Client: I love the site and will sign your contract today. I'll even give you a bonus since you got it done early. Can you put it up there this evening?

Me: I'm so glad that you liked it. I'll bring a condom with me all filled out and ready to go so we can push it up there.

Me: Contract. Damned phone

Client: please leave the condom at home

What's your worst autocorrect with a client?

Just signed a contract for a new room!

This means I'll be going from 500kbs to a general 30-50mbs 😍

Dear Client.

Please don't whine why your site is down, you haven't paid us in like 3 months, and its on the contract that you signed, we only have limited patience.

sincerely yours,
developer

Lawyer: "I heard you do websi..."

Me: "No."

Never, ever again will I do a website for anyone in the law profession. You can write the most airtight and amazing contract ever devised and they will find a way over, under, around, and through it to SCREW YOU UP THE ASS.

My friend silently quited his job. He simply stopped coming to work and that is OK, because his contract expired last Monday. He worked for very bad company, where everyone was braging about how awesome dev they are and know everything better than him. Since company forgot to talk with him about contract renewal or to find a replacement, they are now in big troubles because braggers broke production and none know how to fix it :)

Writing code for a startup without signing a contract first...

This is how I feel most of my client proposal start:

* It's simple, I'd like to re-invent <the wheel>.

* All I want to do is use <rocketship engine> on <old typewriter>.

* I'm too cheap to hire a full-time < DBA, DevOps engineer, development team>. Can I pay you pennies?

* I'm poor and broke, can you do this for free?

* I'd like to <commit illegal act> and be <legal compliant standard>.

* I heard it was possible to <fly 30 people to the moon> using <Ford Model-T>. Please do this for us.

* I <sold my house>, but now <I'm locked out by the new owners>. Please help.

Welcome everyone.
Today I signed my first contract!!!
Front end
Part time
I'm 30.
This is still a start

A conversation with our network/system admin.

Me : Can I install linux on my computer, windows is slow and terrible.

Him : No, if you use anything but Windows in this company, you will be fired for bypassing our security protocols. Its written in your contract.

Me : *boots up my Macbook*

"Never undervalue yourself or let anyone else undervalue you."

"Learn to say no."

Same person during my first contract, where I was working insane hours for very little pay.

When doing a coding project for lawyers, hire a lawyer. That is all.

First job.

CLIENT: It's just a small website, 15-20 pages 2,500$, what do you say?

ME: Sure, sounds easy.

CLIENT: oh, and I need you to sign this contract that you won't copy or competete with me for the next two years.

ME: Sounds reasonable.

-- A year later --
I had finished building a huge CMS system that serves 420+ organizations, the entire thing copied from his competitor.

CLIENT: So there is only about two weeks left of work...

ME: Goodbye, I have a new job that actually pays money.

CLIENT: Don't forget our contract...

ME: Sure..

At least he paid me, but 2,500$ for a whole year's work isn't such a good deal anymore.

Never. Work. Without. Contract. Fuck this one guy for not paying me after 4 weeks of work!

The look on a client's face when they realised that I program[med] sex toys for a living was pretty priceless.

Their attitude change, however, cost them a contract. Programming sex toys is no different from programming anything else.

Why do you have to bring in your religious views or my previous contracts into the conversation? All I'm doing is a network audit for your company. I'm not gonna hide a dildo in your closet, or something. I'm supposed to only be around for a few days, too.

Guess I had too many cooties, with how harsh they burnt that contract and bridge.

:')

I usually don’t use caps so I apologize but.... HOLY FUCKING SHIT! MY PERSONAL BUSINESS THAT I BUILT WITH My HANDS HAS JUST SIGNED A ****HUGE**** contract!! More to come!

My boss just told me that he wants me to stay and is giving me a permanent position :D my contract would have ended by the end of this month otherwise! :D

My LinkedIn profile bio:

... however I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.

My LinkedIn “notes to recruiters”:

... I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.

My preferences:

- ticked full time permanent
- listed native technologies in the tag selector.

Email this morning:

Hi are you interested in the below role:

Role: Hybrid mobile developer
Salary: xxxxx
Type: 6 - 12 month contract.

No I am not you fucking fucktard. Read my fucking profile or go fuck yourself with a fucking cactus!

Last september:
I get an email from a customer who want to end the contract. I inform him that the contract runs to the end of March and it will be terminated the last of march.

Customer agrees and I do not hear a word from him. Until now when I closed down all his services.

Angry email:
Why did you close the server and email? are you **** stupid!?

I reply:
21/9 2016, you wanted to terminate all services you had with us. That means that your domains, DNS-services, VPS, email and Office 365 was going to be closed today.

Why is this not uncommon?!

So today I landed my first freelance contract, and it's quite a big one :-) Yes, it's easily within my skillset, no I haven't undervalued myself and yes the deadlines are generous.

I think the technical term is "Nailed it"

Rather excited! :-)

My mobile phone provider called me and offered me a new contract containing more data volume.
Customer service: 'Your current contract has only 1.5GB data volume. That's not much. With this you can only send 1 or 2 pictures and that's it.'
Me: 'What kind of pictures do you use / send? 😨'

I designed a logo for a family member's business with the expectation that I would receive payment once the work was completed. I wasn't expecting a lot, I only really do freelance work for software but I know my way around Illustrator. I'm not one to charge family anywhere near full price and I felt no contract was needed. We were back and fourth for a little bit, getting the logo to his liking. Silly me during all of this didn't watermark any of the images I was sending (didn't think I'd have to, you know... Family) and a little while later he's gone and ordered shirts with the logo on it without paying or even contacting me. When I confronted him about it, he pulls out the whole "No contract was made" bullshit. It's ridiculous how arrogant people can be, I was asking for $50. I put a good 15 hours into it with all the alterations he wanted. 15 hours I could have spent on actual clients.

TLDR; Designed a logo for a family member without a contract, he decided not to pay.

!Rant

Last Thursday: solicitation
Friday: got a call that I'm hired
Tuesday: signed contract

I did it, I just got my first job!

I was almost finished a website when the client changed their mind and decided that what they actually wanted was an app for Android and iOS because that's apparently what I promised them.

I double-checked the contract to make sure. It said I was building them a website that would be tested for mobile-friendliness on browsers from phones using Android and iOS. :/

Just signed a job contract 😁

Yeees! Got my contract for the time after my apprenticeship. 4 days/week and a shitload of 💰, from my point of view. 36k € per year.

Additionally I got the position I wanted, I'm responsible for the whole infrastructure and the conversion of our app from Winforms to WPF.

