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A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday.
Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?
Source: Twitter @cryptomanran16 -
Excuse me boss!
During increment time
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an Plane. If u drop 1 outside. How many
are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the Plane that's the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!
Moral: If your boss has decided to screw u, no matter How much u prepare u will be screwed.19 -
How my birthday is going so far:
1. Dropped coffee on my shirt
2. Client is wondering why we removed a feature that he wants yet asked us to remove a week ago
3. Dev server is no longer working
4. Internet connection is shit
5. My VPN keeps on disconnecting (see #4)
Is this day going to end or what?53 -
*calls grandpa I don't usually talk to that much to congratulate him for his birthday*
*grandpa picks up*
*congratulates*
Him: so, I know that you study CS and I was working on something [Word document at the moment] and my letters keep getting different sizes! Sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big, sometimes they're in between! I have to erase everything everytime because they just get messed up every time!
Me *sighing, but confused because upper-case and lower-case are the same with "big letters" and "small letters", respectively, in my native language: have you checked Caps Lock on your keyboard?
Him: What is that? I have Esc, 1, 2, 3,... (proceeds to read me the keys on the keyboard)
*explains where caps lock is*
Him *gets angry*: no, you don't understand, sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big and sometimes in between! Caps Lock doesn't solve it! *proceeds to read the keys from the keyboard again*
*thinking that maybe it's the font then, asks about the Word version, to know what to point him to*
Him: WHAT? Word? No! I'm using my keyboard! What don't you understand! I explain to you and you have no idea!
Me: well, I'd need then maybe to see the screen
Him: I'm so angry with you, you say you study so much but are not even able to help me with such a small problem. I'll just find someone else. Thanks for your wishes *hangs up*
And this is how I only tried to congratulate my grandfather for his birthday but turned into a "failing" tech support. I just wanted to be a good granddaughter14 -
Since 2011, everyone in my large family lights candles on birthday cakes in binary. 1 is lit candle, 0 is just a candle. I taught them to do this. I mean you can encode years from 1 to 127 with just seven candles, so we’re using the same pack of small candles we bought in 2011.
Fuck you big candle industry. You got nothing on me.16 -
I'm 21 today 😦, I'm up at 1 in the morning programming.
I'd still rather be on a PC on my birthday... Though to be far I did go out all weekend with my mates got absolutely hammered... I got punched by a girl in the face (I did nothing I swear) among... Other things
Future holds big things.12 -
My uncle was a programmer. My whole extended family lived very close together, so I saw him almost every weekend. He would tell me tall tales about the war between corporations and open source. I started hating all things Microsoft and advocating for Linux. For my 12th birthday, he gave me a computer he had recently fixed. Of course, it had Ubuntu Linux.
That's when he started teaching me the basics: Bash, Lisp, and C. I know some of you are tired of the cliche "I started coding at 12 and built my first OS at 16," but of course that's not reality. I really just wrote simple math formulas like chicarronera^[1] for my homework, a super simple text-input videogame, and a button-filled GUI. That's nothing compared to what I do now, so I won't dare put that into my resume. But it did give me an advantage over my peers, and by the time I had to self-learn web development for my job, my uncle had already given me all of these tools.
[1] Spanish slang for the quadratic equation. Literally means "street vendor who sells chicharron". The formula is taught so fierce in school that even street vendors must know it.3 -
My daughter made me two things:
1) She found a rock in the shape of an “alien” head. Knowing I love to research UFOs, she used nail polish to decorate the rock like an alien. And I just love it!
2) I have a reputation for being just like Charlie Brown with my luck in life. I also suck at math. Like, really, really bad. I was diagnosed with dyscalculia 22 years ago. It’s a running joke at our house such that I even have the t-shirt she depicts me wearing in this painting of “me” she did for my birthday.
3 -
I think I nailed it.
I had an interview on Friday. Never had I ever such a good one. Everything went so smoothly I'm amazed to this moment.
It started pretty much normally. Few questions about me and my CV. Next some soft skills check and few minutes talking in English to make sure I know how to speak.
Next, two funny trick questions. I hope I'll translate them good enough.
1) You've got 6 cups in a row. Three of them, next to each other, are empty. Remaining 3 are full. You've got one movement to make them stand alternately, ie. Full, empty, etc. or Empty, full etc.
2) You've got yourself a cake. Normal, birthday cake in a shape of a cylinder. On three cuts, you have to cut it in 8 equal pieces.
Next was technical interview. The only thing I couldn't answer to was a formula to get angle between camera and two objects on the scene. Something about cos x.
They told me that I was the only recruitee to make project using Hololens SDK. Other people made the images gallery in 2D only.
