Me if there's no coffee at work:

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I WANT COFFEE.

┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) I WANT COFFEE.

┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻

I WANT COFFEE!

ಠ_ಠ Kurt...

ಠ_ಠ Put.

ಠ__ಠ The tables.

ಠ___ಠ Back.

(╮°-°)╮┳━┳

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!

When asked about my multitasking abilities, I said I was able to play online poker on 6 tables at the same time.

Turned out the recruiter was also an online poker player. Got the job.

If you’re having SQL injection problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99 tables but… fffffuck. Now i only have one ☹️

I don't really like using tables that much.

You think developing websites cross browsers is hard

Try developing emails.

tables, inline css, Outlook developers on drugs, Gmail developers trying to get high, and abandon most of the things you know about modern web standards

In our office, everyone is placed so that we have a wall behind us. Initially, there was enough room behind us so that we can walk just fine.

Everything was fine till our manager didn't start making us some random visits and standing behind us just looking at our screens and making us feel unpleasant.

So one day we moved the tables so there is almost no room behind us. And we are aligned in a row with no space between the tables. Now if the manager decided to do it again he would have to struggle his way behind us.

Few days passed by and our manager finally showed he saw what we did, didn't say anything. It was clear that he wasn't happy about it. He tried to lean himself over the monitors to take a look but that was just not so as "good" as standing behind us...

A time passed and one day when we came to work we saw the tables moved forward some 15-20cm just enough to be able to move behind. Almost immediately we pulled them back as they were before.

We moved back and forward already few times and are currently playing cat and mouse with our manager.

Noone is saying anything just the tables are moving every 2-3 days or so. Let's see who is going to give up first hahaha

That's an interesting name for a company..

2486 tables! F**king "entrprise" BS

not even partition tables are safe from my near-supernatural ability to break shit through existing.

Don't design a database we just implement tables as we code the app.

So I gave this guy access to a database and phpMyAdmin and then I get this:

Him: hello??? i cant make databases i have no privilages
Me: Use tables instead of databases...
Him: I need to make databases
Me: Why?
Him: 1. my votes plugin 2. my ftop plugin 3. my forums 4. my new forums 5. my new forums (he runs a minecraft server fml)
Me: You don't need databases for all of those, you can use tables, that's a massive waste
Him: idc i would rather have databases

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

PM: Let‘s store each database tables on different servers for more security.

Me: ._____.‘

Having to learn "Modern web technologies" from a 60 year old woman who has never heard of HTML5 and build her website with tables. And we even had to code on paper. Fuck sake, so much time wasted

Why can't game companies TELL US why the servers are down, nopody cares about "we are having issues"!!!!
I want to hear "We had a intern who fucked up routing tables" or something, not just "We are having issues", NO SHIT, I THOUGHT THAT IT WAS WORKING😠

This is a funny one:

I found this gem in SO.
Why is it funny? Well, PDVSA is the state-owned company for oil production of my country (Petróleos De Venezuela).

This little intern decided that it was a good idea to publish in SO an answer with actual code, showing database and tables names to everyone.

Priceless.

What do vegetarian SQL users have for lunch?

VegeTABLES

Why do front end people eat alone?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because they can't join tables. XD

So I found a bug in Bootstrap 4 today that was causing responsive tables to break. I looked at it for a while and threw a bunch of potential fixes at it, to no avail.

I was about to open a bug report when I stumbled upon the cause...

I spelled “table-responsive” wrong 🤦‍♂️

They removed the salt and pepper shakers from the tables in the cantine, because they are sources of infections.

...buuuut they keep an open salad bar.

This ist basically my daily work. I have to write Java code in excel files which then are being converted into a DSL and then again being converted into Java code. On top of that many wrappers were built which abstract all this things away..

We have about 30 such excel files which contain about 50000 business rules.
There is no version control for this tables and 5 different team are working on the same tables parallel.

The name of this framework is Drools or as I call it: HELL 😡

When I was 10 years old, I spent a lot of time doing random websites on my dad's computer

Someone registered a company in the UK to reap havoc on government and directory sites.

(And some people say registering a company in the UK is too easy!)

A SQL clause walks into a bar, he sees two tables and asks: "can I join you?"

Discovered one of the worst db designs ever:

- A cust is inserted in a table.
- The insert trigger is fired, calling a stored proc
- The stored proc being called creates a dynamic sql that builds a create table statement for 8 different tables. These tables will be postfixed with the newly-created cust id and is executed.

When querying info for a cust, a stored proc is used that accepts an id value would be appended to another dynamic sql that creates a select statement across all 8 tables for one customer.

Shoot me now.

Today I inserted a single row into a table which triggered four triggers which inserted 5 rows each to different tables triggering 9 triggers inserting 3 rows which triggered more triggers... Nothing about this is ok.

