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Fuck the memes.
Fuck the framework battles.
Fuck the language battles.
Fuck the titles.
Anybody who has been in this field long enough knows that it doesn't matter if your linus fucking torvalds, there is no human who has lived or ever will live that simultaneously understands, knows, and remembers how to implement, in multiple languages, the following:
- jest mocks for complex React components (partial mocks, full mocks, no mocks at all!)
- token cancellation for asynchronous Tasks in C#
- fullstack CRUD, REST, and websocket communication (throw in gRPC for bonus points)
- database query optimization, seeding, and design
- nginx routing, https redirection
- build automation with full test coverage and environment consideration
- docker container versioning, restoration, and cleanup
- internationalization on both the front AND backends
- secret storage, security audits
- package management, maintenence, and deprecation reviews
- integrating with dozens of APIs
- fucking how to center a div
and that's a _comically_ incomplete list; barely scratches the surface of the full range of what a dev can encounter in a given day of writing software
have many of us probably done one or even all of these at different times? surely.
but does that mean we are supposed to draw that up at a moment's notice some cookie-cutter solution like a fucking robot and spit out an answer on a fax sheet?
recruiters, if you read this site (perhaps only the good ones do anyway so its wasted oxygen), just know that whoever you hire its literally the luck of the draw of how well they perform during the interview. sure, perhaps some perform better, but you can never know how good someone is until they literally start working at your org, so... have fun with that.
Oh and I almost forgot, again for you recruiters, on top of that list which you probably won't ever understand for the entirety of your lives, you can also add writing documentation, backup scripts, and orchestrating / administrating fucking JIRA or actually any somewhat technical dashboard like a CMS or website, because once again, the devs are the only truly competent ones - and i don't even mean in a technical sense, i mean in a HUMAN sense of GETTING SHIT DONE IN GENERAL.
There's literally 2 types of people in the world: those who sit around drawing flow charts and talking on the phone all day, and those WHO LITERALLY FUCKING BUILD THE WORLD
why don't i just run the whole fucking company at this point? you guys are "celebrating" that you made literally $5 dollars from a single customer and i'm just sitting here coding 12 hours a day like all is fine and well
i'm so ANGRY its always the same no matter where i go, non-technical people have just no clue, even when you implore them how long things take, they just nod and smile and say "we'll do it the MVP way". sure, fine, you can do that like 2 or 3 times, but not for 6 fucking months until you have a stack of "MVPs" that come toppling down like the garbage they are.
How do expect to keep the "momentum" of your customers and sales (I hope you can hear the hatred of each of these market words as I type them) if the entire system is glued together with ducktape because YOU wanted to expedite the feature by doing it the EASY way instead of the RIGHT way. god, just forget it, nobody is going to listen anyway, its like the 5th time a row in my life
we NEED tests!
we NEED to know our code coverage!
we NEED to design our system to handle large amounts of traffic!
we NEED detailed logging!
we NEED to start building an exception database!
BILBO BAGGINS! I'm not trying to hurt you! I'm trying to help you!
Don't really know what this rant was, I'm just raging and all over the place at the universe. I'm going to bed.20
"Hey, Root, someone screwed up and now all of our prod servers are running this useless query constantly. I know I already changed your priorities six times in the past three weeks, but: Go fix it! This is higher priority! We already took some guesses at how and supplied the necessary code changes in the ticket, so this shouldn't take you long. Remember, HIGH PRIORITY!"
1. I have no idea how to reproduce it.
2. They have no idea how to reproduce it.
3. The server log doesn't include queries.
4. The application log doesn't include queries.
5. The tooling intercepts and strips out some log entries the legendary devs considered useless. (Tangent: It also now requires a tool to read the logs because log entries are now long json blobs instead of plain text.)
