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This one is for devs and gamers.
But first some background story.
My girlfriend is special. Not just generically lovey mush mush special. She is 1 in 100 more accurately 1 in 10000. She was born with a rare Congenital Heart Defect {CHD}. Called Truncus Arteriosus or TA for sake of brevity. TA's main thing is the two main arteries going into the heart are fused together and never seperated at birth. It's bad news. There is no cure for this kind of thing. Simply repairs that happen over the course of life.
So here is me. Desperately trying to find a way to get the word about this and the 40 other types of CHD out there in the world. I thought. "What if I make a game..." Not based around the medical jargon but on a level people could understand. I spent the better part of the last six years attending appointments with her and still don't get it. What I do get is her Emotional state. How her CHD causes her to think and feel.
So here is the pitch.
The game is about a girl who is diagnosed at birth with a CHD. She is now in her 20's and has to undergo an open heart surgery to repair the defect. The day comes. She goes under but when she wakes up she find herself in a final fantasy style environment. This new world has a darkness cast over it. She is unknowingly the hero of this world and she has to face off with multiple bosses of varied degrees of evil.
Then after beating these bosses she really wakes up from the surgery. Waking up to the realization that the world she saved was herself. And all the bosses were manifestations of her own internal feelings. Depression, anxiety, hopelessness, Denise, desire and so on.
I would sell this game with the caveat that 2/3 of all profits get split between the Adult Congenital Heart Association and Project Heart. As those are the two main organizations that deal heavily with creating standards of care and raising awareness for CHD survivors.
Thoughts?
Note: I am still learning game dev. This is an eventual goal for me.33 -
I love the Hollywood Technical Jargon Generator:
"The SDRAM transmitter is down, compress the auxiliary address so we can synthesize the GB matrix!"3 -
You know you are getting closer to becoming a programmer when you start mixing jargon with normal language.
"We need to update the Nutella"
This seriously needs to stop though.5 -
On call: part 2... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ASK US TO STOP RESTORING *YOUR* SERVICES SO *YOUR* CUSTOMER HAS ACCESS TO *YOUR* STUFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SLEEP. If you call me because shits down, I'm going to fucking fix it. Idgaff if you're tired because it's been an 8 hour day, I've been working for 15 hours and I am contractually obligated to get this shit up asap and you needing your fucking beauty sleep is not a damn good reason to fuck up my contact...
(They got my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss on the line who told them that but nicer -its why she gets paid more- and they still insisted. But at least they owe US more money to cover some *legal contractual mumbled jargon* it makes it better, and it's documented so they can't turn it around on us)
Will someone please send coffee? I have 2 more days of this.7 -
Why the hell can't PMs understand "it's complicated" without asking for an explanation? EVERY time any dev has said that and they ask why, guess what follows?
Technical jargon they don't get.
Do they think we're lazy and trying to wiggle out of work? Do they not trust us? Do they think explaining it to them will somehow provide some insight that will make it less complicated?
Argh10 -
Summary: Burnout, and everything's broken.
I don't feel like doing a damn thing today. I look at the code and cringe. I look at Slack and think "ugh. i can't." Mental capitals are even too much work.
(I've started reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" to try and combat burnout. I'll write a rant/story about it here if I find it helpful. but all I want to do today is drink tea and read.)
But onto the story:
Heroku is deprecating support for and will automatically upgrade any old verisons of Postgres running on its platform after August something (like five days from now).
I performed the upgrade to PG10 on Sunday (and late into the night), provisioning a new follower, blah blah blah.
However, the version of Rails we're using (4.2.x) doesn't support PG10 sequences, so I manually added in support via a monkeypatch. I did this on our QA servers first, obviously, and everything worked as expected. After half a day of no issues, I did the same on production, and again: everything worked as expected.
But today? I keep hearing about new things that are broken. One specific type of alert doesn't work for one specific person (wat). Can't send [redacted] at all. Can't update merchants! Yet there are magically no errors logged.
That last one (well, two) are just great; let me explain: when there's an error concerning merchants, the error gets caught, isn't logged or recorded anywhere so it just disappears, and the rescue block triggers a json response instead and happily exits. This is for an internal admin tool, so returning a user-friendly error is kinda stupid anyway, but masking what actually happened? fuck that dev with an obelisk made from spikes and solidified pain. That json response is also lovely: it's a 200 OK returning {status: 1, data: "[generic message containing incorrect IT jargon]"}. Doesn't even say "error" anywhere. Bloody everything about this pattern is absolutely wrong. Even the friggin' text.
Fucking hell. I want to pipe the entire codebase into shred and walk out the door.
But I digress. So many things are broken, my motivation is wanning to a sliver, and I have a conference call today where I'll undoubtedly be asked why everything is on smoking and/or on fire, and my huge and overly productive week last week will ofc mean nothing by contrast.
Ugh.
`shred ~/dev/work -zfu -n 32 &; ./brew tea --hot && wine ~/takeabreak.exe`21 -
"We need you to give 110% so that the total is greater than the sum of the parts... Eg: 1 + 1 > 2"
You're addressing a team who use logic to make you money. What the fuck are we supposed to do with this shit?