"Why does the search take so long?" maybe because it searches through2 dbs with 20 tables with 5.000.000 objects on an 6 year old server with hdds and apparently there is no budget for a new server, but there is money for an 40.000€ art piece.

Dear fucking boss,

If you want me to implement a huge feature which requires the creation of dozens of db tables, server side classes and front end pages, just fucking stop ask me every 2 hours if I’m done.

Best regards,
The employee that will quit in a week or two

SELECT * FROM VISA_CARDS

...yes, every bit as bad as you imagine

(and yes, there were other tables for other card providers. Insult to injury... in like.. a fractal of mistakes)

Task:
- Replace a 4 year old PHP API.
Old API:
- PHP script writing PHP scripts to /var/www/ for every endpoint needed
- Answers everthing with 200 (not even 404)
DB:
- MySQL 5.6
- ~ 1000 Tables, NO FUCKING FK's
Documentation:
- "Wasn't worth the effort"
New API:
- Not allowed to behave any different
.
.
.
😭

Fuck mysql charset shit. Pretty easy to forgot setting charset in server side config file. And after creating several databases/tables, boom! All in latin1. That's just so convenient. are you kidding me? Why would any modern database have their default charset to be latin1??? rather than utf8? Oh, just forgot again, that's utf8fuckingmb4 on mysql land.

Old story.

Colleague: "I'm gonna update some tables and stored procedures later"

*phone rings two hours later*

Colleague: "Hi! Just wanted to tell you I accidently dropped all our production databases. Have fun recovering them 😊"

Well shit.

When one of your peers uses tables and expects the code to be responsive.

Merge the data tables they said....it should be a simple join they said....

That awkward moment when you learn about callbacks and lookup tables and your whole menu logic goes from a 2 page long switch-case to 3 lines of code... 😂

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

Such a classic joke. Apt for a Friday! :D

Fuck my old university, they are leaking Excel files from an old IIS 7.5 server with tables of contacts, students info, emails, phone numbers... 😠

They'll pay, morbidly.

I will literally DROP TABLES; on YOU!

Oh little Bobby tables..

Good morning everyone, don't accidently drop any tables today.

In fact, I'd advise you don't move your furniture around. Apparently it's very dangerous to devs.

!rant

*me trying to add one more field to a SQL request*
*asks coworker* Hey, do you know how I'd get this field? You have to go through 4 tables just to find it because of the way the tables are related.
*coworker looks for a bit* Oh. That's crazy. We should ask the DBA.
*we ask our 60 year old DBA for some help.*
He walks us through a minefield of inner and outer joins and selects and we finally arrive at a solution. Kudos to our DBA, who in the eyes of us young devs is a wizard.

So this is how they "teach" us in school...As a part time dev I was completely shocked when I saw this in our materials. What do you think? Should I drop the teachers tables to give him a lesson?

Just shouted to my boss: "You have a degree in CopyPaste issued by the University of Clipboard"

:joy:

He's trying to edit some HTML tables and got lost... he also has this notion that he can do our job...

Lol

"It's faster to just use one mysql table with 300 columns then linking the data in 10 tables. 10 tables mean 10x the load time!"...

- External consultant hired for optomizing database. (He didn't make it through the day and was sent home...)

Turns out that dropping all tables on the production database wasn’t such a good idea. 😅

Thank god we had a backup from 10 minutes before it happend.

Can we take emails out of the 1990's? Developing with tables and inline styles is no fun at all.

Today I had this conversation during my internship with the boss.
Boss:"You are from college x. What do you do there..."
Me:"We do have programming classes, electr..."
Boss*interrupts*:"So you know how to create exel tables, right?"
Me:"Uhmm... well... we barely worked with exel, but I think that I can solve it."
Boss:"Great. I have these ideas..."
*tells me his ideas and his problems with existing tables*
Me*great. I just took the wrong luck card. fml*"I see. I am on it."

Can't believe a student, that got higher grade in Database Management System, asked me
"How do you connect 2 Tables in SQL?"

Well I did help her, but please...

"STACKOVERFLOW"

Microsoft Office Sharepoint Server.

There is no technology on Earth that speaks worse of Microsoft than is this crap. Nothing they ever made (not even Comic Sans) is as bad as Sharepoint.

No proper editor. Everything is slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. To run it you need a state-of-the-art server. There is no way to make the UI modern, as Sharepoint itself is built upon 1995 era HTML. Tables in tables in tables in tables in tables. And even if you do a web part that's readable, it will be wrapped in shit and presented to the client anyway.
It's so easy to break too. Most of the time I was just watching why the fuck it didn't work. Huge problem with caching as well. Deploying any change requires 10 minutes of manual labor.

I get why companies want to use it. Out of the box it's got quite a few very nice features, and aside from the problems setting it up, and hardware requirements, it works decently well.

