D: “Did the attackers exfiltrate any data?”

M: “I can’t say for sure, but most likely based on—”

D: “—but did you find any undeniable evidence of it?”

M: “Keep in mind that the absence of evidence isn’t necessarily evidence of absence. There was very limited logging to begin with and the attacker erased artifacts and logs.”

D: “If there’s no evidence, then there was no exfiltration.”

M: “If a business doesn’t have cameras on its front door and then gets robbed, it can’t claim there was no robbery just because they didn’t video-record it.”

D: “That’s a poor analogy. Nothing’s missing here. I couldn’t care less if a robber made a *copy* of my money. That isn’t robbery.”

M: “... If the Titanic really hit an iceberg, then how come no pieces of an iceberg were ever found in the wreckage?”

Some guy my girlfriend knows, heard I'm a software developer. He had this 'great' idea on how he wanted to start a new revolutionary way of paying on the internet. He wanted to create a service like paypal but without having the hassle of logging in first and going through a transaction. He wanted a literal "buy now" button on every major webshop on the internet. When I asked him how he thought that would work legally and security wise, he became a bit defensive and implied that since I'm the tech guy I should work out that kind of stuff. When the software was ready, he would have clients lined up for the service and his work would start.

I politely declined this great opportunity

Hoorah! My code finally works! Now gotta remove those 1000 print statements I used to identify the bugs 😥

** The most hilarious authentication implementation I've ever seen **

They stored password in cleartext, but never mind, this is sadly quite common.
For some reasons credentials were also case insensitive (maybe to avoid silly tickets from CAPS LOCK lovers?).

Then I had a look to the query executed during the login:
SELECT * FROM users WHERE username LIKE ? AND password LIKE ?;

So I tried logging in with user "admin" and password "%"... and it worked!
I laughed all the day.

So my friend has two-step authentication for his smartphone.

Now he is not able to find his phone.

So, he tried to find his phone by logging into his google account via Android Device Manager.

Now, it is asking for the authentication pin which is in his phone.😂

He just got deadlocked.

My brother logging in to my facebook to post "i m gayy".

Things were simpler back then.

My classmate just fell for a phishing email from "PayPal."

She was talking about her payment being declined to her friend.

It peaked my attention when she said after logging in, she was lead to a blank page.

I asked if I could see it and it was definitely a phishing email

I will admit, it's one of the most professional phishing email I've ever seen, but the grammar wasn't very professional and the PayPal logo wasn't completely accurate.

Why do these idiots fall for everything?

After several months of bug fixing, I can proudly say the application I inherited at work has gone a whole day in production without an unhandled exception (from a peak of above 1200 a few months ago).

Well, either that or I've broken the error logging and am now living in blissful ignorance.

Alright. This one's interesting.

We were building an android application which had some heavy lifting. Boss asked why app lags on his device but runs fine on other devices of same make.

The bug made no sense. The same code, same hardware, same os, everything same, except Boss's device had a thick protective case.

I stopped checking app logs and instead started logging thermal logs. And voila! It was CPU throttling at 70°C.

All i did was remove the cover and done.
Proudest bug solved without code.

Story.
Did you know logging into chrome will auto sync all your fucking bookmarks to that other person's account??
I DIDN'T!!
(I use Firefox mainly and chromium for testing.)
I use chrome only for porn. Got shit tons of bookmarks. I login to my friend's sister Gmail on my chrome(for remote desktop - to help fix her computer. Somehow,remote desktop doesn't work on chromium)
Was browsing her pc via remote session and suddenly all of my porn bookmarks appear at the top bar.)
Had to manually select each bookmark in the bookmark manager and delete since CTRL+A won't work during the remote session. Don't know why.
FML.

I'm logging my DevRant time as training ... I read all these dumb things that people do, and make mental notes so that I don't do the same thing. Best. Training. Ever.

Worst thing you've seen another dev do? Long one, but has a happy ending.

Classic 'Dev deploys to production at 5:00PM on a Friday, and goes home.' story.

The web department was managed under the the Marketing department, so they were not required to adhere to any type of coding standards and for months we fought with them on logging. Pre-Splunk, we rolled our own logging/alerting solution and they hated being the #1 reason for phone calls/texts/emails every night.

Wanting to "get it done", 'Tony' decided to bypass the default logging and send himself an email if an exception occurred in his code.

At 5:00PM on a Friday, deploys, goes home.

Around 11:00AM on Sunday (a lot folks are still in church at this time), the VP of IS gets a call from the CEO (who does not go to church) about unable to log into his email. VP has to leave church..drive home and find out he cannot remote access the exchange server. He starts making other phone calls..forcing the entire networking department to drive in and get email back up (you can imagine not a group of happy people)

After some network-admin voodoo, by 12:00, they discover/fix the issue (know it was Tony's email that was the problem)

We find out Monday that not only did Tony deploy at 5:00 on a Friday, the deployment wasn't approved, had features no one asked for, wasn't checked into version control, and the exception during checkout cost the company over $50,000 in lost sales.

Was Tony fired? Noooo. The web is our cash cow and Tony was considered a top web developer (and he knew that), Tony decided to blame logging. While in the discovery meeting, Tony told the bosses that it wasn't his fault logging was so buggy and caused so many phone calls/texts/emails every night, if he had been trained properly, this problem could have been avoided.

Well, since I was responsible for logging, I was next in the hot seat.

For almost 30 minutes I listened to every terrible thing I had done to Tony ever since he started. I was a terrible mentor, I was mean, I was degrading, etc..etc.
Me: "Where is this coming from? I barely know Tony. We're not even in the same building. I met him once when he started, maybe saw him a couple of times in meetings."
Andrew: "Aren't you responsible for this logging fiasco?"
Me: "Good Lord no, why am I here?"
Andrew: "I'll rephrase so you'll understand, aren't you are responsible for the proper training of how developers log errors in their code? This disaster is clearly a consequence of your failure. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Me: "Nothing. Developers are responsible for their own choices. Tony made the choice to bypass our logging and send errors to himself, causing Exchange to lockup and losing sales."
Andrew: "A choice he made because he was not properly informed of the consequences? Again, that is a failure in the proper use of logging, and why you are here."
Me: "I'm done with this. Does John know I'm in here? How about you get John and you talk to him like that."
'John' was the department head at the time.
Andrew:"John, have you spoken to Tony?"
John: "Yes, and I'm very sorry and very disappointed. This won't happen again."
Me: "Um...What?"
John: "You know what. Did you even fucking talk to Tony? You just sit in your ivory tower and think your actions don't matter?"
Me: "Whoa!! What are you talking about!? My responsibility for logging stops with the work instructions. After that if Tony decides to do something else, that is on him."
John: "That is not how Tony tells it. He said he's been struggling with your logging system everyday since he's started and you've done nothing to help. This behavior ends today. We're a fucking team. Get off your damn high horse and help the little guy every once in a while."
Me: "I don't know what Tony has been telling you, but I barely know the guy. If he has been having trouble with the one line of code to log, this is the first I've heard of it."
John: "Like I said, this ends today. You are going to come up with a proper training class and learn to get out and talk to other people."

Over the next couple of weeks I become a powerpoint wizard and 'train' anyone/everyone on the proper use of logging. The one line of code to log. One line of code.

A friend 'Scott' sits close to Tony (I mean I do get out and know people) told me that Tony poured out the crocodile tears. Like cried and cried, apologizing, calling me everything but a kitchen sink,...etc. It was so bad, his manager 'Sally' was crying, her boss 'Andrew', was red in the face, when 'John' heard 'Sally' was crying, you can imagine the high levels of alpha-male 'gotta look like I'm protecting the females' hormones flowing.

Took almost another year, Tony released a change on a Friday, went home, web site crashed (losses were in the thousands of $ per minute this time), and Tony was not let back into the building on Monday (one of the best days of my life).

So Nvidia doesn't let you use their GeForce Experience app anymore without logging in.
*Uninstalled*
Fuck that, I don't want to login so I can see an FPS counter in my ganes or record them to my local disk or something like that... Fuck you Nvidia and fuck whoever decided that would be a good idea.

Boss asked one of our senior Linux engineers to look into an issue. When restarting a service, the person renting the server would get the errors e-mailed which occurred during the restart (it wasn't reachable so the service trying to reach it would throw errors).

Although this was very expected behavior, the client found it unacceptable! Boss asked the engineer to look into this while acknowledging that it was probably an impossible task except for if you'd just disable logging but then all debug info would be gone which we frequently use to debug stuff ourselves.

After two minutes:

E (engineer): fixed it.
V (boss): wait, WHAT? HOW?! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A FIX OR WORKAROUND FOR AGES!
E (with the mist nonchalant/serious face): I disabled the log mailing in the configuration.
B: 😶
B: .
B: .
B: .
B: 😂

Everyone was laughing. The client thanked us for 'solving' it xD

We're having an ongoing credential stuffing attack right now. Hackers hit us hard over the weekend and the web team sent out an email congratulating themselves that they stopped the threat.

I decided to look to see how they "fixed" the issue.

They modified their code to stop logging the errors to prevent Splunk from sending the automated emails to management (how we have been able to spot/monitor the attack).