I'M HAPPY AS F*** xD

After ten months of unemployment, got a call from someone who had taken a class I had taught, and he asked if I was available for a position. I said yes, and got the job without an interview on a one year contract. Three months in, I got an offer to convert to permanent. I've been there 14 years now.

Well got a phone call today and long story short is I have been given a probationary 5 week contract for my dream job, gonna be honest, kinda excited! :-D

!rant

I just signed a new job contract, good offer, hope they care more about the code produced

Just last month we finished a big project for a client. The company had their lawyers make a contract to transfer ownership for the website to them.

One of the requirements was to deliver all code in a word file. And just that. In the whole contract was not a word about transfering the production environment to their servers. Or supplying a working version. The files and database. No just the word file.

As of today still wondering what they where planning to do with a word file with hunderds of pages of code.

Offcourse we deliverd a working version to their servers. But why are there people making decisions about things they understand nothing at all.

Oh boy, my fellow devRanters, I just signed an 4 digit monthly salary (that's a lot in Lithuania) job contract, I'm a future Unix infrastructure engineer :o

As per original concept of ranting, it's been almost two months since I wrote for the stickers and didn't get a reply >:(

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!

Just when I thought today was my last day at this job they tell me contract has been extended by another 5 weeks... Fuck yes! :-D

HO. LY. SHIT.

So this gig I got myself into, they have a whitelist of IP addresses that are allowed to access their web server. It's work-at-home. We just got a new internet provider, and it looks like I get a different public IP address everytime I disconnect and connect to the WIFI. And since it looks like the way they work on their codebase is that you either edit the files right on the server or you download the files that you need to work on, make the changes, and then re-upload the file back to the server and refresh the website to see the changes, now I can't access the server because I get different IP addresses. And it's highly inconvenient to keep emailing them to add IP addresses to the whitelist.

No source control, just straight-up download/upload from/to the server. Like, srsly. So that also means debugging is extremely hard for me because one, they use ColdFusion and I've never used that shit before and two, how the hell do you debug with this style of work?

I just started this last Tuesday, and I already want to call it quits. This is just a pain in the ass and not worth my time. I'll be glad to just go back to driving Lyft/Uber to make money while I look for a full-time, PROPER job.

By the way, can I do that to a contracting job? Just call it quits when you haven't even finished your first task? How does this work?

My boss (non IT background) : Our contract with X company says the website must be web 2.0 compliant.

Me : What year is it!!

The best part of being a developer? Finding extra side work (easily) to completely pay for a vacation for my wife and I to Ecuador/Peru! We're currently sitting in the airport!

"This is incredibly unprofessional. You need to give at least 2 weeks notice like any other company that you work for" - Hiring manager to me after I said I couldn't come in today to the office.

Background for y'all:
1. I did a 2-day interview process and I never received news from HR that I got hired
2. I followed up today with HR and only then did they tell me in WhatsApp "Oh well you're hired"
3. HR didn't go into details about the contract, I was the one who proactively asked about it and HR just said "Oh I will send you your contract tomorrow and all the details."
4. Ergo, no contract has been signed TODAY and I have not gone through it and above all, I haven't accepted the offer yet

I gave the company a notice 30 minutes after thinking this through and said I won't come in today and made up a story (that I accepted another offer but really come on that's already a red flag - asking somebody to come in without a signed contract hey I'm not working for free)

Hiring manager said the above plus "I understand there's no contract yet but we're short on the team now so you should be on the train to come here"

No. I'm not obliged to do a 2 weeks notice when I do not have any contract binding me to this. You should appreciate I gave a notice instead of not showing up. Please tell me how professional your company is when internally your hiring team doesn't communicate with the hiring manager and you don't know the hiring laws of the country???

Eh fuck it, it's a 1 hr 41 minutes commute anyway if I ever did accept their offer.

After working late to complete a "required" feature, to have the client change their mind the next morning.

It's not a dev quiting but my brother who worked in parcel delivery at that time.
He was hired on a temporary contract but promissed from the beginning and in every discussion they had, that he'll get a permanent position after 6 moth, if his work is good.

Fast forward 6 months. They had a meeting and told him how satisfied they where with his work so naturally he asked about the permanent contract. Fuckers acted suprise and shit. Claiming to never have said any of it. However as they are happy with him and so "generous", they offerd him another contract for 6 months and told him, they could talk about a permanent one after that period.

He kind of has a temprament, so he got up, fliped them the bird and called them lying assholes and went home. He didn't show for the time left on his contract.

The funny thing about it he worked for the swiss postal service (which is owned by the state) but not directly but through this.company providing temporary workers (which is cheaper for them as they get a shitty salary compared to a full time employee with all the benefits).

Wankers!

Nice thing though, the accounting department still sent him a christmas bonus (he quit somewhere around mai...)

DigitalOcean

My god, it's so easy and simple to spin up a server for a few minutes without being stuck with a contract of a year. Also, being able to manage all my domains there is a blessing :D

Just signed my first contract as coder. I will finally be paid for writing code. I haven't been paid for doing something I like for years.

Just got moved from contractor to full time at my dream company halfway through my contract. On top of the world right now 😀

my fucking boss wants me to wear formal clothes to work (no tracksuit, no hoodie etc...), it's like i will type 1/3x faster with my FUCKING TIE! I WANT TO MURDER THE MOTHERFUCKER

This happened a while back but thought it would be an interesting story.

So there is this guy, I'll call him Jack. Jack was a weirdo. He just graduated high school but thought of himself as very hot in terms of dev skills. He boasted lots of good programs, that are the best in industry, except they don't work (like the best proven file compressor, that just can't decompress anything because of some "bugs"). He also entered language holy wars quite actively, saying that Delphi is the best platform ever.

Aaanyway, a couple of years pass. Jack is now a student. Jack tries to make some money, so he talks to some guy, that offers him a "job" at the tax office, where he has to modernize the data infrastructure of the tax authorities. If you think this sounds very wrong, then you're 100% correct. But it gets better. After 2 months of work, the guy manages to do that. It's a simple CRUD application after all.

So everything works, but the guy who gave him this job refused to pay. He stalled and then just stopped answering the phone. Jack is now furious. So what he does, is publish the databases online, so everyone could see the income of every citizen. Authorities are in panic. They send the police to his door. They seize his computer and lock him up for a few days.

To sum it all up: Jack took up a job, without any contract, without any NDA, which is completely illegal in of itself, but he did that with the tax authority. And delivered the product before getting paid. And when he understood that he was owned, he published all online. He got bit back. The guy who gave him this job had no consequences for illegally hiring someone and not paying for their work.

