Details
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AboutMD
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SkillsVueJS, Couchbase, Python
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LocationIstanbul, TR
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Website
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Github
Joined devRant on 5/28/2016
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So today our CFO stepped into IT and angrily proclaimed someone using tech@ e-mail and fake name is defrauding company funds buying themselves... "used female lingerie with extra virgin juice" (sic!).
I work for an IPSP, we handle finance for commercial services (think PayPal but smaller). One of our clients is a big platform where girls can sell items like bath water, used socks and more. CFO demanded our admins found out who and when connected to that website, what URLs and so on.
As mentioned, said platform is pretty big, hence, from time to time we help them with their service when they ask us to, that's why we have a tech@ account. Last month there was a minor issue with one of the banks, someone fixed it and, as per usual, made a small payment of €1 topping up the account wallet to make sure everything works. It was an intern whose will to live is still strong and unencumbered with experience so she jokingly wrote "panties juice, extra virgin" in the payment note. What she *didn't know*, however, is that admins on that platform used the very same account to test new billing system they've implemented and our CFO received an invoice.9 -
🎉 As of today, I can proudly count myself among the members of the "Killed Prod on A Friday Afternoon" club. 🎉16
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Me 5 years ago : "Guys we are gonna have a perf..."
CEO : "Not now, we need to deliver that functionality asap"
Me 3 years ago : "Guys, performances/scalibiluity will hit us like a trucK'
CEO : "Not nowem a new functionality needs to be done ASAP"
Me 1 year ago : "We are gonna be hit by a tank. We won't even understand what happens"
CEO : "I'm sure we can manage"
2 Days ago : Plateform quasiment down, response time in MIONUTES instead of milliseconds, database on fire.
CEO : "WHAT THE FUCK !!! GO FIXC I ASAP WE CANNOT HAVE THAT SHIT HAPPEN".
This is a brief summaru of working in a startup.9 -
Interviewer: For this next code challenge you will not be allowed to use the internet, or an IDE.
Dev: …
Interviewer: OR a keyboard OR a mouse. I will be verbalizing the code to you and you need to memorize it and tell me where the bugs are.
Dev: …
Interviewer: We must do this exercise to know how you are as a dev without any performance enhancing “aid”. This way we can understand where you are truly at skill-wise, and what you are truly worth from a compensation perspective.
Dev: …
Dev: If I get a job with you will I be allowed to use the internet and an IDE and a keyboard/mouse?
Interview: Of course you would! Getting anything done without those is just about impossible. We just need to evaluate you without them to see how good you REALLY are.
Dev: …20 -
PM in daily: your turn. what have you done yesterday?
me: so i finished my PR for feature x and now i'm only waiting for review feedback there, so i can close this ticket today if no major rework is required-
PM: this is not what i asked, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.
me: uhh... okay, also i started working on task x
[note: task x, a task per definition involving a large amount of research, was very coarsly defined and it wasn't even clear to the PM what he exactly expects from me, and we agreed that the scope needs to be refined in the process],
so as a first step, i started doing some general investigations to get an overview of the topic and learn about concepts a and b-
PM: again, i don't want to know what you did, i want to know what was done.
me: okay well, i have DONE basic research on topic xy and collected information-
PM: this still does not answer my question, what's the deliverable?
me: ...so uhhh.... i read papers? i researched info online and collected and prepared information and links in a presentation which i'm also planning to present to the team-
PM: okay, can you please split your jira task in subtasks so everyone knows exactly what you're working on? otherwise we have no idea what you're doing.
for fuck's sake, shut up. just shut up22 -
Storytime!
Manager: Hey fullstackchris, the maps widget on our app stopped working recently...
Dev: (Skeptical, little did he know) Sigh... probably didn't raise quota or something stupid... Logs on to google cloud console to check it out...
Google Dashboard: Your bill.... $5,197 (!!!!!!) Payment method declined (you think?!)
Dev: 😱 WTF!?!?!! (Calls managers) Uh, we have HUGE problem, charges for $5000+ in our google account, did you guys remove the quota limits or not see any limit reached warnings!?
