When your bug isn't on StackOverflow and you start to lose your sanity

Hmm... Can someone help me find the "please wait" key?

Hi sir i have a problem can you please teamview in and help

Me: sure no problem
Login....

Are you there ....
Hello whats the problem

40min later
Sorry i went out for lunch

😤😤😤😤😤

He: Hey could you please help me with my code?
Me: mhmm ok..
He: I've made this and this and this and this...aaand this and this and... Oh that is the problem. Thx for your help bro.

I'm proud to be a rubber duck.

Hey everyone! Huge apologies for the the delay on this - devRant++ is finally working on iOS! For anyone who tries it please let me know if you have any issues and I'm happy to help solve.

Thanks to everyone who has helped us out so far, we really appreciate the great response and have more cool things coming soon, non-devRant++ things and devRant++ things, so stay tuned!

im a programmer.

Moms : Son, please fix my phone
Me : what the...
Moms : Cmon ur the IT guy right?

Dad : My laptop must be broken, can u fix it ?
Me : i can't..
Dad : ur degree is useless
Me : ....

Friend : hi, ur the IT guy right ? can u help me ?
Me : Sure ...
Friend : please hack my BF facebook account..
Me : *face Palm.

Chat with user:
Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: IT please come to my place i don't have internet connection and i need to finish my work, please please come quickly
Me: Are you in your computer?
User: Yeah.
Me: Amm, and how are you chatting with me?

First day on the phone as a support guy!
Before the first call came in I thought like 'please no email related issues as that's the one thing I suck at!'

Fair enough, first call:
Me: hello, how can I help you?
Customer: well, we've got this email problem...
Me thinking: MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK WHY ME 😭
Me: what seems to be the problem?

Damn, really?!

My PM: I don't like when you get up and help out other colleagues with their problems on their computer. You're not at their service.
Me: okay, I'll refrain from doing so.

The next day, I arrive 5 minutes before 8, I get myself a coffee, talk with a few colleagues, and:
PM: Hey, can you please come and help me review this email?
Me: ** fuck it, I still have 2 minutes ** Yeah I'm coming
PM: Now please.
Me: ...

Also my PM, 5 minutes later: Hey I don't manage to print my document, can you help me?
Me: ...

10 minutes later, I get a call:
PM: did you call XY about ZX?
Me: Yep, sent you a mail about it 2 minutes ago
PM: Really? I don't see it
Me: I sent it.
PM: Can you send it again?
Me: ...

Later that day:
PM: Hey, what are you up to?
Me: Well, I'm working on our improved websi-
PM: Can you please create a new campaign on Mailchimp? We're all under water here and a bit of cooperation from you would be great
Me: ** huh? ** erm, ok?
PM: Do it now
Me: Yeah yeah, don't worry. ** click ** here, done. Now, where was I...

----- PM on holidays

Other colleague from another department: Hey Phlisg! I have a small problem on our platform, can you help me?
Me: ** writes a script to help her out **
Her: awesome, thank you!!
Her own PM, 5 minutes later: Hey! Thank you very much for your help, it helps us out a real lot, very much appreciated :)

I lost my smile at work since the beginning of the year, but that little help I gave my colleague just gave my smile back to me :D

I have had this conversation well too often:

- (him/her) Do you mind helping me with this problem I have on my computer ?
- (me) Sure, what is it ?
- (him/her) *proceeds to explaining the problem*
- (me) Ok, I don't know about this particular thing, you should try googling it.
- (the pissed off version of him/her) Never mind, I'll find someone who's willing to help me.

Please stop taking that as me not caring about your problem.
Googling things is basically what I do all day as a developer.
You really should try it. That thing is actually pretty useful.

It's not that I hate PHP, I just hate the lack of consistency in standard function naming and parameter order, nonsensical attribute access, nearly-meaningless comparison operators, reference handling, case (in)sensitivities, and more!

I mean, look at these functions:
strtoupper(...)
bin2hex(...)
strtolower(...)

And look at THESE FUNCTIONS:
array_search($needle, $haystack)
strpos($haystack, $needle)

array_filter($array, $callable)
array_map($callback, $array)
array_walk($array, $callable)

And let me jUST USE SOME ATTRIBUTES:
$object->attr = "No dollar sign...";
Class::$attr = "GOD WHY";

HOW ABOUT SOME COMPARISONS:
(NULL == 0) // true
(NULL < -1) // ALSO true

Functions AREN'T CASE SENSITIVE (at least variables are).

Wanna dereference? TOO BAD, YOU'LL HAVE TO GET OUT THE TNT.

Alright, yeah, I hate PHP.

Friend: My C code's not working.. Can you please help me debug?
TA: *puts a space before a semicolon*
TA: *Changes "i++" to "i=i+1"*
😤😤😤

Dad: "Install this apk for me"
*try it and installation fails*
Me: "I checked the repo and it's for a much older version of Android. Won't work for you."
Dad: "Don't be a quitter. It can definitely be done."

Please stop asking me for help.

Client: "I did not receive the email that should be send after that event. Please fix."
Me:
* Checks code - ok
* Tests feature in locally - ok
* Tests feature in production - ok
* checks values in database - ok
* 2 hours wasted - ok
"Please help me dear CTO, idk what else I could check or how I should even respond to this."
CTO: "hmm, the clients account uses a adminstrative email address for testing. Let me just check if it is in the mailbox."
*checks* "Yeah, that's the email you're looking for, right?"
Me: *experiences relief, anger, blood lust and disappointment at the same time* "Could you please respond to the client for me, I need a break. Thanks"

Girl: hello this is amazon support center, hope you're feeling great today, how are you?

