She: Uuggrrr.. You did it again
Me: What
She: Stop opening the dev tools
Me: Oh sorry
She: Leave me alone with your laptop.

10 min later

Me: What did you change?
She: I tried to remove the dev tools by changing the dragged position to a negative value in chromes config files.
Me: wow.
She: Didn't work.
Me: Hehe, nice try though

*opens chrome*
Me: wut.
She: *chuckles*

- Light pink theme
- 500% zoom
- Font size changed
- Some virus search engine (my search?)
- deleted some plugins
- start page randomcolour.org (or color? (<- me css freak))

When you spend 10 hours developing
web site and you saw your browser zoom set on 150%.

In the middle of my workout and all I can focus on is this treadmill display's terrible UI... Looks like a zoom button but actually increases the speed.

You know you're a front-end dev when...

Three days ago I wrote a comment:

"It's weird how the internet shifted from protocols to platforms.

Devs still know the plumbing, but for most people IRC became Whatsapp, FTP became Dropbox, RTSP became Netflix, SIP became Zoom and RSS became Google Now... so people might eventually forget about SMTP and this whole "email" hype.

In a decade or two we'll have forgotten about URLs and HTTP and the "internet" as well. You just pay your monthly $10 sub to Google or Amazon or Apple to have your condensed streams of memes & bait funneled right into your eyeballs."

And now Chrome devs are considering removing URLs just like in Safari, just showing the domain you are on....

Enjoy your retard web, people.

What's next, new Macbook & Chromebook standardized designs to prevent people from being confused?

Me: Optimize a sort & match method in backend because users complain it's a bit slow.

Coworker: These algorithms are both O(n), so they're identical *closes PR*

Me: *start zoom call* "Heeeeeeeeeey Iiiiiiiiiii wouuuuuuuld liiiiiiiiike toooooo diiiiiisscuuuuus thaaaaaaaat puuuuuuulllll reeeeeequuuueeest yooooouuuuu cloooooossseeeed"

Coworker: "wtf are you doing, why are you talking so slow"

Me: "No matter whether I talk fast or slow, the information still reaches you in O(n) time, so why are you complaining"

I fucking hate it when people misunderstand the purpose of (or abuse) big O notation. It's an estimate of how an algorithm SCALES once the set increases in size, in which case you leave out both less significant terms and constant factors.

But those terms and factors are important when you're talking about the DIRECT PERFORMANCE of the algorithm on fixed-size sets, instead of SCALING to larger sets.

1n and 10n are both O(n), but 10x performance on a job that used to take 10 minutes is still significant.

Last day on the contract from hell. I'd written a project with one other person in our spare time that performed a critical business function. The following conversation was had between myself, the job thief who was handed my job and their manager, with the 10 other IBM GS "dev domain experts" assigned to that team sitting silently on zoom:

Moi: hey all, what seems to be the problem?
JT: how to update the java for requirement?
Moi: I would assume a text editor, have you tried intellij
JTM: she's talking about ticket BS-101, the data is wrong
Moi: ah, well, you might want to fix that
JT: how to fix?
Moi: update the database and update the logic that depends on it
JTM: what changes are those?
Moi: the ones described in the ticket, I would assume, I'm no longer on that project
JTM: didn't you write this application?
Moi: yes.
JTM: ok, so do you know how to fix the issue?
Moi: definitely
JTM: ok... ... Can you tell us how to fix it?
Moi: yes.
*The sound of silence*
JTM: *will* you tell us?
Moi: I would, but I'm already off the clock, and as of an hour ago I no longer have a contract. And even if I did, I don't have a contract or authorization to work on that system. I'm not actually being paid for this call.
JTM: ... What are we going to do about this?
Moi: I have no idea
JTM: ok, so we can look at getting a 1 month contract to support this
Moi: I'm sure our firm has someone who can definitely help you out
JTM: *heavy raging* ... Can you do the work?
Moi: Unfortunatley, I'm already committed to a new contract at another customer. I also don't do one month contracts. I'm an engineer, not a car wash employee
JTM: well, I don't understand how you can just leave us in the lurch like this?!
Moi: well, respectfully, it was your decision to cut me from the budget because you thought you were close enough to end of the project to get it across the line with junior resources.
Interjecting-JT: I am senior!
Moi: Right. So, basically, you took ownership of the product before go live. We advised against it, in writing, numerous times. We also notified you that we would not carry a bench, so the project resources are now working on other things. We can provide you with new resources for a minimum 6 month duration who can help you out. Also, since we've cycled out, our rate has increased per the terms of our MSA.
JTM: we don't have budget for that! How are we supposed to do this?!
Moi: *zoom glare at JT* that question is more appropriate for your finance officer and the IT director. I can send a few emails and schedule a call with your account representative and the aforementioned individuals so you can hash this out.

-_---------------
I'm free! 🥳 That said, still plenty of residual fodder I need to get out of my system on these guys. Might need to start my own Dilbert.

Mute your fucking microphones if you have nothing to say. Nobody wants to hear you breathing, your dog, a police car or whatever.

Didn't.know you can zoom in the Avatar Builder 😲

My employer keeps sending booze to our houses.

Officially meant for coronaproof zoom social meetings where they play stupid bingo games and quizzes on Friday afternoons.

Why they're sending 2 liter bottles of Rum, 3 bottles of rosé wine and 12 cans of craft beer for the 6th week in a row... I really don't know... I don't even attend the zoom meetings.

All I know is that during breakfast, rum is better mixed into coffee than through cornflakes.

Anyway... Why was this a rant again? Oh right. Can I sue my employer for baiting me into an addiction? 🤔

So, a couple of weeks ago I started a temporary job writing code mostly for DB purposes. I noticed during that time there was a specific person just copying my code and not giving credit in the meetings. So I decided to put a small, quirky, joke in my last code just to see if the person reviewed it before presenting.

FF to yesterday, the person did not check the code and he presented a table with a field called PENIS Contract Length in our zoom meeting.

Not sorry at all

When you are creating new design for your website and everything works fine and then you see that you browser is zoomed on 150%😫😭

It's 3:30AM and I'm working.

If you work at night, no one can interrupt you.
If you sleep during the day, you can't attend any zoom meetings.

Also, at night you can work naked, and drink on the job without any judgement.

All problems solved.

Attended one of the best meetups ever. To give you an idea how awesome it was..

Speaker took the first ~20 minutes introducing himself.
His intro card deck kept referring to himself in the third person (he is the only employee in consulting 'company'). Ex. "Mr. Smith began his humble career .."

The powerpoint presentation began with him clicking each page, not executing the slideshow (ex. pressing F5).
Finally someone asked "Can you make slide bigger?"

S:"You can't read that?..um..sure...I guess .."
Starts fumbling around the zoom ...
Dev: "No, can you start the slideshow?"
S: "I don't know what you mean...there...I zoomed it, is that better? Now I can't see my notes..just sec.."
<fumbles again with the zoom>
Dev: "No, not zoom, start the slide show, press F5"
S: "Oh...you want me to F5 it...OK..."
<he *clicks* the slide show button>

Finally getting into code, trying to get out of powerpoint ...
S: "How do I get out of this fullscreen?.."
Dev: "Hit escape"
S:"No..um.."
<keeps trying to click on 'something'>
S:"I see visual studio, but its not on the big screen... "
<keeps click on 'something', no one is sure whats going on>
Dev: "Hit Escape to stop the slideshow"
<finally hits escape, then able to put Visual Studio on the big screen>
S: "Ahh...there, I figured it out."

Speaker had no end of making wild/random statements like:
".Net Core is the future of Microsoft, if you're using .Net 4.5...forget it, its not even supported anymore."
"When I was at Microsoft Build, I asked them why not put all the required .Net assemblies in one directory. Looks like with .Net Core, they listened to me" (he was serious)
"I don't use SQL Server Mgmt Studio. Its free and it sucks. I use <insert a very expensive SSMS clone>, its great, you guys should check it out", then proceeds to struggle to open a query window to write some SQL.
"When you use .Net Core and EntityFramework, you have to write your own stored procedures. If a developer can't write stored procedures, he shouldn't be in this business."

I was on the edge of my seat, hungry for the next crazy bat-shit thing to come out of his mouth. He did not disappoint. BEST MEETUP EVER!

Example #1 of ??? Explaining why I dislike my coworkers.

[Legend]
VP: VP of Engineering; my boss’s boss. Founded the company, picked the CEO, etc.
LD: Lead dev; literally wrote the first line of code at the company, and has been here ever since.
CISO: Chief Information Security Officer — my boss when I’m doing security work.

Three weeks ago (private zoom call):
> VP to me: I want you to know that anything you say, while wearing your security hat, goes. You can even override me. If you need to hold a release for whatever reason, you have that power. If I happen to disagree with a security issue you bring up, that’s okay. You are in charge of release security. I won’t be mad or hold it against you. I just want you to do your job well.

