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-
*click "Empty Recycle Bin"*
*removing 134.389 files. Time remaining: about 15 minutes*
Me: What the fuck is happening?!
*open Recycle Bin*
*see there is 3 node_modules folder*
Me: oh, okay sorry. Thats pretty normal.16 -
Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?
Yeah, fuck you too...14 -
Fucking someone has to fix the recruiting process.
Fucking who gives a shit about your experience, and what you did so long.
Here take this fucking shitty problem that I googled, so that I can judge you by this one fucking problem.
Oh, youve worked on variety of technologies? Fuck you.
Fuck these interviews. Fml.9 -
>Building advertising platform
>Life is good
>Fire up the dev server and open in browser
>No assets
>What the fuck
>Check code and config for like an hour it's all good
>What the fuck
>Try incognito browser, it works.
>What the fuck
>Oh yeah. Adblock. Fuck.4 -
Production is down
Me to Customer :What did you do?
Customer: Nothing
Me blurt out: The fuck you didn't!
Customer: ...
Me: ...(fuckfuckfuck)
Customer:... Well, I did run these scripts..
Me: (oh thank Christ)
Me: ok, I'll get right on it (Click)
Me to TeamLead: client called. Their prod is down!
TeamMate: did he say he didn't do anything?
Me:Yes
TeamMate: ..... Every fucking time...14 -
One of the project manager came to one of our senior pro developer to say something. Before he even said anything the senior dev said:
Oh Fuck, not you again!
The pm politely left the area5 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
My startup actually made the first place in an accelerator program! We'll start negotiations on Monday!! I'm so fucking excited!
Plus I met a really nice person on the train on my way back home! What the actual fuck is that a nice day!19 -
Oh fuck off Google.
YouTube has stories now.
Brb going to throw up in a trash can. The most fucking stupid feature for YouTube.19 -
HOW TRANSIT SHOULD WORK
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨 🏃
🚶♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶♂️ glad there's another in 6 minutes!
HOW TRANSIT DOES WORK (IN THE US)
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨🏃
🚶♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶♂️ not another for an hour
🚶♂️ hope I don't lose my job.16 -
First on the phone this afternoon and also a crapload of tickets.
*alright let's do some tickets*
*tringgggggg*
*fair enough, phone comes first*
*half an hour later call finishes*
*alright, tickets!*
*tringggg*
*alright phone first again*
*handles call, hangs up*
*Aaand tickets!*
*Tringgggggggg*
*oh come on I need to do tickets :/*
*handles call again and closes convo*
*Aaaand now: ticke... *TRINGGGG*
*oh come on!!*
*handles call once again*
*please don't interrupt me now, I need to do those ti.... *TRINGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
*fucking hell!*
*handles call and tries to stay calm*
*now tickets!*
*types reply, presses repl... *TRINGGGG 😈*
*OH FOR FUCKS SAKE*
*handles call once a-FUCKING-gain*
*if the phone rings now...*
*goes to the reply button again and: clic.... *TRINGGGGGG - GO FUCK YOURSELF!*
FUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING FUCK.
FUCK. TODAY WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.10 -
Holy fucking hell!
Who the fuck sets up a local network with an 255.255.0.0 subnet mask and then lets the dhcp-server distribute clients onto the 192.249.x.x., 192.2.x.x and the 192.22.x.x networks AT FUCKING RANDOM???
I need to SSH onto 40 routers distributed across the entire campus and have a WORKING internet connection while doing so and you make me spin the connect-disconnect-wheel. Fucking hell dude, don't give me that "Uh, it wasn't intended for this size"-bullshit. You have about 200 active devices. And in one subnet you have space for more than 60 000. Fuck you, dumbass! OH, YOUR FUCKING LIST IS FUCKING WRONG AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE IP OF THE ROUTERS? OH FUCK YOU EVEN HARDER!!!
Goddamn people why does legacy maintenance always suck so much?😭😭😭4 -
*Friend's phone isn't sending messages*
Me: "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"
Friend: "Oh fuck off"
Me: "Well have you? just do it."
*restarts phone, it works*
Me: "funny how that happens"2 -
Why the fuck did I set up GitHub and all the deploy scripts if your just going to fucking ignore it and edit directly on the server?!?
"Oh, I ran out of time"
DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW SIMPLE GIT IS?!?!?
"git add file
git commit -m 'Queef farm'"
AND YOU'RE DONE!12 -
If. You. Don't. Contact. Us. With. A. Registered. Email. Address. Or. Phone. Number. Then. I'm. Not. Giving. You. Any. Information. Relating. To. 'your'. Account.
Oh you "don't agree" with that?
Guess what, never gonna give you up!
Oh, typo, that should've been: never gonna give a fuck!
No, seriously, I couldn't care less.48 -
Got a call from a recruiter today. (Keep in mind that using WhatsApp is about a requirement over here.)
R: so can I app you (I hate that word to the fucking point) with further details?
Me: *oh fuck this is gonna get me fucked again* uhm I don't use it so yah...
R: ohhh okay, security reasons?
Me: *slight relief* yes indeed, sir
R: oh fair enough, you can always just text and call me!
*very relieved feeling*
It's for either a cyber security or linux job by the way.29 -
So, I just got up, opened my sister's laptop to work (she gave it to me while I was in this small trip) and I see this. She was like "if you break it, I'm gonna kill you" and I said "oh no! What am I gonna do? Hammer it or something?" Fuck my luck, seriously
18 -
Just took apart my laptop to dust it out from the inside. Had it back together, put the battery in. "Alright, time to make sure I didn't break something"
Beep....beep beep beep....beep beep beep....beep
"FUCK I FUCKING BROKE SOMETHING WHAT DID I BREAK?"
Google Lenovo post codes (Thinkpad laptop). DIMM issue.
"Oh fuck I forgot to put the RAM back in.."
Perfect now7 -
Me: *Gets an error message I don't recognize.* fuck.
Me: *Googles error*
*First result is not StackOverflow but a github issue instead* oh FUCK!6 -
!rant
*Just got a package delivered, didn't check yet*
Friend: who sends you stuff from from the USA?
I (excited as fuck): uh it must be my
DevRant
Duck
Delivery.
Friend: your what?
I explain, he walks away not giving a fuck.
But I don't care what he thinks, i love my new devDucks. Oh and special thanks to @dfox for the autograph. Well technically you just signed the customs declaration, but an autograph none the less.
3 -
In IT-Class:
Random: Ey watcha doin?
Me: Programming. What else?
Random: Oh, you're such a nerd...
Me: Programming is fun! I really like it.
Random: Please don't say this is your hobby...
Me: It is.
Random: Bruuh... *goes away*
Why the fuck are you here, if you're not interested in programming???
I don't understand such people.13 -
Me: "oh its a new year, time to check out some shiny new languages"
Me: *finds kotlin*
Me:
Me: "what the fuck"
29 -
Me: Fuck I love my chromebook!
The world: Why would you love Chromebooks, you cant even do anything with ChromeOS?!
Me: *Sit's down and listens to music and podcasts for 3 hours* Oh look, still got 82% battery...24 -
Oh fuck and boy Jesus, how on earth is this still a thing 😦
MD fucking 5 is not a fucking “secure” crypto algorithm.
This site has 14 million breached accounts with fucking MD5 hashes.
I think I’ve had to much internet for today.
18 -
All my unit tests work, all my component tests work, why the FUCK does it give me a 'Verification Failed' error?
1 hour later:
Oh wait this is the wrong public key2 -
Oh, you're 87% Web Design, are you? Get the fuck outta here.
Literally one of my biggest pet peeves for CVs/resumes/company website templates
9 -
Recruiter: "Ashleigh, I have a client that has asked me to reach out to you. They use really modern tech"
Me: "Oh Yea? What like?"
Recuriter: "es2015 and symfony 2"
Me: "fuck off"4 -
Microsoft: We're brings new updates to Edge....
Me: Oh nice, was about time.
**Reads changelog**
"Edge now has support for Internet Explorer"
"No, really, you can now run IE in Edge."
Me: Oh for Fuck Sake!19 -
This happens everyday
> Picks phone up to test changes to mobile app
> oh look I got a notification
> Scroll, Scroll, like, like, lol, lmao, that's gross, lol, haha
> 5 minutes goes by
> Puts phone down
> Goes back to computer
> What the fuck am I forgetting....2 -
"What idiot left a console.log in a function call spitting out the value of the onchange......oh fuck, that was me "
-
FUCK THE WORDPRESS ECOSYSTEM AND FUCK THE FUCKING ONE CLICK DEPLOYMENT LIES OH YES WITH WITH BITNAMI OFFERS YOU SHIT AND FUCK YOU FUCKK YOUUUU SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU MADE ME AN ANGRY AND SICK FUCK.6
-
-made a password-protected zip to backup my homedir
-launch the update to Fedora 28
-oh look Jessica Jones season 2 is available on Netflix
...
Some hours later
-Fedora 28 boots
-copy back my backup.zip
-shit what's the password already
-proceed to bruteforce the zip
-let's go back to Netflix while it's doing the job
...
