What people think devs do ...

This was my first freelancer project. Just dropped out of school, i think i was 17. No money, no proper hardware, i had a very old laptop & stolen wifi from our neighbor. I lived in a very small room at my mom’s flat, she wanted me out as soon as i turn 18. At the time my plan was to work on freelancer stuff and make my own games. “It will be fine, fuck school, who needs school? 😂“ I haven’t really finished anything back then, so i only had a few wip hobby projects to show ppl as my references. I saw a freelancer job posting. The task was to make a simple quiz game for mobile, it paid 350$. Back then that was a lot of money for me so i took it. I met the client, he said “2-3 week tops, i send you everything, you do the code” Cool. I finally had a “job”😃. The 2-3 weeks turned into a 8 month blur of all-nighting and just implement one more thing and its finished. I did not really have any experience on how to deal with clients and i really needed this project to finally have something on my porfolio. I motivated myself with “if i can finish this i can finish anything”. I think the story of my most definitive all-nighting was 3 months into the development. I finally got everything from the client so it was like just put it together and its done. The client wanted 300 levels, beeing a noob i was i started making all the 300 unity scenes by hand, aligning the pictures, the ui, testing each level, making adjustments to the code, etc.. after a really long night and a fuckton of caffeine i was done. I sent it to the client at around 9 am and gone to sleep. When i woke up i checked my emails to saw this: Cool! But can we do hints? (wich needed a fuckton of rework of my code) I think i had my first mental breakdown while working on the project. After that he wanted more modifications and because i made every level by hand i had to remake all of them like 10 times 😂
But in the end it turned out positive, he really helped me to start my carrier, we became sord of friends and the project gave me a lot of confidence and experience on how to deal with stuff when shit goes wrong because everything that can go wrong in a project gone wrong. It was the most valuable developer lesson. Plus it sounds so cool to say “i was born in development hell, b*tch!”🕶
I attached a pic of the laptop i worked on 😂
Thanks for reading 😃

Obtain substances Caffeine and H2O.
Headphones engaged.
Music initiate.
Computer clock disabled.
Phone removed from scene.
Disengage with unecessary programs, systems at full power.
IDE interface at full visual view
Rubber duck deployed.
All systems programme!

Me: Coffee has more coffee than energy drinks.

Coworker: You're right, coffee does have more coffee than energy drinks.

Me: I meant caffeine!

Is it just me or do others also think programmer jokes like "...converts caffeine and pizza into software" and similar to be fucking annoying?

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to my latest employee, Dave the Duck! Dave is the new head of debugging and took the job to support his out-of-hand caffeine addiction and 72 children (of which paternity tests are still being done on 10). Dave is also wanted in 4 countries as the leader of the popular gang, known as the Dangerous Ducks. Please do no feed Dave, as he is on a strict diet. #DaveTheDuck #ProgrammersTools #ImNotThatCrazy

!rant

The Sound of Typing (an original dev parody of "The Sound of Silence")

Hello caffeine, my old friend
I've come to sip on you again
Because my mind continues sleeping
While overpiled work is creeping
And the deadline that is flashing upon my screen
Can't be unseen
Within the sound of typing

Down the lines of buggy code
I quickly switch to debug mode
What kind of moron wrote this function?
For this unnecessary junction?
Wrapped in a condition that will always return true
I need a brew
To forget the sound of typing

Boss said I you do not know
WordPress like a cancer grows
A one page website doesn't need that
Still I wear my debug hard hat
And when I sleep I still see the same terror
Fatal error
Echoed in the sounds of typing

And every time I leave my home
I must launch chrome on my phone
The constant messages and phone calls
The chiming echoes through the halls
While I frantically fix some FooBar'd CSS
BUT I don't have LESS
Deep in the sounds of typing

And when I think I have it done
Some scope creep ruins all my fun
So now I force through an all-nighter
While I forge on like a fighter
But the project I thought was due on next Friday
Changed to Monday
Within the sound of typing

That late coffee was a mistake... (For the millionth time)

Now I have to sit in bed for 2 hours contemplating my life choices...
Spoiler: not good!

"Programmers are persons that convert caffeine into code". Every time i see this quote, i ask myself: Am i the only one? (non-coffee drinking programmer)

I was totally in the zone earlier.

Plenty of caffeine, plenty of anger thanks to idiots, rocking out to Amon Amarth and Disturbed, and chewing through a difficult logic problem. It was wonderful.

Then.

Then there was a mandatory all-hands meeting. A mandatory meeting entirely consisting of someone doing a (admittedly decent) presentation on very basic marketing. (Basic as in "This is what ROI is." 🙄) It lasted for about 40 minutes, totally killing my zone and butchering my productivity. I've barely gotten anything done the rest of the day, thanks to that.

On the bright side, I worked out the logic on stickies during the talky-people bits. Maybe I'll be able to write it tomorrow.

What is the most ridiculous over-the-top "startup" thing you've been the victim of as a developer?

Alternatively, what kind of weird startup luxury would you absolutely love to have at your company?

For me, at various companies I've worked at/visited:

1. Hammocks & fatboy beanbags. Current employer has a "Netflix & Chill" corner with nice couches, and a small gym. I have encountered isolation/flotation tanks at the office of one of our partners... which is cool, but over the top in my opinion.

2. A fully automated aquaponics garden in the lunchroom. Was awesome, until some fish died and started to rot.

3. One hoverboard per employee, at previous employer. I splashed hot chocolate milk in an arc over three desks. A coworker broke his ankle while watching me spill chocolate milk.

4. Daily scrum standup meetings, on socks, in a big bouncy castle. Not kidding. Fucking ridiculous... (but secretly fun). That employer also had spiral slides between all floors, a tiny half-pipe with tiny skateboards, and someone who rode a unicycle way too much. It was a fucking circus. Stuck in the office of a Fintech company.

5. Soldering bench (at my current company), with drawers full of breadboards, servos and electronics components. Completely unrelated to my work, but it was my idea. It's just great to build a simple kits together with another random coworker while brainstorming platform features & refining specs... much better than meetings with bullshit slides.

6. Unlimited energy drink. Developed a serious caffeine habit (15-20 cans a day), and almost got a stomach ulcer. Not beneficial to employee health.

7. I really do love working from home + unlimited holidays. Just being able to honestly say "fuck you guys, I'm gonna get drunk and play games today", and at other times working until 4am and sleeping in the next day, or taking a week to work in a park in Rome... It makes work truly feel like my favorite hobby. Combined with a good sprints and curious/ambitious people, you can easily track productivity anyway.

