Dear client who called me at 5 a.m with the "emergency" of not having internet. I am not your ISP. Fuck off.

was at a hackathon, had to write an app that sent current location to emergency contact. hard coded the location of where the hackathon was taking place and one of the members phone numbers. we came second

Received "emergency update" code from internal enterprise security team. Wasn't given time to do code review; was assured code was reviewed and solid.

Pushed code to over 6k lower-level servers before finding this gem buried deep within:
...
cd /foo; rm -rf *; cd /
...

(This ran as root, and yes, the cwd was / from earlier in the code).

/foo, of course, did not exist on some servers.

Now, it is those servers which do not exist.

FML

Holy mother of god, 100K!

Honestly what happened? Upvote sprees or something?!

I left devRant with 95K this morning 😱

I'll do a bigger rant later, just came out of work, most of the day went well but last hour was more stressful than anything so gonna go home (have a coffee on the way) now and prepare an emergency security blog article (something happened in the security/spy world).

Thanks peoples!

~Ring ring~
Me: Hello, how can i help you?
User: The system is not working
Me: It's because there is not electricity
User: Oh, thanks

10 seconds later
Me: Hello, how...
User: Hi, it's me again, i checked in the building and there is light in the hallway
Me: It's the emergency lights
User: Oh, thanks

Confessions of a Programmer

#1
If a client is an unbearable asshole during the initial communication, I look for every excuse to pad on the hours for the estimate to get paid more. If a client goes above and beyond in their douchbaggery, I tack on an additional $40/hour.

#2
Sometimes I will present an elaborate solution to a client, but really I'm just reading off the features of a plugin or library I'm going to download or buy after the call. Not because I can't build it myself, but because I'd rather spend more time on other/my own projects.

#3
Clients assume because I know one language, I know them all. Rather than turning down the work, I take a crash course to work in that language, or outsource the work and clean it up afterwards, whichever is more practical at the time.

#4
I use cPanel on a dedicated to manage our client websites. I'm not paid enough to bother with setting up everything manually.

#5
Certain projects I build have a 3-day backdoor built into it. If the client doesn't pay upon completion, a unique hash triggered as a GET variable deletes a core file in my work, rendering the work useless. If it wasn't triggered by the 4th day, the file allowing me to trigger this backdoor is removed. This is only used for clients where the project must be launched on their servers, or if there has been a previous issue collecting payment.

#6
I slip in the initial contract that all preceeding phone calls will be monitored and recorded, and that they acknowledge the recordings are admissable in court. This has saved me from losing money twice now.

#7
I have never used an IDE. (I know, I know, it's really inefficient and dumb, but I'm just more comfortable with Sublime. Plus I often find myself mobile and without my computer, so I have to program from my phone.)

#8
Each day resembles a betting spectacle of which work will be late, which will be rushed out and which will never see the light of day.

#9
I have used "sick" and "family emergency" as an excuse to just sleep in far more than I can count.

#10
When a client from hell crosses over the line in their conduct (such as getting very nasty and personal, or sending threats), I anonymously report them to the BBB and on RipOffReport.

Me and my love-hate Linux.

I lost virginity really early. In the age of 5 it was my first time with windows 95. I spend almost 10 years with Windows before something happened that would change everything. I met Linux. Her forename was Arch. I had a crush on her right from the beginning. It didn't take long for me to abandon windows. Arch had everything I wanted. She had latex which was pretty hot and looked simply and elegant on her. Sometimes she was really hard to deal with and almost drove me crazy, but I knew I fell in love.

Until that day. I had to write a short paper which was quite fun and Linux helped me alot. It was a breeze to work with her. The evening before the deadline she was quite thoughtful. She sometimes was, so I thought it'll be alright, but this time was different. She struggled a bit, so I put her to sleep and she never woke up. I brought her to the emergency lab which was open 24/7. Since no one was there I had todo the surgery myself. After 5 hours I was almost to tired to continue when she finally woke up. I asked her about the things she should remember for me - then I killed her. I started to hate Linux for what she had done to me. The unbelievable stress and horror.

I returned to Windows. Besides that she got a bit more curious what I was doing when and where nothing really changed and she was glad to have me back. I just was happy how simple our relationship was.

One day then, I couldn't believe it at first, I met Archs sister. Manjaro. No matter how strange that is, but it was as if I would meet Linux again for the first time. She was just a bit simpler but as flexible as arch. Since then we are happy together. It seems that we both just grew up a little.

And with Windows? She got even more curious! Actually I have the feeling she is stalking me now, but I don't regret anything!

Every goddamn time, when am in a hurry, this (shit) happened.

!dev !rant - only very sad

I have been through the worst and saddest week of my life.
Sadly, it's getting worse every day.

I've been travelling around the world in my RV for years and haven't seen my parents for several years. Since I recently successfully completed a huge project and now have some spare time, I thought it would be nice to visit my parents. Everything went well. We were glad to see each other after a long time and had a nice day together. My father works as a security guard and had to go to work early in the evening. So I stayed alone with my mother.

In the evening my mother went to bed earlier than usual because she didn't feel well. I wished her a good night and wanted to surf the internet. But somehow I had a strange feeling (maybe a premonition) and after 5 minutes I went into her bedroom to bring her a glass of water and at this very moment she suffered a heart attack. I threw it all away and called 911 immediately. I shouted the address into the phone, screamed emergency, heart failure, unconscious while trying to start resuscitation at the same time. Fortunately, the ambulance was nearby, arrived in just a few minutes, pushed me aside and started the resuscitation procedure. It took more than an hour and dozens of electric shocks to even get a pulse.

The ambulance took her to the hospital for further medical treatment. I was in the hospital all night until at least she had a stable pulse.

As soon as I returned to my parents' house (the car was still warm, hardly 3 minutes have passed), my father, who had returned from work a few minutes earlier, suddenly suffered a thrombosis in his leg. The whole leg was slowly turning black. I immediately dragged him into the car and drove him as fast as I could to the hospital.

It's Sunday now. I haven't slept since Thursday and I've been in the hospital all the time. Both are in a coma, fighting for their lives. I thought it couldn't get any worse, my mother got sepsis and pneumonia today.

Now I have returned to my parents' house and pray that both of them will survive. Can't sleep even though I'm tired to death. Can't work, try to distract me somehow. Maybe I'll be able to sleep at least two hours. Then I'll go back to the hospital.

What a damn fuckin' week.

The next person who calls the server disruption/emergency line for something that is NOT related to a server wide issue/outage is going to get a rusty pipe with fucking sambal up their fucking ass.

I am so fucking done with this bullshit.

someone who thought me about computer when i was a child. someone who thought me machine code, and cobol. someone who thought me about the world. now he is, my dad, hospitalized again (12th times already this year) for cardiac arrest. and today, he is getting better and showing a lot of progress.

This situation thought me again about how life works and how hard can it be. my dad divorced with my mom since i am 3 months old and i've been living with my aunt since. and now he married again with a women with 2 child. i though he was gonna be happy. and apparently not. at the time of the cardiac arrest, his wife don't even want to bother and getting involved if her husband got anything emergency like this, every single thing is thrown at me (or my aunt), from calling the ambulance, paying the hospital and medical bills, accompany my dad, every minor perks, Everything and Always. Once, i reach the point and i'm very angry to her, but my dad always hold me back. and now i don't even want to bother, care, or whatever to his wife again. i just care for my father.

This will temper me more and more, for anyone who searching for your love of your life, please be careful. there is still alot of woman who doesnt have any heart.

Life is hard.

So this happened today with a co-woker in neighbouring team.

This guy (who looks like Steve Jobs) all of a sudden had a severe chest pain.

He informed the person next to him and his friends immediately took him to a small hospital nearby.

As the hospital was not equipped with advanced medical equipments for treatment and his pain was only increasing, so to avoid the risk they called an ambulance to transfer him to a bigger hospital.

Upon arrival he was taken to emergency room. His family has been informed by now. Situation is tensed now. Everybody biting their nails and awaiting for the further information.

Doctor comes out of the emergency room and informs that it was nothing but severe gas. An antacid and everything is well now.

Now is the best part, as soon as he came to know this, he gets up -> pays the bill -> walks to nearest bus stop -> boards the bus -> reaches office and works for rest of the day.

From emergency ambulance to public bus. This guy is epic. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

!Rant
The biggest face palm moment in my life..

A girl in my class came up with an app idea. She wanted to make an app using which we can transfer our battery charge using Bluetooth.  We initially thought it was a joke, then she went out to defend herself saying "if we can transfer files why not charge? If you're in an emergency and your battery almost drains out, wouldn't you feel nice if your friend could quickly transfer you 30% charge?"

Liked it, then give me a ++ via Bluetooth...

😂😂😂

Summing up many ridiculous meetings I've been in.

Many years ago we hired someone for HR that came from a large fortune 500 company, really big deal at the time.

Over the next 6 months, she scheduled weekly to bi-weekly, 1 to 2 hour meetings with *everyone* throughout the day. Meeting topics included 'How to better yourself', 'Trust the winner inside you'...you get the idea.

One 2-hour meeting involved taking a personality test. Her big plan was to force everyone to take the test, and weed out anyone who didn't fit the 'company culture'. Whatever that meant.

Knowing the game being played, several of us answered in the most introverted, border-line sociopath, 'leave me the frack alone!' way we could.

When she got the test results back, she called an 'emergency' meeting with all the devs and the VP of IS, deeply concerned about our fit in the company.

HR: "These tests results were very disturbing, but don't worry, none of you are being fired today. Together, we can work as team to bring you up to our standards. Any questions before we begin?"
Me: "Not a question, just a comment about the ABC personality test you used."
<she was a bit shocked I knew the name of the test because it was anonymized on the site and written portion>
Me: "That test was discredited 5 years ago and a few company's sued because the test could be used to discriminate against a certain demographic. It is still used in psychology, but along with other personality tests. The test is not a one-size-fits-all."

VP, in the front row, looked back at me, then at her.
HR: "Well....um...uh...um...We're not using the test that way. No one is getting fired."
DevA: "Then why are we here?"
DevB:"What was the point of the test? I don't understand?"
HR: "No, no...you don't understand...that wasn't the point at all, I'm sorry, this is getting blown out of proportion."
VP: "What is getting blown out of proportion? Now I'm confused. I think we all need some cooling off. Guys, head back to the office and let me figure out the next course of action."

She was fired about two weeks later. Any/all documentation relating to the tests were deleted from the server.

Story time.

Not sure it counts as data loss, more temporary corruption (and in my own brain).

> be me.
> be clinically depressed
> be recently out of an awful breakup
> recently nearly committed suicide by train
> be bored and lonely one night
> take lsd
> feel fine
> go to McDonald’s
> feel fine
> while eating question the nature of reality
> become convinced I’m an observer of a cosmic story and cannot die
> go outside in only jeans
> run in traffic at 1AM to prove my point
> don’t die
> run around the streets more sure of my new reality than I’d ever been of anything
> feel free and no longer sad
> walk around observing the world
> sit on wall and wonder why the story had the structure I was observing
> fall off wall into grass and mud
> follow cute guy into apartment building
> follow into lift
> ask what everything means
> spend better part of couple hours in lift pressing emergency button asking for help
> get no response
> scare poor Russian lady that gets into lift and finds an overweight topless man on the floor babbling incoherently
> ride to top floor
> get out
> sit on leather chair in corridor
> feelsnice.tiff
> decide I’m actualising my desires and reality
> don’t realise this is just the trip wearing off and consciousness exerting more control
> walk into random apartment (door is unlocked because why wouldn’t it be for the god that I believe I am at this point)
> explore
> gorgeous apartment
> realise it’s a family apartment from clothes in hallway and items
> find bathroom
> decide I want a bubble bath
> run bubble bath
> can’t work out how to drain water. Bath now full of twigs and mud #sorry
> decide that I’d like to go home, or onto my next adventure. Hopefully the seaside as I’m now realising I have more control.
> open bathroom door
> not the seaside. Ah well. Try to walk home
> walk home wrapped in fluffy towel from nice family’s apartment
> get home
> realise what had happened
> throw remaining drugs away
> sit and rock in utter paranoia and guilt for hours until flatmate wakes up.

