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This was my first freelancer project. Just dropped out of school, i think i was 17. No money, no proper hardware, i had a very old laptop & stolen wifi from our neighbor. I lived in a very small room at my mom’s flat, she wanted me out as soon as i turn 18. At the time my plan was to work on freelancer stuff and make my own games. “It will be fine, fuck school, who needs school? 😂“ I haven’t really finished anything back then, so i only had a few wip hobby projects to show ppl as my references. I saw a freelancer job posting. The task was to make a simple quiz game for mobile, it paid 350$. Back then that was a lot of money for me so i took it. I met the client, he said “2-3 week tops, i send you everything, you do the code” Cool. I finally had a “job”😃. The 2-3 weeks turned into a 8 month blur of all-nighting and just implement one more thing and its finished. I did not really have any experience on how to deal with clients and i really needed this project to finally have something on my porfolio. I motivated myself with “if i can finish this i can finish anything”. I think the story of my most definitive all-nighting was 3 months into the development. I finally got everything from the client so it was like just put it together and its done. The client wanted 300 levels, beeing a noob i was i started making all the 300 unity scenes by hand, aligning the pictures, the ui, testing each level, making adjustments to the code, etc.. after a really long night and a fuckton of caffeine i was done. I sent it to the client at around 9 am and gone to sleep. When i woke up i checked my emails to saw this: Cool! But can we do hints? (wich needed a fuckton of rework of my code) I think i had my first mental breakdown while working on the project. After that he wanted more modifications and because i made every level by hand i had to remake all of them like 10 times 😂
But in the end it turned out positive, he really helped me to start my carrier, we became sord of friends and the project gave me a lot of confidence and experience on how to deal with stuff when shit goes wrong because everything that can go wrong in a project gone wrong. It was the most valuable developer lesson. Plus it sounds so cool to say “i was born in development hell, b*tch!”🕶
I attached a pic of the laptop i worked on 😂
Thanks for reading 😃32
Obtain substances Caffeine and H2O.
Computer clock disabled.
Phone removed from scene.
Disengage with unecessary programs, systems at full power.
IDE interface at full visual view
Rubber duck deployed.
All systems programme!3
Me: Coffee has more coffee than energy drinks.
Coworker: You're right, coffee does have more coffee than energy drinks.
Me: I meant caffeine!19
Is it just me or do others also think programmer jokes like "...converts caffeine and pizza into software" and similar to be fucking annoying?7
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my latest employee, Dave the Duck! Dave is the new head of debugging and took the job to support his out-of-hand caffeine addiction and 72 children (of which paternity tests are still being done on 10). Dave is also wanted in 4 countries as the leader of the popular gang, known as the Dangerous Ducks. Please do no feed Dave, as he is on a strict diet. #DaveTheDuck #ProgrammersTools #ImNotThatCrazy10
The Sound of Typing (an original dev parody of "The Sound of Silence")
Hello caffeine, my old friend
I've come to sip on you again
Because my mind continues sleeping
While overpiled work is creeping
And the deadline that is flashing upon my screen
Can't be unseen
Within the sound of typing
Down the lines of buggy code
I quickly switch to debug mode
What kind of moron wrote this function?
For this unnecessary junction?
Wrapped in a condition that will always return true
I need a brew
To forget the sound of typing
Boss said I you do not know
WordPress like a cancer grows
A one page website doesn't need that
Still I wear my debug hard hat
And when I sleep I still see the same terror
Echoed in the sounds of typing
And every time I leave my home
I must launch chrome on my phone
The constant messages and phone calls
The chiming echoes through the halls
While I frantically fix some FooBar'd CSS
BUT I don't have LESS
Deep in the sounds of typing
And when I think I have it done
Some scope creep ruins all my fun
So now I force through an all-nighter
While I forge on like a fighter
But the project I thought was due on next Friday
Changed to Monday
Within the sound of typing9
That late coffee was a mistake... (For the millionth time)
Now I have to sit in bed for 2 hours contemplating my life choices...
Spoiler: not good!4
"Programmers are persons that convert caffeine into code". Every time i see this quote, i ask myself: Am i the only one? (non-coffee drinking programmer)30
I was totally in the zone earlier.
Plenty of caffeine, plenty of anger thanks to idiots, rocking out to Amon Amarth and Disturbed, and chewing through a difficult logic problem. It was wonderful.
Then there was a mandatory all-hands meeting. A mandatory meeting entirely consisting of someone doing a (admittedly decent) presentation on very basic marketing. (Basic as in "This is what ROI is." 🙄) It lasted for about 40 minutes, totally killing my zone and butchering my productivity. I've barely gotten anything done the rest of the day, thanks to that.
On the bright side, I worked out the logic on stickies during the talky-people bits. Maybe I'll be able to write it tomorrow.4
What is the most ridiculous over-the-top "startup" thing you've been the victim of as a developer?
Alternatively, what kind of weird startup luxury would you absolutely love to have at your company?
For me, at various companies I've worked at/visited:
1. Hammocks & fatboy beanbags. Current employer has a "Netflix & Chill" corner with nice couches, and a small gym. I have encountered isolation/flotation tanks at the office of one of our partners... which is cool, but over the top in my opinion.
2. A fully automated aquaponics garden in the lunchroom. Was awesome, until some fish died and started to rot.
3. One hoverboard per employee, at previous employer. I splashed hot chocolate milk in an arc over three desks. A coworker broke his ankle while watching me spill chocolate milk.
4. Daily scrum standup meetings, on socks, in a big bouncy castle. Not kidding. Fucking ridiculous... (but secretly fun). That employer also had spiral slides between all floors, a tiny half-pipe with tiny skateboards, and someone who rode a unicycle way too much. It was a fucking circus. Stuck in the office of a Fintech company.
5. Soldering bench (at my current company), with drawers full of breadboards, servos and electronics components. Completely unrelated to my work, but it was my idea. It's just great to build a simple kits together with another random coworker while brainstorming platform features & refining specs... much better than meetings with bullshit slides.
6. Unlimited energy drink. Developed a serious caffeine habit (15-20 cans a day), and almost got a stomach ulcer. Not beneficial to employee health.
7. I really do love working from home + unlimited holidays. Just being able to honestly say "fuck you guys, I'm gonna get drunk and play games today", and at other times working until 4am and sleeping in the next day, or taking a week to work in a park in Rome... It makes work truly feel like my favorite hobby. Combined with a good sprints and curious/ambitious people, you can easily track productivity anyway.19
> in da zone, headphones beating, caffeine rushing through my veins, snack-stack at 75%, code and commands flowing like campaign promises, I'm one with the keyboard... I can feel it ~(◉_◉)~
roomie: Hey J! J!
me: ಠ_ಠ I'm kinda busy, what do you want?
roomie: Dude don't forget to pick up bla bla bla
> Headphones back on, feeling the h4ckx0r fire resurge through my gut like a majestic phoenix (not to be confused with taco tuesday gut fire)
roomie: J...J! dude also make sure bla bla bla
me: ಠ╭╮ಠ I know, you don't need to be so specific with me.
> Headphones on...about to hit play again...
roomie: Dude do you happen to know bla bla bla
FUCK! just tell me everything at once so I can go back to ignoring you and the irrelevant world around me!
I hate when people do this.9
🍿🍿 pull up a chair and get comfy. This was a few years ago and anger has filled some details, so bear with me...
One day, during one of rare afternoons off of work, I was in the library to work on a group project for school. This was maybe a month before it was due, so we were tracking for decent progress and one less stressor over finals. It was about 80° F out, with the perfect breeze for the beach, but school comes first.
I'm team lead (which is terrifying, but less important) and my bro C shows up early to be ready to go on time because he's professional. I'M SO BAD I FORGOT DOUCHEBAGS NAME, so he's A (for asshole), shows up AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATE. But it's not the end of the world, C and I worked around our database schema (which A sent us and we approved), so we could iron out kinks as we went.
A gets there... Fucking finally.