They literally just put their heads in the sand, stapled a sign to their ass that reads "Meteor? We see no meteor approaching. Everything is fine."

Fucking wix advertisements! Getting real tired of the "want a website? Why not make it yourself?" ads. You're already logging all my fucking google searches to display relevant ad info so maybe wrap your head around the fact that I'm a web dev and make my own fucking sites??

Death Sentence for devs who won't let you unsubscribe from newsletters without logging in

I literally cringed today when my neighbor wanted help installing an app, she didn't tell me it was her banking app... And the thing I needed to help with was logging in... So she told me her bank details...

Even though I said (multiple times) it was dangerous to do so, and that she can't just trust people with this kind of information...

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GOD DAMN STUPID WHEN IT COMES TO SECURITY!

Boss: "Yeah we have a logging project coming up that has to be done in C" Me: "I know C, I can give some pointers on that"

Day 1 10:00 am
Login to email account (Zimbra)
Your password is incorrect (I entered it correctly, this was a permanent issue ,used to happen in the company with many employees)
Reset your password by logging into internal company portal.

11:00 am
Logged into company portal, somehow. 2 Mbps internet shared among 104 people, you can imagine the speed.
Reset email password
* your password has been sent to your email id*
Are you fucking kidding me? U have emailed me the password to the same email I can't log in to?
Where did the architecture designer get this top notch weed from?

Day 2
Asked HR to reset my password (using a colleague's email)

Day 3
No reply from HR yet

Day 4
I went to meet HR, she's on vacation. So they have 1 person managing the password reset, for 5000 people with no backup person. Cool.

Day 5
Your internal company password has expired. Check your email for link to create new password. This is some next level shit going on.

Day 6
I called up Internal IT team to generate a new email for me.
They asked me to raise a ticket.
I can't raise a ticket because the only way to do so, is through the portal.

Day 7
Nothing. Btw, personal email and all social networks were banned. You can't even open stackoverflow.
And this was a research lab, amazing huh?

Day 8
Loss of pay for 4 days since I can't login to company portal to fill timesheet.

Day 9
HR comes back. Resets my password.
I try to generate my new password for portal.
The password policy:
Password can't be same as last 10 passwords
Passwords expire every week
8 characters minimum, 2 upper case, 2 lower case, NO SPECIAL SYMBOL. WTF. How long do u think its gonna take to crack that?

Fuckers had a company wise policy to automatically lock PC every 1 min if not used. Who the fuck can keep on using it continuously! I'm reading an article, and bam ! Locked. 2 wrong entries and that's it, repeat all steps again. Fuckers really didn't want to let me do my job, just keep on logging in all day.

Yes, you fucking retards, I will read this article about logging in NodeJS when the cover photo

- Isn't JavaScript
- Isn't about logging

You really seem to know what you're talking about!

I now know another person's password without even wanting to.

He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.

1234567890

I don't even know what to say.

ANTI VIRUSES AREN'T ALWAYS YOUR FRIEND!

So I'm under a little pressure to get an assignment done so I came home an was planning on working on it but Windows had other plans and decided to finish its update which I suspect copied my hard drive and uploaded it to the NSA at dial up speed because it it forever!!

But anyway back to the text in caps lock... I started working on it then when I hit compile I got an "access denied" error in the console and didn't know what the f*** was going on. So I decided to copy my filed to another directory and tried again... amazingly this worked so I carried on and after about 2 hours I get the same error -_- So instead of messing around and loosing my work I decided to commit it... but I cant... again "access denied" error.

After threatening my computer with a trip out the window, I finally decided to reboot it... cause "have you tried turning it off and on again" kept on rattling in my head.

After logging in I tried again and still the same error... Then I opened up my anti virus dashboard and went through the logs and found the screen shot attached.....

I used to work as an all-in-one IT guy in a company. One day I got a call from our HR team and the HR said "my Internet banking account has been hacked! It's logging in automatically!!" So I went to see the issue, and the so called "hack" was because she allowed Mozilla Firefox to save her login credentials, and because of that the login form was automatically filled. Such a stupid ass

We found out today that one of our customers uses our cloud software through a remote desktop with IE on Windows XP. What the fuck? They are a multinational corporation with God knows how much revenue a year, and they still use XP???
We found out because logging in didn't work anymore for them, so they sent a screenshot. 😶

This is from my days of running a rather large (for its time) Minecraft server. A few of our best admins were given access to the server console. For extra security, we also had a second login stage in-game using a command (in case their accounts were compromised). We even had a fairly strict password strength policy.
But all of that was defeated by a slightly too stiff SHIFT key. See, in-game commands were typed in chat, prefixed with a slash -- SHIFT+7 on German-ish keyboards. And so, when logging in, one of our head admins didn't realize his SHIFT key didn't register and proudly broadcast to the server "[Admin] username: 7login hisPasswordHere".
This was immediately noticed by the owner of a 'rival' server who was trying to copy some cool thing that we had. He jumped onto the console that he found in an nmap scan a week prior (a scan that I detected and he denied), promoted himself to admin and proceeded to wreak havoc.
I got a call, 10-ish minutes later, that "everything was literally on fire". I immediately rolled everything back (half-hourly backups ftw) and killed the console just in case.
The best part was the Skype call with that admin that followed. I wasn't too angry, but I did want him to suffer a little, so I didn't immediately tell him that we had good backups. He thought he'd brought the downfall of our server. I'm pretty sure he cried.

My dad used to be a Marketing Manager. He used to make a lot of presentations et al for his meetings. We got our first computer in our house when I was around 7 years old. It was first Windows 95, but I wasn't fortunate enough to even touch the machine. My dad was very protective about the machine. He himself would not use it unless he had to complete some work overnight. For me, it was an absolute wonder as to how and what that thing in the bedroom sitting on the desk next to my parents bedside was. I used to hide and peek around the door sill when my dad was working on it. He became a bit more lenient with the Windows 98 and let me and my sibling play DOS games under his supervision for a limited time.

Over time, I managed to look over his shoulder for the passwords - both BIOS and OS user passwords and started logging in myself. By now, my dad would let me sit on the bed near him when I looked curiously as he worked. Then I had to figure how to connect to the internet and surf the web. And there folks is how my journey with computers began.

Coworker: I give up! Please help me!

Me: What's up?

C: Take a look at this. I have this function here that gets the tab index and I'm passing it to the Tabs component over there. I'm logging the index and as you can see it's 3, but the Tabs component isn't working. However if I replace the function call with a 3 it works!

Coworker 2: While you were explaining all that, shellbug already thought about at least 3 reasons why that isn't working.

Me: **sighs** Of what type is the value that function is returning?

C: **stares at me for a few seconds** It's a number.

Me: Are you sure?

C: Well, it's returning 3.

Me: Please do a typeof.

It was string.

My code broke for no reason.
I added a log statement to see why.
*tests code*
It worked....
What the 何?!

Yesterday the web site started logging an exception “A task was canceled” when making a http call using the .Net HTTPClient class (site calling a REST service).

Emails back n’ forth ..blaming the database…blaming the network..then a senior web developer blamed the logging (the system I’m responsible for).

Under the hood, the logger is sending the exception data to another REST service (which sends emails, generates reports etc.) which I had to quickly re-direct the discussion because if we’re seeing the exception email, the logging didn’t cause the exception, it’s just reporting it. Felt a little sad having to explain it to other IT professionals, but everyone seemed to agree and focused on the server resources.

Last night I get a call about the exceptions occurring again in much larger numbers (from 100 to over 5,000 within a few minutes). I log in, add myself to the large skype group chat going on just to catch the same senior web developer say …
“Here is the APM data that shows logging is causing the http tasks to get canceled.”

FRACK!

Me: “No, that data just shows the logging http traffic of the exception. The exception is occurring before any logging is executed. The task is either being canceled due to a network time out or IIS is running out of threads. The web site is failing to execute the http call to the REST service.”

Several other devs, DBAs, and network admins agree.

The errors only lasted a couple of minutes (exactly 2 minutes, which seemed odd), so everyone agrees to dig into the data further in the morning.

This morning I login to my computer to discover the error(s) occurred again at 6:20AM and an email from the senior web developer saying we (my mgr, her mgr, network admins, DBAs, etc) need to discuss changes to the logging system to prevent this problem from negatively affecting the customer experience...blah blah blah.

FRACKing female dog!

Good news is we never had the meeting. When the senior web dev manager came in, he cancelled the meeting.

Turned out to be a hiccup in a domain controller causing the servers to lose their connection to each other for 2 minutes (1-minute timeout, 1 minute to fully re-sync). The exact two-minute burst of errors explained (and proven via wireshark).

People and their petty office politics piss me off.

My secret joy. Logging into our "automated email do not reply" mailbox and reading folks futile attempts to argue with an automated system

My family hosts an 100 mile (160km) run once every year for ultra-runners. 11 hours in the first runner has done 105 km. And I'm sitting at this checkpoint logging their times and working on a project. But rain started pouring down and this not so waterproof tent has just become the worst developing workplace I have ever been in because the umbrella ain't big enough for me and the laptop. So I'm soaked and won't be relieved for another 8 hours. The things you do for family.

