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1. I agree to work with you on your startup idea because i believe in you.
2. I am the solo developer doing both the mobile apps, website, database and server side.
3.You call me shouting and complaining that i am too slow.
4. sudo rm -rf ~/your_project5 -
passionately making love on Friday morning.
Cellphone buzzes for WhatsApp notification, ignored.
Call ignored, SMS ignored, again call, ignored.
She : whose that bitch calling you?
Me : it's no one important.
She : Checks WhatsApp, message from CTO, server crashed.
Me : Umm, darling, I need to fix this.
It's been 2 days she hasn't answered my call after she left.15 -
My worst fear while being the on-call/standby server engineer is that I have to call another engineer awake at night because I can't figure something out 😅12
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Phone call...
Caller: we contact you to arrange an interview for Java developer position, what time is good with you?
Me: Sorry Sir, I am javascript developer not Java developer!
Caller: You mentioned in your CV that you are using Java and Ayax for building applications!
Me: Trust me Sir, I don't have any relationship with your Ayax...
Caller: No problem, we can discuss this small technical difference in the interview. When you are available for it?
Me: No Sir, I am not available.7 -
First on the phone this afternoon and also a crapload of tickets.
*alright let's do some tickets*
*tringgggggg*
*fair enough, phone comes first*
*half an hour later call finishes*
*alright, tickets!*
*tringggg*
*alright phone first again*
*handles call, hangs up*
*Aaand tickets!*
*Tringgggggggg*
*oh come on I need to do tickets :/*
*handles call again and closes convo*
*Aaaand now: ticke... *TRINGGGG*
*oh come on!!*
*handles call once again*
*please don't interrupt me now, I need to do those ti.... *TRINGGGG MOTHERFUCKER*
*fucking hell!*
*handles call and tries to stay calm*
*now tickets!*
*types reply, presses repl... *TRINGGGG 😈*
*OH FOR FUCKS SAKE*
*handles call once a-FUCKING-gain*
*if the phone rings now...*
*goes to the reply button again and: clic.... *TRINGGGGGG - GO FUCK YOURSELF!*
FUUUUUUUCKING FUCKING FUCK.
FUCK. TODAY WAS ANNOYING AS HELL.9 -
What happens when you change the service call center to 100% AI
AI: Hello, this is the After Service center. How may I help you?
Angry customer: Hey! Do you count this as a product? Do you sell this to use it? F*** shit?! Bring the manager now!
AI: Thank you for your response. We will connect you to the Development team.
Angry customer: Uhhhhhh
AI: Hello, this is the development team. Please state your problems.
A bit relaxed customer: Umm, so this product you guys are selling stops working sometimes, so...
AI: We are sorry, but for the product misfunctions, please contact the After Service. We will connect you to After Service.
F***ed out customer: Wait, I just came from the After Service!
AI: Hello, this is the After Service center. How may I help you?
Angry customer who is ready to throw the phone: I said that the product is not working, and I asked to bring the freaking manager in the line!
AI: Thank you for your response. We will connect you to the Development team.
Customer throwing the phone and shouting: F*********************************************************************************************!7 -
I have a telephone headset with a "confusing" mute button. Sometimes it works normally, but quite often it will "double-toggle" (toggle twice as though I pressed it twice, which essentially has no effect) - so I'm either left muted or left un-muted, the same as before I pressed the button at all - so I have to press it again, sometimes several times, for it to actuary work.
While I'm at my desk, I have a visual indicator of mute status (a light that turns green for un-muted or red for muted), so I can easily tell if my mic is hot or not. My old headset had a nice audible beep reminder if I was muted, but the new headset? Nope, not-so-much.
I work from home, while my wife works at an office; so each morning she leaves, but I stay in the home office. I almost always see her off one way or another, usually doing or saying something funny as she heads out.
So, one day, I'm on a large conference call with a number of cross-team managers, and my wife is about to head out the door. With the meeting droning on in my headset, I was in the kitchen with her for a while helping finish clean up after breakfast and getting her ready to go.