Also they were VERY impressed that I managed to send them fix that changed a lot of the gallery in an hour. No one was expecting it so fast since the feature wasn't all that simple. Or so they said. Code was written so it wasn't hard to implement this change.
Now I've got to wait at least a week for their response. As you could imagine, I'm nervously checking my email each time I get any spam.
I'd like to thank @fire-phoenix and @Root that were responding to my last posts about this new work tasks and current hardships. I know it's a bit too early to celebrate but I'm just so hyped for how well everything went 😀10 -
if (MONTH === 1 & DAY === 18) {
alert("Bro, it's your birthday");
} else {
alert("Bro, just go away, you're nothing special 😅);
}12 -
Minecrafters, come here :)
So, as I wrote before, I'm working on a custom minigame network called Silverfern, I've planned the grand opening for the 1st of February, which is my birthday. Now, the minigame base and 1 fast minigame is ready, the only real thing we have to finish is the punish system (ban/mutes) and a quick anticheat. I need to finish them before the grand opening, I hope I'll be fast and code good enough.
I've started working on it 1.5 years ago, I hope we can see on the server on February the 1st!11 -
It's my first birthday!!!!
~$ uptime
11:06:55 up 365 days, 3:02, 86 users, load average: 1,20, 1,33, 1,22
Happy birthday to you, lappyyyyyyy......
Happy birthday toooooooo yyooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu11 -
Downsides of social media:
+ Learn your cat died from a casual comment of your cousin's on the pic of her new doggie that ate it. She 'luuurvs him', by the way..
+ Friends got married! We really wanted to tell you in person! ... What do mean, facebook notifications?
+ No, sorry, I couldn't remember your birthday if you didn't put it on facebook. Not even if it's the 29th + 1..
- Mom
-_-3 -
Ok i post it a bit late but what the hell.
This is my monster now! I now shall conquer the world!
MSI GL62 7RD
with that configuration:
CPU: i5 7300HQ
RAM: 8GB DDR4
GPU: gtx1050
HDD: WB blue (small laptop one) 1TB
Ok i already had that configuration for a while... but it was sloooowwwww D:
That is why for my birthday/chrismas i bought myself additional 8GB of ram and a tiny nvme ssd to make everything 1000x faster! 😎
1 ++ for a person who reads how big the ssd is...
11 -
so... not really a rant because i'm happy to be in the long-term zenlike state where i don't really give a fuck about anything anymore, but...
so today's my birthday (thanks in advance for all the semi-mandatory "cheers" reactions and such)
the agency i do temp jobs through sends money weekly (for the one week back) (which is the main and only reason i use them). they arrive at friday 12:25, so that's when i know to go "check" by withdrawing it, and it's also awesome because it's the best time to provide funds to reward myself (by booze/weed) at the end of the week.
last week, nothing came in. i called them and learned it was due to the contact person in the company i did job in being too late on sending the agency list of people who showed up at the work, i was told it's gonna arrive one week later together with the proper payment for the week-1,so effectively i was one week without any money (literally), but on the next week double was going to arrive, which is nice.
that next week of double was now. i found out that no double arrived, only single-value payment. i called them to ask why.
i was told that what arrived was the late payment, and the dude in company was again late with sending the presence list, so the other payment, for the proper week's work, will be a week late again.
so... that kinda ruined my financial planning tor tge week that's going to happen.
i guess my point (if i have any) is... funny how when someone fucks up, there's nobody for me to be angry at and hold responsible in any way, but when i have delays in my work due to delays upstream, nobody gives a shit about my excuses and it's my fault and i should have compensated, it was my responsibility and duty, and me not doing it (to my own detriment, for someone else) is me failing.
funny how the subjective dynamics of the world always somehow works out in a way where everyone else fucks up and i either have to suck it up and be okay with it otherwise i'm a selfish unreliable entitled asshole, or suck it up and extinguish their fire for them, otherwise i'm a selfish unreliable entitled asshole XD
anyone else noticed this in their life?
how does it work? what is the factor that decides whether you're in the "suck it up" class or the "fuck it, someone else will suck it up" class?
doesn't seem to (just) be the money(flow), i've seen this thing happen even in situations where the money/client dynamics were flowing the opposite way to what would be natural for the shit fall direction.4 -
As an exercise lets see how many different ways we can wish devRant Happy Birthday in code. Try not to copy peoples examples, use a different language or different method.
A couple of examples to start the process:
* LOLCODE *
HAI 1.3
LOL VAR R 3
IM IN YR LOOP
VISIBLE "Happy Birthday"!
IZ VAR LIEK 1?
YARLY
VISIBLE "Dear devRant"!
NOWAI
VISIBLE "to you"!
