friend of mine: "I like my servers like I like my girls"
me: "insecure?"

She said yes :D

They chose mine! THEY CHOSE MINE!

32, 34, 38, 46, 62, 94 and so on.

The truth, whole truth, and nothing but there truth.

Explain the movie Inception to a programmer.....
Basically, when you run a VM inside another VM, inside another VM, inside another VM…, everything runs real slow!

Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

If you see someone coding at mcdonalds, starbucks etc.

"Excuse me, would you like a fork for that spaghetti"

Dear dfox,

Thank you for not making your app completely change layouts and screw up scrolling whenever we turn on our sides when reading rants in bed, unlike nearly every mobile web browser out there. We all really appreciate it.

--Random devRanter

Hey everyone!

devRant will be going down on Friday, July 7th around 10:30pm EDT so we can do some database maintenance and restructuring of our cluster. It hopefully won't be down for more than about 30 minutes or so, and during that time you should see our "down for maintenance" message.

If you usually use devRant while you're on the toilet (we know many do!), we apologize and suggest you try to schedule around this!

Please let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the inconvenience.

I think I am tired.

I almost did a switch-case on a boolean.

It blows.

But not much.

• Manager : WTF did you push, now it keeps crashing all the servers.

• Me : (silent, I'm trying to speak but nothing is coming out. Felt like someone in coma).

• Someone else shouts at boss : Now we now have 47 major crisis bridges​.

[I went running for the door to get away from everything.]

Only to find myself rolling on the floor tangled in my bedsheets after falling from my bed. Realized it was all but a nightmare.

Went to get some water. While taking the first sip...
Me: Shit, I'm late for work AGAIN.

Running for the door again. Then stopped to think if this is all some fuckin premonition. Hurriedly went for my phone to find out it's nothing but Sunday.

I'm thinking about a career switch now. No more devops once this is over.

Interviewer: (on the phone) do you know what SQL injection is?

Me: Are you a cop?

First date tip: Don't tell her that you prefer back-end over front-end. Programming is apparently "the most perverted thing in the world"...

Yesterday's JR web dev interview:
👨🏻‍💻: Experience?
👶: Well JS, pyhton, UX Design and bit of Sass.
👨🏻‍💻: Feel like you'll have a hard time learning PHP?
👶: Well if it needs to be PHP, I can learn it.. Are you using a certain CMS?
👨🏻‍💻: Cool, good. Yeah we're using WordPress and need to support our sites for IE8.
👶:... Well.. ehm.. *runs away and screams in panic 💨*

Happy Halloween!

Totally agreed.

Linux distributions.

So i saw this on fb today..
Haha