So this is kinda hard to talk about but.. I finally got to a point in my career where I don't have a boss, work remote, make my own schedule etc.. problem is .. I am very low on productivity I feel like I'm working maybe 1/10th of my capacity and although Yea this may sound dream-like .. it gets old and I'm realizing that I used to excel at my last job for my boss.. I wanted to please him in every way for validation and acceptance..

Yea that's dysfunctional as fuck .. so basically how the hell do i use my own mind to drive my excellence? I'm so lost and don't really know how to find the motivation that people pleasing once brought me..

For some context as well, I have also done a lot of psychedelics over the past couple years and it has basically destroyed my ego .. "but that's a good thing" you say?

Well yes and no, I used to rely on my ego to drive me on my own in lieu of wanting acceptance and validation from my boss. So that was a bit unexpected, getting rid of my ego got rid of my dysfunctional drives to prove myself to others and seek acceptance..

Gahh I'm ranting :'D

TL;DR: how do you motivate yourself if you've traditionally found motivation through pleasing others???

Thoughts on forced emergency support?

I am with a company I generally like a lot but there are some things I generally despise about it. Like forced emergency support.

I am not good at it, I don't claim to be.. I generally struggle with anxiety, stress and depression, I specifically avoid roles that require on-call service .. I'm a senior level software engineer.

I find it very frustrating to be expected to be on-call from 7-7 in support of infrastructure I did not architect, did not code and basically know nothing about. They provided me with a ten minute discussion about ops genie and where to find internal support articles for my training and that's about it.

Last night I received an ops genie alarm and acked it as I was instructed to do, I went around the system looking for the alarm cause and basically had no idea what to do except watch our metrics graphing praying there wouldn't be an outage. Fortunately the alarm was for our load balancer scaling operation, it was taking a bit longer than usual ... Sigh of relief. Stay up til 6am and fall asleep..

Wake up to a few messages from various people asking why I didn't do this and that and it took me every inkling of my being to remain cordial and polite but I really just wanted to scream and say a bunch of shit that would probably get me fired.

What the actual fuck?

Why expect someone that has no god damn clue what they are doing to do something like this? Fuckin shit training and no leadership to mentor me and help me get better at this role, no shadowing, no regiment ..

#confused and #annoyed

Thoughts? Am I a bitch? Is it unreasonable for me to expect my job duties stay in line with what I'm actually good at!?

Thanks.

Working at home has made it to where a task that used to take me a couple hours takes a couple of days, should I get a co-work office space?

Struggling

Started a new job not super long ago with the intention of "learning new tech" and so I get my wish, I'm thrown into a project as the LEAD ENGINEER

And my junior dev proceeds to run circles around me and I know literally nothing about what is going on in this project aside from the architectural / feature planning discussions I've had with marketing/junior

I've been trying to learn vuejs for what seems like weeks and weeks and I'm just not "getting it" I come from a strong oop php background and this paradigm is using tons of tech I know basically nothing about. Every time I talk to junior I get super depressed cause he's speeding along and I'm still completely clueless.. what the FUCK do I do

What can you do if your boss is basically refusing to give you access to a server that you need access to to do your job? It's really weird to me. Only he has access to any prod systems we have. Is this realistic? Is this more of an attempt at staying necessary and needed? I'm pretty fed up with it as I've had prod access at every other company I've worked for and have nearly ten years of web experience .. what gives?

Well guys I finally pulled trigger and got a new job, I start pretty soon. The thing is they want me to move across the country to carlsbad california. It's a sweet place to live and have seen it. I don't have to move for about 6 months though.

Does anyone know of some good best practices for moving across the country? Any reasonable companies that don't want 12000 dollars to do it? I have two cars and a 2 bedroom apartment.

Any suggestions on how to move the cars without driving across America and spending 3 days doing it?

Should I ship one car and make a vacation out of the destination travel?

Guess I should mention I'm moving from Houston

Thanks, any help is appreciated!

I did it, I know what the problem is. I want my boss to actually care about me as a person and growth rather than a cog for his system.

Is playful banter a thing in your team?

Yearly assessments are out at my job, I hate it. It's nasty and political. Assessment server is running on company hardware and all of this just seems so grimy and nasty.. definitely not building trust or team building...