Lesson: Don't be Jack

Worst experience with a higher up?

At an old contract job (around 2013), I was contracted by the company to help guide their developers with me to rewrite their software (it was buggy as shit, they didn't know better.).

So, a month later, we are in the middle of the rewrite and the boss flies in pissed that it's not done yet, he had the audacity to accuse me of stealing contract work with no experience in the area.

I told him flat out, "you don't know what the hell you are talking about. If you didn't hire a JV coding team, you wouldn't need me to redirect your damn rewrite."

He fired me, so I went to his superior and told her the situation. She told me i completely deserved it.

Worse part was I got paid half of my contract. Didnt make that mistake again. 😒😒

Found out later that the company failed, declared bankruptcy. Felt pretty happy.

Just got a fat check for completing my first solo software contract.

Life isnt half bad for a highschool dropout.

Oh hell no

So this is a comparison of mobile contract prices in Europe which include 50 GB per month. I think I don‘t want to live in Germany anymore 😓

France: 14,49€
Swiss: 25,46€
...
Germany: 199,95€

Client: “I’m sorry I just don’t understand the issue with the contract?

You said logging into Facebook was easy, what’s the issue with feature X (= complex graph API queries based on opinions and sentiment) and displaying images and videos, it’s the same thing!!!”

... no sir, it is NOT

this happened in the first project of a small software company.

the contract said: project will be finished only until customer satisfaction

the customer was never satisfied. So, the company had to close and open with a different brand name

Got hired as a fullstack dev last august (first dev job). This was a 1 year contract. Was offered permanent employment today and I can't stop grinning :D

Fixing someone else's code who left the job.
Production suddenly not working, cannot debug locally, cannot deploy to a test environment because it does not exists anymore.
There should be a contract clause that developer need to support his project for 2 years after he leaves his job.

My company got another contract to support a research institute. My current contract has shitty leadership that won't back us against our boss (different company, same contract) without proof. The fact that 3 of the 4 of us dread going to work isn't enough?

Anyways. Talking to the other site about transferring. Need to gtfo to a less toxic environment where I won't be made to work fucked up hours with a boss who doesn't like women in tech, and thinks he's something special because he's vegan (but had real leather jackets and bike seats, but that's an entirely different story) and does yoga and plays the guitar.

Meanwhile, he resents his kids and seems to regret getting married. All because he used his military education benefits to pay for their school.

(Instant Message)
Client: Are you there?
Me: Yes speak please.
(Why don't you just leave the message? It's not like having a phone call…)
Client: The contract is ready. I'll send it to you.
(Waited for an akaward 10 minute…)
Client: ???Can you receive it???
(Omg are you doing SSL handshake or what? Just send the file!)
Me: Yes I can pleasre send it to me thank you so much.

So after promoting Flutter to the clients (for whom cross plateform solution are perfect match) for almost a year, today I finally got the first ever Flutter App contract. I believ e time for Flutter is really coming. Wish me luck!

WHAT IS THAT!!! Not signing this contract 😂😂😂

Nothing like waking up to racist messages from a client that isn't even under contract yet, guess who's getting flagged and muted.

Just got a signed contract for a new client's project. PLEASE don't be crooks! PLEASE pay me on time. PLEASE don't make my life miserable. Like the last one did.

The Moment when you signend a contract at a new cool company... Good money... Cool projects... nice ppl... And then you see it... 4 spaces instead of 1 tab, what to do? Go back to my old boss and beg for my old job? Just keep using 1 tab as i did in the last 20 years of my life? Commit suicide?

Story: Fastest I got a freelance/contract job
Company: *sends me an email that we saw you on GitHub, your profile is good and blah blah openings etc, if you are interested provide phone and suitable time.
*On call* starters conversation done in 2 minutes
C: how much experience do you have in blah blah frameworks
Me: x months
C: can you do blah blah work
Me: yeah
C: we want you to join from blah blah date and we can pay you x much money
Me: alright thanks, send me the formalities.

So finished a project for a client, the client signed a contract. He signed off that all milestones where reached. Text me that he was very pleased.
We give 30 days to pay. 8 days before the due date he asked for a meeting, telling us he wants to go another direction and he wants the source code to show the new development team he's going with to get a quote from them. I tell him that, that's fine he can have the source files once he pays for the product which was in the contract they signed mind you!! And this FUCKING DICK FART threats to sue, saying he's calling his lawyer, threatening me and my development partner with physical violence, and saying he's going to sue me personally not because me work was bad but because I refused to give him the product before he paid. I was calm we offered to meet his new dev team explain the code, and show them what they needed to see to give the clients a quote and they would not allow that, saying how now I'm not getting paid instead I'm getting sued and that he will publicly shame my startup company. Just complete bullshit, good thing I saved the original contract he wanted me to sign which had threats of physical violence I. His contract... Which in retrospect should have been a hint, but it was the highest paying contract we ever landed. Seems he never planned on paying. What's a guy to do?

Okay.
- insurance asking for residence contract
- residence asking for insurance and student proof
- university asking for residence and insurance
All hail French administration!

Just signed the contract for renting my first ever place today, and tomorrow is my first day of work as a software developer at a large company... It's been a crazy weekend, and tomorrow is probably gonna be even crazier! Little bit nervous tho... We'll see how it goes

2008: Back in the days when Vodafone used emojis for their contracts. Cool.

Lots of stress and strain the last months private and at work.
Headache all the days and no time to get back to my self. Programming starts to get tedious.

Now changing my life completely.
Broke up with my girlfriend and started looking for a new work - finally got a new contract today.
Dismissal coming on Monday.
3 months to go to get a enjoyable life.

PS: lurking some months and finally created an account. Thanks for all the rants which let me smile!

You fucking piece of crap of an idiotic client. What the fuck do you need to know more than “job will start upon signing the quote”? A fucking bouquet of flowers? And now you need a meeting to “improve communication between you and us”. Read the fucking emails, I’m not your fucking employee. “Why should we wait that we approve the ticket or whatever to get the job done?” BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A FUCKING MAINTENANCE CONTRACT. I am not your buddy and I don’t fucking do favours. You want the job done? Either you accept the quote, or you accept the ticket request, or you subscribe to a fucking prepaid or flat maintenance contract. It’s simple as that you fucking elephant broken Asshole.

Fuck you and your fucking meeting requests.