Fucker didn't have the database built (had 2 months to do it, we all agreed on schema a month prior. We're trying to be the adults our ages claim is to be).
*breathe in, count to 10* not a problem, A, just go ahead and start it now so we can at least check what we have.
Ok, my queen, I'll have it done in 10 minutes...
We needed an id (sku... Which, in 99.9999% of companies is numeric), a short name (xBox one, Macbook, don't smart tv), a description and a price (with 2 decimals). All approved by all 3 of us.
His sku ranges from 3 to 9 ALPHA NUMERIC CHARACTERS, the names were even more generic than expected (item1, item 2, Item_3), no description, and he somehow thought US currency had 5 decimal places!!! (it's more accurate...)
There was an epic, royal, and expensive fight scene in the library (may have been during the Lenten season I decided to give up caffeine AND fast for 40 days to prove a point to an ass wipe of a history teacher, don't recall). I made him cry, he failed the class because C and I wound up fixing everything he touched (graded by commits, because it was also an intro to git, but also, a classmate saw it all), and I had to buy multiple people coffee for yelling in the library.
A tried making out buttons work (I was fed up and done thinking for the day, so moved to documentation), but he fucked those up. I then made those worse by having nested buttons, but I deleted all his shit and started over and fixed it.
I then cried, but C and I survived and have each others backs still.11
Anyone else concerned with their daily caffeine/cream/sugar consumption?
Currently at 5 coffees (+ cream + sugar) per day just to feel normal.
I ran out of instant noodles and had to go out to buy some, and literally the first thought that came to my mind was "Why the fuck is the sun so bright"
No, seriously, why does it feel so bright1
I'm having low motivation these days.. waking up, showering, breakfasting, and already do I want to get back to sleep.. even extra caffeine doesn't seem to help anymore... What's wrong with me? ._.29
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15
Hello again devs!
The hackathon where team devRant is going to participate is only one day out!
Today will be a lot of preparations, buying foods, caffeine (will need that for staying awake for about 40 hours approx), sports (promised this guy so this is gonna be fun). And last but not least, today I'll hear what the thing we're going to have to program is (a rough summary)!
The status/vlog page is nearly finished so I'll be statussing and vlogging tomorrow.
If anyone has any ideas as for the status page etc, please shoot away, there's going to be a chatish thingy as well =).18
When you have so many projects you need your buddy to send you the good stuff all the way from America.13
Damnit I stayed up until 230am cause I had to see what "Mr robot" was all about and now I'm on episode 5.2
When you're talking on your phone and have a panic attack because you can't feel your phone in your trouser pockets...4
College can be one of the worst investments for an IT career ever.
I've been in university for the past 3 years and my views on higher education have radically changed from positive to mostly cynical.
This is an extremely polarizing topic, some say "your college is shite", "#notall", "you complain too much", and to all of you I am glad you are happy with your expensive toilet paper and feel like your dick just grew an inch longer, what I'll be talking about is my personal experience and you may make of it what you wish. I'm not addressing the best ivy-league Unis those are a whole other topic, I'll talk about average Unis for average Joes like me.
Higher education has been the golden ticket for countless generations, you know it, your parents believe in it and your grandparents lived it. But things are not like they used to be, higher education is a failing business model that will soon burst, it used to be simple, good grades + good college + nice title = happy life.
Sounds good? Well fuck you because the career paths that still work like that are limited, like less than 4.
The above is specially true in IT where shit moves so fast and furious if you get distracted for just a second you get Paul Walkered out of the Valley; companies don't want you to serve your best anymore, they want grunt work for the most part and grunts with inferiority complex to manage those grunts and ship the rest to India (or Mexico) at best startups hire the best problem solvers they can get because they need quality rather than quantity.
Does Uni prepare you for that? Well...no, the industry changes so much they can't even follow up on what it requires and ends up creating lousy study programs then tells you to invest $200k+ in "your future" for you to sweat your ass off on unproductive tasks to then get out and be struck by jobs that ask for knowledge you hadn't even heard off.
Remember those nights you wasted drawing ER diagrams while that other shmuck followed tutorials on react? Well he's your boss now, but don't worry you will wear your tired eyes, caffeine saturated breath and overweight with pride while holding your empty title, don't get me wrong I've indulged in some rough play too but I have noticed that 3 months giving a project my heart and soul teaches me more than 6 months of painstakingly pleasing professors with big egos.
And the soon to be graduates, my God...you have the ones that are there for the lulz, the nerds that beat their ass off to sustain a scholarship they'll have to pay back with interests and the ones that just hope for the best. The last two of the list are the ones I really feel bad for, the nerds will beat themselves over and over to comply with teacher demands not noticing they are about to graduate still versioning on .zip and drive, the latter feel something's wrong but they have no chances if there isn't a teacher to mentor them.
And what pisses me off even more is the typical answers to these issues "you NEED the title" and "you need to be self taught". First of all bitch how many times have we heard, seen and experienced the rejection for being overqualified? The market is saturated with titles, so much so they have become meaningless, IT companies now hire on an experience, economical and likeability basis. Worse, you tell me I need to be self taught, fucker I've been self taught for years why would I travel 10km a day for you to give me 0 new insights, slacking in my face or do what my dog does when I program (stare at me) and that's just on the days you decide to attend!
But not everything is bad, college does give you three things: networking, some good teachers and expensive dead tree remnants, is it worth the price tag, not really, not if you don't need it.
My broken family is not one of resources and even tho I had an 80% scholarship at the second best uni of my country I decided I didn't need the 10+ year debt for not sleeping 4 years, I decided to go to the 3rd in the list which is state funded; as for that decision it worked out as I'm paying most of everything now and through my BS I've noticed all of the above, I've visited 4 universities in my country and 4 abroad and even tho they have better everything abroad it still doesn't justify some of the prices.
If you don't feel like I do and you are happy, I'm happy for you. My rant is about my personal experience which is kind of in the context of IT higher education in the last ~8 years.
Just letting some steam off and not regretting most of my decisions.15
Woohoo! I fixed a huge memory leak in our app! ... In one class.
Time for noise cancelling head phones, 80s hacker music, tons of caffeine, and more leak hunting. :)3
Was coding on a project at home and suddenly i got the feeling that i had forgotten something...
*Checks the time*
Hello coffee my old friend...
Time to head off to work then :)
How often does this happen to you?4
When you visit your mom's and she made coffee
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!2
The wife is asleep. The two year old wrecking ball of a boy is asleep. Wanted to finish a library to run kafka/grpc for nodejs microservices with plug and play functionality.
Make some tea. Figured the caffeine will keep me up. Maybe work late night. It'll be fun.
Then diarrhea hits. Now, staying up late because apparently I ate something I shouldn't have. Don't you hate it when that happens?12
My study organises a hackathon (12 pm to the next 12 pm so 24 hours total) every year and doesn't allow to bring your own coffee machine. Last year, the teachers machine was used but it's so freaking slow (produces one pot an hour or so) that we could hardly get any. Then, at the early night, it broke down. Everyone was going pretty insane without caffeine for that timespan haha. (Loads of people didn't bring energy drink because 'coffee at location' xD)
I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?14
PSA: RAM Disks are amazing.
So, I've just discovered something which I haven't really thought of before-- RAM disks.
Pretty self explanatory, a disk which uses RAM.
Obviously SSDs are fast but HOLY FUCK THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!
IT IS INSTANT-FUCKING-TANIOUS.
Imagine an SSD stuffed with caffeine and then given steroids. It is wonderful.
If you spare RAM I must recommend you at least try it:
Anyone else find the eat sleep code hacker / soylent chugging caffeine energized all nighter coder beast idea immature? I run into people who think that those ideals are what makes a good engineer and it irks me. Maybe I'm just too judging.6
Reminder to look after yourselves.
Today I found out I've had hypertension and possibly an unruptured aneurysm. Resulting from stress at work and home, overworking and bad diet from having to keep my engery up for work. (over the last around 2-3 years).
Luckly I've moved away from stressful situations now so I'm feeling like I've dodged a rather large bullet!
