31st December 2016, I had signed up for devRant.

It's my cake day today. Feels so good to be part of this community, have learned so much, made some of the greatest friends here.

2021 was a mind fuck. Taxing and draining. Very little growth and even less learnings.

I realised that I am in a toxic environment.

Lately, no philosophy, therapy, supplements, activity, work, etc. has been helping me to get back to my original self.

I used to spiral down with a lot of negative self talk and playing the victim card.

Just day before yesterday, I decided to listen to some affirmations on the Tube and that actually helped me bounce back.

I started socialising and stepping out to attend gigs and just be outdoors as much as I could.

My surroundings changed and so did my thought process.

Hence, I made a decision to continue affirmations and slowly change my surroundings, even if that demand domestic relocation.

Things are starting to look positive after a long, loooooong, time.

I also need more sun exposure for my vitamin D3 deficiency and steady dose of serotonin.

I feel lot clear in head and heart. My goals are clearer and I am ready to start working hard and be my original past self again.

I love you all and I really wish you all achive all your wishes and dreams, be happier and healthier in 2022 with ton of success and money.

A story about burnout you say? Well, here it goes.

In 2019, I worked in a now-defunct startup. Back then, I was deep in "treatment" with wrong medications that almost ended up turning me into a vegetable. When I was hired, my mind was already deteriorating quickly, and I was caught in a downward spiral of losing intelligence.

Prior to working there, there was never ever ever a situation in my career when I was given a problem to solve and failed to do it.

But right then, with already double-digit IQ and constant, pumping anxiety, I was seeing task descriptions that looked familiar and doable, yet I absolutely could not do them. I couldn't comprehend. It was an absolutely screeching, crippling panic about me losing my intelligence forever, being fired and ending up unhireable, dying alone on the streets.

Apart from my depression I recovered from, this very experience was a trauma that haunts me to this day, every day. You know, my experience being raped as an adolescent doesn't, but this, it's something else. Now, my intelligence is back, I design architecture, I'm a CTO, and my solutions are objectively cleaner and better in every way than what I did pre-depression. Yet, I still feel a sharp, sudden rush of anxiety, and my heart skips a beat, when I think about writing code or even opening the IDE.

I don't know how does one recover from this. I'm now slowly transitioning into "architecting CTO" role that is just being a devrel, assessing ethics, working with business to realize their need, designing solutions and leaving the implementation for the team to do. You know, the stuff I was taught in the uni.

Maybe doing open source and launching small pet projects will help. But at this stage of my life I have no emotional resource to care.

Think you didn't go anywhere this year? 🚀 By the end of 2021 you will have travelled 940 million kilometres around a star orbiting together at 828,000 km per hour, a supermassive black at the center of your host spiral galaxy.

A year another worlds :

(1) Mercury : 87.97 Earth days. If you are 15 years old on Earth you would be 62 years old in Mercury years.

(2) Venus : 224.7 Earth days. If you are 15 years old on Earth, this would make you 24 years old in Venus years.

(3) Earth : If you are 15 years old on Earth, you are fucked, cause climate change. [please save your planet " use biodegradable products and plantation trees 🎄 🎄"]

(4) Mars : 686.98 Earth days. A 15 years old from Earth would actually be almost 8 years old in Mars years.

(5) Jupiter : 4,332.82 Earth days. This would make 15 years old from Earth be barely over 1 year old in Jupiter years.

(6) Saturn : 10,755.7 Earth days. If you had lived 15 years on Earth, then you would be a little over half of one year old in Saturn years. Awe!

(7) Uranus : 30,687.15 Earth days. Thus, a 15 years old from Earth would be .17 years old in Uranus years.

(8) Neptune : 60,190.03 Earth days. A 15 years old from Earth would be .09 years old in Neptune years. {Dwarf BONUS 😅}

(9) Pluto : 90,553 Earth days. If you were 15 years old on Earth you would be .06 years old in Pluto years.

I went to a job at a company doing document digitizing.
It was the worst mistake of my life the pay was horrible there was no room for advancement for me and it kept me in a constant slow downward financial spiral and just about gimped my hand