Pro-Tip: Debugging/Logging with emojis is so much more fun

Sometimes the design decisions of big companies amazes me.

I wanted to contact support of Cloudflare. The only way to submit a new support query is by logging into the account first.

My problem is that I can not log into my account. What a bunch of retards.

Every single fucking time:

Developers: Maybe we'll do something nice for the users, like signing in with Facebook account?
Business: Nah, nobody is gonna pay for that and it sounds useless. We're good with current solutions. Just do your job!

half a year later:

Business: Hey, I just came up with the idea that we could have logging in with Facebook.
Also business: Wow, great idea!
Management: Here's your bonus for a great idea!
Developers: ...

So I thought I will set up a PIN to make logging into the corporate PC easier. Hm... based on these requirements I can probably stick with password.

Me: Hello. I'm from dept. ABC. My system isn't working.

IT: Have you tried logging OFF & ON again?

Me: (Let me rephrase) No the system isn't turning ON 😅

IT: Before I come over to your desk, can you try restarting once? 🤓

Me: (Motherfuck..) 🙂

Irony of github....
A blocked person can easily see your profile after logging out
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In the old days switching accounts was as simple as logging out and logging in

Now, logging out redirects you to 20 different pages, doesn't redirect you to the original page, and sometimes it doesn't even log you out

I think I've got a working searx instance which I'd open up for the public.

NOTE: I cannot prove that I don't store anything because for that you'd need root access to the server which I won't give obviously. If you're not comfortable with that, just don't uses it.

I still have to do something for ip address logging anonymising or stripping, though. (nginx + CSF provided enough abuse prevention).

Tips on that?

The day I discovered Schrödinger's lesser known paradox of simultaneously being fired and not fired.

This isn't really much of a dev story, but I figured I'd share it anyway.

About two minutes into signing into all my stuff, I suddenly was kicked out of everything. I tried logging in a few more times, and then suddenly started getting the error, "Your account has been disabled for security reasons." I couldn't sign into chat, and co-workers confirmed that I was missing from the company directory. My manager didn't come in for another two hours, and we couldn't get anyone else to answer what the hell was going on. So I was kinda panicking.

Eventually, we found out from one of our coordinators that someone else with the same name as me was leaving the company, and they had deactivated the wrong person.

It ended up getting a lot better. They told me that it could take up to 48 hours to restore my access (it took longer), so I found stuff to do so I could maintain my paycheck. One of those things was assisting someone with data collection and processing, where I eventually said, "Dude, I could totally automate this," and now that's what I'm getting paid to do.

Client: “I’m sorry I just don’t understand the issue with the contract?

You said logging into Facebook was easy, what’s the issue with feature X (= complex graph API queries based on opinions and sentiment) and displaying images and videos, it’s the same thing!!!”

... no sir, it is NOT

PM: Can we have it so the usernames are case-sensitive?

Me: uhh, sure I guess.. But thats like really pointless and adds no real usefulness.. In fact makes the whole logging in thing a tad more complicated for no reason..

PM: Well this one other product we have uses "Admin" for the login versus yours that used "admin" so it needs to be implemented.

(note that mine accepted "Admin" anyways...) *implemented it*

PM: So there's a problem with the username sort, it sorts by capitals then lowercase.. eg:
alpha
beta
Alpha

Me: Yeah, you asked for case-sensitive usernames..

PM: Well can you fix it?

Me: I could create a second field within the user data that is the username in all lowercase and sort by that. But that negates like all of the whole case-sensitive usernames thing.. OR I could drop all this actually important work I'm doing and do a whole bunch of work on a custom sort for this useless fucking feature you wanted me to put in..

*it's been 2 weeks and still no reply...*

I came back here, after not logging in for about a year just to say that patents are fucking stupid. Thanks, see you in another year!

Installed Miami Street earlier today.. some random free Shaftgame.
Late at night now, I figured "let's try this out".

> Logging in...
*crashes*

*goes to the settings for this crap game*
> *crashes*

Fucking worthless piece of Microshit.. yet another data collection hook that REQUIRES your shit to log in just to fucking work? Fucking Shaftfuckers, 5GB of internet traffic I spent on this?! Just to see it be a worthless data-hungry paperweight?!! Luckily my residential connection is unmetered and has some decent speeds.. but still, FUCK YOU MICROSHAFT!!!

Coincidentally, keyboard input completely broke when I wanted to do a minor edit to the drafted rant. Microshit can't even design a decent keyboard driver anymore, huh.. I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO REWRITE THIS SHIT FOR A SECOND TIME, FUCKING REDMOND MICROCUNTSUCKERS!!!!

When a colleague left their computer without logging out, I created a shortcut to internet explorer, named it Google Chrome, and changed the icon to Chrome's icon. I couldn't remove Chrome's shortcut from the desktop or modify it because I didn't have permissions, so I turned of icon snapping and dragged it off the screen. I also replaced Chrome in the task bar with my fake icon. I then set the Internet Explorer to open a bunch of useless pages when it opens, set it to the default browser, and changed the search engine to Yahoo!

Got an email earlier this week. It went something like this:

"It looks like your team still hasn't delivered the logging and monitoring solution that we asked for. Can you get it done in time for our production deployment next Friday?"

Um, wait, excuse me, WHAT?

1. You never actually asked for the thing you claim we didn't deliver. In fact, when we brought up the fact that you should probably have some monitoring set up for your servers, you said it would be handled entirely by your own team.
2. I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS PROJECT FOR SIX MONTHS WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOUR DEADLINE UNTIL NOW
3. I won't even have time to start working on this until the Monday after your prod deployment date. Sorrynotsorry.

I really shouldn't be surprised though. This project has been a clusterfuck from the very beginning so this is just par for the course.

Logging into Windows at the age of 1 and a half ... Challenge accepted!

Trying to learn some golang after a break.

Made http / https transparent proxy for personal project.

Mind: You need to add configuration file with domains you allow traffic and block everything else using list of regex.

Me: Ok I can do it, 4 hours later ok done

Mind: Why not make it differently by making list of url you can block and test this shit on fucking ads and stop using adblock that downloads content.

Me: ok that will be handy I can watch websites faster and drop traffic I don’t want to.

Funny fact, it works I broke analytics, logging, quantum shit fucks and even youtube plays ok.

Go is awesome for networking stuff lol.

Any bikers around here?

I recently bought my first motor bike ( super cheap ) and I'm excited to add some enhancements to it like GPS logging and collect relevant data about my bike.

Have you don't anything similar to your ride? I would like to put my Dev skills and improve my bike as a hobby.

I like logging into public wireless networks where the admin credentials are the default and mess with their wireless settings...

Am I wrong?

They always say "Stop wasting time".
They always say "Just use the tools we are all using".
They always say "I get it, you're the OSS guy. IDC, go to work now".
They always say "I hope you won't be logging this time on our customer's timesheet".

And they always come back to me "Look, I've heard that tool you've made/found is really cool and efficient, saves lots of trouble and makes us go faster. Can you send it to me via slack? TIA"

I see things that could/should work better and I make them do exactly that. It's my gift. It's my curse.

When I see two fields, one for username and one for password, I expect I can fill them out immediately subsequently with only a tab in between. While typing my password I DON'T want to get sent to a page where I can enter my password only: I was entering it already! Sometimes I even make it until I pressed the enter key that was supposed to log me in, but then I'm kindly requested to reenter my password. At that moment I not-so-kindly think: FUCK YOU Microsoft, you should know better. Even when logging into Visual Studio for fack sake

Started part time job at a company, had to log my time on timesheets. Said fuck this and now the whole company logs their hours on a custom web based time logging system which I built.

"WTF? These records should have been inserted into the table!"
...Hours of checking code, trying to figure out how this is possible, can't find a way to have this scenario happen...
...Add additional debug and troubleshooting code, add more verbose logging, redeploy to all the containers, reset all the tables, many apologies to the boss for the delay....
...Co-worker comes in: "oh, hey, sorry, accidently deleted some stuff from the database last night before i left."

Introduced a ‘new’ logging framework for our web site. Web team is testing the integration and I get an email saying the logging wasn’t working. Instead of sending me how she is searching the logs, she sends me a screen shot of the code (which is ass-backwards of how I documented the logging library, but that’s another rant). OK, she wrote 5 lines of code that should be one line, but OK, the error still should have logged fine. I search the logs, and sure enough, there they are. Errors logged just as they should.
So I email back (with screenshot of the search query and results) asking how she searched for the errors.
Hour later she responds ..”I don’t know.”
That’s it.
WTF do you mean “I don’t know”?…WTF…you are a –bleep-ing developer too! This is not the first –bleep-ing splunk query you’ve written!
OK..I’m calm..feeling better. Wouldn’t be so bad if she emailed just me with the question (I’m not a splunk query expert either, we can figure it out together), but she was sure to cc 3 of the PMs involved in the integration, my boss, and other team members to make it sound like the problem was my code.