Some hours later
-password: test
-proceed to self-fuck4 -
Me: Hey, Android, how do I do [abc]?
Android: Oh, that's actually quite easy! All you need is permissi..
Me: Oh, you know what, nevermind. I'd rather fuck an industrial fan.5 -
The people I work with are so fucking antisocial. Everyone waits until the kitchen is empty before going to get a coffee. Also, the dev next to me seems to think breathing heavily is a great idea. Fuck these people.
Oh...the kitchen is free! Time for coffee!4 -
if you are tired, so fucking tired you are not fast enough to double tap a rant.
tap.... *rant opens* fuck! back..
tap... tap *rant opens* *rant opens* what the... back back
tap..tap oh cmon! Not again! back back
tap..tap *++ turns red*
Whohooo im a fucking genius!1 -
www.crossinstall.com
Go fuck yourself. They're the company that makes those pain in the ass mini-game ads. You know, the ones that aren't even relevant to the game.
"Oh look! A city building game. Let's advertise it with a tower defense game!"9 -
Why... why the fuck do people write unit tests and then comment out the god damn fucking assertion lines....
Like what the flying fuck? Cool, we can get some code coverage marks but for fuck sake actually let your tests do their fucking job!!!
Oh, the asserts fail?
Well fucking sort that shit out instead of commenting them out.
I don't get it, if you're going to write tests, fucking test something with them, or we'd be better of without them.8 -
Promotions? What are those.
Every title I have gained has been out of necessity of needing someone to work on stack "X".
It usually goes something like:
Dev: I quit
Management: oh shit, we need another dev 🤔oh @C0D4 can do it until we find a replacement.
@C0D4: fuck, I don't know anything about this stack.
Management: we didn't find a replacement, this thing is yours now, here's a pay bump for your efforts.
@C0D4: I swear they'll regret all these projects being managed by a single dev 1 day.9 -
Fuck mysql charset shit. Pretty easy to forgot setting charset in server side config file. And after creating several databases/tables, boom! All in latin1. That's just so convenient. are you kidding me? Why would any modern database have their default charset to be latin1??? rather than utf8? Oh, just forgot again, that's utf8fuckingmb4 on mysql land.7
-
Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."
Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"6 -
Why I Love To Code ???
I Hate Programming 🤨
I Hate Programming 😧
I Hate Programming 😰
.
.
.
Oh Fuck ! it worked..
I Love Programming5 -
!rant
The last two days we were only young people @ our Office.
Because we are funny as fuck we put the jacket of our smallest college on the sealing xD
Oh gosh I love work sometimes so much :D
11 -
OH. FUCK. OFF.
Really?? A *gaming browser*??
What a sorry attempt at grabbing your first 10 users, Opera. There's a lot of "gaming" gear out there that's nothing more than a double-price gimmick with RGB lights, but this takes the cake.
Absolutely ridiculous. You should be ashamed for making such an abomination.
21 -
FUCK THE RECRUITERS WHO ASK US TO MAKE AN ENTIRE PROJECT AS A CODE TEST.
Oh you need to scrape this website and then store the data in some DB. Apply sentimental analysis on the data set. On the UI, the user should be able to search the fields that were scraped from the website. Upon clicking it should consume a REST API which you have to create as well. Oh and also deploy it somewhere... Oh I almost forgot, make the UI look good. If you could submit it in one week, we will move towards further rounds if we find you fit enough.
YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU!
I can apply to 10 others companies in one week and get hired in half the effort than making this whole project for you which you are going to use it on your website YOU SADIST MOTHERFUCK
I CURSE YOUR COMPANY WITH THE ETERNITY OF JS CALLBACK HELL 😡😤😣9 -
Me, doing a project and writing to the group chat in the meantime:
sharktits@11:07: oh fuck
sharktits@11:07 how do i
sharktits@11:10: nvm go it3 -
Usually, I work that way :
1. Read the documentation
2. Try stuff
3. Fuck it doesn't work.
4. Oh no 😢
5. THIS THING IS HORRIBLE I DON'T WANT TO WORK WITH IT SOMEONE HELP BEFORE I COMMIT SUICIDE
6. - "You should look at this :"
7. "WOW THANKS GOOD IDEA"
8. Yeay it works!
9. Oh wait, why does it work?
10. What the f*ck 🙃 it doesn't work anymore
11. Oh I get it
12. THIS THING IS AMAZING I SHOULD USE IT MORE OFTEN5 -
Who the fuck doesn't use responsive design. Oh yeah my Job. Thank God I quit Friday. Fuck this old ass dirt company4
-
Oh fuck the ROM compiled on first try. WTF ?
Well surely it wont boot.
//5 minutes later after coffee brake.
Oh fuck it booted up no fucking way.
Well but at least something is in place. Wifi not working BT, Camera, Audio.
OK i was worried what did i do wrong since it booted on first try.2 -
What the fuck I did everything right I've checked every semicolon every bracket fuck this shit I'm out I quit see you never later losers oh I spelled color wrong I'm back love you all1
-
Jingle fuck, jingle fuck,
Jingle fuck away.
Oh what fun it is to hear
silence on the Christmas day.3 -
After fresh windows install: Fuck, now to install everything I need and all the updates over the next few hours
After fresh Mac install: oh god I hope it worked...
After fresh Linux install: sudo apt upgrade and done!14 -
*receives an old business laptop as payment for refurbishing another one*
Hmm, this thing doesn't have a charger with it.. looks like it's taking 18.5V.. my HP laptop's charger supplies that but its barrel connector doesn't fit 🤔
Regular users: oh dear now I have to buy a charger with a fitting connector for this.. where do I even start?!
Me: Well I guess I could just remove the charging port and solder some wires straight into the board instead 🤔
But that voltage.. my HP laptop's charger is still in use and I don't really want to fuck around with that one.
Regular users: oh dear oh dear, shouldn't I just throw this laptop away?
Me: well I guess that I could just use one of the rails of my upgraded lab bench power supply for it?
Lab electronics saving the day, every day, time and time again.. fuck yeah 😎6 -
Oh are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck do you need people to add you as a person who could view all my activities?
Why the fuck would I do so?
How does this help with network security
I might be wrong. In that case please correct me
13 -
it can be the most interesting article in the world, but if you ask me to confirm cookies, to enable notifications and to disable my adblock or subscribe to your aWeSoMe newsletter at the same time I'm not interested in spending any more time on your site
oh and also, FUCK YOU, return your degree, resign and FUCK OFF2 -
Oh Christ.. just been looking for hosting companies here in Belgium to look for sysadmin positions.. one of the fucking companies posted this: "we provide Uptime-as-a-Service"
The fucking cringe!!! Uptime as a service! Everything including the only fucking job a hoster has, keeping shit up and running.. as a service.. fuck!4 -
!rant
Me: sudo apt-get update
PC: Noope. There is a problem with a package.
Me: Ugh... ok I'll fix it. *20 minutes later* Fixed. Sudo apt-get update
PC: Noope, the package cache file is corrupted.
Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF LINUX OMFG.
Oh, I fixed it.
I LOVE YOU LINUX.11 -
I think Matlab was only invented to fuck with people. Yeah, let's start indices with 1. Oh, and set copy and paste on Ctrl+W and and Alt+Y.
You didn't save your code? Too bad, the network went down and I lost the license.3 -
Mate - whatcha doing ...
Me - oh just hacking nasa
Mate - seriously!? 😯😨
Me - OOOOh yeah I do it all the time see (shows similar photo)
Mate - don't hack me 😭
Me (in head) - you poor dumb fuck...
Me irl - I won't if you don't piss me off 😏
9 -
Oh my God. New pet peeve:
People who answer questions on Amazon with an answer like "idk I just got this :(" or "idk man I bought it as a present."
Why the fuck do you feel the urge to answer a fucking question without actually answering it? Like are you that fucking stupid? Jesus Christ.5 -
My progression of learning git rebase:
Year 1: WTF just happened?! Where is my code?! *deletes and re-clones repo*
Year 2: Ok if I do it suuuper carefully I can get the other dev's one-line change into my branch...shit...shit...wait...fuck...oh lol it worked.
Year 3: Oh yeah let me organize my commits real quick. *drop pick pick squash reword pick fixup drop pick* *git push -f* 😎7 -
Few times per month. Its just crazy but you plug the earphones in. Some good music and write and think.
Then:
Oh fuck its 6am. Have to go to school4 -
This kind of random stuff happens to me often:
*comes home from going out*
*wants to sleep badly*
Brain: heyyy, why don't we take a look at some vps discounts!!!
Me: please, I want to FUCKING sleep.
Brain: oh come on...
Me: pls don't do this to me..
Brain: But vps discounts...
Me: oh FUCK YOU, I'll go look up some stuff.
My brain can be weird and annoying.8 -
Love my android. But oh my fucking stars in a pickle jar... I just did a damn software update. The fuck you mean I have one??? Wasn't even 5 minutes ago. Why are you making me do this???15
-
OH MY FUCKING BATMAN, WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS WEBSITE SHOWS ME A POPUP WHEN I HAVEN@T EVENT FINISHED READING THE FUCKING ARTICLE. FUUUUUUUUU1
-
WanBLowS: We're adding some extra features!!!