My Ubuntu is on too much caffeine 😂😂

> in da zone, headphones beating, caffeine rushing through my veins, snack-stack at 75%, code and commands flowing like campaign promises, I'm one with the keyboard... I can feel it ~(◉_◉)~

roomie: Hey J! J!
me: ಠ_ಠ I'm kinda busy, what do you want?
roomie: Dude don't forget to pick up bla bla bla
me: Okay
> Headphones back on, feeling the h4ckx0r fire resurge through my gut like a majestic phoenix (not to be confused with taco tuesday gut fire)
roomie: J...J! dude also make sure bla bla bla
me: ಠ╭╮ಠ I know, you don't need to be so specific with me.
> Headphones on...about to hit play again...
roomie: Dude do you happen to know bla bla bla

(ಥ﹏ಥ)
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

FUCK! just tell me everything at once so I can go back to ignoring you and the irrelevant world around me!

I hate when people do this.

🍿🍿 pull up a chair and get comfy. This was a few years ago and anger has filled some details, so bear with me...

One day, during one of rare afternoons off of work, I was in the library to work on a group project for school. This was maybe a month before it was due, so we were tracking for decent progress and one less stressor over finals. It was about 80° F out, with the perfect breeze for the beach, but school comes first.

I'm team lead (which is terrifying, but less important) and my bro C shows up early to be ready to go on time because he's professional. I'M SO BAD I FORGOT DOUCHEBAGS NAME, so he's A (for asshole), shows up AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES LATE. But it's not the end of the world, C and I worked around our database schema (which A sent us and we approved), so we could iron out kinks as we went.

A gets there... Fucking finally.

Fucker didn't have the database built (had 2 months to do it, we all agreed on schema a month prior. We're trying to be the adults our ages claim is to be).

*breathe in, count to 10* not a problem, A, just go ahead and start it now so we can at least check what we have.

Ok, my queen, I'll have it done in 10 minutes...

🤔🤔

We needed an id (sku... Which, in 99.9999% of companies is numeric), a short name (xBox one, Macbook, don't smart tv), a description and a price (with 2 decimals). All approved by all 3 of us.

His sku ranges from 3 to 9 ALPHA NUMERIC CHARACTERS, the names were even more generic than expected (item1, item 2, Item_3), no description, and he somehow thought US currency had 5 decimal places!!! (it's more accurate...)

There was an epic, royal, and expensive fight scene in the library (may have been during the Lenten season I decided to give up caffeine AND fast for 40 days to prove a point to an ass wipe of a history teacher, don't recall). I made him cry, he failed the class because C and I wound up fixing everything he touched (graded by commits, because it was also an intro to git, but also, a classmate saw it all), and I had to buy multiple people coffee for yelling in the library.

A tried making out buttons work (I was fed up and done thinking for the day, so moved to documentation), but he fucked those up. I then made those worse by having nested buttons, but I deleted all his shit and started over and fixed it.

I then cried, but C and I survived and have each others backs still.

Anyone else concerned with their daily caffeine/cream/sugar consumption?

Currently at 5 coffees (+ cream + sugar) per day just to feel normal.

😦 ☕☕☕☕☕

I ran out of instant noodles and had to go out to buy some, and literally the first thought that came to my mind was "Why the fuck is the sun so bright"

No, seriously, why does it feel so bright

I'm having low motivation these days.. waking up, showering, breakfasting, and already do I want to get back to sleep.. even extra caffeine doesn't seem to help anymore... What's wrong with me? ._.

My parents are happy that I'm finally able to fund my caffeine addiction all by myself

Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?

When I am in the zone and someone disturbs me

12th cup of tea of the day, 12 more to go, coffee is not counted

Caffeine will kill me

Hello again devs!

The hackathon where team devRant is going to participate is only one day out!

Today will be a lot of preparations, buying foods, caffeine (will need that for staying awake for about 40 hours approx), sports (promised this guy so this is gonna be fun). And last but not least, today I'll hear what the thing we're going to have to program is (a rough summary)!

The status/vlog page is nearly finished so I'll be statussing and vlogging tomorrow.

If anyone has any ideas as for the status page etc, please shoot away, there's going to be a chatish thingy as well =).

I don't need anything else!

When you have so many projects you need your buddy to send you the good stuff all the way from America.

Damnit I stayed up until 230am cause I had to see what "Mr robot" was all about and now I'm on episode 5.

When you're talking on your phone and have a panic attack because you can't feel your phone in your trouser pockets...

College can be one of the worst investments for an IT career ever.

I've been in university for the past 3 years and my views on higher education have radically changed from positive to mostly cynical.

This is an extremely polarizing topic, some say "your college is shite", "#notall", "you complain too much", and to all of you I am glad you are happy with your expensive toilet paper and feel like your dick just grew an inch longer, what I'll be talking about is my personal experience and you may make of it what you wish. I'm not addressing the best ivy-league Unis those are a whole other topic, I'll talk about average Unis for average Joes like me.

Higher education has been the golden ticket for countless generations, you know it, your parents believe in it and your grandparents lived it. But things are not like they used to be, higher education is a failing business model that will soon burst, it used to be simple, good grades + good college + nice title = happy life.

Sounds good? Well fuck you because the career paths that still work like that are limited, like less than 4.

The above is specially true in IT where shit moves so fast and furious if you get distracted for just a second you get Paul Walkered out of the Valley; companies don't want you to serve your best anymore, they want grunt work for the most part and grunts with inferiority complex to manage those grunts and ship the rest to India (or Mexico) at best startups hire the best problem solvers they can get because they need quality rather than quantity.

Does Uni prepare you for that? Well...no, the industry changes so much they can't even follow up on what it requires and ends up creating lousy study programs then tells you to invest $200k+ in "your future" for you to sweat your ass off on unproductive tasks to then get out and be struck by jobs that ask for knowledge you hadn't even heard off.

Remember those nights you wasted drawing ER diagrams while that other shmuck followed tutorials on react? Well he's your boss now, but don't worry you will wear your tired eyes, caffeine saturated breath and overweight with pride while holding your empty title, don't get me wrong I've indulged in some rough play too but I have noticed that 3 months giving a project my heart and soul teaches me more than 6 months of painstakingly pleasing professors with big egos.