MFW first bad trip ever.
MFW I wonder whether that family knew I was there and were scared / discovered the mess in the bathroom the next morning and not knowing which is worse.

MFW I still have the towel because it’s fluffy AF.

The moral of the story kids, is that when it comes to the OS rattling around in your brain, installing a virus that is sensitive to what apps you have running is a bad idea when those apps make the virus go to fucking town.

Terrible analogy I know, but fuck it.

lel, we've been robbed 10 minutes before midnight. We've been beaten by a hip bone looking stick. Sitting now in the emergency lobby. That was an adventurous start into 2019. 😄

> Be me
> Be on 24-hour emergency service
> Post rant about stuff breaking during said service
> Forget to turn off notifications
> Get awoken in the middle of the night by phone
> Think shit is going down
> View message
> People are liking my rant
> Try not to cry

Suddenly my KDE neon installation didn't want to start anymore. (emergency recovery shell)

Immediately searching for solutions, praying for the best...

Saw a suggestion about removing any custom /etc/fstab entries. Removed an entry i added earlier today.

Boots again right away, fuck yeah, Linux, I fucking love you ❤︎

Ubisoft's emergency procedures...

Code review.

Now let me be clear and say I’m not against code review in general and I think it’s a critical part of the engineering process...

But picture this situation:

Q: “Why is this const?”
A: because it is invariant and more information for the compiler means it’s easier to forward constants etc.
Q: “why don’t you do it this other way that’s no better than what you did here?”
A: “stop wasting time”
Q: “I’m going to block submission of this emergency patch because of code formatting and then go home for the day”
A: ...
Q: <asks about some other c++ semantic related to the change under review>
A: <explains basic c++ language topology while simultaneously wondering why this is the appropriate forum for it>
Q: “you should have designed this the way I would”
A: ...

There are some great code reviewers on my team but there are just as many time wasters who’s comments seem more related to not knowing how c++ works and how compilers work than actual deficiencies in my code.

I’ve also tried to bring better readability to our codebase in ways that are so subtle they are almost style agnostic and that has been met with fierce resistance (our codebase is actually quite good but has no naming conventions or file conventions whatsoever and it’s nuts how frustrating it is)

I guess to put it more precisely my issue with code review starts when it becomes somebody else’s forum to prove they’re smart enough and hard working enough to be worth their salary rather than a forum for improving submissions and catching bugs. I have a big fucking issue with that.

In case of fire:

Git commit
Git push
Git out of building

My team handles infrastructure deployment and automation in the cloud for our company, so we don't exactly develop applications ourselves, but we're responsible for building deployment pipelines, provisioning cloud resources, automating their deployments, etc.

I've ranted about this before, but it fits the weekly rant so I'll do it again.

Someone deployed an autoscaling application into our production AWS account, but they set the maximum instance count to 300. The account limit was less than that. So, of course, their application gets stuck and starts scaling out infinitely. Two hundred new servers spun up in an hour before hitting the limit and then throwing errors all over the place. They send me a ticket and I login to AWS to investigate. Not only have they broken their own application, but they've also made it impossible to deploy anything else into prod. Every other autoscaling group is now unable to scale out at all. We had to submit an emergency limit increase request to AWS, spent thousands of dollars on those stupidly-large instances, and yelled at the dev team responsible. Two weeks later, THEY INCREASED THE MAX COUNT TO 500 AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

And the whole thing happened because a database filled up the hard drive, so it would spin up a new server, whose hard drive would be full already and thus spin up a new server, and so on into infinity.

Thats probably the only WTF moment that resulted in me actually saying "WTF?!" out loud to the person responsible, but I've had others. One dev team had their code logging to a location they couldn't access, so we got daily requests for two weeks to download and email log files to them. Another dev team refused to believe their server was crashing due to their bad code even after we showed them the logs that demonstrated their application had a massive memory leak. Another team arbitrarily decided that they were going to deploy their code at 4 AM on a Saturday and they wanted a member of my team to be available in case something went wrong. We aren't 24/7 support. We aren't even weekend support. Or any support, technically. Another team told us we had one day to do three weeks' worth of work to deploy their application because they had set a hard deadline and then didn't tell us about it until the day before. We gave them a flat "No" for that request.

I could probably keep going, but you get the gist of it.

One of my favorite quotes:

"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"

Had to apply this liberally at my last job. Even had it posted at my desk for a time.

Day before easter holidays, a few years ago. It was evening and almost everyone had gone home. I finished a task, and immediately set off to do the next one, stressed as fuck, as usual. One colleague was left at the office, who asked me to at least eat something before I continued. I said I didn't have time, but after some negotiations sat down at the table, and realized I couldn't physically move the fork to my mouth.

I was having a panic attack. My colleague helped me with breathing excercises, gave me some pills and when I started to calm down a little, I said I'd better go back to work.

"No", she responsed, "we're going to the emergency"

I refused, since I had work to do, but she told me that I needed a person in a white lab coat to tell me that I shouldn't work for a while.

We went. The doctor gave me 3 weeks of sick leave, where I learnt a new word: No.

I thank the universe for not letting me get burnt out. I'm thankful for that amazing colleague.

I now work without stress, doing one thing at a time and saying no when my body says no.

"We have another major incident spinning up. QueenMorgana, are you free?" NO, I'M FINISHING UP THE NOTES FROM MY LAST TWO CALLS THAT JUST ENDED, WHY DON'T YOU CALL IN, LAZY FUCKWAD.

Why is it so damn difficult for my boss to cover a call when we're all busy DOING ALL THE LITTLE POINTLESS SHIT HE GIVES UP. He had me follow up from my coworker's call yesterday, not seeing the logic in, IF IT WERE STILL A FUCKING ISSUE, THEY WOULD HAVE CALLED US BACK THIS MORNING.

So now, I have to sit on the line AGAIN and take notes for shit that's not even a major issue BECAUSE IT'S BEEN DOWN FOR A WEEK. IF IT'S DOWN THAT LONG AND YOU DON'T SUBMIT A TICKET TO ME OR CALL OUR MAJOR INCIDENT LINE, I DON'T GET PAID ENOUGH TO RESPOND LIKE IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

Also, fucking lazy asswipe of a "teammate" bitching about being on a call for over 8 hours, while the rest of us are on back to back calls. He's never been on a long call and has been here a year longer than I have. I've been on a 14 hour and a 16 hour, and my other teammate has handled a 26 hour call. 8 HOURS IS FUCKING NOTHING AND YOU WORK FROM HOME SO DON'T EVEN HAVE TO WEAR PANTS.

**spilled 3 cups of coffee this morning, and have an expensive maintenance on my car today, likely to explode on just about everyone**

Emergency code push the gas station!

Words to live by as a developer:

“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine”

But somehow people(you guys knows who they are) doesn’t seem to get that!

Told some guy who was parking next to the emergency exit to move his car. He was like "uhm, well, you're not going to have an emergency anyway.."
*fire alarm starts*

Perfect timing ^^

"I put in a request last week, why isn't this done yet?! It's an emergency!"

Look up number... Created early 2015. Need by date, late 2019.

Mothertrucker, get yo shit straight. I've been on the phone since 7, I don't have time for these games. How does 2.5 years pass and you say it's been a week?!

....and there goes my phone again

If you are a salesperson, you can just go straight to hell. You're all a bunch of cocksucking twats and I'm amazed you manage to get yourselves dressed each day. You're a no good fucking waste of oxygen and you need to put your fork in a socket the next time you're eating.

I'm working on building a crm and ticket management system for use in the office to handle client passwords. Since I'm building from scratch I wanted to make sure I had properly planned my classes and functions before opening the code editor so I put a message on my door that says "Don't interrupt, thanks" followed by the date so people knew it was a fresh message and not something left from the previous day.

I'm deep in the zone, the psuedo code and logic is flowing, I'm getting classes planned and feeling really productive for an hour or so when suddenly my door flies open and in comes a sales person.

SP: "Hey, do you have any extra phones lying around? Mine's being slow and keeps hanging up on people."

Me: "Do you see the sign on my door right there at eye level which says not to bother me?"

SP: "oh, do you want me to come back later?"

Me: "You've already interrupted me now, let's go see what's going on before I spent an hour setting up a new phone for you." While we are walking across the office I asked him when the last time the phone rebooted.

SP: "idk, Salesperson#2 suggested that as I was headed over here but I figured I'd just ask you."

We get over to his desk and I see he has two phones sitting on his desk. "Where did this one come from?"

SP: "Oh that was on the desk over here but I figured I could use it."

Me: "Well aside from the fact that the phones are assigned to specific people for a reason, you took the time to unhook your phone to set this one up and you didn't think to reboot your phone first. Plug your phone back in."

He plugs the old phone, which is assigned to him, and while booting it does a quick firmware update and boots up fine. He tests a few things and decides it's all better now.

So someone suggested a fix for you and you decided, instead, you would break company IT policy by moving equipment from one station to another without notifying the IT department. You entered a room which had a closed door without knocking, and you disobeyed the sign on the actual door itself which politely requests that you go away. All because you couldn't be bothered to take 2 minutes and reboot your phone, which you had to do anyways.

You completely broke my train of thought and managed to waste 2 hours of effecient workflow because you had an emergency.

'Twas the night before deployment and all through Hipchat
Not an intern was stirring, or a CSM, at that,
The feature design was approved with care,
The business case and user feedback were there.

The sales team was home watching the game in their beds,
Making "Presidents Club" danced in their heads,
The CEO mused over valuation cap,
And how the competition could take a dirt nap.

When in pager duty there arose such a clatter
The night devs logged in to see what was the matter.
Away to the server logs they flew in a flash
To see what had made the primary DB crash.

The pristine backups in the freshly pushed cloud
Gave joy and relief to the now-anxious crowd.
When what, on the CDN status page should appear,
But holly-red downtime and a DDoS severe.

With little fanfare and at speeds none could detect,
In toddy-wreathed glow appeared the Senior Architect!
In mere milliseconds the commands they came,
Were whistled, and shouted, and called out by name:

"Now Traceroute, now Nmap, now Dig, now loopback Localhost!
On Makefile, on Linker, on Tar, on avocado toast!
To the bottom of the Btree, to the root CA,
Now compile! Compile! And restore away!!"

As JS frameworks of the day away fly ,
When the zeitgeist forgets them in the race to the sky,
So up to the network backbone they flew,
The Architect on her PDP-10, with her Dynabook too!

And then in a twinkling, the emergency team
Saw the DDoS reverse, and the bits surged downstream
Packets, like snowflakes, flashed before our wint'ry eyes,
At 1024 GB/s, a wonderland of surprise!

