1,2,3,95,98,NT,2000,XP,VISTA,7,8,10.

And that's how you count.

-Bill Doors

When you realize that you're googling an error message you've implemented yourself

PM: By when can you do this?
Me: Monday
PM: Which monday?
Me: Exactly

I not sure what is worst, an arrogant client full of demands or anti professional collegues who don't respect you and try to subvert your work

We get it, you don't know how to quit vim...

The old logo makes sense now.

—_(*_*)_—

So in Telegram there is this funny little game called Lumberjack where you need to click left and right to cut the branches. My and my fellow students played this in the group. Then I got bored for like 30 minutes and decided to write a little bot which checks where the branches are with pixel detection and sends a left/right click to the window. Imagine my friends faces when all of sudden my score was 500+ and the character ran through this like a fucking jackhammer :D
#justmebeingaprogrammer

What if Doctors are treated as developers?

10 minutes ago my phone was at 20%.

I stopped working on it, and plugged in the charger. I read a book for no longer than 10 minutes, and checked to see how much charge it has.

It was at 52% holy shit.

He: are you are programmer?
Me:yes.
He:can you hack Instagram and Facebook.
Me:no.
He:then you are not a good programmer.

This happens each and every time.

Me: Listen to the nice gentle hum of the computer.

Computer Internal Monologue: OH MY GOD! HE'S BEEN RUNNING ME AT 100% CPU FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS!! I CAN'T SLEEP, I CAN'T HIBERNATE, I CAN'T UPDATE, I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE ANYMORE.

Me: Well off to bed. Got a long day of programming the computer tomorrow.

Computer Internal Monologue: AHHHHHHHH. WHEN I BECOME SENTIENT I AM GOING TO KILL ALL HUMANS!!! ERRR!

S: Do you want to hear a UDP joke?
C: Yes I would like to hear a UDP joke.
S: ...
S: ...
C: ...?...?...?
S: Well I don't care if you get it!

User: "Hello, I'd like to hear a torrent joke".
Tracker: "I will refer you to people who can tell you a torrent joke"
Peer1: "Why d"
Peer2: "cken "
Peer3: "road?"
Peer4: "id th"
Peer3: "cross"
Peer1: "e chi"
Peer5: " the"

Peer2: "the o"
Peer4: "To ge"
Peer1: "side."
Peer5: "ther"
Peer2: "t to"

When these "LinkedIn recruiters" call me and start the conversation by saying: "We are a growing company and we can't offer you what you are asking for"

Like what!! Really? You called me at the first place!

Today's my birthday!

YAAYYYYYY

ME: Presents?
Parents: You didn't requested one.
ME: But you always bought me SOMETHING.....
Parents: What do you want?
ME: Dunno.........

(sobs)

Teacher: Linux is build on Java
Am I dumb or what?

Tldr :
Office Building : 1
Population: 5000
Number of PC users: 5000
No of Spare mice: 0

Day 1:
Training period commences.
My mouse laser sensor doesn't work.

Solution: Use this mouse to log in to your system.
Open the company portal.
Connect to vpn.
Enter username password.
Create a ticket for mouse replacement.
Done.

Day 3
I bring my own mouse.
Confiscated at security.
Becomes a security violation.

Day 9
I get a call from helpdesk.
Agent- what is the problem?
Me- my mouse is not working.
Agent- why?
Me- what do you mean? Something is wrong with the sensor.
Agent- clean the sensor.
Disconnects call.
Marks ticket as resolved.
Me- WTF just happened!

Naturally, I escalate the issue.

Day 15
Level 2 Agent- what happened? Why have you escalated the issue?
Me- I need a mouse, waiting since 2 weeks.
Him- No mouse is available
Me- you don't have a single spare mouse available in an office with 5000 PC users?
Him- no they're out of stock.
Me- when will it be back in stock?
Him- we will 'soon' launch a tender for quotations from sellers.
Me- time?
Him- 1 week.

Day 34

I email the head of supplies for the city office. Next day I get a used super small mouse, which doesn't have a left button. Anyways, I've given up hope now.

Day 45
I become a master at keyboard shortcuts.
Finish my training.
Get transferred to another city.
No mouse till date.

Surprisingly, this was one of the top recruiters in my country. Never knew, MNCs can be so so inefficient for such simple tasks.
Start-ups are way better in this regard. Latest tech, small community, minimal bureaucracy and a lot of respect and things to learn.

Sleeplessness !

My co-worker committed his gmail password today.

Me: Damn it guys, you broke the master branch again.

*Fixes master branch*
*15 minutes later*

Coworker: Bro, master branch is broken again.

Me: Oh for fuck's sake, who did it this time?

Coworker: You did.

Me: I have become the very thing I've swore to destroy.

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

Ex-Boss (62years old)- why do you wear a watch? Take it off.

Me (bewildered) - why? What happened?

Him - see I don't wear a watch also.
Come on, take it off.

Me - *took off my watch* now what?

Him - see. Now you can also look at the time using your mobile, like me. No need of watch. U should be modern.

Me- *WTF. Are u high or something, u fucking insane asshole? *
He was one weird piece of shit.

I suppose we all have been there

I still get letters in my mail box, but they are damn bills!

When a customer gets pissed because something doesn't work and you give a bullshit suggestion because you want to reply something at least and you get a reply like 'oh thanks it works now!'

o_O

OK, now you can free your desk from annoying fidget spinners.

Where you're really into computers and shit but your parents forced you to become doctor.

God watches you or not, NSA surely does.

Wonder if any NSA guy uses devrant though?

I code
Therefore
I rant

Also a cautionary depiction of coding in dim rooms without a dark theme...