | gpg2 --batch --import secring.gpg
gpg: key 149C7ED3: secret key imported

$ gpg2 --delete-secret-key "149C7ED3"
[confirm deletion]

$ echo pw2.txt | gpg2 --batch --import secring.gpg
gpg: key 149C7ED3: secret key imported

In other words, both files successfully managed to import the secret key, but there are no passwords in common between the two!!
Am I going retarded, or is there something really wrong here? WTF!

We needed to generate secret tokens for the app, me being as curious as I am, asked what encryption algorithm they were using, little did I know the the answer would be a random string generator.

Every day further from god.

I'm getting more and more fed up with my fellow colleagues who encounter errors in the execution of their code and come to me like bumbling idiots..." I don't know ow what's wrong ... It's not working"

DID YOU READ THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE? I GUARAN-DAMN-TEE IT TELLS YOU EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG! YOU KNOW WHAT...EVEN IF ITS NOT 100% CLEAR GOOGLE IT. BET YOU FIND THE ANSWER

To add insult to idiocracy...I recently over heard grumblings of being displeased at current level - fuck off you lazy ass child - if you can't read an error and Google for the damned solution in today's era search engines and developer assistance, you don't deserve to call yourself a "Senior Developer"

People like to act like there's some great secret to becoming a competent developer...I'm posit over half is simple reading comprehension

Is anyone else curious about the Algo algorithm?

!rant
Went from uni to my car to drive back home. Engine doesn't start, And report of low oil level is showing up. Hmmm. I've opened hood and checked oil level. It was empty. First thought. I drove here with no oil so I broke the engine. Great... I bought some oil and refiled it. Still same problem. I've called my insurance company and my mechanic. And then. Brilliant thought evolved. Did I turned off ignition on secret switch today? Yea it was it. Had to call everybody again and cancel my AC request. Gosh, I hate having memory of golden fish...

Also. Hi everybody. my first !rant