Productive day!

Rewrote an intern's feature and briefly explained how/why
Gave intern a choice of projects, and explained them
Removed two unused models, one unused route
Dried up two views into a partial
Redesigned said partial
Tested validation edge cases (ex: Jan 10nd, 101bc)
Fixed an api
Simplified three models
Added scheduling and platform restriction to a feature
Le wild bug appears: a user with negative xp!?
Wrote a migration to expand players' max xp to 2^64-1 because a certain legacy game gives it away like my ex-boss makes promises. Chewed at devs, but they're all long gone so :/
Won two games of pool
Browsed devRant

Busy day, and all of this while falling asleep! 😊
I'm quite proud of myself today.

So I have BiPolar and Borderline Personality Disorder and had an interview today. We'll I slept in and missed it. My psychiatrist recently changed my meds to help stabilize me. Now I'm up for 2-3 days before I sleep. I timed it so I would be awake, but ended up falling asleep and woke up a half hour after I was supposed yo be there. I'm so pissed off right now! I've been working my ass of learning to code, buy my own brain is sabotaging me. I just want to be a normal person with a normal job. I love programming because I get to be by myself and work away from customers. I'm so frustrated and feel beat down. I don't know what yo do. 😠😤😡

!dev

I'm just fucking glad this day is over

* less than 3h of sleep thanks to insomnia
* unable to get breakfast
* unable to concentrate at work
* Almost falling asleep
* Lunch was not even enough to sate my hunger
* Accidentally upset a good friend because I cannot communicate well in general, but even worse when tired
* Get something snitched away from my by cutting in line
* get told by said person that I should have reacted faster
* get told by said person that they'll sell me the the thing that was supposed to be mine in the first place
* get a half assed apology when they saw that they made me mad (still keeping mentioned item)
* Don't get to meet up with friend for workout
* Get home and don't even wanna do anything

Dunno if it's just ADHD or what, but I just had a whole bag of marshmallows and a mug of coffee and I'm falling asleep. 😴😴😴

Also, if somebody finds my motivation, chain it to something please. SOB keeps running away.

Wtf is wrong with me? Last night, I had a very hard time falling asleep even though it was 3am.

Today, I've now been laying in my bed for over 2 hours, and I'm not even close to falling asleep. It feels like my brain wants to think over every possible scenario of what could happen tomorrow...
Please send help...

I'm fucking frustrated.

Almost Every project, almost every task I did in the past 6 months has been a failure or partly done. Even the most trivial of tasks take me hours to complete, after immense googling and copypasting.

I know that I'm a junior with less than a year of dev experience but it feels I'm traversing through hell itself. I truly love to program, have tremendous passion and want to be a professional dev but it seems destiny itself wants me to keep doing what I do best but hate(Sysadmining).

When will this nightmare end? When will I be able to accomplish anything I need with code with so much ease, like my dev friends do? How many more courses, bootcamps should I fucking attend and how many more tutorials to watch? When will be able to work at nights without falling asleep? When will I have a fucking dev job and freelance projects instead of being a goddamn server-managing monkey?

This is my first time working with Android Studio and I'm not sure if it's really building my project or just got stuck...

It's been over an hour and I'm still waiting.

There's this odd thing that I'm experiencing in the moment of falling asleep.
I somehow remain conscious and can feel how the unconscious part of my brain opens a sort of portal to a dream world. I begin to hear sounds and my speed of thinking becomes slower.
That's when I get a panic attack and I am trying it again. After the 2nd or 3rd try, it usually works and I wake up in the next morning as if nothing happened and the cycle repeats again lol

That makes me wonder if a "healthy" way of dying will have this sort of transition as well.

Spent all morning debugging legacy code that I need to migrate.

Most of the time is just waiting for it to load --pieces of data-- entire tables from the database and then filter out the records it doesn't want using some app logic.

WHAT SORT OF MONKEY WRITES CODE LIKE THIS? HOW WAS THIS EVEN ALLOWED INTO PRODUCTION...

I have to open Notepad to write down my chain of thoughts, steps, and things to check once the next breakpoints are hit so that I don't forget them.

So in theory I'm being paid all morning to sit around and do nothing.

That sounds great but I'm falling asleep... Shoulda worked from home...

What was I saying again...yea...

