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Joined devRant on 7/14/2016
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So, Facebook is acquiring Giphy. The amount of metadata they're about to get is fucking insane.
And since I refuse to personally use anything Facebook related... I won't be able to use the GIF integration of any messenger and many more products/services anymore, I guess...
Just fucking great. Fucking die, Facebook.41
So, tonight I didn't really have much planned (I found out) so when I mentioned a side-remark my boss was quick to suggest an evening phone meeting, which I couldn't turn down...
So tonight we've cleaned and archived in our repositories, weeded out teams, member permissions, and such...
The thing is; I like my boss and he's much more of a friend, so when I mentioned that a cleaning would be good, he suggested to do it over a glass or two of something good :)
We ended up spending an hour or two getting a lot closer to the bottom of things — beer in hand and laughs in the air :)6
All the young kids get to work on new projects with the shiny tech....
I feel left out :( I'm only 30 and pretty sure skill-wise I can still kick everyone else's asses on my team...
But I guess I'll remain in the "nanny" role yelling at them whenever something fucks up....7
*random person stars my repo on Github*
Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!
*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*
Me: Take that star back you whore.9
A conversation I had today with my mother-in-law (replace with any boomer).
Me: When did you get this 4G home mobile internet subscription?
MIL: About 3 years ago.
Me: What's the max speed on it?
MIL: No idea.
Me: What are you paying for it per month?
MIL: Not sure.
Me: Ok... Can I see your last bill?
MIL: Hang on, it's on the drawer somewhere with all the other million paper bills I get because I don't know email billing has existed since 2001. Let me dig through it.
Me: You should sign up for email billing...
MIL: What if I forget because I don't see the email?
Me: You don't check your email?
MIL: No because all I get is spam...
Me: You should use a second email for spam.
MIL: How do I know which is spam?
Me: Umm... Anyway about that bill...
MIL: It's $29,90 and it's 10Mbits.
Me: Yeah sounds about right, these speeds are bad and that's definitely a very old plan... There are plans for 50Mbit for $14,90 now. You should swap.
MIL: But this is fine for me.
Me: Literally what?
MIL: I don't need it any faster.
Me: You spend all day watching Netflix and YouTube and you're paying for the HD plan and you don't have fast enough speed... Also when you do that, no one else can use the internet, nothing will load for us.
MIL: You've never had a problem with it before when you were both here.
Me: Because we've never stayed here longer than like 2 days, and usually we use our mobile hotspots but I need to connect some devices via wired now.
MIL: Why do you need to do that?
Me: Never you mind. Anyway, both your daughter and I would like the internet to be at least a twentieth of our home internet speed... Not a hundredth... Plus it's literally $180 cheaper per year.
MIL: I think having slow internet is nice (she actually said this).
Me: We don't, and wtf no one thinks slow internet is nice... Really you should upgrade. They'll probably end support for this plan soon anyway because it's so old (half lie). Also $180 is a lot of money to save.
MIL: If they haven't after 3 years then I doubt they will and they'll just change my over automatically, won't they?
Me: Yes but they probably won't offer you anything remotely as good as if you asked yourself. Why won't you swap?
MIL: Oh I don't know. I don't understand any of the things they ask on the phone.
Me: You can do it all online. You signed up to Netflix without any problems...
MIL: I'll think about it.
Me: Okay and I'll think about mowing the lawn and digging those few new garden beds you wanted.
1 hour later (to her daughter)
MIL: Oh so I got a 5 pack of these 100 decorated serviettes and they were 25% off.
Me: But you won't save $15 a month and get 5 times faster internet to satisfy your daughter and her partner.
Some more hours later
MIL: (to my partner) Can you ask pythoninrelay why Netflix isn't working?
Me: It seems to be because I'm downloading some stuff.
MIL: Can you do that later?
MIL: Okay how long is it going to take?
Me: At this rate, about 13 hours.
MIL: What? What on earth takes that long to download!
