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Search - "onions"
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The programmer and the interns part 3.
Many of you asked me to keep posting about the interns that I'm responsible for.
I had the intention but never had the time or the energy. Since the interns only kept doing stupid, unthinkable things and just filtering out the good ones is a task of its own.
Time has passed, some interns left us by their choice, others were fired (for obvious reasons). Some stayed loyal and were given permanent positions. New ones joined. I no longer am directly responsible for their wellbeing, yet, somehow I am still their tech-lead and the developer of their tools.
Without further delay,
Case 0:
New guy get's into the internship, has his LinkedIn title set to ‘HTML Technician’.
Didn’t know about the existence of HTML5.
Been building static web pages in the early 2000s. The kind with embedded, inline CSS.
Claims that he is about to finish an engineering degree (sadly I believe him).
Fails the entry level Linux test. Complains about the similarity of the answer options.
Fails the basic web-standars test because "they change so fast, but the foundation is HTML and it's rock-solid!".
Get's caught taking home onions and milk from the kitchen.
Is spotted eating in a restaurant under our offices in his day off. Thrice. He lives a 30 minute drive away and comes here on a bicycle or by bus.
Apparently didn't know that the scrolling wheel on the mouse is clickable.
Said that his PC experience is mostly from his PlayStation (PC = PlayCtation apparently).
Get's fired, says that he'll go to the press. Never does.
Case 1:
Yet another new intern. He seems very eager to learn and work, capable, even charismatic. Has an impressive CV.
Does nothing.
Learns from the "case 0" guy and spends time with him until he is fired.
Comes to work at 8:00 AM and immediately goes to sleep on an office puff. In front of everyone.
Keeps dining alone, without a notice, at different times, for hours. Sometimes brings food into the office and loudly eats it there.
On his evening shifts keeps disappearing for long periods of time. Apparently drinking in the nearby bars and hitting on girls.
Keeps bragging about his success with getting their numbers and rants about those who reject him.
For over a year he fails his final training test and remains a trainee, without the ability to work on a real case.
Not fired yet.
Case 2:
Company retreat. Beautiful, exotic views, warm sun beams, all inclusive package for everyone on a huge half-island.
Simon (he's still with us, now as a true engineer!) brings his MacBook to the beach in order to work and impress all others.
Everybody get's drunk and start throwing huge inflatable balls at each other. One hits his laptop and it immediately is flattened.
Upset Simon is going in circles and ranting about the situation, looking for a solution.
Loses his phone on the beach.
Takes his broken laptop with him while searching for the phone.
Dips the laptop in the river while drunkenly ducking in order to pick a clam.
Case 3:
Still company retreat.
Drunk intern makes out with an employee's drunk wife.
Huge verbal fight. The husband says that he files for a divorce. Intern get's fired.
Case 4:
Still company retreat.
Three interns each take an inflatable swimming mattress and drift with the current. Get found on the other side of the resort three hours later, with red skin and severely dehydrated.
Case 5:
Still company retreat.
The 'informally fired' intern gets drunk again, climbs through a window into a room and makes out with an employee's drunk wife.
Again, gets caught when the husband returns to find a locked door but can see them though the window.
Case 6:
Still company retreat.
We all get ferociously drunk and wander off to the unknown in search of more booze.
Everybody does something stupid and somebody finds Simon's phone.
Simon is lost.
Frenzied horde of drunks is roaming the half-island in search of ethanol and the lost comrade.
Simon's phone get's permanently lost.
Five people step on sea urchins but find that out only hours later and then are unable to walk.
The mob, now including more drunk people who joined voluntarily, finds the sexually active intern making out with the enraged employee's wife yet again.
Surprisingly Simon is found sleeping in a room nearby.24 -
Clickbait will never change.
It's the most stable and constant source of mild annoyance.