Her eyes, how they twinkled! Her shell scripts-- concise!
Her bytecode so polished it ran on any device!
Her soldering iron swung freely from her hip,
From a hot whiskey toddy she enjoyed a long sip.

She spoke not a word but went straight to her work,
And synced the prod DB where the tables went berserk.
And laying her spanner aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, to obscurity she rose!

She sprang to her PDP, to her mainboard gave a knock,
Rebooted the magnets and refreshed the clock.
She exclaimed as she vanished, giving us her last jabs,
"Remember to always use spaces, not tabs!"

I just quit 4 hours ago and in my resignation letter I mentioned that "it's a family emergency leave I have to take to take care of the issue, and I hope we'll be able to resume our work in a month or two when I come back", they agreed, so if I couldn't land a better job, the bridges wont have been crumbled!

I don't know whether I should be sharing this or not, but I seek some advice from fellow dev/sysadmin/privacy folks here.

Last year during monsoons, I fell terribly sick. Had no energy to even lift my finger.

My city was hit by floods. Thankfully, I was at home and was safe, but people out there were stranded. Roads were blocked and transport came to a complete halt.

It continued raining and night was upon us. People were stuck without food and water, let alone shelter or any other thing to their aid.

Peeps in my city are very warm. Help poured in from all directions and in every way possible.

I felt so fucking bad that I was not able to help anybody. It sucked to lie in bed without any hope.

I live by roadside and my WiFi router has a good network and covers a lot of area if placed near the window. Literally few hundred meters.

I decided to open up my network for people to connect it and use it as there was an emergency and mobile networks were hardly working.

I renamed my network as: 'Free WiFi as Flood emergency'

Funny name, but that was the only way to let people know that it was available.

That's the least I could do. I didn't know whether somebody used it or not. I would be glad if it helped anybody.

I just want to know whether I can do it by making it available to public and yet keeping it secure for somebody to misuse it?

What bug?

The way things are prioritized:

Emergency
Critical
ASAP
Do first
Top priority
Urgent
Urgent ASAP
Major urgent

Fuck sakes.. 😣

Okay so even at my advance 52 years of age, I still pull all nighters to handle emergency remediation projects, and clean up other peoples messes. I don't mind, I'm a geek, I get high on the challenge of fixing shit that is broken all to hell.

But tonight was different. Tonight has me raging.

I am tasked with renovating a website, and building a sister site to that main site as well. no bother, I haven't done any web dev in 15 years but I'll power through pulling 18 to 20 hours a day for a couple of weeks to get in the groove...

Little did I know... CSS is a pain in the ass to be sure, but FLEXBOX is total and complete bullshit.

I don't give to shits about all the fancy shit it can do, it can't do simple shit worth a damn. Fuck Flexbox, and anyone involved in producing that useless layout model.

The sheer number of idiots promoting that hunk of shit a solution that is to be applied to any task other than wiping my ass is astounding.

Fuck all you jerk offs out there posting your shitty mark up turds as if they are gold, when you know better than anyone it works, sometimes, then doesn't, and is so easy to break it may as well be called "Web Design Jenga".

I'm still tired as hell, and tomorrow I will go back to slogging through CSS as the layout method, but at least I feel a little better now.

Oh and before I forget FUCK YOU FLEXBOX you piece of shit.

TL;DR :

"when i die i want my group project members to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time"

STORY TIME

Last year in College, I had two simultaneous projects. Both were semester long projects. One was for a database class an another was for a software engineering class.

As you can guess, the focus of the projects was very different. Databases we made some desktop networked chat application with a user login system and what not in Java. SE we made an app store with an approval system and admin panels and ratings and reviews and all that jazz in Meteor.js.

The DB project we had 4 total people and one of them was someone we'll call Frank. Frank was also in my SE project group. Frank disappeared for several weeks. Not in class, didn't contact us, and at one point the professors didn't know much either. As soon as we noticed it would be an issue, we talked to the professors. Just keeping them in the loop will save you a lot of trouble down the road. I'm assuming there was some medical or family emergency because the professors were very understanding with him once he started coming back to class and they had a chance to talk.

Lesson 1: If you have that guy that doesn't show up or communicate, don't be a jerk to them and communicate with your professor. Also, don't stop trying to contact the rogue partner. Maybe they'll come around sometime.

It sucked to lose 25% of our team for a project, but Frank appreciated that we didn't totally ignore him and throw him under the bus to the point that the last day of class he came up to me and said, "hey, open your book bag and bring it next to mine." He then threw a LARGE bottle of booze in there as a thank you.

Lesson 2: Treat humans as humans. Things go wrong and understanding that will get you a lot farther with people than trying to make them feel terrible about something that may have been out of their control.

Our DB project went really well. We got an A, we demoed, it worked, it was cool. The biggest problem is I was the only person that had taken a networking class so I ended up doing a large portion of the work. I wish I had taken other people's skills into account when we were deciding on a project. Especially because the only requirement was that it needed to have a minimum of 5 tables and we had to use some SQL language (aka, we couldn't use no-SQL).

The SE project had Frank and a music major who wanted to minor in CS (and then 3 other regular CS students aside from me). This assignment was make an app store using any technology you want. But, you had to use agile sprints. So we had weekly meetings with the "customer" (the TA), who would change requirements on us to keep us on our toes and tell us what they wanted done as a priority for the next meeting. Seriously, just like real life. It was so much fun trying to stay ahead of that.

So we met up and tried to decided what to use. One kid said Java because we all had it for school. The big issue is trying to make a Java web app is a pain in the ass. Seriously, there are so many better things to use. Other teams decided to use Django because they all wanted to learn Python. I suggested why not use something with a nice package system to minimize duplicating work that had already been done and tested by someone. Kid 1 didn't like that because he said in the real world you have to make your own software and not use packages. Little did he know that I had worked in SE for a few years already and knew damn well that every good project has code from somewhere else that has already solved a problem you're facing. We went with Java the first week. It failed miserably. Nobody could get the server set up on their computers. Using VCS with it required you to keep the repo outside of the where you wrote code and copy and paste changes in there. It was just a huge flop so everyone else voted to change.

Lesson 3: Be flexible. Be open to learning new things. Don't be afraid to try something new. It'll make you a better developer in the long run.

So we ended up using Meteor. Why? We all figured we could pick up javascript super easy.Two of us already knew it. And the real time thing would make for some cool effects when an app got a approved or a comment was made. We got to work and the one kid was still pissed. I just checked the repo and the only thing he committed was fixing the spelling of on word in the readme.

We sat down one day and worked for 4 straight hours. We finished the whole project in that time. While other teams were figuring out how to layout their homepage, we had a working user system and admin page and everything. Our TA was trying to throw us for loops by asking for crazy things and we still came through. We had tests that ran along side the application as you used it. It was friggin cool.

Lesson 4: If possible, pick the right tool for the job. Not the tool you know. Everything in CS has a purpose. If you use it for its purpose, you will save days off of a project.

rant¡

Client: "Can you add some logos to the homepage?"
Me: "Sure, I've just added it, take a look at staging."
Client: "Great, we can move it to live"

** 5 days later after it being moved to live and telling them I'm going on holiday. **

Client: "EMERGENCY change logo now, we need to change x logo. These logos look crappy too. How did this happen?"

Fuck this. I'm not employed by you, you don't have any right to speak to me like that. Especially after working tirelessly for your company.

**sent email back explaining how to upload files**

Told them not to contact me unless it's technically related.

Story #1: So I took a month of parental leave. And was planning to extend it a little longer to deal with my final exams. I was planning to spend lots of quality time with my wife and newborn son. Little did I know... It turns out that out of 5 OoO weeks I was looking forward I actually had 3 at most. The rest I've spent working remotely as I was insisted to deploy a brand new and poorly tested feature to PROD 2 days before my paternity leave. So I spent 2 weeks debugging things in PROD. Remotely. Needless to say that did suck.

Story #2: After story #1 I've learnt my lesson. This summer I took 3 weeks annual leave to renovate my apartment. I asked to not to be disturbed unless there's an emergency. And an emergency it was. One of our app users had a planned hi-load batch job lasting for 2-3 months. Hundreds of thousands of items had to be created and processed. It turns out the _processing_ algo had some flaws and was acting out. I was called out and asked to assist. I knew this sort of debugging is going to take a lot of my time so this time I put my conditions on the table: I will assist but I'll extend my leave by 1.5 the time I spend working now. They took the deal. Instead of 3 weeks I had 5 weeks of vacation!

I don't care that much about my salary. I prefer to exchange it for my time off hence I didn't ask for compensations.

Bottom line: NEVER EVER underestimate or undersell your time and effort. You are a valuable asset and if the team/client needs you on your day off -- make it count. Your time off is YOUR time. Never forget it.

When the construction worker must also do software development... #softwarepatches

Travelling by train in Germany shows the 'great' status of the mobile network here.
Even emergency calls aren't possible sometimes...

Amphetamine.

If that doesn't help, "working from home", which means posting random PRs from my emergency pile every two hours, while shooting noobs in Overwatch.

Customer: (calls emergency hotline) We have a really bad bug!
Rep: What seams to be the issue?
Customer: I need to talk to Sam, he knows what to do, tell him it's urgent.
Rep: can I tell Sam what the issue is?
Customer: Well, Sam built a newsletter program but I don't have a way to import mass amounts of emails addresses.
Rep: That sounds like a feature, not a problem.
Customer: why wouldn't it do that? Would you build a car without a steering wheel?
Rep: I am not sure that's relevant to the problem.
Customer: what do you mean?
Rep: I would say it is more like, "would you build a car without a pair of jet skis attached to the back." And we would respond with, "we would be happy to add Jet Skis, but it's going to cost you additional money."
Customer: So, how are we going to fix this bug in YOUR software?
Rep: :/

So last night was a Friday. After leaving the gym I noticed a missed call and a voicemail from my client.

Note this was sent at 21:50 on a Friday night.

My client stated they were "rather disappointed" (to use their phrasing) that I didn't answer. There is no contract that I answer out of hours or any issues with their system.

This morning, I noticed my client followed up with an email. It was a single line saying they found some new AWS services they like to talk about (translate: "I've found some new AWS acronyms that sound cool that I wish to talk about for several hours").

Emergency! :)

Seriously, clients, sometimes :(

This week ended with a bang :)

I’ve been working on two massive emergency projects at work for three weeks. One was a brand new demo to be presented in front of my executive board. 2 days, 2500 lines of code. Only one hour to debug, and then worked. The team I did it for was in total disbelief, so that made me feel good. The other was a massive fix to my main project (the project is over 100 million lines of code). The diff is over a megabyte (thats 3 floppy disks in single side format) and I worked 165 hours the last two weeks to draft it, and only took me 6.5 hours to debug it. It’s the most insanely complex subsystem in any software I’ve ever worked on. I delivered it today ahead of schedule (kind of, it’s due in a few hours) and the validation team said all the tests ran perfectly and there was absolutely no back and forth. They called my boss and told him I’m a legend. So feeing very accomplished.

After days like this I feel like I could die and it would be fine because I’m just that happy. I’m going to go home now and sleep (been sleeping in my car in the parking lot because didn’t have enough time to commute)

I heard a voice in my head when I sent out that branch “Luke, you’ve turned off your targeting computer.” I said “it’s alright, don’t worry” out loud. I think my coworkers are concerned.

