As a programmer, I'm outraged.

I think I just broke time...

Loser.

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

Code comments be like....

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

My classroom had this, nice inspiration
Bad UX

Just wrote a Python script to generate me a JSON file.

I forgot the 0th command line argument is the file you're running...

On first test it overwrote itself.

My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

"secure" messaging apps which aren't open source.

Isn't it common sense that, when you can't check an app for anything because it's closed source (backdoors, vulnerabilities etc), you technically can't be sure whether it's actually secure or not?

And no, I'm not going to trust an app dev on his/her blue fucking eyes on this one.

Job offer:

"There is no hierarchy within this company."

Bullshit.

Given a group of people, a hierarchy will emerge. In any company, a hierarchy will emerge. Even within a team a hierarchy will emerge.

Some people like to butt heads, some people like to go with the flow. It's how you deal with these personalities that matters.

You can try to be as fancy you want and declare your hierarchy to be as flat as a pancake, yet the reality is: there will be one.

Certain people will be trusted more by other people. Certain people will have more power in the decision making process.

Can we please stop deluding ourselves that this is not the case?

And that is not necessarily a bad thing. It only becomes bad if the company culture sucks. Instead of platitudes in regards to the assumed absence of hierarchy, I would be more interested to know how a company deals with its hierarchy.

How is feedback handled? How do people argue? How are decisions made, challenged and implemented?

That's what I would find much more interesting.

Oh sh*t

Fucking crunchyroll hardcodes their access tokens in a Constants Class in their APK, technically that is a security issue.

What the actual fuck Crunchyroll!? No fucking wonder you got DNS Hijacked so quick, security is literally your second priority you dumbed down twats, get some real devs and some real QAs for fucking god sakes, you're tearing down your own system by inviting exploits.

People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!

WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!

OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.

😡

I sit in front of the damn computer all day and i should really go outside.

family: oh cmon, how hard it can be
me: what do you mean
family: youre just sitting in front of that pc all day
me: yeah, thats how we ...
family: youre not working! youre sitting in one place the whole day

Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*

1.269427 milliseconds later...

Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!

Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.

I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.

Friend: what do you want to be in future?

Me: A programmer. It sounds fun.

15 years later...

Good news everyone. As of 30th June 2018, PCI compliance demands a minimum of TLS v1.1. Meaning it's illegal for your website to support IE6-10

Recruiter: And I found your devRant account, it’s @brod right? very interesting stuff.
Me: ...

SQL Server gives such descriptive errors after failing at 99% -_-

Dude seriously!!!!! I feel sometimes.. how did they gain so knowledge man!!!!!

Teacher: press F5

Student: presses f then 5

Me: dies

Yay my first merged pull request on an open source project ^.^

Project manager logic.

Apparently, because I know how computer works and how to program

I also had to know how to:
- become rich
- hack into banks
- solve all world problems
- make a better windows/facebook/apple/google
- repair a burned down PC

Sometimes I think they are scared that I'm able to zap them with a lightning strike as if would be a motherfucking wizard.

Still love my family though ;)

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

Our website doesn't look the same on phone and desktop.

Please remove responsivness.

Me: sits in front of pc with terminal open in fullscreen

Mom: comes in and looks at screen, says:
'you are only playing games all day, do something useful! '

Why study computer science if you can become a science and get paid for it? 🤣