2019 internet:
"These 3 programming languages will net you the highest salary"
"Ten home improvement tips using nothing but recycled underwear"
"How to cut onions like a real chef"
2020 internet:
"3 programming languages to learn while being bored in self-quarantine"
"Ten ways to use underwear as facemasks during the pandemic"
"Onions might cure corona, click here to learn how to cut them"
2030 internet:
"These 3 programming languages will increase your chances of survival in the wastelands"
"Ten ways to patch up your shelter against radioactive ashes using old underpants"
"Hydroponic onions are a good source of nutrients. Here's how you cut them with your camping knife"13 -
I crashed the McDonald's self serve kiosk application. All I did was tap on "edit" so I could remove onions from one of the meals.... I then walked away and didn't tell anyone, because lol.5
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Last night I met up with some old colleagues for food and drinks to have a catchup. Things have been stressful in work, was great to get out and have a bit of a rant and just relax ... until I saw the menu.
Hamburger:
xyz dressing / sauce, crispy onions ... and cheddar cheese.
That sir, is a fucking cheese burger, and just piss poor documentation. How have you managed to stay in business with such misleading information and false advertisements in your menu.
Thank you for ruing my evening!6 -
Me:-Will you be my valentine??? ;)
Girl:- No way....👹
Me:- sudo will you be my valentine 😎
Girl:- yes...yes..yes lets go❤️😍11 -
How to become a hacker😎
1.Go to the store get a black hoodie, wear it and go infront of the PC.
2.Turn on the PC with WINDOWS😂
3.Change cmd font colour to green.
4.Type the following code in cmd.
ping 192.168.1.1 -c 9999999
5.OK now do that in again and again in 2-3 terminals.Now your desktop is full with black and green😋.
5.Take some pics of it and upload stories😍.
6.OK now your a HACKER😎10 -
I am so sick of the stupidity and illogical reasoning of clients.
Client: Descriptions are no longer syncing. Can you please fix.
Me: Problem fixed and deployed.
Client: All the descriptions got overwritten by the sync descriptions. Can you please have manual uploads overwrite the descriptions that sync (but basically auto guess what the client wants). We may need a toggle.
Me: Toggle added.
Client: Can you go through the 100+ sites backups and restore all the product descriptions?
It's like are you serious right now!!??
Back to the cheeseburger concept here...
Client: Can I have a cheeseburger (comes with pickles, onions, tomatoes, lettuce), no pickles. A Coke? Oh, but I would like pickles on my cheeseburger.
Tender: Here is your order.
Client: Why did you put pickles on this!!?? I asked for NO pickles!
Tender: You added pickles towards the end, so we put the pickles in.
Client: No! I thought you would have known based off of my original statement that I asked for a cheeseburger with no pickles. That is the override!
Narrator: See how illogical things can get. We can't just assume/guess based off of illogical reasoning.3 -
Just try to learn alone.Get fucked up,try to find the solution alone, you'll become a good programmer with a huge amount of knowledge that u can't even imagine.❤️5
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TIL:
- AWK was based on egrep, and the idea was borrowed from sed - an extended sed of sorts
- My cat really loves green onions. She's chewing on her third as I write this.
What an interesting day, full of curious discoveries.
/random1 -
You know what really cheeses my onions? When people write their code in a foreign language, say French or Spanish, and then come to me asking why it doesn’t work. Like, mate, how you expect me to be able to make sense of your code if your variable naming is totally foreign? And it looks horridly out of place to boot.
Moral of the story: Write your code in English and save us the headache.2 -
Tender beef slices are cooked in a delicious, thick broth and served over chewy wheat noodles to create the hearty and tasty Taiwanese Beef Noodles meal. Garlic, ginger, green onions, soy sauce, and rice wine, along with other savory ingredients, infuse the broth with a depth of flavor that is gratifying and soothing. This meal, which can be served with optional garnishes such pickled mustard greens, bok choy, cilantro, and chile oil, is a mainstay of Taiwanese cooking and is renowned for its hearty flavor and comforting attributes.2
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My in-laws seem allergic to keeping fruit on the fridge. In a 40° heat. No wonder half the fruit are spoiled by next morning.
My algorithm for storing produce:
Is it fresh produce? => (No) use another algo. (X)
Is it potatoes or onions? => (Yes) put it in a bowl in a closet (X)
::: Put it all in the fridge, dammit.