Most awkward recruiter interaction was probably when I had to tell a staffing agency that I didn't want to work for them because I had already worked for them and left.

I got into IT by working for a staffing agency and I was contracted out to a large company's IT call center. Doing the usual sort of level-one tech support stuff. After my contract term ran out (and upon reminding my boss that she wouldn't be my boss for much longer if she didn't hire me away from the staffing agency), I was hired on full-time.

Six months later I left the call center and moved on to a cloud server development job in the same company. Not long after that, I got a message on LinkedIn from the staffing agency, offering to hire me on as a contractor working for one of their largest partners in the area.

I responded asking for more details, just for fun. The company I'd be working for, etc. Then I had to inform them that I had in fact previously worked for their firm, and now worked at the company that they were offering to contract me out to, and earning a fair bit more money than they were offering.

They didn't even look at my employment information on LinkedIn before sending the InMail. Just glanced over my skills, saw the magic buzzword "devops," and sent me a message.

I signed the contract for my first software developer job! I just want to thank everybody here that’s pushed me to do better, challenged my assumptions, and contributed to my growth as a dev and person. You all are great.

I just gave a successful demo to the CEO and CTO of a company I'm doing some contract work for. The questions they were asking led to me going off script, luckily it all worked!

When meeting other devs, I'm always wondering if they are on devRant too...

Just went to a company to sign a contract for my internship in the summer holidays and there were 3 other people at about my age. 🤔

I thought about opening devRant in the elevator to see their reactions but it was very full and I couldn't do it...

Anyways if anyone reading this, just signed a contract, the ugly guy was me!

Started talk on a contract to build out a web payments portal, and ended up with a security contract instead. After initial probing, which I do to all prospective clients, I told them I would not work with a company that is as insecure as them.

They hired me for analysis and now want me to make them a plan.

They also fired their entire security division for not doing their job.

What the fuck is 2020 turning into...

Self documenting code is a fucking myth you bloody sheep.

Write “self documenting code” then add a fucking comment or two explaining why the fuck the code deserves should be there because nobody can see what the fuck it is doing or understands how the whole collection of microservices works. I’m sick of spaghetti code bullshit full of accidental redundancy because it is impossible for anyone to realize why something is there at a glance.

I renamed different “Contract” classes today by adding numbers before code review.
Contract
Contract1
Contract2
Contract3
All of these classes are supposed to be the same but somehow they aren’t and you self documenting dumbasses missed it. Don’t gripe about the numbered classes in the repo… fix the fucking code and collapse the classes so we don’t have four sections of code describing the same fucking structure from a http get with different interfaces because four people couldn’t read the whole like some fucking computer.

Client have this amazing idea about a website that they wanted to convert into reality by using our service. Me and my friend started working on it.

After a month later when it's almost ready, they informed they are not investing into the idea anymore. They would like to discard the project and will pay half of it.

I am eventually realising why signing a contract is really important

“Your idea is not valuable, at all. All value is in the execution. You think you are an exception; you are not. You should not insist on an NDA to talk about it; nobody serious will engage in contract review over an idea, and this will mark you as clueless.” Patrick McKenzie

I got the job and wow that was fast. I applied for the job on monday at 2 am and they sent me the contract on tuesday (today) at 10pm. Thats 44 hours from the first mail until I got the contract :D

Also: I just love it, the company seems to be exactly what I was looking for

Goddamn it.
I extended my contract at a company, also switched from 8 hrs to 4 hrs. Me not knowing exactly when the switch is happening, i thought i have to work 8 hrs till the first contract is over (middle of the month ish). Well, huge nope, it changed in the beginning of september. I managed to do 40 hrs of overwork.
They don't pay overwork. Fck this.
Well at least i can stay home more :P

Starting from this week my boss started to be pain in my ass. He wants me to do sales more then developer work. I told him on Monday that I can’t do sales because my interest is in coding. My boss said that I have to do whatever he tells me to do because in my contract there is a clause that’s “Any other work that may be assigned by your boss”.

I’ am fucked!

Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?

Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...

Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...

Me: I already have a job.

Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.

Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!

Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.

Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?

Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...

Me: Yeah, please delete my file...

Just finished signing my first ever professional contract. Shortly after I was given a conpany sheet where I had to give part of my personal info and answer some fun questions, one of which was what super power would you want to have?
My answer was obviously: The ability to always find the missing ';' 😂😂😂

Well done, T-Mobile!

They have an iOS app to handle contract stuff. That app integrates their shop system via an internal browser.
The shop notifies me, that the used browser is not supported by the shop...

Oh and the browser is an embedded safari on iOS 12.

Marketing : Do you think we can implement this feature in a system?

Dev : Hmm....*checking specs*...This will...

Marketing : *interrupts* we have already signed a contract with a client.

Dev : ugh......

That thing, when you're in the first two days at a new contract, when you don't have access to anything and everyone keeps asking "what are you working on"?

😭🔫

Friend: « Can you help me do the js part of my paid contract for free ? »
Me: Yeees, sure, I am not going to do that, never

just saw a contract job "Write tests for existing codebase"....

!rant
Just signed a contract as a full-time web developer at Mid-Norway's largest productions house.
Prior 6 months as an apprentice, no prior formal education, self-taught since the age of 12, and I'm 20 now.

I see myself needing a stress ball in the future

The guy was a complete asshole. He criticized every line of code i did and said he could find someone else who could do it better for less.

It also doesn't help the fact that i worked alone in that project.

!rant I’ve been with the same company for 6 years, but the past few years things have been continually declining. Nothing has been awful, I just feel like there is very little room for promotion, or even worse, knowledge gains (we do a lot of win forms, c# mvc, vb6, sql stored procs). I’ve been so desperate to learn “new stuff” that I’ve been picking up contract work where I can find it (for nights and weekend projects). I’m excited to say that the company I’ve been doing most of my contract work with has offered me a full time remote position! It’s a 30% increase in pay, all new tech (mostly React Native, ReactJS, GraphQL, Nodejs, python, and integration with existing .Net applications)!

Feel honored DevRant, I’m telling all of you before I even share the news with my family (with the exception of my wife)!

Adult site..

you will have contract length free premium membership
and contract length wood.

