analysing a database problem and writing a 4-line fix: 5 minutes.

preparing a foolproof manual for the manager on how to apply the fix: 15 minutes

writing a manager-level explanation what the fix does: 30 minutes.

explaining it to the manager: 30 minutes.

writing a _detailled_ explanation why we need the fix: 60 minutes.

explaining it to the manager again: 30 minutes.

figuring out why our progress is slow:

_priceless_

fucking piece of garbage postman!

WHY THE HELL do you auto-update yourself when i explicitly DISABLED updates?

why the hell is it just a "minor" update to switch to a version that FORCES you to have an account, even if all you do is use offline features?

and why is there no option to disable syncing your data to their server, even if it's not needed at all? YALL EVER HEARD OF A THING CALLED PRIVACY?

and why the fucking fuck of all fucked fucks DO YOU DELETE MY PREVIOUS OFFLINE DATA SO I CAN'T EVEN CONTINUE WORKING BY INSTALLING AN OLDER VERSION?!?

some dumb-piece-of-garbage-waste-of-oxygen managers decision to screw their userbase cost me several HOURS(!) of work already and probably will cost some more due to the lost collections.

Can we stop that trend of only showing the username field and then show the password field after filling the username clicking next? It messes with my Keepass browser addon.
Apart from that, it messes with human workflow as well. Enter Username -> TAB -> Enter Password -> ENTER. With that stupid UI you have to either focus the next button with Tab and hope hitting Enter does not already submit the login form or switch to mouse and click the Next button.

Why is laravel so poorly documented? Take \Illuminate\Mail\Mailer::send() as example. The third parameter is a callback. Nothing more. No info in the docblock what that callback does, when it is called or what the signature looks like. You have to go into the code and hope to find it out without climbing through a dozen classes.

If they are so sparse with the information in the docblock, they can leave it away completely.

Who makes monitors which can only change the input if there is a signal on the currently selected input?

Monitor on -> VGA -> No signal -> Going to sleep

Like, let me change it to something which has a signal instead of directly going to sleep again?

Things nobody asked for: Yet another Slack redesign.

FFS keep the design stable, I like to remember where shit is. Stop moving it around every three months.

Dev: Your PR only addresses a quarter of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now 1/2 of the ticket is addressed and creates a new PR for a separate ticket*

Dev: Your original PR only addresses half of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now 3/4 of the ticket is addressed and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR only addresses 3/4 of the ticket

Dev2: *limps a commit so that now all of the ticket is addressed but two new bugs are introduced and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR introduces 2 new bugs

Dev2: *limps a commit addressing one of the two new bugs and creates a new PR for ANOTHER new ticket*

Dev: Your original PR still has one bu—

Manager: WOW GOOD JOB DEV2 THAT’S 5 PRs TODAY AMAZING! Dev you need to pickup the pace, you only have 2 PRs so far today. And get these PRs from Dev2 QA’d fast. He’s a rockstar!

Dev: …

*The 4 other PRs turned out to be equally dogshit*

Manager: Hey hurry up with QA, you’re holding Dev2 back!

Dev: …

Gave the marketing team access to JIRA and gave them permissions to create tickets. Don’t know if that was a management’s design or what. Tickets were poorly written and I had to make frequent follow ups to figure out what the heck was actually being requested. I did get accused of “questioning the request” at least once. It was a big WTF because I think marketing thought they managed dev team but they didn’t.

Marketing also didn’t give a damn about agile processes despite being told some simple rules, such as don’t change your ticket details after a dev has already begun work on it. I would pick up a ticket thinking it’s just html and css updates, then it would change to include an api update. No no no. You’ve just turned a 1 day ticket into a 1 week ticket. I don’t have time for these shenanigans.

I would also submit tickets for code review and marketing would say it’s not ready for review. Then why was that ticket in the to do column for the past two days?! They couldn’t make a decision and would submit revisions every single day.

And they would think devs could do everything. No, never assume the front end dev can pick up back end tasks.

No one on dev team really cared because we were all looking for new jobs anyway. The company was planning to lay us off in a year. Every month a dev gave notice and left.

That is peak security:
- Require timebased OTP for login
- Also require recaptcha for login
- Select the frickin bus, palm tree and cross walk 93 times
- Finally manage to please the algorithm
- The 30 second validity window of TOTP expired

*GAAH!*

You know what I envy Americans about? Your .gov domain.
It is so difficult here to detect if the website is honest or a scam because our government is too dense to put all their sites as subdomains of one trusted domain. Like dod.country.tld for the department of defense or justice.ministry.country.tld for the ministry of justice.
No, these idiots buy ministry-of-justice.tld, because no scammer ever could conceive the idea of buying ministryofjustice.tld to host a scam site.