Me: Quantum Break (it's 100GB)
MIL: Is that a show? Can't you watch it on Netflix?
Me: No and no it's not on Netflix.
MIL: Well this just won't do! It's not going to work if only one person can use the internet at a time!
Me: ... So you'll swap the internet over?
MIL: That'll solve the problem?
Me: Pretty much.
MIL: How long will it take to swap it over?
Me: Probably about an hour, but definitely less than 13 hours.
MIL: Can you just download that whilst you sleep?
Me: We have dozens of other things we need to download and I need to reprovision my home server. Can you watch Netflix whilst we sleep?
Me: Just give me your laptop and let me change this shit for fucks sake! It was your fucking idea that we all quarantine here. Even if we didn't NEED to swap it, you should think about being proactive enough to make use of my talents and ask me how you can save money and get a better deal on stuff like this anyway.
MIL: I don't care about getting deals on stuff like this.
Me: Yeah nah, but fucking serviettes are worth bragging about right? Hand me the fucking laptop. I won't ask again or we're leaving, quarantine or not.
Not even 35 minutes later, the plan speed silently increases and we're enjoying 100Mbit internet and it's the same price she was paying for 10Mbit. All this fuss and she didn't have to lift a finger...
We've succeeded in making a world where boomers can just live in total selfish comfort and where it's painful for them to consider someone else's needs, even temporarily. Especially if they don't get to brag about it.18
I've just done my first mini project by myself without doing any tutorial, only documentation and following the best pratices.
Yay for me! Now let's go with the next one!11
Interviewer: Why do you want to work for Facebook?
Me: I'm keen on protecting people's data and want them to have a good user experience
Me: haha I'm joking I don't give a shit
Interviewer: haha omg I was like whaaatttt lmao
My classmate is a real SAVAGE!!
He (team leader) and his team participated in hackathons several times and kept losing.
He noticed something common about winning team, majority of those team members were women, even if they were non technical and their project was pure bs, they were winning in the name of women empowerment.
This time he came out with a plan, he fired his boys and invited women into his team, and even made one girl the team leader.
Result? HE WON!!!
NOT ONE BUT THREE HACKATHONS BACK TO BACK
His so called women team was invited by Google to pitch their startup idea.
Now, if they gets funding, he's gonna kick out these women and bring back his teammates33
Companies going from "What do you mean by 'working from home'?!" to "Go home and work or you are fired!"6
Manager: Why is no one innovating?
Me: You hired all of us based on culture fit so you have optimized only in that direction. Everyone is same ... like you
Manager: You are right.4
Technical Founder at today's meeting: "All of you guys have work-life balance. It shouldn't be like that. We need act like a startup. You guys need to work really hard. This guy (pointing at me) once worked 10 hours each day, where I worked 16 hours. We really need to move fast."
I'll just leave this words here.14
Here's a recent interview I had for an Android Developer job:
I: Interviewer, M: Me
I: hello, welcome
M: hi, thanks
I: do you know Kotlin?
M: yes, I've been working with it for 1.5 years and have written 3 projects in it
I: do you know RxJava, Dagger, Retrofit, and how to make Custom Views?
M: yes, I'm comfortable with them *explains*
I: do you know Room?
M: yes I do, I've done a lot of practices in it, but unfortunately have never needed to use it in production
I: what architecture do you use? Do you know MVP?
M: I'm currently using MVVM, but not MVP. I've debugged projects in it so I know what's going on in it
I: ok, do you have any questions for us?
M: how did I do?
I: I'm sorry sir, but you're not even a junior here
M: what? Why is that?
I: well you don't know Room and MVP?
M: I said I know them, just haven't used them in production.
I: well you have 3 years of experience but you dont even know Kotlin!
M: Kotlin was your first question and I said I have 3 projects in it. Did you even check the samples you asked for in the job posting?
I: SIR YOU'RE NOT A GOOD FIT FOR US, THANK YOU FOR COMING.