Today I realized an interesting thing about social media I use:

Twitter: using since 20.06.2016, likes from J.Dorsey: 0
Facebook: using since 21.11.2010, likes from M.Zuckerberg: 0
Vk.com: using since 24.10.2008, likes from P.Durov: 0
devRant: using since last Sunday, likes from @dfox : 1

Didn't notice this initially because I'm new to devRant, but today I decided to visit the About page. Then I looked at my notifications. Then once again the About page. *a lightbulb appears* xD

End user - licks broken lightbulb.

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, because developers are sensible and rational people.

How many devs you need for changing a lightbulb?

10. One for holding the ladder, one for changing the bulb.

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But you can guarantee the next developer who comes into the room will want to take it out and replace the bulb and the fixing because the previous developer did a shit job.

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

One of those things that put a smile on my face happened today.

I (like many devs) am fond of Linux. So I use Linux on everything.

I'm currently doing an internship abroad in Finland(Linus Torvald's country!) for my college.

So there is this Finnish student who uses Linux. And after a while he asked what I was using so I told him that I'm running linux(arch+i3 like all the cool kids).

So one day he was like; But can you game on Linux?
I was like, yeah sure, might not work as well as Windows but some games run native and some can be emulated through wine. He was like; Hmm maybe I'll try it out.

So he installed Linux mint on his laptop and came to work. I was rather proud (even though he installed the bastard child of Debian and Ubuntu).

So far I've helped him set up streaming games from his pc to Linux and port forwarding.

But then came the big boy. Since I always try to teach him some stuff since they don't teach him a lot at his school.

He asked me if I could help him set up a plex streaming server on Linux.

So we took an old computer and installed Ubuntu Server(Lot's of information for it).

Installed and configured plex server, qtbittorrent-knox and all kind of goodies.

I started showing him how to use ssh, how the rights system works, etc.

It broke my heart a little that he want to be able to teamviewer in it.(since it's running openSSH daemon)

So he installed Ubuntu's desktop ontop of it as well as teamviewer.

It ran slow as hell because the PC has an old crummy core2duo and ddr2 2gb of ram. It chokes when multitasking.

So seeing that as well as telling him everything that can be done with a GUI can be done in CLI.

I saw the lightbulb lighting up. He gets it now. He understand the power of Linux.

That just made me smile all the way home.

Sorry bitch raised her voice at me because “it’s ITs job to change a lightbulb!” BITCH! I will shove that fucking lightbulb down your throat.... and I’ll make damn sure it busts so you NEVER raise your annoying fucking voice at me again.

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go ride bikes!

How many JS frameworks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whenever we need something at the office, like someone to change a lightbulb or fix the printer or whatever.....

The techs literally come running lmao

These b the perks of the manager being absolutely gorgeous lmao. It really does help and I have never seen such effective motivational variable

Q: How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Yes.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter. Its a hardware problem not a software problem...

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

Q: How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb? 💡

A: None. It's a hardware problem. 👩‍💻

How many HTTP requests does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

“...lightbulb is not responding.”

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, its a hardware problem 😂😂👌👌

The first AHA moment striked me when I was around 11 years old. This was the first time I ever been introduced into programming.

I've started playing around with visual basic on my own and aha moment striked when I realised I can make programs to solve math problems... But that was just a lightbulb....

The overall AHA moment happened when I had the knowledge to do so and actually started implementing text book solutions in the app and passing few values from tasks and... Results were great!

From that point I went on with programs as my math problem solver in most of my cases. This not only helped me to save time but actually writing the program helped me to get better at math.

How many project managers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just schedule a meeting to discuss the lighting strategy.

How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who gives a fuck the jokes been done before

So how many programmers it take to screw in a lightbulb?

- None

( Lightbulb is a class which got method screw(), so it can screw itself 😉 )

It works locally, it works in Dev, it works in Test, but fails to deploy in UAT. Is it a data issue? I don't know, I don't have permissions to see the UAT database. Literally all I know is that this API is returning 500 instead of what it's supposed to return, but only sometimes.

Guess I'll sit here all day and try to solve the problem telepathically as there is literally no way of troubleshooting other than scrolling through the code and hoping that a cartoon lightbulb appears above my head.

When your week has been so stressful... you just want to curl up in the corner and cry.

Murphy's law is taking me for a ride of a lifetime right now, and just when you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a lightbulb and another dead end.

F£~*{*}£{*\€|>\€\£~£¥\\*£,'%]#]}[#>\£|¥|+>]£\€£|€|!{¥]*$;&,!:@&;&939/);$$CK!!!!

Glad I could get that off my chest 😆

I work for an investment wank. Worked for a few. The classic setup - it's like something out of a museum, and they HATE engineers. You are only of value if work on the trade floor close to the money.

They treat software engineering like it's data entry. For the local roles they demand x number of years experience, but almost all roles are outsourced, and they take literally ANYONE the agency offers. Most of them can't even write a for loop. They don't know what recursion is.

If you put in a tech test, the agency cries to a PMO, who calls you a bully, and hires the clueless intern. An intern or two is great, if they have passion, but you don't want a whole department staffed by interns, especially ones who make clear they only took this job for the money. Literally takes 100 people to change a lightbulb. More meetings and bullshit than development.

The Head of Engineering worked with Cobol, can't write code, has no idea what anyone does, hates Agile, hates JIRA. Clueless, bitter, insecure dinosaur. In no position to know who to hire or what developers should be doing. Randomly deletes tickets and epics from JIRA in spite, then screams about deadlines.

Testing is the same in all 3 environments - Dev, SIT, and UAT. They have literally deployment instructions they run in all 3 - that is their "testing". The Head of Engineering doesn't believe test automation is possible.

They literally don't have architects. Literally no form of technical leadership whatsoever. Just screaming PMOs and lots of intern devs.

PMO full of lots of BAs refuses to use JIRA. Doesn't think it is its job to talk to the clients. Does nothing really except demands 2 hour phone calls every day which ALL developers and testers must attend to get shouted at. No screenshare. Just pure chaos. No system. Not Agile. Not Waterfall. Just spam the shit out of you, literally 2,000 emails a day, then scream if one task was missed.

Developers, PMO, everyone spends ALL day in Zoom. Zoom call after call. Almost no code is ever written. Whatever code is written is so bad. No design patterns. Hardcoded to death. Then when a new feature comes in that should take the day, it takes these unskilled devs 6 months, with PMO screaming like a banshee, demanding literally 12 hours days and weekends.

Everything on spreadsheets. Every JIRA ticket is copy pasted to Excel and emailed around, though Excel can do this.

The DevOps team doesn't know how to use Jenkins or GitHub.

You are not allowed to use NoSQL database because it is high risk.

StackOverflowException

How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's a hardware issue

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a hardware problem.

Dev badass moments: every time that lightbulb moment hits when building or debugging difficult things.

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

I loosely set aside Friday evening, Sunday and Monday for a rush job that was supposedly urgent. Monday I was sent the style-guide. It's mandatory to be written with bootstrap. Tuesday 10am, no copy, no images, no idea where the code will go or how it's context's global CSS will cascade over mine. Visual designer says the logo they provided me isn't crisp enough. How many grown adults does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 9?

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian

How many Alexanderr's does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll first cry and moan about getting banned from Matrix chat, then he'll create 150 alt accounts and spew racism, before he gets to changing the lightbulb.

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? A Brazilian

Spent 2 weeks of hardly coding a project to then figure out a nice data structure that fixed all my issues and difficulties. It was definitely a good day.