6. The codebase uses different loggers like everywhere, uses a custom logger by default, and often overwrites that custom logger with the default logger some levels in. gg
7. The fixes shown in the ticket are pretty lame. (I've fixed these already, and added one they missed.)
8. I'm sick and tired and burned out and just can't bring myself to care. I'm only doing this so i don't get fired.
9. Why not have the person who screwed this up fix it? Did they quit? I mean, I wouldn't blame them.
Why must everything this company does be so infuriatingly complicated?11
I’m surrounded by idiots.
I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.
Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!
While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.
To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.
This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.
It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.
This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.
The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.
What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.
No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.
It’s one-on-one time yet again this week!
I have a 1:1 with my boss every Thursday from 11:30am to 12:00 noon. They often run 45 minutes instead of the planned 30.
Why do I have these? I complained that I have too many meetings, and that it’s hard to get my work done around them (especially while burned out). So as a remedy he scheduled a weekly meeting, every Thursday, so he can make sure I’m getting enough work done. Totally makes sense, right?
And every Thursday he’s 15-25 minutes late. And because they always run long, I lose a full hour or more of time I could have used to get my work done. See the problem?
Today he was 36 minutes late.
Seriously, how disrespectful can he be?25
Hey @Root! I know you won't have time to finish Ticket A before holiday vacation, so work on Ticket B instead.
I finished Ticket A in time. except for converting/fixing some horrible spaghetti monstrosity. More or less: "we overwrote this gem's middleware and now it calls back into our codebase under specific circumstances, and then calls the gem again, which calls the middleware again." Wtf? It's an atrocity against rationality.
The second day after vacation:
Hey @Root, drop Ticket B and work on Ticket C instead. Can you knock this out quick, like before friday? ... Uh, sure. It looks easy.
And in somewhere between 13 (now 5) minutes and two hours from now, I'm going to have a 1:1 with my boss to discuss the week. Having finished almost all of Ticket A won't matter because it's not a "recent priority" -- despite it being a priority before, and a lot of work. I've made no progress on Ticket B due to interruptions (and a total and complete lack of caring because I'm burned out and quite literally can no longer care), and no progress on ticket C because... it's all horribly broken and therefore not quick. I assigned it to Mr. Frontend, which I'll probably get chewed out for.
So, my 1:1 with bossmang today is going to be awful. And the worst part of all: I'm out of rum! Which means sobriety in the face of adversity! :<
but like, wtf. Just give me a ticket and let me work on it until it's done. Stop changing the damn priorities every other freaking day!17
I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.
I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!
Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.9
Up for a rollercoaster?
I had a super motivated day where i could focus and wanted to get my work done. My stupid work lappy instead kept throwing tantrums and totally prevented me from working. (Everything caused disk thrashing, took multiple minutes instead of seconds, etc.) Total shit day, but I felt great.
Next morning, I woke up all achy and cold. Ignored it and went to work. I was able to fix everything, and got my benchmarks running smoothly in all of fifteen minutes. Got good results, too! Left work and got married at the courthouse. :)
Went to a restaurant afterward, and two jolly fat guys (Off-duty Santa?!) bought us lunch.
Got home and… started feeling really awful. A little while later, I had a 102*f fever. Collapsed on the floor with an electric blanket and was absolutely miserable. Just kind of stared for hours, aching everywhere. Eventually went to bed, and my wife (!) made me all warm and comfy. And then I proceeded to be completely unable to sleep. Or move. Or think. Laid there for four hours unable to move, and shaking violently at any touch of cold air.
Now it’s 1am and I’m here at the freezing kitchen table writing this.
I am miserable.
But still happy, too!
So the new robot (Dingo) arrived yesterday. Today I did the unboxing, and damn was it disappointing. I realized the university purchased it not from the company I recommended, and they messed up the delivery.
The robot controller was missing, and the charging cable did not match the charging station input. Like dude, you had one job!
Since the lady in administration decided to disregard my recommendation and order from a random shop, she might as well assemble the robot herself....15
Paycom is utter dogshit.
Clunky, error prone, junior mistakes on every page, and filled to the brim with HR doublespeak and legalese.
