Little project for an insurance sales guy / finance coach / entrepreneur

My first thought: guy sounds extremely shady but ok let’s come up with a hefty price.

Guy accepts my offer and pays one third in advance as I asked. Of course he pays cash because he „didn’t make it to the bank“ but happened to have the big bucks in his wallet.

I give him a receipt for the cash payment.

Job is done I write an invoice for the remaining two thirds.

Guy transfers money to my account. No cash this time.
However he took the sum in the second invoice and subtracted the first one and 50 bucks extra and send the remaining entirely imaginary sum.

I text him. He does not get it and explains that he payed cash in advance.
I say yes but that is not the point. You can not make up the sums of your invoice yourself.

I send him three warnings via mail.

He sends an angry letter back sayingthst he payed one third in advance.

I tell him how nice it is that we agree in that regard but that the issue will go t court if he does not pay.

Sometimes I am fascinated how elaborately stupid people can behave. :/

Zoom:

Client: "my website gets bigger and breaks into a single column layout when I press 'ctrl -' ."

Me:"might it be possible that you pressed 'ctrl +?'"

.....

-__-***

"
On content:

Never type something again that you can copy paste!!!

Use your bloody concentration on getting the layout right.

We are not I medieval times and you work on a computer not a stack of paper.

Jesus.

NEVER AGAIN!

"

"Could you please send a PSD or EPS for vectors, I only have the PDF."

-________-""""

Generic-IT
--------------
Client:"So we would like to found a new company and offer IT and network consulting. Would you be able to build our website?"

Me:"Absolutely. What will be the name of your company?"

Client:"The name is going to be 'Generic-IT'. The website is going to be 'generic-IT.com' . We checked that with google."

Me:"I am sorry to tell you that generic.com is already taken by another company. Incidentally that company offers the same services, that you intend to offer. They also seem to be quite big an have businesses in 5 different countries.
Because of this I advise you to pick a different name that does not get you into trouble and makes positioning your own brand easier."

Client:"We want to neglect that problem for now."

Me:"0.0 ..... -_-""""
"Well, listen. Apart from the possible branding and copyright problems imagine how people will find you on the web. ...What will happen if you google 'generic IT'?"

Client:"Yeah well, we want to neglect that. And with SEO you can do something about that."

Me:"..........Welllll, you that SEO is not a cure all, right? The older an bigger company will come up first. Why not avoid that missunderstanding and come up with a unique name?"

Client:"......"

Me:"Please tell me. Doesn't any part of my argument make sense to you?"

Client:"..."

Me:"Well, ok. I will send you the estimate on monday."

___________

Then over a back channel I hear that the client is ...bewildered, why I would not stick to my area of expertise.

There I was now. Left bewildered myself, being the one with the webagency that does frontend design and branding.

How reading E-Mail is hard:

Me:
"Dear client,
please send the pictures for content A and Content B.

We also found content C in your spreadsheet. Do you want content C to be uploaded? Please us where to place it.

Regards

Me (who does not consider this a difficult text)
"

Client:
"Hello. Please find attached the pictures for A"

Me:
"Dear Client,
Thank you for the pictures for A.
What about the pictures for B?
And what about that content for C?
"

Client:
(no answer)

Desperate Me:
(Looking at the attachment and finding pictures for A and B)
!!@**! :(

Reluctant Me:
"Dear Client,
Please look at the new iteration <here/>

And by the way.. what about that content C?"

Client:
"Thanks and find the images for Content C attached."

Extremely fatalistic and desolate Me:
"Well thank you. Where shall we put it then?"

Client (answer to the unanswered mail above)
"Thank you. Please don't forget to put in C."

-_________-*******

Me: "How many MB of files do you want to send me via mail? Maybe it would be better to upload everything..."
Client: "Oh don't worry. It won't be to much. It's just five folders."

Client:"... thank you."

Client: "Dear Mr. I still have not received the final version yet. I had planned to send it out to my customers at the end of the week."
-------

Me (1st answer I did not give):
"Ok. I accept your statement as true, since I did not send you anything. Furthermore I respect your wish."