And the soon to be graduates, my God...you have the ones that are there for the lulz, the nerds that beat their ass off to sustain a scholarship they'll have to pay back with interests and the ones that just hope for the best. The last two of the list are the ones I really feel bad for, the nerds will beat themselves over and over to comply with teacher demands not noticing they are about to graduate still versioning on .zip and drive, the latter feel something's wrong but they have no chances if there isn't a teacher to mentor them.

And what pisses me off even more is the typical answers to these issues "you NEED the title" and "you need to be self taught". First of all bitch how many times have we heard, seen and experienced the rejection for being overqualified? The market is saturated with titles, so much so they have become meaningless, IT companies now hire on an experience, economical and likeability basis. Worse, you tell me I need to be self taught, fucker I've been self taught for years why would I travel 10km a day for you to give me 0 new insights, slacking in my face or do what my dog does when I program (stare at me) and that's just on the days you decide to attend!

But not everything is bad, college does give you three things: networking, some good teachers and expensive dead tree remnants, is it worth the price tag, not really, not if you don't need it.

My broken family is not one of resources and even tho I had an 80% scholarship at the second best uni of my country I decided I didn't need the 10+ year debt for not sleeping 4 years, I decided to go to the 3rd in the list which is state funded; as for that decision it worked out as I'm paying most of everything now and through my BS I've noticed all of the above, I've visited 4 universities in my country and 4 abroad and even tho they have better everything abroad it still doesn't justify some of the prices.

If you don't feel like I do and you are happy, I'm happy for you. My rant is about my personal experience which is kind of in the context of IT higher education in the last ~8 years.

Just letting some steam off and not regretting most of my decisions.

Woohoo! I fixed a huge memory leak in our app! ... In one class.

Time for noise cancelling head phones, 80s hacker music, tons of caffeine, and more leak hunting. :)

Was coding on a project at home and suddenly i got the feeling that i had forgotten something...
*Checks the time*
06.30AM
Oh... yeah...sleep...
Hello coffee my old friend...
Time to head off to work then :)

How often does this happen to you?

When you visit your mom's and she made coffee

*sip*
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
*sip*
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!

A combination of dark magic, unicorn sacrifices and caffeine.

The wife is asleep. The two year old wrecking ball of a boy is asleep. Wanted to finish a library to run kafka/grpc for nodejs microservices with plug and play functionality.

Make some tea. Figured the caffeine will keep me up. Maybe work late night. It'll be fun.

Then diarrhea hits. Now, staying up late because apparently I ate something I shouldn't have. Don't you hate it when that happens?

How many of you know these and can relate? 😅

My study organises a hackathon (12 pm to the next 12 pm so 24 hours total) every year and doesn't allow to bring your own coffee machine. Last year, the teachers machine was used but it's so freaking slow (produces one pot an hour or so) that we could hardly get any. Then, at the early night, it broke down. Everyone was going pretty insane without caffeine for that timespan haha. (Loads of people didn't bring energy drink because 'coffee at location' xD)

Good morning. New week, first cup of caffeine on the desk.

One does not simply code without developing antisocial behavior and caffeine addiction.

After not having any caffeine for 2 months, a can of monster hits like a fucking truck.

Can somebody please drown me in coffee?

I could need the caffeine.

I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.

I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.

I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.

Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)

What's your coffee story?

Anyone else find the eat sleep code hacker / soylent chugging caffeine energized all nighter coder beast idea immature? I run into people who think that those ideals are what makes a good engineer and it irks me. Maybe I'm just too judging.

Reminder to look after yourselves.

Today I found out I've had hypertension and possibly an unruptured aneurysm. Resulting from stress at work and home, overworking and bad diet from having to keep my engery up for work. (over the last around 2-3 years).

Luckly I've moved away from stressful situations now so I'm feeling like I've dodged a rather large bullet!

Look after yourselves guys, take breaks, check your caffeine, sugar and cholesterol intakes and keep active! I reckon the 6 days a week football training saved my life!

hypertension is a silent killer and can cause fatal damage to your organs such as kidneys, lungs, eyes, brain and heart.

Luckly it spotted it early with a blood test and optician visit. I had a hemorrhage in one of my eyes but wasn't until 6 months later GP noticed signs of kidney damage from my blood test it was found!

I should be fine but look after yourselves! You're more important than that deadline!

Coding without coffee is like driving without wheels: you can do it for a while, but you won't get far and you'll leave chaos in your wake.

How many of you know what this is?
It's what gives me energy to code all day long!

Fuck it.
Getting high on caffeine tonight and catching up on personal projects.

. / __
__ |_/ __
\ [__] /
----/ | \----
/\ _|_ /\
de | | ing

Well. Im officially addicted to computers, code and caffeine.

Is 6 RedBull cans a day too much?

Not on call. 2 hours of sleep, get a call. Ask if primary on call got called... all my coworkers are fixing shit. Why is everything down? I'm tired and need my sleep.

Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.

People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.

Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.

When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.

Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.

When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.

Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.

This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]

Reasons not to be a dev:
High Stress level
Caffeine addiction
No home/work life balance.

I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.

Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.

I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.

Once while making a automation program for a friends errr academic betterment. I realized I had taken three of the sacred caffeine pills and chewed them unlike normal. Needless to say this increased the surface area tremendously. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack right there at the age of 20. And all I could think was, "fuck my screen has a lot of dead pixels."

Not really a rant. But, since I found devrant I started needing less caffeine to help me get me through the day.

I love Lineage

I get inspired when scrolling through devrant.. It is like a motivational therapy after a long day of caffeine and coding.. :d

Didn't sleep well.. now i'm constantly phasing out in front of my editor.

I just looked 5 mins straight at the word "readonly" until I came back to life and completely lost track of what I was doing.

Going to sleep a bit now..:D

no caffeine, no code!

Caffeine? Nah. I transform Google searches into code.

Story time!

Like I mentioned in a previous rant, I’m (or was) a coca-cola addict. Coca-cola has caffeine, right?

This happened a tuesday. I forgot my mug at home (I wanted to draw it a bat🦇) so I bought a jumbo coffee at a store near my office. I drank it, and then, all my partners went to the kitchen for coffee. I went with them and I refilled my cup.

I was working on my code, and suddenly I felt a strange sensation on my chest (I don’t think I could describe it, it feels like when you have intestinal problems and gases, but in the chest). I didn’t give it importance. One hour later I started trembling. I googled my symptoms and I found I had a coffee overdose 😱 But how? I drank a lot of caffeine in soda, but this only happened to me with coffee. This lasted 5 hours 😓

You, specially the most experienced devs and coffee addicts, how can I drink more than 1 cup of coffe per day without trembling? Btw, I have no heart or pressure problems, so I don’t know... this happened because I don’t drink much coffee?