<just got out of this meeting>
Mgr: “Can we log the messages coming from the services?”
Me: “Absolutely, but it could be a lot of network traffic and create a lot of noise. I’m not sure if our current logging infrastructure is the right fit for this.”
Senior Dev: “We could use Log4Net. That will take care of the logging.”
Mgr: “Log4Net?…Yea…I’ve heard of it…Great, make it happen.”
Me: “Um…Log4Net is just the client library, I’m talking about the back-end, where the data is logged. For this issue, we want to make sure the data we’re logging is as concise as possible. We don’t want to cause a bottleneck inside the service logging informational messages.”
Mgr: “Oh, no, absolutely not, but I don’t know the right answer, which is why I’ll let you two figure it out.”
Senior Dev: “Log4Net will take care of any threading issues we have with logging. It’ll work.”
Me: “Um..I’m sure…but we need to figure out what we need to log before we decide how we’re logging it.”
Senior Dev: “Yea, but if we log to SQL database, it will scale just fine.”
Mgr: “A SQL database? For logging? That seems excessive.”
Senior Dev: “No, not really. Log4Net takes care of all the details.”
Me: “That’s not going to happen. We’re not going to set up an entire sql database infrastructure to log data.”
Senior Dev: “Yea…probably right. We could use ElasticSearch or even Redis. Those are lightweight.”
Mgr: “Oh..yea…I’ve heard good things about Redis.”
Senior Dev: “Yea, and it runs on Linux and Linux is free.”
Mgr: “I like free, but I’m late for another meeting…you guys figure it out and let me know.”
<mgr leaves>
Me: “So..Linux…um…know anything about administrating Redis on Linux?”
Senior Dev: ”Oh no…not a clue.”

It was all I could do from doing physical harm to another human being.
I really hate people playing buzzword bingo with projects I’m responsible for.

Only good piece is he’s not changing any of the code.

They added a javascript that checks the login info. Worst part an if statement was the only thing keeping you from logging in without the correct password

On a 5 hour bus ride for which the company advertised that they have WiFi. Technically they did, it just didn't seem to be connected to anything. (it was but it was unusable). I tried logging into the router as i always do and one default "admin" password later i was in.
I didn't want to mess up anything too badly, however i did change the wpa password to "YouShouldMakeThisABitMoreSecure"

Did somebody forgot to turn off info logs in production.

during code review...
peer: "you should pass this variable, and extract the logger from it"
me: "why? it is a 3 line logging function. why not pass the logger instance?"
peer: "because that is our best practice. It is the way we do things"
me: "why is it a best practice?"
peer: "because it is. We use it everywhere!"
me: "No we don't. And I still don't understand why is this a best practice. can you explain?"
peer: gives ups, did not look at the mr, and was not going to.

mr stays open. probably forever.

Inmates are trying to take over the asylum again.

Got a message from the web team manager deeply concerned because since switching to the new logging framework, the site is significantly slower.

She provided no proof or any data to what 'significantly slower' means.

#1 The 'new logging' has been in place and logging for 5 years. We only recently depreciated the ILogger interface ('new' ILogger interface only has 1 method instead of 5)
#2 The 'old logging' was modified 5 years ago, so even if you were using the 'old' interface, the underlying implementation is still the same.

She tried to push the 'it wasn't this slow before' argument, so I decided to do some fact based analysis.
Knowing they deployed their logging changes couple of weeks ago, I opened up AppDynamics, looked at the average call time to Splunk (along with a few other http calls they are doing)
- caching services - 5ms
- splunk - 30ms
- Order Service - 350ms
- Product Data Service -525ms

Then I look at the data they are logging, for the month of June, over 5 million messages. At 30ms each, that's almost 42 hours spent logging errors...yes errors. Null reference exceptions, Argument exceptions, easily fixable stuff.

So far for the month of July (using the 'new' logging), almost 2.5 million errors. Pretty close so far with June's numbers.

My only suggestion was to fix the bugs in their code so they don't log so many errors.

Her response.."Can we have one of our developers review your logging code? We believe we can find ways to optimize the http requests"

Oh good Lord. I'm not a drinking man..but ...I might start.

What features would you want in a logger?

Here's what I'm planning so far:
- Tagged entries for easy scanning of log file
- Support for indenting to group similar sequential entries
- Multiple entry types (normal, info, event, warning, error, fatal, debug, verbose)
- Meta entries, so the logger logging about itself, e.g. disk i/o failures.
- Ability to add custom entry types, including tag, log-level, etc.
- Customizable timestamp function
- Support for JS's async nature -- this equates to passing a unique key per 'thread'; the logger will re-write all the parent blocks for context, if necessary. if that sounds confusing, it's okay; just trust that it makes sense.
- Caching, retries, etc. in the event of disk i/o issues.
- Support for custom writers, allowing you to e.g. write logs to an API rather than console or disk.

How about these features?
- Multiple (named) logs with separate writers (console, disk, etc.)
- Ability to individually enable/disable writing of specific entry types. (want verbose but not info? sure thing, weirdo!)
- Multiple writers per log. Combined with the above, this would allow you to write specific entry types (e.g. error, warning, fatal) to stderr instead of stdout, or to different apis.
- Ability to write the same log entry to multiple logs simultaneously

What do you think of these features?
What other features would you want?
I'm open to suggestions!

Managed to make myself look like a fucking moron again today...

Can't mount NFS share, get "permission denied". Huh, that's weird... It's correctly exported.

Well it's correctly exported and rpcinfo -p $HOST times out... Must be firewall rule.

Firewall rule is changed but still no joy "permission denied"... Fuck sake networks, can't you do anything right first time?!!!

Firewall rule is correct I am reliably informed... Go about proving that it's not fucking correct and provide "evidence" to show this, I was a little bit more blunt than was strictly required.

Networks say they will take another look.

I turn NFS logging to verbose for my own interest and notice the line "path/to/directory is not a valid directory".

I, as a moron, had missed a "/" at the start of the path. That's why I still couldn't mount after the firewall change.

Go over and apologise in person and explain how I'm a total idiot.

Is it just me, or does anyone miss logging into a Unix/Linux machine, doing a 'w' or 'who' and seeing a long list of folks all using the machine simultaneously? I still reflexively run 'who' as soon as I log into any real or virtual Unix or Linux machine and I am still slightly disappointed to find I'm all alone on it.

I've started logging my sleep patterns on a spreadsheet. Hoping to get some interesting statistics eventually.

I'm planning on writing an open source (and much improved) version of my logger, but I'm stuck on picking a name :<

So, anyone have naming suggestions for a tagged and branching/nesting logging library? (ES6)

(I don't think "deforestation" is a good choice. sounds kinda bad.)

My predecessor used auth as a bool. The only way he kept basic users from accessing admin functions was by including the word "admin" or "user" in the URL so any user could be the administrator by just changing the URL parameters after logging in

For example, mysite.com/admin/editorderdetails vs. mysite.com/user/editorderdetails

Having trouble logging into an app I am suppose to be working on with another dev. Debugging and found this:

// TODO: Temporary Optional because the API is not working properly

... i'm not happy for so many reasons

Thanks to mandatory password change, today:

- My windows account got locked because my phone kept logging into wifi using
old password.
- Google Hangouts were silently running in background with old session until I re-opened it. Work of others delayed by 4 hours due to missing message notifications.
- Docker for Windows lost credentials needed to use SMB mounts - 1h of debugging why my containers mount empty folders ( now I will know)
- Google G-Sync for Outlook asked for new password on outlook restart - few mails delayed.

All of that for sake of security that could be easily solved with 2FA instead, not faking that "I do not change number at the end of my password"

So we have an API that my team is supposed send messages to in a fire and forget kind of style.

We are dependent on it. If it fails there is some annoying manual labor involved to clean that mess up. (If it even can be cleaned up, as sometimes it is also time-sensitive.)

Yet once in a while, that endpoint just crashes by letting the request vanish. No response, no error, nothing, it is just gone.

Digging through the log files of that API nothing pops up. Yet then I realize the size of the log files. About ~30GB on good old plain text log files.

It turns out that that API has taken the LOG EVERYTHING approach so much too heart that it logs to the point of its own death.

Is circular logging such a bleeding edge technology? It's not like there are external solutions for it like loggly or kibana. But oh, one might have to pay for them. Just dump it to the disk :/

This is again a combination of developers thinking "I don't need to care about space! It's cheap!" and managers thinking "100 GB should be enough for that server cluster. Let's restrict its HDD to 100GB, save some money!"

And then, here I stand trying to keep my sanity :/

Wrote a feature that took a week plus to complete that was reviewed, approved, merged and already in production.

Guy who approved comes in and says to make changes now with 1 day to end of sprint saying to refactor stuff. It won't make a difference other than some logging changes but I found the effort to be large plus the QA would need to retest everything.

When I brought up my concern, he tells me it is very easy and to get it done.

Now am feeling so stuck rushing on this work cos he called it 'easy' and I don't want to look like a fool...

Why review and approve code only to come back last minute asking for changes.. Not the first time and always last minute followed by calling it easy. I am almost forming a phobia to merge approved code..

You know the worst thing about being a freelancer? You're expected to wear every fucking hat and you don't get normal hours.