Last week (engineering-wide meeting):
> CISO: From now on we should only use external IDs in urls to prevent a malicious actor from scraping data or automating attacks.
> LD: That’s great, and we should only use normal IDs in logging so they differ. Sounds more secure, right?
> CISO: Absolutely. That way they’re orthogonal.
> VP: Good idea, I think we should do this going forward.

Last weekend (in the security channel):
> LD: We should ONLY use external IDs in urls, and ONLY normal IDs in logging — in other words, orthogonal.
> VP: I agree. It’s better in every way.

Today (in the same security channel):
> Me: I found an instance of using a plain ID in a url that cancels a payment. A malicious user with or who gained access to <user_role> could very easily abuse this to cause substantial damage. Please change this instance and others to using external IDs.
> LD: Whoa, that goes way beyond <user_role>
> VP: You can’t make that decision, that’s engineering-wide!

Not only is this sane security practice, you literally. just. agreed. with this on three separate occasions in the past week, and your own head of security also posed this before I brought it up! And need I remind you that it is still standard security practice!?

But nooo, I’m overstepping my boundaries by doing my job.

Fucking hell I hate dealing with these people.

!rant

So my employer just offered me a 57% raise out of the blue!
Last Friday, I got a meeting invite from the CEO (its a small 15 person company, so he looks after most of the management stuff) titled "{{myname}} - Salary Review". No agenda there. I was fuckin scared that maybe my salary will be chopped short due to the virus and shit. They recently let go of one guy in my team, and are about to hire two new guys. Also, my last raise was this January. So I didn't think any good could come out of this meeting.

I joined the zoom and he asked if I was happy with the current salary. I said "yes" like an idiot, but added that the prices in my country are rising a lot. He made smalltalk on costs of groceries and Corona and my family, and that was it. 57%.

I was smiling like a dumbass at the end of the meeting. This guy is like the Hyman Roth of this business.

Remember to eat.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it
View it, code it, jam - unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it
Turn it, leave it, start - format it

When your system is just slow and you want to do a disk cleanup

Result: hidden storage uncovered 😂. Invisible storage space. 😂😂☁️🌦🌥🌧
(Zoom in to see what I mean 😂😂)

When your boss asks for a web application that has drag and drop, resize, popup, fade inand out, dynamic styling and mobile compatibility but must work on IE8
You feel like:
Mission: Go to the moon
Tools: Broom's stick
Yeah i'll just pretend to be a witch and fly away

Two mobile devs were talking for 10 minutes in this zoom meeting whether "the component on the bottom should be hidden, or made sticky".

I just could not contain my laughter any longer when they showed an animated mockup comparison, and the product manager yelled excitedly: "Oh yeah, I love the one where it's very visible and sticky! But could you make it bigger for me?"

Sorry HR. I will never become a grown up boy.

Please make it possible to disable notifications on comments to rants i commented on..! 🤞

!!politics

My employer held a company wide zoom meeting today. It was officially optional, but like 90% of the company attended.

It started out interesting as they had invited a speaker, but it quickly degraded into a gigantic political circlejerk. It was an hour and a half of bashing everyone who doesn’t hold exactly their views, calling them evil, calling them nazis, radicals, militants, racists, etc. — and I don’t share their views, like, at all, so. That really lets me know how they feel!

As far as I can tell, everyone else at the company has the same ideology. Not only does this make me incredibly uncomfortable and require me to act and pretend at all times, it’s honestly kind of infuriating, too. The amount of insults they throw around and blatant lack of tolerance displayed by these “tolerant” people is just incredible.

To them, anyone that doesn’t hold exactly their beliefs is evil, and often a slew of other things, too. And it doesn’t seem to matter how far removed those views are; apparently libertarians are evil as well? Apparently “leave everyone alone” is evil and gets you branded as a militant far-righty? Like, how does that even work? They ascribe to “everyone who doesn’t agree with me is literally Hitler,” I guess.

Fucking hell I can’t stand these people and their politics. And when they all get going on it together? Just. Fucking toxic.

I’ve been so disgusted today after sitting in on that meeting I’ve gotten practically nothing done. And I was so hoping to finally finish this stupid ticket.

Oh, and Mr. PM wants that screwdriver to do even more things now — by next week, of course. Fucking hell.

Why did I switch jobs, again?
Right, to get away from the politics.
Fucking hell.

Eclipse - The one and only IDE which knows how to zoom properly.

The recruiter in call today is a spoilt brat .

I answer him wether am I know PHP. So I show him my code in PHP (oop) I show should him how I build a restful API and connect to MySql etc.

He told me that's not PHP , PHP don't use define and class , and that's not how you connect to MySql (I'm using PDO) he confused that pdo is something from Java. He told my code is not working because it is java syntax (actually not even closed)

Then I asked him then show me the proper way , he showed me his code in PHP which is started by <PHP instead of <?php (this is fucked up)

And I told him that (after looking at his code), he yelled at me that "there's no mistake, do you really understand PHP? " And he ended the meeting

All this happen in a zoom meeting.

So this chick has been super nice to me for the past few months, and has been trying to push me towards a role in security. She said nothing but wonderful things about it. It’s easy, it’s not much work, it’s relaxing, etc.

I eventually decided I’m burned out enough that something, anything different would be good, and went for it. I’m now officially doing both dev and security. The day I started, she announced that she was leaving the security team and wouldn’t join any other calls. Just flat-out left.

She trained me on doing a security review of this release, which basically amounted to a zoom call where I did all of the work and she directed me on what to do next, ignored everything I said, and treated me like an idiot. It’s apparently an easy release. The work itself? Not difficult, but it’s very involved, very time consuming, and requires a lot of paper trail — copying the same crap to three different places, tagging lots of people, copying their responses and pasting them elsewhere, filing tickets, linking tickets, copying info back and forth to slack, signing off on things, tagging tickets in a specific way, writing up security notes in a very specific format etc. etc. etc. It’s apparently usually very hectic with lots of last-minute changes, devs who simply ignore security requests, etc.

I asked her at the end for a quick writeup because I’m not going to remember everything and we didn’t cover everything that might happen.

Her response: Just remember what you did here, and do it again!

I asked again for her to write up some notes. She said “I would recommend.. you watch the new release’s channel starting Thursday, and then review what we did here, and just do all that again. Oh, and if you have any questions, talk to <security boss> so you get in the habit of asking him instead of me. Okay, bye!”

Fucking what.
No handoff doc?
Not willing to answer questions after a day and a half of training?

A recap
• She was friendly.
• She pushed me towards security.
• She said the security role was easy and laid-back.
• I eventually accepted.
• She quit the same day.
• The “easy release” took a day and a half of work with her watching, and it has a two-day deadline.
• She treated (and still treats) me like a burden and ignores everything I said or asked.
• The work is anything but laid-back.
• She refuses to spend any extra time on this or write up any notes.
• She refuses to answer any further questions because (quote) “I should get in the habit of asking <security boss> instead of her”

So she smiled, lied, and stabbed me in the back. Now she’s treating me like an annoyance she just wants to go away.

I get that she’s burned out from this, but still, what a fucking bitch. I almost can’t believe she’s acting this way, but I’ve grown to expect it from everyone.

But hey, at least I’m doing something different now, which is what I wanted. The speed at which she showed her true colors, though, holy shit.

“I’m more of a personal motivator than anything,” she says, “and I’m first and foremost a supporter of women developers!” Exactly wrong, every single word of it.

God I hate people like this.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip, unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, curl it, find it,
View it, code it, jam, unlock it
Surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it
Cross it, crack it, twitch, update it,
Name it, read it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax, rename it,
Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, stop, format it.

CSS doesn't work.
30 mins later:
Browser-Zoom was at 400% -.-

Today a friend tried to zoom in on a paper map that I had put on the table...

"Hi xxx, please stop asking me the same question. I've answered it 4 times already via email, slack and in person on our zoom calls, over the past 2 weeks. I do not own the ticket and have no idea of the status or the dates. Ask the owner."

- slack response I was forced to write this morning to the guy my company put in charge of the entire product (mobile, multiple backends, frontend etc.).

I've been wondering for a while, how the backend my team has to use could have so many issues. I was convinced they had no alerting system in place and have been commenting on it for a while now, and complaining about it.

Was on a Zoom call with one of the backend devs today, he shared his screen and had his email open. I saw a folder he had setup called alerts, and sub folders under that. One of them was named the name of the service/app we are using ... it had over 360,000 un-reads ... and emails are automatically deleted after 4 months in my company.

So they have alerts setup, they just don't care ... problem solved. Enjoy your weekend folks!

Every time I say anything during standup that I find funny. We have a zoom meeting with our team in Ukraine, India, Nashville, all over and apparently I’m profane 😶. Real questions when did developers become such a breed of gutless, tea carefully sipping, soft handed, politically correct pussies.

What’s wrong with me?... Found myself spreading my finger and thumb on some food packaging cooking instructions hoping to zoom in and read it.

