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Search - "poker face"
So my boss sent me a msg at 00:05 to update production.
And here I was at 7:30am reading it with a poker face thinking "no dude, my working hours are not like that, lol. Get a life."6
!rant but a story
This happened today. Sorry for long post. A manager from another team in development team, I'll call him junkfellow, called me very very late last night to help them solve an issue in our application's test environment that blocking them from doing testing. They apparently doing integration testing with our application. Now said test environment is not even prepared by our team. We are development team and this test environment prepared by our application's support team. So I politely told junkfellow to get in touch with our support team counterpart as I am from development team. And he began shout at me
junkfellow: "WHY DO YOU THINK I'M FUCKING CALL YOU? IT'S BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING REACH ANYONE FROM SUPPORT!"
me: "With due respects sir I have no instructions to assist you and your team in your testing"
junkfellow: "THEN WHAT GOOD ARE YOU? IF YOU DON"T GET ONLINE NOW I WILL FUCKING ESCALATE YOU TO CW!!!"
We all know who CW is and he can make some people life very hard and I didn't want to call my boss so late so I quickly went online and spent the next 4hrs supporting their testing. Next morning I told my boss what happened and he scolded me for not calling him last night. He dropped an email to junkfellow's boss about junkfellow being "unacceptable attitude, disrespectful and threatening to escalate my team mates". My boss always refer to us as team mates, not his staff or his team member.
Then in few minutes, someone walking like a school bully with his chest out came to my boss place and announced himself (he is junkfellow). I say announce because he talking like he wanted everyone to know who is he. My boss stood up promptly, greeted good morning, introduce himself, shook junkfellow hand and sat down. Still young, maybe in late 20's or even younger than me. junkfellow talking to my boss loud enough for most of us to hear. Everyone's neck suddenly long like meerkat and listening:
junkfellow looking down to my boss who is sitting down: "How dare you send email like that to my boss? We are both managers you should act like one, you have a problem with me then you talk to me. You don't bypass me and go directly to my boss. You didn't even give me face!"
my boss sitting down: "So you didn't even ask your boss before picking a fight."
*junkfellow suddenly look confused*
my boss still sitting down talking calm with poker face: "I did give you face. You think by going to your boss I bypassed you and went one level up? No I went one level down!"
junkfellow still look confused and then slowly realized what my boss meant. Now he is staring at floor and can't look my boss in eye after he realized he is screwed!
my boss now standing up: "You treat my team mates like that againi or ask them to do something without my knowledge and I will talk to your boss' boss about it"
boss to me: "Hey tollywood! junkfellow here sincerely regrets what he did last night and wants to apologize to you in person" and boss' poker face turned to his familiar smirk
junkfellow immediately came to me, said "it's ok you no need to stand up", he sat down in a squat and apologized repeatedly. He really looked like he was about to cry and for a moment I pity him. But then I remember what he did and I just enjoyed the moment! Was pure gold :D :D :D13
current stage of development at work
anger and rejection at first but now ends up at acceptance and sarcasm4
Story time. My first story ever on devRant.
To my ex-company that I bear for a long time... I joined my ex-company 3 years ago. My ex-company assigned me and one girl teammate to start working on a brand new big web project (big one - two members - really?)
My teammate quitted later, I have to work alone after then. I asked if someone can join this project, but manager said other people are busy. Yea, they are fucking busy reading MANGA shit everyday... Oops, I saw it because whenever I about to leave my damn chair, they begin chanting some hotkey magic and begin doing "poker face" like "I'm doing some serious shit right here".. FUCK MY CO-WORKERS!
My manager didn't know shit about software development, and keep barking about Agile, Waterfall and AI shit... He didn't even fucking know what this project should look like, he keep searching the internet for similar functions and gave me screenshots, or sometimes they even hold a meeting of a bunch of random non-related guys who even not working on the project, to discuss about requirements, which last for endless hours... FUCK MY MANAGER!
I was the one in charge for everything. I design the architecture, database, then I fucking implement my own designed architect myself, and I fucking test functions that I fucking implemented myself based on my fucking design. I was so tried, I don't know what the fuck I am working on. Requirement changes everyday. My beautiful architecture began to falling off. I was so tired and began use hack fixes here and there many places in the project. I knew it's bad, but I just don't have time to carefully reconsider it. My test case began becoming useless as requirements changed. My manager's boss push him to finish this project. He began to test, he start complaining about bug here and there, blaming me about why functions are broken, and why it not work as he expected (which he didn't even tell my how he expected). ... I'm not junior developer, but this one-man project is so overwhelmed for me... FUCK MY JOB!