Me: im good...

Girl: glad to hear that, how may i help you?

Me: a few moments ago i was on... sigh, actually im not good im extremely sad right now because i was scammed on my amazon account for $250, im calling to ask if that product can be charged back.

*literally 30-60 seconds of silence*

Me: .....hello??

Girl: ok sir ill give u another line to call please dont hang up ok? stay with me

Me: maam im not doing suici

Girl: +1-532...

Me: ...

Coworker: I give up! Please help me!

Me: What's up?

C: Take a look at this. I have this function here that gets the tab index and I'm passing it to the Tabs component over there. I'm logging the index and as you can see it's 3, but the Tabs component isn't working. However if I replace the function call with a 3 it works!

Coworker 2: While you were explaining all that, shellbug already thought about at least 3 reasons why that isn't working.

Me: **sighs** Of what type is the value that function is returning?

C: **stares at me for a few seconds** It's a number.

Me: Are you sure?

C: Well, it's returning 3.

Me: Please do a typeof.

It was string.

Please help me to read this Captcha

A friend called ITIS guys about some network issue on his system.
Frnd : Hi, I'm facing some security policy issues on my system. Could you help me connect?
ITIS guy: Ok. Please run 'gpupdate /force' cmd from cmdpromt.
Frnd: Well actually I'm on Linux.
ITIS guy: Well, at least give it a try and tell me how it goes.

*Facepalm*? *Bodypalm*? Murder?

My study's logic every fucking time: (I'm a senior by the way)

Junior: Sir, could you help me out for a minute?

Teacher: I'm busy right now, please fill out the support request form and go ask one of the seniors (yeah, not even kidding)

Junior: Alright, hey dude, could you help me out maybe?

Me: yeah of course, just get your laptop and go sit here next to me!

Other Teacher: Hey you, leave the seniors alone, they've got their own work!

Jr: I'm having a problem with my environment, can you help me?

Me: Sure! Did you switch to the latest Ubuntu LTS
so that your environment matches the rest of the dev team like you were asked to do the last 3 times?

Jr: No, I like Windows better because linux is too complicated. Can you just figure out how my environment is suppose to work and than fix what I did wrong please?

Me: No. Let me know if you ever need help with the our standard dev environment. Good luck!

Other services : Please type your phone number to verify that it is you. It will be only used for verification process.
Me : Sure, why not? (Happily types in my number)

Facebook : Please type your phone number to verify that it is you.
Me : Hmmm (sees help)
Facebook : It will be used for verification process and will be visible to your friends. You can always change the scope settings.
Me : (reads as...) It will be used for verification process and will be visible to your friends and will be automatically sent to the NSA for free. You can always change the scope settings when you become the CEO of Facebook.

#deletefacebook

I'm so weary of JS right now but every time i want to code something in another language i just think:
"Why don't i just do this in JS. Would be much easier."

Please help me.

I purchased the worst keyboard ever for coding

Please help , suggest me some good keyboards( mechanical) for typing/coding

Also as a coder will you pefer the cherry mx red for coding?
Share your experiences

Guys, please help me answer this intellectual being. The more stupid the answer, the better. Even better is if there is like a fake loooooonnnngggg step by step guide of it. NB: tafadhali == please.

Me at home with my sister.
She(with water jar): Roshan, I can't open up the jar, please help me.
Me(coding): Do not disturb me!! just install Java runtime environment (JRE) and open it again.

Yay, I just found out that my internship report is due for February 9th! Yes, today is February 11th, soon 12th! 🙃

Oh are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck do you need people to add you as a person who could view all my activities?

Why the fuck would I do so?
How does this help with network security

I might be wrong. In that case please correct me

Can't believe a student, that got higher grade in Database Management System, asked me
"How do you connect 2 Tables in SQL?"

Well I did help her, but please...

"STACKOVERFLOW"

After weeks of frustration attempting to learn Java, I will now start learning Phyton. God save my braincells

Boss coding.
Boss not fan of tests at all.

"Hey I'm doing all of tests" - boss to me.
"Cool, are they automated? Or do you want me to implement'em?" - me to him

[long speech about why tests are irrelevant including "...once I tested, it is tested, we dont need to have automated tests."] *im teaching you because you dont know voice*

Please, help meeee

I can't help but think the red headphones in the avatar are Beats. Those are terrible headphones! PLEASE ADD SOME NON DECREPIT BLACK ONES.

It makes me angry every time I see them.

Please help me to find it.🙏

Me vs Facebook support

Me: I'm having trouble with xyz even though I followed your instructions. You have problems with the Arabic language*insert very detailed and professional explanation here with links*

FB Support: please follow the instructions here *insert link*

Me: I already followed those, that's why I'm asking for your help. Please provide detailed instructions.

FB Support: We can't help you, we don't provide detailed instructions, please follow instructions provided in said links.

Why the fuck are you called support then huh? I can read the damn documentation.. Hell I get paid for reading the motherfucking documentation!!

Tfw when you try to make your first rant and you have no idea what to talk about because there are hundreds of things that you can rant about and so you end up making a generic "I'm new here, please help me!" post.
I love computers :)

Please help me to get ten "+1". I want new stickers for my laptop 😃😃

Me to librarian: can you please help me find "self help books"?

Librarian: NO!

What the fuck is this?
I'm so confused...
Where is the Netflix app? Is this real life?
Please help me.

