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Joined devRant on 5/18/2016
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Being lazy taught me more about (code) automation that years of study ever did.
“Ugh! Updating translations is boring, why do I have to do this manually?”
“Damn I really hate having to remember endpoints”
“Oh, come on! Its the third time I initialise this the same way!”
I’d love to say this is a motivational speech or something but no, im just lazy lol2 -
I found my 1989 GAMEBOY ... Motherfucker still works like a charm 🥰 now to find my nokia 3310 and I'm ready to travel back in time and escape the COVID194
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A colleague had a brilliant idea: he bought a button which yells "NOOOOOOOOO" when pressed. So if someone enters our office and asks "He mate can you quickly... NOOOOOOO"
Serously every dev needs one of those 😂3 -
I don't know man if it's inferiority superiority complex or I'm actually bit slow in development but the guy who works with me is quite fast at making stuff. I don't want be a person who left out by his co-worker. The constant thing going on my mind these days is how can i become faster at making stuff.4
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At first I thought this app was a monster. Something to be afraid of. Turns out it’s more like an autistic puppy that’s been beaten by a dozen owners. It’s scared, snappy and confused.4
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"Please add a feature to check the user's internet connection before the application starts."
-- THIS IS A GOD DAMN WEB APPLICATION, YOU DUMB MORONS! Maybe I should add a feature next that checks for the user's computer being turned on or what? How about making sure the application isn't run when the power is out?!
Jesus fuck.14 -
Conversation today...
Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"
Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."
Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."
Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"
Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"
Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."
Guy: "But you said it was easy."
Well fuck you...12 -
My girl friend broke up with me few days ago without any solid reason. Today i stopped her and ask her why she broke up with me and she started giving stupid reasons whereas she was the one who was actually guilty of those accusations.23
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I made a simple HTML site for watching Google I/O live without all the ads that third party websites try to stuff up your face. It also has the official countdown from the event website 👌 (The countdown will disappear as soon as it runs out)
Check it out at adless-io.firebaseapp.com3 -
New devRant web app for desktop is now live! (https://devrant.com - the .com will now redirect to feed if you are logged in) Let us know what you think, and especially if you spot any bugs (very likely some slipped through). Some cool new features are still in development, will be out shortly.64
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Showed my coworker this. He sat there staring in agony and groaning.
Coworker: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Me: "Is your coworker broken? Fix them in just three easy steps!" -
Duckduckgo is AWESOME :)
So happy I moved on from Chrome & Google (just searching for now, its a long process)6 -
"Every great developer you know got there by solving problems they were unqualified to solve until they actually did it." - Patrick McKenzie1
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You know, one thing that really puzzels me is that people are willing to use WinRar despite there being plenty of better alternatives (*cough*7-Zip*cough*) that doesn't slap an activation notice in your face every fucking time.4
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I want to make a worm that recognizes when the user is using headphones and occasionally play a silent footstep sound behind them.7
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Not me, but a colleague of mine ordered 10,000 pens with <company>.com printed on them - but our company had a .org address.14
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5 Types Of Programmers
1.The duct tape programmer
The code may not be pretty, but damnit, it works!
This guy is the foundation of your company. When something goes wrong he will fix it fast and in a way that won’t break again. Of course he doesn’t care about how it looks, ease of use, or any of those other trivial concerns, but he will make it happen, without a bunch of talk or time-wasting nonsense. The best way to use this person is to point at a problem and walk away.
2.The OCD perfectionist programmer
You want to do what to my code?
This guy doesn’t care about your deadlines or budgets, those are insignificant when compared to the art form that is programming. When you do finally receive the finished product you will have no option but submit to the stunning glory and radiant beauty of perfectly formatted, no, perfectly beautiful code, that is so efficient that anything you would want to do to it would do nothing but defame a masterpiece. He is the only one qualified to work on his code.
3.The anti-programming programmer
I’m a programmer, damnit. I don’t write code.
His world has one simple truth; writing code is bad. If you have to write something then you’re doing it wrong. Someone else has already done the work so just use their code. He will tell you how much faster this development practice is, even though he takes as long or longer than the other programmers. But when you get the project it will only be 20 lines of actual code and will be very easy to read. It may not be very fast, efficient, or forward-compatible, but it will be done with the least effort required.
4.The half-assed programmer
What do you want? It works doesn’t it?
The guy who couldn’t care less about quality, that’s someone elses job. He accomplishes the tasks that he’s asked to do, quickly. You may not like his work, the other programmers hate it, but management and the clients love it. As much pain as he will cause you in the future, he is single-handedly keeping your deadlines so you can’t scoff at it (no matter how much you want to).
5.The theoretical programmer
Well, that’s a possibility, but in practice this might be a better alternative.
This guy is more interested the options than what should be done. He will spend 80% of his time staring blankly at his computer thinking up ways to accomplish a task, 15% of his time complaining about unreasonable deadlines, 4% of his time refining the options, and 1% of his time writing code. When you receive the final work it will always be accompanied by the phrase “if I had more time I could have done this the right way”.
What type of programmer are you?
Source: www.stevebenner.com16 -
A story about how a busy programmer became responsible for training interns.
So I was put in charge of a team of interns and had to teach them to work with Linux, coding (Bash, Python and JS) and networking overall.
None of the interns had any technical experience, skills, knowledge or talent.
Furthermore the task came to me as a surprise and I didn't have any training plan nor the time.
Case 0:
Intern is asked to connect to a VM, see which interfaces there are and bring up the one that's down (eth1). He shuts eth0 down and is immediately disconnected from the machine, being unable to connect remotely.
Case 1:
Intern researches Bash scripting via a weird android app and after a hour or so creates and runs this function: test(){test|test&}
He fork-bombed the VM all other interns used.
Case 2:
All interns used the same VM despite the fact that I created one for each.
They saved the same ssh address in Putty while giving it different names.
Case 3:
After explicitly explaining and demonstrating to the interns how to connect to their own VMs they all connect to the same machine and attempt to create file systems, map them and etc. One intern keeps running "shutdown -r" in order to test the delay flag, which he never even included.
Case 4:
All of the interns still somehow connect to the same VM despite me manually configuring their Putty "favorites". Apparently they copy-paste a dns that one of them sent to the entire team via mail. He also learned about the wall command and keeps scaring his team members with fake warnings. A female intern actually asked me "how does the screen knows what I look like?!". This after she got a wall message telling her to eat less because she gained weight.
Case 5:
The most motivated intern ran "rm -rf" from his /etc directory.
P.S. All other interns got disconnected because they still keep using his VM.
Case 6:
While giving them a presentation about cryptography and explaining how SSH (that they've been using for the past two weeks) works an intern asked "So is this like Gmail?".
I gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked if he meant the authorization process. He replied with a stupid smile "No! I mean that it can send things!".
FML. I have a huge project to finish and have to babysit these art majors who decided to earn "ezy cash many" in hightech.
Adventures will be continued.26 -
If the machines do rise up and take over the world, I just hope my devices remember how good i was to them.10
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Am I the only one that tries to make a program... but has an error for like 5 hours... and then realizes how to solve it while taking a showe?12
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Introducing Marvel's newest anti-hero...Threadpool. He can do three things at once...I never said it was a big thread pool. He must get revenge on his nemesis Task Manager with the help of his side kick Q.