*Romantic candlelit dinner*

GF: "What are you thinking about, my love?"

Me: "The chocolate custard always seems to behave differently under stress than vanilla. It has a lower base viscosity, but a similar shear thickening. I was wondering whether anyone has ever made a database of all custard brands and flavors together with their viscosities"

My brain: *Oh fuck, that's not what I'm supposed to say during a romantic dinner*

GF: "Do you wanna check whether we can find a cheap second hand viscometer.... wait.... no.... you'd need a rheometer for that, right? Do you think we could build one ourselves?"

Me: *blinks in awe*

Even after 15 years, I'm still just puzzled, she really fucking is my soulmate

I'd like to extend my heartfelt fuck-you to the following persons:

- The recruiter who told me that at my age I wouldn't find a job anymore: FUCK YOU, I'll send you my 55 birthday's cake candles, you can put all of them in your ass, with light on.

- The Project Manager that after 5 rounds of interviews and technical tests told me I didn't have enough experience for his project: be fucked in an Agile way by all member of your team, standing up, every morning for 15 minutes, and every 2 weeks by all stakeholders.

- The unemployment officer who advised me to take low level jobs, cut my expenses and salary expectations: you can cut your cock and suck it, so you'll stop telling bullshit to people

- The moron that gave me a monster technical assignment on Big Data, which I delivered, and didn't gave me any feedback: shove all your BIG DATA in your ass and open it to external integrations

- the architect who told me I should open my horizons, because I didn't like React: put a reactive mix in your ass and close it, so your shit will explode in your mouth

- the countless recruiter who used my cv to increase their db, offering fake jobs: print all your db on paper and stuff your ass with that, you'll see how big you will be

To all of them, really really fuck you.

It's 3:30AM and I'm working.

If you work at night, no one can interrupt you.
If you sleep during the day, you can't attend any zoom meetings.

Also, at night you can work naked, and drink on the job without any judgement.

All problems solved.

Took me a VERY stressful 3 months but I finally got a job!!!

Editor? VSCode.
IDE? IntelliJ.
Hotel? Trivago.

My 4yo monster just randomly told me:
"Mommy! One plus two plus three plus four plus five equals fifteen!"

I'm so proud.
And really surprised 🤔

I've been teaching him basic math (adding and subtracting numbers 0-20), but haven't gone beyond two operations / three numbers.

This is what I call a quick fix.

If (searchTerm == "coronavirus") {
return null;
}

It's those annoying bugs that keep you employed, not your university degree

Due to Coronavirus (COVID19) all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid handshake.

Looks like I’m getting fired 😶

God I'm fucking done for today.

We just finished a "Climate-conference-simulation" in school.

Basically ~90 students split into 6 groups representing a delegation of a country or a group of countries.

EU,
USA,
India,
China,
Other developing countries,
Other industrial countries

The target of our efforts was the reduction of global warming from ~4 C° by 2100 to around 2 C°.

My group (USA) elected me to speak and represent (I did kind of mimic the American stereotype of being egoistic and self centered, no offence intended)

As all the other nations and groups were planning great schemes, my group simply continued to put, well, basically rocks in their path by not playing along cause aforementioned stereotype.

It's the working phase after the second presentation of results, I'm sitting there with parts of the Chinese and EU delegation and suddenly two of my friends, in different groups, put my hood over my head, drag/carry me out of the assembly hall, toss me out and leave me there.

Was funny and all, but damn, it's fucking exhausting to stand in front of around 100 people (including teachers and stuff) and completely not play along with the other group's opinions and plans.

But hey, I've been congratulated a lot of times cause I've perfectly stayed in my role.

Yes it was weird

*Manager enters the room quickly*

Manager: Coffe2Code, we have a serious problem on the application, (We are working on a chat app).

Me: What? now just few hours before the Demo?, what is it?

Manager: when I send or receive a media message (audio or video) the sound is not playing, the file seems like corrupted !

Me: that's strange, let me debug it and see.

*Me spending an hour and could not even reproduce the bug..*

Me: Boss, I cannot see the bug, can I debug on your device quickly?

Manager: Sure, here it is.

Me: hold the fucking device, press VOLUME UP, IT WAS FUCKING MUTE. THERE WAS NO ISSUE MOTHERFUCKER.

Manager, oups ok good no issue then, thanks

Turns out I got paid mostly for deleting code in a year 2019.

Imagine liking shitposts

Did happen to me 😂

"It is not daily increase but daily decrease; hack away the unessential." - Bruce Lee

Node workout
Server gains

Hahahaha

The company behind ads on dutch national news sites/tv stations is stopping with tracking ads.

The interesting reason behind that IMO is that they have this very simple 'banner' which asks in a very understandable way whether people want (or not) tracking shit/cookies placed/loaded on their browser.

Apparently 90% of all visitors go for the "No" option so they don't see the point in continuing to try it anymore.

Awesome!

More Timezones

oh no! my greatest nemesis!

My girlfriend gifted me this custom made mug on my birthday

This is what happens when you hire a philosophy major.

Devranters’ dream here in Tel-Aviv

Software engineer

When our sales guy came by for the 200000000000th time on a day to boast about how good he advised someone on a sales related matter.

Mate, we're Linux engineers and currently trying to fix shit up so why don't you get yourself a cup of shut the fuck up.

Mobile app dev here 🙋‍♂️

Guy at work asking me why his phone feels heavier then mine (we have the same phones)

I just told him that his phone gets heavier with every apps he installs.

1 week later he meets me outside the office and tells me he deleted a lot of apps and his phone is actually lighter know.

Sometimes I just want to cry 😂😂😂

Got my first job as a sysadmin at 13 years old

Pushed to master on a Friday!

I'm seeing my baby son tomorrow