Making the CPU was easy :(
Porting the GCC is damn hard.
Hotel? Trivago 😭

Guys! Guys!

How do I pull? Please help me!!!

"We've refactored most part of the code to follow best practice. Many of the unit tests are broken. Please help us to fix them all".

Me: Oh joy!!!

My NDA prevents me of revealing a lot but here we go...

Hi,
during a 2 year hiatus after High School I decided to study CS. Coming from a third world country with no prospect of getting a nice job without breaking my back or getting spit on by overconfident CS geeks who now actually make a living wage there, I decided to study abroad.

I immediately realized what I have been missing... the culture, the people, the happenings,... I have been starved of LIFE

Anyways, I got the language pretty much down, uni is pretty hard but doable and I got the unthinkable... A JOB. I am currently a working student for a year at a multimillion dollar global conglomerate, doing what some may think of as scripting/data tinkering. I get payed more than both my parents combined, which is why they don't know anything... 😂 (yet, gotta ease em into it).

Now I have gotten my contract extended, which shows that I am doing a decent job there, the boss is firm but chill, coworkers are helpful and resourceful.

But what really grinds my gears is that I am mashing code together whilst googling my brain out, but I am not gaining any skill...

Now comes my grievance, the bane of my existence, the evil Morty to my Morty,... GitHub.

In this professional surrounding, where I got handed a $2,5k notebook and a overly huge paycheck, I never use Git (because we have a proprietary, internal, and very transparent alternative (transparent for the higher ups 😬 ))

I always wanted to contribute on GitHub, but I get very intimidated by the projects there and their scopes, people are waaay too knowledgeable in comparison to me and I will most certainly screw something up and embarrass myself. Since I am very self-conscious and awkward I would most probably just delete my profile there and lurk in the shadows again.

I need help, not only for my mental health, but also to expand my skillset and improve myself, since skill is the only thing I can still acquire.

Does anyone know where I should start as a overglorified python script-kiddy who still thinks 1337 is cool and mr Robot is a decent show?

Thanks,
@rn

Is it possible to die from sleep deprivation?

I don't want to die. Please help me :/

holy sh*t... its Monday... God please help me....

OMG people please stop being so fucking lazy... help me help you... RN I have multiple support people asking me to fix a bug that they can't even describe (and honestly I doubt it exists) and a fellow developer who refuses to give me a DB or migration to test his patch but wants me to merge it urgently. FOH and die, y'all.

Dear God please if you help me fix this merge conflict, I'll be a better person.....please

......please 😭

Help, please :D
My girlfriend came to visit me and now her laptop is bricked (boot loop). She has the WIP of fall creators.

Laptop on
Pepsi in the glass
Chips in the bowl
Yeah it's perfect evening

(2 months old in a company)
Team members to me: we are always there for you. Ask anything you need for.

Me(today): can you please discuss this topic with me?
Team member A: I'm sorry I'm busy
Me: okay

Me: can you please discuss this topic with me?

Team member B: I got to catch the train now.
Me: we catch same train. Let's discuss during the commute.
Team member B: NO. We will not get two seats together (it's easy to find two seats).

me (in my mind): I really need help here.
Me: okay

coming back from monday OoO to this email chain from user 1. "hey i get an error please help" 2. cc teammate 3. cc my boss. 4. cc his boss. 5. meeting between him and someone on a different team who'll 'take care of it'
Get pinged in slack before i even sit down 'please help'
"hey man, whats the error?"
'oh i get a java exception in $application_completely_unrelated_to_anything_weve_ever_worked_together_on and you've fixed errors like this for me before can you do your magic . #bro

Wtf is wrong with me? Last night, I had a very hard time falling asleep even though it was 3am.

Today, I've now been laying in my bed for over 2 hours, and I'm not even close to falling asleep. It feels like my brain wants to think over every possible scenario of what could happen tomorrow...
Please send help...

Dear random blog/news website,

Why do you equate a random visit via a Google search to wanting you to bombard me with notifications? What is wrong with at least waiting for frequent or multiple repeat visits before asking for notification access?

As shocking as this may be to you, most of us are not desperate for content from random, virtually-nameless websites/blogs. If that is you, please seek professional help.

In fact, please seek professional help anyway.

Sincerely,

Virtually every visitor your website will ever have

I got a median-pay front-end job through a contractor (after a contract from hell...but yeah I didn't learn...) and I'm getting zero assignments after a month and nobody seems to know what my role is.

I'm one month in, and every week I have to email my boss to remind her to sign my paycheck, which is stressful because I'm charging for my time because my assignments are like "Research this" or "look at this Wordpress theme or brand guide". The team never communicates but once a week, and I'm beginning to believe that I'm not a good fit for the team because they are impossible to get a hold of and the sysadmin won't give me access to anything even when I CC my boss. (I don't want to grief this guy...) Despite this, I've been told privately by higher-ups on a few occasions that they plan to hire me full time by November...

My SO thinks that the reason people are so dodgy toward me is because they literally do nothing and I'm breaking the flow of that by asking for things. I'm used to agency output, which can be toxic and where everything is 'due yesterday', and I'm watching this team work on assignments ten times slower than normal. ("You want to change a phone number on a website footer? You'll get it next week...maybe." I can't step on toes because I don't have access...) I'm perfectly fine with having to wear several hats at a low-stress job, but I can't even get my first assignment and I'm still being asked who I am in weekly meetings, or asked things like, "Would you even be willing to relocate here?" (I actually live DOWN THE STREET FROM THE OFFICE!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE REMOTE? Why am I being asked this question?) It feels like my boss impulse hired me, with zero input from the team, and had no real reason to hire me in the first place...