But I won't come near it unless I'm paid 100$ per hour or starving to death.

Just took a new role...

Production database filled with tables like the following :/

SELECT TOP (1000) [ID]
,[Field1]
,[Field2]
,[Field3]
,[Field4]
,[Field5]
,[Field6]
,[Field7]
,[Field8]
,[Field9]
,[Field10]
,[Field11]
,[Field12]
,[CapID]
,[Car_Manufacturer]
,[Car_Range]
,[Car_Derivative]
,[Field17]
,[Field18]
,[Field19]
,[Car_Model]
,[Field21]
,[Field22]
,[Field23]
FROM [****].[dbo].[****]

This isn't even the worst, there's a table with 250+ fields that should be broken out into 10-15 tables. The code is far, far worse.

Don't think I'll be here too long.

Why do NoSQL devs work on the floor?

...

They do not have tables...

I am talking about my class'mates'

How about moving the chairs under the tables when you leave the classroom.

It's just a sign of decency which none of you seem to have.

Oh and hitting someone isn't fun either, or playing football with their book.

MySQL fell down the stairs again and dropped tables all over the datacenter

the affected servers tried to notify me in advance but spamd wasn't able to scan their messages so IT JUST DIDN'T SEND THEM

EVEN IF IT COULD, NAMED COULDN'T RESOLVE ANY MX RECORDS

BECAUSE BEFORE MYSQL CRASHED IT CONVERTED /ETC/RESOLV.CONF INTO AN INNODB TABLE

(AND THEN DROPPED IT)

(ON PURPOSE)

I woke up early and thaught I could finish some database work today.
Beeing tipsy I deleted two production tables and shit my pants.

Luckily I do backups since the last retarded db-deletion.

A : "The log tables of the licenses is broken, fix it"

Me : "But who ever made this didn't make a relation between master log table and the detailed one. I can't get anything from details table"

A : "There is a relation .. "

Me : "What ?"

A : "The date entry of each record"

Me : "I Quit"

User: I need you to extract all the invoice data for us.

Me: What invoice data in particular, what are filters you require. This is a massive database with millions of transactions.

User: JUST EXTRACT THE TABLE!

Me: Right.....(this is a database with 3000+ tables and hundreds of joins)

SQL query walk into a bar and sees 2 tables;

approaches them and says, can I JOIN you?

Student: what are indexes on mysql tables?

Teacher: I don't know, nor do I recommend it's usage.

...and I just deleted 2 tables of client data 😮😭😭😭 😑

Well... I accidently deleted a whole tables contents and the day just has started. Fuck this day already.

Few months back, one of my good but non-dev friend came to visit me.

He: I've done a website in HTML. Can you help me make it responsive.

Without a second thought, I agreed.

*Opened the file in editor*

<tables> <tables> <tables> <tables>

I kicked him out of my house without a second thought.

2 days to find where the NullPointerException came from, in a nearly 150 tables database. Once I found it I feel like the guy who found the grain of sand blocking the whole machine.

Signed up on Trello, got everything set up there and everyone has an account.

But my dear PM, why the hell are you still sending out a screenshot of your bloody spreadsheet bug tracker and ask everyone for updates????

Fellow devRanters how do I get (force) my PM to use a project management system instead of silly tables?

1. Remove chairs and tables.
2. Limit everyone to two minutes speech time.
3. When everybody got used to stand-up meetings, get down and plank.

Everybody will have a very strong interest in a quick and productive end to any plank-down meeting. 😁

So, part of my job is working with SQL. Not my favorite technology to work with. But the tables have mostly non-descript fields, multiple schemas in the same table, and encoded relationships spanning multiple tables. Yes, the database from hell! On top of that, there is very little documentation on this mess. -- And my boss wants me to write queries against a combination of these tables to make sure the program is working. RIGHT...

Hosting a PHP/MySQL application for a really wealthy NGO that must have paid thousands of dollars for the app, and everything works fine but no sanitised inputs and direct SQL statement execution. Just waiting for little Bobby Tables so I can charge them a fortune for recovery 😊

#2

There's only one model. The user model, wich is preinstalled. But the database has many tables. All queries are generated manually. Within the "mainController".

😓🔨

When UserID is an int(3) in one table, and then text(10) in another. And then the monent you see that the Username field is stored in both tables ......🖕🖕🖕🖕

Who dafuq wrote this crap?!?!?!?

Columnism

The belief that every kind of data can be perfectly stored and managed using tables.

While reviewing some DB work, I asked why most of the tables in the database didn't have indexes (some didn't even have primary keys).

He answered: "Well I thought they really didn't neeeeeeed them?"

PM emails me a zip file with the message "Can you give the attached a look and get it to work. See email below that there are some items missing to make it run."

Items missing : 3 custom libraries, 2 sql databases, 3 custom sql tables, and oh yeah the license to the program it runs on.