Managers: Uh, we didn't even know that an API could cost money, besides, we never check that email account!
Dev: 🤦♂️ yeah obviously you get charged, especially when there have literally been millions of requests. Anyway, the bigger question is where or how our key got leaked. Somewhat started hammering one of the google APIs with one of our keys (Proceeds to hunt for usages of said API key in the codebase)
Dev: (sweating 😰) did I expose an API key somewhere? Man, I hope it's not my fault...
Terminal: grep results in, CMS codebase!
Dev: ah, what do we have here, app.config, seems fine.... wait, why did they expose it to a PUBLIC endpoint?!
Long story short:
The previous consulting goons put our Angular CMS JSON config on a publicly accessible endpoint.
WITH A GOOGLE MAPS API KEY.
JUST CHILLING IN PLAINTEXT.
Though I'm relieved it wasn't my fault, my faith in humanity is still somewhat diminished. 🤷♂️
Oh, and it's only Monday. 😎
Cheers!11 -
Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!
Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday
Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.
Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things
Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!
Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through
Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!
Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.
Manager: !!
// *************
Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.20 -
Manager: Have you fixed the problem?
Dev: What’s the problem?
Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!
Dev: …11 -
Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …19 -
Thursday
PM: Hey why is A delayed? It should be top priority.
me: I just completed B, and C which were also top priority but got scheduled earlier, so I thought they..
PM: Agh, yes. But can you then finish A by the end of week? it would be very important!
me: No, I unfortunately don't think I'd have enough time by the end of wee..
PM: Why? This should be *the* top priority task. You should not start other tickets before A is done.
me: Exactly. But I *just* started. And. I. don't. have. enough. free. hours. left. this. week.
PM: But why?!
me: So just on Friday I have these 5 meetings here..
*shows calendar*
PM: Ok... OK! Then don't attend those before you are done. This should be more important.
me: Ugh, oh-key...are you sure?
PM: Yea, just let who invited you know that you can't attend and feel free to cc me in, I'll explain A is most important atm.
me: Ok, thanks, but that won't be necessary.
PM: What? Why?
me: You invited me to the Friday meetings.
Obviously I had to attend all 5 meetings today and A is pushed back to next week. :)10 -
I was hired as a senior software engineer. During handover I found out I'm actually replacing the CTO.
I queried why he was leaving and got a simple "just want a break from working" which I found odd.
Fast forward and now I also just want a break from work, permanently. This place has followed every bad practise and big no-no out there. Every bit of software is a built in house knockoff janky piece of crap that doesn't work and makes people's jobs 5000 times harder.
The UI looks worse than Windows 3.1, absolutely horrendous code formatting, worst database structure I've ever seen.
The mere mention of using a team communication tool results in being yelled at from the CEO whom communicates purely via email, who then gets annoyed when you don't reply because they sent the email to a client instead of you.
We get handed printed out "tickets" to work instead of the so called "amazing in house ticket system" built using PHP 5 and is literally crammed into an 800x600 IFrame. Yes a F$*#ing IFRAME!
It's not like we have an outdated TFS server that has work items we can use...
Why not push for changes you say. I have, many times, tried to suggest better tools. The only approval I've gotten is using PhpStorm. Everything else is shutdown immediately and you get the silent treatment.
The CEO hired me to do a job, then micromanages like crazy. I can't make UI changes, I can't make database changes, why? They insists they know best, but has admitted multiple times to not knowing SQL and literally uses a drag and drop database table builder.
Every page in the webapps we make are crammed into 800x600 iframes with more iframes inside iframes. And every time it's pointed out we need to do something, be it from internal staff or client suggestions, the CEO goes off about how the UI is industry leading and follows standards.. what in the actual f....
Literally holding on by a thread here. Why hire a CTO under the guise of being a senior developer but then reduce the work that can be done down to the level of a junior?
Sure the paycheck is really nice but no job is worth the stress, harassment and incompetent leadership from the CEO.
