JS ♥️
Wasted almost 2h on this, wondering why Chrome wasn't hitting the breakpoint:

$.ajax({
url: "/Controller/Endpoint",
type: "GET",
sucess: function(data) {
debug;
},
error: function(error) {
console.log(error);
}
});

My bank's website is the shittiest fucking site in the world. It literally kills my phone, to the point where my browser takes a full 5 minutes to exit.
The latest bug I mean feature they have rolled out interrupts your login with a fullscreen modal which asks if you want the app or to continue on the site.
Well, the fact that I'm in a browser means I've already made up my mind so why don't you go and fuck yourself? And based on the quality of your website, do you really think I want to voluntarily install software that you've sellotaped together onto my device?
Thought not.
Go and fuck yourself you pieces of shit.

Heard nothing back from an interview I attended 3 weeks ago. I'm sure this sort of thing is common, but it's never happened to me before.
It's so shitty and unprofessional.
The interview was a joke anyway, bouncing between business questions (strictly non-technical, as I learned that one of the interviewers thought Bootstrap and JS were the same), a written test for a Junior (testing to see if you knew arrays started at 0), then random technical questions which didn't allow me to prove what I could actually do.
So what the fuck are you recruiting for here, a business person, Junior, Mid or Senior developer?!
Total fucking bullshit.
Surely the best way to test a candidate is to let them try to fix a recent bug from your app?
Annoying because I know I can do the job.
Fuck you and your shitty fucking questions.

Linkedin looks like some devs went to Facebook, right clicked, saved a copy of the webpage and just edited some of the text. Why do we need "Like" and "Comment" features?
It was fine when it was just a professional networking site. Boring, sure, but at least it did the thing it was created to do.
It's all very cringe now.
PS I got my current job and will probably get my next job through Linkedin, but it still makes me cringe

Me: Arrays start at 0
Tennis: Arrays start at 0 then go 15, 30, 40, IndexOutOfBoundsException

Twitter app update: Home/Search/Notifications/Messages buttons jump from the top of the screen to the bottom. What a productive sprint this must have been at Twitter.

Interviewer: Question 1: What's the most important skill of a software developer?
Me: Thanks for the opportunity, I'll show myself out.

Devops scheduled an automated live release for 5pm.
I saw them drive out of the car park at 4:30pm.
Not a single fuck given 😂

Attendance at the daily standup [related to a project that hasn't even started yet] is mandatory!
What did you work on yesterday?
An unrelated project.
What are you working on today?
An unrelated project.
What are you working on for the next 3-6 months?
You guessed it: An unrelated project.
Any blockers?
This is interfering with an unrelated project, but when Agile says "jump", you say "how high?"!

FFS if you're Ajaxing some shit onto your crappy webpage, show that it's loading.
Even just "Loading..." is better than making me click on a random piece of shit on the page because the thing I wanted to click jumped down the screen a nano-second before I clicked it because you Ajaxed some cookie warning/advert above it.
The Internet is becoming unusable.

I had literally JUST learned to code, after completing an online course. I had played around making some tiny C# programs was looking for my first Junior job. A recruiter got in touch and to him I sounded like I knew what I was talking about. So he contacted the employer, called me back me later on and said that the employer wanted to see some sample code of mine.
"Sure!" I said eagerly and pasted my programs into an email. My two programs were probably about 20 lines of code in total - both Console apps. One was a stopwatch which I "hadn't quite got working yet", the other a Quadratic Equation solver.
The response came back that I was "too Junior for the position".
I know we all have to start somewhere, but I painfully cringe when I think about this employer and probably alll the devs there crowding around his monitor, pissing themselves at my tiny programs.

I think I fucked up today's interview. Opening with non-technical questions really threw me off kilter.
"What happened the last time you conflicted with another team member?"
IDK, ask me what "static" means in C# or just let me solve "FizzBuzz".

How is it that a customer ends up "failing" some development work which was our (my) idea, presented to them as a proof-of-concept solution to a problem?
Mentioning some phantom specification and saying "it's not this and it's not that".
You'll get what you're given you fucking little retard piece of shit. Sorry I opened my fucking mouth, you can struggle in future you stupid, inconsiderate fucking hollow-brained bastard. Shove it up your arse and take your manager's dick out of your mouth. They think you're a fucking prick too, just like your parents.

MISGUIDED
adjective
1. Led or prompted by wrong or inappropriate motives or ideals.
2. Generating a Guid and realising that it's identical to a previously generated Guid

Every day in our standup bullshit, we have a few of our offshore team join via Skype. It always fucks up somehow, bad connection, quiet volume or dropped connections, all of which are quite hilarious but today a new benchmark was set.
We (the humans physically there) all did our standup, then it was over to the offshore team.
A voice came out of the speakers which sounded like someone had applied an effect to a spoken mp3 which slowed it down to about 10% speed. It was deep AF and slow AF and I couldn't speak properly after it for approximately 40 minutes 😂
My eyes were all red and puffy from literally crying with laughter.
Best. Standup. Ever.