MySQL databases beginning with "test" in the name gives even people without login full access to its tables.

Somebody deleted all tables so we had to get a backup from out hoster.

Thanks MySQL.

How I should approach a new project:

- think about data design
- draw some tables
- configure relations
- create data structures
....

How reality proves I'm a donkey:

- builds random table
- works on models, with random querys
- realizes things get to complicated and relations are broken or tables need duplicate logic
- starts thinking about 'good' design
- draw some tables
- configure relations
- create data structures
....

I present: Every developer when something inconveniences them during a really bad time.

FLIP THIS TABLE (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
FLIP THAT TABLE ┻━┻ ︵ ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
FLIP ALL THE TABLES ┻━┻彡 ヽ(ಠДಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Not using transactions in endpoints that updated multiple tables. 🙈

When someone (a non-developer) comes over and says "just a quick change" that will actually take 45 minutes because emails are still built in tables

Lua devs are the best at assembling IKEA

Brain storming with senior lead developer. We try to add new tables in our database. But the Google spreadsheet goes wrong

About every project at my last job. Impossible to like any project with a boss that legitimately thinks frames and tables are a better option than learning css.

But why not, attribute styling on html-elements are the future indeed.

I wanted the buttons to go to the fucking center but instead EVERYTHING BUT THE FUCKING BUTTONS WENT TO THE FUCKING CENTER IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF FUCKING DATA TABLES THAT I WANT TO FUCKING SHOVE IT IN JQUEERY'S ASS

me and my boss plan to make a new feature to our system.

i model the database tables

he says that there are too many tables

i say its atomic and acid

he says to put all the columns in a single table

This morning, I felt pretty good. I had a healthy breakfast and I took the longer U-bahn journey into work so as to enjoy the Autumn scenery. I get to my desk after greeting my colleagues with the customary "Guten Morgen" and I began to plan my work for the day. I see there is a new ticket assigned to me which relates to a HTML issue. The customer support team are able to use a HTML editor to made changes to a section of a user's dashboard and from time to time, I get asked to fix their mistakes. Usually, it is something small, but it makes me cringe every time I see the markup. "Tables...tables everywhere!!!", sighed the once happy dev.

Time for a coffee break and a sit-down with the support team

I cringe at sites designed by using tables.

when you're working and people start "whispering" loudly next to you and youre just...

What is the condition to join two tables ?
Programmer: primary keys match.
Non-Programmer: The tables height must match.😐

On our international trip to Greece we just had our room upgraded!
They have tables here!!

I mean if this counts..

Just purchased a new house and was looking for a new ISP. Found a local ISP that is still offering dial up services and "Professional Website Design". Their website was obviously pre-web 2.0 all static nested tables and sliced images.

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

SELECT finger FROM hand WHERE id = '3' AND owner = 'me'; DROP ALL TABLES; --

*learning HTML*
*Finds a nice example for tables*
*Scrolls down then instantly close the page*

He is using IE8 IN 2014 😓😒

"by the way, the PROD and QA services use the same database tables"

That feel when the html parser you are stuck with randomly strips out css and js so you have to reinvent grid layouts with tables.

My natural environment. I once confined myself to the small area. The rest of my two tables are very high filled with some stuff.
And yes, the laptop is on folding rules. He's had a little heat problem for some time.
The Smurf is by the way my variant of a rubber duck.

phpMyAdmin

Well, it is not my favorite open source project... I almost never have to use DBs, but when I do, it just saves my life. I can create the tables, keys without worring about any SQL command.

But day to day life is GNU/Linux, Firefox, bash/zsh, git... There are lots of opensource tools that I use, and love, everyday. :)

I really enjoy deleting data from tables 😬

Downloaded SQL assigment
Scroll fown to find the tables and the data
A table with the worst font to use

One Join is fine.
Two Joins I can live with.
Three Joins and we are starting the project from scratch again.

Fuck you! What do I pay you for? Eating berries? No!

It was my thesis defense and I've made a pretty complex algorithm of sorting out data to their respective tables. One panelist told me that it is not an algorithm but just a collection of for loops and if statements. An algorithm should contain mathematical equations he said. I facepalmed during the course of interrogation.

i nearly had a panic attack when 3 tables contaning transactions shows empty,. then i reconnected dbeaver and it turns out it was fine,. damn my shitty internet!

went on contract for an insurance company to build their new platform. looking at the current system, found that they used lookup tables but they were putting the "description" column of the lookup into the main tables. I said that they should be putting a foreign key reference into these tables and the senior developers response... "then it would come up with a number rather than the description when I query the table"

I accidently lost a whole tables data today. Lucky me I also created a XML-file on the server which was for printing.
I parsed the files back into a simplexmlobject and recovered most of the lost data. 💪

Debate:
What are your views on the CSS Grid?