Over the past few days I have been working with a client of a client attampting to fix his server. He's running CentOS on VMWare and somehow ended up breaking the system.

Upon inspection there was no way to fix his system remotely. It wouldn't even boot in recovery mode. So we've been attempting to recover his data so that we can reinstall CentOS and not have to start completely from scratch.

So for the past 3 days straight I have been remotely logging in to a Debian Live CD and manually sending folders to a FTP server of his. He has somewhere close to 30 sites on this server, and upwards of 1 million files in total.

Yesterday either the system freaked out or he did something, but the entire fucking system stopped responding which forced me to reboot it, reinsert the live CD, reinstall evertything, and re-mount his broken systems drives.

Here we are 3 days in, we're still not done, and I'm getting slightly pissy because if you don't know Linux well enough to fix this shit yourself, you shouldn't be acting as your own sysadmin for 30+ sites.

Also, backups are a thing right? VMWare also has snapshots. I know the extra storage isn't cheap, but it's a hell of a lot cheaper than paying soemone like me $35/hr to go and fix all of your shitty mistakes.

ALMOST HALF AN HOUR SPENT TRYING TO LOG INTO MY FUCKING RASPBERRY PI OVER SSH.

you know what the problem is?

I’m not gonna tell you because I want you to feel the agony too.

> be me
> want to set up a nextcloud instance on pi to play with
> boot up
> ssh pi
*enter password*
*password incorrect*
^tries like 60 more times with different things
> pulls HDMI out of PC
> connect to pi direct
*please login*
*enter password*
Hackerman_voice_im_in.mp3
Wtf.xml
> check the logs
>try login from phone
Fuckyou.jpg
>Tries resetting password
Fuckyou-final.jpg
>tried logging into other pi
Fuckyou-final2.jpg
>*wtf’s harder*
Andthenithitme.png
>type @ sign
Pi: “
> OHHHHHHH

Logging levels: Verbose, Debug, Info, Warning, Error, What a Terrible Failure

My favorite year as a dev + why?

It would have to be this year because ..

- The 'pointy hair' bosses I've ranted about on this forum have been fired or they quit. I almost kinda forgot what it felt like to talk to managers not feel like "Good Lord, how does this guy put on his shoes"
- I took over the position of my nemesis (his choice, not mine) who quit (he quit before he was fired) and deleted+replaced all remnants of his code/life's work. More out of spite than necessity.
- Reaping the benefits of properly logging/reporting errors and developers able to fix those errors, nearly eliminating those 3:00AM 'System is down' phone calls.
- Able to take time to learn new technologies (learning React right now) and not constantly running around putting out fires.
- Son just graduated college at age 21.

So I was logging into google today and my password is very long so I often make mistakes while typing it so I went to inspect element to change input type to text so that I can check the password and I see that Firefox is storing my password already as plain text. Wtf Firefox???

When you take procrastination to another level... Adding Good looking table style output with emoji in a logging script which is only to be used once in a lifetime 😁

Hello devRant, this is going to be my first time posting on the site.

I work for a gaming community on the side, and today one of the managers asked me to implement a blacklist system into the chat and reactivate the previously existing one temporarily. This shouldn't have had any issues and should've been implemented within minutes. Once it was done and tested, I pushed it to the main server. This is the moment I found out the previous developer apparently decided it would be the best idea to use the internal function that verifies that the sender isn't blacklisted or using any blacklisted words as a logger for the server/panel, even though there is another internal function that does all the logging plus it's more detailed than the verification one he used. But the panel he designed to access and log all of this, always expects the response to be true, so if it returns false it would break the addon used to send details to the panel which would break the server. The only way to get around it is by removing the entire panel, but then they lose access to the details not logged to the server.

May not have explained this the best, but the way it is designed is just completely screwed up and just really needs a full redo, but the managers don't want to redo do it since apparently, this is the best way it can be done.

In order to reduce support costs, manager instructed his team to remove all logging/reporting of errors in the company’s CRM application.
Team’s support tickets went down 80%, manager received an award for his efforts, but mysteriously, DBA/support workload increased, bad/missing data,
increased support tickets in other areas of the business (shipping, etc. that relied on correct data from the CRM) and other side-affectual behavior.
Even after pointing this out this correlation, showing before/after code, no one believed the two were related and I was accused of not being a ‘team player’.
“You and the other teams need to learn from his example!”. As ‘punishment’ was I was moved to the team managing the CRM application.

"Wait, we're logging all web traffic now?"
Me: You're the security engineer, you asked him to do it!
"I know but I didn't think he would actually do it!"

🙄😑

So I have a script that runs every time I turn on my PC. The script copies a few files to a ftp server in my basement. Forgot to turn off logging....

Opend the file in Notepad, and would you look at that, 1 GB of ram..? WTF?

Edit: Managed to open the file, turns out that it's been exactly one year since I started using the script.

Wow. Can't access a news article in an incognito tab without logging in or subscribing. This happened in Firefox and Chrome in mobile and desktop views on Android.

Salesforce.

I mean I hate to be a predictable broken record, but it really is the biggest PITA thing I've come across. Proprietary stuff across the board, arbitrary limits, ridiculously tedious to get sane debug logging turned on and boy, if you've ever had to go through their process for listing an app...

It was the first time I worked on a big project with a big team, I looked at the given code and copied their code style.

I finished very fast and everything was working fine, was really proud of myself. I'd like to add some logging though.

Programm failed it was heavily async and parallel so 2 days of debugging had past the whole team was on board nobody knew what went wrong there.

As I stared into the darkness of my code I suddenly saw what went wrong 😂

As I adopted no curly braces style of the Team for

If (condition)
Justine();

And I added logging above without braces everything broke 😂 it was indented properly so as a heavily python user everything looked fine

Still dealing with the web department and their finger pointing after several thousand errors logged.

SeniorWebDev: “Looks like there were 250 database timeout errors at 11:02AM. DBAs might want to take a look.”

I look at the actual exceptions being logged (bulk of the over 1,600 logged errors)..

“Object reference not set to an instance of an object.”

Then I looked the email timestamp…11:00AM. We received the email notification *before* the database timeout errors occurred.

I gather some facts…when the exceptions started, when they ended, and used the stack trace to find the code not checking for null (maybe 10 minutes of junior dev detective work). Send the data to the ‘powers that be’ and carried on with my daily tasks.
I attached what I found (not the actual code, it was changed to protect the innocent)
Couple of hours later another WebDev replied…

WebDev: “These errors look like a database connectivity issue between the web site and the saleitem data service. Appears the logging framework doesn’t allow us to log any information about the database connection.”

FRACK!!...that Fracking lying piece of frack! Our team is responsible for the logging framework. I was typing up my response (having to calm down) then about a minute later the head DBA replies …

DBA: “Do you have any evidence of this? Our logs show no connectivity issues. The logging framework does have the ability to log an extensive amount of data regarding the database transaction. Database name, server, login, command text, and parameter values. Everything we need to troubleshoot. This is the link to the documentation …. If you implement the one line of code to gather the data, it will go a long way in helping us debug performance and connectivity issue. Thank you.”

DBA sends me a skype message “You’re welcome :)”

Ahh..nice to see someone else fed up with their lying bull...stuff.

Putty, you son of a bitch. Why do you call the logging option "All session output" if you don't include binary zeros in the output? Zeros don't count as "all" or what?
Then call the option "All session output without zeros", that would have saved me some time and prevented handing out false data.

We are required to use corporate SSO for any authenticated internal websites, and one of the features they require you to implement is a "logout" button.

They provide a whole slew of specifications, including size and placement/visibility, etc. They provide an SSO logout URL you must redirect to after you take care of your own application logout tasks.

Makes sense... except the logout URL they provide to serve the actual SSO logout function broke over 3 months ago, and remains non-functional to this day.

Apparently I'm the first person (and perhaps one of the only people) who reported it, and was told "just not to worry about it".

So, we have a standing feature request to provide a button... that doesn't actually work.

Corporate Security - Making your corporation _appear_ more secure every day...

Client: "I cant logging me in"
Me: "Ok do you know your username? "
Client: "yes, off course"
Me:"ok, which password do you use?"
client: "I looked to my colleague... 5 stars"
Me: 🤐😣😯😭😭

Me: After 3 days of deliberation, I finally picked a framework, I can jump into the rewrite

*2 hours of inspired coding later

I finished the configuration validation and logging setup! What was that framework again?

Fucking amateur developers deploying what should be complex APIs to a financial business environment with incomplete and inaccurate documentation, with their code copy pasted from chat boxes, with "tests" that do not output any relevant logging except pass/fail and take 2 days to run, with deficient but multi-factor redundant security that works occasionally based on air pressure, publishing code that causes their systems to break and lose data then blame everything on integrators for simply calling their own fucking cheap excuse of an API based on their own shitty documentation, and API calls that respond in 10+ seconds for simplest fucking queries.
FUCK.ALL.OF.YOU
FUCK YOU sideways go write children's books morons fuck off and die I will fucking teabag your women and turn your dogs into tacos you watching... hopefully next year when i'm done wasting my time on your retarded shit

Just realized that I had this Dev Rant account for years without logging in haha

Deleting debugging/logging lines instead of commenting them out, when there is 95% chance that I will need them again

I don't understand how people can write code, but be completely inept at developing software.

