Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple APILearn More
Search - "this is cursed"
My biggest dev blunder. I haven't told a single soul about this, until now.
So, I was working as a full stack dev at a small consulting company. By this time I had about 3 years of experience and started to get pretty comfortable with my tools and the systems I worked with.
I was the person in charge of a system dealing with interactions between people in different roles. Some of this data could be sensitive in nature and users had a legal right to have data permanently removed from our system. In this case it meant remoting into the production database server and manually issuing DELETE statements against the db. Ugh.
As soon as my brain finishes processing the request to venture into that binary minefield and perform rocket surgery on that cursed database my sympathetic nervous system goes into high alert, palms sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.
Alright. Let's do this the safe way. I write the statements needed and do a test run on my machine. Works like a charm 😎
Time to get this over with. I remote into the server. I paste the code into Microsoft SQL Server Management Studio. I read through the code again and again and again. It's solid. I hit run.
Wait. I ran it?
With the IDs from my local run?
I stare at the confirmation message: "Nice job dude, you just deleted some stuff. Cool. See ya. - Your old pal SQL Server".
What did I just delete? What ramifications will this have? Am I sweating? My life is over. Fuck! Think, think, think.
You're a professional. Handle it like one, goddammit.
I think about doing a rollback but the server dudes are even more incompetent than me and we'd lose all the transactions that occurred after my little slip. No, that won't fly.
I do the only sensible thing: I run the statements again with the correct IDs, disconnect my remote session, and BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP FOREVER.
I tell no one. The next few days I await some kind of bug report or maybe a SWAT team. Days pass. Nothing. My anxiety slowly dissipates. That fateful day fades into oblivion and I feel confident my secret will die with me. Cool ¯\_(ツ)_/¯13
"Arch Linux is actually not that difficult".
I ssh'ed into my home server yesterday.
I was greeted by a message from an ext3 disk about needing fsck. Fine, "I haven't been in here for a while, might as well do some maintenance". fsck /dev/sda6, let's go!
This nicely "repaired" the sshd service (i.e. cleared the sectors), I cursed at myself for pressing enter at "repair (y)" right before the connection broke.
So I connected a display and keyboard... ok so let's just pacman -Sy sshd or whatever. We can do this! Just check the wiki, shouldn't be that hard!
Wait... pacman has not run since 2010? WAIT IT'S ACTUAL UPTIME IS 9 YEARS??? I guess we know why I'm a DB admin and not devops...
Hmm all the mirrors give timeouts? Oh. The i686 processor architecture isn't even supported anymore...?
4 hours, 11 glasses of cognac, 73 Arch32 wiki/forum pages, 2 attempts at compiling glibc, and 4 kernel panics later: "I think I'll buy a new server".18
I was a little too harsh on a colleague today.
He asked to help him get something working... After looking at it for a bit, I asked: "I don't get it, what have you been doing all day? Yesterday we split this element into two separate divs, and it worked perfectly, now I've see you've moved all the styles back to the container and there's only one div. The easiest way to get this to work properly is to simply undo everything you've done today."
He looked at me with puppy eyes and I realized I was too harsh. He wasn't _trying_ to break everything, he just hadn't understood why we split the element into two divs. So I lowered my tone a bit, and explained everything again, from the start, then did it again together with him and made sure he understood the separation.
But I still feel bad for how I talked to him. It's not like I shouted or cursed or anything (and I curse a _lot_ when talking about code). It was just condescending as fuck, and belittling. As if I was mocking him for not being as experienced as I am.
I'll do better next time.8
My parents are real sticklers for who is allowed to be on Netflix. They only let people on when they are present, and they never click 'save password'.
Me being a poor college student and desperate for the Netflix password, created a fake website for one of my parents to sign into.
How did I do this? I created my own localhost server with a backend database for the password to go to. I then copied the Netflix home screen and log in and asked them to log me into their account.
They said I can be on for one hour, and then they were signing me out.
I agreed to these terms.
As a small twist, I had also copied the no internet tab from Chrome for the page to redirect to. Knowing that once they logged in they would be expecting the main UI.
They logged in and then waited for the page to load. I, of course, put in a delay for the page to load and then displayed the no internet tab. They were confused and asked me to refresh, still nothing. I asked them if the router was out, and they went to check.