Me (2nd answer I did not give):
"Well I am sorry. Before today you did not once mention that there was a deadline. ASAP is not how I do things. Please do your project management."

Me (answer I gave): "Dear Client, due to a huge demand for our services we are forced to prioritise. We are doing our best to complete the project as fast as possible. Please understand however that we can not reschedule with 3 days notice. Because of technical requirements the product can be send on Friday next week. Please let us know if this works out for you. - Kind regards. Me. "

-__-""""

Client: "the content is pretty confusing and inconsistent. Would you say the frontend is ready?"

Me:"please do not ask that way."

Client: "i just asked a question. What do you mean?"

Me: "well.. you basically say that is bad and then asked me if I thought it was bad."

Client:" i was asking a question. It is your problem if you find that offensive. You were to deliver a finished design until 3pm. "

Me:"you just reviewed it and came up with new input..and apart from that there were just some buttons in the wrong shade."

Client:"yes but I expect that kind of critical input from the developer. "

Me: "I understand, but this was a tiny project for 300 cash. I can't go all out on a budget like this. "

Client:"but all the other jobs I gave you lately were paid much better.."

Me: "yes. Those were other jobs, right? Should I feel obliged to work overtime I eager expectation of more and different work?"

Client: "you used to be more excitable...."

:/

Girlfriend: "Test"

Me:"?"

Girlfriend: "just checking. My text would not send..."

Me:"so you pinged me?"

Girlfriend:"Yes. :)"

Me: "198.403.10.32"

So with regard to recent events...
should we all learn "cyber" now?
:(
#SOSAD #whatisacomputer

Boss: Client wants those stockphotos for the frontpage.

Me: ok. Please license them and let me know. I will upload them to the page.

Boss: How does that work then?

Me: you have to buy the five credit package. Here is the link...

Boss: (no response)

...few days later...

Boss: please remember to upload those images...

Me: well ok. Did you buy them?

Boss: isn't that your thing?

Me: I don't understand. You had all the info. You new where to buy them. You knew what images to buy since the client sent the preview versions. What do you need? ...and why didn't you tell me that you were waiting for my input? I was the last one to reply to this conversation.

Boss: i don't want to buy the wrong images.

Me: just buy the ones the client chose.

Boss: I don't want to look up the email he sent them in.

Me: I don't understand. I directly replied to that mail. It is in the same conversation.

Boss: ok.

...day later...

Boss sends me mail with images attached.

Boss: are those the right images?

Me: well yes. Those are the ones the client sent. I don't have more information than you.

(Me looking at the attachments and finding them in the smallest resolution available.)

Me: why did you download the images in the smallest resolution? It does not make any difference in price.

Boss: well I thought they were not needed in a bigger size.

Me: why do you make my options intentionally smaller? I am the guy doing frontend.
..please give me the login info for the stock account so I can download the images in a better resolution.

Mail 1

"Dear client, due to aspects of licensing and billing in this case it is best if you license this image directly. Please let me know if that is fine with you and get in touch with the image agency to receive your license."

Mail 2
"Dear client, the image agency is waiting for your feedback in order to proceed with billing."

Mail 3
(Client)

"I thought this had been taken care of already?!"

Mail 4
"Dear Client,
No it has not, since we have been waiting for your action and you had not yet responded to this mail."

Agency: "Why don't you do more free work for us? When you do that we can give you better jobs for money?"

Me: "so if I do free work for you, I get to do paid work as a reward? ..you know that I am a freelancer, not your employee, don't you?"

*agencysulking*

Client Agency: "Well why did it take you so long to style the clickdummy?"

Me: "well I did not anticipate that you had that set up by a student who does it know his css. I had to fix many usability problems first."

Client: "To me it looks just like before. What did you do exactly?"

Me: "Are you serious? That thing was not at all usable before."

Client: "The functions were all there in the first place!"

Me: "Yes, but I one does not know where to click, that is no use, is it?"

Client: "Ok then what ever...I somehow feel like like you have gotten less efficient these days. "

Me: -.-""""!!!!

Client: "so would you please include some effects and make it shiny? I just wanted you to make it shiny."

Me: -___- "ok then"

-----

Client: "Now it's awesome, thanks."