1 + 1 > 2?
false
Fuck off.7 -
Pigeon programming: managers who used to be Devs come to 'have a look' at the code, take a crap all over everything, and then leave.1
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My TEN YEAR OLD twin girls came to me with a TIMESHEET and PIE CHARTS to explain to me why "Our household would benefiter (sic) a Nintendo Switch".
They... actually did what for an intern would be a passable data storytelling job (orthographic errors aside).
They explained how they would share the videogame between themselves (because it is not allowed at their school, not that we would let them bring it there anyway) in a colorful timesheet spanning four days a week.
They even put a pie chart showing how most of the time nobody will be using it.
I feel at the same time immensely proud, scared, and a wee bit freaked out that they came with all that to me but with their mother they just talked. Do I seem so distant that they feel they can't convince me without data? I gotta watch out for using work jargon at home.
Anyway, first "interns" that I have ever seen using a pie chart with the appropriate number of classes (even if highly biased).9 -
"i love the smell of possibility in the morning" i said.....
"Gradle build failed with errors"
--computer replied :)1 -
Oh wow, so many memorable co-workers, though typically not in a positive way. I guess the most memorable was this project manager who got his job solely through nepotism. He was a fucking moron, putting it lightly. He would rattle off buzzwords and jargon that he had randomly picked up in a completely nonsensical way, which made him sound even more ridiculous. He didn't seem to notice our blank stares.
Anyway, since he loved to show everyone just how awesome he was, he had to have the latest and greatest laptop. He had some top-of-the-line model which cost an insane amount of cash back in the day, but of course he got bored of it when something better came out six months later. So he decided to sell his old laptop.
Now, this was his personal laptop he was selling but we were about three months away from launching a top-secret project which had a seven figure budget and a lot riding on it. So what did this absolute goose do? He sold his laptop unformatted with a metric shit ton of confidential files and documents on it. As fate would have it... he sold it to someone who just so happened to work for a competing company.
Cut to about two and a half months later, around two weeks before the launch of this massive project, our competition comes out with something incredibly similar and beat us to market. Aghast, senior management then found out that they had obtained a treasure trove of confidential information from this numpty's laptop, handed to them on a silver platter.
The following Monday, with a sombre mood in the office, this guy cheerfully comes in through the door and is immediately yanked into the boardroom by management. What followed was around thirty minutes of brutal, relentless, non-stop shouting, table- banging and obscenities. When it finally stopped, the door quietly opened, this guy walks out as white as a sheet, turns towards the exit and left the building.
We never saw him again.4 -
FFUUUuucccckkk me sideways. So I decided to look into USB type-c's power delivery and alt modes. Cause I kinda want to make an adapter card to run my displays over a single cable. TLDR of the rest: USB-C has some huge capabilities which noone is interested in using since its way to complex to handle for what its worth in the end.
Now PD alone is kinda ok to deal with since a lot of powerbanks use it and some hobby guys documented how to work with it. I find it really odd thou that you NEED to use a dedicated IC for using the configuration chanel to negotiate how much power you can draw. Why the USB standard didnt use some simple 5V low speed signalling? Also the standard says that you only have to implement 5v 0.6A with every other power level being optional. (This is also true for cables. Most manufacturers use only the USB 2.0 standard for them and brag about how fast type-C is. ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) )
Now to the alt modes. These motherfuckers are a real shitshow to deal with. First you need a Mux to deal with USB-C's two way insertion, so your signals wont get flipped. Next thing is that you have four lanes at your disposal in alt mode. Which you can either use for four Display Port Lanes or two DP lanes and two USB 3.0 lanes. (You always get USB 2.0) Now you may think that there would be one simple chip to do it all? Nope you need atleast two at the price of 6$ each. One for PD and one for Alt modes. Both are very hard to solder (QFN, 0.5 mm pitch 40+ pins) TI ended up being the only one with a decent offering of IC's that do what I need. As for working with them, you would think that you just slap a simple MCU on there that communicates over I2C or SPI to configure the chips? Nope! You program the chips memory from which it configures itsself. And the programming is done with some TI tool which gives me no idea as to how you can handle everything whith no control logic behind it.
Looking into alternative IC's leaves me with cypress semi. And their documentation is basically a total mess. I wanna know what that chip is good for and what I need to do to make it work. I dont care about technical details mixed with marketing jargon nobody understands. And I really despise that I have to register just to download a datasheet. Especially since there is no info about it on the main page.
And this whole rant hasnt even touched the topic that USB-C only uses DP and nothing else. So you better hope that you have DP++ so you can use a passive conversion.
This was my Ted Talk about USB-C. Some info in it may be subject to my stupidity and errors as it currently is 02:15 in the morning and I need some sleep.14 -
Had to interview a "Tech Lead" who apparently has 9 years of experience in Enterprise Java, AWS, spring cloud, microservices and all the in-demand tech jargon you can think of. Plus has mentioned he has cleared OCJP (java certification) with 90% marks.
So I ask him how do microservices work - he says there's another team handling it.
I give a simple string manipulation problem and ask him to write code in an IDE or explain the logic with pseudocode and get this..
He says since he is a lead I cannot ask him to write code and should only ask about his experience.