She needed to pack an ice-pack for some reason, and for the random humor of it, I start screaming something to the effect of "GIMMIE YO ICE PACKS - GIMMIE ALLLL YO ICE PACKS - YEAH! YEAH! IMMA PUT MY BAAAAAAAAALLLLLS ON IT - WHOOOOOOOOO!"
During which time I am jumping around like a crazy person, including actually grabbing one of the ice packs, putting it down the front of my pants and screaming. Loudly.
It was after my own screaming I overheard more than one person yelling on the bridge line "YOU'RE NOT MUTED! YOU'RE NOT MUTED!"
I have seldom felt such raw, unadulterated panic.
I rushed back to my home office - yes, the green light is on my desk - my mic is hot. When I pressed mute at some point earlier in the call, it double-toggled, leaving me un-muted, and I never knew.
Even more embarrassing was the chat session I saw on my computer screen. It was from my manager (one of the managers on the call) - he had pinged me several times while I was in the kitchen.
It read something like:
hey, you there?
is that your phone
I think your phone isn't muted
mute
dude, mute
is that you?
MUTE!
did you just say balls?10 -
Caller: My client looking for experienced developer in Technology X,Y and Z are you open for new position?
Me: But I don't know this X and Y, I only use Z!
Caller: Please add them to your CV and send it to me so I can pass it to the client...
Me: But I don't know it!
Caller: Neither me nor the client know it also, please update the CV...
Me: How many years of experience should I add then?
Caller: 3 years will be OK!
Me: §¢“°©™|-=]%5 -
Searching for "Node.js Jobs"
Result:
- PHP
- PHP
- BPO
- PHP
- Call Centre
- PHP
- PHP
- Node.js with PHP (wtf?)
- .NET
- Call Centre
- PHP15 -
On call part 3: I'M BACK ON THE CAL FROM YESTERDAY FOR THE LAST 6.5 HOURS AND THEY'RE JUST DOING WHAT I TOLD THEM TO DO YESTERDAY. Is it because I'm female? Does having boobs mean I don't know how ssl works and that I can't possibly know about networks? I'm seriously about to just hang up and tell them to deal with it on their own.
Cup is there because it expresses my mood.
12 -
TL;DR: disaster averted!
Story time!
About a year ago, the company I work for merged with another that offered complementary services. As is always the case, both companies had different ways of doing things, and that was true for the keeping of the financial records and history.
As the other company had a much larger financial database, after the merger we moved all the data of both companies on their software.
The said software is closed source, and was deployed on premises on a small server.
Even tho it has a lot of restrictions and missing features, it gets the job done and was stable enough for years.
But here comes the fun part: last week there was a power outage. We had no failsafe, no UPS, no recent backups and of course both the OS and the working database from the server broke.
Everyone was in panic mode, as our whole company needs the software for day to day activity!
Now, don't ask me how, but today we managed to recover all the data, got a new server with 2 RAID HDDs for the working copy of the DB, another pair for backups, and another machine with another dual HDD setup for secondary backups!
We still need a new UPS and another off site backup storage, but for now...disaster averted!
Time for a beer! Or 20...
That is all :)4 -
A recruiter on call, going through my GitHub project with MIT License: "but it is taken from MIT, is it?"12
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Boss: Can I pick your brains about something for 5 mins?
Me: Sure
-Call started-
(2hr 49min later...)
Boss: So you're still on track to finish that project by lunch today?
...
-Call ends-3 -
Me : "Hey the proxies aren't working anymore"
Them : "The what ?"
Me : "The what-you-call 'webs references'"
Them : Ooooh right
Yeah let's just call a cat a dog1 -
I used to work in a call center for a local hospital.
One night, all of our lines are swamped. Literally no time for a break between phone calls, +15 minute wait times. I answer the next call:
Me: "Its a marvelous Monday at AskIT, how may I help you?"
Doctor: "This is Dr. [Noone Care]. I need you to fix my password now."
Me: "Absolutely! You should be able to enter a new password now."
Doctor: "MY HANDS ARE NOT FOR PASSWORDS, MY HANDS ARE FOR SURGERY!"
