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The Absolutely True Story of a Real Programmer Who Never Learned C.
I have a young friend named Sam who is quite a programming prodigy. Sam does know C! I need to make this clear: he’s not the titular programmer.
But a couple years ago Sam told me a story about a different programmer who never learned C, and I liked it so much that right on the spot I asked his permission to repeat it. (I could never just steal such a tale.)
Sam wasn’t always a programmer—actually he started in his later teens, in part because he was more of a jock, and in part because he was related to programmers and wanted to do his own thing. But, like all great programmers, once he was bitten by the bug he immersed himself completely in it.
One day Sam happened to be talking programming with his uncle, who was also a programmer but from way, way back.
“Hey,” said Sam, “I’m learning this language called C. You must know a lot of languages, did you ever study C?”
“No,” said the uncle, to Sam’s surprise. “I am one of the very few programmers who never had to learn C.”
“Because I wrote it.”
Oh, Sam’s last name is Ritchie.
What I love about this story is the idea of Dennis waiting Sam’s entire life to deliver this zinger. Just imagine sitting on a line that good, watching your nephew grow up and waiting, waiting until the one day he finally starts learning to code. Did he work on the line in his head at night? Like, “Hmm, how should I word it so I can deliver the punch line perfectly? Should I say ‘I never took a class on C?’ Nah, too awkward…”
The great thing about geniuses is how much effort they put into everything.
Courtesy : Wil Shiply.5 -
I'm just trying to get my boss on the phone and his secretary tells me he is in a seminar but I walk by his office and he is eating a MF DONUT
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We had a lab in middle school, 5th grade, I think, where they had a few Apple IIe computers.
I remember one day looking over at a smart friend's screen and he was playing a flight simulator. I'd never seen anything like it before. When I asked him how he did it, he showed me a computer magazine where all the code was published for it. He had typed the whole thing in and saved it to a floppy.
It was part of a turning point for me when I was deciding between social groups: wanting to be a dumb jock or wanting to be smart. Thanks to that kid's example, I chose being smart. It cost me dates with the hot girls later in high school when I should have been carrying a pager for all the teachers who needed me to fix their computers for them, but I made sure to cry all the way to the bank when I was eventually making six figures. -
Lead: alright people what are your ideas and updates for this page refactor we've been talking about.
dipshit: Alright guys, I've done a quick awesome prototype that I really like...
dipshit: *starts to speak super fast* (I catch words about function composition, clean, no side effects, speed, efficiency. Basically a string of brogrammer buzzwords.)
me: what did you mean by that? How does it work?
dipshit: *basically repeats the same drivel*
me: uh..ok I don't quite understand
everyone else looks confused.
me: ok since you've done a prototype, we take a look at it later
*** After meeting, looks at code ***
It was COMPLETE GARBAGE. He used 1,500+ lines of js in 17 files to make what was essentially a simple 2 item list.
We were looking at a way to overhaul the entire page, he "refactored" maybe perhaps 5% of the page.
There was absolutely nothing clean / functional / composable about this monstrosity. It was as if he read chapter 1 of a book on functional programming and decided he understood enough to call himself an expert.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HIRED?
HOW DO YOU CALL YOURSELF A DEVELOPER?
YOU ARE SELF TAUGHT, DISS PEOPLE WITH FORMAL CS/CE DEGREES AND YOU PRODUCE TRASH CODE?!
ARE YOU SO RETARDED THAT YOU DO NOT RECOGNIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE?
Please die in a fire, along with your jock attitude and unprofessionalism. Take this worthless junk unfit to be called code with you.3 -
I was always somewhere in the range of not athletic enough to be a jock and not smart enough to be a geek during high school so it left me in a fun little purgatory between social groups. Ever since I was a kid though I saw my cousin make flash games for fun and thats where my interest in programming started but I never really did anything with it.
It wasn’t until I broke a bone during a football game and couldn’t play or workout for 8 months that I started jumping head first into programming and IT WENT DEEP. After tearing through and intro to java book I started reading and watching courses about data structures and learning how to make mediocre apps and games. It was terrible as any beginner usually is but god was it fun.
Then college came around and I decided to major in computer science, got myself a nice starting job at a typical big tech company with an actually decent team to work with and I still have the same love for it all since I started with it. -
Thank you those who tried to help me with my problem but I'm still not the best at this even though I've been doing for quite some time. I'm sorry I used some much of your time earlier also I apologize for calling out @example-user3
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How can we go to a new world?
No need death.
Just read a fantasy book
Or learn new programming language.
For example, if you're a php Dev, learn c#, Java or c++.
Believe me, it's a new world.2 -
Budget cuts are being made and my boss doesn't like me so goodbye I guess to my 90k salary. It might not sound like a lot to y'all but it is to me.3
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Does anyone know how to preview your code through VS Code I can't view the files at the same time I can only open HTML or CSS or JavaScript by themselves9
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My uncle Kyle works for @creativeMISFITS and he taught me about his coding style so that's what I'm used to.2
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Does anyone know if I can take a CSS file and put it into brackets without loading an external file/dropbox19
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