I'm like - Sure Sir. While I do that, I will also put in a strong recommendation for you to be hired, give up all my salary to you, become your slave for life and order your lunch everyday with my savings.6 -
Owner of the company I freelance for: The proposal I sent yesterday to [PR Company we do work for] got bounced back. They said it was incomplete.
Me: Well no shit, they didn't provide us with a detailed itinerary of everything they need, nor did they give us access to sections that they want copied to the new website. I can't and won't provide a full quote when I don't have all the information needed to build one. I would be guessing at this point and it would be shitty guesses.
Owner: Here's a proposal they got from another company. We need to make it like this [sends file].
Me: They mention a one sentence footnote about what I laid out. Everything else is marketing jargon that I don't know, because I'm a developer, not a marketer. I'm not sure what it is you want me to do, because you're asking the wrong person.
Owner: Are you going to help me or not?
Me: Help you with what? You got my notes. Paraphrase them if you need to, but I have more important things on my agenda, like being a web developer, not a proposal drafter. -
Buckle up, it's a long one.
Let me tell you why "Tree Shaking" is stupidity incarnate and why Rich Harris needs to stop talking about things he doesn't understand.
For reference, this is a direct response to the 2015 article here: https://medium.com/@Rich_Harris/...
"Tree shaking", as Rich puts it, is NOT dead code removal apparently, but instead only picking the parts that are actually used.
However, Rich has never heard of a C compiler, apparently. In C (or any systems language with basic optimizations), public (visible) members exposed to library consumers must have that code available to them, obviously. However, all of the other cruft that you don't actually use is removed - hence, dead code removal.
How does the compiler do that? Well, it does what Rich calls "tree shaking" by evaluating all of the pieces of code that are used by any codepaths used by any of the exported symbols, not just the "main module" (which doesn't exist in systems libraries).
It's the SAME FUCKING THING, he's just not researched enough to fully fucking understand that. But sure, tell me how the javascript community apparently invented something ELSE that you REALLY just repackaged and made more bloated/downright wrong (React Hooks, webpack, WebAssembly, etc.)
Speaking of Javascript, "tree shaking" is impossible to do with any degree of confidence, unlike statically typed/well defined languages. This is because you can create artificial references to values at runtime using string functions - which means, with the right input, almost anything can be run depending on the input.
How do you figure out what can and can't be? You can't! Since there is a runtime-based codepath and decision tree, you run into properties of Turing's halting problem, which cannot be solved completely.
With stricter languages such as C (which is where "dead code removal" is used quite aggressively), you can make very strong assertions at compile time about the usage of code. This is simply how C is still thousands of times faster than Javascript.
So no, Rich Harris, dead code removal is not "silly". Your entire premise about "live code inclusion" is technical jargon and buzzwordy drivel. Empty words at best.
This sort of shit is annoying and only feeds into this cycle of the web community not being Special enough and having to reinvent every single fucking facet of operating systems in your shitty bloated spyware-like browser and brand it with flashy Matrix-esque imagery and prose.
Fuck all of it.20 -
I would like to add a new word to the devrant glossary, next to !rant
Recursive rant - rant about another rant
Any one interested in building a devrant glossary with me? Comment the words you like to add 😅20 -
IF ONLY DOCUMENTATION WAS IN ENGLISH
In the past I've seen documentation that is great, and documentation that is conspicuous by it's absence.
Over the last decade, I've noticed documentation is getting WORSE.
I believe the reason for this is that those tasked with creating documentation have become so accustomed to the jargon in their own heads that they have LOST THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE IN ENGLISH, and as a consequence simply don't bother.
New terms such as "ThingamyJig" are defined as "A Collection of ThingamyJigs" — so you end up going round in circles and get back to square one.
They make little or no effort to provide simple examples.
If only companies who create languages understood that those who wrote the language may not be the best people to write the documentation.3 -
Deleted accounts could have a skeleton/corpse as the picture.
Adding "no offense" in the tags just to be a bit polite.6 -
>Get java "From zero to hero" book at the age of 12
>Follow along and despair at all the java jargon
>write small programs for fun
>ff to 14yo
>Get my first android phone (galaxy S3)
>Get android 4.0 book
>Follow along and despair at all the android jargon
>Develop small apps for fun
>Learn Java, C and python for the rest of high school
>discover functional programming (erlang/elixir) towards the end of highschool
>love_at_first_sight.jpg
>Learn said language
>Find first job and current job right after that
>happy
3 -
Client: Please add feature x in "here"
Me: Adds feature x in "here"
Fast forward to QA
QA: Test for feature x failed. Feature was added in "here" but is not in "there"
Me: There was no request to add x in "there"
Client: Feature x was already supposed to be in "there", you might have removed it.
Me: *Checks file where feature would be added.
* Git blame show no changes since received we the project (one major release back)
Lying cunt. I'm sick of your literally incomprehensible tasks giving government fucks, speak human language not overhead driven bureaucracy-jargon3 -
"The word ‘tokenizer’ makes a lot more sense, but ‘lexer’ is so much fun to say that I use it anyway."