More caffeine == more code

"I should stop abusing caffeine" - I say as I chug down yet another monster

Seriously, HOW GOOD IS COFFEE THO

The high I get off caffeine is *incredible*

It's like, so good. AAAAND it's totally legal, safe, not frowned upon etc

Then there's the productivity boost.

I feel immortal.

Coffee a day, keeps the tester away.

Fml... you keep getting the weekly discussions right on point.

I started with the last guys right out of university... just out of Hospital.

With a brand new degree and a Crohn’s diagnosis I stepped into the first place I found hiring. They were good guys, after a junior dev... to get stuck in their muck.

I did! I nailed project after project, tricky development after tricky development. I spent 5 years with them and over those years things changed.

They had a mass cull... the original idea was to get rid of the useless middle managers, the ones managing other managers being managed by another manager for no real reason.... the ones that do fuck all with their day.

But the fucking idiots upstairs put the job of working out the cull in the shitty middle managers hands.

So, instead, they cut the titles senior, junior and everything in between. Everyone was just a thing, no senior things, no junior things. Just things.

Once they’d done that they said “we’ll we have this many things, they’re all the same, let’s get rid of the things with the highest pay checks because the other things can do it just as well for less money”...

And that’s how they cut 50% of their senior techs.

I was one of the ones left behind but the damage became obvious quick. The middle managers barked out orders at people who couldn’t complete them, and everything went to shit.

My team was rebranded twice in as many years... an obvious ploy for funding, but the cost of the team fluctuated like hell because contractors had to fill the senior positions at 3 times the cost.

Then the managers started barking out Self contradictory orders. Do this, but this way...

This would work, but not that way... try explaining that to a group of non-technical, useless as fuck middle managers. It took months, and shit flows downstream so we got the bulk of the hassle for it.

Then my boy Morpheus, got a warning... they threatened his contract for saying “this will work, but not that way”.

He kept the contract, and the manager giving him the warning said he didn’t think he should... but he, and all the middle fuckwits don’t have the balls to stand up against nonsense.

That was the breaking point for me, I handed in my notice and told them a month was what they could have.

I didn’t have a position or an idea of where to go, a few long-standing offers as back up in a pinch but not the perfect job.

On the Thursday I decided I was done, I let my manager know. Then I boshed the fuck out of my CV and updated my profiles.

My phone started ringing off the hook, a senior NG2/MEAN/Ionic dev on the market is like candy to recruiters. They’re lovely too.

I went to a few interviews that were okay but not great. Then a company got in touch... one that I immediately recognised as an IT book publisher. They said they were looking for NG/NG2 devs, senior. winner! Set up the interview.

So I’d spent the weekend with the missus, about an hour away from mine and 2 from the interview. I hadn’t planned on staying there but at 6ish she looked over at me and said “do you have to go” <- imagine that with puppy dog eyes from a gorgeous Slovenian lass.

I folded quicker than a shitty pancake toss.

We spent the night together but that meant I had to be up at 6, to go back to mine, iron my interview clothes and make it to the train to manage the interview. Fuck. I did it, but I was at the interview wired on caffeine and struggling to be awake and coherent. I still managed, that’s what I do, I make do and try to do well regardless of the situation.

That comes from being ill btw, when you’re dealt a shitty hand you learn to play it well.

They were good guys, the heads all knew what they were on about, not the middle management bs I was used to.

They demoed me live with an ng1 test, which was awesome as hell to play with.

We chatted, friendly and cool guys! I loved the place.

The end of the week they got me in for second round. Ng2 and competence test, again I went for it!

Positive feedback and a “we’ll get back to you ASAP, should be by Tuesday”...

Tuesday was the Tuesday before the Friday I was due to leave the old company... I was cutting it close.

On the Monday the offers started rolling in, a few C# ASP MVC positions, cool but I was holding out for the guys I’d interviewed with.

Then Tuesday comes around, I’m nervous as fuck but it’s okay because I knew regardless I can pay the rent in December with one of the offers.

Then said yes!

The thing that seemed most important in the process was my ability to talk to any fucker. If you’re coming up to interview, talk to everyone, the grocer, your barista, the binmen, anyone. Practice that skill above all others.

I start tomorrow morning! I can’t wait.

Final thought: middle managers are taints.

If you're going to host a Women in Tech Breakfast, there needs to be more than one samovar of coffee (even if it's being constantly refilled). Clearly the hosts have no experience in distributed computing.

Current list of developer skills:

* Can find 3rd or 4th best solution to most problems

* Easily ready to accept blame for anything to save time since it's likely my fault anyway

* Caffeine addiction only enough to make you worry, not intervene

* Can explain how JavaScript DOESN'T work, thus getting us both closer to understanding how it does

* Only choke on parts of presentations that aren't critically important, like minor details and Q&A

* Good at smack talking other languages I also don't know how to use

* can make a mean gumbo

Are 4 cups of coffee ☕ to many for a day? Thinking to drink tea to do not abuse of coffee...

!rant
I've lost all fucking motivation to do anything at the moment.
Fuck not even gaming is much fun anymore.
Also amazing that I have so little time on Mondays that I can't even eat properly.
Literally living on caffeine, a spoonful of, like, porridge and water on Mondays.

And of course the nice bistro is closed on Mondays.
Then there is that motherfucker of person at school that just randomly starts sharing weird ass details with you and promptly started to break out in tears when she failed maths today.

Like fucking hell, then for some reason the same person fucks up everything in her volleyball group by literally doing nothing and complains when she gets hit by a fucking volleyball, like, she doesn't even attempt to dodge it catch it.

So much for that fuckery.

Then there's these little brats that just completely play asshole and are being jackasses to everyone including upperclassmen and teachers.
Grab em by the throat and fucking put them in a toilet.
Literally the reason why our school is generally known as the 'Drecksloch', literally dirt hole.

The fucking volume is driving me batshit insane in school to the point where I just start yelling at people.
Fucking kids, it literally doesn't cost you shit to just shut the fuck up.

Okay, vent over.
Sorry for that.

I've been working on a proof of concept for my thesis for a few days and the async query calls drove me nuts for quite a while. I finally managed to deliver all query results asynchronously while still very much relying on a strong architectural design pattern. I am filled with caffeine, joy and a sense of pride and accomplishment.