Me: Oh great! Can't wait for it!
*gets up from bed to mash that power button*
Me: DIE MOTHERFUCKER, AND FUCK THAT SHITTY FEATURE!!!3 -
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSIGNING PROD BUGS WHEN I'M ON A FUCKING VACATION ?!?
Oh wait I wrote that code...
Welp6 -
New feature on the Cuntbook. Want to write a post to a page? Poof, and it's gone! BILLION DOLLAR FUCKING FEATURE!!! BILLION DOLLAR FUCKING COMPANY!!!
CERTIFIED MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!
Oh and just to load our pages it takes 20 seconds. Because fuck you, this is Web 2.0. FUCK!!!
9 -
News : Congratulations, your Asus phone has Pie upgrade.
Others : Wow, finally new features. 📲📷
Me : Oh fuck, new bugs 🐛3 -
my 8 month old on her stroller at the grocery:
*cries in screaming*
*is scared of unrecognized faces*
every single old person we pass by:
let's grinstare this thing right on its fucking face.
baby: *cries harder*
old fuck: uh oh, time to go4 -
Tonight is my school's prom and I'm the only one of my friends that's not going. My original date cancelled on me and the other one ended up getting a boyfriend and cancelled too. Oh well.
(Am I capable of posting about something other than my personal life? Holy fuck I don't have many posts that aren't about my personal shit)8 -
Oh God, oh fuck!! My bank!! That I don't bank with. It's DIsaBlEd!!!!! OH GOD OH FUcK MY MONEY!!! This is terrible, take my password!!!!! Have it!! I need to RESET THE DAMAGE OH GOD
7 -
I'm studying Software Engineering. Fuck me, right?
Next week I have 3 exams, and I have to deliver the implementation of a Red&Black Tree and a AVL Tree (+ GUI in Swing) by Wednesday. Oh, and also, 5 small systems in C.
I don't know how the FUCK will I survive, but I will.21 -
Oh fuck, Germany wants to pull an Australia and force services-providers to disclose passwords, password-hashes,... to law enforcement.14
-
Oh for fucks sake on a horse raping twat of a week.
It’s like everything that could go wrong did go wrong, from people fucking up, to orders being fucked up in multiple systems to me wanting to break someone’s fucking nose for being a complete dumb fuck. Seriously how do people that do a job, day in and day out go completely fucking brain dead and fuck things up beyond fucking repair over hundreds of orders.
Sorry but FUCK this shit, it can wait till fucking Monday you cunt rash of a shit. -
Let's work on my my side project after work.
Oh, a cold beer
Oh, Netflix
Oh, it's past dinner time.
Fuck2 -
Facebook you little piece of shit.
We have a page setup for a band since apparently this is what one does these days. But oh boy is facebook annoying. Can you please stop sending me 100 notifications a day about fking post boosting?! What the fuck. We are students we don't have money for this shit. fk off! <.<12 -
git reflog, git reflog...git FUCKING reflog!!!! Ah fuck this, I'm taking the kids out. 3hrs later.... Oh shit, i was in the wrong directory. A good fresh air clears the mind.2
-
Current mood;
Screw the language, fuck the compiler, piece of shit keeps throwing errors.
Oh wait I forgot to set a variable. That was easy
More errors?? FUCK ALL THE SHIT OVER AGAI- oh wait actually if I just do... SCREW IT ALL YOU CUNT CODE,, no no I didn't mean that dear. Don't give me more errors please. OH FUCK YOU.1 -
I fucking HATE when people tell me:
"Oh you are using Unity? What kind of dumb shit uses Unity! Isnt its only purpose to make shovelware and shit?!"
THIS MAKES ME FURIOS AT MOST POINTS! AND I WANT TO PUNCH THOSE DIPWIT COCKS WHO ALWAYS THINK ANYTHING OTHER THAN UNITY IS GOOD, IN THE FUCKING FACE! TWICE!
unity isnt just for SHOVELWARE and CHEAP SHITGAMES, it has some really good potential when in the RIGHT FUCKING HANDS!! FOR FUCK SAKE!
(If you want an example look up dronethegame.com currently in crowdfunding) FUCK THESE PEOPLE...
FUCK17 -
Oh fuck... OH FUCKING FUCK OF FUCKS!
So, I made an interview and recorded it with Audacity...
Stupid me only stopped the recording and closed it...
WITHOUT SAVING! I DIDNT FUCKING SAVE THE FUCKING RECORDING! FUCK!
I DIDNT SAVE HALF AN HOUR OF AUDIO! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN! IT DIDNT EVEN ASK ME TO FUCKING SAVE IT!
or was it??
FUCK NOW IM PARANOID!14 -
Teaching JavaScript to a master of classical programming (only uses C++, Python, Ruby, etc.). Here are the results:
1. What
2. What the fuck
3. Why
4. Why the fuck
5. Oh shit that's useful
6. Oh shit that's stupid
7. Why would anyone do that
8. Why isn't anyone else doing that
9. This is crazy complex
10. This is stupid easy8 -
Oh don't worry I just wasted a whole day, it's not like I had homework to do, projects to finish and VM's to install and I busted my sick ass trying to make it all work on my Linux machine which is now tainted with software I didn't even want to install and useless docs while having a 105 fever. It's all fucking worth it because at the end, of the next day, oh wait...you didn't even install the updates properly, fuck you windows! I swear the first thing I'll do after graduation will be getting rid of you!!
5 -
Oh look a new chrome update!
*Installs update*
I regret everything!!!!
Come on Google I love material design but fuck me is the new update ugly... Besides the new tab page.7 -
Fucking fuck fuckity keyboard autocorrect on windows (and on osx): NO FUCKING THANK YOU, FUCK OFF, STOP FUCKING AROUND WHILE I WRITE
I turned off fucking autocorrection on windows 10, I write an email in french, and every word that has a similar spelling in english gets autocorrected FUCK YOU OUTLOOK, FUCKING RESPECT MY FUCKING SETTINGS, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF CODED SHIT PILE OF SHITWARE
So much time lost correcting and recorrecting.
Oh, also: a phone is a fucking phone, a computer is a fucking computer, not the same device, not the same behaviours, fucking get that you fucking companies10 -
Oh, boy, do I hate recruiters...
So today I attended a Job fair, which mentioned it will be 'walk-in' interview for every company present there, only to find out they were mass recruiters, FUCK ME.
1. Write answers on the back of your resumes.
2. Group interview
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!
On point number 2, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ANALYZE SKILL OF A FUCKING CROWD OF 20 PEOPLE ALL TOGETHER!!!!???
Top of that I paid for this shit! I can hope for only the best now.....2 -
This is the craziest shit... MY FUCKING SERVER JUST SET ON FIRE!!!
Like seriously its hot news (can't resist the puns), it's actually really bad news and I'm just in shock (it's not everyday you find out your running the hottest stack in the country :-P)... I thought it slow as fuck this morning but the office internet was also on the fritz so I carried on with my life until EVERYTHING went down (completely down - poof gone) and within 2 minutes I had a technician from the data centre telling me that something to do with fans had failed and they caught fire, melted and have become one with the hardware. WTF? The last time I went to the data centre it was so cold I pissed sitting down for 2 days because my dick vanished.
I'm just so fucking torn right now because initially I was absolutely fucking ecstatic - 1 week ago after a year of doomsday bitching about having a single point of failure and me not being a sysadmin only to have them look at me like I'm some kind of techie flat earther I finally got approval to spend around 5x more per month and migrate all our software to containerized micro services.
I'll admit this is a bit worse than I expected but thanks to last week at least I have recent off site images of the drives - because big surprise I have to set this monolithic beast back up (No small feat - its gonna be a long night) on a fresh VPS, I also have to do it on premises or the data will only finish uploading sometime next week.
Pro Tip: If your also pleading for more resources/better production environment only to be stone walled the second you mention there's a cost attached be like me - I gave them an ultimatum, either I deploy the software on a stack that's manageable or they man the fuck up and pay a sys admin (This idea got them really amped up until they checked how much decent sys admins cost).
Now I have very flexible pockets because even if I go rambo the max server costs would only be 15-20% of a sys admins paycheck even though that is 13 x more than our current costs.
2 -
To all you fuckers out there giving bad app rating because some shit does not work on your shitty phone and you are to fucking lazy to report the bug via the fucking "send log to dev"-button that pops up with the exception.
Go fuck yourself.
And to all the user whose bugs I fixed and did not change their Bad rating - fuck you too.
And oh.. The fucktards that did not even install the app and give a Bad rating because i am your competitor - guess what...fuck you.9 -
FUCK.... My laptops LED screen just got a dead px stripe.... And the bad thing is that it is allmost in the middle of the screen.... Oh and it is 60px in length and about 3 px in height!!! And no signs of physical damage to the screen.... so they just died!!!!
And the warranty ended 3 months ago..... Fuck you ASUS!3 -
Me : "Hey, your class is internal, I can't call it remotely"
Other team : "Oh okay, wait *change it to public* Done, you can call it now"
*some days later*
Other team : "*switch back*"
Okay then, I guess it's a way to say "Fuck you" with commits2 -
Ok so my pc is running again.