At this time, I have already work this project for almost 2.5 years. I felt very upset. I also feel disappointed about myself, although I know that is not all my entire faults. The feeling that you was given a job, but you can not get it done, I feel like a fucking LOSER. I really wanted to quit and run away from this shithole. But on the other hand I also want to finish this project before I quit. My mind mixed. I'm a hard-worker. I keep pushing myself, but the workplace is so toxic, I can feel it eating up my motivation everyday. I start questioning myself: "Is the job I am doing important?", "If this is really important project, didn't they should assign more members?", I feel so lonely at work... MY MIND IS FUCKED UP!
Finally, after a couple months of stress. I made up my mind that no way this project is gonna end within my lifespan. I decide to quit. Although my contract pointed that I only need to tell one month in advance. I gave my manager 3 months to find new members for project. I did handle over what I know, documents, and my fucked up ultra complexity source code with many small sub-systems which I did all by myself.
Well, I am with a new employer right now. They are good company. At least, my new manager do know how to manage things. My co-workers are energy and hard-working. I am put to fight on the frontline as usual (because of my "Senior position"). But I can feel my team, they got my back. My loneliness is now gone. Job is still hard, but I know for sure that I'm doing things on purpose, I am doing something useful. And to me that is the greatest rewards and keep me motivative! From now, will be the beginning for first page of my new story...
Thanks for reading ...12
I was interviewed for a gaming studio, when I showed them my hobby projects for play testing we encountered a bug, convinced them it was feature and put on my best poker face.
Boy was I shocked when I got hired.7
Just happened at my internship:
Guy: hey could you come over here for a sec and look at this problem?
me: Sure! *walks to table*
guy: the FTP server isn't working. I added config files etc but nothing!!
me: *does some terminal stuff*
me: uhm.... the ftp server isn't installed......
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *poker face*
guy: *plz don't tell anyone face*
guy: could you pls install? *desperate look*2
PM: We really need to solve this problem fast...
Me: So you want me to solve the element width or to reimplement the template?
PM: Yes! (and leaves before I can say anything)
Me: *poker face*4
Management eats shit for breakfast
I am the sole Dev on a project.
Stack: Postgresql, redis, nginx,Java with Spring Boot, Neo4j.
I am the only one nearly familiar with : Redis, Neo4j and anything Java.
I'm gonna be on vacation for the next 15 days since they have told me that we where gonna be on a "testing/feedback" period.
My vacation was approved.
Today's meeting: we have a URGENT deadline to meet some criteria that might be the difference between have further investment or not.
Urgent deadline: last day of my vacation.
My face: poker
My thoughts: attached image4
*me calling ISP*
ISP: hello, how may i help you?
Me: got no connection... you guys maintaining something again from your side?
*30 minutes later*
ISP: we'll check the problem from our end and email u wgat we find
Me (poker face): bit i have no internet :|9
Dev(null networking knowledge): -"i've already deployed the web but it isn't up."
Boss(strong networking skills): Found port 80 blocked.
-Option A: open port 80.
-Option B: disable firewall.
Choose option B.
keep staring at the screen with a poker face.
I WILL CHOP YOUR FINGER OFF IF YOU DARE TOUCH THE SCREEN AGAIN.5
When you're newly assigned to one of the most FUCKED UP team in the department and your manager said that ALL LEAVE REQUESTS from your team are AUTOMATIC DISAPPROVED for March until i see significant progress, hayyyy...poker face. I really don't know what to feel right know.7
Once you realize your server is hacked, just disconnect the ssh and forget about it. It is known as Schrodinger defense.
The server will be both okay and fucked at the same time until someone get back into the server.1
Some old couple screaming I was a liar and a thief because I told them their HDD needed to be exchanged because I wasn't able to install any OS on it... It kept failing on every CD / pen drive I used but it worked with the other store... I left them screaming alone outside the store after telling them to have a good day with a poker face...5
Today is the real fuckening at work. The worst part is, you are working your ass off and someone started bugging you constantly on chat and blaming it is effecting his "productivity" because tech team doesn't solve his problem.
