She runs C shells by the seashore

At least they were real though...

90s - We will use AI to cure cancer in the future..
2017 -

Dear team,

Train people well enough so they can leave

Treat them well enough so they don't want to

Regards,
A member of dev team

I missed the opportunity to use this when I took a Word/PowerPoint/Access class in high school. 🤷

Always include special characters

Apple has Air
Amazon has Fire
Google has Earth
Microsoft should really create something called Water

When you think that you can control your mother.

Me: Mom sudo make me a sandwich.
Her: You fool I'm a Windows user

When you accidentally merged two git branches of different repositories.

Nothing ruins your Friday night more than realising it's only Thursday.

Dammit.

Interviewer: what leadership experience do you have

Me: 3 years experience in an administration position

Interviewer: Good, where?

Me: in a WhatsApp group

Millennials

Why is PHP so amazing? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I noticed that urban dictionary didn't have a definition for devRant.

So I posted one.

And it got rejected ):

*Bawls like a baby*

To the four people who will read this, if you're remotely close to being interested, let me know, I'll post it here.

Fixed this assholes phone for her... she proceeds to take the phone and say “thanks for fixing it, it was kind of you to do it for free!”

Uhm, ex-fucking-cuse me?! I run a business, not a god damned charity.

She got me my fucking money.

Website: We care about your privacy and don't sell your information to third parties.

*inspects Privacy Badger*
*notices a truckload of Google/facebook trackers/ad thingies*

Yeah why don't you go fuck yourself.

🤔
sql - Syntax error near '*entire sql command*'
😑

Well, I don't have much to say.... Just FUCK U Stack Overflow...

I found this while I was lazily internetting and my first thought was 'okay, that's most definitely a hack!'.

Someone has actually built a hack for all the world to see!

Client: When I hit the “Subscribe” button, it gives me an error.
Me: What’s the error message?
Client: The email field is required.
Me: Have you entered your email before hitting the “Subscribe” button.
Client: Oh, I have enter my email address?
Me: Yes

English is a very complicated language.

TEXT
I mean I write basically all my programs in text...

A possibile interview answer

So today I found out I'm a Senior Developer. Was I told nope. Just found it on my contact details on the company address book. Ask boss about it he said yes I am. Would have been nice to have been told I was promoted...

I swore that a year was = to 12 months

So this fucking happened today.

Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*

Me: *opens issue*

"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"

Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*

"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"

Me: *looks at error message*

"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".

😐 😶 😦

Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*

Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*

"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"

Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫

Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.

There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.

Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.

In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.

I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.

Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦‍♂️

I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.

He left class with a priceless look on his face.

One time a company I worked for tried to fuck me over and not pay me the referral fee that was promised for referring an employee. They hired the person I referred for a position that was advertised as having a referral fee paid after 6 months.

After the 6 months were up, I went in to HR to ask when I could expect to see the money, and they said “oh, you’re not eligible to receive the referral bonus because we hired so and so as a contractor (full-time) instead of an actual full-time employee.” And I was like... fuck that shit, they never mentioned that to me and I didn’t burn a referral lead so they could hire the person as a contractor and avoid paying me the advertised fee. I was absolutely livid and couldn’t believe it after I had been expecting this money for 6 months.

I felt cheated and none of my colleagues at the company could believe they’d stoop so low to not pay a highly-valued employee an advertised referral bonus. I had lots of battles with management over it, and eventually ended up with a portion of the promised fee, but not the whole thing.

Me on Google: how to run node.js.....

Girlfriend shoulder surfing: wtf? Why do you want to run nude?

Exception caught

Manager: Write a function to get tomorrow's date.

Kids:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
return getCurrentDate() + 1;
}

Legends:

int getTomorrowsDate() {
sleep(1000*60*60*24);
return getCurrentDate();
}

my girlfriend knows how to work with linux based systems and she does not like apple products. She's the one!