Look after yourselves guys, take breaks, check your caffeine, sugar and cholesterol intakes and keep active! I reckon the 6 days a week football training saved my life!
hypertension is a silent killer and can cause fatal damage to your organs such as kidneys, lungs, eyes, brain and heart.
Luckly it spotted it early with a blood test and optician visit. I had a hemorrhage in one of my eyes but wasn't until 6 months later GP noticed signs of kidney damage from my blood test it was found!
I should be fine but look after yourselves! You're more important than that deadline!7
Coding without coffee is like driving without wheels: you can do it for a while, but you won't get far and you'll leave chaos in your wake.1
Not on call. 2 hours of sleep, get a call. Ask if primary on call got called... all my coworkers are fixing shit. Why is everything down? I'm tired and need my sleep.2
Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.
People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.
Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.
When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.
Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.
When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.
Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.
This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]19
I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.
Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.
I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.6
Once while making a automation program for a friends errr academic betterment. I realized I had taken three of the sacred caffeine pills and chewed them unlike normal. Needless to say this increased the surface area tremendously. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack right there at the age of 20. And all I could think was, "fuck my screen has a lot of dead pixels."
Not really a rant. But, since I found devrant I started needing less caffeine to help me get me through the day.2
I get inspired when scrolling through devrant.. It is like a motivational therapy after a long day of caffeine and coding.. :d1
Didn't sleep well.. now i'm constantly phasing out in front of my editor.
I just looked 5 mins straight at the word "readonly" until I came back to life and completely lost track of what I was doing.
Going to sleep a bit now..:D
Like I mentioned in a previous rant, I’m (or was) a coca-cola addict. Coca-cola has caffeine, right?
This happened a tuesday. I forgot my mug at home (I wanted to draw it a bat🦇) so I bought a jumbo coffee at a store near my office. I drank it, and then, all my partners went to the kitchen for coffee. I went with them and I refilled my cup.
I was working on my code, and suddenly I felt a strange sensation on my chest (I don’t think I could describe it, it feels like when you have intestinal problems and gases, but in the chest). I didn’t give it importance. One hour later I started trembling. I googled my symptoms and I found I had a coffee overdose 😱 But how? I drank a lot of caffeine in soda, but this only happened to me with coffee. This lasted 5 hours 😓
You, specially the most experienced devs and coffee addicts, how can I drink more than 1 cup of coffe per day without trembling? Btw, I have no heart or pressure problems, so I don’t know... this happened because I don’t drink much coffee?23
Seriously, HOW GOOD IS COFFEE THO
The high I get off caffeine is *incredible*
It's like, so good. AAAAND it's totally legal, safe, not frowned upon etc
Then there's the productivity boost.
I feel immortal.4
Fml... you keep getting the weekly discussions right on point.
I started with the last guys right out of university... just out of Hospital.
With a brand new degree and a Crohn’s diagnosis I stepped into the first place I found hiring. They were good guys, after a junior dev... to get stuck in their muck.
I did! I nailed project after project, tricky development after tricky development. I spent 5 years with them and over those years things changed.
They had a mass cull... the original idea was to get rid of the useless middle managers, the ones managing other managers being managed by another manager for no real reason.... the ones that do fuck all with their day.
But the fucking idiots upstairs put the job of working out the cull in the shitty middle managers hands.
So, instead, they cut the titles senior, junior and everything in between. Everyone was just a thing, no senior things, no junior things. Just things.
Once they’d done that they said “we’ll we have this many things, they’re all the same, let’s get rid of the things with the highest pay checks because the other things can do it just as well for less money”...
And that’s how they cut 50% of their senior techs.
I was one of the ones left behind but the damage became obvious quick. The middle managers barked out orders at people who couldn’t complete them, and everything went to shit.
My team was rebranded twice in as many years... an obvious ploy for funding, but the cost of the team fluctuated like hell because contractors had to fill the senior positions at 3 times the cost.
Then the managers started barking out Self contradictory orders. Do this, but this way...
This would work, but not that way... try explaining that to a group of non-technical, useless as fuck middle managers. It took months, and shit flows downstream so we got the bulk of the hassle for it.
Then my boy Morpheus, got a warning... they threatened his contract for saying “this will work, but not that way”.
He kept the contract, and the manager giving him the warning said he didn’t think he should... but he, and all the middle fuckwits don’t have the balls to stand up against nonsense.
That was the breaking point for me, I handed in my notice and told them a month was what they could have.
I didn’t have a position or an idea of where to go, a few long-standing offers as back up in a pinch but not the perfect job.
On the Thursday I decided I was done, I let my manager know. Then I boshed the fuck out of my CV and updated my profiles.
My phone started ringing off the hook, a senior NG2/MEAN/Ionic dev on the market is like candy to recruiters. They’re lovely too.
I went to a few interviews that were okay but not great. Then a company got in touch... one that I immediately recognised as an IT book publisher. They said they were looking for NG/NG2 devs, senior. winner! Set up the interview.
So I’d spent the weekend with the missus, about an hour away from mine and 2 from the interview. I hadn’t planned on staying there but at 6ish she looked over at me and said “do you have to go” <- imagine that with puppy dog eyes from a gorgeous Slovenian lass.
I folded quicker than a shitty pancake toss.
We spent the night together but that meant I had to be up at 6, to go back to mine, iron my interview clothes and make it to the train to manage the interview. Fuck. I did it, but I was at the interview wired on caffeine and struggling to be awake and coherent. I still managed, that’s what I do, I make do and try to do well regardless of the situation.
That comes from being ill btw, when you’re dealt a shitty hand you learn to play it well.
They were good guys, the heads all knew what they were on about, not the middle management bs I was used to.
They demoed me live with an ng1 test, which was awesome as hell to play with.
We chatted, friendly and cool guys! I loved the place.
The end of the week they got me in for second round. Ng2 and competence test, again I went for it!
Positive feedback and a “we’ll get back to you ASAP, should be by Tuesday”...
Tuesday was the Tuesday before the Friday I was due to leave the old company... I was cutting it close.
On the Monday the offers started rolling in, a few C# ASP MVC positions, cool but I was holding out for the guys I’d interviewed with.
Then Tuesday comes around, I’m nervous as fuck but it’s okay because I knew regardless I can pay the rent in December with one of the offers.
Then said yes!
The thing that seemed most important in the process was my ability to talk to any fucker. If you’re coming up to interview, talk to everyone, the grocer, your barista, the binmen, anyone. Practice that skill above all others.
I start tomorrow morning! I can’t wait.
Final thought: middle managers are taints.7
If you're going to host a Women in Tech Breakfast, there needs to be more than one samovar of coffee (even if it's being constantly refilled). Clearly the hosts have no experience in distributed computing.
Current list of developer skills:
* Can find 3rd or 4th best solution to most problems
* Easily ready to accept blame for anything to save time since it's likely my fault anyway
* Caffeine addiction only enough to make you worry, not intervene
* Only choke on parts of presentations that aren't critically important, like minor details and Q&A
* Good at smack talking other languages I also don't know how to use
* can make a mean gumbo3
I've lost all fucking motivation to do anything at the moment.
Fuck not even gaming is much fun anymore.
Also amazing that I have so little time on Mondays that I can't even eat properly.
Literally living on caffeine, a spoonful of, like, porridge and water on Mondays.
And of course the nice bistro is closed on Mondays.
Then there is that motherfucker of person at school that just randomly starts sharing weird ass details with you and promptly started to break out in tears when she failed maths today.
Like fucking hell, then for some reason the same person fucks up everything in her volleyball group by literally doing nothing and complains when she gets hit by a fucking volleyball, like, she doesn't even attempt to dodge it catch it.
So much for that fuckery.
Then there's these little brats that just completely play asshole and are being jackasses to everyone including upperclassmen and teachers.
Grab em by the throat and fucking put them in a toilet.
Literally the reason why our school is generally known as the 'Drecksloch', literally dirt hole.
The fucking volume is driving me batshit insane in school to the point where I just start yelling at people.
Fucking kids, it literally doesn't cost you shit to just shut the fuck up.