Worked with a European consulting company to integrate some shared business data (aka. calling a service).
VP of IT called an emergency meeting (IT managers, network admins) deeply concerned about the performance of the international web site since adding our services.
VP: “The partner’s site is much slower than ours. Only common piece that could cause that is your service.”
Me: “Um, their site is vastly different than ours. I don’t think we can compare their performance to ours.”
VP: “Performance is #1! I need your service fixed ASAP!”
Me: “OK, but what exactly is slow? How did you measure their site? The servers are in Germany”
VP: “I measured performance from my house last night.”
Me: “Did you use an application?”
VP: “<laughs> oh no, I was at home. When I opened the page, I counted one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, then the page displayed.”
Me: “Wow…um…OK…uh…how long does our page take to load?”
VP: “Two Mississippi’s”
Me: “Um…wow…OK…wow…uh, no, we don’t measure performance like that, but I’ll work with our partners and develop a performance benchmark to determine if the shared service is behaving differently.”
VP: “Whatever it is, the service is slow. Bill, what do you think is slowing down the service?”
NetworkAdmin-Bill: “The Atlantic Ocean?”
VP got up and left the meeting.

Anyone hear about the emergency patch that Microsoft just released? Its a RCE vulnerability CVE-2017-11937 which ironically targets all of Microsoft's security products.

Basically when Windows defender scans a specially crafted file the attacker can run code as the LocalSystem. Nice one Microsoft!

Hey I got reminded of a funny story.

A friend of mine and me were in internships in the same company. The company was specialized in territory resources management (managing water for agriculture, money to build industrial zones...). He got the interesting internship (water predictory modeling) and I got... The repairs of a reference sheet manager that never happened to work. It was in C# and ASP.NET and I was in second year of CS. I expected the code to be nice and clear since it was made by a just graduated engineer with +5years of studies.

I was very wrong.

This guy may never have touched a web server in his life, used static variables to keep sessions instead of... well... sessions, did code everything in the pages event handlers (even LinQ stuff et al) and I was told to make it maintainable, efficient and functional in 2 months. There were files with +32k LoC.

After 1week of immense despair, I decided I will refactor all the code. Make nice classes, mapping layer, something close to a MVC... So I lost time and got scoled for not being able to make all the modifications as fast as in a cleanly designed code...

After 4 weeks, everything was refactored and I got to wait for the design sheets to change some crystal report views.

At this moment I began to understand were was the problem in this company.

My friend next door got asked to stop his modeling stuff for an emergency project. He had to make an XML converter for our clients to be able to send decentralized electrics bills, and if it was not completed within a week, they would no longer be able to pay until it is done.

This XML converter was a project scheduled 5 years before that. Nobody wanted to do it.

At the same time, I was waiting for the Com Department to give me the design views.

I never saw the design views. Spent one month implementing a golden ratio calculator with arbitrary precision because they ain't give me anything to do until the design were implemented.

Ended with a poor grade because "the work wasn't finished".

Two years ago, I developed an security app for Android as a school project. I didn't like teamwork at school (you know, you do all the work and everyone else is getting the same grade you receive, specially if you are the nerd of the class), actually I hated it, so I made it alone.

Its name was "Alex" and was a simple "panic button". You can configure two emergency emails and phone numbers (contacts only, not police) and, if you're in danger, you just have to press the button and the app is gonna send two messages/emails to your contacts: the first one, to tell where are you (GPS, only the name of the place) and that you're in problems. The second one with an audio/photo file of the situation.

Sounds like a great app, and I tested it few times. The reason I didn't continue with this is that I got my first job and I had not time, and that, tree or four months later, the government (of the city) launched a similar app. Less sophisticated, but I think it's still useful: "No estoy sola"(I'm not alone). I haven't tested it cause I don't trust on the authorities, I'd preffer to send my location to a friend through messenger app instead.

I don't know if I should re-work this app (I didn't released it, I just have the beta) or work on something else. I'm afraid that, if I release it, someone could die or get kidnapped because of a bug or something going wrong with the app :c What do you think?

Back in the day, I joined a little agency in Cape Town, small team small office with big projects, projects they weren’t really supposed to take on but hey when the owner of a tech business is not a tech person they do weird things.
A month had passed and it was all good, then came a project from Europe, Poland to be specific. The manager introduced me to the project, it was a big brand - a segment of Lego, built on Umbraco (they should change the name to slowbraco or uhmmm..braco somewhere there) the manager was like so this one is gonna be quite a challenge and I remember you said you are keen on that, I was like hell yeah bring it on (genuinely I got excited) now the challenge was not even about complexity of the problem or code or algorithms etc you get my point… the challenge was that the fucking site was in polish - face palm 1 - so I am like okay code is code, its just content, and I already speak/familiar with 13 human languages so I can’t fail here ill get around it somehow. So I spin up IIS, do the things and boom dev environment is ready for some kick ass McCoding. I start to run through the project to dig into the previous dev’s soul. I could not relate, I could not understand. I could not read, I could not, I could not. - face palm 2 - This dude straight up coded this project in polish variable names in polish, class names in polish, comments in freaking polish. Look, I have no beef with the initial guy, its his language so why not right? sure. But not hey this is my life and now I should learn polish, so screw it, new tab - google translate, new notes, I create a dictionary of variables and class etc 
3 days go by and I am fucking polish bro. Come at me. I get to read the previous devs soul through his comments, what a cool dude, his code wasn’t shit either - huge relief. So I rock on and make the required changes and further functionality. 

The project manager is like really, you did it? I am like yeah dude, there it is. Then I realise I wasn’t the first on this, this dude done tried others and it didn’t go down well, they refused. - face palm 3 -

Anyway, now I am a rock star in the office, and to project managers this win means okay throw him in the deep - they move me to huge project that is already late of course and apparently since I am able to use google translate, I can now defeat time, let the travelling begin. - face palm 4 - I start on the project and they love me on it as they can see major progress however poland was knocking on the door again, they need a whole chunk of work done. I can’t leave the bigger project, so it was decided that the new guy on Monday will start his polish lessons - he has no idea, probably excited to start a new job, meanwhile a shit storm is being prepared for him.

Monday comes, hello x - meet the team, team meets x

Manager - please join our meeting.

I join the meeting, the manager tells me to assist the new dev to get set up.

Me: Sure, did you tell him about he site?

Manager: Yes, I told him you knocked it out the park and now we just need to keep going

Me: in my head (hmm… that’s not what I was asking but cool I guess he will see soon enough -internal face palm 5 - )

New dev is setup, he looks at the project, I am ask him if he is good after like an hour he is like yeah all good. But his face is pink so I figured, no brother man is not okay. But I let him be and give him space.

Lunch time comes, he heads out for lunch. 

1hr 15mins later, project manager is like, is the new dude still at lunch.

We are all like yeah probably. 

2hrs pass 

3hrs pass

Now we are like okay maybe something happened to him, hit by a car? Emergency? Something… 

So I am legit worried now, I ask the manager to maybe give him a ring. 

Manager tries to call. NOTHING, no response. nada.

Next day, 8am, 9am, 10am no sign of the dude. 

I go to the manager, ask him what’s up. 

Manager: he is okay. However he said he is not coming back. 


Once I strongly hissed at my boss from that time in a "stop now or I start yelling" voice.
We had an emergency and I was already working late to fix it. 8pm, only the both of us were still in the office. I was in the zone, still searching for the source of the problem and he kept coming in every 2-5 minutes offering his help, ripping every shred of concentration right off my skull, but he had absolutely no relevant technical skills, experience or information. There was nothing he could do.
In the end I hissed at him "Get your fucking ass out of here and let me do my job. This piece of shit kills my day and there is nothing you can do besides to say 'go home'."
Then he finally let me do my job.

Have you ever had a problem with a partner, but you cannot prove at 100% that he has something against you? But you cannot stand him?

Well, this happened two years ago. I was working as a tester, and “John” (I won’t say his real name) was the dude who tests my tests, but in production.

I ‘m a sociable person, and I don’t mind talking with another people. Suddenly, I noticed that my co-worker started to behave a little bit... rude? Plain? I don’t know, but sometimes he didn’t answer my conversations/questions, or sometimes answered with extra-negative stuff.

“Well, his life is not easy” I said to myself. “Everybody haveproblems”, “I have to understand him and calm down”.

Two weeks later started to report really REALLY absurd production bugs, and with absurd I mean, for example, that he didn’t like the color of a button, a point next to a phrase, etc., things very very simples, but sometimes he ignored big errors.

Once I had to went out of the city for few hours, and asked to permission to go out. I had pending tests, but I left a document with specifications in case of emergency. Even passwords. Before I could finish the thing in the other city, my partner called me two times, and asking me obvious things! I had to go back to the office ealier that I had planned, so f*** angry 😡 and when I arrived to the office, John said “no, forget it, let’s solve it tomorrow” 🙃 WTF?!!!!!!

I decided not to argue with him.

Also noticed that his headaches suddenly increased, and looked so tired ☹️ I felt guilty to judge him

I felt so guilty, and even today I don’t know what to feel about that or what to think. I don’t work there anymore, but, What do you think? What would you do?

We have got our emergency hotline on devRant. Any problem from now on call him!

Lads, this DDoS attack on DYN is must be getting pretty bad, the Department of Homeland security just launched an emergency investigation into the source and apparently Amazon has started being interrupted

Emergency change request on a Friday, guy who completes change leaves early, 29 minutes later alerts start going off. Fml.

While working I was munching from a bowl of candy, suddenly realized my face hurt and hard to breathe. Emergency room....
I apparently ate something I'm allergic to while in a code fog.
No idea what it was yet.
Must have been bad code.

Was just recalling one of the worst calls I ever got in IT...

Many years ago we had a single rack for all of our servers, network and storage (pre virtualization too!).

We had a new security system installed in the building and the facilities manager let the guy into the server room to run all the sensor cables in because that is where they wanted their panel... the guy was too lazy to get up on the roof and in the attic repeatedly so after he checked it out he went around every where and drilled a hole straight up where he wanted the sensor wire to go... well the server room was not under an attic space... when he found he had drilled through to the out side... HE FILLED IT WITH EXPANDING FOAM.... the membrane on the roof was damaged... that night it rained... I got a call at 4 am that systems were acting funky and I went in... when I opened the door it was literally raining through the corners of the drop ceiling onto the rack... An excellent DR plan saved our asses but the situation cost the vendor's insurance company $30k in dead equipment and another $10k in emergency labor. Good thing for him we had so little equipment in that room back in.

Moral of the story... always have a good DR plan... you never know when it will rain in the server room.... :)

I had to buy a mobile printer for my company for an "emergency" for a demo. I sent my boss 3 prices and he just said "go get it, we'll pay you back." After I deliver the features my boss says "Just take it back and demand a refund" this made me feel like such a douche with the supplier, plus I had to pay a 15% handling fee.

0118999811999119725..3

Somebody remember ? ;)

So I'm sitting on the toilet in my work, wondering how much time is left till I beat the specific impulse of a Raptor engine, and all of sudden the emergency allarms go off.

Weighting my options now: die in a fire or some kind of explosion, or go downstairs without ending *the thing*.

Dying Lannister-way or going out of the building and meeting my colleagues, with a very weird smile on my face.

...

I think I just discovered new levels of fast when it comes to using toilet paper.

when a feature is flagged as emergency but the app is barely used by the company.

In case of emergency:

1. git commit
2. git push
3. Leave building

> Failed to push some refs. To prevent you from losing history, non-fast-forward updates were rejected. Merge remote changes before pushing again.