One of the things I have no fucking patience for is bureaucracy. For the last year I've been working for a company I have no problem with, I like the place and I like the people here. Recently I was contacted by another company and offered a better salary to work for them. I was open about it with my boss and we both accorded that I will receive the same salary to stay (It was ok to me since I feel comfortable here), but in order to do that I'll have to sign a new contract. Ok, no big deal. Few days later a HR girl contacts me to send her all the documentation needed to elaborate a contract, and I was like 'You guys already have all my documents, been working here for a year'. But Ok, I tried not to be picky and just sent her everything again. Then she requests online psychometric tests, sends a shitload of formats to fill, like personal references, their company-custom resume format, privacy policies, and many more stupid and irrellevant paperwork nobody should need when a person has been working for you for a year and you want him to stay. I really tried to be patient and do everything the HR girl wanted me to do, but for one reason or other, she kept rejecting the formats I was sending (I had to download, print, sign, scan and resend many of them). We've been wrestling for an entire fucking week over this shit via email and she can't just write a new contract, make me sign it and leave me the fuck alone. The last thing she compained about was a stupid personal reference format I didnt scan with my signature on. This other company wants me to start next monday. I guess the next document I'll be sending her will be my resignation letter.

So my manager calls me in today and says "Congratulations for getting the excellence award, but I'm sorry we can't give it to you as you're still a contract employee. But hey you did a good job 👍"

IDK if I should be happy or sad. Or just say FUck my luck and get back to coding 😂

Client: "We're not ready to be finished with the project but I don't want to pay you any more money to meet the terms of the contract we both signed, even though all my must-have changes led to more costs just like you had warned me they would."

Me: "Don't make any more changes, plez."

Client: "Imma make another change."

Me: "No. Stahp. Don't."

Client: "I added four new fields and probably a ton more business rules I don't care to understand."

Me: "Kill me. Just put this gun to my head and kill me."

Client: "That's not in our contract!"

Easy work does not pay...

Hey if you make an app that specifically depends on gnome and has 2 gigs of dependencies on other platforms

fuck you fuck your ancestors fuck your entire extended family fuck everything you have, do and will ever stand for, i hope you contract ever imaginable diseases to the point where existence itself pains you.

New project, sent a 7 page contract to the client. First day of work and client begins to ask things outside scope and terms.

I explained what is written in contract and he interrupted me saying "I READ THE CONTRACT".

One minute later, he starts asking the same things again.

Agreed on an offer from company X... Told them I'd sign the contract on my first working day, still a week away.

The offer had a lower salary than my previous job, I needed to relocate, and travel costs were not covered. It was a step back for me but I really needed a new job.

After the weekend I got an invitation for another interview... All went well and the perks were better than the offer made by company X.

Next day I had the second interview and they were very excited and offered me a contract.

Contract came in on friday, signed it and called company X that I'd like to reject the position after reconsidering my options...

Boy were they pissed off 😂

So it's done. I signed my new contract with my new company after I left my old job. Better contract level, better pay, better benefits (at my old office they didn't even give me a pc. I had to use mine..)..
But the sad/funny story is that my old boss do not talk to me anymore because he can't understand why I'm leaving..sooo mature!
I really don't care because actually he do not deserve anything from me, he's (and forever will be) an arrogant prig without humility.
The only regret is leaving the co-workers I bound with..but I'm sure we'll be in touch.
Yep.. maybe this is definitely a rant/story!
Wish me good luck for this new adventure!

Just like GMO foods have to be labelled as such in some regions, electron apps should be labelled too so I don't accidentally contract RAM-herpes

I totally don't mind being asked to contribute to the improvement of the onboarding process while they just told me that they won't extend my contract and are gonna get someone else. that's totally fine.

Just got my Contract canceled by my client cuz introducing -- my half-month of hard work -- April Fools Theme to his Website i've been working on past 5 months (not including vacation).

Worth it 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Regus sent me to collections.

Jist: if you ever think about renting an office from Regus, for the love of your bank account and your credit, just don't. Go into the kitchen and pan-fry your face instead. it'll be better.

Moral: get it in writing. What is "it"? Fucking everything.

------

I needed someplace quiet away from my children to work, so I rented an office from Regus. They said they had a minimum 6-month contract, which is fine, but at the time I was pretty sure I would be moving within three to five. They said they understood and offered the quivalent of a month-to-month plan: I could cancel my contract whenever I wanted, given a few weeks' notice, and that would be that. It wasn't in writing, but both the accounts person and the regional manager were there offering it to me, and they seemed cool. Awesome! I agreed, signed the contract, and paid a hefty damage deposit.

Long story short, I ended up hating the office, and chose to bear the distractions at home instead. Seeing how much I disliked it, the accounts person I talked to originally called me and offered to cancel my contract. I agreed, and she walked me through the steps to cancel it and request my deposit back. Done. I aske her if that was it; no more payments, no more contract. "No more," she said. "You're done." I liked the sound of that. Done and done.

The next day, I check my bank account; no deposit.
Two weeks later, still no deposit.
A month later, still no deposit.

They did say it could take up to three fucking months or something, so whatever. I waited.

Another month later, and instead of my refunded deposit, I get an overdue invoice notice? Seriously?

Apparently they never cancelled my contract, don't remember offering me the month-to-month agreement, nor does the very chick I talked to remember telling me over the phone that everything was paid up and done. Apparently my contract wasn't even for six months like they originally promised, but indefinite? despite all of this? and despite the two of us fucking cancelling it? together?

But no, the legal agreement is binding and explicitly states that they are fucking assholes and due their pound of cash.

So fuck that and fuck them.
And in response, they sent me to collections.
Huge fucking surprise.

and now collections is calling me saying I owe $1900, which works out to a lot more than the couple months it's been since I cancelled that crap, AND.

AND IT'S LESS THAN THE FUCKING DEPOSIT REGUS NEVER RETURNED!

SO NOT ONLY DID THEY NEVER CANCEL MY CONTRACT, THEY CHANGED ITS TERMS (or lied up-front) AND DECIDED TO POCKET THE DEPOSIT INSTEAD OF APPLY IT TO MY FUCKING IMAGINARY BALANCE!

FUCK YOU SHADY MOTHERFUCKERS!

Working as a new employee: no wifi. No work. 10 new tools to get familiair with. 41 new people to get to know. No workstation. No desk. No signed contract.
So far so good.

Just went from full time employee at my work to contract under my own LLC on a retainer at my old salary. I'm my own man and it feels great. All the tax breaks shall be mine.

Has anyone who's running a start-up had to deal with email happy clients?

I just watched a thread of 14 emails be generated for sending a maintenance contract which was already agreed upon.

Most of the emails are "thanks for the reply........."
To which some one will reply " thanks for the reply.........

If I dont fucking get a passing grade on this test I'll have to wait another year for my diploma yet I allready siged a full time contract 🙃🙃🙃

When me and 2 friends/officemates of mine, formed a freelance team to work part time for us to pay the bond contract on our full time job. We were able to leave 9 months after forming the team.

