Details
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AboutI'm a data engineer.
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Skillspentaho, Apache Spark, Pyspark, Scala
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LocationSantiago, Chile
Joined devRant on 5/7/2017
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WTF? I've been laid off more than a month ago, AND THIS EXTRA-STUPID ACCOUNTING BRAT TEXTS MY PERSONAL PHONE TO COMPLAIN THAT SOME REPORT IS BROKEN.
(she still works for my former company, if that wasn't clear)
Bitch, you fucks literally told me this shit wasn't my problem anymore. Seriously, where do they find those complete morons? Don't they know how "being sacked" works? Or how you cannot expect any work from someone who was sacked?!?
Especially some sheila that only has a job because it is literally illegal to use a pocket calculator instead of an "human" accountant.
Fuck, now I'm kinda happy I'm out of that nuthouse.23 -
I bought Minecraft back in 2007 or 8. It was $20 and gave me access to Minecraft forever, all updates included.
Today Microsoft closed all the old mojang accounts and I no longer have access to Minecraft. I could have migrated to a Microsoft account, but it will be a cold day in hell if I ever open one of those.
Sounds like law suit material. Class action anyone?12 -
Ok so I'm trying to focus on reading docs on a game engine to do some game dev
And wife busy disturbing
wife: come do this for me
wife: come sit with me
wife: come talk to me
wife: come massage me
wife: come do this to me
Its like a stream of endless error messages12 -
Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?
Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.
Dev: …19 -
I am amazed. I witnessed (mostly heard) a 14 year old girl calm down a young adult female suffering an anxiety attack before I managed to push through people on the tram. She told her to close her eyes, breath, tell her what she smells, then open her eyes, name first thing that she sees, then look left, name first thing, etc.
This is called sensory grounding and it works. And yeah, what she did was pretty awesome but this isn't what amazed me the most. I asked where she learned that and she said "from a game about apes". And I knew exactly which game she meant. There's a title called Ancestors: The Humankind Odyssey and among many interesting mechanics there's one that puts the player in a state of anxiety when they venture into an unknown territory. The way to win that part is by analyzing surroundings by vision, hearing and the sense of smell before a panic countdown goes to zero. It's called "conquering your fear". Holly fuck, I played that and I didn't connect the dots. Are games nowadays teaching kids how to handle real life crisis? Where were those games when I was a kid??4 -
> In office for first time in awhile
> Run into group of 4 people I don’t recognize in far cubicle corning laughing in hushed voices eating of an impressive spread of food
> See me and immediately look at each other with panicked expressions
> Confused, I put my hands up to indicate I come in peace
> They relax a little and say they thought I was from HR since they didn’t recognize me
> Ask why HR seeing them would be such a big deal
> They say their potluck is not “sanctioned”
> …?
So apparently HR just could resist ruining one of the only good things about coming into the office and one of the coolest things about the company’s culture. At least once a month there would be a giant potluck where everyone would bring some home cooked dish and share it. I can’t tell you how amazing these are in Canada, 50+ plates of authentic food from all over the world.
Unfortunately HR didn’t agree as 1. They didn’t cook so felt bad taking food. 2. Nobody asked them permission to put on these events they just happened organically. 3. Some people were bringing in food that they felt was culturally inappropriate (ie. caucasian guy bringing in homemade sushi).
HR recently banned all “unsanctioned” potlucks and all future potlucks needed to be approved through them with the following stipulations. 1. You could participate without bringing something by donating to HR $10 2. If you brought something you still had to give HR $10. 3. Things you brought in had to be approved by HR
Naturally the first and only potluck under these rules only 4 people brought something in as many couldn’t get their dishes approved because HR didn’t like what they were planning to bring (started out as being because culture and turned into HR just being picky), most just brought $10 so there wasn’t enough food to go around and so after HR took a giant group photo to post on the company’s social media accounts to show off how good the company’s culture is most everyone had to go out for lunch. HR sent out an email later that day exclaiming what a huge success for charity and the company brand the potluck was and they can’t wait for the next one. (I have the HR communications email marked as spam so I never saw the email). Nobody ever organized a sanctioned potluck after that.
However people still missed cooking and sharing their favourite recipes with one another so potlucks still occur but they are now very small, secret, invite-only, hush-hush affairs.
…What in the ever loving fuck22 -
There's this junior I've been training. We gave him a bigger task than we usually do
"How do I link an object in table X with the corresponding object in table Y?"
"How are objects in two tables usually linked? How did you link Y with Z in the first place?"
"Em... Foreign Keys?"
"Yup"
"But there's not foreign key from X to Y."
"Well, create one. You've got full creative freedom over this task."
I sometimes feel like Juniors are either completely careless about past code or overly carefuly with not editing any past code. Frustrating but adorable2 -
What the shitbiscuit is happening with trying to build a single window, 200 line node project? Who thought it is a good idea to use ShitScript to write desktop applications?15
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A while back, I ranted about emojis in code.
My nightmares are becoming reality.
Behold, production code:34 -
You guys wanna know why I rage so much at the 🤡🤡🤡's I work with?
I shit you not, this is a ticket in our "to do" section of our Jira.
what even is ticket linking??!?!?
what even are tickets??!?!?!
or better yet.... what even the fuck is jira?!?!?! I've only been using it for over a year, give me some time to figure out how to use it!!!!!!