I have 4 projects under me with doing day to day operations also. But yeah just few more months before I left this shit. I wanted to shout back, but tried to keep my head cool, though I have already kicked his face many times in my mind.
If you cannot help, at least stop being a dick and appreciate someone trying his best to solve problems.4
Grr the feeling when one of your interviewers has a hard-on for trying to find ways to sink your boat.
Went to a job interview yesterday during my lunch break for a mid level dev job in central London , i have been trying to transition from a junior role.
First were two senior devs , that went quiet well...
Next up was the tech lead and a team lead, lets call the latter Mc-douche for some problem
The tech lead was fine, very relaxed and clam guy more interested in seeing the logic of my answers and questions as to why i did certain things in this or that manner....
Mc-douche, he would always try to find something wrong then smile smugly and do that sideways head waggle thing
His tech lead is like " yup that's correct"
But he would be like " yeeess but you didn't think about bla bla bla" then talk about shit not even present in the context of the question
Ah also he would ask a question then cut me off as soon as I begin to say that i didnt mention or take into account x or y even though literally my next sentence is about address those details he wanted.
let me fucking finish you dickbag 😡
Had a js question, simple stuff about dom manipulation, told not to bother with code... yet McD starts asking me to write the code for it....managed it , quite easy stuff
Then a sql and db test , again technlead was happy with the answers and the logic am approaching the question when writing my query, yet mc d Is bitching about SQL syntax....
Ok fine, i made a simple mistake, I forgot and used WHERE instead of HAVING in a group by but really?! Thats his focus ?!
Most devs I know look up syntax to do stuff , they focus on their logic first the do the impl.
Then a general question on some math and how i would code to impl a solution on paper
That was a 20 mins one, the question said they didn't expect me to finish it totally so
I approached it like an exam question.
I focussed on my general flow of my process, listing out each step.
Then elaborated each step with pseudo code showing my logic for each of the key steps.
Then went deeper and started on some of the classes and methods , was about to finish before it was time up.
Mc douch went through my solution
And grudgingly admitted my logic was "robust enough" it was like he really had to yank that deep out of his colon.
I didn't really respond to any of his rudeness throughout the whole interview,i either smiled politely or put on a keen looking poker face.
Really felt awful the rest of the day, skipped the gym and went home after work, really sucks to have a hostile interviewer.
Pretty sure i wont be hearing anything good from them even though the three other interviewers were happy with me I felt.4
TL;DR: a dude thinks good graphics make a game good.
so every day when the school ends, me, a dude and another girl walk home. as expected we have lots of time to talk about anything. I wanted that day to tell that dude about what I am going to buy on steam summer sales with just 15$.
me: I am going for this summer to play lots of games so I saved some money for this summer sale. do you want to hear what awesome games I am about to buy with just 15$?
dude: yeah, sure thing.
he wasn't expecting much
M: this summer I am going to buy 5 games and maybe keep more for some others. they are so awesome!
D: ok, let's hear those 'awesome' games!
M: the first game is devil daggers, maybe you don't kno...
D: of course I do. is that game
M: I want to get that game just to improve my aim, but maybe I will have some fun.
D: yeah yeah, I know that game
M: *poker face*
I KNEW he doesn't know this game and anything about pc games because of the followings...
M: ok then... I also want to get Half-Life 2 : Episode 1 & 2. they have pretty rich story and I already have both Half-Lives.
D: holy shit but the graphics... ok, one more 'awesome' game of yours.
M: there are 2 episodes, 2 separate games. I really don't care about the graphics, I love the story.
D: continue with your 'awesom' games...
that dude didn't even knew about half-life and said that game is bad.
M: another game I want to get is Battlefront 2, the one from 2005 and...
M: yeah, the new one sucks, and the gameplay in the original is way better and...
D: *starts laughing* 2005!? I thought you were getting the new one. I imagine the graphics being like this car. *points to a fucking car, yeah that kind of comparasion, I know*
after this I was so fucking pissed off. he doesn't even know about some cult classics that are meant to be played. he doesn't even have a pc nor console and he is stating his opinion on fine air for fucks sake!
M: ok, what about getting the facts and then make an opinon.