Time to put some Marilyn Manson on while I code.
Oh wait, what's that? Can't play music? For the 5th time today, fuck you Microsoft.
3 -
Time for the self assessment for the year...
"Where do you see yourself in 3-5 years?"
Oh idk.... Maybe owner of a small coffee shop with no stress whatsoever...
Or I might fuck off to my own little mountain like Luke that'll be nice...4 -
The fuck is wrong with android development?!
Every little shit app depends on Google-Services.
Oh you want this app that essentially just keeps track of your homework?
Well fuck you, because we decided to display a login-with-google popup at the start and now, the app won't run if you use an ungoogled ROM.6 -
Hi Lead Architect,
Oh? You want me to explain how database clustering works? I guess you're just testing me because I'm new and junior.
Oh, and also explain how load balancing works? And what a bastion host is?
What's the architectural intent of this project? Let's have a look at the documentation and diagrams you have been creating of your designs.
You don't have any? That's okay, you've only been leading the architect team on this project for a year now.
Why don't you just keeping asking the most junior dev on the team about how the fuck you are supposed to do your job. As if I know how to do your job when I have zero training and am just expected to know everything.
Oh, its 3pm and you're heading to the pub. That's cool, I'll just guess what I need to build.2 -
Fuck. Fuck. Fucjkkkklkkkkkkkk.
Entire body hurts like hell but that might be due to my fall on skates in 30km/h but throat hurts. Cant breathe properly.
Oh nooooooo i have flu.
God fucking dammit whyyyyyyyyy ?4 -
It’s Friday, YAY my week is over....Oh fuck someone wants to do a prod release today, I am so not looking forward to today.
-
Fuck me I forgot to eat (was too busy at work) and I lost my chance to eat anything from the cafeteria.
Oh well...vending machine it is.2 -
In `Computer Fundamental` class
friend: What 1 + 1 equal to?
me: two.
friend: ...no, it's equal to ten.
me: oh fuck!2 -
Fuck Microsoft! 😡
I bought the new xBox One S....
Turns out it's not compatible with my home network and you can't set it up without an internet connection.
Ended up using my phone data (2GB used) just so I could do the updates required to watch a 4K movie.
Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait for the new internet connection arriving Monday 😔7 -
Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do
Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck
Me: oh ok, I will do that ...1 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD MY FATHER NEVER SHUTS THE FUCK UUUUP ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!¡!!!!11
-
I hate this trend. Take up the whole screen for one big nothing. Yep, 1920x1080 is apparently not enough to show me more than motto, one link and freaking big image nobody care about.
Fuck, i must code it. Oh damn, there is 8 same sections on the whole page. Don't worry, not a single one of them worth reading! FUCK YOU designers!
15 -
Just found out my child’s after school care has been cancelled right before the new term, for fucks sake, how about some warning! Fuck knows what to do about work now. Oh and here is a desk
10 -
User: This web page form is too hard to use and is prone to have wrong data filled out.
Me: Uh...ok. Here is a redesign. You literally fill out one text field and a date picker.
User: Oh this is great, thanks.
*checks the database and the very first entry they created had the wrong date.*
Fuck me.6 -
Oh my fucking god which idiot decided to use JS as a scripting language for Minecraft Forge core mods
Literally what the fuck3 -
God fucking damnit automating a client's "Job applicant form" system is the most boring shit l've ever done.
Get me some damn monkeys to do this
"Oh OK so I just have to take this form and turn it into HTML. Oh shit, 25 check box's, let's just copy paste this shit in over and over. Oh damn, forgot I have to change the name and value fields for each one. God damnit this is boring, I guess I have to"
Fucking hell it's annoying work, Boring, easy, no thought needed. Ended up turning this task into a drinking game. Every time the word "Management" came up, I took a shot. Got me pretty fucked up.
Client emails back; "Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, we have these 3 other forms we want you to automate".
Well fuck at this point I feel like more of an alcoholic than a developer.5 -
Me: oh cool, using OpenGL and GLFW makes it nice and easy to draw a triangle! Might look into using GLEW to start making things a bit more cross platform..
* 48 hours later *
Me: Oh joy, of course everyone uses fucking visual studio, why can't people just offer tutorials or documentation for people using meson or you know... literally anything else that isn't visual studio!
It's fairly easy for me to port C++ to C with my limited knowledge but fuck me am I sick of documentation and articles always targeting a single method...6 -
58 of 64 tests failed
Me: "what the actual fuck."
*spends 10 mins looking through logs wondering why these valid tests were marked as failed*
Me: "Oh shit I just configured the test case wrong"1 -
Just got my first internship using Angular 1 today. Oh yeah, I’ve never in my life touched Angular. Fuck (:
4 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!1
-
Just finished setting up PiHole on my RaspberryPi.... no more adblock extensions with shitty performance... no more custom hosts files... and network level adblocking for all devices...
FUCK YEAH
oh, and I added so many lists that it now blocks about 350k domains (ads and malware)
Today was a good day.. time to hibernate...4 -
So recently I wanted to delete a corrupt jpg file.
I could not because "It's corrupted".
Oh dear windows...
...Go fuck yourself!
Oh and also recently I was out of space, so I had to free some by deleting the VMWare Snapshots that were taking up said space.
I couldn't...
...VMWare said it needs more space to be able to delete those files.
Fuck you too VMWare!5 -
When I was in college I had to code a piece of software for use on the college Intranet.
When it came time to deploy, I went to the network admin to set the package up for distribution.
His first reply, "oh, it's only 8mb, thats so sad".
WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER AS LONG AS IT DOES THE JOB!5 -
Fuck these people. They have PhDs in everything but don't know how to walk properly.
"Oh let me get right in front of you while you walk faster", have you ever driven a car you porg shit?
And these people that wear backpacks! OH MY GOD I HATE BACKPACKS! I mean, if you wear one please tell me you've been wearing them since you were born. Otherwise you're not calculating the extra space you take AND YOU JUST WALK LIKE A FUCKING GORILLA.
I have come to the point of inventing the walking permit. You're born with it, and starting at 18 y/o it can be stripped away. LEARN TO WALK.2 -
Oh so your deadline is Wednesday and you will travel on Thursday? Let's have a full day meeting on Monday... WELL FUCK YOU TOO!!!
-
Here's to another flawless server swap!.....OH WAIT FUCK FACE HERE FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART....THE FUCKING DATABASE BACKUP FILES!!!!!!!!3
-
I'm a 35 year old developer and I can't figure out how the fuck mailchimp works. It might be that the whole thing is terrible, or I may just be a complete idiot. Oh, of course the api key is under profile>extras6
-
Fuck NameCheap.
They will show you a domain is on sale, make you contact support to buy it, tell you "oh sorry it's your browser cache's fault, please restart your browser" and then JACK UP THE PRICE 10x.
Royally fuck you. This shit should be illegal. If I thought it would solve anything I'd contact ICANN.
God I fucking hate this industry. It's all a fucking scam.23 -
"I will do great commits that make sense! I will always track all my atomic chang.... Oh, fuck it, there it goes again".
3 -
Fuck you scp. I was uploading 6GB file to an EC2 server. Well, needless to say, "no space left on device" after all 6GB transferred was the biggest FUCK YOU moment. Seriously. Send the file size and check before you waste 30 minutes of my time. Oh, and don't read CLI command data as part of the transfer. You suck.9
-
Ok, let's actually try and work on my games Dev kit workspace functionality and not get side tracked with devRant... Oh fuck I'm on it right now... Well shit!
I think I browse through devRant at an unhealthy amount lol -
What about "Man page"? You sound like a sex-throlling maniac and I demand that you blacklist the term also from the dictions on your doc 🤪 (Oh fuck, did I just used the word 'blacklist'?) *whispers* Sorry Jim, I actually meant 'darklist' the word 'Man page'.
9 -
Employer uses IBM Software, which forces me to use Eclipse. I hate eclipse. Hate is a hard word. I'd never say, I really 'hate' a person. But eclipse, eclipse is what I hate. I can look at my smartwatch and see my heartrate rising, just thinking of how the fuck any developer on this crappy planet would ship that bullshit IDE. That saying, I'm totally fine with some bugs, using windows and so on, but eclipse... Is this a get-more-contributors strategy? Holy moly it really kills me. Hey, let's just open that maven Proj.. Oh, crash. Hey, let's install that "bug-free" version of the maven-integratio... Oh, crash. Let's do a global search over my worksp.. Oh, freezed. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How can this be legal? I mean, seriously, most junoir devs I know, just use Eclipse, because they don't know of any other "better" IDE (VIM would be better, even notepad). Is there anyone sucking professors cocks / vaginas to get them introduce that crap IDE to students?3
-
I used to think decrappifying my own CSS was hard... trying to help someone else is a whole other monster.
PHP, JS all have some method to their madness but CSS: “oh you center aligned your heading? Well guess everything else needs to be pushed wherever the fuck I feel like on the page” -
Like wtf ?? What wrong with you clang ?
Android-base/unique_fd.h not found oh ok.
Well its there.
Just changed it for another file and it worked.