Dear Managers,
This is not efficient:

Boss: * calls *
Me: * answers *
B: there's a bug in feature ABC! The form doesn't work!
M: ABC uses a lot of forms. Is it Form A, B, or C?
B: Umm... let's just go on a Zoom call!
* 5 minutes trying to set up a Zoom call *
* 3 more minutes trying to find the form *
B: This form in here.
M: It works fine for me. What data are you inputting?
B: * takes 5 minutes trying to reproduce the bug * (in the meantime, the call is basically an awkward silence)

You spent 5 minutes wasting both of our times trying to set up a Zoom meeting, and another 8 wasting MY tine trying to find the bug.

This is efficient:
B: There is a bug in form C. If I try to upload this data, it malfunctions.
M: Thank you. I'll look into it.

You saved me 8 minutes of staring at a screen and saved us both another 5 minutes of setting up a meeting.

You know when you click an image to see a larger version and a light box loads a smaller image. Who the fuck tested this shit and thought "Yeah that looks alright."?

I wouldn't say least successful but my current one has an extremely irritating annoyance.

I have to setup a tile server (for those draggable maps in browsers and such) and I've come to the point where I'm skilled enough to at least setup the server. BUT:

- Generating the tiles from a database to PNG pbf files at a max 15 zoom level of only even the goddamn nerherlands will take more than a hundred days and I want the entire goddamn world. (20 core rather powerful server).
The end result is veeery fast.
- The importing is fast enough but generating them on the fly is so painstakingly slow 😫

😖

So I've been playing some DnD with friends.
And we've been working with some lego characters, whiteboard markers and plastic sheets to draw on.

But that's always a mess:
The ink was old and did not come off again for the most part
The sides of the map curled up and and made the lego character fall over
The lego characters were too big
And more...

So I thought, why not make it digital?

And so I did.
I used UWP to make a master and a client, both using the Windows Ink api to be able to draw.
Some circles with an initial served as characters, and everything was synchronized using a TCP library I wrote half a year ago.

Yesterday we tried it out.
We all (including me) were sceptical if it would work well because the 'analog' clumsy way we did it before does have a certain charm.

But at the end we were all very enthousiastic about it and we'll be using it next time too!
It's awesome to be able to create programs for your own use :D
That's why being able to program is such a great thing!

Now I need to restructure everything, make it more efficient, add a turn order display, make the map zoom- and moveable and more and more....

Hmmmm.....

Client: I need a Website, You have "complete freedom" to choose an apt design, it should be professional and creative.

Designer: Ok.

~ Makes a top-notch Demo inspired from Apple Website ~

Client: It is not professional at all, you should use yellow color for header background. Matching the yellow in the logo, text should be in red. Use blue borders. "Make it more professional!"

Designer: Ok.

~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~

Client: Change the font of the website, use something like this (shows Monotype Corsiva). Reduce the image sizes to stamp size. Give a zoom effect to the headings. Increase the text font size to 16px.

Designer: Ok.

~ Client is King. Does exactly as client said ~

Client: Now it looks more professional!! You should hire me to your design department! And now, as I did the major design part you are only eligible for half the payment......

Designer: <<< what will you say? comment it below.. >>>

Why is it that every time an international company creates a local entity in this country, it turns into a boomerfest cringe factory? The company could be advanced in technology and the managers and organizers pull the culture back to the old colonization period.

Attended a training where the attendants suck up to the host and organizers like children or with some air of inferiority. The whole thing felt like elementary school and this is a call with participants who are 20 - 50+ years old. "Ma'am, Sir, I'm done with my attendance, Ma'am, Sir." Okay, Fernando and the gang, you just had to submit the spreadsheet as stated a thousand times. There is no need to keep unmuting yourselves and asking the "teacher" if she can see your name there or "Am peenished with the attendance, mam, ser." I can hear dogs barking, roosters screaming, all the damn noise. And people keep raising their hands on Zoom accidentally.

Then the organizers said shit like "You have to turn on your camera the whole time so we know you're listening." Bitch, there are 100+ participants, you cannot. I can literally turn on my camera for an hour and mute the shit out of you, it means nothing. An hour was wasted with the attendance bullshit and dumbass threats about kicking people who don't turn on their cameras. I didn't turn on my camera because fuck no, they can kick my plump ass away from the house of cringe, I don't care.

"You have to wear something professional and don't lie down. I saw someone lying down, we should be professional." I find that semi-reasonable but it would have been great if you indicated that in the invite especially when you scheduled this call so early in the morning. Instead we received useless crap like a picture of the receipt indicating how much the company paid for it. It was cheap and no one gives a shit.

"We will call you one by one especially those who have their webcams off to make sure you are listening. We're gonna have a recitation." All this shit said in such an elementary school teacher manner. It just reeks of third world. It makes every cell in my body cringe.

"We're gonna have an exam so pay attention." Yeah, could have just said that in the beginning or in the fucking email. That's a more effective way to make sure people would listen instead of policing cameras and treating people like children. There's a guy who's probably like 69, just a year younger than Demolishun, and dying by the second. He doesn't have much time for this shit.

One guy was a foreigner who only understands English so he had to pull in some dude who speaks our native language to translate certain things for him. They are both sitting there in the dark like some censored interview about drug dealers. Everyone else and the street dogs are bilingual, the slides are in English, what is even the point? Jesus. So another few minutes wasted on that.

The training finally starts and the host is sooo cringe. He keeps making the dumbest jokes. Right around the terrorism topic, he mentioned 9/11 as an example then called my name (of course) to ask why no Filipinos died during that attack. I assumed it was another stupid joke so I just said I don't know. He said, "It's because they were late." I humored him and said, "Filipino time, lol." He said, "No, no, just kidding."

Huh????

The whole time, I was typing his jokes to the group chat I have with my team mates so they can die along with me. All of them expressed the urge to smack the guy with a rolled newspaper in the face. That is how I survived the entire training, by dragging others down the misery hole with me. I'm so glad it was over.

For context, "Filipino time" refers to the habit of being late a few minutes or sometimes a few hours than the set appointment. You can yell racism all you want but being late is almost expected here and the locals learned to make fun of themselves. I can see it changing but the habit is still common in provinces or city cunts who make everyone wait to make themselves feel important.

I personally hate being late and I turn up at least 15 minutes before the scheduled time. Yet another reason why I like the Germans. In before "BuT aNyOnE cAn bE LaTe oR pUnCtUaL." Fuck you.

Best work prank?

Get a random friend to burst into my home office during a zoom call, wearing a ski mask, gun in hand, speak foreign language, and drag me out of the room. Have another masked friend go up the camera and threaten to kill me if my coworkers go to the police. Disappear for a week, then email my boss saying I need 100k or they’ll start killing my family members one by one, take the money, then go on vacation while I fill out job applications. Get a new job and repeat the prank every few months until I retire.

When Coronavirus become a household name, our Manager said:

"This is a good to time to build a real-time chat system like Zoom. If anyone is able to build something like it, it will help our company grow."

[Silence]

Manager: "There is a lot of demand."

[More silence]

Random thought of the day: I'm afraid of posting any picture of my screen/setup where you could read my code because I'm scared that people would zoom in and discover how incompetent I am. Does this make any sense?

Indexing done right

I'm pretty sure developers at Microsoft google their issues

Zoom’s CEO says he won’t encrypt free calls so Zoom can work more with law enforcement:

“Free users for sure we don’t want to give that because we also want to work together with FBI, with local law enforcement in case some people use Zoom for a bad purpose,” Yuan said.

I was working on a site just moments ago and everything was fine. Then I move my laptop from my living room to my bedroom and on refreshing​ the page everything seems broken! Disorganized cards, and everything looks 10x bigger. I panic because I was supposed to deploy it on Thursday and I was just doing some final touches and angular has given me one hell of a time. I fucking rolled back all my commits to yesterday and cleared chromes chrome's cache....still nothing works. Then I realized there's a new button on my address tab and on clicking it is showed I had (accidentally) zoomed in by a fucking 175% when moving the laptop *facepalm*. On resetting it everything was ok. Now I have lost all of today's commits and my chrome cache. One box of tic-tacs down and I still can't overcome my rage... So I wrote this rant 😠😩😩
I need a stress ball😩😩

I'm 22f and sound 14 on zoom calls :S

Stepped out of my comfort zone and dropped a Zoom link into the channel for Lambda grads to see if anyone wanted to work through code challenges together. It ended up being enjoyable enough that I’m thinking of making it a regular thing. Meanwhile, contribution graph is still going strong.

On Play Store if you double tap on an image it will zoom out instead of zooming in.

Thanks Google!

Our prof told us today in a zoom lecture: "Never visit b-ok.org, it is totally illegal", with emphasis on how he would NEVER recommend to visit that website for free education illegally.

I guess he is totally against the idea of pirating educational material

This is a photo from when I was taking a web publishing class and learning Illustrator for the first time. Zoom on the sad masterpiece I made on the computer monitor. I still laugh whenever I see this photo. This is why I don't do design. 😆

Client sent me a screenshot complaining of their website performance. After hours of guided debugging, I noticed a familiar figure from one of the images sent.
See the photo... Zoom into the toolbar next to play button... Yes! It was that guy pretending to be a browser.