D: yeah yeah *making fun of me at that point*
I didn't tell him that I wanted to buy the binding of isaac, cause it was enough for me. I told him to watch some reviews on these games and blog posts about them and I am sure tomorrow he will say that he 'wathced' the reviews and that those games are garbage. it's his style to underestimate things. I fucking hate him, not becuase of the games, but because he underestimates everything that is not on his list of 'good games'. that list consists of new games with great graphics(3D only).
sorry if I exaggerate saying that those games are cult classics but I really look forward into buying them.
if you have another indie game to run on this potato machine(2gb ram, pentium dual-core 2.1ghz, gtx 525m) that I should or at least try comment, I am open to suggestions!11
Your code is supposed to solve the primary problem you have. It is not supposed to create problems and solve those problems you do not have initially.5
Me talking with my manager for handover before I leave. Just found out, there is an interview for my position, full stack dev.
No one bother asking me or the manager for tech interview and general manager from business interview alone by herself.
Manager: Do you code?
Poor soul: Yes, I do.
Manager: You are hired!
Shit, now I want to know what they ask to tech candidate without tech ppl.6
We have an e-commerce platform. One guy uploaded a blurry product image later he created a ticket on Jira that the image is too blurry at the storefront and asked if we can do something about it.6
Our company is cheap, cheap as fuck. We have to use some third-party platforms and every year they choose something that is slightly cheaper than the other. (like a few $ per annual), they do not know that we have to refactor our code at the backend because the changes of the platform.
It doesn't end there, they even look for devs from third world countries to work for them remotely instead of hiring permanent staff (I understand it is cheaper because of currency difference and etc), but what about the training period or to let them become comfortable with the existing system, even when he/she is a genius... it takes time to be productive at work.
The worst part is they dont give a shit, they think devs can be replaced easily just like some construction workers carrying stuffs on site (no offence to them), management treating people like shit and doesn't care when they leave.2
project launched and everything is going smoothly so far. since I have some time, I started writing documentation and I put this at the start of the document.4
Today on incompetent profs & classmates...
Dumb student forgets to exit vim and rewrites program 3 times before calling d prof
I ask the prof for approval to use an IDE or a text editor in lab and she has no clue what an IDE is. I installed atom just as she left.
Another kid fooled into thinking web dev has no future.
Apparently I can't use laptop in class to execute programs as "other students may be at loss" i mean wtf that's their fkin problem why do I have to suffer.
Student questions unix prof about the file size limitation in fat32. She had a poker face.
Prof gives "hello world" program to sophomores. Nice.14
We have Jira to keep track of bugs and allow users to inform issue with our in-house software. One fucker created ticket, "Hi Guys, I cannot sign-in to Skype business". He even put the screenshot.
What the fuck he expected us to do. Everyday have to deal with low mentality peasants.4
I was cleaning up dangling images in docker, and I accidentally removed the production database container as well.
Its not a big issue, I can just up the container back and everything should be fine. But after I up the container and connected to the database, I found out there's no data inside. I thought I fucked up, and sent msg in slack channel that I nuked the db.
Later my friend asked me which compose file I am using and that's when I realized I used the wrong config to up the db. Used the correct config to up the database again and everything goes back to normal.
It's friday evening and if I really dropped the db it would be fucking bad weekend....3
How do you judge the ability of the candidates during the interview?
Sometimes I find it hard to score their ability. I have seen some candidates with x years on paper yet does not know git more than push and pull.
Also there are few who didnt do very well at the interview, however we hired and doing quite well at work.
(As I also had a hard time getting a job before, I sometimes feel bad to reject some who seems to have good personality but didnt do well at work)6
Saw new issue on jira. When look, they are like my computer is slow or I cannot any buttons in Excel.
For fuck sake, don't send stupid tickets, we already got stupid projects the company took from the others without consulting to the IT team.
There are about 600 tickets every month and most of them are issue because of their stupidity not the software (they never read the error message). And no we are not IT support, go ask those ppl for your computer issue.1
Made an Aprils Fool joke to my boss, at 1 am on April 1st when we were working late. I planned to freak him out by saying I would quit.
- "There's something I have to talk to you about and I know it's a day late..."
(He understood by then it was a resignation at this point, he looked very sad and interrupted me.)
- "If it's just about money, I'm sure we can figure it out..."