🤦

We want an App!
Our logo big and centre screen!
It's the emergency button to call for help in dire and potentially dangerous situations.

What? Our logo doesn't look like a button? Just do what we say.

Sorry for the long rant, sorry if I'm a mess writing, but I need to let this out somehow.

I'm currently working as a freelance developer for a company here. I was hired to work as a front-end developer, mostly React stuff.

Suddenly, the back end developers left the project because they were offered better opportunities, and this meant chaos, as we're currently migrating an old project and building an MVP of what we're going to offer.

I sensed more danger coming, so I was preparing to leave the boat too, as it felt like a LOT of stress would come if I stood here.

Well, just when I was preparing myself, CEO looks into my LinkedIn page and sees I worked as a back end developer before, and using PHP too, which is the language our project's built in.

He organizes a quick meeting and throws my name as a developer for our project, telling me that I could work on it, and everyone agreed.

Everyone, except me, because I didn't know he looked into it and had this "emergency" meeting (mostly WhatsApp message exchange).

The case is, now that they spread this news, my name is on it and I HAVE to work on our project acting as, somehow, a developer and makeshift CTO.

It feels like a fucking leash, like "now you do this or else...".

Under other circumstances, I'd be jumping and throwing fireworks in my room right now.

Although I did build the f*cking project alone (which is quite a feature for my resumé), it's a mammoth of a project, I'm borderline crazy AND there's still data to migrate from the old model to the new.

The problem is: the people who recorded that data (which includes adresses, locations, user information) did it like they wipe their asses, there's no standards, some important data are missing and I have to validate more than 6k addresses.

I just don't know what to do. I would hire people too, but I joined this because I needed the money, so I can't.

It's hard, I'm lost, it's crazy, I'm crazy.

Sometimes my brain just stops, and I can't do anything code-related. And it makes me mad, because I LOVE to code!

This piece of crap is taking away one of the things I love the most, with a piece of my sanity and health too.

How I wish I could just send'em all to hell.

The company may be small right now. But the higher ups, they're kinda "big", and that would make my life hell if I just throw the towel now.

I don't know nothing anymore.

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?
Dad: *nudging me* that should've been you
Me: Not now dad
Dad: Not asking for a Software Engineer are they?
Me:Dad, there's a medical emergency happening right now
Dad: Go see if "Deploying code to production" helps.

The worst interview . . . .

So I wasn't looking for a job, but I wasn't happy in mine, and I would listen to pitches. Recruiter calls me about a Java job. I tell him I know JS and it's probably not a good fit. He insists my resume looks good and that they are happy to train. I know just enough Java to relent. Eventually we set up an phone interview for a day I happen to have off anyway because I'm going out of town. Morning of, I'm waiting around for the call. An hour after the scheduled time, the recruiter calls and tells me they had an "emergency" and wouldn't be able to speak today. One whole hour of my day, making me late to leave town: no one anywhere in the whole company could give me a call, no explanation, no apologies, for a job I had told them I wouldn't be a good fit for anyway.

I left them hanging the rest of the weekend and then take my name out of the running on Monday. Respect people's time and lives!

Earlier this year I had to deploy an "emergency" fix to production for (luckily) an internal facing, but customer impacting, web application.

It was only the login page they were changing. I backed up the original, copied the new file into place, and marked my task complete.

Then I went and read the details on the incident. Someone discovered that if you supply ANY valid username and leave the password blank, you're in! Put the wrong password and you're blocked, of course. But blank? You must be legit!

Curious, I looked at the timestamp on the original file I had backed up to see how long it had been like this.

4 years.

*packing for a school-hosted graduation celebration with friends*
let's see, first rule of packing for a trip, count on every slim chance happening...

List of things now in backpack:
3 changes of clothes (1-night trip for an all night party in <100-MILE-AWAY MAJOR CITY>)
Laptop
3DS
3x 4-port USB Hubs
10-port power strip (not fully in bag, but mostly so.)
Extra pair of shoes
3.5" external floppy drive
First aid kit
SAK
precision driver set
soldering set
multitool
pliers (1x farmer's, 1x bent needlenose)
multimeter
empty laptop HDD (250GB)
magnet in Altoids tin (can't have it trashing the HDD!)
VGA to RGB (Composite ends) adapter
Composite/S-VIDEO USB capture card
Portable USB chargers (1x 30k mAh 2-port, 1x superslim 3k mAh 1-port)
Enough phone chargers to replace all chargers within 30 miles
Smelling salts
2x 16GB thumbdrives
Boot disc set
$200
School IDs (for bag's ID slot)
3 pairs of decent earbuds (no el cheapo $1 ones because they break trying to get them out of the package)
Serial to USB adapter
Rehydration salts
Magnesium fire striker
Plenty of pens and pencils
Emergency radio locator beacon
Emergency cellular locator beacon
SD/eMMC/CF/TF/MCP(D) USB reader
external HDD reader (2.5" IDE/3.5" IDE/SATA, external power)

am i missing anything?

When you're at the white house and you're wearing a Trump campaign badge -

You're a Trump supporter

When you're at the white house and you're wearing a Hillary Clinton campaign shirt -

You're a traitor

When you're at the white house and you're caught coding scratch games -

You're a Russian Hacker
-----------------------------------------------------------
America declares a state of emergency

I know I added a rant to wk65 already, but this is another one.

At my final project at school, I made an app that registered all your medicine, surgeries, appointments and medicine alarms, so it worked as a medical history. It also was able to show on the lock screen, in case of emergency, your allergies and recent but dangerous surgeries.

At the presentation day there were 3 guys, me and two of my colleagues. The first one had a car dealership tracker, really awesome app, which I helped build by teaching him everything I knew about Android, I didn't do any code, I really just taught him. The second guy, he made a pharmacy tracker, to which, again, I helped make without doing MOST code (I helped on obtaining GPS data). First presentation was awesome, second presentation was really boring because the guy was constantly showing the judges that the app could detect when you were offline (really simple to do).

At my presentation, I thought it was horrible, super nervous and I even thought I was trembling.

So, then, the judges spoke, apparently they knew I helped the previous two, they thought I had the best app, they thought I had the best presentation and needless to say, I got 20/20 on the project. One of the judges even said that if I was selling the app, he'd buy it.

The second colleague didn't like that, and I later found out he was focusing so much on that offline stuff because he wanted to show he was better than me, shows that I really need to see who I really should help...

I felt really really badass after that day, because I left the school, and to this day, I had the best app/project and grades that school had seen and given. Even more when the school offered me a scholarship!

We had a company feedback meeting the other week; an airing of grievances so to speak. One of the complaints was about how when someone calls 911, no one knows exactly where it goes.

The way he phrased it, we all though it was a metaphor. But as they talked about it, someone said, "Wait, are you .. you're taking about real 911 calls? Like this isn't a metaphor?"

All VoIP gets routed via the central office; so when someone from the California office dials 911 on a phone, they get a 911 dispatch in Illinois. 😶

Hey DevRant,

Today I bring bad news. My little coding companion (little degu) in one of my past posts has done something to its back leg/paw whilst taking a fall off my brother's leg. My younger brother wasn't careful enough and the goo was unlucky enough to land on the floor injured. My feelings towards my brother and what he has done are still something I'm not sure about.

We took the goo to the vet as the goo was in severe pain. The vet gave the goo some morphine for the pain. It stopped looking stressed after a while and then it was completely chill. I was just so glad (and still am) that it's not feeling the excruciating pain it felt before. Because we don't have insurance, the price for the emergency consultation alone was quite high, but at this point I really didn't care about money...

The goo is spending the night at the vets where it will be free of pain and in the morning, the vets will x-ray the goo and see weather it can be mended. If it will not be able to be mended, the goo will have to be put down. But even during the x-ray or surgery process, the goo can die. Small animals and goos are at a higher rate of dying under anesthesia than other animals simply because you cannot feed them tubes. I just really really hope this will be okay.

Thank you for listening,

C3ypt1c

Someone not the boss of me was just leaving work on Friday and said “oh, by the way, who’s on call this weekend?”.

They know that the only person that could possibly be is me, except this was her way of asking me if I could be on call.

So, on a Friday, 60 seconds before you were going to leave you’re now asking me to be on call?

Maybe I had plans. Maybe I don’t have a work phone.

She gave me her phone number and asked me to “just quickly call my phone”.

Me: “Oh, so sorry, I don’t have any signal.”

Also me, in my mind: “You can be on call all weekend, not me. I didn’t sign up for this. I’m not paid for this and I’m not responsible for this. Your lack of planning is not my emergency”.

I did not call her phone. I had a lovely weekend.

do {
fix_hacked_code();
if(emergency)
write_hacked_code();
} while(working);

So when I joined the company 2 months ago I was told they offered flexible working, today I received this email. (I can't help but think it is aimed at me given I often arrive between 9 and 10....I'm always the last to go home)

Oh and yes they have named some of the team DevOps and others just Developers, they haven't quite grasped the concept!
-----------------------------------------------------

Morning All,

I have been noticing the start time for all the team members. Some like to start early while some likes the late start. So before Senior management raises any questions below is the shift pattern I would like everyone to stick to it.

I have assigned name against each of the shift which I am aware of. If you would like to change it please let me know. We need at least one Developer between 08:00- 17:30 and at least one Devops between 07:00 – 17:30.

If we have any emergency issues and takes longer to fix it , I would appreciate if you guys can work after your shift. We can adjust this overtime by leaving early next day or whenever possible.

7:00 – 15:30 - @Michael Smith
7:30 – 16:00 - @Sarah Twist @Jim Bob
8:00 – 16:30 - @Lesley Matthews
8:30 – 17:00 - @Bill Best
9:00 – 17:30- @Jennifer Rowe @me!
9:30 – 18:00

!dev

Fucking money problems..
Had 20k on the side before relocating..
Old country wanted 10k taxes, 10k left..

Flight, hotel etc 2k..

8k left..

Bought a cheap car, 5.5k left..

After the rental cars, 3k left..

Bank blocks card because of potential fraud, so I can’t pay the insurance and have to take another rental car..
2.5k left.
2.4k deposit so I can’t pay the insurance for 2k..

At least 0.4k left and first salary comes in, but since I’m new, I’m on emergency tax so I only got about 1.5k.. will get the taxes back later but for February I’m so fucking broke..

At least everything is paid now so I can start to safe from 0 again...

Fuuuccckkkk..

Totally worth it though..

#lifeIsSoMuchBetterOverHere,ImNeverGoingBack..

#iDontThinkCommasInHashtagsAreAllowedButIDontGiveAFuck!

Got a mail in the morning that said:

Emergency Fire Drill at 3 o'clock.

SMH

Gotta love getting messages from the PM about high priority emergency fixes that must happen before 6, and you're still sitting around waiting for the list of changes that need to be implemented and it's 3. Gotta love startups

So ... I'm just watching an anime (Musaigen no Phantom World) ... and this scene isn't related to the main plot. This is the intro of the third episode - the intros of the first two episodes were about the "phantoms", "illusions" ... :)

It starts with a blue screen and the little fairy (it's a phantom btw) said: "When the PC goes crazy, you panic quickly."

In the screenshot he says: "It is important to back up your data somewhere in case of an emergency."

A second screenshot is added in the comments.