Is zooming into images on devrant fucked for anybody else? (since the latest update only) I have to doubletap to zoom in and also then "limit" effects happen when I try to move around, as if the image ends into every direction where I zoomed in.

>teacher: you need to enable your webcam so i can tell you aren't cheating
>me: sorry but i'm on a desktop pc, i don't have a webcam
>t: what do you mean? every computer i've seen has a webcam!
how do i explain this to him?
(for context he's like 60)

It happened.
It finally fucking happend, I wish it didn't, but it happened.

I was in my very first call through zoom were I didn't even speak and didn't even really need to listen.

About 1h.

Everything could have been an e-mail, of course

Stand up on Zoom...
Day 1: No one knows who will speak their daily tasks first or last
Day 45: There is mutual order which appears out of the blue and everyone has their own sort of roll number for speaking in stand-up meeting😂

SCREWED OVER GOOGLE WITH MICROSOFT!!!! YES!!!

So as I'm deaf, I've always had a problem with captions or lack of them.

I thought Live Captions would fix it but it's only supported on selected devices and not enabled for calls and conferences like Zoom, WhatsApp.

I tried hooking up my sound card with an audio capble to my phone which has LC and also Live Transcribe... but somehow wouldn't pick up the audio.

Then today I was like wait... I could just install a Pixel emulator... excepy seems Google thought of that...

(I installed VB Cable virtual sound card and routed sound out to mic in).

Well first apparently, the emulator does not actually identify as Pixel... it identifies as an Emulator that sorta looks like Pixel...

Which means no LC...

I installed LT and also a sound meter which confirmed it was getting the audio but no transcription...

Though I tried GBoard and it sorta worked..
But I would like continuous transcription... and so I open the app store and try all the apps until I hit MSFT Translate...

Which has a convo mode which seems pretty much designed to screw Google over lol. Just need to start a Convo with myself...

- The PDF you are sending is wrong - said the boss.
- Why? -
- Client says that it is not complete. -
I check the pdf, nothing missing.
- I don't understand -
- The client only sees a part of it, this corner -
- Client should zoom out pdf reader -

Great opportunities now as per Managers:

* Develop a chat system like Zoom
* Develop anti-virus for Coronavirus
* Develop time travel machine to stop Coronavirus at the point it started

Hey !
A big question:
Assume we got an android app which graphs a sound file .
The point is: the user is able to zoom in/out so the whole data must be read in the begining , but as the file is a little longer , the load time increases.
What can i do to prevent this?

"Can you zoom in to this teeny tiny spot on this photo and sharpen it like how they do it in CSI?"
OR
"You can uncensor this, yeah?"

Yeah let me poop out the winning lottery numbers while I poop out nonexistent pixels for you.

I cannot attend another 2 hours zoom meeting THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AN EMAIL!
I got PTSD every time I hear teams, skype, or zoom ringtones.

Slack.

A product which I hated in the beginning, is something that I have started admiring now.

Like Telegram, things just kept improving without bloating the shit out of the product.

What's interesting is that they came up with Huddle, an instant call and connect feature where they support Audio and Screen sharing.

Totally a game changer and a Zoom killer because Zoom could be even better in terms of UX.

Functionally, hands down, Zoom is flawless but slowly it's becoming an overkill.

I am excitedly waiting to see how both of these compete because Slack surely has an upper hand in this game.

I assume this only happen in my country (Malaysia). We have multiple inconsistent lockdown...

So most of us went from working in the office to Working From Home. During this time Our employers expects us to clock in to Zoom Meetings or Dingtalk meetings for 24 /7 , microphone must be turned on and camera must be turned on at all time, other wise it consider as a void(that means salary deduction, not consider working) .

Employers here have the mentality of ""IF I DON'T SEE WHAT ARE DOING WITH MY OWN EYE , I CONSIDER YOU ARE NOT EVEN WORKING.".

I'M sick of this shit tbh.

My coworker complains how the girl who got his old job keeps phoning him asking for help. He stops talking about it only to ask for my help

Whoever at Zoom decided that this button needed to be at this location on the Touch Bar ought to be fired.

Out of a cannon.

Into the sun.

Or at the very least doomed to have their desktop or webcam shared at random times during sensitive meetings. It is for the grace of God that the client didn’t catch me straining to hear the awful acoustics in their conference room.

Rant

So a couple months ago, my dad called me to try and solve a problem he was having in his work.
You see, my dad owns a driving school and he was teaching 14 and 15yo kids how to ride mopeds and their theory exams are made in the school's facility, by going to this website of the entity that rules the moped teaching thing. When the time to have the exams came, they couldn't even see the exams and one of the kids had one of his attempts wasted (they had 3 attempts). We mailed and called the entity multiple times, to no avail, as they told us to "check the website, the instructions are all there". They were also trying to get it together but they couldn't. Here's the "funny" part: the software in which the exams were done ran on XP and there was no way in hell we could make it work on our W10 PCs. Not to mention this is a natiowide problem.
We reinstalled Java to v.7.9 (I think...?) as the "instructions" told us, with no results whatsoever.
So my dad decided to call me and asked me to bring a PC that didn't run W10. The closest thing to XP I could think of was my uncle's Toshiba, that had Vista, so I went to his house and grabbed it and drove to my dad's school. Even in compatibility mode, it didn't work. Everyone was in despair LoL. I was even put on the phone with the entity's technician, who didn't know how to solve it either but was trying, as well with our tech guy.
After a bit of running around and crying inside, our secretary remembered we still had a tower on site that ran XP. We went for the thing and connected it and booted it up. After reinstalling Java and setting security to "medium" (required), and meddling with zoom (the window was too small to show the whole exam and if the window showed up before we set the zoom to 75% or so we couldn't choose the answers) it was finally set to do the exams.
I've never felt so relieved for solving tech stuff LoL. It took me 3h to get it done and I feel it would have been easier if we had remembered about the tower earlier but oh well what can one do.

Zoom is no meeting software.
At best, a webcast something.

*insert deity here* do I hate the overlay, sound options and speaker focus.
I want to choose wether the sound on coffee breaks keeps playing at 260%. FFS!

Am I the only one who accidently ++ a rant with double tap while trying to zoom into a picture?

For the past month my phone has been unlocking really slow. I thought it was just software or the hardware starting to fail.

I finally decided to put my Professional Googling (read: Computer Science) degree to work and instantly found out it was because I had a slow 128gb SD card in it.

Removed it and everything is tip top now.

Zoom is using <10% CPU on Windows and 125% CPU on Linux. Why :/

!dev

Out of shower, I sit on bed staring at my phone cuz I don't know who to talk to. This is the shittiest stage of the lockdown. When you've bore your close friends, exhausted your "I'm gonna find new friends online" options, and now you're -I am- circling back to remind yourself of all the people who put you aside. Just making yourself sadder remembering how each one of them shared a lot of their life and feelings with you and then how easily they went like "Nope. Don't want to deal with you". Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's everyone. Every friendship has a proper "distance" but I just don't know why some people are like asteroids. Or rather, their interests are. They come quick and crash your mental barriers and tell you everything there is to know about them but then something shinier catches their attention or they realize they actually won't be able to have you -me- as a sidepiece and then they just... Fuck off.
And I don't know, maybe they think I'll remember them as the one that got away, but sadly, they just become "another one" in a list that I can't remember past the last 5-6 of.

Anyways, I miss the days when I could sit next to a friend, or hug a friend, or just looking into someone's eyes from less than safe distant and seeing how the details of their face change as they speak, and how their emotions flow.

I'm tired of all the zoom and vc and...

I'm just tired. 😢

Thoughts prior to feedback meeting, about how it's gonna go.

---------------------------------------------------------
Scenario one:
Supervisor: The shit is this? You call this a research work? Get the fuck out of here! You're fired and even your unborn kids are banned from coming into this institute ever again!

Me: *walks out sobbing* (dunno how one can walk out of a zoom meeting, but this is imaginary so who's counting?)

Scenario two:
S: Umm, good work. I just don't think it's presentable. Maybe come back in like a few weeks when you actually polish this into a "real scientific work".

Me: *sobs after meeting. Starts preping for seppuku cuz no idea where I'm headed with this work any further*

Scenario three:
S: nah man. This is no good. Let's start from the bottom. Like, start data collection from the beginning or something.

Me: *sobs and commits seppuku on the meeting.* (I just have a pen tho. Hope it has the same effect as a sword)

---------------------------------------------------------

There are other scenarios, but they all end up in me sobbing and/or committing seppuku in/after the meeting so yeah the drama is running high right now.

bugs are like the terminator. they will be back

Ugh. My team is going to do a team-building happy hour over zoom next week.

Fucking shit i just had a 3 days chat with google's cloud engineer about an issue i had in a project. eventually the issue occured due to an update they made on some projects involving IAM changes that required some changes from my part in my security toles. Like wtf haven't you heard of data fixes when you roll out such changes?! I just had my production env down for 72hours for their fuckup.
At least send an email regarding it so we could set it up in time

Zoom was dead before it even took grip.