No wonders people think a lot of programming subjects are intimidating.3 -
Oh, gather 'round fellow wizards of the code realm! 🧙✨ Let me regale you with the epic tale of software sorcery and the comical misadventures that come with it! 🤪🎉
So there we are, facing the dreaded Internet Explorer dragon 🐉 - an ancient, stubborn beast from the era of dial-up connections and clipart-laden websites. It breathes fire on our carefully crafted layouts, turning them into a pixelated disaster! 🔥😱
And then, the grand quest of cross-browser testing begins! 🚀🌍 One moment, your website is a shining knight in Chrome's armor, and the next, it's a jester in Safari's court. A circus of compatibility struggles! 🎪🤹
CSS, the arcane art of cascading style sheets, is our magic wand. But oh, the incantations can be treacherous! A slight misstep and your buttons start disco dancing, and your text transforms into a microscopic mystery! 🕺👀
But fear not, brave developers! We wield the enchanted sword of Stack Overflow and the shield of Git version control. We shall slay bugs and refactor with valor! ⚔️🐞
In this enchanted land, documentation is the mystical parchment, often written in the cryptic dialect of ancient monks. "This function doeth stuff, thou knoweth what I meaneth." 📜😅
And meetings, oh the meetings! 🗣️🤯 It's like a conference of babbling brooks in the forest of Jargon. "Let us discuss the velocity of the backlog!" 🌿🐇
But amidst the chaos, we code on! Armed with our emojis and a bubbling cauldron of coffee, we persist. For we are the wizards and witches of the digital age, conjuring spells in Python and brewing potions in Java. 🐍☕
Onward, magical beings of code! 🚀 May your bugs be few, and your merges conflict-free! 🙌🎩3 -
A software had been developed over a decade ago. With critical design problems, it grew slower and buggier over time.
As a simple change in any area could create new bugs in other parts, gradually the developers team decided not to change the software any more, instead for fixing bugs or adding features, every time a new software should be developed which monitors the main software, and tries to change its output from outside! For example, look into the outputs and inputs, and whenever there's this number in the output considering this sequence of inputs, change the output to this instead.
As all the patchwork is done from outside, auxiliary software are very huge. They have to have parts to save and monitor inputs and outputs and algorithms to communicate with the main software and its clients.
As this architecture becomes more and more complex, company negotiates with users to convince them to change their habits a bit. Like instead of receiving an email with latest notifications, download a csv every day from a url which gives them their notifications! Because it is then easier for developers to build.
As the project grows, company hires more and more developers to work on this gigantic project. Suddenly, some day, there comes a young talented developer who realizes if the company develops the software from scratch, it could become 100 times smaller as there will be no patchwork, no monitoring of the outputs and inputs and no reverse engineering to figure out why the system behaves like this to change its behavior and finally, no arrangement with users to download weird csv files as there will be a fresh new code base using latest design patterns and a modern UI.
Managers but, are unaware of technical jargon and have no time to listen to a curious kid! They look into the list of payrolls and say, replacing something we spent millions of man hours to build, is IMPOSSIBLE! Get back to your work or find another job!
Most people decide to remain silence and therefore the madness continues with no resistance. That's why when you buy a ticket from a public transport system you see long delays and various unexpected behavior. That's why when you are waiting to receive an SMS from your bank you might end up requesting a letter by post instead!
Yet there are some rebel developers who stand and fight! They finally get expelled from the famous powerful system down to the streets. They are free to open their startups and develop their dream system. They do. But government (as the only client most of the time), would look into the budget spending and says: How can we replace an annually billion dollar project without a toy built by a bunch of kids? And the madness continues.... Boeings crash, space programs stagnate and banks take forever to process risks and react. This is our world.3 -
Just when I get hopeful about Github. Ugh.
Meta stack overflow has been ignored for years and the community is mostly self policed. Here come these corporate shmucks to fuck it up with bullshit marketing jargon.
#thePoop
I miss Joel already.
26 -
Multi-continent low-latency auto-scaling eventually-consistent kubernetes-orchestrated and spark-powered multi-cloud data-plarform.
(Note to self: why do jargon words always come in twos?)
But seriously, the engine ELT's naval and logistical data from every continent and ocean and feeds a global analytics platform for less then 0.25 USD per ingested Gb across all systems.
And sometimes the PODs are even onboard en-route ships! Edge computing, y'all!
Tech project I'm most proud of.2 -
I was inspired to be a programmer when I was 7 yrs old.
I started out using my dad's old Macintosh, it was pretty good at the time when I was 7. I played a game called "On The Run" at miniclip. I thought that one day I want to become a programmer who can do more than this or any other game.
Later when I was 9, my father bought a laptop but then he gave it to me. So I started and learn how computers work. It was a Acer 4376G I think, Windows Vista. (I didnt know vista was bad) I started with how to mod Java on a game called Need for Madness. That was when I learned about all sorts of jargon when looking up stuffs. I was able to somehow understand code but not write it. It was 9 years later, when at the end of 2015, I found khan academy and codecademy thru howtogeek. That was when I understand the most basic function that led me to build my entire knowledge or else I can only write -
I just don't get it. I've done web stuff for 20 years, but these days I'm expected to learn god knows how many command line tools just to stay relevant in the field. I fear the day I have to leave this crummy company making small websites, I just don't have what it takes to learn all that shit and get a job elsewhere.