Fuck, got one of my Twitter bots permanently suspended. Twitter won't even tell me why.
It was called "gifb0t" and simply searched for "favourite gif" every hour and Retweeted 5 of the search results.
It turned up some killer gifs.
But it also sometimes (unintentionally) found porn gifs... Maybe someone complained?
Frustrating as I have other bots that are allowed to keep running.
Farewell and thanks, gifb0t!
And fuck you, Twitter.

"We need you to give 110% so that the total is greater than the sum of the parts... Eg: 1 + 1 > 2"
You're addressing a team who use logic to make you money. What the fuck are we supposed to do with this shit?
1 + 1 > 2?
false
Fuck off.

Spent 2 days refactoring code written by our "offshore team". I've done refactoring on the same code in the past, probably upto about a week in total of refactoring now. The code looked like it was written by someone who had literally just finished their first "Hello World" app - loads of code blocks copied and pasted instead of declaring reusable functions.
The whole thing should have been done by us in the first place.
And yet our money-conscious company wants to employ more of these developers. Cheaper than us? Sure. Quantity over quality though, but I guess money is all that matters to the big cheese

It's taken me 39 months but I've finally shook off the "Junior" label. I know I've not been a Junior for quite some time now, but it's only just recently been made official.
Next step is to be paid what I'm actually worth.

We have this C# class which is like the core of our entire business logic. If you are in another class and it doesn't contain an argument in the constructor and/or property of that core class you're gonna have a bad time.
That core class has lots of useful business logic bools, "IsSomething", "HasSomething" etc. However that core class has a parameterless constructor which is sprinkled dangerously throughout our app, meaning the object is often not initialised properly and it's a 2 day mindfuck to make sure your "IsSomething" bool is actually false and not just false because the other business logic that bool relies on wasn't initialised and the bool has never had a chance to be true.
It's difficult to trust even a simple "if' statement. And if you're somewhere were you've had a list of that core class passed in, you need to trace how the list was initialised to make sure all your bools have been set 😴

Looks legit...

I've been a "firefighter" on our big money-making project for like a year now and probably will be for the next year. Every sprint, fully booked out.
However, this sprint, some people think I have time to brainstorm, learn new tech and attend meetings related to a completely new project.
"Will it done in 2 weeks?"
"How long do you estimate?"
I can knock up a rough version of your fucking application in about a week if someone grows some fucking balls and schedules me some fucking time for it. STFU and stop interrupting my other work. Allocate some time or shove it up your ass so far until you regurgitate it then swallow it again and choke on it.

Been invited to a bi-weekly meeting about a project that I'm not even working on yet.
I think I'll just go and cut my own brake cables then drive home.

Bug raised: "Please investigate these CRTICAL issues immediately, the system is not working properly"

Translation: "We're too stupid to use our own system, the system that we created the specification for. Please re-educate us and explain that these are not actually issues (immediately). But we're gonna CC every motherfucker in the company so they KNOW you fucked up and the pressure is on you to fix it, bitch! Huehuehuehue"

Don't ask me about jobs I'm working on 10 minutes before the fucking standup.
That's what the fucking standup is for.
Pre-standup standup.

Work enforced a screensaver policy - a corporate screensaver that even us local admin devs can't change.
I swiftly made a .reg script and distributed it.
We all laugh whenever someone's "Ribbons" screensaver starts up.
I love using my powers for evil.

Management: "We have a Team Building session next week"
Colleague A: "Paintballing"
Colleague B: "Go-Karting"
On the day: "Welcome. Today we will be playing an IT Helpdesk Role Playing Game"

Kill me.

My path to software development was: Hardware Engineer, Helpdesk Analyst, self-taught Junior C# Developer...
Will not studying CS become a hinderance later in my career?

My new phone - the Motorola C Plus - has insane battery life.
Took it off charge Monday 07:30am with 100% battery.
It's now Thursday 11:00pm and it still has 10% battery.
You're looking at 90 hours Standby right there. Damm, Motorola.
I put it on Airplane mode when I sleep and have the screen brightness turned down, but still.
That's impressive.

100% focused, balls-deep in the zone, not sure I could have recalled my own name if you'd asked me...
Suddenly out of nowhere, someone's asking me about a job I worked on over a week ago. I'm mostly answering in just a few syllables, struggling to surface from 20 layers of Call Stack.
This goes on for a full 5 minutes before they say, "sorry were you busy?"
No, I was just about to beat Solitaire.
Of course I was fucking busy jesus fucking christ, did you not see all that code and shit on my fucking screen when you suddenly and urgently had to disturb me?