Pretty good haul, I see why developers really go to these conferences

This is the problem with iot

I was in second year of University when I joined the internship, I knew the business idea sucks and he wouldn't be able to carry out the operations either. Little did I know that I will work with the dumbest team ever, literally, the dumbest.

So, the major chunk of the software was outsourced to a consultancy. I was a tech intern, and we were developing an Android App that will save your parking location, let you reserve locations and all etc.

I knew I have stepped on a wrong turf, but again, I had nothing better to do that summer. So, for a very meager stipend, I said yes to a very stupid project. Let the stupidity flow...

~ The boss, had quit his job for this dumb idea with no funding, no team, nothing.

~ He was pursuing a certification course in Android Development from somewhere, where their final project will be a calculator!

~ He had little to no tech skills, hardly knew Java but was leading an Android App Dev project in Java. He had little to no managerial, marketing or sales skills either.

~ For a brief period, I had to work along with the consultancy guys to ramp up their work. They would take backups in a USB drive every evening, and share each others code using the same. VCS died a painful death that day.

~ They hardly wrote functions, rather, wrote very long code in the main (onCreate) function. Code style died of cancer.

~ They couldn't compress an image before sending it to a server. I had to do it for them.

~ Had no concept of creating utility classes.

And best of all,
~ Wrote 20 cases (switch case) with the same code! Instead of using a loop...

My mom got audited for storing sensitive client information in her gmail account without using a vpn or any other real security.

I had been telling her this was an issue for literally the last three years and shes brushed me off every time.

I got yelled at for not telling her I was serious.

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

Open Source: Expectation vs Reality

Watch your git commit messages, you never konw when a webhook might publish the whole thing to Slack...

It's never a good sign when a team lead writes code like this

Wait... Why didn't anyone thought about that?

Not mine, but pretty funny ^^

If ever your code breaks, just utter these words and it will magically fix itself:

"Wtf. Hey [coworker name], Can you sanity check this code? I don't know why this segfaults! It looks fine but you just run it and it bre- oh wait... I swear it didn't work a minute ago."

Last round in Microsoft interview
HR: Do you have any questions for us.
Me: Thinks randomly and says. Do I get a Mac here for work.
HR: Let's stop interview here.

Devrant api for data warehouse school assignment, yay or nay?

Was told not to use uuid‘ for security reasons. Just shipped to production.

Status code: 200
Content-Type: application/json
Body: {"error": true, "responseCode":400 }

GDPR done right. 😂😂

My friend said "I googled it on duck duck go"

Me: Dude what?

People ranting about Microsoft acquiring Github also happens to be using VSCode in another window.

Hahahaahahah

Gitlab this, Gitlab that.. nobody says shiet about Bitbucket ?! :(

Stackoverflow.

Keeps bugs out of your code

Hope I'm not late with this one.

I had a secondary Gmail account with a really nice short nickname (from the early invite/alpha days), forwarded to another of my mailboxes. It had a weak password, leaked as part of one of the many database leaks.

Eventually I noticed some dude in Brazil started using my Gmail, and he changed the password — but I still got a copy of everything he did through the forwarding rule. I caught him bragging to a friend on how he cracked hashes and stole and sold email accounts and user details in bulk.

He used my account as his main email account. Over the years I saw more and more personal details getting through. Eventually I received a mail with a plaintext password... which he also used for a PayPal account, coupled to a Mastercard.

I used a local website to send him a giant expensive bouquet of flowers with a box of chocolates, using his own PayPal and the default shipping address.

I included a card:

"Congratulations on acquiring my Gmail account, even if I'm 7 years late. Thanks for letting me be such an integral part of your life, for letting me know who you are, what you buy, how much you earn, who your family and friends are and where you live. I've surprised your mother with a cruise ticket as you mentioned on Facebook how sorry you were that you forgot her birthday and couldn't buy her a nice present. She seems like a lovely woman. I've also made a $1000 donation in your name to the EFF, to celebrate our distant friendship"

Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

When you want to run something via command line in Linux but it doesn't work.

So it’s not been announced yet so I can’t tell anyone else other than my wife but I need to say it somewhere and this is anonymous....

I’VE JUST BEEN PROMOTED!! Technical Lead!!! And a 14% raise!!

Yay!!!

CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”