Depression update two.
Thanks for amazing support guys!
I have made decision to have a digital detox. Today I did have another bout of depression accompanied with a mild case of confused state of mind and suicidal thoughts. I have found the triggers(Social media and too much time spent on the internet.) I have lost a lot of weight too. From 68KG -> 46 KG in span of weeks. So I hope I will catch you soon after I recover from it.

Fuck depression. If anyone is having bouts of depression please contact your health-care provider or friends/family.

Love you all. ❤️🙏☺️

Today my client emailed me and said : "Isn't google and microsoft the same program". What is life anymore?

Byron (reckful) has committed suicide. He was one of the first big streamers on Twitch and a game developer.

He was suffering from depression and has been for quite some time. He always appears happy around friends. He did "joke" about committing suicide on his last stream. Watching the clip makes it obvious that there was some truth to the "joke".

Also, remember that you never know what someone online is suffering from or how that person may interpret a joke. Be careful and think about how your message is received.

Please seek help if you have suicidal thoughts or even signs of depression. It's not a sign of weakness. We all need help sometimes.

Well , this isn't a rant or a joke , so I just thought I should post it here in case people are going through a similar situation . So I know this guy , who works at this startup , so he had just joined the company and made a huge impression on the boss ( My friend is fantastic in developing ) , so as great as that sounds , it doesn't . After a year or so , he's been promoted and is now kinda a face for the devs of the company and this made his boss very cocky , like he would take so many projects or requirements of his top clients and place them on the shoulders of my friend and give a bad time limit , which is impossible but he always managed to just finish completing it . Naturally it affected his sleep cycle , his daily life and as a result , his mental health . As time went on and as more and more projects were being placed on him..........he finally broke , he used to miss so many days of work , not return any of my calls or texts , miss lunches , have breakdowns . I became very concerned and didn't want him to end it , I went to his place , spoke to him , found out that he had suicidal thoughts . Fast forward a year later , he's still going to a shrink , everyday but he's better now and after forcing him to talk to his boss and now his boss gives him plenty of time to finish the projects and said to be straightforward with how he feels and so on . I know this isn't what you would expect to find here but I just wanted to say after having this experience , please do not keep quiet , be straightforward with your boss and don't overburden yourself , if you're an introvert , tell it to someone you know , to tell your boss , and if you know anyone in a similar situation , do be out there for them . I'm sorry if this kinda spoils your mood , but people have to be aware . Be careful , lots of love people

"But we already decided on this"

- or-

"We've done it this way before"

2 excuses that seem to allow you implement / design what ever the fuck you desire

I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts though the Javascript and the whole frontend.

Is anyone looking for a Ruby Developer with 2 years of experience with Ruby, 2 years with pure SQL databases and half year with React?

I don't want to see only Javascript for 8 hours per day for the rest of my life.

I've been writing my first game for the last week...

When do the suicidal thoughts stop? 🙃

We are all about structures, clean code and many other things that make our life easier, right?

Well... It's not all white and black...

As talked many times, projects can be rushed... Client budgets can be low at the start and only then grow...

Let me take an example:

Client X needs a tool that helps his team perform jobs faster. They have a $500 budget. So... Testing, clean architecture and so on - are not really a viable option. Instead, you just make it work and perform that task as needed. So the code has minimal patterns, minimal code structure, a lot of repetitive parts and so on.

Now... Imagine that 3 months pass by without any notice and clients are ultra happy with the product. They want more things to be automated. They contact developers and ask for more things. This time they have a bigger budget but short timeframe.

So once again, you ignore all tests, structure and just make it work. No matter what. The client is happy again.

A year passes and the client realizes that their workflow changed. The app needs total refactoring. The previous developer has no time for adjustments at this point and hires a new company. They look at the code and rants spill out of their mouth along with suicidal thoughts.

So... What would you do? Would you rant about "messy project" or just fix it? Especially since people now have a bigger budget and timeframe to adapt to changes.

Would you be pissed on such a project?
Would you flame on previous devs?
Would you blame anyone for the mess?

Or would you simply get in and get the job done since the client has a "prototype" and needs a better version of it?

---

Personally, I've been in this situation A LOT. And I'm both, the old and new dev. I've built tons of crappy software to make things work for clients and after years - they come back for changes/new things. You just swallow the pill and do what is needed. Why? Well, because it's an internal system and not used by anyone outside their office. Even if it's used outside the office - prototyping is the key. They didn't know if the idea would work or be helpful in any way. Now they know and want it done correctly.

Me at interview ->

Imagine the frustration you may go writing code in a different platform not having your vimrc. Than imagine the suicidal thoughts you have after you finish your program and have tabs mixed with spaces and indent errors, well on top of that imagine losing all the code highlighting all the code using X to yank it and P to paste in another file

Well, i shut down the vim session and lost all the code i wrote in 2 hrs

Pythons range(), honestly makes me want to kill myself.

Why is it such a hassle to get Android Studio to work? Spending several hours filled with with installs, reinstalls, downloads, googling, troubleshooting, more failures, suicidal thoughts, env variable tinkering, crashes, total apathy - before I can finally start writing some fucking code is fucked up.

how to describe the feeling when you started using sql and you had to get the first element from a table via jdbc...
you, obviously, think "oh, the first index is 0, every languages start at 0, so let's take the content at 0!!!" but the ide returns you "0 < 1"
so you don't understand, you stare the code for 20 mins, you start crying, and then you realize sql starts counting from 1 because it pretends to be cool BUT IT DOESN'T

I hate you, sql.

C# can be great and all but sometimes it just makes me want to put a bullet in my head because i can't figure out HOW TO FUCKING USE A GOD DARN FORM ITEM IN A FUNCTION OR THREAD!

What was I thinking when I decided to hackintosh my laptop?
I underestimated how much I hate myself.

Oh yeah, I need Xcode.

Days without sleep: 2

*New defect*

Designs are confusing and use bad practises. Multiple buttons achieving the same task. The dev team, the BA's, PM's can't understand the current flow.

*Defect closed*

"Design happy with current implementation"

got kicked out of a contract today because the owner felt I wasn't moving at the pace he wanted, there were no milestones but even i knew I was slow.

this happened when I started talking to a therapist because I was beginning to have suicidal thoughts and anxiety issues.

I had to run work errands for my everly screaming mom and manipulative dad.

these same people who I begged with no success for money to buy a used core 2 duo laptop for programming projects.

I was in the bus in the afternoon sun trying to get three books from a publisher that ended up being a waste of time because she didn't follow instructions and insisted on screaming over the phone at the attendant. the client requested a meeting and I couldn't respond positively,

I get home and my dad wants me to travel down to our village home to meet with some kid he kept giving money because they wanted to have a meeting. I'm so annoyed because I told him I wanted this week off to face this already dead contract and he just ignores all of that and fixes a meeting.

I pay for electricity and gas for these people and they still treat me like shit. fuck this !

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When clients asking for the revisions..