So I started writing a real time digital signal processing library in C++. Caffeine ♥️

Tea 🍵 and coffee ☕️ all day and night lol

Made caffeine consumption personal record today. 11 cups of coffee (11*250ml = 2750ml). In each 250ml there's around 100mg of caffeine. 1100mg of caffeine in one day. Huh. Not bad. Yes, I am still alive and I feel so good.

Caffeine 🥰

I just watched this documentary called "take your pills" and seeing the weird programmer they interviewed I got curious about how many DevRanters use Addy as a coding booster? Would you consider it just a normal performance enhancer like caffeine? Have you tried it?

I've only noticed coffee heads like myself here and I was wondering if some of the people that aren't are against the use of Adderall too.

I'd love to hear some thoughts on the subject.

-music
-caffeine
-dark theme
-stack overflow

Some advice:
- Be careful with the snack;
- Be moderated with your daily dose of caffeine
- And please, please comment your code even you will not know what were you thinking about when you wrote that 500 line method

I might die because of caffeine

My mom bought my very Italian boyfriend an espresso maker for his birthday. He bought the best Italian espresso grounds he could find here in Germany, and we just had a cup at 10pm (our sleep schedules are fucked up).

I've had a lot of coffee and a lot of espresso in my life, but right now I feel like if I jumped hard enough I could fucking fly. I feel like bashing my head through my computer screen for no particular reason. I feel like I could divide by zero and be OK.

Holy shit you Italians are fucking crazy.

So, I wasn't invited to the caffeine-and-sugar-back-patting orgy (4+ hour meeting, I kid you not), despite the fact I've poured a shitastical amount of time and energy into the stuff they were talking about, and I actually accomplished a lot of useful stuff too (not that they would know, most (including the boss) have shown little to no interest)...

Telling it like it is, which I did at previous occasions, would probably have ruined all the positive energy.

Oh, am I glad I'm quitting (I got a new, better job at a company that seems to know what they're doing).

'ate Mondays
'ate standups
'ate node (not racist just don't like et)

luv me caffeine
luv me music
luv devrant

simple as

Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code. 🍵

I'm not addicted to caffein. Caffein is addicted to me.

Here is a fun alternate history question:
If caffeine didn't exist...

My guess:
Cocaine

Oh hello there, caffeine deprivation headache

Fuuuuuuu̵u̢u̶u̢ųu͡u̡̨u̢̨̢u̷̸u̵U͊̆ͯ̈́̌̂ͥͫ̓̄ͮ̏ͤ̀̑̔̈́̍́͏̛̹̗̬̥̯̱̜͎̼̲̤͔͍̪̰͙͈̮Ų̷̻͙̥͇̘̘͎̝̤̭ͭ̄ͧͭ̀͜ͅͅU͂̔ͭ͆ͤ̓ͥͨ̅̾ͪ͏̜̤̤͔̳̠͖͈̠̜̤̹̟͚̰̯̬͜ͅƯ̸̢̪͕̼̞̒͆ͮ͗͌̒̚͢Ų̨̐̑ͥ̚͘͟͏̰̱͈̯͍̩̝Ů̴̴̸̺̥̮͓̺̖̟̐͐̔̃̐ͯ̓ͪ͗͒̍̑̀͠ͅU̡͆ͩ̾̇̉̐̉͌͝҉̞̠̗̙̱͎͈͇U̅͌ͤ̿͑̐̚҉҉̩̟̫̻Ư̜̻͈̰̘̦̩̮͔̣̝̝̤̐̍̇̽̑̆ͤ̌ͭͨ̓̋̐́ͨ̒̾̾͘͢Ų̨̙̟̤̬͎̣̠̖͐̆̑͋̔̑̈́̐̆̿̔ͦ̀ͪͮ̇̐̕͜Ŭ̡̗͖̹͚̯̙͕͌͑̂͛͜͝Ṷ̷̦͍̹̹̙͋͗ͩ͂͜U̧̩͚̻͈̰̱̺̩̤͐ͪ̊͋̎̓̌͛̽ͥ̓̏̎̾̑͛̀͜ͅ

Overdosing on caffeine every 1-3 days

Maybe nicotine too but that's up to you

Lesson Learnt..
Never make decisions when lacking sleep and caffeine as well. I nuked my HDD today morning around 3 am, I got another reason to do a fresh start btw.

Drugs, caffeine abuse and the thought of money.

When you start looking around for your glasses and realize you're already wearing them.

After long hours of intensive coding and no caffeine, goto bed because u realise it's 2AM. Wake up next day, look back at the came code, "what the hell was I tryin to do!"

I am this die hard fan of  House, MD. A medical Based Drama TV series.

I find soo many similarity between how doctor House diagnosis patients and how we coders debug code.

Why the flying-fuck is there not a similar show for engineers?

Where engineer is followed closes as he debugs a problem? And saves the day?

Why god why.

I just pray for this miracle to happen.

(To start with Dr.House abused vicodin, we coders abuse caffeine and sudo chmod 777 :P )

Just came out of an internship interview with the CEO of the company, who's a computer graduate apart from being an MBA guy.

Few things bother me as to whether to join them or not?

1. He's scared of GIT.
-He's asked me not to use git because that will make the code public.

2. He's asked me not to use bootstrap.
-He's afraid it'll be a copyright violation.

3. Asked me to develop ERP/CRM for the company.
- I'll be the sole developer on the thing, developing a whole CRM with Project Management System. And the internship is "almost" unpaid. Almost because, they are willing to pay an amount equal to what I spend on my monthly caffeine drinks.

I'm in a rut whether to join this company or not, as this is don't see any learning here (being the sole developer). I'll be doing what I've been doing for years (develope a Web app) but for a fraction of what I get from freelancing.

But, I'd love a internship certificate to show at the campus placements later this year.

Help!

I tried LSD yesterday!

