Dear Android:

I know I'm not on wifi. I get it. Sometimes data coverage isn't amazing or the network is congested. It's cool. You can just flash "no service" and I just won't try. or even "3G" and I'll have some patience. I rember how slow 3G was. It's okay, I'll wait.

But fucking stop showing 4G LTE if you can't make a fucking GET request for a 2kb text file in less than 5 minutes! Fucking really? Don't fucking lie to me with your false hope bullshit, just tell me the truth and I'll probably sigh and say shit and put my phone away.

But fuck you and your progress bar externally stuck in the middle. As if to say you're making progress! Wasting my time!

If you can't download a kilobyte in a 5min period, why even say I have data at all? What good does that do me?

cHaNgE mY MiNd

Using Vim, all C++ programs start with:
nclude<iostream>

If you hold a Unix shell up to your ear you can hear the C.

Stackoverflow.

Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/

Buzzword dictionary to deal with annoying clients:

AI—regression
Big data—data
Blockchain—database
Algorithm—automated decision-making
Cloud—Internet
Crypto—cryptocurrency
Dark web—Onion service
Data science—statistics done by nonstatisticians
Disruption—competition
Viral—popular
IoT—malware-ready device

So I accidentally published my AWS keys to GitHub, stupid me. I realize this the next day.

$ git reset
$ git push
Reset keys in AWS

I was too late. Bot already stole the keys and started up 53 EC2 instances. Racked up $4000+ of compute time (probably Bitcoin mining, I'd assume)

4 weeks later, I finally have this shit disputed and settled.

Don't test with hardcoded keys. You WILL forget about them. Env vars always. That is all.

My birthday cakes.

"we can't add that feature, it's too hard to be modeled with UML"

...yes, it makes sense

When you are developer and love video games,in your day making a balance between them is very difficult

I know a guy, about 50 years old. He is a self-taught programmer since he was young, and he has always used Visual Basic (never anything newer than VB6).

He once needed to interface with a web application I wrote, so I asked him to send me a POST HTTP request. He didn't know what I was talking about. No notion of REST, sockets, HTTP, nothing.

The he showed me his code. Actually, his codes. He had multiple copies of the project, one for each version, and he even kept multiple variations of the software in different separate folders. He probably doesn't know what "version control" even means.
You think this is messy. You didn't see the actual code (it's a huge application!).

Spaghetti all over the place. Meaningful variable names, what are they? Default names for the controls, like button1, button2, etc, with forms with more than 30 buttons and text fields. This was the most incomprensibile code I have ever seen.

You might think that this guy is just a hobbyist.
No.
He sells his applications. To companies. They are obviously full of errors, but they buy them.

Now, if you're still with me, two questions come into my mind:

- why?? I hate this, because it's impossible to prove to a non-technical person that this is *not* software development.
- how do I know that, to someone else, I am not like him? How can I be sure that I know and will know what needs to be known?

Oh, I have many super powers.
Two of them are LISP and APL.

Wannacry

If you're a dev and you don't know linux..

you don't know linux.

Ya know when somebody else is on a project and you see their code and it's just sorta stay away from that bag of crazy? Like, some people I work with I see their code and it's fine, then I see some people's code and my eyes start to bleed.

The next WhatsApp update:

Fake windows update + f11 = colleague complains all day!

fucking captcha 😒😂

But how many BYTES can it handle?

What'd you guys think?
😕

What i think 😂😂

Siri!!!!

Tired of chasing an elusive architecture and finding good community that helps promote it. Basically:

- Not CRUD
- Not MVC
- More like CQRS; commands and queries represent use cases
- Event Sourced; event log is source of truth, everything else is a cached projection
- Functional Domain Design; not DDD; focus on immutability and simplicity
- Functional in general; less OO
- More focus on domain concepts rather than tech concepts
- Domain can be used through CLI, API, or SDK
- UI is just another client to the API
- Authorization is ABAC, graph-based access control

I'm looking for a fucking unicorn.

Hacked...

At a funeral.....

A visitor: What's the WiFi password here?

Priest: Respect the dead

Visitor: All small letters ?...

DevZoned!

Fcknlol!

Jeff Dean's like

codefights.com makes me feel like I know nothing about the codez