It could also be another issue: Yeah, my experience is in PHP/JS/React, "but here have a seven year old .NET project and a company laptop with zero documentation and make this form import data to a database we know nothing about." Lead dev won't even talk to me.

I feel like a joke.

Downloading the entire library of AZ Lyrics! Please help me!

Can't take this anymore!
Someone please help me out!

Stickers came today. Thank you guys @
@

Please help me find the 2 guys I should thank for that. YES I FORGOT THEIR NAMES.

Really? You want me to install you an old windows release because "you don't understand the new one"?
What don't you understand? Fucking square buttons? Basic color palletes? Big fat icons with a description below?
What do you miss in a ten years old shitty OS? The need of three antiviruses? The satanic settings layout? Lack of any drivers?
You have a family, you're making them too experience all the security breaches, all the compatibility problems with thing are a "must have" today, and all the slow performance.
Fuck you. Please, please, please, go fuck yourself with your trashy laptop's burnt battery. Pretty please. I already hated you, but now it's out of the charts.
PS: Actually, fuck myself with your crappy laptop's batteries, because my girlfriend told me to help you, and I can't say no, so see you in two weeks, when porn ads are invading your desktop and you're ready to blame me.

I have a crush on my single, young manager. He sent me request on facebook recently, although he has befriended almost everyone in the office, I just can't stop thinking about him.
Please help me, give me good reasons that it's a stupid crush, I literally can't stop thinking about him.

Hello devs, I need help from database devs.

The company where I'm interning is a non IT company, so they planned to migrate to a SQL Database from their older MS Access Database.

Since I'm the only IT intern, I'm up against the major devs and hot shots from where my company outsources IT solutions.
They suggested SQL Express.

I have a meeting tomorrow with them, please help me so that I can get better results for my company.
Basically I have to question them about how their decision works better for our firm and why didn't we go for MySQL Enterprise Edition or anything which is much better and cheaper and such critical questions.
Please help me.

The Database would be used to store information about the products manufactured and their parts' history so that in future if there's a problem with the product, it can be looked up in the database so that there can be further replacement or repair processes.

I am a TA for a college level introductory Java programming course. We are doing a virtual help desk to walk student through debugging and any other issues.

Today I got on a teams call with a student and with desperation in his voice he says, "Please, help me with the red..."

I could barely contain myself. Poor soul haha!

So I am only 15 and I am trying to find local businesses that will allow me to either build them a website or let me redo their current website.

Doesnt sound thay complicated right? I have gotten to do it once, for a laid back coffee shop owner whos business went out of business a day after i emailed him about it being done. I mean how the hell does that even happen!

I have tried different types of emails and shown all of my work, which it is all good sites that look professional. Issue is alot of people dont trust email offers or dont trust me cause im 15. I am not much of a person who can walk into a store and talk to the owner about it, i am not social in that aspect.

So anyone have any ideas?

I might have asked this before, but since everyone on devRant except me is familiar with Git, please help me out a bit.
1. Should I use Git for a personal (game) project with a friend? (We'll work together via skype since we live far away from each other)
2. Noobs call Git "too difficult" - it seems difficult to me as well, what's your best advice (or resources, Git alternatives) to pick it up easily?
3. Will I have trouble with my slow internet (4mbps down 0.2mbps up)?

Hello, I'm a teenager and I want to become a Software Developer/Software Engineer/Product Engineer, I want to know how to start, what do I need to start learning, I have some knowledge of Javascript and I don't know if should learning Python or Java and where to learn it, please if somebody can answer those questions it would be great help and I would really appreciate it.

PS: I think I may need a mentor, if someone wants to help me my Discord is: patrik11

Choosing a .me domain, but I can't seem to figure out a name..
I only have these now:
Coffeedrinking.me
Eatpiewith.me
Awesomedesigner.me
Oddguy.me

PLEASE HELP!!

So after 7 months of soul crushing searching I was able to land an awesome job I never thought I'd get! I didn't really get hired for my projects, I think I was more of a culture fit that knew enough of what they were talking about. My colleagues are awesome, helpful people but they are also clearly way ahead of me as devs. I know that many new hires have similar feelings and it's more a matter of drive + time. I understand that and I'm ready for the marathon ahead of me but I have one HUGE concern... I don't understand unit testing. I've never written unit tests in JavaScript or Java (just on paper I wrote random assert statements for a college exam question that somehow turned out correct). More importantly, I don't understand when to write unit tests and what my main objectives should be when writing them. At work they talk about unit testing like it's just as basic as understanding version control or design patterns, both of which I have had no problems asking questions about because I at least understood them generally. I come here looking for resources, mainly things I can go through over the weekend. I understand that I'm going to have to ask my colleagues for help at some point but I DON'T want to ask for help without any solid base knowledge on unit testing. I would feel much more comfortable if I could understand the concepts of unit testing generally, and then ask my team members for help on how to best apply that knowledge. I'm sorry for begging, I'll definitely be looking for resources on my own too. But if anyone could point me to resources they found to be helpful & comprehensive, or resources that they'd want their co-workers to use if they were in my position I would be very grateful!!!!

Yesterday i was in class and a classmate came at me asking for help, w/e.. I'm not listening this teacher.. let's check.
« show me the code »
She shows me, now I'm blind.

Full garbage! Tons of php function in the same file, mixed oop and procedural and.. all the js is printed via those php function, yup, everywhere you can see <?php print 'some shitty js' ?>

Fuuuuuuckkkkkk you. Not gonna touch it, please tell the guy who wrote it to fuck himself with a frozen vomit stick @not my injure.