Backstory: I have a weird combo of bipolar type 1 and autism. During the day, my brain works inconsistently. Here how my day usually goes:
09:00. I wake up. Uninterested, cold, masculine. No thoughts in the background. No OCD.
12:00. Brain warms up. Thought process begins. Thoughts are short in their length
14:00. Thoughts start to get longer. Stress starts to accumulate. Background thoughts start, now typically 2–3 at a time.
16:00. Twitching begins. Thought chains are now 5–6 concepts long, one following the other. Perception level rises quickly. I start to feel more feminine. It is in this state that I start to spot imperfections and mistakes looking at code or text without reading it. I see it like a painting, and mistakes appear as “visually wrong” parts. This does not depend on formatting.
17:00. OCD becomes more severe. I HAVE to touch all the surfaces around me, evenly, as if my hands were text highlighters, and I had to paint everything evenly, without overlaps or spots that are brighter or darker than the others. Some surface textures become irritating, and feel quite unpleasant to the touch. If I go for a run now, like 3 km or so, I feel somewhat relieved.
18:00. Things are getting serious. Creativity levels through the roof. I speak in long, never-ending, profound sentences. Background and foreground thoughts almost become one. I appear visually drunk and happy, despite never drinking alcohol. Femininity rises even further. Sometimes, when I speak to a small group of people, especially if I go with friends to meet new people, and we go to some bar, new people ask to record my voice or to write down whatever I’m saying. To be honest, this reason alone is a huge boost to how I see yourself.
19:00. OCD is crazy now. Surfaces have soul.
21:00 <— Gotta take my meds and go to sleep here to prevent what comes at 22:00
22:00. All thoughts, both foreground and background, fully became one. Now my brain officially disobeys me and thinks on its own, and I can ride it like a surfer at best. Twitching becomes concerning. I develop a 1000-yard stare. I am officially a female. Physical strength is somewhat enhanced. Pain tolerance lowered significantly.
23:00. Derealization begins. The world around me appears two-dimensional and flat, like a picture. It is hard to get home on foot, even in close (less than one km) proximity. Brain is fully numb. All that thought monstrosity that was building up is just noise now. Zero “flops” available to think about something I want to think about, like how much money I have on me or what time it is.

I go to sleep. I see nightmares. I wake up, and the cycle repeats.

Contrary to a popular opinion, I never take any “brain-boosting” meds like antidepressants, and I think now you can see why. I consume neither alcohol nor caffeine. Neither me, nor my doctors want my brain to explode. I only take lamotrigine that helps to “lower down” mania, and quetiapine, a neuroleptic, that slows down my brain, like a neuroleptic. Both are there to slow down my brain, to kinda “throttle” my brain like a CPU to cool it down.

That said, 100ug of LSD just… brought me my usual 18:00 state, but in the morning?

All that small-dose recreational ordeal? The thing that helps people feel more energetic and creative?

People pay money… for that? To feel the way I feel every evening?

too much caffeine will not kill you

Ah, developers, the unsung heroes of caffeine-fueled coding marathons and keyboard clacking symphonies! These mystical beings have a way of turning coffee and pizza into lines of code that somehow make the world go 'round.

Have you ever seen a developer in their natural habitat? They huddle in dimly lit rooms, surrounded by monitors glowing like magic crystals. Their battle cries of "It works on my machine!" echo through the corridors, as they summon the mighty powers of Stack Overflow and Google to conquer bugs and errors.

And let's talk about the coffee addiction – it's like they believe caffeine is the elixir of code immortality. The way they guard their mugs, you'd think it's the Holy Grail. In fact, a developer without coffee is like a computer without RAM – it just doesn't function properly.

But don't let their nerdy exteriors fool you. Deep down, they're dreamers. They dream of a world where every line of code is bug-free and every user is happy. A world where the boss understands what "just one more line of code" really means.

Speaking of bosses, developers have a unique ability to turn simple requests into complex projects. "Can you make a small tweak?" the boss asks innocently. And the developer replies, "Sure, it's just a minor change," while mentally calculating the time it'll take and the potential for scope creep.

Let's not forget their passion for acronyms. TLA (Three-Letter Acronym) is their second language. API, CSS, HTML, PHP, SQL... it's like they're playing a never-ending game of Scrabble with abbreviations.

And documentation? Well, that's their arch-nemesis. It's as if writing clear instructions is harder than debugging quantum mechanics. "The code is self-explanatory," they claim, leaving everyone else scratching their heads.

In the end, developers are a quirky bunch, but we love them for it. Their quirks and peculiarities are what make them the creative, brilliant minds that power our digital world. So here's to developers, the masters of logic and the wizards of the virtual realm!

Recently did a food intolerance IgG test and turns out I am dairy intolerant. Fcking dairy intolerance might have been the reason for all that fatigue and massive migraines which I had for the past few years. Cutting out all of it and hopefully that will improve my health in the next few weeks. Previously I tried lots of other shit (changing habits, leaving stressful work environment, fixing sleep patterns, cutting caffeine smoking alcohol you name it) and turned to this test as a last resort.

was never a fan of caffeine/coffee, neither knew its importance then i started night shift. Now i am like "all hail coffee"

Here we go, classes are starting again tommorow, tried to do most of the things on holiday, delegated school project stuff to the project members and made a planning with them...
and still nothing happend on their part in a timespan of 2 weeks and the deadline is in 5 days and A FUCK LOAD OF STUFF STILL HAS TO BE DONE AKA I guess I have to do their part too in 5 days..
*going into caffeine induced rage insane mode for 5 days*

The bathroom breaks caused by coffee intake...

By working from home, in my morning robe, jacked up on lethal doses of caffeine, blasting the latest glass cloud album.

I have to comment, how the fuck do you guys stay up so late and work for so long into the night? It doesn't matter how much caffeine is in my system, my productivity eventually just reaches absolute zero and I can't go on without sleep. And that's being awake for like, 18 hours. At most! I'm frankly kind of jealous.

But hey, if you are that type, just remember sleep is just as important as food and water. If you've been up more than a day, it's probably time for bed. Your brain will thank you. :) </psa>

Our new "rubber duck".
Debugging got so much easier.

!rant

Yet to meet a dev who is a health nut. The code of the world is built on caffeine, fast food, and snacks as far as I know.

Honestly ! How many mugs of caffeine U get each day ?!
(Just wanna make sure i'm not indulging :) )

Yesterday, I started a new job yesterday (yay!), and all of us new employees have gotten a laptop and a docking station.
Today, I was standing by the coffee machine, chatting with a fellow dev about different kinds of automation and efficiency techniques , when he suggested swapping-out coffee for caffeine pills, as a means to promote efficiency.
I immediately suggested we use the mouse as a docking station through which caffeine is pumped directly into the bloodstream, as a means to promote automation :)

Without caffeine ➞ me ⩶ useless
With caffeine ➞ anxiety++

Btw I don't drink 10 liters / 2.6 gallons of coffee everyday or anything, just a small latte does the trick ..