KTHX
NERFZ VAR!!
IZ VAR LIEK 0?
GTFO
KTHX
KTHX
KTHXBYE
* C *
#include <stdio.h>
#define HP "Happy birthday"
#define TY "to you"
#define DD "Dear devRant"
typedef struct HB_t { const char *s; const char *e;} HB;
static const HB hb[] = {{HP,TY}, {{HP,TY}, {{HP,DD}, {{HP,TY}, { NULL, NULL }};
int main(void)
{
const HB *s = hb;
while(s->start) { printf("%s %s", s->s, s->e); }
return 1;
}12 -
1. using "if... then... else..." When explaining something tru slack to non tech people
2. buying lamps i can program
3. dreaming abt my code
4. dreaming abt the solution
5. trying to make bot to send happy birthday msg -
How to deal with situations when in work people are overstepping personal boundaries too much?
My situation is that 2 months ago I started working in a very small startup and it currently consist of 3 ceos(main ceo, marketing ceo, product manager) and 3 employees (backend, android and ios).
What I currently dread is tea breaks. There is one at monday before work which lasts for 1 hour. And there is another one at Friday after lunch which lasts 1 hour again. I hate these Friday talks about "what are your plans for the weekend" which then triggers a circlejerk of ppl trying to impress each other about what they are going to do on their weekends. Same happens on mondays they circlejerk about how their weekend was amazing.
My situation is that I came to this country just to get skills and make shit ton of money when Im at it. Besides my fulltime work, I also am freelancing part time in my previous gig and also Im managing 2 other hobbie projects. I like to keep myself occupied during weekends so they usually consist of shopping/pc repairs/gym/working on my hobbie projects.
So basically when I tell them what I've done over the weekend the ceo's don't seem to be impressed so they start suggesting me to do something else. I completely loose any motivation of sharing my personal life when they start telling me what to do with my life.
I don't feel like exploring the city or meeting new people since maximum Im going to stay in this country is 6-9 more months. Then I'm probably going back to my own country.
Anyways even overall, I started dreading this companies culture. The politeness is so fake. For example there is an employee which has worked 3 years for them and the ceos haven't even increased his salary. I joined 2 months ago and I get paid more than him! They dont value loyalty at all since immigrants can be replaced easily. Another example: 2 weeks ago it was my birthday and no one from ceos even shook my hand, for them it was normal to just say happy bd during a standup.
So fking weird. I feel like I'm seeing redflags every day and not sure how long more I can stay here.5 -
When your Alma Mater wishes you on your birthday.
My name is not Ajay Reddy and it's not my birthday
4 -
Its only 5 months left till my graduation,and my mind is getting fucked up.
The current startup i am interning with is a lot stressful and demanding. I am giving my 1000%, only because this is the only place to.. how can i explain..
if world is a race of horses, then i am the tortoise and these guys are the only slow horses that i think i can catch up with. These people are your next door app dev startup, releasing multiple apps fastly and trying to hit the magic recipe. I am not sure if i am learning anything besides how to search stuff on my own and produce faster results. But still, better than nothing.
However i am a far sighted person and am not sure if this is the future that i want.
I am currently giving 14+ hours to this startup as an intern (including all the traveling from home). The only relaxation i could make in future is to shift near the office which will save me 3-4 hours but then what?
I am currently running out of goals. My childhood was shit, but i want to make my youth meaningful.
Leaving my home means leaving the only 2 people (mom/dad) currently present actively in my life.
My college would be over by then, all my colleagues are all on their own ,going into different companies. We don't meet now leave alone meeting then. I am also not much into( or have the time to be into) online games and anime where those guys meet/chat
Not that i was able to gather courage to get into some relationship or talk to people till now. I don't have much talks with my officemate or gals coz 1 :i am so full of work and (2) i simply can't
Currently i spent my whole Saturday sleeping and watching movies and Sunday doing the office work.
Is this going to be my whole working life now? I often think other people's jobs as less demanding but i don't think that would be the case.
I just want to be in touch with people, the people that i know, the people i can trust somewhat.
When i was in 7th std, life was so easy. There was this just 1 irritating thing called school that we had to attend.
After that, we used to run down to nearest park in our shorts and cricketbats or rsckets, play till our heart's content, then sit in some friends house for hours and talk shit , then come back home , do some irritating study, then go back to watching television and playing online games with those same friends , while deciding the birthday party of some guy and game plans for the next day.