At least publish an up2date list with domains I can trust.

It really grinds my gears if colleagues from non-technical departments attempt to use technical terms but use them wrong. It might be gatekeeping but please, use a technical term if you are confident you are using it correctly. Otherwise use layman's words. Using technical terms incorrectly sends our brains down the wrong road and we have to make a mental U turn. And you sound like a masterhacker from a TV show or movie.

3 SQL Databases went into a NoSQL Bar.
After a while, they walked out because
.
.
They couldn't find tables there.

Client: "I did not receive the email that should be send after that event. Please fix."
Me:
* Checks code - ok
* Tests feature in locally - ok
* Tests feature in production - ok
* checks values in database - ok
* 2 hours wasted - ok
"Please help me dear CTO, idk what else I could check or how I should even respond to this."
CTO: "hmm, the clients account uses a adminstrative email address for testing. Let me just check if it is in the mailbox."
*checks* "Yeah, that's the email you're looking for, right?"
Me: *experiences relief, anger, blood lust and disappointment at the same time* "Could you please respond to the client for me, I need a break. Thanks"

What happens when you talk to clients.

I had enough of these "Recruiters" bugging me and decided to reply

Fucking take a minute read the god-damn description of the profile to see if they have those skills mentioned at-least

"You got hit by a directory server."

or

"You got slapd"

Can companies please check their address policy for consistency before implementing some bullshit constraints? Literally happened minutes ago:

Me: __enters address "city"__
Website: Hey, I auto-correct your city to "City (Region)"
Me: __submits form__
Website: Whoa there, you can't enter braces in your city name!

Outlook just thinks it's smart by removing "extra linebreaks".
It's not like we had a special thought in mind as we formatted the plaintext mail as we did.
There is certainly no reason why we choose to break after exactly that word.
Outlook is much smarter than us, so we should be grateful for its insight. NOT.

And now we have to instruct customers to click the correct banner to display the linebreaks as they were sent.

And HTML is not an option in this use case.

We are soo sorry we missed you last Saturday night a bit before eleven.
We will try again to deliver your parcel, another day (or night).

Maybe. Maybe not.

Shower thought:

The anti-procrastination-technique "If it only takes five minutes or less, do it right now" is basically "Shortest Job First" for Real Life

Can we please make it a mandatory lesson in CS studies and related education that "No hello" is a thing?
I'm fine with greeting me before you state a question, that is polite. But it is impolite to send a DM "Hello $username" and then begin to type your three paragraph question while the other person waits for you.
Just use Shift-Enter and send it all in one message, the app supports long-ass messages!

What is the purpose of using MongoDB and then adding mongoose?
If you want schemas, relations and all the jazz mongoose offers, have you considered using a RDBMS instead of a datapile system? Most (probably all) SQL databases support schemas, relations and all the jazz you seem to need.

So, ask yourself: Do you really need the functionality of a NoSQL database or do you just want it because it's shiny and new and "everybody uses it (tm)"?

I opened an issue on a repo telling the owner that placing a "test passing" badge on the readme but not having other tests than an "ExampleTest" and no tests of the actual functionality is bad practice and what he thinks about updating the readme.

The result was a deletion (not close) of the issue and a ban from contributing (issues, PRs) on any of his projects.

And it was not some small "ten persons use this" project but a large boilerplate project with 2.4k github stars and over 800 forks. You would expect a little bit more professionalism of someone with that popularity.

The Electron App Experience

App name: Text editor
Requirements: 64GB Ram, 1TB storage space.

Probably old but made me laugh way more than it should have XD

My code broke for no reason.
I added a log statement to see why.
*tests code*
It worked....
What the 何?!

Well said. Well said indeed.

You know a devOps/sysadmin is doing their job and a good one when you dont need them

Customer: IT is completely useless! I’m getting PORN ADS on my work computer!? This is ridiculous!!!

Friend: Oh that’s not good, perhaps your computer has a virus of some sort let me take a look!

Friend takes a look and sees that the porn ads were all provided by google ad service, they weren’t related to a virus.

Friend: so, you don’t have a virus, but so that you know google gathers metrics on the sites you visit so that it can target ads at you better. Looks like that’s what’s happening here.

Customer: .............

Who the fuck invented the glorified pile of shit people call laravel? Is this actually used in PROD for anything else than load testing a monitoring server by creating loads of error messages?
OOP exists for a reason, not to create bazillions of classes with static methods.
Dump that shit ffs!