Fml. Use jitsi or some other real stuff.

<deity>, I don't care, choose Skype, there we know that security is well established and it's watching workers are well payed (US Court case for proper work classification).

If my stomach start rumbling in the middle of the next zoom meeting, I'm prepared to commit Seppuku on zoom.

Can't take being more embarrassed. 😒

/jk

Does anybody else think the new expressions are nice and all, but most of them are not really made for those small avatars we have?

most often it looks like the person is about to ask me about how they got their scars or they are making fun of asian eyes while laughing about it

it looks great once you zoom in on the profile, but on the smaller size version it just looks odd

there is some exceptions that actually look great on the small avatars too, but most of them don't

i want you to make zoom available in this bootstrap fancybox , but it should work perfectly in IE , tv, phones, bilboards , fridges, and microwaves...

So I walk up to my desk, join the zoom meeting for daily stand ups, and then join the other meeting scheduled by the CEO. And I watched a presentation built around how I'll be fired in the next few minutes. My colleagues and I got laid off in the snap of a finger.
Sad much

Love pooping @ work

I wish I could zoom in the photo rants just by double tapping them and without even opening their comments, sometimes I have poor connection and load the comments is just a struggle

I don't understand how people can write code, but be completely inept at developing software.

Take a zoom feature:

SOLUTION 0:
- Use 2 buttons
- Use 2 button listeners
- Use 2 float variables (for each button).
- Don't log anything.
- Use 3 crazy, hardcoded, constant, int literals like 66, 30...
- both buttons manipulate the same text field.
- no logging.
- Both listeners use if/else to check if the variable is within a range -- one if/else for each listener.
- Use crazy method calls to get text size.

SOLUTION 1:
- Use a slider.
- Use a single listener.
- No variables needed.
- Use a linear equation for zooming.
- has logging.

A little late but whatever.

About half a year ago, I started working on setting up self hosted (slippy) maps. For one, because of privacy reasons, for two, because it'd be in my own control and I could, with enough knowledge, be entirely in control of how this would work.

While the process has been going on for hours every day for about half a year (with regular exceptions), I'll briefly lay out what I've accomplished.

I started with the OpenMapTiles project and tried to implement it myself. This went well but there were two major pitfalls:
1. It worked postgres database based. This is fine but when you want to have the entire world.... the queries took insanely long (minutes, at lower zoom levels) and quite intimate postgres/tooling knowledge was required, which I don't have.
2. Due to the long queries and such, the performance was so bad that the maps could take minutes to render and when you'd want that in production... yeah, no.

After quite some time I finally let that idea sail and started looking into the MBTiles solution; generating sqlite databases of geojson features. Very fast data serving but the rendering can take quite some time.

After some more months, I finally got the hang of it to the point that I automated 50-70 percent of the entire process. The one problem? It takes a shitload of resources and time to generate a worldwide mbtiles database.
After infinite numbers of trial and error, I figured out that one can devide a 'render' (mbtiles aka sqlite database) into multiple layers (one for building data, one for water, one for roads and so on), so I started doing renders that way.
Result? Styling became way more easy and logical and one could pick specific data to display; only want to display the roads? Its way more simple this way. (Not impossible otherwise but figuring out how that works... Good luck).

Started rendering all the countries, continents and such this way and while this seemed like a great idea; the entire world is at 3-4 percent after about a month. And while 40-70 percent generates 10 times as fast, that's still way too slow.

Then, I figured out that you can fetch data per individual layer/source. Thus, I could render every layer separately which is way faster.

Tried that with a few very tiny datasets and bam, it works. (And still very fast).

So, now, I'm generating all layers per continent. I want to do it world based but figured out that that's just not manageable with my resources/budget.

Next to that, I'm working on an API which will have exactly the features I want/need!

This is why I hate Windows:

For about a month now, I've been learning/working on salesforce, so my Macbook was enough for me.
Today there was a bug in something I built in iur Python backend, and since it has a dependency on windows, I booted the old guy up.

And this is what I see. For about 1.5 hours this went on.

Then it started, but system consuming 100% disk and 80+% CPU. Can't do a thing.

And when zoom finally opened (for a quick meet), the camera turned on halfway down the meeting, and then the system restarted on it's own.

Old man showing that same screen again for more than 30 minutes.

Since I have dual boot on this one, I hard-shutdown it using power button, and now boot into ubuntu 20. This works so beautifully (although it froze for about 5 seconds before popping up the updates panel, something I CHOSE to keep enabled). I try going back to Windows, and it's hell again.

Here I am now trying to set up a ec2 instance and setup the app source there so that I can debug with RDP.

And yeah, Component Object Model is a motherfucking bitch. Person who invented it should die. People who build apps leveraging this should die. Business leaders who say "Hey this app (built with COM) can solve the problem easily, so use this" should die choking on their own phallus. And developers like me who keep using this because "the last guy did this" should die too.

Microsoft and it's products are the death of sane people.

Fucking Gates. Its the same damn hardware.

Fucking non mac touch pads. Why do they suck...

End of Hackathon. Students and faculty voted on applications. My group got student voted best overall. Now to sleep for the first time since before Hackathon. So tired, my brain’s literally got “background Zoom meeting sounds” - typing, soft cursing under breath, etc) on loop. I haven’t been in a Zoom in hours.

So I was trying to compare my local website CSS properties to the one deployed on production and realized that font/blocks were a little bit smaller than usual. Tried to debug which CSS changes caused this issue for half an hour only to realize that it was because the browser's zoom level was set to 90% locally 🤦🏽‍♂️
This happened with a guy who just finished 5 years of professional coding yesterday 😂

December 2019: Everyone want to create a Facebook copy

Today: Everyone want to create a Zoom copy 😂

What is the thought process which goes behind wearing a mask on a video call meeting?
[a] virtue signalling
[b] Idiocy
[c] <insert your answer>

LOL, somebody thought Zoom was secure! Hahahahaha! Some people were caught planning violence and a potential coup...on...Zoom!

The lack of understanding of technology creates interesting convergences of events.

So, if you are planning to break the law, don't use Zoom. Mmmkay?

I've always wondered why Devs who are using windows seem to be allergic to any command line.
I've seen people install xrdp on Linux machines so they can remote desktop onto them, just to open up a terminal window.

But I think I now understand why.
Terminals on windows just suck.
And I'm not talking about CMD and powershell, I mean the terminal emulators.
The windows one is just awful, and even PuTTY is just annoying to use.

Yes it gets the job done but why do I have to click 4 times in some UI settings to change the font size? Just give me a zoom hotkey what the hell?
And the default colour scheme of putty always makes me want to shoot myself.

We have this one professor in a mathematics course.
He sits there having no plan of what he's doing. He literally opens his python Jupiterbook with latex enabled, writes a complex equation and tries to solve it in 10 minutes. Makes mistakes every few steps and deletes his formatted equation that isn't even interpreted yet (we see the cdot etc. instead of * which makes it even harder to read). Every few minutes some student corrects him and he deletes it again.

Why can't you just think first and then write and try to teach us?
Use as much time as you want as long as you don't have to keep reverting back the humanly unreadable latex equation.

Hell, you are also allowed to use a basic pen and paper. Trust me, that shit is more readable, even if you have a bad handwriting, than your squeezed in complex untranslated latex equation in Jupiterbook.

Btw. he also streams with no zooming in I might add.

Am I supposed to trying to read your small as shit, focus on what you're teaching while you keep making mistakes or write it down on paper and practice the given tasks?

On top of that, he records the zoom conference but he doesn't share it anywhere on the college forum so that people who have missed it can download it and rewatch it.

Everything he does makes no sense. How did he become a mathematics professor with a PhD?

Small company, sole engineer. Non-tech management. Increasingly fancy job titles despite working alone most of the time, with the promise of hiring someone (again) I can actually manage soon.

Backlog of projects/tasks is truly a mindfuck, with new things being added each week. This backlog will never ever get done, and nothing matters anyway because the next idea is "the future", all the time.

While I have influence on some aspects of decision making, it usually ends up being what the boss wants. Actively opposed a project because it's just too big of an undertaking, it was forced through anyway. I'm trying to keep the scope manageable as I'm building it now, and it's hard.

"It's the future, we absolutely have to do this. It will be the biggest thing we've ever done."

Boss's excitement then quickly faded since it's actually in development, now nobody really seems to want to know where it's at, or how it will all work. I need to scope it out, with the knowledge that many decisions boss signed off will be questioned when he actually looks at it. We now have even more "exciting" ideas of utter grandeur. Stuff that I can't even begin to comprehend the complexity of, while struggling to keep a self imposed deadline on the current one.

Every single morning we sit on Zoom for a "valuable" "catch-up". This is absolutely perfect for one thing: Completely destroying whatever drive and focus I have going into the day. Unrelated topics, marketing conversations, even more ideas, ideas for ideas sake, small problems blown out of proportion, the list goes on. I recently argued in detail why it should be scrapped or at least be optional to attend. No luck, it's "valuable".