(I felt so bad, I just wanted to prank him. So I told him I just April Fooled him, Winther taking it any further.)
A few moments later we had laughed about it, and I thought to myself: "Did he really wanna give me a huge raise? God damn it, I should have kept a poker face!!!" 😣🔫3
Recently I made a telegram bot to get latest news and discussions from reddit about coronavirus.
Also it can give the number of cases and deaths in infected countries.
How do you counter DOS attack? I have one online service where an idiot just calls curl command to one endpoint.
Although my service is working and server performance is not affected, I found it annoying.
Cloudflare could be a solution, the reason I did not use before is user might have to wait a few seconds before seeing the app, but if no choice then.17
Got into this compitition of Blind Code
Idea crazy a F!!!!
Mind prepared for something challengy! What I get? Greatest of 3 Nos in C... Poker Face😐
Confident a hell..With the monitor OFF, Ran down the keyboard on fire!
With the compilation result, BANG!
#include<iostream> instead of <stdio>.
My Mind BLINDED!8
When you feels like you are dealing with assholes everyday, it is better to look in the mirror and see if you were the asshole that whole time.
Why use git, do it simple, send me your changes by email and I will merge it.
Why split split source code (js) into different files, use one so we will no have trouble about load order.
Use the same user account for github/gitlab/bitbucket/etc. So we will no worry to setup access permisions.
Use Dropbox/Drive for version control.
We will test the whole system until the end when all is finish.3
Code on own side project the whole night without sleeping til 6-7am right before going to work because today is half day only in office.
I thought I could manage it but haha totally wrong, First 2 hours were good, during last 2 hours I was trying my best not to fell asleep.
Worst decision ever.2
This one was from my Tech Lead, She had to update phone number of a customer in Database on production server. And guess what she forgot 'WHERE'. Next we were facing each other with poker face. :|
p.s: fortunately we had backup of just 4 hours back. Still we lost data of about 100 people.4
Project with partner company, during the meeting I asked them how can we secure the communication between two services. I suggested api keys, tokens. They were like nope, no need. But I asked them for their IPs to do whitelisting on our side in Nginx.
But their side, nah not even whitelisting, no tokens, no validations. If one has address, can send anything from anywhere.
How hard would it be to do at least, AT LEAST simple token validation. And they are using the very old IIS server. I think for them as long as data flows in as expected, it is fine.3
Spent most of my time studying algorithms, data structures and other theoretical stuffs in college. But tried to do some web development with heavy frontend for course projects and for fun (beautify my cv as well)
Interviewers: wow, you'r experience quite focused on frontend and graphics
Me: (poker face…)2
Unpopular Opinion but
sometimes I feel that the pay should be based on how much you contributed to the project not by the titles or your highest education level.
So no fucks given if you are master degree holder or 4yr experience. If you did more work this month, your pay will be higher. If you wasted your whole month browsing reddit your pay will be lower.10
I wad looking for a kind of 'internship', i'm an 18y/o high school self-taught programmer, and applied for a job at a small company in my town, with a mention: "I don't wanna be paid, I want just to evolve my skills, by gaining experience". When they called me, the HR girl told me exactly this: "If you can gain 2 years of experience until next month, we will hire you". My face expression changed to a poker one and I asked "How am I supposed to spend 2 years in 2 weeks?" and she responded: "I don't know, I told you what they told me to tell you"... Anyone else who got into a situation like this? How is this even possible?8
I built an api to sync data between two systems. It is simple, if I have new data to send, I call their api with data. If success, get Json response back or error if not.
Today the guy from other side asked me for "acknowledgement" endpoint. I was literally WTF?
He explained me very clear, when I call their api, it can be either success or fail, so for those success or fail, he will send the response to my "ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ENDPOINT" to tell me if success or not.
Maintaining a good mood, listening to Avicii and electro house music the whole time at work.
It works so far, no more Kendrick Lamar or NF.
Working with people who believe pushed to production = we are done with this project..... and let's move to another right away.2
Any of you started thinking about second income? I started learning business on my free time, like forex, government bonds and investment.
What you are ways for second income? Lately, I started thinking about being financially independent3
Wrote little experience in Android Studio which i learned from youtube tutorial and didn't create any apps before, boss ask for assist in creating Android apps