This is how I feel most of my client proposal start:

* It's simple, I'd like to re-invent <the wheel>.

* All I want to do is use <rocketship engine> on <old typewriter>.

* I'm too cheap to hire a full-time < DBA, DevOps engineer, development team>. Can I pay you pennies?

* I'm poor and broke, can you do this for free?

* I'd like to <commit illegal act> and be <legal compliant standard>.

* I heard it was possible to <fly 30 people to the moon> using <Ford Model-T>. Please do this for us.

* I <sold my house>, but now <I'm locked out by the new owners>. Please help.

Nothing destroys work flow like management idiots deciding on features and design that they just pulled out of their asses.

Dumbest arrow key design ever.

Nooo...

Finally, the time has come!!!!

There is only one important rule to live by:

Never lend anyone your 256 GB USB-C/USB-B combo memory stick. There is a 100% scientifically-backed certainty that you will never, in your meager existence, see it again.

Reasons to dislike our work VPN when working remotely: Forces all traffic to be routed through it, not only the important internal stuff.

For some reason, I just dislike having everything I do potentially recorded and/or at least slowed down.

Guess I'mma go fuck myself :)

super fast "hello world".

Found this somewhere and started crying

I got a PGP-encrypted email today, from my wife.
I am so proud

Types of Bug Fixing 🤣🤣

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

Reading open source projects made me doubt my skills but also was the cause of improving them :')

"The website must be fully compatible with Internet Explorer"
Yeah well that's too fucking bad

Upgrade! :D

the result was unexpected

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

The day I named a variable "new" and stuck there for hours trying to find what's wrong.

Did you say security?

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

Boy: I want to draw a door for my house drawing...
Teacher: Google it..
Boy: I found it. house-door.jpg. It seems popular. A lot of stars.
Teacher: download it, cut and paste to your paper.
Boy:Can I draw it myself?
Teacher: yes.. but this is easier, isn't it? Don't reinvent the wheel.
Boy: but, this door does not match with my french window.
Teacher: oh, integrate french windows with door? Try to search house-door-french-window.jpg. maybe someone already did something like that?

The real truth.

Wi-Fi WPA2 has supposedly been successfully hacked and a proof of concept is supposed to be released later today. Thoughts? Link below.

www.krackattacks.com

Rip WPA2
Rip SysAdmins

This guy at my last internship. A windows fanboy to the fucking max!

He was saying how he'd never use anything related to Linus Torvalds because he hated him for creating Linux.

Two seconds later I saw him initializing a new git repo.

I was standing there like:

*should I tell him?*

😅😆

If a Pizza has the radius z and the height a, its volume consists of Pi*z*z*a!

My friend asked me for Java advice today...

Installed Linux on an old windows laptop. This is my conversation 5 minutes ago...

Wife: "Have how you got internet?"
Me: "What do you mean, it has a wireless adapter built in?"
Wife: "But it's not Windows?"

WTF!!!

Me: "Pass my phone, this is going on devRant"
Wife: "Please no, not again"

Client: The media player is not loud enough... can you pump up the volume a little bit?
Me: Ok.