Today a new idea was announced, and we absolutely have to do it ASAP because it can only be better than the current solution. I raise my concerns, saying it's not as easy as you make it out to be, we should properly think about it. Nope! We'll botch something to prove that it works... So you'll base your decision whether it's good on some half ass botch job that nobody really has the mental capacity to actually pay attention to. What a reliable way to measure!

"Our analytics data isn't useful enough to tell us the impact of things we do. We (you) have to fix this." Over the last 2 or so years, I've been pushing for an overhaul and expansion of our data analysis capabilities for exactly this reason. Integrating different data sources into a unified solution so we can easily see what we're doing, etc. Nope, never happened.

The new project idea which is based on wild assumptions is ALWAYS more important than the groundwork.

Now when I mentioned that this is what I wanted to do all along, it got brushed aside. "We don't need to do anything complicated, just fix this, add that, and it's done. It should be an easy thing to do. This is very important for our decision making." Fine, have it your way.

I'm officially burned out. It's so fucking hard to get myself to focus on my work for more than an hour or two. I started a side project, and even that effort is falling victim to my day-job-induced apathy.

I'm tempted to hand in my resignation without another offer on the table. I just need time to rediscover my passion, and go job hunting from that position, instead of the utter desperation of right now.

If you've read through all this rambling, kudos to you!

Every f*k**g morning.. "Good morning _____, goood morning!" I'm so tired of these work from home Zoom calls with my boss. OMG. Everybody gotta suck her dick like we like her. Aaaaaaah. #tears

Debugging that responsive website and can't figure out where it is applying the viewport for the mobile layout. Cookie isn't set to view full site, nothing in html....checking Google's Dev Tools even in incog mode...until I notice Chrome is zoomed in....CTRL-0 = fixed. Dammit. Zoom on page just wasted 5 mins. I want my 5 mins back!

Just bought a laptop for my grandma. She is a very intelligent person, used to be an engineer and traveled across the globe, but she missed out on the computer revolution. Now she's stuck at home alone and terribly bored, so we will introduce her to the internet to socialize and join our zoom parties.
What advice do you have for someone who has plenty of life experience but is completely new to the internet?

We are 2 people working as remote android devs for this startup in another country. 6 weeks ago a new person joined onsite to work directly in startup HQ. I'l refer to him as an newguy.

Last week we started new sprint (of 2 weeks) to work on a new feature.

Newguy was responsible for gathering all the specs and planning, so this is how our sprint is going so far:

Day 1:

We have 10+ tickets in jira (tickets have only titles) no one knows what to do and we don't even have specification. I started pushing everybody onsite to get their shit together. We NEED UX/UI specs, we NEED backend to be ready, or at least start working paralelly so that once wer'e done with frontend backend would be ready. I mean cmon guys this feature is already 70% done on iOS, why cant you send us the specification?

Day 2:

We had a meeting on Zoom and talked about missing specification and project manager promised to send us the specs. Meanwhile the idea of feature became clearer so I agreed with the newguy to start researching about best way to implement our solution.

Day 3:

We received the specifications. I provided my research for the feature to the newguy. Turns out the he knew about specification 4-5 days before.

Instead of sharing information with us, he decided to create his own library to do what we want to do and blatantly rejected my research input.

Now he showed his implementaton (which is shit by the way) and presents it as the only way to proceed forward. He offers for us to work paralelly with him on this (basically he wants to write library alone, and we are supposed to somehow implement and test it, but how the fuck we can implement if backend is not ready and library is just a bunch of empty interfaces at this point?)

I talked with one of the teamleads in the startup and told him that this is not the way things were being done here before and new guy is becoming a dictator.

Teamlead talked with new guy and found no issue. Basically newguy defended his sole decision by saying that he did research on his own, there are no libraries that do what we want and he knows better.

Teamlead tells me to STFU because new guy seems competent and he will be leading this feature. Basically from what I gathered teamlead doesn't give a single fuck and wants to delegate all project management to this new guy.

Day 5:

End of the week. New guy claims that his lib is done so we can start implementing properly. I tried implementing his lib but its fucked up and backend is still not ready.

Day 6:

Backend is still not ready, no one is doing anything just waiting for it to be ready.

Day 7 (Today):

Today(Backend is still not ready, no one is doing anything just waiting for it to be ready.

So what can I say? His plan was to probably prove his self worth and try to lead this feature by giving us information at last minute. At the point were we should start implementing instead of researching.

What happened? Motherfucker doesn't know shit about backend, has been notified about backend issues multiple times but his head was so deep up his ass with that new library of his that he delayed the rest of the team.

Result? 7 working days wasted. Out of 3 developers only 1 was actually working (and his fucked up code will have to be rewritten anyways). Only 50% of feature done. Motherfucker tells me that this is how we will work in the future, "paralelly". The fuck is this mate? If you would have worked on this feature alone you would have done it already now, but instead you wait until we remote devs will login and fetch you the test input and talk with backend guys for you? The fuck is wrong with you.

You fucking piece of shit, learn to plan and organize better if you want to lead the team. Now all that you are doing is wasting time, money and getting on everyboys nerves. Im tired of fucking spoon feeding you every day you needy scheming office politics playing piece of shit. Go back to your shithole country and let us work.

When I was responsible for sprint planning I figured out what to do before start of the sprint and remote devs were able to do week's work in 1-2 days and have rest of the week off. This is how it's supposed to be when you work with a remote team. Delegate them separate features, give them proper specs ahead and everyone's happy. Don't start working on frontend if you dont even fucking know when backend will be ready. It's fucking common sense.

Now I need to spoon feed this motherfucker who can't even get information while sitting on his ass onsite in HQ. Fucking hell.

If mute functionality in zoom had any bugs, I'd be dead by now.

How do I slap a blockhead who keeps interjecting me in a Zoom meeting?

My boss gave us a spring framework assignment as a training. I did it in half the time required while my colleague was struggling with it. later on he asked me for help so i came to his desk and to my surprise here i am looking at my code and he managed to f*** it up. I don't mind taking my code but have the decency to say so. P.S: he accessed my pc over LAN from the run command

When pinch-to-zoom didn't have enough tests....

I don't fucking get it why people find it normal to have a zoom meeting run in background for the whole working hours.

Like WTF

‪Nice email footer Zoom 😂 “%%current_year_YYYY%%”

Zoom:

Client: "my website gets bigger and breaks into a single column layout when I press 'ctrl -' ."

Me:"might it be possible that you pressed 'ctrl +?'"

.....

-__-***

Using Zoom to share my screen so my colleague can use his Skype Business to record the Zoom window so that the other people can see my screen and I can call in using my phone

All because Linux does not have skype business :p

Fucking gratuitous interface changes:

In Zoom, when you leave a meeting, now it has a read 'Leave' button, and when you click on it, a second 'Leave meeting' button pops up which you have to click as well.

In Outlook, there used to be a search bar above the list of e-mails. Recently I noticed it wasn't there anymore, and it took me a while before I found it… they moved it to the title bar!

WTF are these people thinking? Seems like they change interfaces just for the sake of changing something.

> 5 times zoom meeting in a single day.

What a time to be alive

I've seen several rants on here about poor documentation on great libraries. Well I just spent 9 hours in a car today and I realized that even the ones that have great documentation absolutely SUCK at being mobile friendly. I'm no web developer but how freaking hard is it to optimize your stupid website for small screens??? There are a million frameworks out there you can choose from PLUS it's almost entirely text so it can't be that hard!! I have to zoom in about 300% to be able to read it, then I have to scroll back and forth because it no longer fits on the screen.

I work for an investment wank. Worked for a few. The classic setup - it's like something out of a museum, and they HATE engineers. You are only of value if work on the trade floor close to the money.

They treat software engineering like it's data entry. For the local roles they demand x number of years experience, but almost all roles are outsourced, and they take literally ANYONE the agency offers. Most of them can't even write a for loop. They don't know what recursion is.

If you put in a tech test, the agency cries to a PMO, who calls you a bully, and hires the clueless intern. An intern or two is great, if they have passion, but you don't want a whole department staffed by interns, especially ones who make clear they only took this job for the money. Literally takes 100 people to change a lightbulb. More meetings and bullshit than development.

The Head of Engineering worked with Cobol, can't write code, has no idea what anyone does, hates Agile, hates JIRA. Clueless, bitter, insecure dinosaur. In no position to know who to hire or what developers should be doing. Randomly deletes tickets and epics from JIRA in spite, then screams about deadlines.

Testing is the same in all 3 environments - Dev, SIT, and UAT. They have literally deployment instructions they run in all 3 - that is their "testing". The Head of Engineering doesn't believe test automation is possible.

They literally don't have architects. Literally no form of technical leadership whatsoever. Just screaming PMOs and lots of intern devs.

