Working in the government debugging usually starts with “have you tried it in IE? If yes, try it in something else. If no, try it in IE.”

Oh 2024 please deliver us from this hellscape which the heathens before me have wrought.

Me: Requirements changed a lot since we first started. If we re-write a few sections of the app we can drastically reduce bugs, crashes, improve debug-ability etc.

PM: sure let me push back this unnecessary feature and you can do that next.

*woke up*

*cried at the thought of how amazing life would be*

NPM and the whole dependency tree for JS packages should burn in the pits of hell.
Let's pretend that uninstalling a single (albeit larger) module didn't take 8 minutes and that it didn't spit out 20 warnings from a total of 277 (HOLY FUCK) related packages.

How can you guys (JS-only devs) handle this ?!

Implemented a feature without the hardware to run it on.
Hardware arrives on the last day before it has to be prepared for a trade show.
Feature works on first try.
I have never been so suspicions.

Men will be men..... What do you think????

Someone two years into a degree wrote this. What the actual fuck.

both sides are real

Somebody tell JetBrains that government-funded projects that are publicly available and free are also FOSS and shouldn't be exempt from free licenses dammit

Dear Sourcetree,

Crash one more fucking time before I commit and I swear to god I will jump through a fucking moving semi truck.

That feeling when...

...you can't build a project because you can't autogenerate some files because they rely on some other autogenerated files that rely on some other autogenerated files that can't be generated because the project can't build...

Just another day in the eye of the dependency hurricane!

That dudes comics are fantastic.

अहं ब्रम्हास्मि!

It does run...

External company HR: We are sorry to hear you've decided to turn down our offer. You made a great impression and we thought you'd be a good fit. If you change your mind please let us know.

Me: I too am sorry you didn't tell me you were moving to the other-side of the county in two weeks, making it impossible for me to travel to and from work. I too have feelings about having done all the interviews and this being the end result. Thank you

Boss throwing up a huge source code that I didn't see before.

Boss: Hey, this is an app from a contractor to do XYZ.

Me: Oh, okay.. so?

Boss: You will continue the code and the maintenance now. How much time do you need to implement X feature?

Me: I need to see the code first, can't say nothing now.

Boss: ok I need estimation now.

Me: *getting nervous* I need to see the fuckening code first. if you want estimation now I would say one year..

Boss: what?

Me: what?

No one:
Literally no one:
Google:

When your product team doesn’t properly test before launching a new feature. 😂

I like how when you put a device in "Developer Mode", it doesn't complain anymore and lets you do (almost) whatever you want.
I wish there was a "Developer Mode" in society.
Neighbor1:"He's 25 and he has no proper job yet"
Neighbor2:"Oh, he's on developer mode".
Neighbor1:"Ah. Okay."

Random Street Guy1:"Look at her clothes. Kids these days don't have any values".
Random Street Guy2:"Oh, she's on developer mode".
Random Street Guy1:"Ah, Okay."

Most people I talk to in the industry hate the "puzzle-y" nature of interviews (e.g. coding on a whiteboard, now get it to run in linear time, oh wait there's a trick you don't know but could totally look up if given the chance) and acknowledge that it does a poor job determining the value of the prospective hire.

Why then is there no sign of this changing? I realize it's a hard problem to solve but in theory the entire company is at stake when it comes to hiring good/bad devs. You'd think somebody would have come up with a better way.

In knew it was bad at the time, but holy shit have I realised how shitty my last job was!

Underpaid (though still not doing too badly), underappreciated, and no promotion or raise despite promises of one for over a year. Of course the minute I handed in my notice, they immediately offered me a 15k raise and "oh, we can get you involved in the management side in 6 months".

Guess what bitches, my new job * is * being a manager, and I get a 20k pay rise. 2 weeks in and I'm loving it, wish I'd switched sooner!

The catch is, I'm now a manager. Does this make me the future bad guy?

Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

Javascript === Polish

True story. 😂

So relatable.

manager tries to find someone available for a long hard task..

Me:

So... an Italian government website published sensitive data of thousand of citizens, because they thought that it was enough to turn white the text color in order to anonymize the sensitive content of the files. Italy, 2019.

Source (in Italian):
https://wired.it/internet/regole/...

I dont get why companies shy away from proper source managment and devops it just sounds like managmentheaven:
Your developers would write down every single thing they did in nice and easily quantifiable units of work, with then they did it exactly to the minute, and with CI/CD patches could be released directly after being tested. And tests mean the devs even safe some QA time.

Me: Buy a cover for my phone online.
Google: Let's bomb him with ads about phone covers for 2+ months..

Great

My girlfriend is amazing:

After a long uphill battle trying to finish a huge open source project I started months ago. She noticed I was getting a little deflated.
So she donated a small amount to the donation page to lift my spirits.
She wanted to do it secretly but didn't know that it wasnt anonymous.

The little things spur us on.

mangodb's rant reminded me of smth.. Folks from my country might remember this story.

So we have a national e-health system. Millions have been invested, half of the money have never reached the project [disappeared smwhr in between] and its quality is not shiny. It works, sometimes even fast enough. But boy does it have bugs... Let's not get into that. It's politics.

So some time ago one IT guy spotted a bug that allowed him to get sensitive info of other patients. He informed e-health folks and waited for a fix. He waited for a few weeks but the fix had never been released. So he published his findings in soc media [yepp.. Stupid move]. That caused a national scandal. Not to mention he had been pressed with charges.

That guy and our health minister were invited in one of the tv debates. The guy was asked to explained how he found all this sensitive data. And he explained that he hit f12 in his browser, opened a network tab, issued a network request by clicking smth in the webpage analysed received data in the dev tools.

The minister looked somewhat happy, maybe a lil proud of himself - a person who has a "gotcha!" moment has that very glow he had. And he said: "what you did there was obvious hacking. I reckon you should know that true developers do not do those things you have just explained to us" [he was talking about dev tools].

I died inside a little bit.