A roving gang of quadriplegic interns could do a better job if the requirements were written in cuneiform and they were paid, up front, in cocaine and whiskey.14
While writing up this quarter's performance review, I re-read last quarter's goals, and found one my boss edited and added a minimum to: "Release more features that customers want and enjoy using, prioritized by product; minimum 4 product feature/bug tickets this quarter."
... they then proceeded to give me, not four+ product tickets, but: three security tickets (two of which are big projects), a frontend ticket that should have been assigned to the designer, and a slow query performance ticket -- on top of my existing security tickets from Q3.
How the fuck was I supposed to meet this requirement if I wasn't given any product tickets? What, finish the monster tickets in a week instead of a month or more each and beg for new product tickets from the product manager who refuses to even talk to me?
Fuck these people, seriously.8
Hey. I have some steam keys I don't want, and I don't really have any friends to give them away to, so. Here you go!
I'll post them in the comments below.
Only redeem them if you actually want the game, and if you've used one please comment or upvote to let others know! Be kind, don't be greedy, honor system, etc. etc.27
Imagine naïvely treating your ONLY full-time employee like a robot that simply accomplishes tasks for you on a whim without even waiting for or even acknowledging their feedback (when that feedback has +10 years of experience of product development over you).
I wonder what it's like to operate at so idiotic a level on a day to day basis.
I don't care if you have all the fucking "vision" in the world, I'm actively searching for new positions, especially the ones that pay me double or triple what I'm earning now. I'm outta here, pronto tonto
Yeah, you founded a fucking company, been there, done that, 2 times even. just shut up6
I got the booster shot yesterday but I'm pretty sure they injected me some psychoactive drug. I had the weirdest dreams - I was have in-depth arguments with my post-doc about complexity and deep learning, and I came up with 3 different directions for my research. Also my mom was singing Despacito in the background.
My arm is dead and I can't even connect cables on my beloved robot :(7
Interesting. A few hours ago I had a nice domestic conversation with my coleague about robot vacuum cleaners. He was talking about iRobot Roomba and I was talking about Xiaomi. Here's the result!
Interesting thing is that we talked in a *voice* conversation. Over Slack. Over Chrome. Over corporate VPN (openconnect).
Where's the spying link? Slack or Chrome?
My bet's on Chrome.
What does that tell you about the privacy of your sensitive conversations? :)
Hide behind VPNs all you like. If you have proprietary software (or hardware in the case of Huawei) - you're being watched and listened to.
EDIT: I'm on Linux, he's on MacOS9
So, as I'm currently cut off from the world of tech, my anxiety in regards to research has settled and I actually enjoy doing it again on my terms. It just makes me jealous to look at all these people developing cool stuff and wanting to get in on the project and maybe improve a part or two, particularly the robot kind. I want to slap some neural nets on majority of the robotic shit I see, or optimize them, or do something to make them more robust... But I don't have a research position right now where I can spend time and money doing that. So I just sit in front of my laptop and sulk.
... And literally this is why we can't have nice things. Cuz I'm not hired to make nice things. Literally.2
You may be familiar with work philosophy known as "they pretend to pay us, we pretend to work."
Or a favorite of mine "in this together" and passove aggressive work place signs about safety, inbetween being told to operate machines that have faulty safety mechanisms and almost took a guys forearm off last week, when the machine was supposed to be locked out.
Also dont let them blather on about being a "family", or any of the worse horseshit they spew.
I knew a women who would take those "hang in their" and other inspirational posters and burn cigarette holes in the eyes.
I didn't understand what her motive was then but now I know she was a revolultionary, a visionary even.
It's all lies. It's all "Human resources" department brand managament by neurotic executives and glorified coffee secretaries with 100k student debts for degrees in "humanities"--while lacking any humanity themselves, let alone brains or a soul.
And in between an army of overpaid middle and district managers, checking for the fifth time that day, if you have finished that tps report, or that ONE task you just started or finished. As if a little internal robot timer has told them, not that a task needs managed, but that the task, having been started and done, awaits their preternatural ability to know, and arrive 'just so', and justify (barely) the continued existence of their mediocre job and their mediocre lives.