😩 So glad I don't work for doctors anymore. Oh and the best part is, he had selected the general phone queue, rather than the doctor queue (~3 minute wait time instead).7 -
"Can't have a fucking std (method) call, give me a break"
Said that loudly on a phone call. Wondering why people were give me dirty looks on the train1 -
On call: part 2... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ASK US TO STOP RESTORING *YOUR* SERVICES SO *YOUR* CUSTOMER HAS ACCESS TO *YOUR* STUFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SLEEP. If you call me because shits down, I'm going to fucking fix it. Idgaff if you're tired because it's been an 8 hour day, I've been working for 15 hours and I am contractually obligated to get this shit up asap and you needing your fucking beauty sleep is not a damn good reason to fuck up my contact...
(They got my boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss on the line who told them that but nicer -its why she gets paid more- and they still insisted. But at least they owe US more money to cover some *legal contractual mumbled jargon* it makes it better, and it's documented so they can't turn it around on us)
Will someone please send coffee? I have 2 more days of this.7 -
I just had my first "Microsoft you have a virus on your computer" scam call today and I managed to waste 29 minutes of their time, collect 4 numbers to report and call the guy and asshole in the end.7
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So just about to head to the pub and I got the dreaded call from my boss.
The support team had developed some fixes. They "tested" and deployed without letting us know... And you guessed it there was failures all over the shop!
So it turned out their testing was running on a local base install with no integration compared to the live system with 15 years of customisation and complex integration. My they thought this was acceptable I don't know...
And the best part was the developers who made the changes didn't understand their own code (I found the tutorial they copied online) they just blindly copied it without understanding how it worked!
So 4 hours later we found the bug, nothing like having a query and s SQL connection but not executing the query....
There goes my Saturday evening. Now we're was my beer!7 -
Got a call for work around 0100. Missed it. Got a call at 0530, got that one. Now handling the other call at 0700. I have a requirement to be on within 15 minutes. It's been 6 hours.21
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Me: The phone rings but when I pick up there's nothing there.
Indian call center: Okay sir can you tell me if the landline is plugged into the modem
Me: It's ringing. Yes, it's plugged in.
Indian call center: Okay we'll reset the modem.
Me: I already did that. Twice. Just to be able to speak to you because the robot made me.
Indian call center: Okay so we'll reset your modem again.
*resets*
Indian call center: Do you get a dial tone now?
Me: Yes. I have this entire time. No one can call me.
Indian call center: Sir that is not possible.
Me: Call it and see for yourself.
Indian call center: *calls, phone hangs up for them the second I answer*
Why did you hang up on me, sir?
Me: *internal screaming*3 -
Long rant!!!
Let me give you a little back story first
So I was building a mobile app for a client who is to say the least a big PAIN IN THE ASS!
And once I completed the final edits he requests and sent him the app for approval, he calls me and starts asking about some features in the app if it has does or not (which the app does). The main reason for this rant is the feature about the app being able to open the links of the website inside the app without going to the browser first.
But what was happening when the client clicked on the link, since it’s a newspaper type of app, he got asked in which browser he wanted to open the link and after the browser was opened it returned him to the app and asked if he wants that link be opened in the app or browser again. So I can understand his confusion and anger with this problem so I started to debug to see what is happening since I now this featured worked before and had it on video to show it does. After a few minutes I noticed that the links were being added as google.com/url?q={CLIENT_URL}/something_else instead of just www.client_url.com/article
Obviously not my fault as I don’t do content for the website but some other person. But once I called him back and explained the situation to him, he started yelling at me for not being able to create the feature and not notifying him of the mistake his author was making. After about 10mins of him yelling I snapped and just angrily told him “I don’t hear any problems with the app, as far as I’m concerned it can be published as is, as there is not problem on my side”. Then he got even more angry and started talking more shit about how this is all my fault and how I’m a bad programmer and how his users are gonna just delete the app once they see this and I should find a way to fix those links.