Got a job at a great company but I have to move out (I am Canadian and I got a job at Seattle)
How do I say that to my very... "possessive" boss?
Last time someone tries to quit, he threatened to sue them....
(something to do with the NDA contract saying you can't work in a similar job for the next year)

that would be:
1.) when a co-worker belittled me for asking a question about a piece if code he wrote in a technique that I'm not familiar with, and mainly:
2.) when my contract wasn't extended and I received an invitation to improve the onboarding process for new employees the next day

Working on photo contest site, no design, no specification. 2 weeks until deadline.

CEO: Deadline is one week earlier, and client wants to have video uploads and automatic facebook share too.
Me: We don't even have a contract and design to work with yet.
CEO: No worries, the contract will be signed by the time you finished the website.

Site done in 1 week, including weekend days and overtime. Production on client's server as asked by CEO.

3 weeks later...

Me: So van you pay the overtime I worked?
CEO: Sorry client not payed and says they don't like the end product. I can't afford to pay you overtime.

2 days later.
CEO: The online department is lossy so you have to work harder in the next month, we have 3 sites to be done.

Me: Do we have the contracts?
CEO: No worries...

It might be a stupid question, but:
Do the full-stack devs of you actually have that function in the job contract or does it just say "(junior/senior) software developer"?

Mine says just "Software Developer" and in my opinion it sounds just too generic and undervalued for what I'm actually doing...

New contract termination clause to be included in all future project contracts: "Contracting client agrees that uttering the phrase 'Your job is whatever I say it is,' or any semanticaly equivalent variant thereof is grounds for immediate contract termination. All work product and IP rights will transfer and assign to contracting client ONLY upon payment in full of contracted payment amount prorated to contract termination date."

I didnt thought I have to write this down, but you people dont get standard business logic, so here advice from someone who knows that shit:
- If you wanna get paid, make your own contract and let a lawyer look over it.
- always have a lawyer on retainer and enough money for him/her.
- nothing is real without a signature.
- your clients should know that you're gonna sue them if they don't pay.
- don't go easy on anyone, here an easy way to decide if you should sue:
Didnt pay? Sue.
Breaks contract? Sue
Asks for later payment? Dont
- always code in a killswitch, trust me you're gonna need it.

When a client tries to sue but then realizes their fight was nullified by the signed contract.

Bird = client
Fox = Developer

Major state insurance provider, all past and current members data stored unencrypted (including SSN, date of birth, home address, etc.). All developers and contract developers had read access to it. Reported it, nothing was done. Reported it again in my exit interview. Was basically told they had intrusion detection systems in place so it was not an issue.

Oh please it's weekend. Don't call me or message me, especially if it's not urgent 😡 My contract doesn't include selling my soul.

So, I was able to hack into a local business (legally) in under two minutes today... great and scary right? Get this, it was from my iPhone. All switches were still the default username and password... after seeing that they didn't think anything was wrong and didn't sign the contract... imagine what I could have done with my laptop and my PWNtools...

Fuck it, more (l)user data for me to log.😏

I am sad, I am not getting paid for last month's work as it was some "mis-communication" and my contract was available till August! 2 options

> set opacity of the website in such a manner it partially shows anything
> set the website on fire

went on contract for an insurance company to build their new platform. looking at the current system, found that they used lookup tables but they were putting the "description" column of the lookup into the main tables. I said that they should be putting a foreign key reference into these tables and the senior developers response... "then it would come up with a number rather than the description when I query the table"

At a workplace I was attached to, a colleague of mine taught and still teaches Actionscript 2/3.

She rambles about how coding is important to a modern career, while teaching students how to animate a circle. Management can't fire her because of a poorly drafted contract.

Worst of all, she refuses to update her skillset.

It was my first time. I didn’t write a contract.

!Rant
Got a job offer as an Android Dev, signed the contract, while signing employer asked me if i am a mac or pc user. A day before my joining date got an email from him asking me to bring my mac with me on my first day. Turns out he won't be providing me with a machine to work on :).

I actually have no idea why I got hired. I didn't have an interview rather a chat. Next thing I knew I had the offer letter and an employees contract.

Part? The whole damn thing.

We are supposed to be practicing agile, but I haven't seen a single sprint plan till date. All we do is solve issues that are reported from production/QA.

Nobody follows proper documentation, no reviews, no proper version control... Can't wait to finish my contract here and get the hell out.

I don't. Not since I was told last week that they won't extend my contract end of this year. Apparently me picking up a tasks that nobody else wanted / cared to do isn't enough. And now I get to look people in the face every day that told me I'm not good enough. Not exactly motivating.

I'm going home!

For the past six months I've been on a contract that has kept me away from my family. On Saturday I will finally be moving back home. I'm elated to be seeing my family again, but I'm scared because I don't have a new job lined up. Wish me luck.

Italy:

"Here's your collective contract, you get paid like everyone else in this job regardless of your experience or proven skills"

Can't blame anyone for getting out of that hellhole

I'm currently working on a feature that no one likes. Everyone knows that it will be removed soon because the users won't understand it, but it still has to be implemented due to client-side Management madness.

Good thing: the contract with this client expires in 3 weeks :)

No-contract client stops the project in the middle and wants his complete deposite (25%) back. How to tell this asshole that he has to pay even more??

I'm currently 2 months into a 6 month project for a large automotive client. After being derailed onto a different project a week after I started, I'm back onto the project I was hired for. I asked my manager today for some data from the client so I could move forward. He said "well, we haven't won the contract yet, so they're unwilling to give us the data at this point." Talk about being blindsided.

Why the fuck management keep outsourcing entire platforms for in-house use if we have a fucking dev team...

Those platforms are constantly having contract issues and one we recently rewrote from scratch and is waaay better than the one they fucking paid another company to do....

Lol, my boss wanted me to sign a one year contract for a shitty money, because "that's the standard in it". Well... no.

Got a 50 GB pm data bundle included in my cellphone contract of $17 pm. This changes all the things!

Best: 100% of my contracts have resulted in extensions and permanent roles offered, after worrying I wasn't good enough to try contracting.

Worst: Used the wrong set of monitoring when doing my first deployment at a contract and thought what I had deployed was working fine. It wasn't. For 24 hours. Cost the company a lot of money. (why did they offer me an extension again?)

"Why are you sometimes late?"

Because your promised office was always late. Had to commute 2 hours and work for almost 10 hours in weekdays just to sleep for 4 hours.