Damn5 -
So first rant, here goes weirdness, and also lengthy rant
So in my company we have the hr and accounting managed by the same person which also deals with all things employee related and she had a need for a way to extract a birthday from, what is in our country the personal identification number, things go great i get a formula that performs parts of the magic up to the point where the first digit of the number dictates the gender and century to be used when forming the full year, mind you only the last two digits of the year are in plain within the id number so i thy a number of ideas. After bashing around google sheets for a while ( i've got open office installed and formulas don't export well to the excel that person uses but google sheets does so i built it there).
First idea : make a few conditionals to check for the value so we have 1 and 2 for 19th century, 3 and 4 for 18th century , 5 and 6 for 20th so i go ahead and write my conditions and they fail, all evaluates to false, it cascades through the else variants up to the last one so i'm wondering if the "if" itself doesn't support the or operator, seems it does, next i think it's the bloody condition written wrong so i reevaluate my logic in php in a test script, it works as intended, then i think ok not the right function called, let's see the docs, docs confirm i'm doing it right but what was wrong was the way i was getting that first number, using left seems to produce a string although the base thing is a number, now i start searching how i can cast it, like you would normaly do when the data type is fried, value function appears to be the solution but it isn't working....now i'm thinking "ok so i have a value and different things to print out so let's look for a switch, maybe it can understand that" switch function found under the form of choice, i get it sorted but am stuck wondering why the heck was the if and value combination not working.
Simple answer to that : value doesn't work well with function results, a known bug listed by someone in a comment, a comment i have failed to read for about 45 minutes of trying to understand.
All in all it worked well for the person asking for it so it's nice. -
On March 31st I asked our HR to print off a birthday sign for Ed for April 1st. Which I hung outside Ed's office. I also asked to put Ed's birthday as 4/1 in the electronic bulletin board at work. I was hoping for Ed to see the bulletin board on Monday. He did see this Friday. He knew it was me and was a good sport about it. He kept the birthday sign on his office all day.1
-
!dev
feeling so low about my life right now. i feel like a lifeless blob who doesn't deserve to be happy.
- my previous !dev (sorry dfox, i am a dev but still use this place to rant !dev things most of the time) rant tell the story of my heart right now, which got ripped to shreds once my one side love got off my car that day.
- i kinda wanna meet my homie gang, they are the group of guys to whom i go when my life is going bad and wanna escape reality. coz they sure don't have any solutions, but they have stupid talks to keep me entertained (and food/drinks fill up the sorrowful heart).
however am not sad at my reality. In fact, am trying to indulge myself more into office work, freelancing and private classes. plus they are kinda selfish and ignorant of my actual problems.
I just wish i could feel loved and respected once more.
--------
unrelated, but birthdays are such an interesting thing. people wish you on their own, try to talk to you with more than 1 word responses, some even call you or meet you personally. everything feels special.
this doesn't happen on usual days. i had my birthday last month. by the end of my birthday, i was in love with one girl, planning a meetup with 3 , and planning a trip with 2 different groups of friends. i also was thinking of taking extra leaves and pre planning my arguments with my family as i was going to go on lots of place on upcoming weekends. super extrovert-ish
cut to today. i kinda did most of these and today am at a stage where i got nothing planned for a sunday but don't feel like meeting known humans as a recreational activity.1 -
(going through some stupid thoughts and just wanted to vent out. sorry for your time waste if you keep reading this)
i think there's something fundamentally wrong about my personality that makes me unloveable .
i only fell for 2 girls in my life, told my feelings to 1 , she rejected nd then i rarely ever tried. this was all 10 nd 15 years ago respectively . and after that, i rarely ever thought about love and relationships as my personal life was already a running hot mess that needed my attention.
however for last 3 years i have been financially stable, goal oriented, and an achieving job person. I feel super lonely, so I have been trying to look for love and companionship among the people i know.
First was this company colleague that i kinda liked and had a crush on. I liked spending time with her, she was also a mobile dev and we tought each other lots of things and in a few days i told her that i had feelings for her. She rejected. Very well, we are still office mates, i am kinda broken but oh well.
I thought that my mistake was telling too soon, so i learnt . My personal pride also took a hit, so i started working upon whatever things i can improve : i switched for a better package, i bought financially show off things, i started working out, blah blah blah. I have a shity face and a tiny body, nd that's god fault.
next was this girl that came to be known via common friends. She was cool, lives alone, likes to roam and go to places. My friends were busy on my birthday, but she was sweet and casual enough to meet me alone . i took her to my favourite restaurant and had a nice chat with her. then nexr week we went to watch the (fuckin) barbie movie . we were known for 3 months and have met many times together or with friends, so i kinda liked her. i thought this was some exclusive treatment to me on her end, so i casually asked if we are friends or we are dating, and she straight away replies "friends" . well , alright 💔
this is stupid. why am i born on this fucking world if i am destined to be just alone most of my life24
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