I used full path to the file and it worked.
So how the fuck cant you find the file when its surely there ????????7 -
I finally have a day off to work on some projects in peace. Oh wait, my fucking roommate keeps knocking on the door every 3 seconds. LEAVE. ME. THE. FUCK. ALONE.1
-
This fucking weather. Oh this fucking weather. Neither can you go out, nor can you code. WHY THE FUCK WAS I BORN TO BURN IN THE TROPICS?
Feels like among all the assholes, the Sun likes to screw me the most.
FUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK THIS SHIT. FUCK IT.
FUCK YOU SUN FUCK OFFFFFFFF!! TAKE SOME LIME JUICE AND FUCK YOU BEFORE THE WINTER ARRIVES.13 -
FUCK mailing lists! Fuck them to death.
They're a barely structured, convoluted, piece of shit! I fucking hate them!
Oh look! 10 search results from a mailing list "archive" with the vague error message I'm receiving! Oh look! All of them are the same question that repeats as the email got quoted on the replies! Oh look! No information was exchanged just the equivalent of "hurr-durr did you try turning it off and on again?"... no wonder the communication abruptly stops - the author probably realized how God damn dense you have to be to use a mailing list post-2000.2 -
Just now... Got a job to create patch files for a couple of jars, which may or may not have varying class files. In total, I have to decompile, check, add and synchronize about 30 class files in 6 jars with a new functionality (that I didn't write). 🙂
FUCK PRODUCTION! WHY CANT YOU MAINTAIN ONE MOTHERFUCKING JAR?
OH? YOU'RE SUPERSTITIOUS THAT ONE TINY, ANT-SHIT SIZED CHANGE IN ONE SIMPLE FUNCTIONALITY WILL FUCK UP *OUR* PRODUCT?
FUCK MANAGEMENT! YOU DON'T HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR *OWN* PRODUCT!
OH? CUSTOMER COMES FIRST? HAVE THE BALLS TO DEFEND YOUR OWN FUCKING SELF AND PRODUCT TO THE CLIENT OR THEY'RE GONNA MAKE YOU YOUR BITCH AND TIE A GAGBALL DIPPED IN HOT SAUCE AROUND YOUR MOUTH! HOW.. THE FUCK.. DID YOU MISS THAT LOGIC??????
Best part, they want it by tomorrow, and they don't wanna test it. Guess who's gonna get slaughtered after a week? ME! 🙂5 -
You know what's fucking horrible?
Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...
...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.
Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?1 -
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
Who the fuck thought "Oh lets put all caches in the options table". This is so incredible dumb. The options table has nearly 8GB and is just unusable. The query for the "real options" takes about 3s. To export this fucking shit I had to block the prod server for 20 minutes to get a db dump. I want to womit in the mouth of the fucking idiot who did this.6 -
Last night: Wow, I just finished that massive feature and I still get some time left! Why not play something?!
Oh crap, this game is so cool but my video card drivers needs an update (AMD Radeon on a Fedora system).
The proprietary drivers don't run on this version of Xorg server... Fine, let's search for some solutions online and... Hey! Found it! Let's see: downgrade Xorg, download the driver, patch it for your kernel version...
Did I just fucked my display? Oh yeah... Let's try to fix it........
Fuck...
5am: Finally got it all working perfectly again... Fuck this game, I hate it!3 -
Me, 20 mins ago:
"oh god windows died and my HDD's not showing on my SATA controller fuck it better not've died"
Me, 3 mins ago:
"oh, windows has managed to permanently bork an entire SATA controller and wipe my NVRAM. Neat. Lucky I have 2 controllers..."
fucking updates10 -
Oh fuck
The professor I am currently working under is fucking highly respectable and I fucking didn't know and kept fucking around.
I've to give a presentation today and nothing is ready. I'm fucking scared help me14 -
//OK OK not dev rant but oh well
Well fuck. Good day today. 1:42AM. Went out with friends. Had nice time. Came home. Came to some stream. Played marbles on Stream. Main prize Project CARS 2. Naaaah i cant win that. Guy is 20 points ahead of me.
3 wins and 2 times second place later i win by 6 points.
Holy crap didnt expect that surely.
TBH i wanted Project CARS and even 2 when it launched. But i coudlnt play it on my PC back then. Now that i can im happy that i won it because the graphics in that game Oh boy. -
When Microsoft shuttered Windows XP, my mom's old laptop became a virus-prone, sluggish machine. She let me have it, soon after which I decided to install Ubuntu on it. One thing I should note about this laptop is that the battery could not hold a charge. The power cord was the laptop's life support, and I made sure to place the power brick on a flat surface.
One day, a new version of Ubuntu was released. I decided to perform a dist-upgrade. Because this laptop was on the older side, the ventilation left a lot to be desired by today's standards. Rather than roast my crotch, I placed my computer on the table and the power brick on a swivel chair next to me.
I was working on an assignment for a class when I saw movement in my peripheral vision. I turned and watched in horror as my power brick fell off the chair, pulling the charging cord out of the laptop and turning off the laptop... MID-UPGRADE!
Moral of the story, learn to navigate a computer via a text interface if you haven't already. It may save your ass someday. It saved mine.2 -
Today I met a guy who fuckin remembers some shitty flag he had set in a code 10 years ago and can read code in his brain for anything he had coded.
Fuck you ass hole you got be shitting me, oh come on show me something fucker. You make me sick.8 -
Oh.. Fuck.. I started loosing my motivation to work for my current employer.
Unfortunately it is one of the best option available at my location. But nevertheless I think it is time to find greener pastures. -
Microsoft pls fix.
My company chose to use Microsoft Teams and uses various linux desktops.
Let's try Microsoft Teams.
A desktop app? Hell yeah. Let's try it.
Oh wait...
Microsoft delivers a Windows executable for linux users... Fuck
7 -
It's nice to see people posting what they've been up to during their free time.
Oh wait, did I say nice? No, fuck you and your slightly better circumstances!2 -
My college is full of assholic admins fucking around!
Increasing the fee, not giving WiFi, shitty mess, bad infra and what not!
Those fuckers are probably corrupted money eating leeches!
Oh god fuck them!
More on their website www.iiits.ac.in7 -
That moment when you just quit your successful paying job just to have more time to study and try to pass the fucking piece of trash math exam.
Fuck my asshole, fuck my life and fuck that motherfucking college degree. If I don't pass, I will eventually kill my self or quit college.
Jeez, I wonder what was in my head when I enrolled in college, oh wait.. Parents, society brainwashed me to think I need top tier education to be a successful computer programmer engineer.
Fuck you society, fuck my brain, fuck everything.9 -
So my friend told me that he recommended me to be a new Creative Engineer.
-Oh shit, sweet, what are the requirements?
-I don't really understand that kind of stuff man, just look it up, here' the link
*Hmmm*
-Html,
*ok*
-Css,
*mhmm*
-Javascript
*sure*
etc etc...
and,
Actionscript
...
Excuse me?
Who the FUCK use actionscript nowadays ???2 -
Why the fuck do i need to propose try-catch to an contractor, so he can fix his application, because its crashing if the input is non-conform to the specs?
Oh and before you ask. The application is a application that processes and sanitizes invoices.8 -
!dev
Saturday... Weekend... Let me get back my sleep from weekdays...
Zzz..zzzz...**phone call**
Yeah, phone woke me, didnt even read who called. Oh, great. My bosss needs quick help and will come nearby my home in an hour.
Yaaaaay... Fuck.11 -
Why Safari sucks even more then fucking IE. Not even the easiest inputform gets displayed normaly on this SHITLOAD OF PISS
...at least i don't have to buy a Mac to debug in Safari OH WAIT! FUCK YOU APPLE! FUCKING FUCK YOU!
11 -
Fuck Ajax and it's stupid fucking side effects. A language should not have inherent side effects. "Oh, you like responsiveness?! How about I just remove all your events after a post?! How about that for responsive design ya lil bitch!"3
-
Doesn't work
I hate my life
fuck this shit
Oh I used the wrong list
*jumps from the top of the mountain* -
Goddamnit! Why is the app not picking up the new maintenance status from the server! Oh fuck... Caching....
-
Setupwars. Show off your epic coding zone setup.
Your biggest oh fuck moment as developer. "I dropped the prod DB"1 -
"please like our new post on LinkedIn"
AGH fuck off asking every employee to like your shitty "oh we hired some one new" posts
I don't fucking care that it then seems like an active company. I like shit only if I actually like it... Not some boring ass shit post
Also stop trying to micro manage your employees... Like actually wtf...1 -
Seriously, can we just all agree and fuck Epic Games? And also their shitty EAC. RIP Rocket League on Linux. What's next? Oh wait...there is almost nothing left...
The best thing how they act like their retarded Store is better than Steam. You can suck my dick idiots.11 -
Have to so a presentation tomorrow about a non dev topic.
While googling stuff I randomly find that cool amazing lib or new tool. Watching a video about it and end up codeing a hello world with it because it's so cool !
3h later: oh wait what was that tab about I opened 3h ago. Fuck.