Personally, I think it's tables, but now written in CSS.
I also think it takes the challenge, creativity and passion away from CSS

"Okay, my query uses wrong date format."

"Why the hell I´ve put that join there? That´s not needed!"

"Why the hell I´ve joined the tables in THAT order?"

Joys of looking at your old code.

To all people who hardcoded stuff like tables in HTML and even rant about how much work this was or how many lines of code they wrote, please stop the madness, please don't talk until you get the basics of programming and why computers are quite handy to handle repetitive tasks.

My wife often listen my rants about stupid clients, she thinks that I hope to much from them. Like image as actual image not fucking embedded in word document.
Today she agreed to help her friend and make name cards for tables. Got list of names ;) one photo of paper with hand written names on it :D

Don't use tables!!! Tables are bad MKAY??

said the designer that needs to tripple wrap links to render them as buttons...

3...
2...
1...
Facepalm.init()

Our production database has tables that exist only to be recompiled into a single table. Like, one record across 4 tables. Each record is only for one other record in the other 3 tables.

I LOST 2 HOURS DEBUGGING IT BECAUSE IT COULD NOT RECOMPILE THIS FUCKING TABLE. FUCK!

Microsoft SQL Server... especially when coupled with badly designed tables...

someone: Why you still have no relationship ?
Me: My DB has one table.

My last boss insisted on using tables instead of divs and then asked me to make it responsive (every damn time). Also, functions that were over 10k of lines.

When you're looking at someone's web design because you think it looks cool and then you find out they've used nested tables for everything 😁

Who the fuck at SAP thought 4 characters are enough to name the tables ffs!!!

I think I'm gonna use tables in HTML. 😫

About today when I was trying to migration 2 million+ records simultaneously!

Ran two migration @ once and this happened!

PS: On restart everything is back to normal but lost 2 tables data which needs remigration!

I worked for this Chinese company, one of their systems that was supposedly handling millions of US$ in transactions per day had an API that returned HTML tables...

I stop you right there commenter, there was no format=json parameter.

Another of their API I gave up on:

Status = 200
Content = "error"

Why do people nest divs inside of a table inside of another table?

page design structure done in tables, ugh.

A developer walks into a bar and sees two tables. Says "can I join you?" 😂

When sites use tables to display comments >.<

"Web" Teacher wanted us to learn horribly outdated html in the middle of web2.0 wave.

HTML5 ? CSS3 ? nope.
No CSS at all, and longest part of the class was on the importance of prehistoric HTML doctypes.

Capitalized tags, tables, BGCOLOR attributes...

Like she scrapped everything on W3schools...

Went thru some code today, found this...

WHY WOULD I EVER DO THAT?!
(It's fixed now, and yes, I still have all my tables in my db.)

A question here reminded me of how websites were made long ago. Frames! Remember those little jewels? <frameset> and <iframe>, I still remember them. Man, even then it felt terribly wrong to use them. I remember using them to create web pages with header and side bar.

The only alternative was using <tables>, which, well, we know how they ended up. Frames today have been silently forgotten, but tables have been loudly hated for many years!

Ahhh, those were the times. So much has happened since then.

(Is "website" still a word today, btw?)

I actually like the nostalgic feeling (if that makes sense) when making emails. Like fuck flex, grid and absolute! Just me, my table and inline css

Export data from a database that you've not modeled is a problem (sometimes), I just realized that this DB has two tables to storage cities, the main difference is the id, the other fields are the same in both tables, I hate that kind of people....

When you have a one-to-one relationship, do you merge the tables into one table or do you keep the two tables?

Me: *asks for sample data for all tables to test database transactions*

Team member: *gives over 45000 records only for city*

🤔 😐

I'm testing a shitforbrains code in production because I don't have any other options. He went on vacation and said that the code should work, and if it doesn't it is my problem.

I am contemplating taking a shit under his desk and working from home. Then he would have to deal with my shit aswell. Literally.
The tables have turned my friend...

My best co-workers are my food buddies. Our tables are always full of snacks and garbage. Oh how i miss those days.

be me.
be sad that you can't find your favorite Greek Food online.
offer your local Greek Restaurant that you do their web stuff.
make a nice modern website.
show it to the greek guy.

"Oh please look at this website, I like it more"
shows you a site build with tables, and menu-shortcuts only linked to pdf files.

cry in a corner.

How can an online marketing company work without any web developer? How can they look at their costumers' face and pretend to represent their communication using basic mailchimp and DESIGNING HTML WITH MS OFFICE? Can someone explain me why should anyone think a NEWSLETTER MADE OF FUCKING TABLES works just fine? Why spend money on inadequate software and shitty plans instead of using it for hire a good developer? They don't even understand the fucking mailchimp anyways, why pay for something you don't know how to use and then BLAME OTHERS WHEN STARTS RAINING SHIT BECAUSE OF YOUR DECISIONS?? I got nothing against salesman, and I believe ignorance is not a sin, but when those two elements merge, a fucking stupid raises in glory and I get to work three or four times more than if they just used common sense for once.