Okay, vent over.
Sorry for that.12
I've been working on a proof of concept for my thesis for a few days and the async query calls drove me nuts for quite a while. I finally managed to deliver all query results asynchronously while still very much relying on a strong architectural design pattern. I am filled with caffeine, joy and a sense of pride and accomplishment.1
Made caffeine consumption personal record today. 11 cups of coffee (11*250ml = 2750ml). In each 250ml there's around 100mg of caffeine. 1100mg of caffeine in one day. Huh. Not bad. Yes, I am still alive and I feel so good.20
I just watched this documentary called "take your pills" and seeing the weird programmer they interviewed I got curious about how many DevRanters use Addy as a coding booster? Would you consider it just a normal performance enhancer like caffeine? Have you tried it?
I've only noticed coffee heads like myself here and I was wondering if some of the people that aren't are against the use of Adderall too.
I'd love to hear some thoughts on the subject.37
- Be careful with the snack;
- Be moderated with your daily dose of caffeine
- And please, please comment your code even you will not know what were you thinking about when you wrote that 500 line method4
My mom bought my very Italian boyfriend an espresso maker for his birthday. He bought the best Italian espresso grounds he could find here in Germany, and we just had a cup at 10pm (our sleep schedules are fucked up).
I've had a lot of coffee and a lot of espresso in my life, but right now I feel like if I jumped hard enough I could fucking fly. I feel like bashing my head through my computer screen for no particular reason. I feel like I could divide by zero and be OK.
Holy shit you Italians are fucking crazy.17
So, I wasn't invited to the caffeine-and-sugar-back-patting orgy (4+ hour meeting, I kid you not), despite the fact I've poured a shitastical amount of time and energy into the stuff they were talking about, and I actually accomplished a lot of useful stuff too (not that they would know, most (including the boss) have shown little to no interest)...
Telling it like it is, which I did at previous occasions, would probably have ruined all the positive energy.
Oh, am I glad I'm quitting (I got a new, better job at a company that seems to know what they're doing).
'ate node (not racist just don't like et)
luv me caffeine
luv me music
Oh hello there, caffeine deprivation headache
Never make decisions when lacking sleep and caffeine as well. I nuked my HDD today morning around 3 am, I got another reason to do a fresh start btw.4
After long hours of intensive coding and no caffeine, goto bed because u realise it's 2AM. Wake up next day, look back at the came code, "what the hell was I tryin to do!"3
I am this die hard fan of House, MD. A medical Based Drama TV series.
I find soo many similarity between how doctor House diagnosis patients and how we coders debug code.
Why the flying-fuck is there not a similar show for engineers?
Where engineer is followed closes as he debugs a problem? And saves the day?
Why god why.
I just pray for this miracle to happen.
(To start with Dr.House abused vicodin, we coders abuse caffeine and sudo chmod 777 :P )9
Just came out of an internship interview with the CEO of the company, who's a computer graduate apart from being an MBA guy.
Few things bother me as to whether to join them or not?
1. He's scared of GIT.
-He's asked me not to use git because that will make the code public.
2. He's asked me not to use bootstrap.
-He's afraid it'll be a copyright violation.
3. Asked me to develop ERP/CRM for the company.
- I'll be the sole developer on the thing, developing a whole CRM with Project Management System. And the internship is "almost" unpaid. Almost because, they are willing to pay an amount equal to what I spend on my monthly caffeine drinks.
I'm in a rut whether to join this company or not, as this is don't see any learning here (being the sole developer). I'll be doing what I've been doing for years (develope a Web app) but for a fraction of what I get from freelancing.
But, I'd love a internship certificate to show at the campus placements later this year.
I tried LSD yesterday!
Backstory: I have a weird combo of bipolar type 1 and autism. During the day, my brain works inconsistently. Here how my day usually goes:
09:00. I wake up. Uninterested, cold, masculine. No thoughts in the background. No OCD.
12:00. Brain warms up. Thought process begins. Thoughts are short in their length
14:00. Thoughts start to get longer. Stress starts to accumulate. Background thoughts start, now typically 2–3 at a time.
16:00. Twitching begins. Thought chains are now 5–6 concepts long, one following the other. Perception level rises quickly. I start to feel more feminine. It is in this state that I start to spot imperfections and mistakes looking at code or text without reading it. I see it like a painting, and mistakes appear as “visually wrong” parts. This does not depend on formatting.
17:00. OCD becomes more severe. I HAVE to touch all the surfaces around me, evenly, as if my hands were text highlighters, and I had to paint everything evenly, without overlaps or spots that are brighter or darker than the others. Some surface textures become irritating, and feel quite unpleasant to the touch. If I go for a run now, like 3 km or so, I feel somewhat relieved.
18:00. Things are getting serious. Creativity levels through the roof. I speak in long, never-ending, profound sentences. Background and foreground thoughts almost become one. I appear visually drunk and happy, despite never drinking alcohol. Femininity rises even further. Sometimes, when I speak to a small group of people, especially if I go with friends to meet new people, and we go to some bar, new people ask to record my voice or to write down whatever I’m saying. To be honest, this reason alone is a huge boost to how I see yourself.
19:00. OCD is crazy now. Surfaces have soul.
21:00 <— Gotta take my meds and go to sleep here to prevent what comes at 22:00
22:00. All thoughts, both foreground and background, fully became one. Now my brain officially disobeys me and thinks on its own, and I can ride it like a surfer at best. Twitching becomes concerning. I develop a 1000-yard stare. I am officially a female. Physical strength is somewhat enhanced. Pain tolerance lowered significantly.
23:00. Derealization begins. The world around me appears two-dimensional and flat, like a picture. It is hard to get home on foot, even in close (less than one km) proximity. Brain is fully numb. All that thought monstrosity that was building up is just noise now. Zero “flops” available to think about something I want to think about, like how much money I have on me or what time it is.
I go to sleep. I see nightmares. I wake up, and the cycle repeats.
Contrary to a popular opinion, I never take any “brain-boosting” meds like antidepressants, and I think now you can see why. I consume neither alcohol nor caffeine. Neither me, nor my doctors want my brain to explode. I only take lamotrigine that helps to “lower down” mania, and quetiapine, a neuroleptic, that slows down my brain, like a neuroleptic. Both are there to slow down my brain, to kinda “throttle” my brain like a CPU to cool it down.
That said, 100ug of LSD just… brought me my usual 18:00 state, but in the morning?
All that small-dose recreational ordeal? The thing that helps people feel more energetic and creative?
People pay money… for that? To feel the way I feel every evening?10
Ah, developers, the unsung heroes of caffeine-fueled coding marathons and keyboard clacking symphonies! These mystical beings have a way of turning coffee and pizza into lines of code that somehow make the world go 'round.
Have you ever seen a developer in their natural habitat? They huddle in dimly lit rooms, surrounded by monitors glowing like magic crystals. Their battle cries of "It works on my machine!" echo through the corridors, as they summon the mighty powers of Stack Overflow and Google to conquer bugs and errors.
And let's talk about the coffee addiction – it's like they believe caffeine is the elixir of code immortality. The way they guard their mugs, you'd think it's the Holy Grail. In fact, a developer without coffee is like a computer without RAM – it just doesn't function properly.
But don't let their nerdy exteriors fool you. Deep down, they're dreamers. They dream of a world where every line of code is bug-free and every user is happy. A world where the boss understands what "just one more line of code" really means.
Speaking of bosses, developers have a unique ability to turn simple requests into complex projects. "Can you make a small tweak?" the boss asks innocently. And the developer replies, "Sure, it's just a minor change," while mentally calculating the time it'll take and the potential for scope creep.
Let's not forget their passion for acronyms. TLA (Three-Letter Acronym) is their second language. API, CSS, HTML, PHP, SQL... it's like they're playing a never-ending game of Scrabble with abbreviations.
And documentation? Well, that's their arch-nemesis. It's as if writing clear instructions is harder than debugging quantum mechanics. "The code is self-explanatory," they claim, leaving everyone else scratching their heads.