PMO full of lots of BAs refuses to use JIRA. Doesn't think it is its job to talk to the clients. Does nothing really except demands 2 hour phone calls every day which ALL developers and testers must attend to get shouted at. No screenshare. Just pure chaos. No system. Not Agile. Not Waterfall. Just spam the shit out of you, literally 2,000 emails a day, then scream if one task was missed.

Developers, PMO, everyone spends ALL day in Zoom. Zoom call after call. Almost no code is ever written. Whatever code is written is so bad. No design patterns. Hardcoded to death. Then when a new feature comes in that should take the day, it takes these unskilled devs 6 months, with PMO screaming like a banshee, demanding literally 12 hours days and weekends.

Everything on spreadsheets. Every JIRA ticket is copy pasted to Excel and emailed around, though Excel can do this.

The DevOps team doesn't know how to use Jenkins or GitHub.

You are not allowed to use NoSQL database because it is high risk.

Height of my career would be ability to travel and work from anywhere in the world without having to worry about finances or restrictions.

My IRL backgrounds will be better than Zoom backgrounds.

Literally slept off during this zoom call. I just woke up I don't wth everyone is talking about. Turns out my PR was up for discussion. Now I have to review a bunch of shit I thought I was done with. OS maintainers can be a pain sometimes 😭

The online meeting's awkwardness is real with me...

$ pkill zoom

I deployed to production in the middle of a zoom meeting with a client.

It was just a tiny change in the settings of a field that I 99% sure wouldn't produce any other major problem but we really wanted this client and we distracted them while the code was building.

Nerves racin all the way

Popped into a general tutorial meeting on zoom. (for work)

Now I'm stuck midway and I want to bail and go do other things but don't want to be rude to the speaker. 😛

Can't even sneak out of this with the excuse of going to restroom. 🤦🏻‍♀️

you know how every film awards ceremony has a dead people section where they play a video showing the pictures of the newly deceased but stylized like as if they perished in battle, like sepia+zoom out?

anyhow someone should edit a video like that for devrant users that deleted their accounts.

i browsed my posts yesterday and noticed several users that aren’t among us anymore.
(cue gregorian chant) may you rest from idiot managers and idiot client.

I want to work with managers with introverted personality who wouldn't call you or setup zoom meetings for stuff that can simply be texted.

Something you can do even if the (windows) PC is locked. Win+i to bring forth the funny menu (if I recall correctly). From there you can do stuff like invert colours and zoom extremly

Just got to test the app from the frontend team... Oh God why!!
5 minutes, found 5 bugs (c'mon testers!!)

Worst (and now it's a rant) why do designers insist on working with big screens and don't test it on a standard screen? You know? Those typical screens your users are using?

So, it looks great in a 24" screen but the focus is terrible in a 15.6" screen... No time to fix it... What should I tell the users? Works better at 85% zoom out? -_-

You just fucked up the main feature of the app! Congrats!!! The rest looks okay I guess

Why doesn't Skype of business have an application for Linux? Every company meeting where a developer isn't involved is run on sfb. Being on Ubuntu it is hard to attend any such meeting. Any meeting between developers is on zoom so we're good.
We can't really convince every one (other than developers) to start using zoom.
Do we have any other alternatives? Is this a lost cause?

So I just installed Windows 10 and decided to download GeForce Experience and got this through Microsoft Edge.
I tried Opera, same result. My friend told me to zoom out with Opera and then suddenly it worked. WHY?!?!? Since when is a newly installed Windows with bad resolution a mobile device or something? Can you please explain?

I feel like this belongs here

Microsoft Teams 👎

Luckily most of our company uses Zoom, which is great UX-wise. But MS Teams... What a joke!

I've even been on a call with MS engineers for some Office integration support. Of course, they scheduled a Teams meeting. It was embarrassing how bad the quality and connections were. But likely they simply don't know any better...

When your client tells you the page looks better at 75 percent zoom.

Took my laptop in the toilet to listen to zoom lectures and i took such a huge and loud dump that besides my mic being unmuted they could also smell it

Recent rant about hipster styled mobile-first websites which actually look awful on a desktop PC reminded me of this. How is this a good UX if I have to zoom out your page every single time? C'mon, I am not blind ffs!

You want some relevant info? How about a video that takes 90% of your screen instead?

Why do windows users keep installing those bloated anti viruses and firewalls that just slow the hack of their system when windows essentials is enough with near to no impact

Those are the same people that got their system full with malware

This week I had an interview via Zoom and the HR asked me "How would you feel positive/comfortable as an "apprenticeship person"?".

I asked them to repeat the question because it sounded weird and I thought it was maybe just my mind imagining things.

They said the same thing to which I asked why they ask me such a question thinking that this might be a new HR trap.

She (HR) felt that I was suspecting something and explained this is not a trap, but just to improve the company.

I don't think that's the case lol.

If I were to demand material things, it would not be in the company's favor.
+ how the hell am I supposed to know before even having worked with them for let's say a week?

That was strange

I hate applying for a job online. For some reason it just doesn't work out for me. I have a lot of humor but today my interviewer asked me if i was insecure doing that. I'm like "No, my whole family is like this".

But that's beside the point. Every company thinks they're so special. Well, some do have special benefits. But after a few times turned down my ego starts to break.

I'm so done with this new type of interviewing

Question and Update.
First of all, I would like to thank @ScriptCoded for an idea in the previous post, so then I have beautiful terrain now, and the complete world map generated like plots, and each of them consists of 5x5 different plots defined by neighbors :) Hired a digital artist who is working on much nicer plots as well.

The new issue is regarding the zoom.
The map is saved as JSON with the pixel-perfect location of each generated plot so I am detecting the collision with the mouse based on their location. After I zoom in, the script is still comparing the pixel location of the element, but the real screen is scaled already so the pointer is off (image2). The problem is described in image3 as well. How can I still get the canvas relative value of the mouse instead of the x,y coordinate on the current zoomed screen?

Have you ever got a situation that while working on a CMS (like this Drupal piece of shit), you wake some JavaScript code up?

Lead dev : "Yeah the zoom doesn't work anymore, go and debug it"
Me : "k I'm on it"
*Opens file, start to put 3 or 4 console.log() around to see where things start to break
*it breaks since the beginning why not*
*Starts to play around with variables*
*Result are 'normal'*
*Change edited line to what it was before*
*Code works fine*
*What the hell*
*Git revert /js/script.js*
*Empties cache*
*Code works as it was supposed to do before*

I swear to god I work here since January, this is the 3rd time it happens. Now I'm sure the project has a soul since it stole it from the developers that worked on it before me

Gna gna gna Chrome you stupid sucker!

I have some objects that I animate using JS triggered CSS translate with a transition duration. Why on earth would Chrome think it's a good idea to apply that duration also after the animation when I zoom the whole page?!

OK, slap a transition end handler on the object and reset the transition duration when the animation is done. But FF doesn't have that problem in the first place, and even IE works as intended!

I'm trying to upgrade my account passwords etc. keepass (password manager) doesn't generate resizable windows, so when I want to generate a new password or do anything that creates a new window, THE NEW WINDOW IS TOO TALL FOR ME TO SEE WHAT'S AT THE BOTTOM AND THERE'S NOT EVEN THE OPTION TO SCROLL OR ZOOM OUT. YOU'RE OPEN SOURCE AND GIVING ME THIS BULLSHIT? If you were a living creature you'd be a giraffe with short stubby legs. Your missing features mean you don't get the best leaves and leave you dining with the rest of the peasants. At least I can interact with what I CAN see and closing the window prompts me to save changes, and passwords are generated by the rules I can actually see to manipulate.

Maybe I should look into the source or look at others' screenshots to see what I can't and tab into it to make blind changes, but I'm sufficiently happy with the passwords it gives already. I'm just pissed something so well rated has a flaw like that. Like a game where some levels are locked and you can't unlock them through play -_-

When you get shocked to see if someone can hate Stackoverflow this much. Troll == Infinity
P.S. zoom if you can't see the image clearly. Sorry for not SO clear screenshot

Man, I sure am glad that FUCKING MOBILE SAFARI no longer obeys my viewport scale rules. It's really awesome how ALL of my projects now focus in on text inputs and then zoom so that the site feels broken after that when the user scrolls away. This was the last little bit of control we had to make our websites feel like apps. FUCK

Product managers?!? Sorry if there are any, but screw you guys! Im going home

I think we should have a decent web app for devrant. And... make it open source so we all could give a hand 🖐️

> Needed mspaint to change a few colors.
> On Linux, search for alternative
> Pinta is recommended alternative, ok.
> Install Pinta.
> Pinta slow as fuck -- scrolling at high zoom at maybe .3 frames/sec.

Just saw somebody zoom into a picture to crop parts of it and saving the same image - instead of atleast taking a screenshot of it, had to hold back a good laugh, when they 10 seconds later understood what they just did 😅

The datepicker saga

Part one

So I begin work on a page where user add their details, project is late, taking ages on this page

Nearly done, just need a component to allow users to put in some date of births. Look for react components.