Pulled into an 'emergency' meeting with a group of web designers deeply concerned a particular service wasn't going to meet all their requirements.
DevA: "For each page, Its going to be A LOT of work to retrieve all the data and store it's state. Every page load will require a round trip to the service."
DevB: "Yes, we aren't sure how the service should be changed to do what we need."
Mgr: "What is it not doing now? Doesn't the service already returns all the necessary data?"
DevA: "Well...um...its all the boolean fields. Some may be defaulted from the database or false because the user unchecked the box. We have to know which is which"
Me: "Why? Are you doing anything different in the UI? Checkbox will be true or false. What or who set that value is irrelevant"
DevC: "Well, it matters if the user didn't fill out all other other values."
Me: "How so?"
DevA: "Its matters because the values in the other fields. Its going to be A TON of work to figure out."
<mgr goes to the white board>
Mgr: "Lets map this out...what fields are you needing to trigger the state on?"
DevA: "Um...uh...the 'Approved' field...and um...'OK to Contact' field"
Mgr: "Just those two?"
DevA: "Yea..um...there are other fields, but whether or not to show the edit box depends on those two."
Me: "The service already returns data, you only have two fields to check? I don't see a need to change the service at all."
DevA: "Returning all that data, we are going have a serious scaling problem. We'll be hitting the service A LOT. All that javascript could cause performance problems too"
Me: "How much data are we talking about? Name, address, couple of booleans?"
DevA: "I have to serialize the data. All that logic is going to be reeeaaallly complicated. It might be better if the service returned only the data I need."
Me: "$64,000 question, how often is this feature going to be used on the web site? Maybe once? Few hundred a week?"
Mgr: "We have no idea. A lot of the data will be pre-populated and we're only sending out a few thousand invitations. More around the holidays...but honestly, not very many."
Me: "Changing that service only for this particular area of the web site isn't going to happen. Changing the UI is the only course of action."
DevA: "Oh frack I can't wait until this project is over."

DevA...how the funck do still have a job here? You wasted about half-hour of my time with your cry-baby crap. Where is my hammer...no...no..don't go there...ahhh...thanks devrant. Prison sentence diverted.

Me sends the laptop to hibernate to get off the train. As usual, the laptop goes to hibernate and shuts off after a few seconds. Not today, today it decided, it likes it much warmer than healthy for it and now I'm sitting here with a hot laptop in thermal emergency shutdown. Damn it

I will be there at the same time I don't have a car so I can get a ride to the airport on Friday and I will be there at the same time I don't have a car so I can get a ride to the airport on Friday and I will be there at the same time I don't have a car so I can get my car out the time to do it again and I look forward to hearing from you in awhile I have a few questions about the other I have a few questions about the same as the other day I will have a talk at you and I hope to see everyone again and again I apologise I didn't get a response to your advertisement for a while but it is a little chilly here is a copy to the store to buy the car is in a good way to start a little more time with the family for a while but it is a little chilly here is a copy to the time of the year for the first time in a long time and I don't want it for a couple days so I'm just trying for you guys I just want a ride with us to get a few things done and I will be there at the end if this works out well for you and your family a very happy and excited about this weekend so I'm just going to go to the store and get back with me and my family is going to be a little late today but I'm still in my car and I will be there at like midnight so much and have to be at work at the moment but I'll try again later in life I have been trying to get a hold of the guy that I have a meeting with you to discuss the details of the job and I have been working in my room so I can get a ride to the airport on Sunday so we are all on my own and I will be there at noon so I'll just be me my money back and I will get it done this weekend but I will be there at the same time and where would we have been in the hospital for a week or two to see you soon and have a great day today love it and it will not work for me to come in and get a new phone or in person and I am not sure how long it would have taken it off and on again and again I apologise I didn't know you were going to be a little late to the game and it will not work on it this morning I was wondering if you had a choice but I don't know if you have any questions please feel free to contact me at any rate is higher up for it and the other is a good time to come in for an appointment with the surgeon on my phone and I don't want to be a good friend to come in at all and the other is a good time to call and talk about what we can do to help you feel better I can come by to pick up the kids from school today so I'm not going anywhere for the next few days and I have a few more days before we get into my car to go out for lunch at home and I will be there at the same time as you can imagine how hard is it to late to get a new car is a lot more done with the interview and the kids will have a good day at school today so I'm not going anywhere for the next two days so we are all on my way home from the gym and then I will be able to make it today because I'm a very nice person who can do it for you if you want to come by and see you soon and have to go back in the office tomorrow morning at work today but I'm going back and I will be there at the same time and where would we have been trying all of us and the rest are you still interested I can send you a picture of the front and back of the house and the kids are going well with the family for a while but it is a little chilly here is a picture of the front and back of the house is in my prayers as a friend but it will have a great weekend and I will be there at the end if this works out well and that your mom and dad are going to be a bit of an emergency at least you have a good day at school today so I'm going to be in the office tomorrow and will be back to the hotel now I'm in bed with a friend and then I will be able to make it to the meeting tonight but I will be there at the same time I was in a hurry and come to the office and I will send the other side and a little about me and you will see that you sent it out and get a good deal and you have the address of where I can get a ride to work on it this week but will have a good day at school today so I'm not going anywhere for the next two days so we are going to be in the office tomorrow and I have been working in the morning and I will get it done this weekend but will be back in the office on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday are going well for you and your wife is not the case then you have the address of your day goes on and I have been working in the morning and I will be there at the same time I am in need and I'll see what the status is on the way to the airport and then we will have a great day at school today so I'm trying to get a hold of the guy who was the guy who was the guy who is going well and I am going to be out by then but if I can find a way to get the car out the door to go to the store and I have to be in a relationship with a friend and then I will be able to make it to the meeting and will get the info for the guy who was the guys are doing the meeting at the church

Emergency Broadcast "Sonar" Application made to share emergency notices to connected peers.

So yeah, it's cool, I only built a process based on years of experience. Just go ahead and completely ignore it. A failure to plan on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine.

Dev gets told in the morning there's an emergency fix needed due to a critical issue with the app that's in production and that the fix needs to be in the release that will be cut this evening.
Dev drops everything he/she is working on, works frantically all day to get it in 2 minutes before the deadline.
Release gets cut.
Next day release gets trashed because some exec did not like the size of the font used in some obscure part of the app even though it's been this way for 6 months...

I'm a developer, member of the A-Team. Actually I'm the leader of the A-Team.

We are incredibly skilled. Our problem solving capabilities is amazing, almost 100 times more effective than the rest of people. We produce code 10 times faster and better than anybody else. We have THE knowledge.

We can save the company in case of emergency.

For that reason, it's of paramount importance to nurture and protect the A-Team.

- When there is a bug, A-Team will not correct it. Because, if A-Team is busy, and bad shit happens, the company could be destroyed and we couldn't help

- When there is some important features to develop with a deadline, A-Team will not participate: A-Team must stay alert and ready in case of emergency

- If huge catastrophe happens and long hours, night and weekend are needed to fix it, A-Team will not risk burning the A-Team because it's the only high skilled team we have. The company cannot afford to have an A-Team member exhausted, underpaid, unhappy leaving or sleepy. Therefore, the company will sacrifice other less important people.

A-Team is company biggest asset and must be protected in any kind of situations.
The company should also pay training for them in order to increase their skills and make them unreplaceable.

These are my conditions. I'm the leader of the A-Team. You can't afford to loose me.

This is so far my worst Monday.

Ran to Emergency (A&E) because I was having breathing problems. Came back to work with Inhaler.

Work started with type casting and linker errors.

I hope the day ends well :(

> Snow expected tomorrow
> Railservices declare a state of emergency

PSA for all dutchies here, check the reisplanner app

In case of emergency:
git commit
git push
git out

My first professional dev job ever was working for a company specializing in nuclear facility and chemical warehouse maintenance. I helped build their in-house emergency dispatch software (so if there haven't been any recent meltdowns, it's still doing it's job).

When I started working there, their original enterprise emergency dispatch software was running on a Windows 2003 server with no security. The software itself was from the 90s and was no longer maintained. Nobody in the company had received training to use the software and the database was set-up incorrectly. The server would go down often, in which case, we called our third-party IT support to come fix it. They would send an intern who attended the same University class as I did. When the server booted back up, it would take an hour to open the application and load the bloated database. If more than 3 people tried accessing the emergency dispatch server at the same time, the server would crash again.

I don't know about you, but I have Stack Exchange's app installed in my phone just in case. I never use it, but it's there for an emergency (I don't know what kind of emergency, to be honest, but you never know...)

Out of nowhere my Linux Mint crashed and I can only enter emergency mode. What the hell Mr. Torvalds?

Thank god my home folder is in a separated partition and all my data is on remote git but I am atill very annoyed since the crash was in middle of my tunnel blick.

Me: Calling [emergency number in my country] : Hi, can you connect me to police in [my city + district]?

Operator: No, but I will connect you to country-wide police cetral, please wait... "

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

So our country has fallen into a state of emergency. Access to most popular social networks and messaging apps have been blocked or restricted.

Was discussing phones with a friend.
After a while, I said I use a Nexus 5X as my main driver with a Nokia 3310 (which I have for like 10 years already, they are that Finlay proof lmao) as an emergency backup.
So he said: "best backup ever, and if you have robbers, you throw it. Don't bring a gun to a Nokia 3310 fight"

A "safe" Ubuntu update decided to fuck with my AMD drivers and after rebooting, a nostalgic black emergency terminal greeted me with some cryptic message containing hex code as if any mortal user could make sense of it.

To add insult to injury, local mirrors don't have 18.04 which makes apt vomit errors during software installation.

How the hell does the most well known distro out there manage to have problems like that?

Got any big plans to ruin for the weekend?

True story: after waiting a week for a recruiter to get back to me, he calls for an intake evaluation at 8:45 on Monday morning. I happen to have taken my mom to the emergency room at 6am. (she's fine, btw)

Him: So, do you have a few minutes or is this a bad time?

In case of Cyclone emergency,
git add *
git commit -m "cyclone times"
git push origin master
Run

Our Other it team asked me to create a new repository instead of a new branch in my project just cuz they thought branching would be more time consuming than maintaining a separate repo for emergency bug fixes.

Using the company's desktop computers to solve cryptographic puzzles (like mining) on the company's computers while the boss and someone from the IT were asking to have a look on the machine after one guy already snatched my keyboard.

Very scary moment indeed but surprisingly it turned out: the real reason why they came was because a techadmin recently removed a shared system account but some faulty clients kept flooding the servers with outdated login credentials which also triggered mass SMS on the mobile devices.

Luckily I could somehow take an opportunity to remotely call the script which pulled the emergency brake which I prepared to shut down everything. Close call.

Nowadays I think it itsn't worth to take the risk just to do something that could also be done with the own home computer even it takes five times longer.

Vacation starting tomorrow! I'm going to BlizzCon! How much do you want to bet I will be roped into doing some emergency work while I'm there??

When a client (that I’m building an admin dashboard for) calls me in a panic and tells me all their servers are down and asks me to fix them.

Of course I don’t even have access to their DevOps stuff, but I get access from them, log on, and...

Fix the issue in 2 minutes!

You know, because I’m a baller and I do baller shit.

✌🏼

Emergency!

Having to join an emergency meeting to discuss progress of an urgent resolution the very attendance of which just delays the fix. Then repeating the meeting every 30 minutes.

Some people may remember me posting about our rabbits a while ago.

Sadly they both passed away a few weeks back.