Take a zoom feature:

SOLUTION 0:
- Use 2 buttons
- Use 2 button listeners
- Use 2 float variables (for each button).
- Don't log anything.
- Use 3 crazy, hardcoded, constant, int literals like 66, 30...
- both buttons manipulate the same text field.
- no logging.
- Both listeners use if/else to check if the variable is within a range -- one if/else for each listener.
- Use crazy method calls to get text size.

SOLUTION 1:
- Use a slider.
- Use a single listener.
- No variables needed.
- Use a linear equation for zooming.
- has logging.

Finding the right balance between well written, need-one-week, maintainable software, and fast-written, ready-in-2-hours-and-never-look-at-it-again software.

Last time it took me 20 minutes to integrate with a new API. I had a script that did everything you needed. I then spent 2 weeks on handling error responses, unexpected responses, exceptions, intelligent retries, logging, unit tests, integration tests, caching, documentation, etc.

Unreal Engine adventures:
me: So ok, I need a map from int to String
Unreal: ya but it's called TMap, FCompactPoseBoneIndex and FName.
me: ..uhhh ok whatever
...
me: ok for debugging, please print this
Unreal: FName is not a string
me: k. Fname.toString().
Unreal: ya but it aint a TChar array now
...
IT'S A FKING STRING JUST PRINT IT. And the other guy is still an int with extra steps! Come the fuck on now....
I mean, honestly, a logging function that cannot print a fking FString? sigh...
Man, I miss python and blender...

We found a binary string on our Loggly server. It's a PDF file .. the entire PDF file, being sent, to our logging service.

Was logging in my student account to check whether the system actually registered my admission and here I go.

And this is not just some college. This is a website every engineering student shall use throughout the country.

Also this is not the first time this happened.

I dont need DuckDuckGo,
I dont need any VPN
I dont need all of this "Internet Privacy Service" BULLSHIT which my ISP wants me to use,
I DONT NEED ANY OF THIS FUCKING SHIT!
AND I DONT WANT IT EITHER!
I HAVE MY OWN PI HOLE!
AND THATS FUCKING ENOUGH FOR WHAT I NEED! STOP TELLING ME ABOUT ALL THIS "We are clearly not logging your shit" WHILE YOU DO!!
Because I have my own shit!

Thx

You are a developer and you will only log time you're actually working. This means you will not be logging time spent in meetings, chasing for specs, requirement clarifications and similar. You must log 8 hours each day.

^^-- wtf?!? Is anyone else working in similar conditions?

A set of common utilities for node.js, things like better logging, password hashing

I’ve spent 2 weeks trying to simply automate logging into my damn school’s blackboard but this ducking popup won’t freaking let me access it. I’ve tried selenium. I’ve used beautifulsoup and requests. I’ve even tried a tool called mechanize with python
But I’ve now realized I simply have no damn idea what I’m doing. I’ve read and tried way too many stack overflow articles and I’m just sick of this damn popup

If I can’t figure it out by the end of the upcoming thanksgiving break I’m dropping this damn project until I learn enough to utilize the blackboard API’s. I’m a little sure those will help

Goes back to high school.....

Me: This laptop is having issues logging into the network. I have tried restarting as well as restarting the WiFi. You probally should submit a ticket so IT knows it is broken.
Teacher: They would not fix it anyway.
Me: *facepalm*

TL;DR: Teacher thinks that telling IT to fix a computer would result in nothing happening.

Last year I planned to start a startup. I've started many good things but not the startup yet.

* A new data format
* A new data type
* A new web framework
* A new concept for logging
* And many other opensource tools and libraries

The scrum master for the project I'm working on decided to help out with changing some code (I'll add he's got a master's in software engineering and very proud about it..aka..big ego). It took him two days...yes two days to write the attached code.
I reviewed his code and sent back a response (code took about 15 seconds to write) including the link to the logging documentation explaining what fields were and were not necessary. Not sure how will look in devrant ...

var data = new InformationalDataPoint
{
Properties =
{
["RMANumber"] = rma,
["InvoiceID"] = invoiceId
}
};
Logger.Log(data);

He's stopped talking to me. Our next scrum meeting with the product owner should be ...um...awkward.

Ok, so one of the oldest guy is leaving from my company (on a good note) and he was involved in multiple things in our organization. From having access to almost everything (AWS, Github and owning multiple projects and our legacy code). I am supposed to take KTof one project and man THE CODE IS MESS. YOU DONT PUT A RANDOM NUMBER WHILE CALLING A FUNCTION. You are supposed to define a constant and use that. I've told my manager that I need at least 1 week just to improve logging.

Yay! My first bash project :D
disclaimer - my bash is not pretty. yet.

Why I created it?
I encountered several footlong scripts in a new project at work. And they had no logging. And I am in charge of making it sing again. So here it is a tiny logging framework.

Must say, it's lookin' pretty neat 😉

I'm performing a pentest for my client.
So after scanning my client's network I understood they're using IIS 4.5 and windows server 2012 (or 2012 R2)
I know the systems are real old.
And there are known exploits for them.

The tricky part is I have to stay hidden and I only have my own credentials for logging in to the asp page. (Uploading a script is almost crossed cuz it will reveal my identity)
Also I have access to the local network with some of the other employees user/pass.

Any recommendation for exploiting and staying hidden at the same time ?

One more question : will exploits for newer versions work for the older ones necessarily?

I hate:
- Enterprise patterns
- Enterprise type programming
- Dependency hell
- Logging hell
- Proxy hell
- Debugging hell

That will be all.

A "partner" company has created a "REST" API we use on an online shop we developed to send all shop-related requests to.
At least once a month, something fails on their end and the customer calls us every time, expecting that we did something wrong, but it has never been us.
These "partners" do exactly zero testing, are extremely slow in solving API bugs, have almost no logging and have no monitoring on the API at all.
Today at noon, suddenly no customers were able to order anything anymore for 4 hours.

How the fuck can you run a business so unbelievably brainless that this keeps repeating monthly?
Time they fire all their "devs" and everyone in charge of the company and operations. TERMINATE.

Fuck! I check my server before leaving and it's fine. I leave to go to see my dad for the weekend and maybe I can remote ftp&mysql into it. No! it crashes the minuet I try logging on!!!!!

I can't login ffs
I don't care that it shows an impossible number of characters honestly, but I don't get why that should prevent me from logging in to any of these servers

For that matter, why the fuck is number of characters a signed int?

Logging into my school website when... WHY DO YOU USE 🤬 FRNCH FOR BOOLEAN IN THE URL M🤬F

Ok, I know this is a francophone college, but come on!

When working on a project first create a good error logging feature

Jeez maybe it's just me, not a very smart user, but after at least 6 years with iPhone5, just before changing it, I discovered how to raise the volume without logging in the phone first:

I press the home button, Siri show up, and THEN the fucking raise/lower audio buttons are working.

6 years typing the fucking pin just to raise the volume.
6 fucking years missing notifications and calls just because I forgot the fucking volume on the lower tone. Almost lost a girlfriend for that.

What a great login page:
{"message":"Error logging in."}

So, this incident happened with me around 2 years ago. I was pentesting one of my client's web application. They were new into the Financial Tech Industry, and wanted me to pentest their website as per couple of standards mentioned by them.

One of the most hilarious bug that I found was at the login page, when a user tries logging into an account and forgets the password, a Captcha image is shown where the user needs to prove that he is indeed a human and not a robot, which was fair enough to be implemented at the login screen.

But, here's the catch. When I checked the "view source" option of the web page, I saw that the alt attribute of the Captcha image file had the contents of the Captcha. Making it easy for an attacker to easily bruteforce the shit outta the login page.

You don't need hackers to hack you when your internal dev team itself is self destructive.

I made Skype Bot which queries the data using wsdl authentication on our ticketing tool and send the data whoever has requested in skype itself(without logging or touching the ticketing tool).

Manager: Is that even possible?

Me: (In excitement) Everything is possible if you have the will.

Now, He wants me to work on his pet project. I dont know how to react!

At NYU doctor's office that forces me to register a temp account to use their WiFi.

I get an email saying my medical records have changed so I try logging into the site to check.

Site can't be accessed on the network..,

Microsoft and their dev tools...

> Trying to login to Azure VM
> Get an error, saying that password needs to be changed before logging in the first time
> Head over to Azure portal, try resetting password
> Password reset is not successful. Reason: Account already exists (???)
> Google the error message. Found solution (coming from a Microsoft employee!): Create a new user, login with that, fix the password for user #1 inside the VM, then delete the new user

What's wrong with these people? 😂

You know a server is having a jolly'ol time when, while logging through the serial console, it lags... Then, a few seconds later, you get a message

[time.seconds] Out of memory: Kill process PID (login) score 0 or sacrifice child
[time.seconds] Killed process PID (login) total-vm:65400kB, anon-rss:488kB, file-rss:0kB

10/10, only way to bring the server back to life was by a hard-reset :|

2 hour meeting to brainstorm ideas to improve our system health monitoring (logging, alerting, monitoring, and metrics)

Never got past the alerting part. Piss poor excuses for human being managers kept 'blaming' our logging infrastructure for allowing them to log exceptions as 'Warnings', purposely by-passing the alerting system.