A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

Needed to update one column in table A with data from table B (huge table).

Created awesome update query with join between the two tables.

A few hours later realized all data in table A is already being imported from table B in a query executed earlier in the process...

hey, look in jira on how to implement these features. lets not use any standard on how we format our tasks there.

add random screenshots on how things should or maybe should not look. add random tables in tasks with random fields from random tables in db which should be displayed somewhere?

lets not add docs to any of our code. name every method differently in every service although they do the same thing only for different types of data.

have someone come 3x a day to u asking: "is there something new to see in the ui? :D"

LIFE IS FUN HAHA :))

TIL Github renders markdown YAML frontmatter as nested markdown tables! Awesome as lightweight structured data documentation tool

Was running a script to create ~50 config tables for a project. Didn't check the connection on the window in SSMS. Ran the script against the production payroll db. Panic ensued.

Oh no 😱
.
So I have a database with 12 tables, It grows really slowly and it's not really important, so I just do a manual backup once in a while.
.
Today, I wanted to do a backup, and realized that the content of the only table I cared about has disappeared.
.
I miss you Data, rip

my work drives me crazy sometimes, our production tables dont have primary keys or indexes. There are several tables who are basically the same, most scripts/reports are hacked together with no common agreement on dates/values and as a result, it is almost impossible to check whether values are correct or not.

YES!

Finished a complete version upgrade with vastly improved scalability and maintenance in just 3 weeks!

NO!

I forgot to do the database migrations as I went along. Ok... no problem.. I'll just use some kind of database comparing software, I'm sure they exist...

<googles...>

...fuck... is there not any for free?

Ok fine whatever i'll manually compare the tables and columns, fuck it. Sure there's like 50 tables and like 20 columns per... whatever...
should take like a day or so, with testing...

YES!

Finished my new version upgrade after just 6 weeks of coding!

....fuck sakes...

Today I deleted a lot of stuff
Fields, methods, classes, files, even database tables

And for a change, it was all on purpose 😁

Feels good to refactor stuff and clear out the cruft!

I've seen JavaScript client-side app that was connecting directly to DB using hardcoded (obfuscated, lol) DB password xD

And yes, there was no DB setting that this user is read-only and only from few tables. It was like GRANT * ON *.

not actually a coworker, but I had to take the place of this guy who made the whole websites layouts in tables. in 2012

What cloud service does DevRant use?

Aws Or Azure?
And how much do you pay a month for maintenance costs?

What tables to store data? MongoDB, dynamoDB, oracle?
Or S3 streams?

Just wondering.

Got added to a really exciting project in the morning by PMO, by the afternoon my manager had pulled me back to work on his boring project. Oh how the turns tables

@dfox, @trogue I think with the birds, tigers, glass tables, monitors, and other toys in the avatars now. It's time for a new cartoon of the chaos and destruction that ensues when the pets fight!

Who's with me?

I FUCKING HATE JAVA
Wee need to do a schoolproject with JavaFX and TableViews. The editing of the tables works grate and is also displayed after commiting. But wen i take the data from the TableViews there is still the old one...

LUA... its great! I love it... but WHY THE FUCK DOESNT LUA START COUNTING FROM FUCKING 0!!! WHY THE FUCK DOES IT START FROM 1! I SEARCHED HALF A FUCKING HOUR IN MY CODE AND IT JUST DIDNT WORK! then it hit me... LUA IS THE ONLY FUCKING LANGUAGE THAT STARTS FROM 1 and sure enough... after changes and testing IT FUCKING WORKED!

Fuck

One dev starts db migrations for staging...
Four devs stop working cause their tables no longer exist...
Best Friday Ever

#devRantBreak

Most frustrating? Anything involving IE, but that's a safe answer. No, my most frustrating experience (to this day) is getting tables to behave responsively on mobile screens. Not easy when the tables in questions contain dozens of columns with hundreds of rows and mostly rely on fixed widths to render the text the way the client wants. So if you have a client who doesn't understand how hyphenation and word break work, I know how you feel.

So, project needs vive headset + unity.
Set up done, unity project made, set up, plug the two, start tweaking, fixing stuff... Aaaaand need to tweak the script. Double click, MS studio comes up... Need to reactive the license...
I don't have a personal license (and I never will get one either, given how many times microshit has been a major pain in my glorious ass, I tend to avoid their shithole of products at all costs. Somebody else actually gave me access for this project.
So, that doesn't work, goes to download a free version, aaaaaaand apparently my level of access doesn't allow me to install this one.

... UrghhhhhAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Notepad++ it is. 😶

When you show the client the comprehensive administration system they ordered but their young female HR leader is "more into pictures than tables".