And to clarify some more, if there was like 5-10 articles I would do it, just so that I don’t have to listen to him, but there are more than 1 or 2k articles with about 2-5 links per article that were added like that.
After his call I called my boss and told him what happened, and he said he will talk to the client and explain to him how he will be able to communicate with me from now on and in what tone. As I’m not allowed to tell clients anymore to go fuck themselves, since I did it once. But I can call my boss and he does it for me :D
//END RANT !!!4 -
This morning my girlfriend told me about the network at her school constantly disconnecting, to which I jokingly replied "So, it doesn't deserve candy". She came back with "But it's already asking for so many cookies"...
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Didn't finish morning run in time for morning scrum call. Looks like I'm answering the call from here.
8 -
...ive been on call for 27 minutes. Have had 2 calls already. One "resolved itself as [their] coworker restarted the server on [their] end" and the other didn't realize the page they were trying to load was decommed 2 years ago. They submitted the request.
I'm sick, annoyed already, and don't want to deal with this, but will because it's my job. Kind of. I have to respond to the call, even if it's fucking dumb.14 -
My call team lost power. If our major clients try to call and can't, we're fucked. My boss isn't helping and I can't do shit about it without him, he just keeps saying they need to get power. The people they need for that aren't answering. How fucking difficult is it to stop jerking off long enough to help them out so we don't get fucked out of egregious amounts of money.12
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I love my girlfriend, but sometimes she doesn't get dev-work.
Last night, we had a fight over me sticking post-its to the wall in our home office. I find them helpful for keeping an overview of what I'm working on. She finds them ugly and decided to tear them all down without conferring with me. I got pissed. I almost always give in to her quirks and wants in every other aspect of how we live, so I feel like my desk space should at least be under my control. In my anger, I ordered her out of the room. She then proceeded to be sulking/angry with me up till and including this morning "because I overreacted".
Was I wrong? What should I have done differently?22 -
Near the end of a massive (1,000 user bridgeline) conference call today:
[ P = presenter, RCn = random caller n ]
P: ...so, does anyone have any other questions they'd like to---
RC1: Hey! Yeah, I'm still on this STUPID call right now... I dunno, we've been in here for like 30 minutes already - The guy came by the house to talk about it, but I couldn't get off this STUPID call - I think they said it would be around 800 dollars...
[ P, RC1, RC2, RC3, RC4 all overlapping ]
P: Um, we can hear you-
RC2: Dude, mute your phone!
RC3: As the presenter, you can mute that guy from the web UI-
P: Yeah, I can't find him in the attendee list; it's so long-
RC3: -Right-click on his name and select "mute line"-
P: I know how, but I can't find him on the list.
RC3: Find him on the attendance list on the right side-
P: [ louder and louder ] Yes, I know - but I can't find him in the list-
RC4: Should someone call an operator?
RC1: -so I figured we'll probably need to call Jerry and see what he says. I'll call him if I can ever get off this ridiculous, STUPID call - They are all talking at once on there now and no one can understand anything!
[ This went on for about 5 solid minutes, finally ending with... ]
RC1: I'm just going to drop this STUPID call and call Jerry for us. This thing was a total waste of time. [ boop-beep ]
[ long pause ]
P: OK, so now that is over, does anyone have any questions they'd like to discuss?
[ At least 10 people un-mute and overlap questions ]
#ConferenceCallProblems
Above everything else, the funniest part to me was his repeated, over-the-top insistence on how "STUPID" the call was.
#TellUsHowYouReallyFeel1 -
Broken app is broken again. This app is broken so often and so hard, I'm struggling to give a damn.
These fuckers need to take their shitty project, code and managers especially, and launch them into Mars
They blame us and everyone else for their shit and I'm done with it. I need to sleep and not have these fools call me at all fucking hours.6 -
Not on call. 2 hours of sleep, get a call. Ask if primary on call got called... all my coworkers are fixing shit. Why is everything down? I'm tired and need my sleep.2
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On call just started at 2100 last night. Phone rang at 0230. Going to be a long rotation.