You said that the new Office will be in August. Now it's October and it's still half-baked.

Learn Empathy first

My current job. Fire half the dev staff, leave junior as only web dev with no plans to rehire. Then immediately starts a larger project that we don't have a contract for yet with half baked and fuzzy requirements, due by March. The reason for firing most of the staff? Running out of money and can't promise our jobs 3 months out.

Won the big contract. 😅

When my boss called me 4 nights in a row at 3 AM where I had to get up at 6 to go to school, and forcing me to work 25-30 hours a week when the contract said approximately 15.

when you spend a week implementing paypal subscriptions for your company's ecommerce platform and they tell you to scrap it because paypal doesnt allow you to configure a subscription contract after its been made

Few weeks ago: Please write the system design docs for feature X of the new project Y. We need it in two weeks.
Few days later: Stop working on the docs, the customer hasn't yet bought that feature.
Few days later: We found that we included that feature in the main contract already. We need the docs in two days.
Today (docs delivered a month ago): There was a misinterpretation of the requirements and the contract, the customer hasn't bought the feature with the main contract, it has to be sold additionally. You didn't do anything 'til now, did you?

It would be really nice, if sales could finally decide what the customer bought and then tell me about the requirements that are already covered in the docs anyway. But I fear it could end in asking the customer 🤪🔫

!rant

I just did a thing. Signed the contract for buying my very first apartment at age 21. So fucking stocked, and feel bad for my wallet

Wondering why I haven't received deposit for new job yet. Check for signed quote and contract... Yep, both there. Look I account program to see when I sent invoice.....

I haven't sent it yet!
I'm a dick!

Update to interview that I had, it went well, I'm starting a 3 month contract 30th May, (soon after my honeymoon). When that's over we'll have a discussion and hopefully I'll be the right fit for the company.

Deleted a whole repo after a client started renegotiating a closed contract. smh

Hired by large prestigious company to do web development. Understanding at the outset, I was not a web developer, just wanted my foot in the door with the company. 2 days after orientation, I am placed on a $20 million contract expansion with 3 other developers. All new to this contract. So: new language, new technologies, new team, no leadership, no mentorship. 2 months later after a month of asking for help, I'm asked why I'm not delivering solid code by the project exec and moved to the testing team. Testing team lead introduces me to people on the contract and answers questions or tells me vaguely where to loom. Spend last 4 months building a professional fuck you by making myself a yes man to everyone and their mother. Left the contract and have been getting regular hours with them since (including developing for them). New contract loves me and despite the project execs attempt to torpedo me, I have an excellent reputation and am positioned for career advancement already.

I couldn't give him the finger, but I made him regret lettimg me go. Original team lead has since been released for unrelated HR complaint.

Next Wednesday, I have a project presentation at my school, where me and a fellow student will show to a jury a project we worked on for at least 6 months (and also that the 3rd dude in my team did absolutely nothing). This means that at the end of this, we'll get a diploma, which means the end of my fucking studies that took me 7 years.

The same day, I have my 3rd job interview with a company, in which I expect to either sign a contract or to get back the contract a few days after.

I'm both overwhelmed and shitting my pants.

a former client and their client keep contacting me about the project i did for them, we couldn't agree on a new contract but they keep asking me things about the site but, if they had signed would be billable.

Sorry i dont work for free.

wrote my first smart contract today!

"This is now urgent we are in risk of breach of contract."

*travels an hour just to discuss*

"Oh don't worry, don't panick about it, so and so is probably sorting it. We most likely don't need it."

Waiting for my interview at a big firm.
Nervous.
If I am accepted here, I will have to break a 1 year contract with my previous company. I just feel it is not the right thing to do but this is a very good oppurtunity for me.

During my last University year, a big IT Corp made a national contest for students with some 3 phases and some prized at the end. I ended 14 over 2000 participants and they called me for an internship which eventually turned up to a good job contract. Still working with them now.

8 days till end of contract.
Let’s hope nobody nice want to hire me for at least a month.
I need vacation badly.

#!/bin/not-a-rant
What's the best site to look for contract work for developers ? I have a salaried position but want to moonlight to raise money for adopting a girl . My wife and I have had eight
miscarriages , and adoption is prohibitively expensive!

I feel like adding a new section to my contract mentioning that any uninformed delay in response, payments, or material transfer would cost an additional fee per day (except on public holidays and weekends).

Any thoughts?

Consulting/contracting for a company, and their lead developer/ops guy quits without warning. This leaves me as the only one with the somewhat technical know how but without access to do anything to move any changes to production....

Signing the contract with a new agency as their new dev in 3 hrs. Will quit my current Job on Aug. 18. Looking forward to that day. Boss will explode...

So a guy made us develop a website, an Android app and an iOS app prototype under contract for a really low amount. We had initially agreed as it would be a learning experience.

3 months later we are still doing bug fixes for end-to-end deployment. For some reason we are responsible for publishing and deploying the whole system. He hasn't paid us anything yet and has given a shitty LOR which has been taken off the net.

When you've signed a contract to not build something similar to the customers product but their implementation sucks and you just want to make the world a better place. #Hooli

When you realize your client is fucking insane selfemployed maniac whom just sent threats of suing to a relative who worked for/with her for some bullshit thing since the relative wanted out of the company. Luckily we didn't make a formal contract (never reached that point) so I don't have to make your webpage you stupid cunt

Started this day great with the mention that a coworkers contract isn’t suspended.

In August?

Thats in freaking 6 months. Workload is already fucking insane, and STILL you fucking decide to fucking fire another fucking person from YOUR fucking company.
This has been the 5th i think and my contract is due to July. If it is prolonged i’m thinking of screwing this company over my going away myself. Bunch of mother fucking idiots.

Ended the day great as well.
Heard that a new person is going for lead promotion. Haha.
He has been here for only two months. :,)

Left and right projects are exploding meanwhile i’m in the middle trying to cut the right wire!

Gives an award winning VR idea to our 'Digital Manager'

Says it's too hard for us to do ( it wasn't ) , goes out and pitches it to another digital agency for 'Help', ( mainly coz of the freelance commission )

They go ahead with the idea and make their campaign with it.

we don't get anything. no credit, nothing.

I wonder how the hell someone become a manager with that much of stupidity.

>Be me.
>Apprentice dev, first real programming job.
>Excited to start work.
>Contract comes through.
>About what I expected, i.e. we own everything you make while working here.
>Sign and send the signed pages back.
>Next day...