While they were away I quickly switched back to the real Netflix website and yelled back saying I got it working again. They came back over and saw that it was asking for a password again. They signed in and saw the main homepage and none were the wiser that day.
Once they left I checked inside the DB and found the plaintext password they typed in... The damn password was so simple, I cursed myself for not having figured it out sooner. No matter, I had my parents Netflix password.
So you're probably wondering how they didn't see the URL above and think something was off?
I pressed F11 and fullscreened my entire browser. They did ask, and I simply replied with, I don't like seeing all the crap up above when I'm streaming. No further questions, perhaps I was lucky.15
I'm not sure whether to cry or to burn everything to the ground.
I'm stuck in a rotten, over aged corporate that will one day choke on all the documents and formalism they require. Which is something I'm generally fine with. Each to their own.
But ever since I handed in my resignation they have been fucking me like I have never been gang raped before.
(A little context: I work for a midsize financial institute. Which at least in Germany are full of legacy projects and are regulated as all hell.)
So some fuckwits decided that since the regulator slapped us hard 2 years ago that we need to make up a new standard of documentation that has to be used for all IT-documentation there ever was and ever will be.
So the upper management (the before mention dumb-dumbs) choose some consultant company and locked them up together with the brightest stars (read biggest slime balls) of the IT department in an ivory tower and told them to pull some out the ass.
And one year later (early November last year) they got the shit they ordered. Gilden shit, only the most sparkly and non-sensical bullcrap you could imagine.
But they only looked at it and deemed it good. Now the guys actually in charge of the the applications got served the dish. And guess what they found out when started to dig into? Nothing but contradictions, non-final thoughts and all of that held together by web of retarded, unusable guidelines. But they ate it, they cursed but they swallowed forced by disciplinary punishments waiting should they misbehave.
The only one emerging fact was: All previous documentation was completely invalidated.
But now the mighty lords in the ivory tower guided by the never failing hand of the higher management had the greatest idea of them all. They needed someone to check all the documentation till the end of this year but since they blew all of their budget on useless wankers ( oh, ofc I meant "highly qualified external help") they now preyed on the lowest in the food chain. Which is where this story goes full circle and comes back to me.
I was the lowest rank on the food chain, a student that just handed in his resignation.
I was the first to be locked up in the basement, my co-student followed shortly after.
And now I'm going to spend my last 2 months looking at checklists that we had to pull out of the slime's ass and validating hundreds of thousands of pages of documentation. We get grinded up in the endless hate coming from the guys that we need to tease and are held in position by a wall of sheer idiocy on the side of the rule makers.
Today I cried when I had to tell someone that his magnificent documentation was not standard conform and had thus no longer any meaning or right to exist.
Thanks you for those that made it this far down. I hope you never have to feel my pain.11
I'm very dependent on my sense of smell. I always smell whatever I eat or drink. Because of some stuff about my brain that my doctor told me and I forgot, this sense is very precise.
It's so precise in fact that in a closed room I can tell whether a woman is on her period or not. But we're blessed and we're also cursed – put any kind of paint, nail polish, rotten food, so-called "car perfume" near me and I have a headache until I get a full night of sleep.
Coronavirus however fucked up that feeling. When it initially disappeared I was panicking because I felt like a cat with his whiskers cut off. Now it's back and it's strong as usual, but it's different.
Now I can't eat chicken. No matter if it's fresh or not, if I smell chicken my brain just fucking nopes out and tries to vomit.
Corona sucks. Stay safe.43
I'm so tired.
Got enough sleep but tired nevertheless every day.
Situation in the company isn't helping, would really like to get a review as I'm really close to a 'final' version for productive use, none given.
Didn't think far enough and didn't include various OO-things when starting to program this application, so I had to rewrite lots of it. It certainly got better by the time but as it's a grown structure I'd feel happier if someone other than me had seen and cursed the code.
Coworker that has most experience in C# only once implemented something with multiple threads, couldn't help me there.
Could not test the code yet because the hardware was inaccessible and is now potentially broken.
I really like working independently, nevertheless I feel a little bit lost at sea - I can deal with that, but it's exhausting.
Also, trying to get an answer from the colleague who should act as my supervisor whether or not I can work remotely during a CS related course in the semester break for > 2 weeks now. Course admission is the mid of January so I'd like to have an answer this year so I can repeat the basics I'll need if necessary.