Webpack, NodeJS, Angular... when I look at their docs I just get lost in all the jargon and I think to myself: I would rather stock shelves like a chum then learn all this goddamn shit over and over and over, my generation can't afford shit anyway so there is no point in doing the absolute minimum to survive.
Meanwhile the recruiters on LinkedIn all talk like the jobs they have are like a visit to fucking Disneyland compared to the soulless mindfucking grind a job entails. GAHHHH!1 -
Fun day at work.
Client sends me requirements over WhatsApp voice notes.
Says he can't send email because hes too tired.
His Requirements don't make sense.
I figured out what he wanted and then rewrite the requirements using simple language and less jargon.
Hes not happy. I reduced two paragraphs of his "requirements" to a single sentence which make more sense.
His voice notes seem like rambling.
Ugh.
He comes up with features for this webapp that cannot be tested unless you build the companion app which is coming up later.
Now he wants us to design the screens for the app which we will have to use our designer for.
Expensive. Considering most of his app is not completely thought out.
I have no idea what to do now.
We still haven't completed the requirements.1 -
Well... instead of imposter syndrome I think I have something more alike "I can't fucking tell if I'm smarter than everyone around me or if I'm so dumb I have no clue what's going on"-syndrome.
And trying to be rational, I usually consider the second option to be more probabile... right?
Or maybe, the way my brain processes things is just so different from the people I know that It creates a layer of incomunicability, so that others can't understand my reasoning as much as I can't understand theirs.
The usual speaking-through-jargon-all-the-time trend I've encountered is also not helping.
So I strive daily to align myself to what's going on, trying not to slow anybody down, but that drains my mental energies so much I end up getting done so little... and then I realize _everybody_ has done a similar amount of work.
Are maybe my standards too high?
Or it's normal for teamwork to slow everybody down THIS much?
I used to work much better alone, or in teams with proper separation of tasks between people. Like - we agree on a common interface and then everybody goes his own way implementing his part, and as long as the contract is respected and nothing breaks, nobody cares about what's inside the boxes.
But I don't see it coming again anytime soon, and people seem to have an averagely-good opinion of my work. So well, if I get paid and things cruise along fine, there should be nothing to complain about.
Shit, I've let my flow of consciousness out.2 -
Where do you go to figure out new jargon/terms?
I found
The Jargon File
Beej's Guide to Network Programming
Hackterms.com
Sidewaysdictionary.com
But they seem to have low traffic
Is Wikipedia the king?4 -
I am the very model of a modern major sociopath
I like to fill a bathtab with some virgins blood and take a bath
I code in ruby and rust and make future generations cringe
at the awful fucking syntax that I pushed on theeeemmm
I am so very gleeful yay
I am so very cheerful may
Just shove expanded jargon in your face
and somehow yet you say ok.
I am the mind behind the nosql
and I made a me a mongodb
I created shitty storage methods and I laughed with evil glee
you'll never be able to code in any of these things good for me
because performance in apps that use these things is fraud you see
i am so very warm in my bath
i make shitty programs and i laugh
now join me while i sacrifice this calf
and make this video of about that shit the graph -
Until I started a new IT position a few months ago, I had never heard anyone refer to the backslash as "whack." Luckily I was able to pick up what my coworker was saying through the context of the conversation so I didn't look like an idiot, but it made me wonder what the origins of the "whack" term are. Google confirmed to me that this isn't just something he made up and that it is a semi-commonly used term, but I didn't see anything on its origin.9
-
I watch nerdy films and understand the jargon they use...
"strip the headers..."
I bet it's like being a surgeon watching House2 -
I'm writing a couple of tutorials on web development, nothing really professional, just my perspective on explaining things from scratch.
It's funny how quickly things get hard to explain.
You try to explain web frameworks and you have to differentiate between client side and server side frameworks.
But some people don't know what client or server means.
So you try to explain what the client-server model is.
But then the word model is not clear to some people, it's like a jargon word in software, so you have to give some kind of explanation for the word.
And so on.
This complexity and layering of terms is normal on every science, but I feel terms deserve proper explanation and disambiguation, which isn't usually done.
So far I don't feel a lot of things are as complex as they are considered in an atomical sense, they are complex in the sense of requiring understanding of layers that are very simple in themselves.
It is quite a challenge to be the least obscure, to give explanations with the least number of possible interpretations.6 -
So.
I just sat here and listened to some awful gibberish that sounded kind of like the language a person would use to describe logistics or construction, but that still lacked so much filler language that a straight spew of jargon doesn't seem likely.
reminds me of every single time I hear someone describe new technology that ends up bombing.
like the push towards graph databases which I personally can't understand the underlying storage mechanism which would make them work
of someone describing locks to your house that can be unlocked from a cellphoen over the internet.
or 2 form factor authentication and what happens if you lose your phone and there is no customer service ?
on that last maybe they could take a sample of every customers voice every year or a fingerprint or a blood sample :P1 -
When you're explaining your app to a non-dev, don't. Use. Technical. Terms. It's not that fucking hard. Don't talk _down_ to them, but use terms they fucking understand.4
-
Holy fucking crap, think I actually got some productive, positive output from this whole generative AI debacle.