Then the d-head tried to 'educate' everyone the difference between error and exception …frack-wad…the difference isn't philosophical…shut up.

The B manager kept referring to our old logging system (like we stopped using it 5 years ago) and if it were written correctly, the legacy code would be easier to migrate. Fracking lying B….shut the frack up.

The fracking idiots then wanted to add direct-bypass of the alerting system (I purposely made the code to bypass alerting painful to write)

Mgr1: "The only way this will work is if you, by default, allow errors to bypass the alerting system. When all of our code is migrated, we'll change a config or something to enable alerting. That shouldn't be too hard."
Me: "Not going to happen. I made by-passing the alert system painful on purpose. If I make it easy, you'll never go back and change code."
Mgr2: "Oh, yes we will. Just mark that method as obsolete. That way, it will force us to fix the code."
Me: "The by-pass method is already obsolete and the teams are already ignoring the build warnings."
Mgr1: "No, that is not correct. We have a process to fix all build warnings related to obsolete methods."
Mgr2: "Yes. It won't be like the old system. We just never had time to go back and fix that code."
Me: "The method has been obsolete for almost a year. If your teams haven't fixed their code by now, it's not going to be fixed."
Mgr1: "You're expecting everything to be changed in one day. Our code base is way too big and there are too many changes to make. All we are asking for is a simple change that will give us the time we need to make the system better. We all want to make the system better…right?"
Me: "We made the changes to the core system over two years ago, and we had this same conversation, remember? If your team hasn't made any changes by now, they aren't going to. The only way they will change code to the new standard is if we make the old way painful. Sorry, that's the truth."
Mgr2: "Why did we make changes to the logging system? Why weren't any of us involved? If there were going to be all these changes, our team should have been part of the process."
Me: "You were and declined every meeting and every attempt to include your area. Considering the massive amount of infrastructure changes there was zero code changes required by your team. The new system simply worked. You can't take advantage of the new features which is why we're here today. I'm here to offer my help in any way I can with the transition."
Mgr1: "The new logging doesn't support logging of the different web page areas. Until you can make that change, we can't begin changing our code."
Me: "Logging properties is just a name+value pair dictionary. All you need to do is standardize on a name and how you add it to the collection."
Mgr2: "So, it's not a standard field? How difficult would it be to change the core assembly? This has to be standard across all our areas and shouldn't be up to the developers to type in anything they want."
- Frack wads smile and nod to each other like fracking chickens in a feeding frenzy
Me: "It can, but what will you call this property? What controls its value?"
- The look I got from both the d-bags I could tell a blood vessel popped.
Mgr1: "Oh…um….I don't know…Area? Yea … Area."
Mgr2: "Um…that's not specific enough. How about Page?"
Mgr1: "Well, pages can cross different areas, and areas cross different pages…what do you think?"
Me: "Don't know, don't care. It's up to you. I just need a name."
Mgr2: "Modules! Our MVC framework is broken up in Modules."
DevMgr: "We already have a field for Module. It's how we're segmenting the different business processes"
Mgr1: "Doesn't matter, we'll come up with a name later. Until then, we won't make any changes until there is a name."
DevMgr: "So what did we accomplish?"
Me: "That we need to review the web's logging and alerting process and make sure we're capturing errors being hidden as warnings."
Mgr1: "Nooo….we didn't accomplish anything. This meeting had no agenda and no purpose. We should have been included in the logging process changes from day one."
Mgr2: "I agree, I'm not sure why we're here"
Me: "This was a brainstorming meeting as listed in the agenda. We've accomplished 2 of the 4 items. I think we've established your commitment to making the system better. Thank you all for coming."

- Mgr1 and 2 left without looking at me or saying a word.

Yesterday, I put the final touches on a massive system using hundreds of classes, with thousands of lines of code, all easily maintained because of the way I used abstract classes, and coding to an interface, stubs, etc. And all instantiated with a near english fluent api. With detailed logging and even contacts me when there's problems, result of a year's work. I felt like a genius

Today, this fucking simple contact form that won't do what I want it to for the past 4 hours...

This one happened to me two years ago:

Off on holiday overseas, just arrived and decide to check my Emails. Easy peasy..."Hey, we noticed you're logging in from a different country. We sent a security code to your backup account."

Welp, fine, login to my backup account: "Hey, we..." Can anybody guess the problem here? Yep, my primary account was the backup account for my backup. Lovely circular dependency.

Microsofts solution: Play the guessing game, where you name us Emails, Contacts and Folders to prove it's yours and we might unlock your account... or not (managed to get it back on the 2nd try)

Thank you Microsoft for ensuring my workfree, email-free holiday.

At work, all errors within the site are logged into our database with a subject and error column. SQL errors are logged in the subject field while the traceback is put in the error column. However, a lot of SQL errors are really large and exceed the max character width of the subject field, causing yet another SQL error, and the cycle repeats. This recursive error has been the bane of my existence, because 1) it times my local dev instance out and 2) the error doesn't end up getting logged because the server both freezes and the error can't be inserted in the database. You can't even begin to imagine how many hours I've wasted trying to find what line I changed cause total and utter failure with absolutely 0 error logging. Next thing on my todo list is to fix this fucking issue since the head dev refuses to get it done.

Spent hours troubleshooting an internal app that had zero logging today. It would just terminate, no exceptions, no feedback to the debugger, NOTHING.

Turned out to be the damn corporate virus scanner blocking "malicious" behaviour. Good thing my desk is so heavy or I woulda flipped it...

If you think parametised queries will save the day think again.

I occasionally test sites I visit throwing a few quotes at inputs and query params.

I also always test logging in as % with user or pass.

Not only are plaintext passwords a thing but so is this:

WHERE username LIKE ? AND password LIKE ?.

Once I saw an OR.

Python's inconsistent naming - mainly in parts of the language that have existed since the dawn of time so they don't follow PEP8 or whatever. Especially the `logging` module has far too much camel case

Helpdesk: We can't figure out our own ambigious error message, you should solve it in another way...

Me: I see in the console that I get an execption response with an ID, you must be logging these exceptions, can't you check those?

Me thinking: you've just reduced yourself to desk without the help part

Time logging in multiple applications that takes so long you have to log that time too!

Just spend about 2 hours debugging a simple piece of code just to find out it actually worked but never wrote to the logs as it was supposed to...

Once I implemented a giant ASCII skull for logging a fatal error in the company's app. Let's just say my feature did not get to production.

Docker's encapsulation is amazing! I don't have to know anything about networking to get a swarm running with some demo services all talking to each other and central logging and... oh I fucked something up... better read about networking so I know what I broke

This rant is about myself and anyone whos like me: using logs over a debugger

So, sometimes when I wanna quick check something or make sure, if and when something get's executed or I've ran into a Problem, I add a few log/print statements to check in console.

But I don't think about proper and helpful messages, since they aren't supposed to stay in code. So I often type what comes in my mind, like memes or song lyrics.

The last time this became a huge act, was Code review/ Prototype demonstration with Clients (which I didn't knew about, otherwise I would have removed them, I swear) and Boss and my Code printed "show bob and va...", "send nudes" and stuff... in loop... to stdout

I like my log messages to indicate automatically where in the code something happened, so that I can easily identify where a message originated from while tracking down problems.

In C/C++ this is nice and easy - write a logging routine, wrap it in macros for the different log levels and have that automatically output __FILE__, __LINE__ etc.

I wanted to do something similar in NodeJS, as I'd found myself manually writing the file name in the log message and then splitting functionality out into new files and it became a mess.

The only way I found to be able to do this was to create an "Error" object and access the "stack" member of it. This is a string containing a stack backtrace, suitable for writing to console/file. I just wanted the filename/line/routine.

So I ended up splitting the string into lines, then for each of the lines, trimming the surrounding spaces (or tabs?), and parsing them to see if the stack entry is inside my logger module. The first entry outside of that module must therefore be the thing that called it, so I then parse out the routine or object and method, filename and line number.

It's a lot of clumsy work but the output is pretty neat. I just wish it were simpler!

Spotted a new feature that had just recently being completed: "Disable all Logging due to noise". What.

Us on the Ops team just died a bit inside...

Why doesn't Twitter have a public API without authentication for simple stuff, such as reading tweets. One can do that without logging in on the website, why shouldn't code be able to do it.

Bunyan

Bunyan is a simple and fast JSON logging library for node.js services

Server logs should be structured. JSON's a good format. Let's do that. A log record is one line of JSON.stringify'd output. Let's also specify some common names for the requisite and common fields for a log record.

I spent 2 hours on Python logging system instead of doing real data science.
Really this module feels poorly designed.

This rant exsists for @ReportBot's logging.

I do not recommend commenting on this unless you want to be spammed with notifications

Logging work in Jira, because it goes against the whole ethos of trusting people to get the work done when they have to log exactly how much time they spent on each individual story. It also doesnt account for pair programming. so 2 people log the same time and it looks like the story took twice as long. I’ll stop now because I’m precariously close to opening the “time based estimates” can of worms and thats for another rant.