Stupid !
Just 1 cup of cappaccino can make me stay awake the whole night :/
2 nights no sleep , not gonna get anymore caffeine tonight !

Great things aren't developed in one day and night with excessive caffeine​ and hard work. They are developed in many days and many nights with excessive caffeine and hard work.

Caffeine is life

Standing desk/caffeine dispenser

I need to get some caffeine #lateNights

*Arrives at office* First and only thought is : "caffeine—immediately"

Am I the only one that comes to the sad realization that if I wanna have a happy and healthy lifestyle I have to sleep a lot and avoid caffeine and do exercise on a daily basis and, on the other hand, if I wanna do all the things I'd like to do concerning software development (and hold a regular job) I have to sacrifice sleep, exercise and switch water to coffee?

You know your office is cool when they stock Baja Blast and Pitch Black.

Wait this is crazy!
Well I'm not an anxious or depressed type.
But no melatonin pill = no sleep
Worst part is no sleep during the day cause of sun light.

Even taking pills won't guarantee my sleep .
Yes I told my doc and he said "just relax , limit your caffeine "

Have you experienced this?

Up at 04:30 tomorrow for a site deploy.
Help me caffeine, you're my only hope.

Need two needles, two infusion hoses and 5 - 10 l of coffee.

The blood must go, the caffeine get in instead.

And yeah. This sounds fantastical in my brain right now, as I'm literally drooling half asleep in front of the PC.

It's 16 o clock in germany and I have gotten done nothing.

And I think I should put on some baby bips or the keyboard fries from drool.

Have been working on my project recently, bug fixing, aws configuring, containing the app, etc, etc. I've been sleeping close to 5hrs on average per day, juggling college finals, work, training and project labour, my activity here has been minimal but I figured some people might be going through the same and I wanted to share my last resource dev weapon...the jet fuel of dev fuels imo...DW coffee

I strongly recommend to use it in dire times (not a promo this thing got me through 13 hours of coding straight)

Most hours of work at once?
A coworker and I did an allnighter because our boss gave us a tight fucking deadline (luckily that almost never happens).
We started normal work at 06:30 and were finisted at 09:30 the next day. Summed up break time: 1h 15m.
I remember that my coworker went home after that but fell asleep in the train and woke up 2 hours later half across the country. Poor soul.
When he left, my boss just arrived in the office and I had to stay 2 hours longer to fix bugs we implemented during our caffeine overdose...

It later turned out that the whole mess was useless, because the client put the project on hold. That was about 8 months ago, or 12, I don't even remember.

I've been awake 40 hours now... I do need to finish this site ... I do not have much brain capacity left but I know it like the back of my hand ..

I dunno if I should sleep or 🤔 finish it ... Currently crashing sugar low no caffeine so 😐 I need to be up in two hours anyway

The traits that compile to form a programmer

-Not good at naming things

-People started asking for you to fix electronics regardless of what you tell them You’re actually studying/good at

-Procrastination through the roof

-Lives off of Coffee, POP, Energy drinks, or what ever source of caffeine.

restocking for the long day

Okay so this is my first desk job. I'm experiencing some personal issues and wondering if they are normal, what you do to combat them, etc.

First of all, some days, I literally almost fall asleep on the job. Caffeine doesn't work much. I know it's just my sleep schedule but what should I do in this situation? What if I actually do fall asleep?

Secondly, I'm finding that my productivity only exists in bursts. I'll do three hours of work in 10 minutes, and then 10 minutes of work in three hours. I can't just catch a stride. How do I become more consistently productive? Should I be more consistent?

My legs hurt. Sitting all day is not for me. I guess this is more situation to situation, and I do walk almost 6k steps a day on my breaks, but it really doesn't feel great most of the day.

New coffee machines at work. Real beans! What's the equivalent of the Ballmer Peak for Caffeine? Posting this at 4.04am, lying awake in bed and not coding, I'm probably past it.. sleep not found

!rant
Launch time wish me luck!

Caffeine in bulk.
(+ agar)

Frienship with coffe ended!
Now Mate tea is my source of caffeine!

Does devRant come in a liquid form? Because i consume it with my coffee every day...

1. Putting bits in proper places is fun
2. It's cool to translate curiosity and caffeine into money
3. Coding is modern-day magic in many ways

When writing my term paper.
Did some caffeine and teeine fueled rage C++ coding.
Codes over the day and night.
On a sunday until moday morning at 5.
Started way to late.
Fucked it up.

when life gives you free coffee
go out in a caffeine coma

My most productive is honestly when I'm on a caffeine high (my personal favorite is a 24oz NOS). I have pulled all-nighters. Accidentally.

But getting INTO the mood for programming is simple and kinda embarrassing. I get excited by seeing programming keywords in real life. For example, at a job I worked at, there was a whiteboard what had the word "include" on it forever. Not about programming at all. But every time I saw it I was reminded of c/c++ and it made me wanna do some code. I don't know why I'm like this.

I thought other people were weak for having to rely on coffee to be productive. God I was wrong. Now I am the worst caffeine addict in the office.

The coffee/food room on my floor is absurd.

On day, the Keurig machines, microwave oven and convection oven all disappeared. Turns out they were owned by some employees and when they moved to an other floor they took their stuff with them.

In the caffeine-deprived panic that ensued, a bunch of other employees pooled together some money and went across the street to purchase new applicances.

They now charge us 5¢ for each packet of sugar or milk/cream cup. And they announced it with a passive-aggressive poster with an angry dog on it.

Last week I was studying Cocos2d-python, I had been awake for something like 35 hours, kept alive by cocacola and coffee, and while debugging I started to hear my rubber ducks talking, I've written their instructions on a blackboard, and now I'm working on that project...

And I was there like everything was normal, I had more caffeine and sugar in my body than water, I remember clearly saying "thanks weird talking duck!"

Am a programmer who loves long nights, inherrited a caffeine intollerance, fml

So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)

Quitting nicotine and caffeine and all the letters on the screen are fucked up. How have I made it this far without killing myself? Nobody actually wants to be around me anymore and I’m haunted by my isolation. Fading skills and fading life force.

Cappuccino, Espresso, Espresso Doppio, Latte Macchiato...
Oh just basically caffeine... Makes the code more shiny!

Caffeine. 'Nuff said.

Pulled off 7 people group project all alone last night. Call me god. Thanks.

BRB, gonna inject some pure caffeine in my veins.