Avoiding that one because fuck Bootstrap.

Ah-ha, that looks good, let's give it a go.

CSS doesn't exist, oh need copy it over from npm dist. Great it applied but...

... WTF it's tiny. Thought it was a problem with my zoom. Nope found the issue in github.com and it's something to do with using REM rather than EM or something, okay someone provided a solution, rather I saw a couple of solutions, after some hacking around I got it working and pasted it in the right location and yes, it's a reasonable size now.

Only it's a bit crap because it only allows scrolling 1 month at a time. No good. Hunting through the docs reveals several options to add year and month drop downs and allow them to be scrolled. Still a bit shit as it only shows certain years, figure I'd set the start date position somewhere at the average.

Wait. The up button on the scroll doesn't even show, it's just a blank 5px button. Mouse scroll doesn't work

Fucking...

... Bailing on that.

Part 2

Okay sod it I'll just make my own three drop down select boxes, day, month and year. Easy.

At this point I take full responsibility and cannot blame any third party. And kids, take this as a lesson to plan out your code fully and make no assumptions on the simplicity of the problem.

For some reason (of which I regretted much) I decided to abstract things so much I made an array of three objects for each drop down. Containing the information to pretty much abstract away the field it was dealing with. This sort of meta programming really screwed with my head, I have lines like the following:

[...].map(optionGroup =>
optionGroup.options[
parseInt(
newState[optionGroup.momentId]
, 10)
]
)...

But I was in too deep and had to weave my way through this kind of abstract process like an intrepid explorer chopping through a rain forest with a butter knife.

So I am using React and Redux, decided it was overkill to use Redux to control each field. Only trouble is of course when the user clicks one of the fields, it doesn't make sense in redux to have one of the three fields selected. And I wanted to show the field title as the first option. So I went against good practice and used state to keep track of the fields before they are handed off to the parent/redux. What a nightmare that was.

Possibly the most challenging part was matching my indices with moment.js to get the UI working right, it was such a meta mess when it just shouldn't have taken so stupidly long.

But, I begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel, it's slowly coming together. And when it all clicks into place I sit back and actually quite enjoy my abysmal attempt at clean and easy to read code.

Part 3

Ran the generated timestamp through a converter and I get the day before, oh yeah that's great

Seems like it's dependant on the timezone??!

Nope. Deploying. Bye. I no longer care if daylight savings makes you a day younger.

Keybase sold out to Zoom!? I didn't see that coming.

Let's pick a datepicker for the project. Me: jquery-ui ? Supervisor: No something better.
Jquery-ui: any css selector, standard date format masks (dd/mm/yyyy or mm-dd-yyyy....), Opens if the field is access using Tab key
Something better: only Id selector, custom date format mask ( %d/%m/%Y ...), Tab does not work

I decided to give Tidal a try... and I cannot zoom out to take a screenshot of the whole page! :D

You haven't lived until you've experience the sheer power of a CRT monitor, hooked up to a 286/12, with a 2600 baud external zoom for m00fing the shit out of other users in chat, so your friends with leech accounts can help download the 38 pkzip files via ZMODEM.

Shit... gotta go! iCE just released the latest pack on Sanctuary, and my ANSI art is being featured as the welcome screen on Pair O' Dice.

305, bitches!!1one

Why is there a - 1 plus option? Just listened to a podcast by stackoverflow where they explained how they removed the down vote option on comments out of the idea that you cant be wrong on what you think..
Just throwing an idea

Today a functional analyst said to me : The display need to be always the same, zoom or not. I think she don’t know how a web page work.

If you don’t know how a web page work, read on the subject before starting to argue with a web dev.

I left work early today, you know, to enjoy heat wave and the sun. At home I can take a nice shower and forget all the bugs from today.

Destination: Bergen op Zoom (boz)
Departing from: Rotterdam

1 train, straight through the country, sounds easy right?

Issue 1: boz train is 15 minutes late
Issue 2: massive issues emerge between one of the stations on my track and my train won't move

Solution 1: Take the train to Breda and then go to boz
Issue 3: that train has door issues, 15 minutes pass
Issue 4: During my trip to Breda all traffick between boz and Breda dies as well
Issue 4: the doors of the train ahead of us fuck up as well
Issue 5: I can't leave the train at the current stop because the doors are stuck

Thank god my father is willing to help me out by picking me up in the middle of nowhere in a place called Lage-Zwaluwe

And I'm wearing jeans and a backpack with a hot laptop in it from a hard days work

Luckily I don't have to work the following 2 days

There's nothing like having your boss elbow twist you into 1 hour of not-work-related zoom time past your working hours just because he's feeling lonely from the lockdown =/

My job is as a teacher, but my school just cancelled all in-person classes for the next two weeks, so I will have to teach over phone or Zoom (not sure what they're going to do yet). But I teach a science class and I am in the middle of a set of labs!! How are my students supposed to do lab work in groups over Zoom?!?!

Bug for iOS users to explore:
1. Take a photo
2. Edit the photo (crop/rotate)
3. Directly after saving the edited photo, start zoom
4. Zoom to infinity

Been there for years.

I start with the broad concept first.

"In the end, the application needs to do <this>. Okay. In order to get to <this> the application first has to know <that>".

Then, I just keep breaking this down until I get to the bits and pieces. I see the forest and then zoom in on the trees.

best feature on meeting software ever

Now every boss and client wants RWD on their sites... it's a pity they don't even know what it means...

"Why do this heading change size? I want it bigger!"

"the photo was ok side by side with the text. Why does it move above on my iPad"

"i can't zoom!"

So why exactly did anyone ever use zoom? The first time I ever heard about zoom was when I read a very detailed code dissecting mini writeup of its obvious flaws by a sec. researcher. Why and when did zoom become a thing? Also wtf where the zoom devs smoking and where can I get sum? That shit must fuck up your brain beyond repair.....

Meetings are the way of parasites to keep shining without doing shit. Why do they gave to drag me into their bullshit meeting?!$&

How do I help a software engineer student be better at developing software?

Background: I have this friend that started university with my young brother, two-or-so years ago my brother finished the career and got his degree while she is still there trying to finish the same career (!), we were looking the chance of changing careers but due to her low grades this is not possible and according to her U's counselor is better that she just finishes the career and gets her degree.

We scheduled a Zoom meeting for Sunday next week, to talk about her pain-points and see what improvement we can chase; issue is that I've never mentored anyone ever in my professional life (my brother from time to time drops a question to me or so, but that's different).

My plan is to either see if she suffers from lack of practice (meaning: she does not write software more often in order to improve her skills) or if it's hard for her to think in abstracts, either way, I believe that the latter improves if you do the former (just correct me if I'm wrong), thus the plan would be to assign her a bunch of programming exercises and have meetings at least once a week during her vacations.

My plan would be for her to actually learn game development with Godot, since the final result is always a game my hope is that having something to show encourages her to do the thing, but, who knows.

Have you ever done something like this for someone with the same issues? What was your experience and what nuggets of knowledge can you lend me?

P.S.: We don't live in the States but in Costa Rica, she does not have to deal with crippling student loans.

Two days ago I moved my active git repos to Keybase, created teams for each project and was so pleased to have one place to serve for chat, git and files. Now I have to move everything back and find new alternatives 😩

Time for payback, who's in?

I have always considered the regular recruitment spam to be annoying. Based on all your rants I now consider these messages a plague. My experiences with rodent... you either use repellent or lure them in a trap.

I have currently listed the following chatbot functionality for project 'Piper of Hamelin'. Love to hear your ideas to maximise counterparty time wasted.

- Yes I would be very interested in this job opportunity, especially since in addition to all 10 listed languages I am also very experienced in the following [list of 20 languages]
- Hi, hereby my resume, looking forward to your response (no attachment)
- Hi, hereby my resume, somehow it wasn't properly attached previous message (attach corrupted file)
- Hi, I am sorry but unfortunately something urgent came in between, can you please reschedule our meeting
- Hi, for some reason I cannot connect to Zoom/Teams/Else, can you send a new invite on another platform later this week
- Hi, somehow the document got lost, can you please resend vancency.pdf
- Hi, I really appreciate your time and effort, though a new opportunity came along just know that suits me better.

Coolest project must have been a mandelbrot set application we made in school. Where one could zoom in and out, and change color for different locations of the set. Just a fascinating thing!

Devrant? Who are gou guys? Is it a startup? A side project? Just curious :-)

Coworker admits to jerking off once behind a zoom call. He is a rookie.

It's the first day of school and they try to make an entertaining segment on TV.
There has been a lot of controversy whether electronic books should replace paper ones.
They ask a mother about her opinion on electronic books:
Her: I myself like the idea of lighter school bags a lot. But yesterday I tried to open one of the books on my perfectly working laptop, and it was all white. I tried to zoom but nothing changed...

People are simply not ready for that much technology in their lifes. Teachers also can't use the technology to its full potential. They have been teaching the same thing the same way for tens of years, they'll always fallback to their old methods

the word "zoom" hits differently nowadays