In the end, developers are a quirky bunch, but we love them for it. Their quirks and peculiarities are what make them the creative, brilliant minds that power our digital world. So here's to developers, the masters of logic and the wizards of the virtual realm!13
Recently did a food intolerance IgG test and turns out I am dairy intolerant. Fcking dairy intolerance might have been the reason for all that fatigue and massive migraines which I had for the past few years. Cutting out all of it and hopefully that will improve my health in the next few weeks. Previously I tried lots of other shit (changing habits, leaving stressful work environment, fixing sleep patterns, cutting caffeine smoking alcohol you name it) and turned to this test as a last resort.6
was never a fan of caffeine/coffee, neither knew its importance then i started night shift. Now i am like "all hail coffee"1
Here we go, classes are starting again tommorow, tried to do most of the things on holiday, delegated school project stuff to the project members and made a planning with them...
and still nothing happend on their part in a timespan of 2 weeks and the deadline is in 5 days and A FUCK LOAD OF STUFF STILL HAS TO BE DONE AKA I guess I have to do their part too in 5 days..
*going into caffeine induced rage insane mode for 5 days*1
By working from home, in my morning robe, jacked up on lethal doses of caffeine, blasting the latest glass cloud album.
I have to comment, how the fuck do you guys stay up so late and work for so long into the night? It doesn't matter how much caffeine is in my system, my productivity eventually just reaches absolute zero and I can't go on without sleep. And that's being awake for like, 18 hours. At most! I'm frankly kind of jealous.
But hey, if you are that type, just remember sleep is just as important as food and water. If you've been up more than a day, it's probably time for bed. Your brain will thank you. :) </psa>4
Yet to meet a dev who is a health nut. The code of the world is built on caffeine, fast food, and snacks as far as I know.5
Honestly ! How many mugs of caffeine U get each day ?!
(Just wanna make sure i'm not indulging :) )21
Yesterday, I started a new job yesterday (yay!), and all of us new employees have gotten a laptop and a docking station.
Today, I was standing by the coffee machine, chatting with a fellow dev about different kinds of automation and efficiency techniques , when he suggested swapping-out coffee for caffeine pills, as a means to promote efficiency.
I immediately suggested we use the mouse as a docking station through which caffeine is pumped directly into the bloodstream, as a means to promote automation :)1
Without caffeine ➞ me ⩶ useless
With caffeine ➞ anxiety++
Btw I don't drink 10 liters / 2.6 gallons of coffee everyday or anything, just a small latte does the trick ..9
Just 1 cup of cappaccino can make me stay awake the whole night :/
2 nights no sleep , not gonna get anymore caffeine tonight !3
Great things aren't developed in one day and night with excessive caffeine and hard work. They are developed in many days and many nights with excessive caffeine and hard work.
Am I the only one that comes to the sad realization that if I wanna have a happy and healthy lifestyle I have to sleep a lot and avoid caffeine and do exercise on a daily basis and, on the other hand, if I wanna do all the things I'd like to do concerning software development (and hold a regular job) I have to sacrifice sleep, exercise and switch water to coffee?10
Wait this is crazy!
Well I'm not an anxious or depressed type.
But no melatonin pill = no sleep
Worst part is no sleep during the day cause of sun light.
Even taking pills won't guarantee my sleep .
Yes I told my doc and he said "just relax , limit your caffeine "
Have you experienced this?31
Need two needles, two infusion hoses and 5 - 10 l of coffee.
The blood must go, the caffeine get in instead.
And yeah. This sounds fantastical in my brain right now, as I'm literally drooling half asleep in front of the PC.
It's 16 o clock in germany and I have gotten done nothing.
And I think I should put on some baby bips or the keyboard fries from drool.6
Have been working on my project recently, bug fixing, aws configuring, containing the app, etc, etc. I've been sleeping close to 5hrs on average per day, juggling college finals, work, training and project labour, my activity here has been minimal but I figured some people might be going through the same and I wanted to share my last resource dev weapon...the jet fuel of dev fuels imo...DW coffee
I strongly recommend to use it in dire times (not a promo this thing got me through 13 hours of coding straight)7
Most hours of work at once?
A coworker and I did an allnighter because our boss gave us a tight fucking deadline (luckily that almost never happens).
We started normal work at 06:30 and were finisted at 09:30 the next day. Summed up break time: 1h 15m.
I remember that my coworker went home after that but fell asleep in the train and woke up 2 hours later half across the country. Poor soul.
When he left, my boss just arrived in the office and I had to stay 2 hours longer to fix bugs we implemented during our caffeine overdose...
It later turned out that the whole mess was useless, because the client put the project on hold. That was about 8 months ago, or 12, I don't even remember.2
I've been awake 40 hours now... I do need to finish this site ... I do not have much brain capacity left but I know it like the back of my hand ..
I dunno if I should sleep or 🤔 finish it ... Currently crashing sugar low no caffeine so 😐 I need to be up in two hours anyway21
The traits that compile to form a programmer
-Not good at naming things
-People started asking for you to fix electronics regardless of what you tell them You’re actually studying/good at
-Procrastination through the roof
-Lives off of Coffee, POP, Energy drinks, or what ever source of caffeine.13
Okay so this is my first desk job. I'm experiencing some personal issues and wondering if they are normal, what you do to combat them, etc.
First of all, some days, I literally almost fall asleep on the job. Caffeine doesn't work much. I know it's just my sleep schedule but what should I do in this situation? What if I actually do fall asleep?
Secondly, I'm finding that my productivity only exists in bursts. I'll do three hours of work in 10 minutes, and then 10 minutes of work in three hours. I can't just catch a stride. How do I become more consistently productive? Should I be more consistent?
My legs hurt. Sitting all day is not for me. I guess this is more situation to situation, and I do walk almost 6k steps a day on my breaks, but it really doesn't feel great most of the day.9
New coffee machines at work. Real beans! What's the equivalent of the Ballmer Peak for Caffeine? Posting this at 4.04am, lying awake in bed and not coding, I'm probably past it.. sleep not found2
1. Putting bits in proper places is fun
2. It's cool to translate curiosity and caffeine into money
3. Coding is modern-day magic in many ways
When writing my term paper.
Did some caffeine and teeine fueled rage C++ coding.
Codes over the day and night.
On a sunday until moday morning at 5.
Started way to late.
Fucked it up.
My most productive is honestly when I'm on a caffeine high (my personal favorite is a 24oz NOS). I have pulled all-nighters. Accidentally.
But getting INTO the mood for programming is simple and kinda embarrassing. I get excited by seeing programming keywords in real life. For example, at a job I worked at, there was a whiteboard what had the word "include" on it forever. Not about programming at all. But every time I saw it I was reminded of c/c++ and it made me wanna do some code. I don't know why I'm like this.
I thought other people were weak for having to rely on coffee to be productive. God I was wrong. Now I am the worst caffeine addict in the office.2
The coffee/food room on my floor is absurd.
On day, the Keurig machines, microwave oven and convection oven all disappeared. Turns out they were owned by some employees and when they moved to an other floor they took their stuff with them.
In the caffeine-deprived panic that ensued, a bunch of other employees pooled together some money and went across the street to purchase new applicances.
They now charge us 5¢ for each packet of sugar or milk/cream cup. And they announced it with a passive-aggressive poster with an angry dog on it.2
Last week I was studying Cocos2d-python, I had been awake for something like 35 hours, kept alive by cocacola and coffee, and while debugging I started to hear my rubber ducks talking, I've written their instructions on a blackboard, and now I'm working on that project...
And I was there like everything was normal, I had more caffeine and sugar in my body than water, I remember clearly saying "thanks weird talking duck!"2
So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)1
Quitting nicotine and caffeine and all the letters on the screen are fucked up. How have I made it this far without killing myself? Nobody actually wants to be around me anymore and I’m haunted by my isolation. Fading skills and fading life force.21
Cappuccino, Espresso, Espresso Doppio, Latte Macchiato...
