Details
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SkillsGo, Javascript, Typescript, PHP, CSS, Bash
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Locationcharlotte.nc.us
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Github
Joined devRant on 4/21/2016
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I found that the best place to work on code was at one of my best friends' apartment because:
- cat
- comfortable desk with more screens that I could ever wish for
- coffee AND beer machines at one arm extension from the desk
- cat8 -
Fuck it I’m posting it again because I got got by this…Again.
If this is how you write your APIs, take a number, get in line. I got some slapping to get out of my system.7 -
* Updates and adds unit tests *
* Runs unit tests *
* All tests pass *
What the fuck? I'm not THAT good to write tests that pass on the first iteration.
* Runs unit tests *
* All tests pass *
Someting's not right here.
* Checks terminal *
FUCK I'm in the wrong project folder2 -
I once worked until 8am to get a demo ready for a client of the client. I knew the client was a bit thick, so I made some comprehensive video demos and sent them over to him, to save him trying to demo it himself. I wake up at 11am with him screaming down the phone at me:
“It doesn’t work, none of it works!”
“What do you mean?”
“I go to login and I can’t enter anything.”
“I haven’t sent you anything to log into...wait, are you trying to log into a video? Tell me you’re not trying to log into a video of a login page.”
“Uh...oh hang on, it just worked. Ok no pr-“
“No wait, what do you mean it worked?”
“I logged in fine.”
“It’s a video. You can’t log into a video.”
“Uh...alright, bye mate, thanks!”
The moral of the story is: never assume any level of intelligence on the part of a client, even if they exhibit signs of it at first. If they are paying you they will forget how to tie their own shoelaces.10 -
Talking with colleagues earlier about dealing with a cocky intern:
"Ah, I had one of those last year. I told him to make sure when using the find command, always use the -delete flag to clear up any temporary files it creates while it's searching."
"Man, that's harsh. Did that take him down a peg?"
"Nah, not at all, but he never spoke to me again after that, so I'm calling it a win."1 -
Every week is the same. Wake up, new jira ticket. “Build us a pink house”.
*i build a house*
Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house doesn’t have sprinklers”
They didn’t ask for sprinklers. This is not a bug. *i add sprinklers*
Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ASAP ASAP ASAP”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house is pink.”
HOW IS THAT A BUG TWO DAYS AGO IT WAS LITERALLY A REQUIREMENT
Meanwhile management makes triple my salary6 -
Is there any other programmer that started as an architect (building architect, not IT)?
I'm divided between two different careers and working around 15hours a day because I can't focus on one. Is this a normal thing?
I work as an architect for the past 6 years and were always interested in the technology part of it.
Soon I got to be a BIM coordinator and started using Dynamo for Revit.
After that, I got involved in learning Python and now start studying web dev (front-end)
Programming is very addictive! I get it now why IT people stay in their dorm like it's a cave
In architecture there's always a client you need to make happy, while in programming I create things the away I want them to be, without all the boring formalities that I am used to.
I can learn it for free and there's a huge community to help on it. All careers should be like this.
I'm happy, but really tired 😪 my social life is resumed to hanging out with my dogs5 -
Coding-related ads are always entertaining. They nearly always contain easily spotted nonsense and error-filled code. Not even sure where to start with this one...9
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I came up with a horrendous Java joke while I was away from devRant.
What happens when someone cuts off someone's index finger?
java.lang.NullPointerException: null4 -
Boss: Give me unrestricted access in the system.
Me: It's dangerous. You might break something.
Boss: I'll be careful.
Me: *gives access*
This happened 2 years ago. Now every week he deletes something he shouldn't and break a module for him or for the clients using our system.
Just woke up in a rant email saying that "oUr OnLiNe StOrE DoEs NoT wOrK". Well, that's because you have delete the Cart configuration for all the clients you dumbass. What the fuck were you thinking when you deleted that?16 -
Pop (onomatopoeia) : The sound your managed gigabit switch makes when you accidentally plug it into the power supply of your 48-volt power-over-Ethernet switch instead of its usual 9-volt supply.13
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Finishing off an all nighter the best way I know how (well most practical because the best way isn't entirely possible lol).11
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I swear all my clients are like these! I can probably teach a blind monkey faster than these idiots.
PC: marketoonist4 -
NASA’s Mars 2020 rover is heading to the red planet and they are giving a chance to send your names with it, yet another time. → https://mars.nasa.gov/participate/...14
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"Please add a feature to check the user's internet connection before the application starts."
-- THIS IS A GOD DAMN WEB APPLICATION, YOU DUMB MORONS! Maybe I should add a feature next that checks for the user's computer being turned on or what? How about making sure the application isn't run when the power is out?!
Jesus fuck.14 -
New password cannot be one of your four previous passwords.
Password must conatin upper and lower case characters, at least two numbers and two special characters
Password cannot contain five or more consecutive letters of username.
Password cannot include any _illegal patterns_.
Locked out of your system? Drive over to HQ and ask the admins to reset your password in person.6 -
Team quarterly capacity planning:
- Confluence document created with a big table (+100 rows) by product / business. Each row is something that needs to be worked on for the coming quarter.
- Row 1 could be an Epic with 15 tickets attached. Row 2 could be adding a single log to our analytics. No consistency.
- For each row, we create a separate confluence document with the "technical details". 75% of the time these remain blank. 1% of the time there is something useful, the rest its a slightly longer version of the description from the bigger document.
- Each row gets a high level estimate by the leads. 50% of the time without sufficient background info to actually do get it accurate.
- These are then copied into the teams excel spreadsheet, where it will calculate if we are over/under capacity.
- We will go backwards and forwards between confluence and excel until we are "close enough" to under capacity without being too much.
- Once done, we then need to copy them into the org/division's excel spreadsheet. This document is huge, has every team on it and massive 50pt text saying "Do not put a filter on this document".
- Jira tickets + Epics will now be created for each one, with all the data be copied over by hand, bit by bit, by product. Often missing something.
- Last week, at the end of this process for Q2 (2 weeks late), 6 of the leads were asked to attend a 30 minute meeting to discuss how to group the line items together because we had too many for the bigger excel spreadsheet.
- This morning I was told business weren't happy with one of our decisions to delay one line item. Although they were all top priority (P0), one of them was actually higher than that again (P-1?) and we need to work it back in.
... so back to step 1
- Mid way through Q2, a new document will be created for Q3. Work items that didn't make the cut will be manually copied from one to the other. 50/50 whether anything that didn't get done on time in Q2 will make its way to the Q3 doc.
- "Tech excellence" / "Tech debt" items (unit/UI tests, documentation, logging, performance, stability etc) will never be copied over. Because product doesn't understand them and assumes therefore that they are unimportant.
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PS: I'd like to say this was a rare event for Q2, but no. Q4 and Q1 were so bad, we were made assurances from the director of engineering that he would fix this process for Q2. This is the new and improved process (I shit you not) that has resulted in nothing tangible.7 -
"Potimized imports and remopved temp code"
Can't help but wonder what's the code quality like from an author of such a carefully written commit message 🤔3 -
That moment when your manager tells you that he's okay with ultra-flexible schedules, because "I trusts you 100%. You proved your value, please come late if you prefer"
I love my job11 -
Don't let the guy writing the client define the API. You'll end up with an API that only works for that client.5