Anyone else knows ?1 -
Oh man, it's so funny when people try to install npm via cmd and they can't understand, what fuck all errors they are getting.2
-
Development of Mesa 19.0 started few minutes ago and branch for 18.3 was created.
OK some EGL stuff few meson commits and oh fuck Wayland is broken. Xorg still works so its OK.
But yeah i possibly know which commit made it and its probably due to missing few commits hat are still beign reviewed. -
Why in the fuck is it so hard to see buttons when kb selecting with tab in a browser? It's like:
"Tab....Tab.....Tab Tab Tab... oops, went too far,
Shift + Tab, Shift + Tab.... fuck!, too far left.. wait, is that button actually highlighted, oh it is too, wtf."
It's 2019, why is this still a thing?10 -
Me today: Damn it's gonna take forever to find where this issue is, but at least then I'll know.
-me narrows it down to 5 lines-
Tonight me staring at lines: Oh fuck... there's nothing actually 'wrong' here...
Forget it, i'm going to bed.1 -
Me: Ok it looks like Gamemaker will never come to linux and I can't get it running under wine... Suppose it wont hurt to learn monogame while I have Linux, Mac and windows to hand...
*Googles tutorials*
Me: Oh god there is fuck all, it just points to XNA stuff... Oh look a tutorial for monogame itself!
*Notices its an official Microsoft tutorial*
Me: Swallow your pride Alex... Go to the dark side and use a Microsoft product willingly...
... I feel dirty... As if i should have a bleach bath...2 -
"NBN co continue to purchase more copper for their high speed NBN service..."
So what then fuck happened with the fibre and high speed... Oh right you guys are absolutely fucking useless :-D3 -
Ok...
FUCK ASUS
...
FUCK THEM...
PREBUILD PC? YEAH... BROKE AFTER A FUCKING YEAR... AN ASSFUCKED YEAR! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD SUCH A SHIT OF A MACHINE...
Oh well... saved the grafics card, HDD and SSD... time to get new Parts and build a custom one myself...
FUCK YEAH!
Warranty you say? No i tell you...10 -
Oh thank god!
Had an error in my COSMOS project and had no clue what was happening, so apparently cosmos allows you to cast using an interface when declaring variables and comparing yet it doesn't let you cast with an interface when trying to execute a function... The fuck?4 -
Yay finally summer started
Ye no fuck that
After being "migrated" into a newer smaller office and getting another team member we are now three people on about 5 square meters of space.
Another good thing is that we don't have an air conditioning unit in the new room and gained a few more PCs.
Oh and did I mention that we are on the sunny side of the building now.
Basically we are working in Satan's Asshole now. Good thing is that I am working on a thermometer now.
35 degrees Celsius is still alright isn't it?
Oh and our fan broke today.3 -
Oh boy, please don't fuck a girl in public place! Her scream really violated my hearing ability!
Anyway I'm inside my room. The sound is fascinating loud.4 -
Remember how I made script to change brightness with keyboard shortcuts? https://devrant.com/rants/1845183/...
Well, after 2 days of complaining why the fuck this shit does not work anymore, I figured out I deleted it...also from trash.... OH, FUCK!!!3 -
Me: Ok lets make a simple chrome app wrapper for devRant just for the hell of it... Oh i really don't like how there is a split line between the title bar and window content...
*2 Days later"
Me: Fuck it! Let's build a title bar library and allow for devRant theming options...
Why must I do this to myself... -
Using eclipse after a long while on a work laptop and this fucking piece of shit console window popping the fuck up and my cursor auto switching to it is the fucking shit design of a fucking lunatic from the fourteenth circle of hell, where the eternal punishment in addition to being roasted alive, probably includes being forced to fucking use eclipse.
Did I mention fuck eclipse? Fuck, I don't even care if I did. Fuck eclipse again.
Oh and to add on, if you're thinking of making the very useful suggestion that it's very easy to turn off window focus with just two buttons, then fuck you and the guy who designed that shitty UI fucking button.3 -
Just implemented a feature using Builder pattern .
State of mind : aaaghh fuck this shit , i am in hell . let's get some rest before integrating and testing this disaster
after some rest , while integrating " Oh you beauty my past self, i love you😍😍😍😍
-
Can gamedevelopers stop using lua as their freaking scripting language..
Every time I try and figure out how tables work and think I finally get it it throws a big fuck you curve ball.
Oh and then they use json file to store the data of a table except that those json interfaces are complete retards.
If you are going to support json files then why the fuck won't you put in a small fucking inconsecential JS interperter so you can actually find some docs regarding more complex fucking docs then those simple minded t[guildName] = "guild"
Another thing, why the fuck does lua not use {} like every other langauge. I use those curly brackets to figure out where shit start and ends half the freaking time.
Fuck this I'm out for today...
And a big fuck you with both middle fingers to any dev that thinks lua is a great scripting language for plugins.6 -
Why the fuck does windows use 100MB for the efi partition? Like oh hey I will exactly allocate enough space for me. Oh you want ArchLinux and NixOs too? Well fuck you have fun dangouresly moving around partition just to increase the fucking size of the efi partition I just allocated at install-time without ever asking you about it.6
-
Oh fuck off. Why do you put a fucking iMac on the floor
... Face up I imagine to then have your gf step on it 😡
Why the fuck would you even allow that situation to happen2 -
To the people that mistake i and j in nested loops: Have you considered giving these different names?22
-
We are moving from Oracle 10g to SQL Server 2019 because Oracle doesn't want to provide support to our legacy 10g database.
It doesn't much sense well anyways god bless us during data migration.
Oh one last thing, fuck business analyst team.4 -
I have a Windows desktop project which requires GUI and I have to use MFC ftwwwwwww
Ohhhhhh god why oh fuck why I want to kill myself big time all this documentation sucks ass
6 -
At uni we have one study subject called OSs and we are doing stuff in win server 2016 and win10 half the semester and half semester in linux
Before those classes
Me: windows is not that bad guys why you so mean?
After:
Also me: oh... i get it now. Fuck windows2 -
I see ads on marketing tools every fucking where.
Do I look stupid to you, Facebook and Google?
I don't fucking need them.
Who needs those stupid products anyway?
I even saw a reskinned XAMPP being marketed as 'local testing for your WordPress website', like what the actual fuck? Isn't that fucking scamming?
Oh, right. They were targeting WordPress monkies. Oh.
Anyway, please show me some more keyboards instead.
I've been in keyboard market for like 2 weeks you know.
Holy fuck. -
fuck!
When your hard drive crashes, and the most annoying thing you forgot to save is the color/syntax theme on your favourite editor.
(I'm canadian... favourite, not favorite, shutup red squiggly)
fuck!
45 minutes scrolling between color schemes in sublme.. none of them seem right.
Maybe it's monokai? I think...
or was it oceanic
FUCk!
oh well at least it looks like I'm working.1 -
I fucking hate my job! This site sucks ass and I have no motivation to work on it! Would love to get a new job with a fresh sleek site, but unfortunately my autism kicks in bad during technical interviews. Oh fuck me!5
-
Oh, you've found a work around for your browser caching? No problem, here's DNS caching so you can fuck with your code again... and not know what the issue is
~ Sincerely, ISP4 -
Company Infrastructure Team: We are doing away with proprietary libraries and using standard Java instead.
Also Company Infrastructure Team: Here have a fuck ton of new proprietary libraries with dozens of nested dependencies. Oh we don’t use Maven by the way because we are fucking idiots. -
*opens up any form of internet page*
Oh look... Another group of people using memojis as their profile picture complaining about slacks new logo and touting their own design...
*Opens up another page*
Oh look same fucking thing
*Closes browser and opens letter to reveal random slack logo*
Can everyone just shit the fuck up about the new logo... Please...3 -
Idk but i think i have the inability to ask a question on stackoverflow. Whenever i come across a specific problem my first instinct isn't to ask stack. It's to research, research and research. Then i go ahead to ask to those iknowsomuch pricks.
Do i enjoy it? No, i do it because i fucking need to.
So, stop shoving the fucking rules or policies or whatever the fuck it is on my face and answer the damn question if you know it. If not, fuck off. I hate it when they mark it as duplicate. Like are you actually serious. I've gone through the whole fucking internet including stack, searched the damn problem in different keywords, tried all the solutions for the related questions and problems and that's what you come up with. Label it as a duplicate or not descriptive enough. Oh just seriously fuck off with your "oh i have some admin capabilities let me use it on random shit". These are the people where they have no authority on anyone or led anyone or any team in their shitty lives yet act like a dickhead when someone in need of help comes to them. Oh you piece of shit, just fuck off. You miserable cunt.3 -
Was wondering why my builds/tests were taking so long. OH HEY THERE KASPERSKY WHY YOU TAKING UP 80% OF MY RESOURCES?!!
Just fuck this pile of shit. Cant it do a low intensity scan without completely blocking me from doing any work?!2 -
Pitching Preact for a client. They wanted us to use Dojo because they bought support for it and I was like OH HELL NO FUCK NO
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I swear to god if I spend more money on headphones this year. This time it was my dog that snapped the cord off. I think I will just start using bluetooth headphones now, but if there is no cord I might drop them a lot and they are expensive Oh my god jesus christ fuck me fuckfuckfuckfuckfuuuuuuck1
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What is it with people asking if learning X is good for development of Y? Did your common sense module not fucking load?