They were both a little over a year old and died within 4 days of each other, one on Wednesday morning and then one on the Saturday morning.

After about 1200 in emergency vets fees and another 500 for a post mortem on Spencer (who died on Saturday) we found out the vets had fucked up their vaccinations.

In the U.K. it is recommended that rabbits are vaccinated against 3 viruses Myxomatosis (Myxo), Rabbit Haemorrhagic Disease Variant 1 (RHD1), and Rabbit Haemorrhagic Disease Variant 2 (RHD2).

They got their vaccinations for Myxo and RHD1 in January, and went back two weeks later for their RHD2 vaccination.

Now it turns out, when they went back for the second vaccination they were incorrectly given the Myxo and RHD1 vaccinations again.

The lab results showed Spencer had RHD, but not which variant and it is safe to assume Frank also has RHD.

The vets were going to get another lab to test for the variant but decided not too (funny that they don’t want to confirm whether it was their fuck up that killed two otherwise perfectly healthy rabbits).

The wife and I are considering getting legal advise.

What fucks me off so much is that it wasn’t a situation where there were two possible courses of treatment, or they didn’t respond to treatment, it was just a human fucking up.

The practice manager also like to keep mentioning that vaccines aren’t 100% effective, and because they won’t test for the variant of RHD we will never know 100% whether their fuck up killed our rabbits.

I’m contemplating trying to get in touch with the lab and paying for the extra tests myself.

Due to the nature of the virus it also means we can’t get anymore rabbits for 3-4 months.

I think I just fucked up my Linux mint. Only formated one partition in my second disk :(

Helped an elderly neighbour to fix his landline connection, since it broke down.
Somewhat an emergency, cause he don't have a mobile phone.

It seems, this got around and another neighbour asked if I could plug in his new printer and install the drivers.

Gosh, RTFM and don't buy hardware you can't handle.

No, I won't fix your computer.

Is it just me or there is always a work emergency (or clients suddenly needing something new done right now) on the day before leaving for holidays?

If in emergency you have to hide porn..
Just put all in one folder and then compress
it with zip/rar and change the extension which none of your computer program can understand or just change it to .class or .cpp!

Fun one on the subway:

Make a little prompt script for your phone or computer

>welcome to Washington, D. C., Mr. Davis
>what would you like to view?
>1-traffic lights
>2-subway
>3-mainframe
3
>Subway Control
>1-emergency shutdown
>2-accelerate line
>3-shutdown line

Interact with script while on subway, watch reactions. Wearing dark glasses also helps.

Do you guys take your main laptop with you on vacation / travel abroad?

I can't afford to lose my laptop. Every work is saved in it. Some important files have been backed up to cloud. But that's it.

Can't risk getting it damaged or stolen or taken in custody when abroad.

But, if something in my server fucks up when I'm abroad, i want to be able attend it and get it addressed.

I'm thinking of buying a low cost portable laptop to use incase an emergency situation happens.

How do you guys manage such situation?

I just basically performed emergency surgery on production while in a cab on my way to a class where I'll be unreachable for an hour and brought it back to life in the nick of time. I've never felt more alive.

I never stop being amazed by how one of your people call and say "client X is stuck they can't do shit omg omg top tier emergency" and when you ask them what's the issue they say "well idk they didn't say anything, how are you gonna fix it?" as if i had a magic wand and could fix everyone's problems with a snap of my fingers and understanding what's happening with literally 0 details.

Turns out 1 minute later the "issue" was due to the customer being dumb, software was more than fine and running correctly 🤔

Um, am I the only one who thinks that the SOS feature for WatchOS3 is going to cause a lot of issues for the emergency services, like as in they will get so many accidental calls?

Aww yis. Got emergency service call with only 10% battery left. Solved it with 6% left. Though I admit I don't like living on the edge. Where's my power adapter?

Finally got some time today to cleanup my inbox after three weeks of almost non-stop emergency. Came home from work, sat down in front of my computer and got a call from unknown number. Answered it and it was my ISP telling me that I have virus in my network and was spamming everybody and they cut off my internet. I know they are pretty useless and only kinda semi-IT literate. Took me an hour to convince them restore my connection with blocked port 25. Suricata log of all my traffic shows that nothing in my network communicated to port 25, the only possibilities are managed switch in front of my router I didn't managed to get into yet which should have managing interface on completely different VLAN and their router. Or mess in their system. My guess is their system is a mess. Will see how it works out tommorrow.

hello friends,

i am fucked up, if i can not deliver an simulation idea for an WSN (wireless sensor network) simulation, that involves cpu (processing) - usage, memory - usage and the usage of an sensor in an WSN simulation.

the simulation idea has to be formulated as an applicable real-world scenario, where this idea could potentially be helpful in real-life.

i only have 4 hours left, and i already thought over this for 3 weeks :( ... is there any WSN guru, that can help me out, at least this time!

if you read this and cannot help me, but want that someone helps me, please upvote, maybe someone will see this if it gets upvoted. thank you in advance.

BG shakur

I was bought into emergency medical care today morning. I feel sad coz I see all these posts on binary ++ but I missed it 😭😭 damn :-(

Fuck this fucking shit...

Be me, plan a trip to a festival with friends, vacation approved, get up at 3am to drive 9 hours from Germany to Italy, find a nice spot for our tent and yeah...

I was unloading stuff of my car and standing in range of the tailgate and get the shit smashed onto my head...

Yeah I'm a volunteer firefighter, so good at paramedics, so I applied a pressure bandage myself, because shit was bleeding all out of my head...

Then I got a ride with the ambulance to the hospital and now about a hour in the waiting room...

Please cross your fingers, that the X-ray that I'm waiting for shows no damages and that i can continue my festival...

What a happy first festival day...

I'm slowly migrating the primary e-commerce, highly outdated Joomla site at work to a licensed, out-of-the-box, designed for a printing company e-commerce system. The first step, in order to understand the system, is to migrate a business card generator to this platform. The original generator (which deserves its own rant) is for a very large and well-known client. In order to transfer to the new system, I have to recreate each business card in the specified format. However, the system requires PDFs made in Adobe Acrobat Pro. The original projects are from Adobe InDesign (which I do not have), so I have a lot of manual, very tedious work to do. Because the client is strict about their card designs, I need to remake them exactly. Well, exactly includes the font they used.

It's not as if we do not have the font at work. On no, we have copies alright. It's just that the InDesign projects, and the font, are on Macs. And the font is a PostScript file. The system requires OTF or TTF fonts. Which nobody has. So I spend my first week (last week) trying to get this paid font. I feel as if I was making a fiasco. We finally identify the exact font, even the weights, and purchase them. Today after lunch. Great! I can finally get these four cards finished. Timing is alright, I've had a busy morning trying to track down emergency issues that arose from deploying some code yesterday morning for a different system (my internship project from last year, actually).

I finish the cards. Not wanting to tackle the vertical cards or deal with the incorrect and inconsistent info on one card type right now (the client really doesn't need to know I'm remaking these and I don't need to tip them off), I start this other card from the same client. I get everything roughly in place. I even stay late to work on this to make up for lost time trying to get that font. I open the model PDF to check what font it uses, as it is different from the one we just bought, the one every other card from this client uses.

Helvetica.

I check my computer, don't have it. I check multiple co-worker's computers, even old ones. Nothing. The Macs have it... in PostScript format.

I should have started on the vertical cards. Oh, and my Acrobat Pro trial says it has "1 day left". I'm expecting it to be dead in the morning. Which means I can't get any work done until the lady gets in office and purchases me a license, which won't be until after 9:30 AM....

In an emergency, how would you communicate with friends and family? (No electricity*, no internet, no cell reception or landlines)

*No access to the electrical grid. Other sources are fine.

Program: Meets a critical bug, potentially crashing the whole system.
Administrator: Presses the "Emergency stop" button.
Emergency stop program: Meets a critical bug in itself.
Admin: X . X

First. I clarify my work schedule is from 7am to 4pm. I have a personal emergency so I must leave on time today.
Now my story: Today (finally) at noon they decide to publish the iOS and Android applications. The thing with the Android application is the other Developer is with a last minute improvement (since Monday) and is not over.

It's 2:45, the iOS app has already been sent for review, but Android is not. So when the Architect says that he already talked to the client and told him that everything is ready today, I asked the Developer if Android is already? and his response was "Almost I will finist at 3pm or 3:30".
(Hmmm) I'm worried about time so I say Ok, then Android will be published tomorrow! God he needs to finish the development, and I'm going to take new screenshot, do the merge with the development branch and everything that's need for a production release. So, the Project Manager says "Hell no! It will release today!" My answer: I have to leave at 4 and there is a lot of haste to do something so delicate.

I'm still waiting for an answer in slack from her.

Then the architect very "professionally" tells the other Developer to do it himself. It's almost 6pm and they still have not done anything

!rant

16h emergency workday gtfo I need more coffee

It's my birthday today. And I have taken the day off. Client has emergency work for me. BPOS CLIENT.

Running on energy drinks and coffee from one emergency to the other finding solutions to problems noone thought of.

Weekend really can't come fast enough.
So I can get work done.....

PM comes into my office: "Hey, if <client> asks about his edits, just tell him they're scheduled for this week."
me: "I thought they were scheduled for this week, I thought that you were currently in a meeting to get final specs so you could tell me what needed changed."
PM: "Yeah, he wants to take the plugin from 5 steps down to 3, we told him it wouldn't be a problem and we would have it done this week."
me: "Ok, there are limitations as far as what I can cut out of the process, his tag line when he started as a client was '5 easy steps' and I built something that did what he wanted in 5 steps. Changing things this late in the game is not simple, I'm talking a minimum 6 hours of work."
PM: "Well I tried to make sure that what he wanted was possible but I didn't have a developer in the meeting. It shouldn't change anything that much."

He ended up scheduling a meeting with me and the designer to go over the edits Thursday afternoon. So I will have the new specifications which I said would be a minimum 6 hours of work and I will be given ~10 hours in which to do it. I sure hope nothing unexpected pops up while I'm working on this.

I'm also the only developer this week (and technically speaking I'm junior) since our senior dev wrecked his car over the weekend and isn't planning on being in all week. I'm the only computer literate person in the office of 50 or so, which means that if there is any kind of tech issue I'm ripped away from my desk for 'emergency help'. I have two other sites to get ready for client approval meetings by Friday afternoon and if the clients approve I will be launching their sites that afternoon as well.

The sign on my door currently says "Error 500: unable to handle your request" I need something to throw at these people.

Nothing says "Productively Killer" quite like a company-wide "alert" through the building fire and emergency intercom, announcing the latest winners in an anonymous company contest.

To my boss who thinks is ok to message somebody:

- On his/her day off
- On Saturday
- On a Sunday morning

Of course all was related to business as usual stuff no real emergency stuff nor that would have impacted anyone waiting till Monday morning.

Of course no overtime nor on call here and been blamed due my ‘flexible’ schedule (read arriving at 09:15 rather say 09:00) but of course out of office hours work or having to deal with hot projects no one was able to deliver does not count...

Talking of true leadership

Story of my first successful project

Being part of a great team, I've shared in a lot of successes, one I am particularly proud of is my first attempt to use agile methodologies in a deeply waterfall-managment culture.