DON'T HIRE MONKEYS!!! THEY WRITE SHIT CODE THAT WASTES EVERYONE'S TIME EVEN AFTER THEY LEAVE...

I'm going to lunch now... Hopefully Notepad has enough into for me to remember what I was doing...

Something "very" unique happened to me this morning/night: I've managed to lose my sleepiness after just 7:45 hours of sleep (interrupted sleep, actual sleep was more like 5 hours). I had trouble falling asleep and woke up like 4-5 times in total. Last time I woke up at around 7:50am I decided to put up some white noise (vacuum cleaner sounds on yt) to relax me and at least make me feel like I'm having a superficial sleep.

PS: I usually sleep 10+ hours without even trying, most of the time I only wake up from bed so I don't feel bad for wasting half my day doing basically nothing. I start work at 11am and even then it's still hard for me to wake up at around 10am, sometimes I just pay Uber to get me to work just for the extra 20-30 mins of sleep.

fuck.. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
I'mma fakin EXPLODE!

It was supposed to be a week, maybe two weeks long gig MAX. Now I'm on my 3rd (or 4th) week and still got plenty on my plate. I'm freaking STRESSED. Yelling at people for no reason, just because they interrupt my train of thought, raise a hand, walk by, breathe, stay quiet or simply are.

FUCK!

Pressure from all the fronts, and no time to rest. Sleeping 3-5 hours, falling asleep with this nonsense and breaking the day with it too.

And now I'm fucking FINALLY CLOSE, I can see the light at the end of the tunne<<<<<TTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT>>>>>>>

All that was left was to finish up configuring a firewall and set up alerting. I got storage sorted out, customized a CSI provider to make it work across the cluster, raised, idk, a gazillion issues in GH in various repositories I depend on, practically debugged their issues and reported them.

Today I'm on firewall. Liason with the client is pressured by the client bcz I'm already overdue. He propagates that pressure on to me. I have work. I have family, I have this side gig. I have people nagging me to rest. I have other commitments (you know.. eating (I practically finish my meal in under 3 minutes; incl. the 2min in the µ-wave), shitting (I plan it ahead so I could google issues on my phone while there), etc.)

A fucking firewall was left... I configured it as it should be, and... the cluster stopped...clustering. inter-node comms stopped. `lsof` shows that for some reason nodes are accessing LAN IPs through their WAN NIC (go figure!!!) -- that's why they don't work!!

Sooo.. my colleagues suggest me to make it faster/quicker and more secure -- disable public IPs and use a private LB. I spent this whole day trying to implement it. I set up bastion hosts, managed to hack private SSH key into them upon setup, FINALLY managed to make ssh work and the user_data script to trigger, only to find out that...

~]# ping 1.1.1.1
ping: connect: Network is unreachable
~]#

... there's no nat.
THERE"S NO FUCKING NAT!!!

HOW CAN THERE BE NO NAT!?!?!????? MY HOME LAPTOP HAS A NAT, MY PHONE HAS A NAT, EVEN MY CAT HAS A MOTHER HUGGING NAT, AND THIS FUCKING INFRA HAS NO FUCKING NAT???????????????????????

ALready under loads of pressure, and the whole day is wasted. And now I'll be spending time to fucking UNDO everything I did today. Not try something new. But UNDO. And hour or more for just that...

I don't usually drink, but recently that bottom shelf bottle of Captain Morgan that smells and tastes like a bottle of medical spirit starts to feel very tempting.

Soo.. how's your day

Help.

The weather is nice and a bit cold like I love, and we have an opened window.

I'm falling asleep.

Help.

What are your tips/tricks for staying up and alert?

Started a new QA job. 3-11am because the client is in another time zone. I'm up but staying up and alert is a challenge. I might need better coffee. Still falling asleep

I'm Falling asleep here!!!!

What is your favorite High energy music when coding.

I'm almost through this sugar free Monster and I'm still falling asleep and it's only 10am. I'm going to get some coffee, but it may be too late. No amount of caffeine may be able to keep me awake today.

Me: "<student> don't forget to go fap n nap in time" (he tends to game until way too late falling asleep during the day)
He: "I'm ready to learn hacking, I have aircrack-ng and A LOT MORE lol"
He: "machanger, anonsurf etc."
He: "wanna see?"
me: "not rly, cus you ain't gonna be using any of them for a looong time"