Dear self proclaimed wordpress 'developers/programmers', kindly go fuck yourself.

I'm not talking about wordpress devs/designers who don't claim to have a better skillset than they have and are actually willing to learn, those are very much fine.

I'm talking about those wordpress people who claim that they're developers, programmers or whatever kind of bullshit which they're obviously not.

"A client's site crashed, you have to fix it!!!!!" sorry, come again? It's YOUR client's site. It's hosted on our hosting platform meaning that WE are responsible for KEEPING THE SERVERS UP AND FUNCTIONING.
You call yourself a wordpress 'developer' with 'programming experience' for 10 years but the second one of your shitty sites crashes, you come to us because 'it's your responsibility!!!'.
No, it's not. Next to that fact, the fact that you have to ask US why the site is crashing while you could easily login to your control panel, go to the fucking error logs and see that one of your facebook plugins crashes with a quite English error message, shows me that you definitely don't have 10 years of programming experience. And if you can't find that fucking article which tells you exactly where the motherfucking error logs are, don't come crying to us asking to fix your own fucking bullshit.

"My clients site got hacked, you have to clean it up and get it online again ASAP!!!!" - Nah, sorry, not my responsibility. The fact that you explicitly put your wordpress installation on 'no automatic updates' also doesn't help with my urge to fucking end you right now.
Add to that that we have some quite clear articles on wordpress security which you appearantly found too difficult (really? basic shit like 'set a strong fucking password' is too difficult for you?), you're on your own.

"I'm getting an error, please explain what's going wrong as soon as you can! this is a prio 1!!!!" - Nope. You were a wordpress dev/programmer right? Please act like one.

I'm not your personal wordpress agent.

I'm not your personal hacked wordpress site cleanup guy.

I'm not even a fucking wordpress professional. No, I'd rather jump off a bridge than develop wordpress bullshit for a living.

That you chose to do this, not a problem. Just don't rely on me for fixing your shit.

I'm sick of cleaning up your bullshit.

I'm done with answering your high prio tickets about bullshit which any dev could find out with just a few minutes of searching.

Oh your wordpress site isn't showing up so high in google? Yeah sure, shoot a ticket at us blaming us for your own SEO mess. I'm a fucking sysadmin, not a SEO expert.

I'm fucking done with you.

Go die in a fucking corner.

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

: |
: |

It all makes sense now...

When I see other students projects at hackathons

Props to the devs who made this app, literally does nothing but still have 1 million dowloads and tons of 5 stars.

As a person who spends 99.99% of his time at home if not at school programming, reading, and watching netflix, what can I do to develop my social skills?

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

—_(*_*)_—

3rd time pushing my MYSQL password to Github... 😂

Look what I achieved today in Windows 7. Felt good. Today is a good day....

Was in a middle of competitive coding trying to do some operation on a nxn matrix. Wrote this code.

for(i = 0; i < n; i++){
for(j = 0; j < n; i++){
.......
.......
}
}

Was waiting for the output, only to wait long enough for the coding platform to throw a timeout at my face and make me doubt my skills.

I'm the git master in my group for a uni project as I am the only one with some experience.
This is what I have to deal with

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

File > New Project > Create

(awkward silence)

Me: ....
Computer: ....

The aCalendar app let's you choose vibration pattern, it's one of the better settings I've seen.

If Programming Languages Were Girls:

Java: Your current girlfriend, you've been going steady for a while now. Things are okay.

Kotlin: The girl Java finds you cheating on, she's just amazing, and you wish you'd met her sooner.

Visual Basic: The girl you accidentally started a relationship with because you didn't know how to say no. But quickly realised your mistake and regretted it.

JavaScript: A childhood friend you occasionally hook up with. But you could never settle for a relationship with them.

Python: A bossy, manipulative girl who quickly turned things sour. But everyone else loves her because of her huge libraries.
-----------------------------------------------------
My and a co worker were joking the other day about what programming languages would be like if they were girls. This is what we came up with (Original inspiration: the Distracted Boyfriend meme (Feel free to add your own!)).

So, I spent some time learning c++ and now my brain is completely melted coming from js.

Dear Apple,
Let us fking code on your ipad

My application closes, but with an error, but it technically still closed. Soooo, no problem, right?

Just use !important

"We expect you to be at your desk from at least 10-5 every day. You may work from home 1 day per month with a few days advance notice."

70 minute commute into SF each way, every day, so I can sit at an uncomfortable desk and not interact with anyone except on hipchat.

Always put some useless jumper cables to look cool

Just spent the last 10-20 minutes debugging a stupid error. Turns out I spelt construct wrong. FML.

Go to Defcon.
Buy Hak5 hacking tools.
Afraid to try them out.

Setup WIFI Pineapple.
Figure out how to use it.
Start seeing everyone hitting my captive portal instead of the hotels captive portal.
Immediately turn it off.
Feel like an asshole.

Why did I buy these?

Other people when they read SO:
________________
( Significant other )
————————— o
º
º

Me when I read SO:
_______________
( Stack overflow )
———————— o
º
º

!!metarant

I'm so fucking tired of seeing reposts of shitty memes from Reddit into this app. The people posting this shit didnt even make the fucking punchline, but their profiting from it. Also go fuck a duck, I didn't log into devrant to see the same stale fucking memes that were already reposted all over fucking reddit.

Go fuck yourselves, rant properly for fucks sake

Php ain't so bad... But still

Today I finished my robotics project. I had in my team a total idiot (the one who used the hidden divs, some might remember from another rant). I wanted to share with you the beginning of a ranting adventure.

Me: "you can begin with a simple task. I will send you the obstacle avoidance sensors values from Arduino, and you will send the data for the Arduino motors to dodge the obstacle".

The sensors give 1 if clear, 0 if obstacle is detected.

Below is his code (which I brutally rewrote in front of him).

Now, in the final version of the robot we have something like 9 sensors of the same time to work with.
Imagine what would have happened if we kept him coding. (Guess it: 2^9 statements! :D)

I was not that evil, I tried to give him some chances to prove himself willing to improve. None of them were used rightfully.

I'm so fucking glad we finished. I'm not gonna see him anymore, even if I'd like to be a technical interviewer for hiring just to demolish him.

I'm not always that evil, I promise (?)

Ps. He didn't even have any idea on what JSON is, even if we had already seen it during FIVE YEARS of computer engineering. (And should've known anyway if he had a bit of curiosity for the stuff he "studies")