Oh just basically caffeine... Makes the code more shiny!1
Are there any fellow devranters who have shitty working memory and have trouble focusing? Basically people who have ADHD/ADD? I got into programming because I love solving problems and am able to hyperfocus for weeks on projects, but outside of work life seems to be a mess :/ Can't even remember simple facts if they don't interest me (don't have that much dopamine).
Could you share some advices on how you managed to treat ADHD/ADD or basically improve your memory?
I mean there is the obvious: sleep, exercise, good nutrition (cutting out dairy, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, smoking).
But maybe there are other ways to do this without using drugs such as ritalin/concerta?13
How do I get in the coding zone 🤔 I get buzzed off my tits with caffeine then loud music and code all night
Thought that's how we all do it1
1. start up my monitors, have one monitor streaming news while the other one is browsing devRant.
2. drink an ungodly amount of caffeine
3. crash so hard that I have an excuse not to code and go back to bed.
When you spend an hour debugging why an API call isn't working and find out YOU MADE A FUCKING TYPO! FUCK YOU ANALYSIS IS A STUPID WORD ANYWAY1
Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
So I can guzzle like 6-8 cups of coffee a day, should I be worried about the caffeine or the sugar? 🤔13
My body is begging me to sleep, but there is so much caffeine in my blood that brain is not letting me to do so....
Got into work. 2 hours worth of meetings without my daily caffeine. Trying to decide if I am cranky or people really are this stupid.1
Today another developer recommends to me change coffe to a green apple and green apple juice today i transform green apples into code... lol.1
When I'm about to start a late night coding session I like to brew a pot of green tea. In theory there is less caffeine than coffee.1
Sitting here coding a new API with "Ride of the Valkyries" blasting in my headphones. Good times. be right back, getting more caffeine
We Developers Are Organisms That Covert Caffeine into Code ☕
How many of you are Caffeine Addicted?5
Someone just left a small turd in front of the toilet bowl and stepped on it so now there's smeared shit on the floor tiles in a toilet stall.
Must be all the caffeine I guess.
Oh, and don't stand up too fast after taking a shit apparently, since I can't fathom how that happened.4
With a large caffeine high and an all day techno stream, I’ve managed to finally “get” docker after 4 years working with it4
It is 10:54 on a Monday and I have not had a Monster because my drug deal- um doctor, told me off for drinking it (not good for anxiety etc). This shit is tough...8
Sometimes, at least once or twice during the month my body just fucking breaks. Right now for example I can't sleep and I am beyond fucking tired. This is going to hurt bad once I eventually pass out but feel the weird pain that I get from going sleepless for 2 fucking nights.
I work out like a motherfucker in order to get tired. Every fucking day I land on the gym(monday to Thursdays and Friday I take it easy with saturday and sunday rest) i run 3 to 4 miles just to get tired enough.
But not this week. Have not been able to sleep since friday for more than 4 hours.
Why am I this fucking way? I am far too young to be fucking around this way. My caffeine intake is close to null.
Fuck me I just want to sleep.4
Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
When friends ask me to do some coding...
Them: I want/need this and that and... [trillions of features and "cool" stuffs]
Them: Oh and this and that and [more "cool" stuff]
Me: Alright.. when do you need it?
Them: something around a week?
Is it just me or does everyone -not- accustomed to coding think that projects are usually done in a few days...?
Maybe the common opinion about coders is something like: They aren't humans, they are machines which convert caffeine during night time to source code3
Welcome to post 2 of WHY WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU?, a saga of competence, empathy and me being dick, even tho I didn't want to be one.
This is a follow-up to: https://devrant.com/rants/2363374 It's title is: "Oh, you can post only every 2h. Didn't know that". I also didn't know that the rest of my rant would be put into a comment. For consistency tho, this time I am still splitting the story.
A wise person once wrote in their book: "People judge other people by two things: Empathy and competence." This may not be an accurate quote, but it carries the same message. Also, I don't really remember who was the author. I only know they were probably quite wise. Anyway, I just wanted to share that sentence. Have a moment and think about it. Or don't. Here's my story:
A was a software house that looked pretty promising. They were elegant, their page and offer looked nice. Well, unless you consider the fact that they offered me internship. Unpaid. But I decided to meet with them anyway, since I had hope that I could negotiate some sort of paid internship or a job contract even. I did my homework after all, and I was confident I am able to keep up with their requirements. I arrived a little bit... no, way to early. One damn hour. Whatever, I waited. I was greeted by a woman. We had a cultural conversation, she had a list of 12 questions I needed to answer, as a form of a test. We begun. First question: How do you change a value in Oracle Database? "Wait a minute", I thought, "What kind of question is that?". Why in seven hells would you want your frontend developer to know how to handle oracle db? Well, I gave my answer, I did lick some of that SQL in my life. Next question: Java stuff. The bloody gal didn't even care to check what position I am applying to before the interview! At this point I didn't really have very high hopes. A shame on them forever.
The story of B and C is connected and a little bit more complicated. More on that in part 2. B stands for Bank. A big corporation then, by definition. A person I know decided called me that day and told me they're hiring, that he referred me and that they would like to arrange a meeting. And so we did. It was couple of days before Christmas. C was a software house again. Or a startup. Idk really. Their website wasn't finished so I couldn't read anything useful up on them. They didn't tell me much about themselves either. They also started with "unpaid internship".
In C, they would greet me and instantly sit me down next to a mac laptop and told me, "hey, do this stuff in python". What the fuck, not again... I told them that I am frontend dev, they guy said "it's no problem, you said you know python, it's a simple task". And yeah, I did host some apps in Flask and I did use psycopg2. It was in my CV. But never, ever, have I mentioned knowing heuristics nor statistics. I'm no data scientist, monsieur. Whatever, I tried, I failed a little bit, I told them that maybe if I did want to spend half of my day there I would finish this task, but back then I was way too nervous to focus and code. I told them what should be done in code and that I just was unable to code this at the very moment. They nodded, we said goodbye and I was sure not to hear from them ever again.
In B, I was greeted by a senior frontend dev. He told me the recruiter is sick and he couldn't come, so we're talking alone. I can buy it. We sat down in said meeting room, and he asked me if I wanted a drink. No thx, I had digested so much caffeine during last 24h, next dose could be an overdose. And then, he took out my resume printed in paper. With notes on it. With some stuff encircled. That bloody bastard did his homework. We spent over an hour, just talking in friendly atmosphere. It was an interview, but it was a conversation also. We shared our experiences, opinions and it went just perfect.
On December 20, I was heading home for Christmas. My situation looked like this: A called me they could offer me only unpaid internship. I was getting kinda bored of rice and debts, tbh. I gracefully rejected their generous offer. B didn't give me feedback yet(it was a most recent interview, so I didn't expect any message until after Christmas anyway). C told me that they could give me internship, but I managed to convince them to make it paid internship. After three months of very bad times, things were starting to get better.
On part III we will explore further events of my very recent past. That post will be same amount of storytelling and possibly a lesson for those who seek an employer and for those who seek an employee.6
I'm 17 and I already have a coffee problem!! I drink 5 to 6 cups of coffee a day!! I need to slow down..12
when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee
Monster Hydro sucks. Why did I think it would be a good idea to try this instead of an actual Monster?5
The first time I tried "sudo apt install caffeine" and realized there was a repo I got excited. And then promptly disappointed that no coffee mug showed up...1
I need to add new feature into the program which I wrote years ago so I start digging up the source code. The project is written in a language which I no longer code in.
That code is really poorly written with most of them don't have tests. I also find out that previous self is really a genius since he can keep track of huge project with almost no documentation.
To make matter worst, there are unused components (class,feature) in the source code. "Current me" have a policy of "just adding only a feature you need and remove unused feature" but it seem the "previous me" don't agree with the "current me".
The previous me also have the habit of using writing insane logic. I can remember what particular class and methods is doing but I can't figure out the details.
For example one method only have 5 line of code but it is very hard to figure out what those do.
The saving grace is that he know the important for method signature and using immutable data structure everywhere.