My new best friend. 😴

Are there any fellow devranters who have shitty working memory and have trouble focusing? Basically people who have ADHD/ADD? I got into programming because I love solving problems and am able to hyperfocus for weeks on projects, but outside of work life seems to be a mess :/ Can't even remember simple facts if they don't interest me (don't have that much dopamine).

Could you share some advices on how you managed to treat ADHD/ADD or basically improve your memory?

I mean there is the obvious: sleep, exercise, good nutrition (cutting out dairy, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, smoking).

But maybe there are other ways to do this without using drugs such as ritalin/concerta?

How do I get in the coding zone 🤔 I get buzzed off my tits with caffeine then loud music and code all night

Thought that's how we all do it

caffeine!

1. start up my monitors, have one monitor streaming news while the other one is browsing devRant.

2. drink an ungodly amount of caffeine

3. crash so hard that I have an excuse not to code and go back to bed.

When you spend an hour debugging why an API call isn't working and find out YOU MADE A FUCKING TYPO! FUCK YOU ANALYSIS IS A STUPID WORD ANYWAY

No more coffee.. I'm addicted to caffeine.. ☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...

So I can guzzle like 6-8 cups of coffee a day, should I be worried about the caffeine or the sugar? 🤔

!dev... no coffee in the office 😭😭😭

My body is begging me to sleep, but there is so much caffeine in my blood that brain is not letting me to do so....

Got into work. 2 hours worth of meetings without my daily caffeine. Trying to decide if I am cranky or people really are this stupid.

Today another developer recommends to me change coffe to a green apple and green apple juice today i transform green apples into code... lol.

Nicotine and caffeine. Oh and endless loop of relaxing jazz music from youtube

Huzzah 2018!
A caffeine-powered new year to all of you.

Anyone else drink Monster (energy drink!) as his/her caffeine source?

When I'm about to start a late night coding session I like to brew a pot of green tea. In theory there is less caffeine than coffee.

There shall always be coffee and no releases on a Friday! #MyExecutiveOrder

Sitting here coding a new API with "Ride of the Valkyries" blasting in my headphones. Good times. be right back, getting more caffeine

We Developers Are Organisms That Covert Caffeine into Code ☕

How many of you are Caffeine Addicted?

Why is caffeine so popular among the coders?

Caffeine makes me tired lately. Anyone else?

Someone just left a small turd in front of the toilet bowl and stepped on it so now there's smeared shit on the floor tiles in a toilet stall.

Must be all the caffeine I guess.
Oh, and don't stand up too fast after taking a shit apparently, since I can't fathom how that happened.

Caffeine and depression

With a large caffeine high and an all day techno stream, I’ve managed to finally “get” docker after 4 years working with it

Tea vs Coffee war solved : drink coffee and pour caffeine powder in tea.

Add milk for the taste.

It is 10:54 on a Monday and I have not had a Monster because my drug deal- um doctor, told me off for drinking it (not good for anxiety etc). This shit is tough...

Sometimes, at least once or twice during the month my body just fucking breaks. Right now for example I can't sleep and I am beyond fucking tired. This is going to hurt bad once I eventually pass out but feel the weird pain that I get from going sleepless for 2 fucking nights.

I work out like a motherfucker in order to get tired. Every fucking day I land on the gym(monday to Thursdays and Friday I take it easy with saturday and sunday rest) i run 3 to 4 miles just to get tired enough.

But not this week. Have not been able to sleep since friday for more than 4 hours.

Why am I this fucking way? I am far too young to be fucking around this way. My caffeine intake is close to null.

Fuck me I just want to sleep.

Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.

Drink a nice, cold Dr. Pepper. Caffeine to code

When friends ask me to do some coding...

Them: I want/need this and that and... [trillions of features and "cool" stuffs]

Me: ...okay

Them: Oh and this and that and [more "cool" stuff]

Me: Alright.. when do you need it?

Them: something around a week?

Is it just me or does everyone -not- accustomed to coding think that projects are usually done in a few days...?

Maybe the common opinion about coders is something like: They aren't humans, they are machines which convert caffeine during night time to source code

Learn how much caffeine you can take daily, use that up.

Need. More. Coffee.

if(devin->isAwake && time->isMorning){

caffeine++;
motivation--;

}

Who needs caffeine to amp you up for coding when you have devRant

I'm 17 and I already have a coffee problem!! I drink 5 to 6 cups of coffee a day!! I need to slow down..

Devs;
Coffee or no Coffee?

How many shots a day?

Opinions on how coffee should be used?

when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee

I don't take caffeine. I'm a special snowflake. (But I drink tea, energy drinks, soda and shit)

!dev

Monster Hydro sucks. Why did I think it would be a good idea to try this instead of an actual Monster?

week two of first internship and just discovered the lifesaver that is caffeine. bless

The first time I tried "sudo apt install caffeine" and realized there was a repo I got excited. And then promptly disappointed that no coffee mug showed up...

I need to add new feature into the program which I wrote years ago so I start digging up the source code. The project is written in a language which I no longer code in.

That code is really poorly written with most of them don't have tests. I also find out that previous self is really a genius since he can keep track of huge project with almost no documentation.

To make matter worst, there are unused components (class,feature) in the source code. "Current me" have a policy of "just adding only a feature you need and remove unused feature" but it seem the "previous me" don't agree with the "current me".

The previous me also have the habit of using writing insane logic. I can remember what particular class and methods is doing but I can't figure out the details.

For example one method only have 5 line of code but it is very hard to figure out what those do.

The saving grace is that he know the important for method signature and using immutable data structure everywhere.

I was under the influence of caffeine and have a constant sleep deprivation at the time (only sleeping about 4 hour every day) so I can't blame him too hard.

I can't blame him too hard, right?

Could someone invent a time machine already? Invent time machine not to save the world but to save the developers from himself.

I love caffeeine,
I love caffeine,
feen feen feen for the caffeine

I wrote me some crappy bogus code,
my boredom was ready to overload,
I popped a monster and now everything flows,

i love caffeine

VOL:100 + EDM > caffeine

"Courier tracking websites - the thrill of refreshing for 'real-time' updates, deciphering error messages, and navigating through a UI designed by a caffeine-fueled coder on a psychedelic trip. It's like playing hide-and-seek with my package! Can we please simplify and speed up this tracking game, dear coding wizards?"

When you realize that commands like :wq / :q! / :x aren't getting you anywhere because you're in sublime not vim. I've begun my descent into a vim fan boy...