Also, Midterm is coming.
It's a lot of little things piling up right now I wouldn't mind if there were only 1-2 of them.
I'm just so damn tired.
I'll go to sleep now.
(In happy news: my internet connection is working pretty decent now, technician that fucked it up apologized and said that he probably needs glasses, he misread the connection number. :D)4
Alright, time to do some explanation.
Q: where tf are you bruh
A: in your mo-uhhhhh alright, so I was chosen to be the main developer for an interactive promotional video for my school (every year the school holds something called an open day, where kids from 8th grade can come to the school and have a tour in the school first hand. Because of the coronavirus (just gonna call it “the rona” from here) this is now impossible so we are losing the interest and the first impressions so the school decided to make an interactive virtual one). They asked me if I want to do it and I said yes.
Boy, was that ever a mistake... (hint: it was a huge mistake)
So the guy who talked to me and asked if I wanted to do this was my grade’s manager, and he gave me the phone number of my PM. So we talked and stuff, and then this happened: (bruh = PM)
bruh: I’ll send you the API and documentation for the thing that we are working with! They have lots of examples and stuff and they’re Israeli too!
Me: Okay! What language are we talking about here?
Me: (questioning life choices) Okay!
So, what was the objective for me? Build a Firebase client that sends the user’s score and choices to Firestore after he chooses something in the interactive video (for example, go to chemistry or go to physics) while learning JavaScmeme (ECMEMEScript) as I go.
Deadline? A week and a half.
After working almost 12 hours a fucking day, I made it work. Sorta. In order to reconcile with small exceptions and edge cases in the interactive video, I had to hard-code some IDs in the code. I had no choice, since I couldn’t allow myself to spend more and more time to make my code more dynamic than it was because I simply didn’t have time. The code absolutely STINKS but it works.
Today is the day where we (aim) to finish all of the cosmetic things that we need to fix. All of them are non-essential for everything to work, but we want to make this thing presentable because we want to put this on the school’s website.
My best prank: A year ago I was at my friends flat, which he finally rented with his new girlfriend. He is a kind of person, which has like constantly opened 110 tabs in chrome, three or four instances of chrome running, torrenting at full speed and in the meanwhile a few films having opened to "watch" later. He is very very secure about his computer and NEVER leaves me or anyone else alone with his computer. That day we were just talking in the same room, and he goes for some food. I was like yeah thats my chance to prank him. So I opened a new tab and came with an idea - what If I change his desktop background to some random chick, to prank both him and his gf. I knew she will not be mad but his reaction would be priceless (it was his first gf). So I started googling, found a three pretty naked chicks. This was like soft porn, they were still "dressed" but not much. I did not wanted to use a porn for this.
So I was about to download image - right click - save as - little window opened and..
...what the hell, that guy had literally like terabytes of porn in download folder, all totally in one chaos, thousands of images, millions of downloaded videos, all categories just everything from gangbang to milfs or old/ young, what the fuck that computer was like cursed station of porn.
In that point I was like fuck that. This prank has no sense then. So I just closed that little window and did nothing. Prank failed.
Nowdays, He still does not know what I know about his "hobbies". And I will never say him lol. About a months after he broke with his gf and moved to different house. He has now three monitors attached to his computer and 4tb of space. He is still complaining about "lack of space" and "too big downloaded movies" but we all know what is going on lol. We call his "working deck" a sacred porn station.1
My killer PR:
I made a small feature and it was to be merged in my senior's branch.
So I made it, resolved all the conflicts and when it got merged it broke my senior's branch.
This is nothing new and it happens, so me and him sat down and got it working. After two days, his branch got merged and broke it's parent 😂, after investigation my code was the reason, got fixed and merged.
Same thing happened 3 more times, and every time my code was the culprit.
Now for staging we thoroughly tested everything and deployed it, after running for 2 hours the piece of shit broke again 😂😂😂.
A meeting was arranged for scolding the team, and after the meeting the architect comes to me and say "how did you manage to fuck things on so many levels, literally?". I handled it like a pro with an awkward laugh.