I was under the influence of caffeine and have a constant sleep deprivation at the time (only sleeping about 4 hour every day) so I can't blame him too hard.
I can't blame him too hard, right?
Could someone invent a time machine already? Invent time machine not to save the world but to save the developers from himself.4
I love caffeeine,
I love caffeine,
feen feen feen for the caffeine
I wrote me some crappy bogus code,
my boredom was ready to overload,
I popped a monster and now everything flows,
i love caffeine14
"Courier tracking websites - the thrill of refreshing for 'real-time' updates, deciphering error messages, and navigating through a UI designed by a caffeine-fueled coder on a psychedelic trip. It's like playing hide-and-seek with my package! Can we please simplify and speed up this tracking game, dear coding wizards?"2
When you realize that commands like :wq / :q! / :x aren't getting you anywhere because you're in sublime not vim. I've begun my descent into a vim fan boy...4
Back in my classic asp days, I used to average 12 hour work days with a few 16 hour days as the deadline drew near. No pills, just caffeine, junk food and cigarettes.
I'm sure the way I behaved in my 20's has cost me a decade of my life.
The worst was an 19 hour stretch, but I started getting confused and puking so I slept for 3 hours before finishing and then presenting.
I'm just glad those days are behind me.
I think I'm way more productive and healthy now at just 8 hours a day.
Having a cold on a busy time schedule sucks. I almost worked myself to death yesterday by consuming a ungodly ammount of caffeine. Even though the caffeine helped for what felt like 15 minutes, my brain did not seem to function. Just one more worksheet to hand in tomorrow ....
I packed double on mate today. Hopefully I'll survive the code review today. How I love fridays...3
I live mainly on green tea and grissini(bread sticks). Ironically I have a very weak alcohol tolerance but caffeine never seems to have any effect, so i just drink greent tea because it soothes my nerves and tastes awesome while eating low calorie snacks... Another irony is that I'm fat... You would think such a healthy sounding life style would lead to a fit body. Then why the fuck am I still fat god ?! Do you want me to cycle for 50 km everyday for christs sake ??!!!!2
I’d like so advice, sometimes I need to code for pretty much 2-3 days straight
I try to power nap on occasion as I know being tired can have a bit of an effect.
I need to stay alert so I was wondering what tips and tricks people may have to help
As I need to stay away from caffeine now 😒
So my company has this ritual that all of it's new hires have to go through some online training regarding the policies and blah blah...
It basically takes hours and a lot of caffeine.
I'm thinking of automating the process and leave the package for the poor new souls to use for free!
Although, still in dilemma if it'll be unethical.6
At what point for coffee basically become sugar water?
Seems like I'm craving mines like soda these days... But know if I'm getting a caffeine Rush or sugar Rush...2
Great news when the process I need to support through the night finishes early so you no longer need to work. Terrible news that I have zero chance of sleeping now as in preparation I didn't get out of bed until midday and am full of caffeine.
Anybody tried Yerba Maté? How does the stimulation compare to coffee? I need caffeine without coffee. I also heard about pills.6
Since most of us are caffeine heads here (including me), I felt like sharing this here
"US teen died after drinking caffeine too quickly"4
What is the best time of day to take caffeine with the least side effects and the most "therapeutic" effects?
And from which source? Coffee, guarana, kola nuts?8
my sleep issues are getting out of hand. i have insomnia and sleep apnea, and materials for my APAP are expensive and nothing that won't fuck up my brain over time (i.e. any sleep aid that isn't melatonin, pretty much all of them make you lose brain matter density over time, and melatonin does jack shit) is strong enough to knock me out. at this point i'm getting one 5AM-4PM sleep cycle a week. i can't exactly fix it as i'm expected to be awake and present during the day, so i'm stuck sucking down caffeine all week during the day to try and be awake for 8 hours. i'm not even employed, so it's sitting and doing fuck all during that time.
goddammit why do i have to go through this shit8
It was a weird day today, overall good. My web development books arrived by courier and I got started straight away with them, Thought I was reluctant at first to learn HTML all over again and try JS or CSS, Completed 3 projects by 22:00 and now can't hold myself together and now I falling apart to sleeping state. (No caffeine) Perhaps, I should continue Learning Python along with Web.
I'm off any caffeine since eastern 2019.
Funny tho, I work as efficient as always + get a natural amount/intensity of sleep :)2
fucking caffeine telling my brain that it doesn't work in its absence !
"this will require a rewrite you really don't want to do..."
first thought is coffee.2
I'm almost through this sugar free Monster and I'm still falling asleep and it's only 10am. I'm going to get some coffee, but it may be too late. No amount of caffeine may be able to keep me awake today.2
Fuck yeah !
I have a challenge for once I can't wait 😎
I'm going deeper into the numbers then I ever have before 😎
I do need to calm down I'm visibly shaking ... I did have to much caffeine
Okay so there's lots of posts regarding coffee... I don't actually drink coffee, does this mean I can't be a dev anymore?6
I spent 30 minutes this morning wondering why my code was throwing an exception. Turns out I was forgetting to read the SqlDataReader before accessing it...
I shouldn't be allowed to code before I've had caffeine...
When a coder doesn’t get his morning coffee; don’t mess with him, even the codes don’t try to mess with them. In this programming jokes, relation between programmer and caffeine is explained.
Coffee. Get wired off your face on caffeine and then you only have three choices, program like you've never programmed before, bounce off a couple of walls or have a severe heart attack.
Rinse an repeat until you're in hospital.
You're welcome 😂😂1
Going to a CCI Career fair / internship fair here soon, got my spiffy shirt on, a folder full of resume and business cards, and enough caffeine flowing through my veins to wipe out half the population of a moderately sized nation-state. Any last minute tips? I do web dev and I'm looking for an internship / jr position for my next (last) semester of college and/or post-graduation
Initially I was taking Network Security. Didn't like it that much. Figured I should explore and took a diploma in Information Tech.
First programming assignment, stayed up the whole night to solve it accompanied by a couple of Monster drinks. Got hooked on programming ever since. Picked up caffeine addiction along the way.
Oh and I'm now lactose intolerant. Strongly believe it's due to the large amounts of coffee I had back in the day.
The Code Abyss Beckons! 🤯
Hey fellow devs, brace yourselves for a wild ride into the chaotic realm of code confessions and debugging dramas! 🎢💻
So, here I am, standing at the precipice of my latest coding adventure, armed with a keyboard and a questionable amount of caffeine. 🚨☕
Today's quest involves unraveling the mysteries of a legacy code that seems to have been written in a language only decipherable by ancient coding sages. 😱📜
As I navigate through the nested loops of confusion and dance with the dragons of runtime errors, I can't help but wonder: Is this what the Matrix feels like for developers? 🕵️♂️💊
In the midst of my debugging odyssey, I stumbled upon a comment in the code that simply said, "// Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." 🏴☠️📛 Well, isn't that reassuring?
And then there's the moment when you finally fix that elusive bug, and you feel like you've just tamed a mythical creature. 🦄✨ Victory dance, anyone? 💃🕺
But let's not forget the rubber duck sitting on my desk, patiently listening to my monologues about algorithms and existential coding crises. 🦆🗣️
So, dear coding comrades, how's your journey through the code abyss going? Any epic wins or facepalming fails to share? Let the rants flow like a river of improperly closed tags! 🌊🚫
May your semicolons be where they should and your documentation be ever truthful. Happy coding, and may your merge conflicts be swift and painless! 🌈🤞
#CodeOdyssey #DebuggingDrama #DevRantChronicles10
About to work on a small feature for my job's web app since I took a caffeine pill to finish up a college assignment. It's 12:34am; at least it's just a column addition to the DB.
Oh shit I've had way to much caffeine 🤤
Heart is full on racing I haven't had any for a few weeks and I just had 2 relentless... High caffeine energy drinks
Oh fuck.... Loud music and hype might help !?