Rather because I skipped the whole Prompt step and used FOMO blabber against itself.
Some context: at my last gig we had a whole "humanware procurement department" (A.K.A. "hiring managers", those fucks who think that javascript and java are the same thing). It was during the pandemic tech hiring boom. At this new joint I'm at, a MUCH smaller company, I gotta do it myself. Boring as fuck but at least I can get some good karma by not making an ass of myself for candidates, and trying to make this whole process a tad less abusive.
I got my reading up to date, and surprisingly enough, "yankee dandy" (HBR) has actually been saying one or two things that are not complete hogwash. For a start, they say that companies have been making their hiring processes overly complex and even after hours of interviews they hardly measure half the skills they actually need, and spend too long talking about many skills that are not actually required for the positions.
"Huh. That sounds like the inneficiencies that the stupid 'AI will make meetings more efficient' industry is overpromising to overturn"
So I tried a new thing. Instead of your off-the-shelf "solve this NP-Hard problem in O(1) then draw this bird using only your nose then invert a binary tree in COBOL then tell me what type of sitcom character are you" crap, I tried grasping how it would be like to work with the candidates. One at a time. Not too long, but not too short talks. I'm not trying to check if a kid really knows how to implement a solution for the TSP in apache spark, or if they know every cipher in TLS 1.3. I just want to know if they can understand a technical request and come to me with a plan on how to solve it without handholding or "just use a really big VM, like, 32Tb of RAM!"
Thus, if I can work with them. That's all. The rest are specific skills that can be trained in time, if the person is willing to learn new stuff.
But that is not good enough for HR, ooooh, no. You "need" an "objective way of measuring their skills", otherwise its "just biased opinions."
But that gave me an idea.
See, our HR VP is someone deep in the whole AI pyramid scheme, who drank the kool-aid and swallowed up even the cup. FOMO is their name. Hype is their business.
I posh'd up my bullshit'ish jargon and went whole "In the advent of new disruptive technologies, strategic skills can be acquired with grit and proper AI prompting. Thus, leveraging our collaborative intelligence capabilities we can hack our challenges and optimize our resources to offer more innovative opportunities and bolster our employer branding" - translation: "shut up and lemme hire someone good and reasonably priced instead of a sleazy smooth talker who wants 100M just to show up and play with chatgpt all day". The whole point is to make it sound like "we're using AI, so it's good" instead of "im doing the work I'm being paid for, so it's old-fashioned"
It seems like the HR troll swallowed it, bait and hook. Maybe all we really needed this whole time is to say the magic word "AI," especially if it makes absolutely no sense in the context. Now I want to get them to sign off on a "AI mindfulness bolstering platform" (a massage chair). Fingers crossed.4 -
Corporate bullshit and bloated systems...
I keep on getting sucked into meetings where I know what each word means but the sentaces don't make sense -
Is this so different from tech startup presentation?
Our revolutionary platform leverages next-gen AI, decentralized blockchain orchestration, and hyper-scalable cloud-native microservices to synergize collective intelligence and unlock a paradigm shift in human potential. By gamifying sustainability through tokenized social impact layers and deploying frictionless API integrations across Web3 ecosystems, we’re not just disrupting legacy infrastructures—we’re architecting a regenerative future. Our mission-driven, community-centric, and data-sovereign approach empowers Gen Z digital natives to co-create resilient value networks that transcend borders, democratize innovation, and ultimately save humanity from systemic collapse.
5 -
If html and css are not really considered as programming languages, then how do we call the job? I've 'coded' the design? I've front-end designed the design? I've 'sliced' the design? (last one is sure old fashioned enough to exist..)
p.s. and while front-end devs nowadays are required to have angular, react, etc as their skillset, I feel like html and css are also shifting to be required for designers..1 -
Coffee. Check.
Spectacles to look like a geek even when you don't need it. Check.
Whiteboard marker even if you don't have a whiteboard. Check.
Jargon on space-time continuum. Check.1 -
What was wrong with restart that devops started calling it bounce?
What does bounce add that restart didn't, other than sounding cool?12 -
Technobabble really bothers me… if I don’t try to overwhelm you with buzzwords and overly complex technical jargon within my industry, then afford me the same courtesy!2
-
Well, not best experience per se, but most memorable one.
So I am accepted to CS program at the university - happy days!
First lecture of the first day of the first semester in the first year...
...It just had to be that guy. He was famous for for his strictness among the faculty as we later found out.
But, the lecture. It's 8.25 am, I am making my way into auditorium, and it's filled with freshmen like me, of course. Instead of cheerful chatter noise I hear literally silence. What the? I catch the glimpse of the blackboard - the professor is there, hard at work writing out some stuff that can't comprehend. Double checked the name of the lecture - computer architecture.
8.30 - so it begins, I remember taking a place along the front rows in order to see more clearly. Professor turns to us and just starts the lecture, saying that he'll introduce himself later at the end and there is no time to waste. OK...
And he just dumps the layout of x86 computer architecture and a mixture of basic ASM jargon on us WITHOUT TURNING TO US FOR LIKE 30 MINS while writing things out on the blackboard.