Similar call from a few weeks ago that took 13 hours to resolve. Oh boy.16 -
Joined a call during a potentially important life event. Work laptop password expired this morning, personal laptop didn't connect to vpn, desktop not connecting to vpn. No one knew what's wrong on the call (just that it's not working).
Not a good call.1 -
Oh, my promotion happens whenever I'm on a call with a sales guy, who announces they have a (insert grandiose job title here) on the call in case the client has any technical questions.
Unfortunately it comes with no pay rise, and I'm immediately demoted again when the call ends ;)1 -
... no longer on call. Am on hour 12 of a call that has a few more hours to go and have handled 3 others today. Coworker is on hour 36 of a cal with possibly 24 more to go. And 3rd is finally eating as he missed meals all day for more calls than i can count. Who the fuck decided they hate us and want us to die these deaths????5
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"Don't call it Application, call it Website. If you Code produces an executable that the user can run then call it Application". Fcking WEBDESIGNERS11
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I just realized this is the "week" where I am on call for a week and a half. Over a 3 day weekend. Hoping my friends are free and can save me from my insanity...7
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Some1: Can I call you?
Me: Any issue?
Some1: Yeah, need some clarifications.
Me: On, What?
C'mon, why on earth ppl can't provide some context before jumping into a call2 -
It’s now day 4 into handing in my notice. Here's a recap of day 1&2. Here's the recap of day 0: https://www.devrant.io/rants/871145
I handed in my notice on Wednesday with a leaving date of 10/27/17:
> format_date('27/10/17', 'short', 'muurcan');
Thursday, I had an appointment outside of the office... I was called by a marketing guy at [popular graph database company] to try and wiggle his way into my org. I forget his name, so we'll call him Derek:
Derek: 'Hi James, it’s marketer at [graph co] here; I know you downloaded our free book two months ago and we reserved the right to call you constantly since. I just wanted to...'
Me: 'Hol up Derek! I don’t want to waste your time, thank you guys for the book.
I’d have happily paid to avoid these phone calls.
I’ve resigned from [company] before getting a chance to introduce [most popular graph database platform on google, for real, go check now].
Again thanks, but I’m no longer a useful lead.'
Life lesson learned: free doesn’t mean free, free books aren’t worth shit. Marketing people are lovely... but have an job to do so they’re also basically all cunts.
If you want to learn graph DB best practices from oreilly, pay the £7 and be done with it.
Don’t download that book! Derek will take your number and use it like you’re a young naive college girl with a golden pička.
Aside: I’ve met a new girl! I’ve rapidly learned Slovenian swear words. She’s a beautiful Slovenian girl and has the mouth of a sailor. Peace out to any of my eastern euro buddies on here. Privyet, serbus, stay frigging awesome.
I'll be following up on the tag 'jct resigns' for anyone interested.4 -
WanBLowS Vusta is more stable than this piece of shit that you call code. Yet you call yourself a programmer? Goddammit, even the shit that I dump in the toilet looks better. Because at least that thing is honest about being shit, unlike this craptacular mess that you call an application. Maybe consider kill -9 $(pidof life).3
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So, I was on-call last night and I got paged four times in the six hour period that I slept. I had to get up and handle the alerts and make sure all the systems are up and running each time. I have a meeting in 20 minutes and I just want to sleep.2
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MMMH DEVELOPER PRODUCTIVITY IS NOT THAT GREAT... YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL MAKE SURE THEY SPEND 90% OF THEIR TIME IN FUCKING CONFERENCE CALLS, THAT IS SURELY GOING TO HELP THEM GET THEIR JOB DONE
Some manager at my company, probably.2 -
Spent a lot of time designing a proper HTTP (dare I even say RESTful) API for our - what is until now a closed system, using a little-known/badly-supported message-over-websocket protocol to do RPC-style communications - supposedly enterprise-grade product.
I make the API spec go through several rounds of review with the rest of the dev team and customers/partners alike. After a few iterations, everybody agrees that the spec will meet the necessary requirements.