Learning a new thing isn't gonna SegFault your brain. If you have the luxury of asking If, just fucking do it, you lazy wobble tit!7 -
So for a side project, I had to understand the reasoning of a former project for this one. I was told it's the most clean and the most reliable I could get.
I scroll in the classes developed, then suddendly in a comment :
"TODO : Hardcoded for now, will be expected to change"
oh fuck me. -
I am a fresher in web development. I have already learnt to use nodejs, react, angular, vanilla js and made many projects. Majority of the work I feel is just CRUD based, sure there are some exciting things but they are only of a small percentage.
All that innovation HAPPENING is just glorified way of making a CRUD APP ONLY.
Oh mvc worked great on server side let's bring it to client side
OH mvc is such a mess, who thought about doing this.
Oh react redux is so revolutionary let's remake our app using it,,
Oh es6 fuck yeah, Babel, webpack sure, now my crud app is super performant.
Oh graphql, motherfucking cutting edge CRUD APP......
I need to know what's next, is there any breaking of this cycle11 -
Fucking hell the AWS IAM documentation is confusing as fuck. Trying to set up a fucking role is harder than cutting a rock with a fucking spoon.
And who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to allow a CLI user to run any command he's allowed to without any form of authentication??
Oh, set up MFA for the CLI you say? Good fucking luck with that, if you ever manage to figure out how to set that shit up!
Fuck this shit!3 -
Oh my god my iMac has been decompressing that bloody Xcode_8_beta.xip file for over 45 minutes, why the fuck it taking so long?2
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Why is saving this form so slow? It should be doing a single SQL update...
Oh it is doing 6500 individual updates to every possible field...fuck my life...and also the previous devs.2 -
So subreddits are now app only ? Oh fuck off . Seriously ? Is this the future we are heading towards ? Why use React then if you are not gonna let me use it in the browser.
8 -
Oh btw, i forgot to tell you guys, our college still teaches us to code, using turbo c++ emulators. 😶. WHAT THE FUCK 😑😤🤬. 😣. Makes me sick🤮.
P. S. I was going to censor the vulgar words but we don't need to on devrant. Yesh😌!!!!2 -
Oh.... Fuck.....
I have an SSD.... but it's taken more than 10 mins to changed from 25 to 26%...
And it just restarted....
Now it's at 30%...
Now 50%...
I'm gonna goto dinner now and pray that I don't need to reinstall Windows...
btw I'm atheist...
6 -
I just realised how much I fucked up. This whole 2 days I was working on something and new and new bugs were showing up every fucking minute. I get it now. It was a fucking sign the whole logic was fucked. Oh fuck me!
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Ended friday on a really good note. Started monday on a complete shit note. Why does team communication have to be so fucking difficult? Oh so you want this like this even though you told me this and now I've spent 3 hours getting drained doing this? Fuck this. Also FUCK SAP, any company who uses that shit should be taxed as if they were established in a ultra communist hell (or utopia depending on your beliefs) until they implement something decent.2
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Devrant app cant even open ten rants in a row without crashing. Oh of course you have android inside Kubernetes running on top of arch Linux on your phone and it works fine, please fuck off.18
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When you have to work with functions clearly no one gives a fuck about... because who needs documentation... like... 2 decades later!? Oh yeah sure it might change tomorrow...
2 -
Job hunting is so fucking stressful...
Everyone wants something different and the one company I actually might fit in does not have a position right now - great!
Oh and...why....the fuck... Does a company with a 10k downloads app need an aptitude test? :)3 -
So get this, I try making an appointment at the bank twice, they don't call me either time so I call them and they say they'll call me back sooo they never call me back. So today I go to the bank office because fuck it right ill just come in then and guess what I'm told? Oh euh you need an appointment to open a business account LIKE FUCK YOU YOU TWAT I TRIED MAKING AN APPOINTMENT FUCKING TWICE3
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Why the fuck does it happen every god damn time???!!!?!??!! Oh look the 5(0) year old designer created an Armageddon (layout) and went on holiday but that's okay cause it has been already approved by our sweet project manager WITHOUT SHOWING IT TO THE DEV TEAM FIRST. Fucking this fucking fuck fuck! FUCK. You deal with this idiots, i fucking QUIT bitch bye.4
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Seeing some Ruby just reminded me of something.
Fuck Objective-C. What kind of lazy fuck makes C object oriented by stapling SmallTalk to it? A better name would be "C: Now with Dissociative Identity Disorder...oh and objects".
Apple apologists make excuses for this miserable language all the time...why? Because it's the only thing Apple would give you?
Swift is definitely an improvement though.4 -
I managed to clean up the React part of my project, and now everything is smooth AF *.*
But boy oh boy did I fuck up big time, any console.log() written under the render section of anywhere was triggered around 4 times! I still have to rebuild everything (I only finished the dashboard so far) but it will be cleaner that I could ever hope2 -
oh THAT'S why malwiki was down...
what the fuck do you mean amplified the whole internet's dns the fuck does that even MEAN
4 -
If you could remember that I'm not your staff anymore and stop assigning me to projects. That'd be fucking swell.
I'm meant to be infrastructure now so fuck off. Oh a devs leaving let's hand the project to the infrastructure guy who's fucking leaving also!!
Fucking genius. I'm so close to just to saying fucking swivel and walking out. Fuck the notice period. -
Focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. Oh and wear one of those Polo Pullovers, that way you'll say "Hire me, because I'm that cool kinda sexy but douchey as fuck developer you guys need in your life". That should get the job done or job gotten.
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finally got a Powerline set, so I can actually *use* my desktop upstairs.
...wait, my ethernet isn't working.
look for the chipset's proper driver package...?
"oh it installs the wrong driver by default, which doesn't work on kernel 5.x. Use <other driver, DKMS>"
"oh it won't see your device? downgrade to <version>"
DKMS error: "<snip>/linux-headers-5.10<whatever>/Documentation/Makefile" doesn't exist
fuck it, plug laptop into powerline adapter
less useful than current situation
i'm going to fucking cry8 -
Why haven't I learned about js fetch before now. I've even used socket.io!
Fetch is amazing and I just built a function for using fetch with WordPress AJAX hooks. Yes I know it's WordPress and there's jQuery but all of my custom plugins use vanilla js as a little fuck you.
Oh yeah but ie doesn't support it at all2 -
Oh shit! My previous rant is super stupid! Fuck me.
Its almost like:
isalpha (value);
And asking why are you putting the value if you already know. 😐 Now I understood it's General way of showing things. Noob issues! 😬
Now I understood how people overreact just because they didn't think for a second.
Stupid me. 🙈 -
Fucking group projects fuck them oh so much fucking fuck fuck fuck.
What's that? You want to basically ignore the spec and do something else? Fuck.
Wait, let's not use the great resources given to us? Fucking fuck.
Oh, you're just going to ignore the fact that everyone else disagrees with you? Fuckity fuck fuck.
I am so angry. You don't get to railroad your team.
You fucker. Ugh. -
I can't find a remote development job and here's Microsoft built a AI that can code. Well fuck you Microsoft, fix your fucken browsers. oh wait...Your AI again suck.
I think it's best I go back to the farm.4 -
So my vapes coil wick just gave out and leaked through my satchel... And covered my Chromebook...
Anyone feel like cleaning out vape oil from a Chromebook, not prepared to deal with this sort of oily hell!6 -
I feel like there's an over saturation of dev sites talking about "tutorial this" and "best practice that". Would be refreshing to have developers just talk about their grind and not so much their showing off of what they just learned from Stack.....oh wait a minute!! Must be how this devRant came to be! Hmmm....fuck me, epiphany. Who knew?
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When you 3D touch too hard wondering why it's not working. Now iPhone screen is cracked. Oh my bundle id was a typo? Fuck me!
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Oh fuck it! I hit the "Dismiss all changes" button as the last thing at work today.
I've literally been going in circles the last 2 days, no progress at all 😥
I'm hoping tomorrow will be better!4 -
Man i fucking love my current living situation. The people are so fucking nice here, my neighbours almost all go into the same school as me and are therefore technical versed/share the same interests. My School is super awesome due to some of the teachers, where you can learn so much. Really starting to have a passion fo programming although it takes up so much of my freetime, i nearly don't do anything else anymore but I want to learn as much as possible.
It's a super nice day even though I have to study maths all day but fuck it! That doesn't stress me!
And all it really boils down to is how you perceive problems and the like. Either you let it get to you or you don't. Now everyone have a nice day :)4 -
In a job interview with panel of 4 people and I can't seem to communicate with them properly. OMG I spent 2 days in front of the mirror practicing communication skills.
Oh fuck!1 -
Fuck you javascript. You're the worst. Fuck you fuck you. Why I became a fucking frontend developer. Fuck me and my stupid idea to get hired as a...
Oh nvm found the bug. JS is za best.1 -
Just because I didn't get the logic of your labyrinth testing script doesn't mean I'm a bad programmer! Why the fuck do you choose which programmers to get with a Shit labyrinth JS script. I got all the programming right and now I probably won't get the job because of this.