Step one:
Change their prompt.

# put this in their .bashrcexport PS1="Login: "

Step two:  
Add an alias for their username, and for any other account names they might try logging in as, for example, 'root'.

# put these in their .bashrc too:aliasjoe='stty -echo; echo -n "Password: ";read;echo;echo "Login failed.";stty echo'aliasroot='stty -echo; echo -n "Password: ";read;echo;echo "Login failed.";stty echo'

Step three:
Try not to laugh your head off, as they struggle.

Login: joePassword:Login failed.Login: joePassword:Login failed.Login:Login:Login: rootPassword:Login failed.Login:Login: pwd/home/joeLogin:

Truly devious folks may want to explore setting the "command-not-found" hook to prompt, read, and echo "Login failed" rather than using various aliases.  You can combine that with changing the PATH to be "/" or some other directory which is devoid of executable programs.

That doesn't cover every case - your victim could still, for example, run /usr/bin/vim or similar - but it goes sufficiently further that I'll omit the implementation for moral reasons.

One of my colleagues just tried to deny a buggy code change was his on the grounds that the new code contains logging and he never uses logging.

Developer just emailed our team a complaint that our logging assembly was resulting in their poor test coverage and they sent a change request to give them the ability to mock the underlying log provider (ex. from the event log to ‘something else’).

Looked at their tests, and they are testing whether or not the .Log was executed (on an exception, if the .Log method was not executed, the test failed), which seemed a bit worthless because we’ve already got coverage in our unit tests.
We had a meeting to discuss the issue.
Me: “I’m OK with changing the logging code if it’s necessary, but I want to understand why.”
DevA: “Logging errors is crucial to the database transaction. If someone removes the logging, the tests should fail.”
Me: “If someone removes the error logging on purpose, then they likely have an agenda and will remove the test validation too. It wouldn’t be an accident.”
DevA: “That’s not my problem. They will have to deal with HR.”
Me: “We purposely prevented someone from intercepting the logging just for that purpose. Your test code already covers the business rule, testing the logging seems out of place. That would like writing a test to make sure the System.IO.File.ReadAllText actually reads all the text from a file. You kinda assume a few smart Microsoft engineers already wrote tests for that.”
DevA: “Yea, I guess that would be silly.”

Got cc’ed an email a little bit ago from DevA to his boss..
“We’re not going to be able to change logging assembly. This may have some impact on our overall test coverage as those lines of code will not get testing coverage. You will have to let the DevMgr know we will not meet our test coverage goals.”

WTF!

Ran the build today 4:30 and found out our grunt file is missing some pretty critical error checks without even logging a warning. A dependency was unavailable and it was pushed to production. The site was down for 30+ minutes.

For the past 5+ years all I’ve heard from DevA and DevB is what a mess our source control is, we should be using our own custom nuget feeds,..Monday morning quarterback this…Monday morning quarterback that.
This year the department manager gave them the green light to start from scratch. Like ‘green field’ start from scratch. If I were involved, I would have been excited with such an opportunity.
For the past two hours all I’ve heard is ..
DevA: “What should we call this namespace?”
DevB: “I don’t know, I can’t make that decision.”
DevA: “Yea, that’s a business decision. Let’s call it Common for now.”
DevB: “Yea, it’s stupid, but we can change it later.”
DevA: “What about logging project?”
DevB: “Well, how about Core? Every project should have a Core.”
DevA:”Ha ha…like .Net Core. I like it.”

On and on…it’s all I can do from throwing my chair right now.

Setting the log level to wtf is insurance that if it compiles, your app is guaranteed to work.

I needed to log in on a website in someone else's pc and didn't know the password by heart. I thought I'd log into chrome, if I log out later, what could go wrong right?

Apparently, a lot. It facking merged my bookmarks, history and passwords with hers! And she had shitloads of them! It took me facking hours to clean up the mess chrome created. I trust her, but I still didn't want her to have my passwords etc.

Omg I'm never logging into chrome again elsewhere, what a frustrating facking waste of time

When older family members have entire notebooks dedicated to logging obscure, easily-hackable passwords, but then download any app in the world that promises to "make your phone run like new!" (by using 30MB more RAM on God-knows how much malware)
We aren't doing a good job of educating people if anyone we know can fall victim to those kinds of hackneyed procedures and snake-oil apps. It's almost painful to watch, and have to be the bad guy by telling someone dear to me they've been making things worse for themselves because of a seemingly harmless app that they were almost proud of.

Logging literally everything from every service into one giant super log db for us to sift through.

It is expensive, it is stupid, and it is set to .info() level always forever no exceptions.

They call it security questions.
I call it social engineering backdoor.

I'm supposed to enter those questions after logging into my account and I'm not able to skip it nor to set a proper two factor method.

Well, fuck you. Did you ever thought about dying by a two factor method? Ever watched a Saw movie? You got the idea.

Nothing makes me not want to take a full-time job at your company more than having to go through IT tickets every quarter year when my password expires to actually change my password. Why have a fucking self-service portal for employees if logging in with an expired password doesn't work and the reset password link tells me that I need to log in to enroll with security questions (???). It feels like these websites are glued together with sticks and spit and there's a million of them each sporting one specific purpose! I have to go through this shit multiple times since I'm an intern and I didn't have access to my account through the course of the semester. Get your fucking shit together!

I was told to build a logging app for one of the work streams on my project. The lead briefly brainstormed about the data fields they'd need to log and told me to go make it.

I am handing off the app and they ask me what they are supposed to put in each field.

Me: oh [team lead] just told me to put in these fields, but you guys are going to use it so why don't you tell me which fields you need and I can change it easily.

They refuse to tell me how to build the app they're going to use and will definitely complain about it not doing what they want later.

Finally managed to get my CNN working with proper tensorboard logging. Think I'm starting to understand how it works.

But it got overfitted...

"Let's just add a logging system to our dependency"
No. You fucking idiot. DON'T INCLUDE A CUSTOM LOGGING SYSTEM INTO A DEPENDENCY FOR IMAGE MANIPULATION. I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING BULLSHIT LOGGING WHEN I'M FUCKING HANDLING IT MYSELF FOR MY ALREADY EXISTING SOFTWARE!! HOW DUMB CAN YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER BE TO TELL ME TO JUST "IGNORE" THE MESSAGES IN THE CONSOLE WHEN I'M BUILDING A FUCKING CLI BASED SOFTWARE??!!

This morning, I was logging in on the site I was working on without problem.

After lunch, I couldn't log in. No reason why.

Then I found out why. Someone modified the login in database, and warned everyone.

Everyone except the ones that are working on the website (me and my team).

Broke: logging into GitHub to pull changes from a private repo

Woke: changing the repo from private to public, pulling unauthenticated, and then changing back to private.

I hate log files.

Windows is so magical. I mean it doesn't support syslog which is in a way essential in large environments. Today my coworker told me about a tool named nxlog which has the function to send log messages from windows directly to a central syslog server. It can also read files... well theoretical because nxlog does not accept ":" as a valid character... cya C:\something

At my last place we launched a new payment page and added logging.

Who ever set the logging up didn't obfuscate the user card details and stored them in the db for anyone with access to see. :-O

I'm so sick of devs not caring what happens after they push their code. A new feature was released on the front-end two weeks ago but the backend was never deployed. It's been logging errors for 2 weeks now.

I know I'm equally at fault for not noticing but I feel like the only person that ever notices things like this. I also discovered a data issue today by looking at the error logs.

How can I get my teammates to be more invested in how the service runs live?

In appraisal discussion,

Boss : Give me good reason why should we give you 30% appraisal!!!

Employee ( After logging into prod machine) : I am going to quit this job 😅😅

No your nested if statements dont make an ai the same way logging into a txt is not machine learning

Bruh, imagine paying taxes for a site that literally throws a cryptic error message, instead of telling you "Page not found", because those retards literally redirect to /Account/Login after successfully logging in.

Even better, most people here are don't understand English well enough to understand what is going on.

And I pretty much doubt an admin has been informed...

Boss: I don't want centralized error logging

Me: But we have 50+ client sites running the same web app, why the fuck wouldn't we?

Boss: What if the database is offline, then we wouldn't be able to log exceptions

Me: *beats head against desk*

The real life of me as a trainee developer:

New system works locally but fails to work in production and dev.

Proceeds at futile attempts to debug for hours to find out that my connection strings in the transforms were nested inside logging.

Log4j. My boss asked me to add it to a project. Had an issue with logging, went to docs. why do I need to read a whole fucking textbook to log messages to a file?

Just got handed a dozen servers. Documentation shows a (Linux) database cluster is using ldap authentication. I try logging in with my creds. No joy. I look up the root password and log in.

Not only is it not configured to use ldap, it's also not clustered.

I need more coffee.

Half of my code is logging to the console.

Super brilliant idea for Windows: when logging on with a password that is only slightly mistyped, or with the consecutively appended number from the previous month, it should still be accepted. So much more usability - Microsoft just cannot reject that!