"I'm a cook. I have a lot of experience... so, don't question me there - but I have this one question: I have some food. I need to make it hot. What library can I use to make hot? Please help. I'm on a deadline."

*orders something online*
*proceed to payment*
*ever payment details, click on "Pay now"*
*connection times out*

Oh Lord Jesus please help me I can't bear this suspense.

For the love of sex, can someone help me out??!!

There is a VS Code extension that helps in creating a step-by-step tutorial of a codebase. Can someone please tell me its name?!

Google is a bitch today.

Me: "Need help with build config problems, please help almighty documentation page!"

Docs Page: "Nah fam, I got 4 headers about problems with no text, a blank code example, and 2 error 404 pages."

And that's why I don't like build pipelines.

I hate having no inspiration, no good ideas and just feeling unmotivated. I have not came up with anything good in 1 year now so i just sit around rehearsing the function s i already know. If anyone has a good tip for coming up with ideas. Please let me know :)

TLDR I never get good ideas. Plz help.

Just got off a call doing some classic "I know you are not tech support but please help me connect my iPhone to my computer", and I heard the following words:

"What's the Windows start button?"

This was not a boomer. This was not a Gen Y, Gen X, or even Millenial!

I shit you not, a zoomer did not know what or where the windows start button was.

please for the love of all that is right in the world...name variables something useful. ll_j does not help me.

Hi i am new programmer i have start by c programming please help me any suggestions about programming

Am I Data Engineer or Software Development Engineer ?

I design the infrastructure for analytics data, and I build the infra entirely including an development. Except making reports out of the data.

What I'm supposed to be called ?
Data Engineer ?
Software Development Engineer ?

Definitely not an Data Scientist. Official designation given by company is Data Engineer II. But what I'm ?

Confused, someone help me please.

Someone asked for help to solve some errors on an angular app.

Me: sure np, send me the repo link to see what is the issue.

She: *proceeds to send me a 250mb rar*

Me: what is that? I prefer the repo so I can see the history please

She: got me there, haven’t versioned yet

Me: WHAT? You’ve been working for three weeks without versioning anything?

She: yep, because I can’t make it work so, why would I?

I really ask myself sometimes if we are in this world just to suffer.

I want to build my lab at home, a useful lab, what can I buy to make a lab that I will use almost everyday please? I already have MacBook pro, an HP elitebook on OPENSUSE, my main gaming computer on Windows, a Raspberry Pi, tons of cables and a bit of money. Can you help me to find?

So I'm kind of a fledgling webdev. Where would I go to learn how to do backend in order to do logins, manage inventory, create posts, that kind of thing?

I know a little bit of PHP, HTML, and CSS, but only enough to make static pages... it's kind of bad...

(I am attending Uni)

I have reached a point in my life where exams are the least source of stress possible on this planet.

Someone help me with these deadlines please!

I just mistakenly replaced 48 hours of work with the old files... I think i'm gonna die. Someone please help me if you can.

Is anyone addicted to anything other than coding? :)

(Totally not a recovering addict looking for reassurance >.>).

my professor expects a full copyright documentation as well as pre post return and other conditions on top of every function in our entire project and she gave us a week to do it. Note that this is in rails. Please help me.

UPDATE ON THE SCHOOL NETWORKING SITUATION:

the entire country has entered total self-isolation for 3 weeks, which means no physical school for 3 weeks. I have to suffer at home for 3 weeks.

Fun.

(save me, please. I am beyond help.)

Can someone tell me what does this mean? Every time I reboot my MAC ( MacOs Sierra: MacBook air: version 10.12) Every time i reboot and put in the password for my login this pop up keeps popping up once I'm login. I try finding the keychain first aid, but it doesn't have it. I know this isn't ranting but if someone fix this befor3 can you help please.

I’m collecting the offensive words that target me personally. The more it stings the better.

I only need single words, the simpler the better. I don’t need a long burns.

Once I collect them, I’m planning to give them to my future sexual partner to call me proper names while they hatefuck me during a consensual non-consent session.

So please help me :)

Okay, guys, please help me. My stickers arrived but the laptop I'm currently working on is shitty. So I'm afraid of putting them on the laptop, because maybe I won't work with it anymore in a year or so. Where should I put them??? :/

Hello guys, I need your help.

Recently we purchased new property for our company. And we are about to start working there in few days.

And now we are searching quotes to stick on wall there.

Can you guys help me with this?
Please suggest me some quotes.

Can you please help me choose between jQuery and Vue.js or both?

FB post: I have a basic algorithm for detecting faces from webcam > What should I do to show respective names of persons when they show up in Webcam ?Please help !

Me : What's the output of your algorithm

Author : bounding box around the face.

*shoot myself in head*

Help me someone, please. I just installed the Fall Creators Update and tried the latest version of Edge. It's lightning fast and it looks gorgeous. What's wrong with me? Should I seek counselling, or up my medication?

At first I was like "meh.. SASS is not really that different from css really.. maybe this wont even help any.."
But now I'm like "dude holy shit please never let me work without SASS/SCSS again!" :D

!rant
My ubuntu pc has technomagically changed to the kali gnu. Help me please!

Errors are red
My screen is blue
Please help me
I’ve deleted “Sys32”

I loved you Xamarin.Forms I really did.
I defended you everywhere... Released 5 apps.

