They hire you as an intern and then they make you work like a Tech Lead.

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

Fuck Realtek and their drivers. That's all.

.... VS code is lit🔥🔥

Ugh. My team is going to do a team-building happy hour over zoom next week.

This facts are killing me

"During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, "P = 0 or N = 1." Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the whiteboard."

"Compilers don't warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers."

"gcc -O4 emails your code to Jeff Dean for a rewrite."

"When Jeff Dean sends an ethernet frame there are no collisions because the competing frames retreat back up into the buffer memory on their source nic."

"When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard."

"When Jeff Dean designs software, he first codes the binary and then writes the source as documentation."

"When Jeff has trouble sleeping, he Mapreduces sheep."

"When Jeff Dean listens to mp3s, he just cats them to /dev/dsp and does the decoding in his head."

"Google search went down for a few hours in 2002, and Jeff Dean started handling queries by hand. Search Quality doubled."

"One day Jeff Dean grabbed his Etch-a-Sketch instead of his laptop on his way out the door. On his way back home to get his real laptop, he programmed the Etch-a-Sketch to play Tetris."

"Jeff Dean once shifted a bit so hard, it ended up on another computer. "

FOAAS (Fuck Off As A Service):
https://www.foaas.com/

I think it's pretty obvious why.

7/4/2018

I can never read this date properly

Is this 7th april
Or is this 4th july????

Fuck your american date format

Stackoverflow vs documentation

I fucking hate cpanel

You know you are in silicon valley when you see an ad for redis

I am the internet...

PM: By when can you do this?
Me: Monday
PM: Which monday?
Me: Exactly

If you are not wasting your 10hours to automate your half hour work then you are not a real programmer.

How to fail (successfully):

Build your startup with Firebase.

I don't write CSS
I have a guy for that

*erection intensifies*

(I'm fucking pumped for fuschia in case anyone hasn't noticed)

My life partener and best friend is in the hospital with a heart attack. 😞

Phonegap(<~>)studio??

Client: This new feature is not working on Internet Explorer.
Me: Do you have enough oxygen in the cave you are living in?

If we are living in a simulation then I am pretty sure that the quantum mechanics part was written in javascript.

Something's fishy

Mechanical Calculator, 1936. The technology marvel of it's time.

Currently sat in an airport writing shit code. But soon be in Italy writing shit code.

Just interviewed a guy with ~8 years of experience:
Me: *Asked him to write a simple algo logic on a paper*

Him: I don't do much of algo design. I'm much of a design patterns and software design guy.

Me: How would you design a singleton class in Java?

Him: *writes a sloppy code*

Me: Hey, thanks for your time. Our HR will get back to you with further updates.

Moral: Interviews can be very short when the candidate doesn't code.

This happened via mail thread today.

Boss: we need this new brilliant feature I just made up and running asap! Top priority, it has to be done well, for my reputation is on the line!

Me: *looks at the specifics* 'kay, looks easy enough, this evening max and it will be ready. I just nees some extra info about what kind of data validations (I speak no accountant) are needed, and some other details (a total of 3 questiona).

B: Sure! Remember, it needs to be perfect, as my reputation is at stake. Call me on the phone and I'll give you the details!

M: Can't you answer via mail? Thua way both me and the other devs will have clewr guidelines

B: Just call me! Why do you need it to be written down? It's faster this way!

...Fine. I'll keep asking until you're ready to give me a written answer to my questions. No way I'll take security details via phone for something you want in production this evening. No chance in Hell I'll take responsibility for "misunderstanding" what you said on the phone. Why does it always has to be like that?

WordPress has really cool features!
You can uninstall it, for example.

I dunno if anyone else has said this here but
FUCK WORDPRESS DOT COM
FUCK WORDPRESS DOT ORG
FUCK WORDPRESS PLUGINS
FUCK THEIR DOCUMENTATION

This almost killed me...

They hate to see it.