Time was June/July-ish and we applied for a national quality award where one key element in the application stated how well we handled customer complaint resolution.
While somewhat true (our customer service is the top-shelf good stuff), we did not have a systematic process in resolving customer complaints. Long story short,
the VP lied on her section of the application. Then came the 'emergency', borderline panic meeting (several VPs, managers, etc) to develop a process to better manage
complaints before the in-house inspection in December.
As most top priority projects go, the dev manager allocated 3 developers, 2 DBAs, and any/all network admins we would need (plus all the bureaucratic management that wanted their thumb in the pie).
Fast forward to August, after many, many planning meetings, lost interest, new shiny bouncing balls, I was the only one left on the project. The VP runs into the dev manager in the hallway and asks "Is my program done yet? If its not ready before December with report-able data, we will not win the award."
The <bleep> hit the fan...dev manager comes by...
Frank: "How the application coming along? Almost done?"
Me:"No, haven't really started coding. You moved Jake and Tom over to James's team, Tina quit, and you've had me sidetracked helping other teams because the DBAs are too busy."
Frank: "So, it's excuses. You really think the national quality award auditors care about your excuses? The specification design document has been done for months. This is unacceptable."
Me: "The VP finished up her section yesterday and according to the process, we can't start coding until the document is signed off."
Frank: "Holy f<bleep>ing sh<bleep>t! No one told you *you* couldn't start. You know how to create tables and write code."
Me: "There is no specification to write to. The design document is all about how they plan on reporting the data, not how call agents will be using the application to serve customers."
Frank: "The f<bleep> it isn't. F<bleep>ing monkeys could code against that specification, I helped write it! NO MORE F<bleep>ING EXCUSES! This is your top priority from now on!"

I was 'cleared' to work directly with the call center manager and the VP to develop a fully integrated customer complaint management system before December (by-passing any of the waterfall processes that would get in the way).

I had heard about this 'agile' stuff, attended a few conference tracks on the subject, read the manifesto, and thought "I could do this.".

Over the next month, I had my own 'sprints' and 'scrums' with the manager (at the time, 'agile' was a dirty word so I had to be careful of my words and what info I shared) and by the 2nd iteration had a working prototype.
Feature here, feature there (documenting the 'whys' and 'whats' along the way), and by October, had a full deployed application.

Not thinking I would get a parade or anything, the dev manager came back from a meeting where the VP was showing off the new app to the other VPs (and how she didn't really 'lie' on the application)

Frank: "Everyone is pleased how well the project turned out, except one thing. Erin said you bothered him too much with too many questions."
Me: "Bothered? Did he really say that?"
Frank: "No, not directly, but he said you would stop by his office every day to show him your progress and if he needed you to change anything. You shouldn't have done that."
Me: "Erin really seemed to like the continuous feedback. What we have now is very different than what we started with."
Frank: "Yes, probably because you kept bothering him and not following the specification document. That is why we spend so much time up front in design is so we don't waste management's time, which is exactly what you did."
Me: "We beat the deadline by two months, so I don't think I wasted anyone's time. In fact, this is kind of a big win for us, right?"
Frank: "Not really. There was breakdown in the process. We need better focus on the process, not in these one-hit-wonders."

End the end, the company won the award (mgmt team got to meet the vice president, yes the #2 guy). I know I played a very small, somewhat insignificant role in that victory, I was extremely proud to be part of the team.

Do you know what other kind of money is created in a way that makes it nearly impossible to forge, is typically untraceable, and is digitally transferrable, but doesn't normally fluctuate in value by 80% in a year? Fiat money backed by national governments. Cryptocurrency is very cool but as long as it isn't managed like a real currency, it won't be safe to hold long term for anything other than speculation. And the usual "what if shit happens" argument doesn't apply because in a real, large scale emergency, ethereal things that can only be accessed on electronics get you less in exchange than paper money.

The past three weeks almost no issues during the 24-hour emergency service. My service starts at 10:01. Everything breaks.

I don't often have reasons to rant, but today is the one.

We had a deadline to finish a project, because today people are being trained on it. I've been working my ass off on it for a year now.

I "finished" about 2 weeks ago, meaning QA could start for real 2 weeks ago. As you can imagine for a project this long, there was bugs. Lots of them.

We did our best to fix most of them, or find work-arounds we could use during the demo.

Let's just say it isn't going great so far. We have several known bugs, which at some point may crash the app, a very low confidence in the fact that it's going to work well.

Oh and obviously the client is one who already use heavily the solution. Today we figured we never tested on a device with 0% disk space. Files are cut partway because of that, and obviously things crash.

I have a feeling there will be yelling sometime soon.

Right now I'm enjoying the calm before the storm, with coffee in hand.

Why do people still continue to promise dates to clients, after me telling them for 5 years not to do that?

We are a 2 devs team, with 11 apps on 2 platforms, 2 back-ends (one is legacy) and obviously our marketing site, which doubles up as e-commerce. We just can't promise anything, because any emergency reduce our development bandwith for new features either to 50% or 0%. There are so much known bugs it's not funny anymore, and we don't even have time to solve those.

To add insult to injury, at the beginning of the month, the SaaS provider for our legacy back-end (which have not been maintained for 2 years now) decided we had to update to PHP7.1 before 1st October. If we don't do anything, on monday this thing is broken. I hate that thing, and I hate having to maintain it even though I was promised I wouldn't have to ever have anything to do on it.

Monday will be "fun"...

Fedora stop booting into emergency mode 😬😬😬

@linuxxx When my PC get asleep throught Linux Manjaro upgrade is it too bad? I am now in emergency shell? What can I do?

Invest in a good pair of noise cancelling headphones.

Ancillary: Have an "emergency" pair that you leave at your work desk for those times you forget your good headphones.

What a week.

A family emergency on Tuesday doesn't stop the client meeting on Thursday.

And yes, that 7 hour block of time was solid programming without stepping away from the computer.

I hate when clients think they're always right.

Yesterday this client showed up saying that he had an emergency on computer, because after an update all icons turned white. When we told he the situation and that all data was lost, he begged to retrieve all the info because he needs it to work.

He was affected by ransomware, something like Fantom, and not only all the files are encrypted but also the backups.

When you've got a night of fun planned with the wife (😉) and a major client emergency happens that needs your attention. Bleh/Sigh

The new multi-site EPOS with integrated online ticket purchasing project I’ve been working on since April/May starts to roll out on Monday.

There’s stuff that still doesn’t work and some of that is because everyone decided to start with the “can you just...? This needs to happen before Monday” shit on fucking Thursday.

No, you fucknugget, I’m not going to “just take a quick scoot through the options to find the thing that doesn’t work” nor am I going to “just quickly update the naming of all the products to more align with our brand” less than one working day prior to going live.

You should have thought about this 1 or maybe 2 months ago. Your lack of planning is not my emergency.

So I want to make an app...

You sign up with an email and phone number which is connected to a firebase or something idk yet

You add all your friends/family through email or phone number

When you need to, if you go to one of your friends, it will send notifications to your friends phone and will force it to make a sound on full volume, even if it’s on silent. Sort of like a find my iPhone for friends, or when you need them in a n emergency and you think they’re sleeping.

Of course they’ll be options to turn it off/block incoming notifications.

How would I go about doing like the whole connecting to the other phone part?

Nothing wakes you up more than your home server in Emergency Mode.

Only last month I removed a file called 'statuspage.aspx', this file has been sat there for years on our customer sites.

The file did one simple query on the database to ensure connectivity, this query dumped the admin username and password to the page, no encryption.

Needless to say we rolled out ab emergency update... Not quite sure how that made it through QA!

I brought my laptop on vacation, but I left my archiso USB drive at home, assuming I wouldn't break anything.

I broke networkmanager. I just added a connection, it worked flawlessly, but for some reason it is now a reason to stop booting. It enters emergency mode, but I can't type anything... Possibly because it doesn't have read/write access or something idk.

But how on Earth would this break my system??? I'm beginning to understand why some people dislike systemd sometimes...

I guess I'll fix it when I come home...

Emergency advice...

Going through some code I was handed to do an emergency project... Think of an aspx site that follows no design rule, like database access directly in the code behind. No models ect. So I'm going through this section that calls a function good start. Open the function find a class that contain code to access the database.. Humm ok this part look better that the rest. Read the code that validates if it exist in the database and gets the type back. So far so good then there is a get details function call.... Open up the fct ... Started crying... There is a 200+ lines switch case that goes over the type previously fetched..... And the type is stringed compare in the biggest switch case I've ever seen.... Fthis... I'm out

Anyone recommend a specific Android FTP client app? Looking for one in case I need emergency access to servers.

So here is a mini rant from an amateur/hobbyist developer (me).

Over the past week, I've taken on a project that is much larger than any other projects i've attempted to handle (steam trading bot). This meant that there would be logic flaws, weird bugs due to unexpected behavior from shitty web apis (and their poor documentation hmmmm).

Anyhow, fast forward a few days and the code is complete. It's mostly functional, apart from a few glitches and unexpected behavior here and there...or so i thought. Apparently if someone trades and item to me that isnt in my pricegrid, the bot freaks out and kills itself, relaunches, and repeats this cycle (pm2). And i only found out about this on my way to school

So in desperation to fix such a critical flaw in my code (if my bot breaks a lot and doesnt accept trades, i can get banned from backpack.tf), i bust out my only device which is my phone, and start editing away (JuiceSSH and turbo client is godsend ty). 30 minutes later, after toiling through code with no indentation or syntax highlights (mobile pls), ive fixed it. So i push to live and alls well.

Then I arrive at school, pull out my laptop and decided to check up on my code to see if anything needs fixing.

Oh look in one line i used '||' instead of '&&'.

ok lets fix it.

ok lets push to live again.

I launched WinSCP to move the files onto the server, and just as the loading bar finishes and the file is overwritten, i realized; FUCK the code i had on my laptop wasnt the latest version i just worked on on my phone.

So that's that. 30 minutes of typing code without indentation and syntax highlighting on a 5 inch screen and it's all gone.

TLDR:
Version control is a must.

I'm starting an app open-source. Consists of an emergency "sonar", which you will publish notices and reply too with your connected peers. And I need suggestions and collabs. Can see on my GitHub: github.com/roqueando/konarium.io
Who is interested in helping in backend or frontend I started a workgroup on slack too, so here is the room: todevmore.slack.com
If you have a question, comment below I will reply.

Working on a CS370 (Software Engineering) project with 5 people; 2 of which feel like their time is more important than everyone else's so when we all meet as a group to go over presentations, documentation and other things we need to do as a group, they silently sit alone working on bits of code they should have done previously. Then when we can't get docs done and handed in on time, one of the two decides to spam our group chat at 2am when 2 of us are sleeping because we work in the morning, one of us is sleeping because of morning classes and the last one is doing god knows what. Like, I'm sorry. But failure to do your shit on time does not constitute an emergency on my shit. All of our weekly peer reviews reflect on how no matter what we say to these two; they refuse to work as a team.
!rant, more like dev hint
In a team, your time is not more important than team time. You can do things on your time whenever you want; but unless your entire team shares your schedule, team time might be a rare commodity and should be used as such.

Um working on the solution to eradicating escalating diseases application and web based application..... Have three sections: 1. Emergency
2. HIV/tb monitoring/ report
3. Public info.

Iam gud at writing and codes but not good at expressing myself.
.any innovative fellow dev that can add me another section that I need to consider....my projects mission is to fight against disease world wide....any contribution or new ideas ?

Anybody know how to create an app that will alert me via text message whenever my employer posts "emergency pop-ups" on the company's recorded line ?