The he finally turns 180 degrees very quickly, evaluates our expression (I know mine was WTF is this I don't even understand half the words), sighs, turns back and continues with the lecture. -
devRanters!
Do any of you find that you can type the solution faster than GitHub Copilot recommends?
That's how you know you're senior 😏
Also, on a serious note, does it only support JavaScript / TypeScript? Didn't really take time to investigate.
I thought there was also a feature you could tell it what to code and it would try to write a solution. Haven't really seen how to do that yet.7 -
Anyone know why calling the "memo" function on a React component or using the "useMemo" hook is widely accepted to be called "memoization", when the name itself derives from an existing English verb which actually means what the function does? Why are we artificially creating jargon?6
-
If I had 3 dev wishes, I would ask for:
1. Magical translation of my jargon to layman's terms when talking to clients, and vice versa.
2. Motivation on that "side project" I planned n years ago.
3. An all-seeing eye that would detect the error from a code instantly, even from a mile away.1 -
One manager at the Client company tells us that unless we submit weekly timesheets we wont get paid.
We are not their employees, nor do we have an agreement with them for full time work.
" Whole thought process is to structure the engagement better ,so that we can implement better governance and provide better visibility."
Anyone understand what is being said above? Jargon.2 -
Has anyone here ever implemented OAuth2.0 for WebRTC? I am reading rfc7635 and its references, but they refer to functions they don't define properly and rely on cryptography jargon by eg. calling values by different names, so I'd appreciate a reference implementation of the function for building tokens to clear up the confusion.
rfc7635 on STUN extension for third-party authentication:
https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/...9 -
We all know that one guy at work that explains and overshare stuff using a lot of jargons for the sake of using jargons at the daily scrum. Then it turns out, he's ranting about something so trivial, basically wasted a lot of time. And don't get started on meetings. Oh god. Please send help.1
-
!rant
Software development has acquired some interesting jargon over the years, but I keep wondering if other languages and cultures have commonplace expressions for what can be translated as "improvisation-oriented programming" or "hammering code" (i. e. hacking something in a brutish way) -
Do people put their OSS projects on their CV? I'm trying to put together a decent graduate CV and the non-tech people around me insist that I should put "the research projects I spend so much time on" on it, but I'm pretty sure that as long as there's a Github link the rows full of jargon combined with meaningless names that would be a project list do more harm than good.3
-
OK here's lang, very easy.
set lines, (split "\n", orc fname). ; ORC -- open, write, close
map lines, strip.
grep lines, filter blanks.
map lines, # lineproc:
- on line match, qr~^# \s* (?<name> [\a]+) \((?<type> [\a+])\) \s*:\s*~x.
· · * have type or default type.
· · * set dst, name or new type name.
- on line match, qr~^\- (?<name> .*)~x.
· · * dst->cur eq dst->[name] eq new list name.
- on line match qr~^\* (?<item> .*)~x.
· · * push dst->cur, item.
- else
· · * cat dst->cur, line or throw fuk.
I'm skipping over a couple edge cases (no dst/cur, I be throw fuk for brevity) but you get the gist of it maybe.
Anyway what's this for? Lists, like so:
```rol
# dst (type):
- attr:
· · * hi im item one in list
· · · still item one lmao.
· · * hi im item two in list.
```
That gives `dst { attr: [item_1, item_2] }`. There's another bit I'm omitting to make this recursive so as to allow for nested dicts, but nevermind that it's a tree you get it right.
So what it's lame. Yes. Let's smoke some crack now I can add preprocessor in subclass:
```
# dst (cracktype):
$:%fn args;>
(text)
$:/fn;>
```
That will call `fn text,args` to process text __before__ lineproc, `fn` is just callback from callback table in Nebraska maybe.
$:peso;> syntax is just so text can contain funstuff OK.
I like <fn args /> better, and $:this;> is just stuff no one ever writes so it's safe to use.
Want to reference object in text too, what? `{$obj [fn args]}` anywhere in text to make call, now can do database lookup so naming be important. Have import mechanism to fetch collections, can't bother showing.
Anyway what's the point I dunno, just copying and pasting from local library to pack entire app in single html file. Why? Can't remember; doesn't matter.
Also can convert to json but I prefer my own version of it.
Called jargon.
Same thing but no quotes just because so `obj {attr:[(value), (value)]}`.
Now eat baguettes.
Have a nice wallop.1 -
I had my meeting hijacked by two managers yesterday. One just bitched about a problem I couldn't solve. The other came in, uninvited, and bitched at the first manager for pretty much the same problem lol. Isn't it their only job to be good at communicating? Then why do they suck at it more than 200 kindergarteners playing the fucking telephone game?!? And the second manager was like, "I don't understand your jargon, just fix this." Bitch, I don't think you understand english!
-
I can't google jargon, what do you call it when you "flip" a function call, such that the call becomes an event in some dispatch system and return becomes a call on the event? I had to implement five such APIs this week with surface level differences and I'm starting to feel like it has to have a name if it's this popular.