>READ THESE 5 20 PAGE PDF BOOKLETS, DO PENSIONS, SIGN 3 DOCUMENTS, LET US LOOK UP YOUR DICK PICS AND EVERYTHING ELSE, GIVE US YOUR PASSPORT, AND SEND BACK THE ENTIRE CONTRACT.

>...ok.

Please tell me more about how you're desperate for me to start this project but don't want to sign a contract or give me money up front.

Go away... I'm new to freelancing but I'm not a mug

DFW the client decides to not renew the contract, and so their start hiring their own developers. This guy decides to fix a layout problem by putting everything in a table element, breaking a bunch of other shit he didn't test for before committing. Fucking end me now, please.

Drove past the offices of a company that I am in the final stages of completing a website for. The sign on the building says To Let. I've been paid just under half up front, i have a solid contract but I'm fucked if they've vanished. I'll have to get to the bottom of this. FML

As an intern I will get fired at the end of the contract and then back to school. Yeay.

No performance bonus was mentioned in my contract but hey they gave me one anyway... Man I love working here

Started a new job, then I found out that the salary of the person in charge of me has lower/same as I have.

How did I know? I looked at the API without authentication of all the list of employees.

Luckily, I didn't sign the contract yet

a contract designer came in usually one hour late with headphone on playing b-box music, who took a nap on his desk almost everyday before his contract ended. later, he took on a creative director gig in another startup

There's something very satisfying doing contract negotiations for your next job while you're stuck in a boring 4 hour meeting at your current shitty job.

!rant

Got a permanent contract today after 1½ year of temporary contract. 🤩

I'll be doing mostly whatever I want, but it starts with a new mobile app for both Android and iOS. Maybe I'll try Xamarin or React Native. However, I don't know iOS (Swift) yet, so maybe I'll learn it along the way. It depends on what would be best for the users.

A friend of mine has been searching for a job for 3 months, he finally got one, signed a contract and started 2 weeks ago. Now he got an offer from a company he applied to, completed an interview and was abandoned and they want to pay 3x more than the present job. This is bad luck. Bad, bad luck

So I sign a contract for a new app with a client and in the contract we mentioned that a down payment should be payed upon signature. Then when we signed they postponed the payments for 4 days then after 4 days for another 4 days which is next week.

I informed them that the work is paused until they prepare the down payment. The problem here is should i change the contract with new dates or it's fine to leave it as is?

I wish i can only work on my apps.

I went into interview last Friday and felt great. The recruiter said they needed people urgent, so I'll be hearing from him soon. On Monday he called me saying they liked me and would like me to join the team, so he will prepare a proposal for me.

It's been three days and I haven't received any information or contact with him about the proposal.

How much did it usually takes to create a contract proposal?

Teacher asks me to join him for a web app development.

First stages, I have to dig deep into a framework I don't know (He doesn't know it too, and I know that learning is the only way to step through)

Month goes by, began developing some mock-ups, he says he didn't like it, sends me a website made in fucking Wix. Seriously?

Fast forward another month, tonight I'm coding some stuff, he stills doesn't know how to fucking use Yii. fml

Developer contract, day rate £500 in London or £400 remote working! WTF!
Does the agency/client seriously think they should pay less for the same work if done remotely? If anything, remote should pay more, it saves the client money and the remote worker will probably have more productive hours without the fucking shitty commute.

Just today I lost a lawsuit because my contract was written and signed in Nigeria and I sued them in the USA and I couldn't convince the judge it was fraud. I transformed the company implenting SAP and office365 and a WAN and many other projects. Worked nearly every single day 3 years in a row even during vacations, public holidays and holidays. Lost over 400k USD in lost benefits and wages that were in the contract but never paid. I feel absolutely devastated.
Unless you work for a US or European based company never ever work in Nigeria.

Going to design a contract for my services it's going to include additional costs for additional changes because with clients the job is never done 😉😉

Have no words. Just got an email from a recruiter for a 6 months contract in a vendor company for a position....the final customer will be my current employer where I am already working as a full time employee. No mistakes because it is a very specific role.
At least please read the CV when you have one!

We're hiring contract developers at my office. Just leafing though someone's CV before an interview and noticed it was 10 pages long! That's been a record so far but to be honest so many have been 4-6 pages long. What happened to keeping things succinct and relevant!?

three days ago my manager force me to complete a huge android app in one week, alone😑

this project contract signed three years ago😑 and my manager every day lie to contractor 👹

i`m new in office and now he wants fuck me 🙄

one week piece shit😡

so whats your idea to safe me😶

Finding out a colleague that you thought you got on well with thinks you're too big for your boots, the day you've been offered a full-time contract.
Fuck them. I'm gonna work my arse off and show them that my boots fit just fine, thank you very much!

So my contract won't get extended :/
They want to centralize the team in the uk before the brexit... so... Fuck

Client can't pay me and has asked to pay me in four installments spread across on month. Surely to all hell, if you don't have the money, don't hire a goddamn developer!

This job was decided before I got advice from you guys about getting a contract as well!

why do java developers wear glasses?

because their ciliary muscles can't contract to focus light on the retina

Have a contractor on at work who hand writes minified css. Counting down the weeks until that contract isn't renewed.

New job hasn't provided a signable contract :/ well shit...

happy new year! what do yall have planned for this year? I'm thinking about writing me up a miniature jarvis to automate my Web Development business, nothing really special just automated invoices, website installs, calendar, contract signing, etc. where all I have to do is type up a requirement list and code

The moment when your company customer is a major mobile provider and you reply to their support question: "Device you mentioned was not included in the bundle you got, but we can include it for 4.99/m + vat if you're on contract."

;D for all the times they said it to me...

!rant

Today I got access to the code for the new contract I’m working on.

It all built first time from source.

I’ve never wept such joyful tears.

Newbie alert! Just recently finished a web project. Where i forgot to specify in the contract how many revisions the client got.... learned a lot, especially when it comes to the contract part.

Client emails for a wordpress site:
12:46 - Can you change the header color to #xxxxxx?
12:47 - Also can you change the text on this page? ( not part of our contract)
12:49 - never mind, I've done it already.. I'll contact you if I need more help.

2 things that piss me off as a professional developer doing contract work...

1. A fellow dev accepts a meeting invite, doesn’t show up and won’t pick up the phone.

2. A fellow dev taking a meeting in a noisy place with bad wifi.

This guy has now managed to pull #1 last week and #2 this week...

Just signed my training contract 🎉Quitting university to become a programmer within 18 Months apprenticeship