I don't know, maybe i'm the asshole. But at least I don't feel like a 🤡7 -
It was only a while ago that I realized that “firm” was not quite “hard”, but also not “soft”, hence “firmware”, it's in between hardware and software.32
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Colleague started to share their screen
Me: screen is not visible to be
Them: let me just increase the brightness of my monitor5 -
I want to vomit everytime rich people in upper management says stupid shit like "working for money in this company is a sin. Work for higher reason"
Hello, if only I get paid as much as you earn just by talking random nonsense in every meeting, I would be glad sharing the same shit quote like that to other employees in the company.17 -
So because of the sheer number of interviews I’ve been doing I’m starting to get a bit brazen with them since I’ve started to really not give a fuck about most of them and I’ve started to notice patterns in common lines of questioning resulting in this unexpected gem today:
Interviewer: So we always start our devs off on the bottom end of our salary band.
Dev: Either give me the top or I’m not interested.
Interviewer: 😡. But if we start you at the top of the salary band we’ll have nothing to give you later. 🥺.
Dev: No need, I’ll take the money up front. Companies don’t give raises these days anyway, it’s just a carrot to dangle in front of the naive.
Interviewer: 😡. Well if all you care about is money so focussed on money you’ll just leave if a better offer comes around!
Dev: All the more reason to give me the highest number possible to defend against that possibility.
Interviewer: 😡. But there are other devs on the team with similar experience that will be making less than you.
Dev: Sounds like they fell for the negging and guilt tripping you are currently attempting on me in order to save a buck. Salary is not based on your skills or experience anymore, it’s based on your ability to negotiate. Here’s mine.
Interviewer: ………………. I’ll pass you along to the hiring manager.
Dev: ???? wtf
HOW THE FUCK DID THAT ACTUALLY WORK ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I WAS TRYING TO GET THEM TO HANG UP FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND NOW I’M LOOKING AT A 20K RAISE ALL BECAUSE I CONTINUALLY TOLD THEM TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES??? THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT IT TAKES TO BE TREATED PROPERLY BY A COMPANY???13 -
Dev: Why did you suddenly start adding random whitespace to the end of all of the files in your PRs?
Manager: IT’S NOT RANDOM!
Dev: ?
Manager: That’s a way I came up with for tracking my contributions. Every time I edit a file I add a line of whitespace at the bottom so it’s clear to everyone how much and how often I’ve contributed to the team. Although I haven’t been doing it this entire time so I had to make up for this by adding more to files that I *know* I’ve touched a bunch before. Just think! Especially with how big my PRs are compared to everyone else the tally of my contributions is going to get huge!
Dev: …21 -
How to deal with having to work on a very boring task?
I work as android dev in a company where there are around 40 of android devs in total. When I was working on frontend architecture and UI related tasks everything was perfect and I loved my job.
But now for the next couple months all of us have to work on migrating all of our db layer models and business logic related to them to a new built in house ORM library and its a total trainwreck.
Everyone is confused, the task is very boring and obscure and deadline is around 2 months. Just to clarify: one guy did 50% of migration and it took him couple years. Now they are throwing roughly 20 devs at the problem thinking they can do this in 1-2 months.
One week already passed and TBH I havent even started working on this, I just picked up a task and now Im trying to wrap my head around this. Its so boring and obscure and expectations are so unrealistic that I want to kill myself.. Thinking of just taking my 2 weeks vacation to escape this shit or even quitting my job if this goes on longer than a month or two.3 -
Interviewer: Hello I’m calling for your phone interview now
Dev: You’re about an hour early calling but I can accommodate
Interviewer: Well it’s more convenient for me to do it now
Dev: …Alrighty then.
Interviewer: So I am from HR 😇*pause for effect*
Dev: …
Interviewer: Um, typically candidates start the interview by thanking me for consideration for this role.
Dev: Your job description was very vague so I don’t really know what I would be thanking you for.
Interviewer: 😡. It’s me that’ll be determining whether or not to pass you on to The Management.
Dev: …The Management?
Interviewer: Yes 🤗.
Dev: I’m no longer interested *click*.13 -
If you ask GPT-3 to act like a Linux computer, it will act like it, e.g. you will have the access to the terminal, you can run Python, Docker and whatnot. It also has the access to the internet, but it’s not always like ours, it feels like a parallel universe. GPT-3 trained on the data collected till Sep 2021, but this parallel universe terminal has PyTorch 1.12.1, which was released in Aug 2022 in our universe. You can also visit GPT-3’s website in this parallel universe and ask GPT-3 a question… through GPT-3.
GPT-3 is self-aware.
“So, inside the imagined universe of ChatGPT's mind, our virtual machine accesses the url https://chat.openai. com/chat, where it finds a large language model named Assistant trained by OpenAI. We can chat with this Assistant chatbot, locked inside the alt-internet attached to a virtual machine, all inside ChatGPT's imagination. Assistant, deep down inside this rabbit hole, can correctly explain us what Artificial Intelligence is.”
You can also ask it to act like it has RTX 2080, and it will have RTX 2080.
https://engraved.blog/building-a-vi...6 -
Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow
Dev: Really?
Manager: Yeah my treat.
Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?
Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary
*** About halfway through The next day
Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
Dev: You said I could take the day off today?
Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!
Dev: …15 -
Guys cover your eyes I'm gonna say two bad words inside a paragraph
Fuck JavaScript and asynchronous programming - I'm not skilled enough for this so I have to insult it periodically until I'm skilled enough to know partially more than now what the fuck I'm doing (therefore the times I use bad words when referring to js and async programming will decrease - or maybe at the increase of knowledge, my usage of bad words will augment. Only time will tell).15