And out of the woodwork of generations, like a horde of oblivious fuckwit melonheads, comes a tidal wave of these brush-mustached fucks, speaking in aphorisms and happy turns of phrase, while people increasingly dont show up to work be cause inflation has all but destroyed the future so many saved and worked for.
And the shelves gradually empty.
And the wheels grind slowly to a halt.
Because we will not accept the bullshit anymore about being in it together.
Not when a floor guy makes 15k a year, and a district manager makes 120k.
Raise your wages, or say good by.
We were never in this together.4
Why do I prefer robots to humans, you ask? I'd love to tell you.
If I tell a robot that I want my room vacuumed, they wouldn't purposefully mess up the room instead. It understands a small set of instructions.
But if I tell a human, a friend for example, that I have abandonment issues, you best believe they will go ahead and abandon me exactly when I need them.
Or if I tell a human, a potential fwb for example, that I can't take emotional stuff, you best believe that they will do a 180 and become the most romantic person ever.
And that, is why I prefer robots. Now, one of you go ahead and make an intelligent robot that I could date. I'm literally done with people.12
Egad! An actual rant is revealed!
Lamers who insist that informal or oversimplified stuff be written are damn annoying.
God forbid the appropriate use of a four-syllable word.
In what world is "uncanny" a strange word?
Is "blessed are the authors of good documentation" such a difficult sentence? Call the linguist; this shit can only be interpreted by an expert!
"U WRITE LIEK A ROBOT!!!!!!!!!"
Piss off, trog. Some men like succinctness and just wish to communicate without a great deal of ambiguity. A bit of clunkiness is preferable to a bit of ambiguity.
Pants are apparently shat when proper sentences are encountered.
If writing coherently and correctly implies being pretentious, then the world is beyond repair.
Also annoying are lamers who insist on wasting other men's time by asking questions which are perfectly suited for search engines.
Reaching through the monitor and beating the crap out of people sometimes seems a bit tempting. But doing such a thing is infeasible... and would probably result in felony charges if such a thing were feasible.13
Hey guys... Broke up with my girlfriend that I spend 1.3 years with her and all I think about is "I have to come back to work in order to forget this sadness and depression " ... Sometimes I feel that programming is making me feel like a robot with cold to no feelings25
Click, click, click, click.
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
Swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe,.
Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll.
I’m tired of living on popularity driven planet among animals, where number of clicks on likes, subscriptions and links are worth more than iq, education and experience.
Let’s face it - AI is showing us traffic driven recommendations that sucks. If you’re hooked up to social network and can’t disconnect from it you’re half way to matrix. You probably also disagree with me cause you’re serotonin junkie. You can’t stop like you can’t stop eating for a day. Bubble have you in your hands and whatever you do you probably won’t wake up. To be honest most of us won’t. It’s already to late.
I’m waiting for meta so they can put you in virtual world where you can have what you want and at the same time own nothing. They will put you in some small empty space and give you something to eat how many times you want so you can feel safe and click, tap, swipe, scroll more so they can own this planet.
You will be living only to deliver corporate metadata and you will be happy, cause they will make you happy with giving you emotions that you want to feel at exact moment.
If you get out, you won’t be able to interact cause you won’t know how to behave, you will become wild animal.
By going out you will break the law, cause outside world will be long gone. To move to bar or visit family you will travel with autonomous vehicle that have screens instead of windows.
Eventually you stop going to bar cause it’s unhealthy, you stop going outside cause there’s deadly virus and you can die.
They will take you last thing later with birth control so you can have baby whenever you want and with who you want as long as both parties agree by signing baby nft contract, you don’t have to take care of your baby and be pregnant cause it will be robotized, you will see your baby in meta. You will think you feel it using robot hands.
You will never meet your baby in person.
That’s how matrix will start. We’re half way.6