That's suspicious 😶

I tried out Perl this year, really loved it. No one wanted to do a project with me in Perl though, so I moved on. Now I am doing my projects in javascript. I can't help but think that there is something very wrong with me for liking just the languages everyone hates with a passion. 🙃

The bugs have learned to hide

User:"It's not working"
Me:"Have you turned it off and on again?"
User:"Yes"
Me: goes down there, system uptime is 360days...
"How do you turn it off?"
User:"by pressing the button on the monitor

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

What IDE do you guys use for Java coding and why? :D

Thank you Messenger for being so helpful, fucktard

Being a web developer somedays makes me feel like:

Wow! Look at that super awesome thing these guys coded, and I'm just sitting here aligning divs and changing font colors.

Motivation level 1000.

I only just noticed this is on the git man page :P

Rant::post

Cute girl: what do you do for work?
Me: I'm a programmer
Cute girl: Meaning?
Me: that I spend all my day seated in front of a computer doing computer programs
She: (waits 20s) hmm, so i forgot my Facebook pass...
Me: go to hell (leaves)

Customer: The pages x and y are not displayed in the menu of my website.

Me: I've added another menu level. This level wasn't planned. Your pages will now be displayed.

Customer: Do you think I have too much menu levels?

Me (what I want to say): YES. You have too much of EVERYTHING! Too much menu levels, too much useless pages, too much bad formatting, too much different font colors in one fucking sentence! Your website is crap at all.

Me (what I said): No, it's okay.

I hate customers.

I'm becoming a ROBOT!! D:
I think i should quit programming

I think server down time is because of rain 🌧

Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

It changed my life, really. 😁

What my sister thinks when she got to know that i am a backend developer

Website design philosophies:

Apple: "...and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and a really big picture there, and..."

Microsoft: "border-radius:0 !important;"

Google: "EVERYTHING MOVES!!! And most websites get material design. Most."

Amazon: "We're slowly moving away from 2009"

Wix: "How can we further increase load times?"

Literally any download site: "Click here! No, click here! Nononono!! Click here!!..."

Facebook: "We can't change anything because our main age demographic is around 55"

University websites: "That information isn't hard enough to find yet. Decrease the search accuracy and increase broken links."

Sleep schedule : fucked 😮
Eating schedule : fucked 😓
Me : not getting fucked 😭

[Microsoft documentation]

* click here to know more about ShitException *click it*

* discover the new Surface Pro, click for purchase..

what the shit !!

Meanwhile, someone had a plan.

Wish me luck, guys.

I'm launching Eclipse IDE while having a Chrome window open.

May the Gods of RAM be with me !

We had a meeting whose agenda was to plan another meeting.

I recently got a folded piece of paper from a young lady. I asked her if we want to meet again, but she only said "Open the folded piece of paper at home. ". At home i opened the fpop and it said "015772549658 <3".

Dammit i knew that she didnt want to meet again.

Apparently this little music player has no transmitter, receiver, microphone nor camera, pity on you NSA!

Windows obviously did a secret selective poll on what percentage of their users use dates and times.
:#

When you want to enjoy the spring sun but your laptop screen is to dark.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to Desktop and create anew folder

2. Name the folder Internet Explorer

3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer

4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Comment your ideas...

You know you are a senior developer when you go to stackoverflow with only goal to answer questions.

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.