Sometimes I really don't know how else to put it lmao, I'm on the level of caffeine crash and overtiredness that I literally typed in "clear" to the Windows file save dialog. I swear Python has made me suffer for longer than Java has, and that says something. Help.3
Anyone else digest coffee a little too quickly? I tend to reap the benefits of caffeine (higher energy motivation and focus) for just a few minutes before I need to reload. This doesn’t always happen but when it does it’s annoying as hell3
Trying coffee for the first time. What should I get. (I have tried sips before and I hated the taste of the caffeine)4
How do you eat a proper meal when the caffeine is suppression your appetite? I'm gonna starve. My diet is only composed of coffee, milk, and chocolate. Sometimes junk food.4
Not really a Rant but:
My Productivity Method:
1. Nootropics (Nootrobox Daily, Sprint for 6+ hour work/focus periods)
2. Ketogenic Diet (Ridiculous Energy, Amazing Food Choices, No Crashing, No Cheating!)
3. Moderate Exercise
4. Get Lit (Partying) once a month at least, hard liquors.
5. Nicotine (Vaping 6mg) while coding.
6. Caffeine (Bulletproof Coffee)
7. League of Legends breaks.
8. Weekly Cigar Social with other professionals.
Balance Vice with Virtue is a great combination for getting stuff done.
What keeps you going?2
On April the 30th the code awakened in me.
From all the overnighters, the pressure it was already as if my brain was a suitable host. Of course it would not compile the code or be any kind of real VM, but all the business logic, all the pesky details of this mutilated code had literally been branded into the biomass of my brain.
I did not know how I kept on going. Amber, caffeine, valerian did not really help. But I staggered from step to step to keep that project running that should never have been begun.
Hell is: having a high tolerance to caffeine. Meaning coffee and energy drinks do nothing for me.
I'm so sleepy.6
When a coder doesn’t get his morning coffee; don’t mess with him, even the codes don’t try to mess with them. In this programming jokes, relation between programmer and caffeine is explained.
Me, two days ago: Man, I should try to drink less caffeine, I felt pretty shit when I didn’t had coffee… :(
Me, at 2am: *adds 6 tubs of gfuel to cart*
*proceeds to checkout*4
which type are you ??
**Manager:** Hey, we've got a little hiccup in the production environment. I know it's Friday evening and you're probably daydreaming about pizza, but could you give it a peek?
**Type 1:** Man, this is like finding a needle in a haystack while wearing sunglasses at night. Might take me a few hours... or days. But hey, wish me luck and have an epic weekend!
**Type 2:** Eureka! Found the gremlin. It looks like XYZ person tried to be a bit too creative on commit number 2234324. Maybe they had too much caffeine? Anyway, could you have a chat with them? And oh, may your weekend be as smooth as a fresh jar of peanut butter.
**Type 3:** Detective mode activated! Found the sneaky bug. It was XYZ person's "masterpiece" in commit number 2234324. But fear not! I've put on my superhero cape and fixed it in commit number 345453345.
**Type 4:** This issue again? It's like a recurring bad dream about forgetting your pants! I've revamped the whole thing so we don't have to relive this nightmare. If someone tries to pull this off again, our CI/CD will roast them like a marshmallow over a campfire.
**Type 5:** Ta-da! Fixed the glitch, jazzed up the design, and sprinkled in some extra logging magic. Now, troubleshooting will be as easy as pie. Speaking of which, I've got time for a coffee and maybe a slice of pie before heading out. Cheers!
Type 6 **Gloomy**: Oh, the digital clouds have gathered again. This issue is like a never-ending rain on a Monday morning. I've peered into the abyss of our code, and it's... well, it's deep and dark. I'll need some time, a flashlight, and maybe a comforting blanket. If you don't hear from me in a few hours, send in a search party with some hot cocoa.4
if len(thingsDoneToday) > 0:
print("What a productive day huh?!")
print("You lazy caffeine maniac... Get up and code!")
while minutesRemaining != 0:
Prints: You lazy caffeine maniac... Get up and code!
Plot Twist: Doesn't even print because it's full of bugs. Fuuuuuuu!
All of these mentioned below are tools used by web developers. Do pin me if I missed something or incorrectly stated it.
Syadmin: You can't use caffeine.
Me: How do you expect me to do my job without caffeine?!?
This conversation continued way longer than it should have today. (mostly my fault)
Bit of a stupid oopsie I had today that someone might appreciate.
We’re working on a microservice project in Spring Boot, running in a docker swarm. Past few days I get a Spring Cloud config server going in separate stack, create an overlay network, and get CI deployments to use the right profiles etc. It’s looking great, and the first component is working spectacularly.
Now just to do the other 6. Move config files to the Git repo, tweak CI, all the other faffing and hoohas; and deploy. Health checks keep failing, the containers are murdering themselves and resurrecting ad infinitum. They’re doing this so quickly that by the time I get the container ID to exec in and curl health, it’s no longer running. Cue frustration, increased caffeine and nicotine consumption; my sanity is slipping.
No errors in the logs, because from experience the Cloud Config errors ar at debug level. Whhhyyyy?? Some time later (way longer than it should have been) I realize I had never actually included the Spring Cloud Config starter. Boot 101, get your starter!
Since config client is just additional setup in properties.yml, there’s no issue of the dep isn’t there, it just doesn’t try to get the config.
The containers are still unhealthy, I can hear them screaming. But now at least it’s about something else...
Once upon a time in the exciting world of web development, there was a talented yet somewhat clumsy web developer named Emily. Emily had a natural flair for coding and a deep passion for creating innovative websites. But, alas, there was a small caveat—Emily also had a knack for occasional mishaps.
One sunny morning, Emily arrived at the office feeling refreshed and ready to tackle a brand new project. The task at hand involved making some updates to a live website's database. Now, databases were like the brains of websites, storing all the precious information that kept them running smoothly. It was a delicate dance of tables, rows, and columns that demanded utmost care.
Determined to work efficiently, Emily delved headfirst into the project, fueled by a potent blend of coffee and enthusiasm. Fingers danced across the keyboard as lines of code flowed onto the screen like a digital symphony. Everything seemed to be going splendidly until...
With an absentminded flick of the wrist, Emily unintentionally triggered a command that sent shivers down the spines of seasoned developers everywhere: DROP DATABASE production;.
A heavy silence fell over the office as the gravity of the situation dawned upon Emily. In the blink of an eye, the production database, containing all the valuable data of the live website, had been deleted. Panic began to bubble up, but instead of succumbing to despair, Emily's face contorted into a peculiar mix of terror and determination.
"Code red! Database emergency!" Emily exclaimed, wildly waving their arms as colleagues rushed to the scene. The office quickly transformed into a bustling hive of activity, with developers scrambling to find a solution.
Sarah, the leader of the IT team and a cool-headed veteran, stepped forward. She observed the chaos and immediately grasped the severity of the situation. A wry smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
"Alright, folks, let's turn this catastrophe into a triumph!" Sarah declared, rallying the team around Emily. They formed a circle, with Emily now sporting an eye-catching pink cowboy hat—an eccentric colleague's lucky charm.
With newfound confidence akin to that of a comedic hero, Emily embraced their role and began spouting jokes, puns, and amusing anecdotes. Tension in the room slowly dissipated as the team realized that panicking wouldn't fix the issue.
Meanwhile, Sarah sprang into action, devising a plan to recover the lost database. They set up backup systems, executed data retrieval scripts, and even delved into the realm of advanced programming techniques that could be described as a hint of magic. The team worked tirelessly, fueled by both caffeine and the contagious laughter that filled the air.
As the hours ticked by, the team managed to reconstruct the production database, salvaging nearly all of the lost data. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. And in the end, the mishap transformed into a wellspring of inside jokes and memes that permeated the office.
From that day forward, Emily became known as the "Database Destroyer," a moniker forever etched into the annals of office lore. Yet, what could have been a disastrous event instead became a moment of unity and resilience. The incident served as a reminder that mistakes are inevitable and that the best way to tackle them is with humor and teamwork.
And so, armed with a touch of silliness and an abundance of determination, Emily continued their journey in web development, spreading laughter and code throughout the digital realm.3