You FUCKING SUCK, no svg support (no none of the apis work), startup time is FUCKING insane, i could go on for hours......

Please any Android Developer out there is there any smooth transition to native? (Dont tell me about Js bullshit)

Help me fell the Native Power of Android.

Show me that apps don't need 20 seconds to start.

First "computer" : Electronika BK. Had some fun with table software and some basic

first X86 : Intel 80286 with wooping 1MB of ram and 40 MB hard drive.

First fun experiance :

Me : "I'm gonna clean folders"
Me : "What are these files on the c: ? I'll move them into a folder"
(Youknow like io.sys, autoexec.bat)
Reboots :
Computer : "Please insert a boot drive"
Me : "The what now?"
Needed some help to fix it.
At least I learnt how boot loader works and wrote my own small thingy in asm

If there is any god, please help me install anaconda/miniconda on this windows 10 laptop.
Its been 3days now.
FML.

Good afternoon guys. Long time no hear from me and I'm sorry about that. Had a lot health problems to fight.

I'm currently trying to list all processes that are running on my pc with a C# program. VS is running with admin rights but I'm still getting an error: "System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception: Access denied Error"
I tried googling it but if found the answer I didn't understand it.
Please help me.

Hey all. I'm a fresh college grad with a bachelor's in Software Engineering minor in math. I'm applying to countless jobs with little to no luck hearing back. Any tips from you all? Much appreciated!!

Alright, as some of you already know, I got a gaming PC recently. I have a PS4 and an Xbox one but this is the first time I'm about to play PC games properly with a GTX 1070. I'm extremely thrilled. So please PC gaming masters help me to find good games. I play Forza Horizon 3 now. I love that game. I need to get another game or two. I was looking at Mafia 3, new Assassin's creed and FarCry 5. I need your help to figure this out. What should I play?

Should I join a start up where job security and pay is less or a well established company where there's more pay with less learning curve ?
Please help me decide.

He: Please help me understand loop vs iterator..
Me: Loop is which iterates over data
He: Then what's Iterator?
Me : Iterator is when we loop over data

How do people make clones without tutorials!? 😭😭

I'm tryna clone bleacher report but have no clue where to start cause they're no guides anywhere

That's it !
Google please help me ! :/

"Dee Dee! get out of my laboratory!!! "

Err. Any web developers or recruitment people able to please give me feedback on my resume?

I'd greatly appreciate the help 😭

Me: "Yeah so I have this problem, I generated an environment and setup a NodeJS docker image on it and it returns "Cannot find public IP address", help"

SO: "Yeah but what are you trying to achieve? Here is a link of the documentation everyone saw and that didn't help at all."

Me: "I just want to... reach the fucking server? Without trouble? Please?"

Some people need some cocaine in they morning coffee, if it can help then open their fucking eyes

Can you help me please?

After thorough considerations I came to the conclusion:

RFC3339 is better than ISO8601

Also working with time and dates in C++ is making my head hurt please help me

You can find so many tutorials, learning paths for C#, C++, python, angular, jss, java, etc.
But literally none for batch file programming (if that's even what it's called) so little documentation on cmd.exe and writing .bat files :'(

Can someone please please help?
Just point me in the right direction?

inb4 google it

Hungy, please help me getting free pizza from @xalys pizza hawaii, you know my address.

My manager is making my team fill the tasks' "completed work" field in TFS with the exact same amount of hours we were inside the company. This seems unrealistic and doesn't take in account our daily capacity of 6h. What do you guys think of this? What should I tell her to convince her otherwise? Please, help me!

Please Santa, fix all my bugs for Christmas!

(i know it's a lot, i'm also happy if you help me with a half)

"hey, can you please help me out with this, it isn't working"

"What's it say?"

"I dunno, It's giving (not throwing) some exception/error" (no clear distinction between them)

Well, shit. Did NOT expect Java to do that in case of some undesirable flow in code! Stack trace, error message, what was happening when the exception (or actual error) occurred as inferred from logs... Nope.

Great!

@billgates

I assume that you did some Windows development.
I just made my WPF and want to publish. But VS created setup.exe for me. I want to make my own installer. How do I get the application files? not the setup file?
Please help. Thanks.

*While designing the native app for a web application*
Me: So this feature in the app will basically be the same as Feature1 in the web app, correct?
Client: That's exactly right.

*Presenting the new app to the client*
Client: Why is this feature not behaving like the Feature2 in the web app?
Me: You said you wanted it like Feature1
Client: What? No, it must behave like Feature2

Please help

Hey. Need to beef up my portfolio as well as gain more experience.

If anyone needs some design/styling help or input please hit me up!!

Doesn't have to be paid actually.

Me: Why can't we use WCF according to standards (even though my team has been using it anyway?

Him: Because we could not figure out how to implement it. o_O

Help me please!

Any FL Studio 12 users here?
I am struggling to make the super simple Piano Roll to work.

If you want to help me about 5 mins, please leave a comment.
Thanks!

for (int i = 0; i < you.rants.length) {
If (you.rants[i].isAwesome || you.rants[i].isFunny) {
you.rants[i].upvote();
}
}

Please help me! I'm drowning.

Who is doing this to me *sobs*, mongoose or MongoDB? 😥😥

I'm adding new records (array) to an embedded document, but the first record to be added gets duplicated, even with the same ID and stuff :(..

Was using Callbacks, switched to promises, still the same.

😥😥😥😥😥

One of my student ask me this. I dont have exact answer so i decided to take help professionals here and based on their experiences i hope they can help him and many people who has similar questions.

