Client: "This has been broken for weeks! Why is it still broken!?!?"

Me: "Did you tell anyone it was broken?"

Client: "Well...um...no..."

I may be good at my job, but I have not been able to (nor do I want to) develop mind-reading abilities. Now please fuck off (so that I can go fix it).

Why did I laugh at this for six solid minutes omg I’m at work

On point.....

.............

You know you are in silicon valley when you see an ad for redis

Not easy to spot

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

Twice today I've spoken up in meetings and was totally ignored. I guess my idea wasn't even worth a reply? :-/

Five minutes later: oh, right, I forgot I'd muted myself.

- @bradfitz

Hitler sort: Delete every odd element.

No doubts, the software engineers suggested this.

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

There is people actually doing this, believe it or not 😲😂

> had an exam with a friend

> we both go to comp sci college

> had to write a fucked up algorithm in matlab

> he hates matlab

> he completes the task

> the variable that outputs the result is called holocaust

> he gets sent to dean

> expelled

protip: learn metric abbreviations and save even 90%!!!11!

Literally my job be like...

> Woke up at 03:30 because I am on call and a server went down
> Fixed shit and went to bed
> could not sleep,
> fuck it, drive to work.
> arrive at the office at 04:30
> I can scream stupid shit and noone would hear
> *grin*

I like how I didn’t get he was talking about cars for a solid minute

I have a teacher that does nothing but reading from powerpoint slides.
Wrote a script that does a better job.

THE FUTURE

OMG I have no clue why they're leaving
- Every asshole manager ever

When your friends know what to gift you

Those are actually real suggestions. I'm not even mad, that's amazing.

At work, someone’s desk is blocking the fire exit.

Binary is easy to teach

Shit... I just got my phone stolen. Realized it 40 seconds post factum [left it at the shop counter and someone took it].
20 minutes later called the police [cuz I had to get home and use wife's phone].
5 min later poluce arrived
10 min later they got all they could from shop's security officer.
Police officer asks me to login my samsung acc on his phone. 2 minutes later we are on the way to the exact location my phone is at.
15 minutes later officer hands me my samsung 😁

got my phone back in less than an hour after theft.

maybe... Ummm... Maybe all this tracking thing is not that bad...?

😁 = 💻

Depression is like email newsletters, nobody signed up for that shit and the unsubscribe link never works 🙈 fuck that 📧

Absolutely me. Any Dev girls want a guy like me😁

alias cd..="cd .."

For halloween, lets scare the shit out of every Windows user...