Oh yeah and I did apply for a php job btw. -
God, I wish there was a hybrid distro, between Debian and arch.
A big as fuck repo and update-alternatives like in Debian, but with pacman and makepkg.
Oh, and without systemd.5 -
Motherfuck oh clients! My goodness their requirements.
They want a tiny part of an app load inside an iframe in a different app and have the data communicate both ways and the ui should look seamless and mobile responsive too.
What the actual fuck? iframe in 2016 ? Seriously?5 -
Oh Trump you illiterate fuck! In whos interest is this shit?
What will be next? Banning USA factories like Apple from China? Nobody will profit from it but the whole world can se how big dick you have...16 -
My badass dev moment was when I read a valve white paper on text rendering and implemented a dynamic text version of it in webgl. That white paper was about signed distance fields and how to hack the alpha channel of an image to bake in some font smoothing data.... Holy fuck that felt good. Oh and it looked good too!1
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How one's inner and outer behaviour would be, when you boss is bullshitting you ?
Outer me : oh is it, wow you are knowledgeable person.
Inner me: fuck you bitch, get the fuck out. You lame sob..!!!3 -
Reading over a note I left myself "Numbers returned will be slightly off due to new implementation and the Fuck that we use a different dataset"
Oh boy. This was there for 2 weeks, Im so lucky no one saw this. -
Does ever Code make you cry badly?? Specially when you thought that task is simple and you can do it easily and then you realize oh fuck :(
5 -
Debugging a feature that has a reciprocal effect on an other feature is like being given the task to make a toggle switch perfectly flat.
"Oh look, I fixed that bug in feature A. But fuck, now there is a bug in feature B. Perfect, now the bug in feature B is gone. Ah crap now feature A is broken again"
FML -
Oh my gosh... IT Helpdesk people piss me off!!!!! Get the fuck out of my way let me fix my own problem, give me admin rights! Damnit
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Working on my new WebSite/Shop while discovering an Error....
I got a "Download" button as <input> that triggers an JS-Script that makes a POST-Request to a target=_blank, that downloads the file via a header (so that people won't know where the content is located, but I blocked the source with .htaccess, too)
So the error: While testing in Mozilla everything worked fine, but as soon as I switched to Chrome THAT FUCKING STUPID DOWNLOAD PAGE WON'T FUCKING OPEN! I HAD TO CHANGE IT FROM AN INPUT TO AN DIV AND TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT IT COSTED ME FUCKING 1 HOUR! FUCK YOU CHROME! FUCK YOU! YES YOU FUCK YOU! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! MOZILLA IS FASTER WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL USE YOU BESIDES OF PORN! OH WAIT I DON'T EVEN WATCH PORN BETTER UNINSTALL YOU NOW! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU6 -
Why oh why it's so fucking hard to update perl on gentoo!?
It just shows how broken portage as become.
And everyone seems to have it's own magic incantation of emerge/qlist
Fucking fuck piece of shit gentoo is becoming5 -
Friday night : oh look at all these frameworks/package/tricks I heard about this week, time to test them !
Saturday night : well I guess I'll sleep better tomorrow...
Sunday night : fuck ! -
SHIT FUCK I THINK I LOST MY VISA CARD
OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
IT WAS LITERALLY THE ONLY WAY I PAY (besides Bitcoin)
god fucking duck me in uranus, now I gotta pay money to get a replacement. Besides that, my parents are going to be pissed off, aaaand I might end up finding it somewhere.
I probably dropped it while pulling out my phone. I don't know why I thought putting it in the same pocket with my phone was a good choice. Just as I don't know if it was a good choice to learn Java
*shot fired*6 -
Oh yeah Google why don't you just change the parameter order of functions, remove entire functions between minor versions, and not put a single example on your API docs? And force devs to add 30 lines of boilerplate and start an http server so I can run the debugger? Fuck tensor flow, I'm moving to pytorch.2
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Unraid, you piece of lovely SHIT...
I love that it has this really easy expandable storage pool, and the ease of installing plugins...
Plex runs perfect on it... so does sonarr (mostly)...
but why the loving FUCK did it have to crash every. 4. fucking. days.
oh... wait... im fucking retarded...
the USB stick I use isnt 32gb... its 64...
fuck...
FUCK THIS!
IM FUCKING OUT OF HERE!
Oh, and dont get me started on ZFS...
Please, use RAID instead of ZFS if you have a NAS... dont use ZFS... it wasnt made for this... it was made to run in enterprise enviroments... hell, even THE Enterprise...1 -
Software development process
0:I can't fix this
1:Crisis of confidence
2:Questions career
3:Questions life
4:Oh fuck it was a typo ,chill :3 -
Fuck my life, my morning was very variable it went from "in 4 day's the DB server domain will expire and will be screwed" (was created by a collaborator before my time in the company and not is going dark) to "oh here is the server and there is even daily backups" so it ended well but it was a hell of a journey.
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God I HATE UNRAID! FUCK THIS PIECE OF JUNK
CRASHING EVERY FEW FUCKING HOURS
AND. I. CANT. EVEN. GET. A. FUCKING. LOG. FILE! LIKE WHAT THE HELL!
Oh, its sooo reliable they said, use Unraid they said, the docker support is amazing, they said...
FUCK IT! FUCK THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE!
I JUST WANT TO RUN PLEX AND SONARR ON ONE FUCKING MACHINE, AND UNRAID IS JUST LIKE: yeah, its a good time to crash now, YEET!
and its gone...2 -
public Geopoint(double latitude, double longitude)
{
Latitude = latitude;
Longitude = Longitude;
}
Me: "why is the longitude always 0"
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Good job that didn't make it onto Nuget... oh, wait, yeah it did.6 -
The moment, when you wait for the clash of code at codingame to start, while surfing on the web......
"Oh it has already started.."
"Oh fuck! Its fastest code..."
😩 -
Oh shit I've had way to much caffeine 🤤
Heart is full on racing I haven't had any for a few weeks and I just had 2 relentless... High caffeine energy drinks
Oh fuck.... Loud music and hype might help !?
Anyone? -
I hate those people that comment on threads saying shit like “just google it” or “oh fuck another [insert popular topic] thread we don’t need another one.” Fuck off. It’s an online discussion forum. If it’s shit content the mods will remove it, otherwise no one is forcing your sorry, lonely pathetic ass to stop scrolling, click the thread, and read the god damn post. Just fucking turn off your computer and read a book.2
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Asdfghjkl keys does not work! Not git push, no save! Oh fuck my screen was locked so no on-screen keyboard! Mother fuck! Is this a quick solve for MBP? New keyboard cost £14.99 on eBay.2
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Dear TYPO3, choke on my massive dick! Been working with it for a week now. It would be more pleasant to pleasure myself rectally with a 20cm cactus than working with this piece of shit! Why the fuck would you think that we need typoscript? Why the fuck are you using numbers as variables? I don't get why this abnormality is still allowed to exist. And fuck people that publish tools and extensions that are used by everyone just to drop support on the next LTS. And, oh look, I just have to add these four extensions that are from the same person and are dependencies for each other to my composer. Oh WTF, why is nothing working anymore? AND WHY THE HELL IS THIS FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE AS COMMUNICATIVE AS MY STUPID EX GIRLFRIEND?
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Fucking shitty agencies promoting their marketing solutions. Oh, you can make a shitty WordPress landing page with SEO plugin and launch some ads, just for 500€? Fuck you, and fuck you for not telling your customers how little support you provide, how shitty devs you employ, and how little work you actually do. And royally fuck you for telling customers how everyone else is too expensive for doing a proper job, only to have them come crying for help after your bullshit gets hacked and all your marketing solutions get flagged for spam.2
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Microsoft one drive
I know you wanna sync my folder
I know you wanna provide a one drive alias to every file
But who the fuck in their right fucking mind makes a alias with space in path
Oh you dumb piece of shit 🤬3 -
Me: Oh yes this is easy, i will fix it in 5 minutes..
*Deploys the solution to debug it*
*waits 20 minutes....*
(the message says "installation is in progress")
Just fuck you SharePoint Online.
1 -
They want me to change a few details in the CSS in a wordpress website. The theme supports some extra CSS. However, it doesn't seem to work without !important.
Turns out there's a line of CSS dumped in the <head> directly that overrides all "extra" CSS... and about 9 <link> instances after that... oh and some random <style> tags after that...
Oh and rounding shouldn't be done with CSS but with some custom button style editor. For each button. Seperately. Because fuck my life.1 -
Contributing to big repositories on git be like,
and here goes my push,
Wait, I need to rebase
Ok, done, now push
Oh fuck, I need to rebase again.
The cycle goes on 😓 -
My school:
Oh yeah starting 5th year of CS!
"You have to take this year 1 course"
"WHY?!"
"Because fuck you, that's why!" -
Any time there is a meeting it is the worst.
Suddenly, there's a voice in my head that constantly says, "shut the fuck up!"
I want to let that voice out but that'd just be poor "soft skills."
Oh well.
When I sit down at look at code again the voice will go away.. Or will it?1
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