Is it necessary to have graduation from USA to work in USA Or canada?

What are the possibilities to get an internship or job in US market without having education from USA?

Please comments.

IntelliJ, IntelliJ I love you but please tell me why making a jsp file from scratch doesn't work in the servlet but your template for a jsp does. It makes no fugging sense to me. StackOverflow doesn't know and I went there for help.

I was debugging that shit for 5 hours today over an issue that was fixed in 3 minutes. I need ice cream.

I know the world doesn't owe me anything but why is it so fucking hard to get a job in this industry?? Unless you have a few years experience in a job behind you. Well if I can't get a fucking coding job in the first place how the fuck am I supposed to get work experience. The world is deluded fucked up place. Rant over!

Could somebody please help me understand why the fucking hell does JS (I am talking about node.js, so backend) use 32bit integers in setTimeout and setInterval? I mean, I understand most of the choices regarding the language (I have chosen programming languages design and principles for my studies) and I am happily using it for almost 4 years. But I came across an occasion that I had to use big numbers in those functions and it took me a lot of time to figure out why the fuck my code was not working as it was supposed to.
If anyone has a good reason please elaborate. In the meantime I'll go punch some shit to calm down.

Need some help finding a free weather api please.

I need to be able to search the api based on temperature or humidity. Alternatively I could locally store the next 2 weeks of data for every country in a database and update it every night with a cron.

Has anyone used weather APIs before? Could you suggest me some?

Reddit... is so confusing to me. Can't post until you've posted enough... ok... I get it, like a green-card. I have to be in the US for 7 years before I can get a green-card, but I'm not allowed to be in the US. BUT

Seriously... answer me this:

What do I write here... if I want to ask the moderator a question? I've sent a bunch and I'm starting to think that it is my fault. I'm not going to lead the witness here: just please explain it to me.

Will this send it to all of the mods? Do I need to pick 1 mod and put their name there? Please... help me understand. This just shuts my brain off when I read it.

Productivity Hack: I'm a java developer who decided to write a productivity app that integrates to-do, pomodoro and eisenhower matrix altogether with reports generation. this will also help me logging at work. I'm also using electron + angular2 + typescript, just because, well, I'm trying to learn new stuff.

Long story short, many many many many days later, i'm still waiting for that productivity boost. What is dis webpack? Wat u mean loaders? Wat promises? electron-prebuilt is now electron? Wat u mean npm and node should be updated? .....

Please send help

I have been an android developer since long time, yet android migrate everything from Java to Kotlin

But am really worried to migrate everything from Java to Kotlin or begin this phase can you please help and tell me where is the best way to learn kotlin and get easily adapted

Its fucking impossible to utilize less than 8 hours for a 5-9. I cant work on my side project with this pace

Please help me how to optimize my time so i can both work this 9-5 job and also work on my side project from 5-9

showing project in school event:

me: [...] and we have this public survey, if you may, please answer it to help us get better

survey: "any scientist or historical public figure you want to see in the game?"

6 people answers "me" thinking we'd know who it is. there would be 7 if I haven't stopped she from doing it and explained to her...

We are looking for graduate developers in UK, I'm not sure if I can post the link here, but I think we have few nice opportunities at the company. It could help someone from this platform, but I don't want to risk ban or something worse :DD So please tell me if I can share.

Not sure what I wanna do ---

Backend Development or Data Analyst

Even in backend development confused between nodejs, PHP, Python though I don't have proper knowledge of all of them.

For Data Analyst I am looking the way from where I should start.

I am in 3rd year of my college
Can anyone please help me with this?

Windows is stupid

My desktop is in my room, and consistently every night at around 11 to 12 it wakes up from sleep, consequently waking me up. I did some troubleshooting and apparently it's doing "automatic maintenance"? I couldn't find a way to turn it off.

If any other devs have had this problem, please help, I'm getting sick of this.

Hello, I am preparing a Docker's workshop, it's almost done but I need some help with the close, I wanna show a practical use case of Docker.
Please give me some ideas.

Me: *pastes error message into search engine* && *clicks first result*

First Result: Hey I have a problem with *this error*
Thread replies:
Same
Me too
Same here, anybody know how to fix it?
Help me
This has been irritating me for the past 2 minutes, somebody please help

Me: *replies "same" on a two year old thread*

Fuck you.

PLEASE. Help me to find a good name for my function.

My function returns json or XML based on the accept header parameter.

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

I NEED HELP!

Please if I find this out my boss will let me out of the basement. A thermometer that sends a electric signal when the temp is 100. (Or any specific set temp)

I haven't seen the sun in 2 hours. HELP.

Please help me🥲
Facing problem in Kali Linux

Aight I’m looking for a new studio desk ad I looked online and the type of ones I want are FUCKING 2500$ so imma just design one or if anyone has any other options for Audio Recording desks then please help me out

Shamefully stuck :(

The Windows C/C++ build toolchain is such a nightmare

High school Career readiness class assignment

I need to interview someone in my chosen future career (computer programmer or ethical hacker) anyone know any companies in Pittsburgh I should look for people at who may be willing to let me talk to them???

Please help

!rant

X company offered 3.8 LPA in INR which has good work environment, culture and team. Current company has no environment and only team of 2 (mostly 1) is offering 6 now. Help me please what shall I do?

P.S : For Android developer position

Please help me!
I was trying to fix my fat32 partition with fsck because it had an input / output error.
It's fixed but now all files and folders are read only

if anyone has firmware or any custom rom for htc 728, please help me. I need it asap. every file that I downloaded and tried was curropted while installing
Thanks!!