For the pedantic, I mean async calls in JS in particular, I know you can't just invert a synchronous function call that uses a stack without peek.5 -
For some reason I detest the word performant ..it has become a real word but is basically techie jargon..it’s irrational but it really gets on my tits!3
-
I've been studying a bit about business analytics and intelligence to diversify a bit from dev.
After a lot of looking around I've found it's all just glorified jargon which basically enables your decision to have backing of facts and logic. It sounds as if it's a great coverup tool but don't know if it actually helped decision-making.
Why does researching the market/competition need to have a thousand breakdowns/categories/focus areas.
I feel like an interpretation of business analytics is a very simple and intuitive solution but there is just too much random and wasteful metrics attached to it.
I believe it's just my nascent knowledge and experience speaking, but I never felt the same way about software development, financials, etc2 -
It started with a gut-wrenching realization. I’d been duped. Months earlier, I’d poured $133,000 into what I thought was a golden opportunity a cryptocurrency investment platform promising astronomical returns. The website was sleek, the testimonials glowed, and the numbers in my account dashboard climbed steadily. I’d watched my Bitcoin grow, or so I thought, until the day I tried to withdraw it. That’s when the excuses began: “Processing delays,” “Additional verification required,” and finally, a demand for a hefty “release fee.” Then, silence. The platform vanished overnight, taking my money with it. I was left staring at a blank screen, my savings gone, and a bitter taste of shame in my mouth.I didn’t know where to turn. The police shrugged cybercrime was a black hole they couldn’t navigate. Friends offered sympathy but no solutions. I spent sleepless nights scouring forums, reading about others who’d lost everything to similar scams. That’s when I stumbled across a thread mentioning a group specializing in crypto recovery. They didn’t promise miracles, but they had a reputation for results. Desperate, I reached out.The first contact was a breath of fresh air. I sent an email explaining my situation dates, transactions, screenshots, everything I could scrape together. Within hours, I got a reply. No fluff, no false hope, just a clear request for more details and a promise to assess my case. I hesitated, wary of another scam, but something about their professionalism nudged me forward. I handed over my evidence: the wallet addresses I’d sent my Bitcoin to, the emails from the fake platform, even the login credentials I’d used before the site disappeared.The process kicked off fast. They explained that scammers often move funds through a web of wallets to obscure their tracks, but Bitcoin’s blockchain leaves a trail if you know how to follow it. That’s where their expertise came in. They had tools and know-how I couldn’t dream of, tracing the flow of my coins across the network. I didn’t understand the technical jargon hash rates, mixing services, cold wallets but I didn’t need to. They kept me in the loop with updates: “We’ve identified the initial transfer,” “The funds split here,” “We’re narrowing down the endpoints.” Hours passed , and I oscillated between hope and dread. Then came the breakthrough. They’d pinpointed where my Bitcoin had landed a cluster of wallets tied to the scammers. Some of it had been cashed out, but a chunk remained intact, sitting in a digital vault the crooks thought was untouchable. I didn’t ask too many questions about that part; I just wanted results. They pressured the right points, leveraging the blockchain evidence to freeze the wallets holding my funds before the scammers could liquidate them. Next morning, I woke up to an email that made my heart skip. “We’ve secured access to a portion of your assets.” Not all of it some had slipped through the cracks but $133,000 worth of Bitcoin, my original investment, was recoverable. They walked me through the final steps: setting up a secure wallet, verifying the transfer, watching the coins land. When I saw the balance tick up on my screen, I sat there, stunned. It was real. My money was back.The ordeal wasn’t painless. I’d lost time, sleep, and a bit of faith in humanity. But the team at Alpha Spy Nest Recovery turned a nightmare into a second chance. I’ll never forget what they did. In a world full of thieves, they were the ones who fought to make things right. Contacts below: WhatsApp: +14159714490
1 -
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Imagine waking up, groggily reaching for your phone to check your crypto balance, only to find out you’re locked out of your Bitcoin wallet, holding a cool $550,000. No explanation, no warning—just an impenetrable wall between you and your hard-earned fortune. Yep, that’s how my day started, and let me tell you, it wasn’t the morning coffee that got my heart racing. It felt like I had been shoved into a financial horror movie, except instead of a masked villain, it was my Bitcoin wallet holding me hostage.
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-
RECOVERING FUNDS FROM FRAUDULENT INVESTMENT WEBSITE HIRE ADWARE RECOVERY SPECIALIST
The future was mine to shape. I had $675,000 in Bitcoin tucked away—fuel for my regulatory tech startup, designed to bridge the chasm between crypto’s anarchy and the rigid grip of government oversight. For once, I thought I had everything lined up. But then came MiCA—the EU’s Markets in Crypto-Assets regulation—dropping like a divine gavel. Overnight, my exchange account was frozen tighter than a tax audit, and my dreams of “simple compliance” were buried under an avalanche of bureaucracy.
For a week, I flailed in a purgatory of legal jargon and sleepless nights. Terms like “AML Directives” and “KYC enforcement” blurred together as I battled to stay hopeful. My startup was stillborn, a sandcastle erased before the tide had even turned. WhatsApp info:+12 (72332)—8343
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I reached out that day. Website info: h t t p s:// adware recovery specialist. com
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1 -
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