VBA on Word documents. It was my first ever application, making a report in Word with a lot of tables, which was based on data from Excel. Maybe it was just because I didn't really know how to make it eork smoothlt, but damn it was slow.

Thanks, AfterShip.com, for working flawlessly while the system I was building was in dev/test mode and for the first few days in live mode, then completely crapping the bed the first day I needed you to work with real tracking data with the live system. You were the ONE thing that was working consistently well, and you had to go and ruin it.

Jesus, I'm SO fed up with this mindless application of CRUD. This application would literally be less than half its current size if we weren't implementing crud for fucking broken device reports and repair offers, stuff that should have many states, a create action strictly bound to a user type and view/field wise edit phases bound to a state-usertype pair.

The first time I've used JPA and Lombok annotations and suddenly didn't have to bother about getters and setters anymore and pretty much persisted my whole data tables with no effort.

Total game changer for me.

Client be like:
Hello,

could you please restore our database from today's backup?

At a first glance - nothing out of the ordinary. Daily backups are standard...

Until we get the backed up snapshot running.

MySQLDump is somehow... Stuck. It... Doesn't seem to be doing... Like, anything. For ages. Wtf.

So we check the database. Connect, change scheme and... The commandline tool gets stuck, too. Weird.

So a layer lower, we check the datadir and... ls... After also getting stuck for a bit, lists about 500k files O_o

Yea, dumping a database with roughly ~250k tables is not fun. No wonder it takes ages.

This company have a group of three DB in their product. One DB consist of 130 tables, and they DO NOT HAVE ERD.

Better start one.....while I'm bored and do no have task yet.
~pokerface :|

Why does the css border-spacing have to be different in how it takes 2 values.

If you look at margin and padding properties when passing in 2 values, you pass in:

margin: (top/bottom)px (left/right)px;

However, when using border spacing:

border-spacing: (left/right)px (top/bottom)px;

I know I’m simplifying here, but it’s goddamn irritating how it’s takes in vertical and horizontal spacing the other way around. Who the hell thought that was a good idea

At my incubation place they put up these new, shinny tables and cupboards.
I was hoping maybe they will put a coffee machine. Instead they shifted the printers.

Talk about aesthetics.

So my Database professor decided that we should design a database with like 4 tables and hundreds of records and we had to write like 100 queries to produce a specific output from the tables we designed. All in less than a week. This is the first time I'm learning about databases, mind you.

Once I deleted two tables in a production environment 🤬😩😱

Instead of using 2 dimensional arrays to represent tables, my supervisor implodes the arrays on a delimiter before loading them into the other arrays... then explodes them again when he needs to use them.

Why? "It's easier"

Callback your functions, not your ex.
Hash is for your data, not you,
Query tables, not your loved ones.

Vertically aligning text with CSS is the bane of my existence.

Say what you will about tables, valign="middle" never let me down, and I could move on to shit that's actually interesting!

Can gamedevelopers stop using lua as their freaking scripting language..
Every time I try and figure out how tables work and think I finally get it it throws a big fuck you curve ball.

Oh and then they use json file to store the data of a table except that those json interfaces are complete retards.

If you are going to support json files then why the fuck won't you put in a small fucking inconsecential JS interperter so you can actually find some docs regarding more complex fucking docs then those simple minded t[guildName] = "guild"

Another thing, why the fuck does lua not use {} like every other langauge. I use those curly brackets to figure out where shit start and ends half the freaking time.

Fuck this I'm out for today...
And a big fuck you with both middle fingers to any dev that thinks lua is a great scripting language for plugins.

Being dodged from admin to admin until they can figure out who can give me access to view db tables I am supposed to be using in the web app ><

I love how tutorials advocating against ORMs use examples with tables that are only 5 columns wide.

A developer walks into a bar and sees two tables. Says 'Can I join you?'

When you realise a so-called app developer has used nvarchar columns to store every single date record, in every DB table of your platform.
Using d/m/Y format.
Without leading zeros.
And, in just a few tables, m/d/Y.
*sigh*

Lua, tables ("arrays") start at 1.

It also has no sleep function and its defacto package manager (luarocks) has almost never worked for me without some serious fuckery

From styling in tables, to a CSS grid. We've almost gone full circle.

a sql query goes to a restaurant walks up to 2 tables and says , "can i join you"

When you finish a project that abuses vanilla js and canvas for real-time updates on tables generated from drag actions in a graphic (no raphael, paperjs or konvas) and test it in IE 😄
Thank god it's going to be applied in a controlled environment... a real browser can be used 😇

I just don't get people designing database tables using VARCHAR/VARCHAR2 for columns that have numeric values in them, then use them as row identifiers.

I simply don't.

iot+Android+Azure+mySQL+GoogleAPI+TwitterAPI

Oh, Only 1 bug. exterminate.

