r/ProgrammerHumor

Windows is ready to install!
And I'm ready to fuck you up you little cunt
Fucking miss Linux man

Dude seriously!!!!! I feel sometimes.. how did they gain so knowledge man!!!!!

No Wonder this is going to crash!!

I’m a mobile developer, iOS is my main platform. When I work for local clients, from Serbia and region, in most cases I get design by Android standards, Android native features etc, and they usually don’t have understanding for changing to iOS native features and that is just ugly, less quality UX and frustrating. In my region Android is main platform. Does anyone have this kind of problems? Is this happening at your place? Please share your experience, it will help me a lot with mine fights with windmills!

Sorry, I burned out! 😂

I've always thought the "can you hack my facebook accout?" rants a little exaggerated.

Then it happened to me twice.

For fuck's sake, is that damn social media site so ingrained in your puny little brain that you can't ask me something else? Is "what do you program" not the more obvious question?

I'm really close to just quitting coding all together. This job is sucking the life out of me. I've lost my interest in code and the idea that there are better jobs out there.

My "boss" who's not even really my boss but behaves like he is, is micromanaging my every tag, and is an information hog. He doesn't document, he doesn't tell me anything, I've been here six months and still don't know half of what I need to know to do my job properly!

I'm expected to implement a new responsive design, but we don't have design specifications.
Cool, you'd think, new ideas, complete overhaul! Let's get a good foundation in bootstrap going!

WRONG! It needs to fit in with the old, fuck- ugly pre 2000 design.

Not because of any design constraints in particular, but because HE wants it that way. You know what was fucking trendy in 2000? Tables. Tables fucking everywhere. YOU KNOW WHAT TABLES ARE NOT? RESPONSIVE YOU FUCKING ICE LOLLY CHEWER!

We have no development timeline, no process management, no fucking project management. THE FUCKING PASSWORDS WERE STILL STORED IN PLAIN TEXT UNTIL LAST MONTH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BANANA DEEPTHROATER! 😤😤😤😤😤😤

I'm doing my best here to get something resembling the old page, but there needs to be some fucking compromise! We are in fucking 2017, let's work with Bootstrap instead of against it, how about that you fucking bald cactus!

I know enough about UI to know that the way we're going, this is just going to be another unusable fucking clusterfuck.

YOU KNOW THE BEST FUCKING PART? I'M A FUCKING BACKEND DEV AND I WAS HIRED AS SUCH! GIVE ME A DESIGN TEMPLATE AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO IMPLEMENT IT, BUT FUCK YOU FOR EXPECTING FRONT END LEVEL DESIGN KNOWLEDGE YOU DUMB FUCKING SPAGHETTI!

Am I the only one who thinks win7 is better than win10 ?

Coding at its finest

Another dev on my team just got a new machine. Before he came in today I made two separate USB installers and left him these notes.

This genius made his very own super-flexible-and-versatile-never-seen-before-mvc-framework, with no documentation about the code, instead of just donwloading and implementing a popular one.

He left the company.

I maintain it.

Fell my pain.

Getting a new laptop is exhausting if you haven't been keeping up with the technology. I have purchased three laptops in the last two weeks returning the first two after spending 10 + hours each installing updates and software just to find out they didn't work for what I needed.

Client: There is currently no way for us to save forms to “the cloud” (yes they actually put the cloud in quotes)

Me: That would be because this software is installed on your onsite server infrastructure and is not cloud hosted in any way.

Microsoft is just one big fucking virus

So my new toys just arrived in the mail today :) Time for an overhaul of the home network!

Just found this awesome font!

https://tylerfinck.com/shop/...

Came into work this morning to find someone had scarred my Mac monitor with this symbol of hate

An engineer was working on a windows server. Needed to partition something so typed 'part' in the windows search thingy (windows 10).

Few results found:
Participation laws
Part time working
Partial (something)

Engineer: Jesus fucking Christ I just want the FUCKING partitioner, windows what the actual fuck.

Sorry fam... Just because I was a devOps in my last job doesn't mean you will get the sun and the moon when asked. Let's talk realistic solutions with resources.

4 stages of using VIM:

1. Survive
2. Fell Comfortable
3. Feel Better, Stronger, Faster
4. Use Super-powers of VIM

My boss hate TOR, and so does many of my colleagues

Today, I am testing their faith in me

Got this today 😍 It's not in the best condition, but meh, got it for free with a charger and everything.

Stupid Windows Update back at it again with the Fall Creator's Update. More like Fail Creator's Update. My poor laptop took it too hard and the built-in mobile hotspot feature is currently bugged and not working, with the ICS service in task manager stuck at 100% you usage. Restore to previous version or not to restore to previous version? That my friends is the question. *picks up Ubuntu 17.10 live disk*

Received my new mechanical keyboard from Amazon today. It feels so much better than our standard company Dell keyboard. And it looks so great. Also it has nice LEDs with several modes. Love it

So my Lenovo X230 with 16gb Ram arrived!

Finally I can run QubesOS on a Laptop without worrying about compatibility

!rant && story

tl;dr I lost my path, learned to a lot about linux and found true love.

So because of the recent news about wpa2, I thought about learning to do some things network penetration with kali. My roommate and I took an old 8gb usb and turned it into a bootable usb with persistent storage. Maybe not the best choice, but atleast we know how to do that now.

Anyway, we started with a kali.iso from 2015, because we thought it would be faster than downloading it with a 150kpbs connection. Learned a lot from that mistake while waiting apt-get update/upgrade.

Next day I got access to some faster connection, downloaded a new release build and put the 2015 version out it's misery. Finally some signs of progress. But that was not enough. We wanted more. We (well atleast I) wanted to try i3, because one of my friends showed me to /r/unixporn (btw, pornhub is deprecated now). So after researching what i3 is, what a wm is AND what a dm is, we replaced gdm3 with lightdm and set i3 as standard wm. With the user guide on an other screen we started playing with i3. Apparently heaven is written with two characters only. Now I want to free myself from windows and have linux (Maybe arch) as my main system, but for now we continue to use thus kali usb to learn about how to set uo a nice desktop environment. Wait, why did we choose to install kali? 😂

I feel kinda sorry for that, but I want to experiment on there before until I feel confident. (Please hit me up with tips about i3)

Still gotta use Windows as a subsystem for gaming. 😥

When she's into IT

When your boss learns how to use StackOverflow

Wth Windows !!! How can you start updating when I explicitly specified I am on a metered connection. Fucking exhausted my mobile data.