I received a ticket today that said

"The customer can access the app fine if they're at their home, but when they occasionally go to the desert they can't access the app"

You can't make this stuff up.

Someone please kill me.

If you don’t like debugging, you are not going to make it. It’s going to feel very difficult to move ahead.

You really really have to love finding that sneaky little bug digging for hours at end.

Other than that, it’s all practice and common sense for me.

I just need a fucking VGA cable for a server 😡

Sharing the solution might save a life, career and days of debugging .

Found this somewhere and started crying

My wife wouldn't stop asking me to help her with FB. As a joke I told her if she didn't quit, I'd delete it (Tech stuff goes over her head like a 747). Well, she kept on so I opened up the Dev tools. I started by adding just some non sense to one of the divs. She saw it pop up on screen and was like "Wait...you can really do that?" then I highlighted the body tag and hit backspace. The whole thing disappeared, it was great. She legit freaked out for a minute and begged me to fix it. I popped up the console and started typing random things. Created an array with some mumbo-jumbo, a couple of quick, meaningless functions and snuck hitting Ctrl+R in there, refreshing the page. She was so happy that Facebook worked again, that she stopped asking me how to do whatever it was

Sometimes I write 'git ass' instead of 'git add' by accident, and it makes me chuckle.

Client: "Do you think we could finish specs in week 33, see a demo in week 35, and aim for the product to be finished in week 39?"

I jump on the conference room table, rip the shirt off my sweaty chest, and yell:

"WEEKS OF WHAT? 31 WEEKS SINCE YOU BECAME A CLIENT, 35 WEEKS FROM NOW, 39 WEEKS INTO THE PREGNANCY? BLOODY FUCKING HELL MAN, DO YOU HAVE TO TALK LIKE A RETARD?"

Client, unfazed: "Weeks since the start of the year, sir"

Me, swinging my pants above my head like a lasso:

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SNOWFLAKE ARE YOU, YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COUNT THE WEEKS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR? WHAT ABOUT JUST USING DAY OF THE MONTH YOU OBNOXIOUS DIMWIT?"

Client: "We always use weeks at our company to plan things"

Me, winding the legs of my pants around the neck of the client:

"I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WEEKNUMBERS, JAKE. I. FUCKING. HATE. IT."

Client, still pretending everything is fine: "If you want I could send you a screenshot of my outlook calendar?"

Me, sitting in underpants on the client's back, sweaty legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull out his gel-infested manager-hair while strangling him with my pants:

"TIME OF DEATH, UNIX TIMESTAMP 1595240810, ISO 8601 DATE 2020-07-20T10:26:50+00:00. ANOTHER PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY WRAPPED UP"

(parts of this story may have been dramatized to reflect my underlying emotions)

Like one of those jobs that demand 12 years of experience with Kubernetes (which was released 6 years ago)

Today a tester returned my task because “placeholder should say Bruse Wayne not John Doe”.

Yes, Bruse, not Bruce.

Too bad I’m leaving John Doe there and close it anyways

Fuck the JavaScript ecosystem; Fuck React, Redux, and a big special fuck you to React-Router. And fuck interviews that give week long assignments.

The whole fucking JavaScript community makes the simplest things so complicated just so that they can tell Backend and Mobile Devs “Hey our job is difficult too”; fuck you, it isn’t! You made it difficult. and so that they can write corny emoji-laden medium articles about it to supplement their meagre income. What’s more the articles are outdated in less than a week.

Fuck JavaScript; APIs changes everyday a week and it’s documentation is updated every decade.

It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.

Don't send me a confirmation email that I successfully unsubscribed from your list you shit nugget.

My manager needs accurate estimate

Perfect timing... I have a call in 7 minutes...

funny how creating something merely useless like a text2asciiart converter can spark this amount of joy

Webpage: It looks like you are using ad-blocker
Me: It looks like you are getting closed biatch.

Never thought one could explain this simple 🙆🙆🙆

Programmer move

JavaScript is very similar to duct tape, if it doesn't work, you haven't used enough.

Programming is possibly the most relaxing job.

5% time programming
30% time searching the web
50% time thinking
15% time pretending to be thinking

I have a good one.. But I'll write it later..

I had to repost this from reddit

Brought the funny

Division of my 8 hour work day:

30% Answering Emails
20% Attending Meetings
40% Troubleshooting Bugs
30% Support Calls
10% Project Management
90% Software Development

i run a tech support and malware discussion discord, ffs i can't just give you hacking services

Never understood why other Devs are annoyed most of the time, until i started working with a project manager and having meetings 4 times a week. I can feel my soul leaving my body everyday

Fuck deadlines... Here is a mandatory training that is more important even tho it is irrelevant to your role

My girlfriend is amazing:

After a long uphill battle trying to finish a huge open source project I started months ago. She noticed I was getting a little deflated.
So she donated a small amount to the donation page to lift my spirits.
She wanted to do it secretly but didn't know that it wasnt anonymous.

The little things spur us on.

FRONTend
BACKend
WEEKend
Everything has END
But Client has no END. 😭😂😭😂