So I didn't realize it was going to take a global pandemic to work from home, but I guess it did and it's great!

Hello, one of the other devs on my team insists that using:

<?=$myVar?>

In a template is super dangerous but:

<?php echo $myVar?>

Is safer.

Why? Is this valid in PHP 7.3?

Git Question:

Semiunusual state here. Have a branch I'm trying to merge into develop and there are a LOT of merge conflicts, some head way has been made in this merge branch..

HOWEVER

I'm wondering is there a way to "suspend" the branch/merge progress and go back to develop?

Who in their right mind would gpo disable the c drive on a dev workstation...

Oh man.. the front end on this project makes me want to cry

FUCK OPEN OFFICE ENVIRONMENTS
FUCKING GOD DAMN

Welp, after 8 months of active feature development we've reached RC1! .. it's a welcome reprieve to do some bugfix/improvement work!

As much as I love my job and the people here I need more money to make it worth my while as I'm barely breaking even at this point. Any one interviewing full stack devs in Houston?

Some gratitude.

I know I've come on here in the past emotionally wound up from work / project stress but I feel like some gratitude is in place.

I work with a lot of really cool people, my company is fair and my boss treats me really well. I got a bonus range increase and I've been there just four months. Boss even arranged to cover my moving expenses in September. Learning how to cope with office life has probably been my biggest challenge.

Thanks everyone that reached out in the past you guys really gave me some good perspective and other things to consider!

What do you do when your family time conflicts with your work time? What can I do to rotate my work schedule forward so I can get some fucking sleep without giving up on either work or my family?

This sucks, I get like 5 hours of sleep at night and my job wants me to be here no later than 9 for whatever reason.

Not to mention my commute is about 45-60 minutes both ways

Not to mention I'm making just enough money to cover my bases. Going to Costa Rica for a vacation is no where near my ability.. hell even driving across the state for a weekend trip would be wildly out of budget.

I've tried asking for a flexible schedule and ability to work from home as needed but its just become a circular debate.
I'm getting burned out and always feel tired, have no energy to stay motivated or give a shit

I guess I'm doing something right.

The branch executive just asked me why I haven't taken any time off :O

What in the fuck? Do all beginner programmers just flat out not read error messages?

Oh. My. God.

Boss JUST NOW after months of development has told me that anything the user sees needs to be i18n wrapped

*Bangs head on desk*

Why wasn't I told this?
Why isn't it this way anywhere else in the code?! Wtf!

Lol at least today will be laid back and easy, albeit tedious

Well after working a normal office job for a while I'm kinda starting to think I thrive on isolation.

All of the people, the noise, the distractions, the lights, it's all so overwhelming. I have constant anxiety attacks.

Idk does anyone relate with this? We're they ever able to overcome? Cope? Bend their employer to the will of their isolationism by working at home more often and still producing results despite the Beck and call to "please stay in the office and fit in our prescribed work time box, you robot."

If we have a bad back is there a way to get insurance to buy us a better chair for work?

What do you guys do when you can't get motivated to code and feel sluggish?

I think vector is the coolest type in c++

Asked my boss if I could have more ram. He laughed at me .. we have 4gb..

My phpstorm freezes all the time while the page file catches up...

My company is against developers working remotely.. wtf?

What is the best way to use/implement metronics theme?

My employer has a project that I am on and so far metronics -- what I gathered to be easy to use front end etc has really just made developing in the frontend feel like walking around in mud. Am I missing something?

I've posted about this a little in the past but.. my situation is that I got hired by a company as a developer, it turns out it was a lead dev role and they some how believe that I'm a one man army that's gonna finish a really huge web application started by another dev that left the company (apparently out of frustration from what I'm gathering in code comments and other employees)

All of this needs to be done in four months. I have never written a web application from the ground up and have always been subordinant to more competent developers. The team I with speaks mostly French and I can't help but notice the ever increasing social, communication, and cultural divides, being ostracized by people that I need support from because they don't speak great English has been frustrating to say the least. People have taken a step back in other areas which has me concerned they might be wanting to axe me cause I'm not making enough progress. Helppppppp