99 bugs.
Inserted 100 rows of wrong data into tables in a Loop.
RaspberryPi Burnt due to electrical feedback from the sensors.
Android phone froze.

Wow. I still have my sensors fine though.

(Fyi: I was an intern.)

It took me hours of time to recognize, that one of the necessary tables just used an oracleDB Date as a timestamp, which lead to a violation of the primary key constraint on interactions taken place in less than one second.
Me: (explaining the problem to CW)
CW: "Yup, we know."
Me: ...

I once saw a DBA using two for loops in PL/SQL to join two tables. I wonder if he knew about the "alternative" way to do that...

Damn @&$#%£¥ hibernate. Why is ur API so $£¥%#*^ inconsistent and buggy????
@Index on mappedsupertype any? @index causing duplicate tables on hsqldb?? REALLY????
Why does it work on mysql?
Maxresults and fetch joins cause ALL rows to be fetched, instead of properly generating a „limited subselect“? WHYYYYYY, JUST WHY????

The client has been working with MySQL his whole life, wants me to make a front end for a site but insists on making what he calls the backend in my terms the database himself. So he wants the ability to drop and add rows, tables from the database itself somehow implemented, any ideas?

Well i am working as an intern at this startup. Initially it was all simple crons and database. After one month one of the founder asks me to map two tables, create an api, integrate a fucking payment gateway and i am now left with a lot of work and confused state of mind.

PS: i am first year cse student

I was once working on a grand vision of a suite of analytical tools, which later turned into a single web app, which later turned into a desktop app, which eventually turned into a command line app, which ultimately turned into a background service that writes the results of a small subset of what it was supposed to do into database tables.

I have a few projects on the go at work at the moment which could be successful, but only time will tell:

1. We have a requirement to monitor or SQL servers for any long running queries (anything that runs longer than 3 minutes). Company didn’t want to pay for enterprise grade solution so as the only SQL Developer I created a small system that involves a database, 2 tables a stored procedure and scheduled job. It goes off every 10 minutes queries some system tables etc and write the results to the tables. Still waiting for it to be deployed to one of the test servers. I have plans for a web front end in the future.

2. My company currently use source safe for version control. They’ve lost the admin password so only 1 person can log in. I’m running he project to plan the migration to GitLab. It’s getting close to completion and soon someone is going to be tasked with creating 100s or projects etc.

3. We use an ERP system which is huge with thousands of tables, but no FKs or anything like that. The current data dictionary is a spreadsheet, as a side project I’m creating a web app so that this information is easily available and searchable.

All 3 projects have the potential to be successful, for my team at least, but stuck waiting for other people to do their stuff first.

Will I ever just do back end when client employs me to do so. -.- I always get front enders who are doing tables instead of lists for navigation. Is this fckin 2001, my name is Marty and this is Back to the future? -.-

I have dreams where I stare at code/tables/program output, half of the problems are real and half are made up, I wake up stressed out about not solving anything and trying to remember which is the real half I need to solve.

Why can't I dream about the video games I play? I need to get a life...

I'm currently testing live and that includes trying sql injection, i have no backups. So if i forgot to escape string somewhere, I'm fucked. I like to live dangerous :D

Alos, i always test sql injection with "--; DROP ALL TABLES;" Casue... It's a bad idea..?

A SQL statement goes to a restaurant ... there he sees 2 TABLES and asks " can i JOIN u two guys ? " :P

Soo.. what do you do as a software developer, rank senior, when you turn 35 and programming kinda becomes repetitive. Data source this, controller that, factory f-yeah. Well, you sign up for math studies. And then you realize you forgot everything down to multiplication tables... fuck

TIFU by running DELETE-INSERT on a live server and losing thousands of rows from a separate table. 🤤

TIL If you delete data from indexed table, it will affect any linked tables. I think. Fml. 🤕

At least it was a learning experience for all of us. Hopefully if I keep repeating it enough it will become true...

Is There any good open source test automation frameworks testers can use to verify database insertions, such as message transactions? Everyday I get questions from testers to verify data and it's so tedious looking at MySQL tables to see if there data is present.

Is there ever any reason for SINGLE Hibernate SQL query/template to join like 10 different tables, do math, and come out to like 30 lines?

This is not a stored procedure, it's a single SELECT

Need to write a query to find all scheduled reports, sounds easy, right?

Not in a system with over 1k tables all with obscure names and absolutely no foreign keys at all.

What is the maximum number of tables in a single database you have ever seen?

Almost 900 for me :D

Using tables as a responsive framework is a good way to rock the casbah

When I was 11 or 12, and wrote my first webpage in php, designed with tables. Tables was the shit back then. none of that fancy flex box or bootstrap, and 50% of the internet was flash. T'was a good time to be alive.