Client: I want to go to the moon!

Me: Sure thing! I will build you a rocket.

Client: But I want you to build me a car.

Me: A car can not take you to the moon.

Client: Build me a car.

Me: OK.

Bugs everywhere....

User experience: -100

Enter site

"U must disable adblock to use this site"

Ok adblock disabled

Refresh page

"CLICK HERE TO FUCK THIS FUCKIN HOT HENTAI BITCH IN THE PUSSY WITH HER BIG FUCKIN JUICY TITS AND BIG ASS AND EXPERIENCE THE BEST SEX VIRTUAL GAME OF YOUR LIFE IN THIS AD"

Margin-right : -20px

Also this

So true 💡

One does not simply uninstall visual studio...one has to first update the installer

"And on the eighth day God said 'Let there be 4G LTE.' He looked at the 4G LTE and he was pleased."

I know sex is cool but have you ever entered BIOS with only one key press?!

The end

Never tell anybody that you know how to code...

Knock Knock. Multi-threading. Who's there?

A Life Fact!

Yooo, we got the new 420 Linux Kernel!

You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!

Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!

This is hilarious 😂😂

The joys and sadnesses of being a Teaching Assistant also include witnessing and sending half of the students taking the course to the Exam Committee when they all copied the same code from StackOverflow. At least I don't have to correct their assignments ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"please wait 5 seconds 'till you can continue with the call" *additional charges apply

Please wait for Windows to finish fucking up your system before powering it off

When your code is a mess but still works

If there was one thing (and one thing only) that I wish was unanimous amongst programmers (and that we all agreed on) is that a tab is 4 spaces.

Windows vs Linux: Unresponsive applications.
(Avoid the gates of hell, use Linux)

Boss: "If I double-click this button, the modal it opens flicker once for 0.00001 seconds?!?!?!?"

Me: "Ya... It opens two modals. It doesn't break anything, it looks normal except the flickering"

Boss: "It's no good!"

Me: "I've got a solution; don't fucking double click. It's a fucking website."

Boss: "IT'S NOT A WEBSITE. IT'S A SYSTEM"

Me: "It's a fucking website" *Exits room, trying not to strangle the boss".

Woke up early. Feel great. Even office coffee tastes great. Today is going to be a good day.

Lead QA: - Hey I'm fixing some stuff in production, and now I can't reach it. Do you have the same problem?

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY, GO FIX YOUR OWN PROBLEM CUNT.

COFFEE TASTES FUCKING GREAT.

My friend said an intern designed this UI for an internal site.

No. Just... no

Found this in our codebase, apparently one of my co-workers had written this

"The server is flooded!"

"With requests? DDoS?"

"No."

Start my new job next week, and just got an email from them asking if I prefer Windows 7 or Ubuntu for my work machine!

I think I'll like it there

"everyone can code" is like to say "everyone can write". Yes, everyone can write, but there's a difference between be able to write and be able to write a successful well-written novel