They've verbally abused people to the point they resign, best part is that was simply because the CEO made serious legal mistakes, was told about it by the employee then blamed it on others.21 -
Manager: so how long will feature A take?
Me: about a week.
Manager: and feature B?
Me: also a week.
Manager: how about C?
Me: another week
Manager: great! then we can finish the project in a week!
THAT'S NOT HOW MATH WORKS9 -
Client: "I did not receive the email that should be send after that event. Please fix."
Me:
* Checks code - ok
* Tests feature in locally - ok
* Tests feature in production - ok
* checks values in database - ok
* 2 hours wasted - ok
"Please help me dear CTO, idk what else I could check or how I should even respond to this."
CTO: "hmm, the clients account uses a adminstrative email address for testing. Let me just check if it is in the mailbox."
*checks* "Yeah, that's the email you're looking for, right?"
Me: *experiences relief, anger, blood lust and disappointment at the same time* "Could you please respond to the client for me, I need a break. Thanks"3 -
Marketing: it's not working...
Me: *fixes bug and pushes changes in less than 5 mins*
Me: Well it's working for me
Marketing: strange... it wasn't working 5 minutes ago...
I love their faces of confusion haha11 -
My friend silently quited his job. He simply stopped coming to work and that is OK, because his contract expired last Monday. He worked for very bad company, where everyone was braging about how awesome dev they are and know everything better than him. Since company forgot to talk with him about contract renewal or to find a replacement, they are now in big troubles because braggers broke production and none know how to fix it :)7
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Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?
Student: Yessss
Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?
Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]
Interviewer: I get it but how?
Student: By not building any web applications.
[Silence]
Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.19 -
Me: "We should remove that popup"
Marketer: "But our A/B testing statistics show a 14% increase in signups to our newsletter, and people who get our newsletter are 4% more likely to buy something"
Me: "0.14x0.04... so slightly more than half a percent improvement. And you also qualitatively measured how many people decide to never visit the page again, just because of that popup? Did you measure the how many internet users with adblockers run into a broken webpage? Did you measure the amount of emails to support from users who can't unsubscribe from the newsletter because there is no unsubscribe link?"
Marketer: "Why would they want to unsubscribe? The newsletter adds value to our users!"
Me: 😩26 -
Not mine, found this on Reddit, still a good read
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I work in IT as a lead developer, as in I run the department. One of my team leads is female, let's call her Ripley. She is young, smart, and a great dev.
Today she met with a new customer to discuss a big project. Project management sent a male project manager (Hicks).
It started perfectly with Customer asking Ripley for coffee. He's informed about her status and mutters something like an apology. He is visibly unhappy.
He then proceeds to ask Hicks technical questions despite having been told that Ripley will answer all the technical stuff. Ripley tries to answer questions. Customer ignores Ripley and continues talking to Hicks.
Hicks tells him politely that Ripley is the one to talk to, since he is not a dev and unable to help him. Ripley tries again to explain stuff.
Customer gets angry and demands another developer, since Ripley is "obviously far too young for a project of this complexity". Ripley rolls her eyes and leaves. Not the first time this happens.
Hicks smoothes the waves and tells the customer that the senior lead developer will personally answer all his questions. Customer is satisfied.
I walk in and calmly introduce myself.
The customer - now far less satisfied - was forced to discuss all his questions with yours truly, the 47 year old female IT nerd. I was very professional, friendly, and businesslike, he was visibly uncomfortable and irritated by the situation.
It's petty and stupid, but man, it felt great watching his face fall when I entered. I've been in Ripley's shoes far too often and today I heard 23 old me cheering me on.
Ripley loved it as well. She made sure to smile extra brightly at customer when she walked past the meeting room on her way to the coffee machine.
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https://reddit.com/r/...18 -
Client: The webpage has been inaccessible all weekend!!
Me: Oh you mean the page you need to have a VPN connection to access?
Client: Yes that one!
Me: Are you connected to the VPN?
Client: Oh...no I'm not. *connects to VPN* Its working now.5