We exhaustively checked it for production. Deployed, it did not broke, we were happy. After a month of successful run, I just joked about the above incident while we were working on next release on morning coffee. That cursed thing broke on the same evening. I was like 😮2
am i getting grumpy and old? what the fuck does PRE_ORDER mean to you? you see, i thought it meant i ordered something - and it'd be sent to me on the release date. back in mYyYyyYYyy day - you paid for something, suppliers had it in stock before the release date, and then on release date you would get what you paid for. amazon (of course it's amazon, fuck amazon. fucked me over so many times in the past 2 years) says they dont have my item in stock. then WTF DID I PREORDER IT FOR? to top it off, even though they've been horrible 50% of the time for the past couple years, they offer me $10 off on my "order". ya, sure, okay. nope : $10 off future order. i don't wana fucking order from you! i actively avoid you!
fuck this world. why is everything shit anymore? why can't something just fucking work as fucking in-fucking-tended?
am i cursed? i've been good for a while. it's not karma. complete bs, why bother.4
My power supply project is almost completely done (it's in a working state but still needs some finishing touches) but I procrastinated with it for nearly 2 weeks. The reason being that the next step (making a side panel and soldering some 3600W AC lines to the ones inside of the unit) fucking sucks. I've done that soldering of 4 wires (3 inside lines, 1 coming in from the outside) before, and I honestly can't think of many things that I've cursed and sworn on as frantically as I did on this. This time of course being no different, plus some unstoppable coughing and stuffed nose, just because my body felt like acting up. Can't say that I had a good time.
But that's not really the point of this.. it's more about the procrastination part. It isn't really procrastination as in just being too lazy to get around doing something, is it? It's more like the reluctance to do something that you know is going to suck really bad. And even now I've only quarter-assed it (well probably half-assed, quarter-assed would've been the crocodile wires between the inner and outer AC lines.. just dangling on the floor, waiting for someone to step on.. beautifully dangerous, deadly almost.. just the way I like it :3)... Anyway, how do you get the "umpf" to do something that you really dislike and don't want to do, without waiting for 2 weeks to finally get around doing it?5
How oracle can be so big piece of shit? Dude i only need to know wtf a OSB pipeline are doing. Dude, the fucking jdeveloper cant work on my machine, no fucking way, no one version, the shit just crash with fucking null pointers. But is my machine that are cursed, right? OK, lets download their virtual machine environment and finish this. Except THE JDEVELOPER DONT WORK IN THEIR OWN FUCKING VIRTUAL MACHINE, dude, i'm going crazy. Pls, DIEEEEEEE fucking Oracle
Today, I'm making a revolutionary change to our code base. I'm finally deprecating a script that lived in this goddamn repo for way too long. There's about 10 copies of the same script in 10 different directories. The script copies all the code into a "dev" folder and then runs "sed s/prod/dev/g" on all the files, and then overwites a bunch of it with some files suffixed with ".dev". Finally, after fighting the so-called architects, the devs and everyone else that seems to have gotten used to the pain this cursed dumpster fire script has caused us, my merge request is now open and ready to go to get rid of this insanity. Now we won't have to deal with as many "surprises" that happen every goddamn time we deploy to production, overwriting all our hard work by accident, and relieve some of my OCD of having the same script in 10 different places in the repository.4
Holy shit has anyone ever had to use Borland Starteam? Fuck this piece of utter dogshit. I've lost count of the amount of times this POS has crapped out on me. I can't go a single day without having to kill it with the ctrl-alt-delete as it locks up for the thousandth time.
It constantly gets itself out of sync, telling me files are modified only for an 'update status' or comparison to reveal that fucking nothing has changed.
And you can't search the comment history past the last commit? Are you fucking serious? How the actual fuck is anyone supposed to work with this? It's not even like thats a difficult task. I can see the damn commit history right there so why the fuck can't I search its comments?
Probably the most frustrating piece of software i've ever used.
Update: It knows. It listens. It's not working at all now. This is my punishment for criticising it. The software is cursed.
Has anyone ever figured out why the fuck Android reboots seemingly out of nowhere at random times?
Is it kernel panics? Is it some shitty bug that has been plaguing this cursed OS since its inception? [sidenote: boy that was a mouthful of 's'es]
Or are we already at the mercy of the Big Brother, and someone at the controls likes to play random pranks on us when they're bored?
Thinking of switching to LineageOS more and more, but I'm kinda worried about resetting my phone since I've never done full backups/restores and I have no experience in the matter...7