What should I do if I can't get a Leetcode answer?

Should I just keep hammering along and stress myself out until I get the answer, or look at the answer and try to learn from that?

I'm trying to find a new job and am pretty shit at algorithms.

Salam
Please
Help me
Im new here
I want to learn programing
How to start programing

Hello. I desperately need someones help to help me set up python flask starting template website with apache on digital ocean server. Over teamviewer please.

I promise you there is not a lot to set up cause i have been configuring it for days. If i waste too much of your time trying to set it up, i will pay you.

Thank u. Anyone interested leave me your discord.

Node isn't setup correctly after installation. 😤😩

Help me troubleshoot this issue so that I can move forward in my lesson please!

I just wanna learn dammit.

Hey, I am new here.

Can you please help me to understand what's the use of this app 🤔?

Our QA builds went from half and hour, to an hour and a half and my stress levels are at an all time high trying to get this hotfix out.

Better get the beer out.

QA. Could you please help me solve this issue?
Dev. That's Server side, nothing to do with me! *proceeds to signal issue as 'solved'*

Can anyone guide me for proper pyhton learning ?

I just have finished class with people who say they don't understand anything and that's annoying.

It really blows when dev is down and no one replies to my messages. It's as if it being down doesn't affect them because they're not doing work or something.

Hello world!!

Can anyone help me with new ideas for graduation projects?? );

Asp.net(C#), android apps or unity games

Help please

Okay so I'm new to C++ and my competition is either tomorrow or Thursday. And before I go into the comp I need a good random number generator but the problem is I can't get a good one . And when I run mine I either get the same number a few times in a row then when it changes it just increments a few until it hits 99 then restarts. And I only want it to generate different numbers everytime with a 1/99 chance to get the same number.

Please, help me find Node Open Source code that I can contribute to.

Kindly help me with a GitHub link for the OSS project on Node.js.

Thank you everyone :)

does anyone know how to make an iPad mini work fast cause like mine is slow as heck and is like indestructible so like I can't get a new one please help me:(

Boss asked me to find out good beginner java course for the new n00b colleagues. Help me out please.

My work is deeply unsatisfying. I feel like i haven't been learning anything new since a long time.
Is this normal? What should i do?
Please help, its killing me.

Agh just started programming and having a tough time right now and have a final tomorrow =( anyone want to help me with some java problems =)? It would greatly be appreciated <3 They are pretty basic but I'm a rookie

Okay, so last to last week I came across Hacktoberfest's advert somewhere on the web. I was so excited to know about the cool stickers and tshirts that companies let out on doing some simple work that I posted PRs in many companies repos and here I am completing the task for devRant. Please help me get some :D
Thanks a lot!!

Hello everyone I am a new learner and I want to learn programming please can anyone can help me

Please help me to get this fucking laravel project to migrate

!rant

for just fifteen dollars a day you TOO can help a poor beardleas man by sharing part of your beard today. All around the world beardless waifs are beaten, abused, and left out in the rain. They are hungry and cold. Please. For just twenty dollars a day you too can help one of these helpless beardless bastards. Everyday they get colder, and hungrier. Please, wont you have a heart. Even a small donation of fifty dollars a day can mean the world to these patchy faced gifts from god.

For just a hundred dollars a day you can make a difference.

"On the beards of an angel, fly away with me.."

#beardlives

You're all programmers, right? How do I get my Grandpa's ASUS (Intel Pentium, Windows 10) to run faster? Please please he asked me to help.

I want to do internship as a full stack developer but I'm unable to find any company. If anyone can help me so please reply.
Location:- New Delhi

Please anyone suggest me some GOOD mean stack project for college major ... need help

Please help me, I need a vertical mouse but the mice I see are trash, they last for a few months, please help.

I need it to have adjustable dpi via software, left/right button/mouse wheel and no more than that.

I'm fucking confuse between
Should I start Java or C or python
Please help me out

Please help me...!!!
Where can I learn Android Development from the very basics?(Using Eclipse with ADT).
Apart from developer.google.com.
Any good books that will teach me from the basics?(or any website)
I need to learn even the minutest of the things in android development.
please help

Okay people I need help. I've researched a ton, but I can't really find a good answer. I'm trying to choose between Linux mint and Ubuntu. Now I know that there aren't any huge differences, but can you please help me, find out what would make you choose one over the other?

What are some great react projects utilizing hooks, functional components and possibly the context API.

Need some great ideas for projects from good sources. Need something where I can really LEARN. I mngood at following along YouTube videos . It gets me going then I get into Auto pilot mode. Where I can foreshadow what's gonna happen next. Please help!

1. Project ideas.
2. Great resources

Hi dear developers. I have just started learning Java and I need some projects to join and some advices to improve my skills. Please leave ur comments if you can help me.

Can you please help me come up with a company name. The company would make PC/Mac/Linux games and android games. I've been trying to come up with a good name for a few months and they are either bad or already used somewhere.

Okay, i have a question.
I am a real Noob when it comes to Java programming. I am trying to establish a database connection between my program and a sqlite database. I have everything ready:
- The Model
- The View
Now the problem i am having is defining the DBController that establishes the connection. And i have no idea how to start?!
Please help me :(
Love yall

Errors are red
My screen is blue
Please help me
I’ve deleted “Sys32”

Can someone help me I want to enjoy anime again but I can’t bring myself to watch it anymore and when I do finally put it on my passion for anime is back but I can’t bring myself to put it on I know it’s a bit crazy but can someone please help me?