Thought there’d be peeps here who could relate.

Not algo (it's recent) but like algo, so algo?

#illuminati #showerthoughts

Really IBM? Selling certificates to own employees that are valid only inside the company? A bit greedy from my point of view.

I prefer silent kills.

× open Jira ticket classified as a BUG REPORT
× Title: "Mike"
× Description: "Mike is working with us"
× assign it to Mike

× reopen it every time it's closed

Bought a Microsoft surface (3 pro) from a colleague (more about how that runs later).

It had only one USB port and I definitely need more so started searching online for docks. They mostly seem to be about 100+ euro and all have hdmi ports and other shit other than USB ports as well but I don't need that.

Fuck it, let's get creative (and fuck 100 euro for something like this)!

Double sided tape (however you call that) + 2 euro USB dock:

Works like a charm!

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: devRant Podcast #3 (Feat: Mark Zuckerberg)
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◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►⠀⠀　　⠀ 4:𝟷𝟾 / 𝟷𝟹:37 ᴴᴰ Sound ❐ ⊏⊐

I just mistyped a keyboard shortcut that caused my computer to say «I AM FILO AND EVERYONE LOVES ME» at full volume.
I have no memory of leaving a script attached to some random shortcut, and I can't find the setting anywhere.
Young me was a narcissistic asshole

Collegue: hrrrrrrrrrrrrr *mumbles something*
Me: Rawrrrrrrrrr (the sexual'ish kind)
Collegue: Hmmm what?
Me: Miaaaaaaauwwwww 😏😉
Collegue: Duuuus.... (English something like "sooo...."
Me: x x x x ("kisses") 😏 *😘*

(I know I can do this with him for the record)

*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

Finally it's happening
https://security.googleblog.com/201...

Dad: why do these forms ask me to fill those random characters(captcha)

Me: to verify that you are human

Dad: as if animals can use computers

Me: 😅

Today, a team mate has sent me this picture: he found this Olivetti in the street, near a trash bin. He will take it to the office next Monday so we are going to troll other team mates with this new and fantastic mechanical keyboard!!

Other services : Please type your phone number to verify that it is you. It will be only used for verification process.
Me : Sure, why not? (Happily types in my number)

Facebook : Please type your phone number to verify that it is you.
Me : Hmmm (sees help)
Facebook : It will be used for verification process and will be visible to your friends. You can always change the scope settings.
Me : (reads as...) It will be used for verification process and will be visible to your friends and will be automatically sent to the NSA for free. You can always change the scope settings when you become the CEO of Facebook.

#deletefacebook

1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

Super stoked. Hubby just gave me this. Now to binge read and see how much I can learn and understand in a short period 😁😁🤩🤩

What is motivation? 🤔

So Microsoft buys GitHub...

I'm gonna build my own Blockchain, with blackjack and hookers.

Hi everyone,
I am working in a company where the pay is not that great but i am learning newer technologies here. And now I am getting a offer from a company where the pay will be decent but not so sure that I will learn that much.
Need advise which one should i choose.

3 in 1
---

If your project needs more than three sentences to describe and the budget is not in the high four digits or preferably five, then you're clearly not fucking paying enough

---

Clients that just write a "?" after you wrote a very detailed tutorial, which even a fucking skunk could do, if given a fucking mouse and keyboard, are just the fucking laboratory perfection made retards

---

I just LOVE IT when my internet drops out for under a minute, so windows doesn't notify you yet and your sftp client trashes both local and remote files

I've now got one or more vpn servers in the following countries:
England
France
Germany
Bulgaria
New Zealand (coming soon)
Singapore
Netherlands (coming soon)
Canada

Finally have my own worldwide 'network' of vpn servers 😊

*me reading @Alice 's cake recipe

"biscuits violently dismembered"
"dark as our souls."
"slowly and painfully molten butter"
"press your victim tightly against it"
"before it freezes to death"
"Put it into the oven and torture your victim"
"so it fills the hole in its heart"

Well... Wut. Da. Frigging. Heck. I've. Just. Read.

"I think design would be better if designers were much more skeptical about its applications. If you believe in the potency of your craft, where you choose to dole it out is not something to take lightly." - Frank Chimero

We build a backup infrastructure at work to make sure that clients can restore their files and databases themselves when something gets fucked up.

We also have step by step tutorial on how to do this.

Every fucking day we get requests to restore backups.

Mostly used reason is "I'm a technical so I won't understand it".
With all due respect, if you don't understand this and keep asking without even trying, please don't host with us.
Because, if you did as I asked and actually read through the entire article, you would.
In case you're wondering, anytime one of us asks what part they don't understand, that question is simply ignored and they pushing for us restoring it anyways continues.

Sometimes they get angry and want to talk to someone higher up or start complaining that they're paying loads of money already and that it would just take us a second anyways.

If you would read the fucking tutorial/manual instead of trying to eat out your mother's badly shaved pussy and hopefully choke on it while you're at it, you wouldn't come asking us for it.
If you genuinely don't understand this article, feel free to ask but also provide us with cocksucking feedback.

Why do you think you have the right anyways to ask us to do it for free? We maintain the backup infrastructure which definitely isn't cheap but we do it so that you, pubic sniffing weazel, can do this shit on your fucking own.

You're entitled to ask us for help but not for asking us to restore your bullshit for free every freaking time.

Tip: give your parents some condoms. Because that way they hopefully won't reproduce again, we don't need more of you in this universe.

Me: hey look, the time is gone!
Collegue:........?
Me:...... you don't see it? 😅😆
Collegue: no......?
Me: 4:04 🤣
Collegue: *gives death stare*
Me: 😞☹️

You know GDPR compliance is going to create a whole new form of scam where scammers impersonate users and send data requests to companies to get people's info.

Found on Reddit, with @vanz

Me: what's makes your project awesome?

Friend : we use machine learning

Me: Anything else

Friend : Nothing

Me: 🙄

When i get ask to implement encryption methods in my code