I start implementing according to spec. Because this is the first time we're actually building proper HTTP handling into the product, but we of course have to make it work at least somewhat with the RPC-style codebase, it's mostly foundational work. But still, I manage to get some initial endpoints fully implemented and working as per the spec we agreed. The first PR is created, reviews are positive, the direction is clear and what's there already works.
At this point in time, I leave on my honeymoon for two weeks. Naturally, I assume that the remaining endpoints will be completed following the outlines/example of the endpoints which I built. When I come back, the team mentions that the implementation is completed and I believe all is well.
The feature is deployed selectively to some alpha customers to start validation testing before the big rollout. It's been like that for a good month, until a few days ago when I get a question related to a PoC integration which they can't seem to get to work.
I start investigating and notice that the API hasn't been implemented according to the previously agreed upon spec at all. Not only did the team manage to implement the missing functionality in strange and some even broken ways, they also managed to refactor my previously working endpoints into being non-compliant.
Now, I'm a flexible guy. It's not because something isn't done exactly as I've imagined it that it's automatically bad. However, I know from experience that designing a good/clear/future-proof API is a tricky exercise. I've put a lot of time and effort into deliberate design decisions that made up the spec that we all reviewed repeatedly and agreed upon. The current implementation might also be fine, but I now have to go over each endpoint again and reason about whether the implementation still fulfills the requirements (both soft and hard) that we set out to meet.
I'm met with resistance, pushback and disbelief from product management and dev co-workers alike when I raise the concern that the API might actually not be production-ready (while I'm frantically rewriting my integration tests and figuring out how the actual implementation works in comparison to what was spec'ed).
Oh, and did I mention that product management wants to release this by end-of-week?!7 -
This sucks. I'm on a call in < 1 minute, but my technical team guy c n take 25 minutes to call in to tell us that he'll be ready to help in another hour.
How is this fair to my customers?7 -
On call at 2100. Call at 2101. Co-worker off at 2100, call at 2059. Neither were problems with our infrastructure. They were with the callers' teams fucking up.2
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On call part 4: you know when you're too angry to express your anger appropriately (ensure the level of rage is fully understood and appreciated)? Yeah. 12 hour phone call later, I'm there
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Finished my on call rotation. Coworker is still on a call for 10 hours. She's not on call. I might be getting on this call. For the sake of the idiots who didn't listen and broke it worse, I really hope I don't have to take over for her. I might get fired tonight...5
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I never ever give out my cell # to ppl at work. If they need to speak with me, I provide them my work # only.
Two weeks ago, went to a customer site. For ONE minute, I had an email on the screen that had my personal cell #.
Last Tuesday - out walking dog: call from customer to personal cell.
Last Thursday - getting ready for work, brushing teeth: call from customer to personal cell.
Last Friday - grabbing lunch: call from customer to personal cell.
Yesterday - in a meeting: call from customer to personal cell.
I'm gonna cry 😢3 -
If you code with PHP, don't call yourself a developer. Call yourself GOD-KIN; ENGINEER FOR THE MACHINES OF CREATION; (S)HE WHO KEEPETH THE WORLD TURNING.
@alybadawy ;))))9 -
I played a terrible game tonight... I'm secondary on call when we've been getting 2+ calls regularly. I went out with friends and just hoped I didn't get a call.3
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Didn't have any topic for todays call with the client, so I sketched some ideas on the whiteboard.
3 -
I forgot to put myself out of office today on our call schedule... Thought I'd get away with it because I shouldn't get calls anyways. Got a call. Not handling it, passed it on, but it woke me up... :(2
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Yea it’s totally cool. Dropping a conference call on me 30 minutes before it happens. And then you (and everyone else in the call) should be late too. And then do this stuff all the damn time and ask me why I have to push the deadline back. But get super pissy when I give you a realistic deadline that factors these bullshit experiences in!
Then after I wait 10 minutes on the line, tell me it’s been moved to the bottom of the hour which doesn’t really leave me enough time to do anything but play on DevRant. Fucking insanity.1 -
Mom: Give me one single reason why won't you do MBA?
Me: People there won't get my jokes on computers, and it will be all like high school again 😭😭😭 -
Getting called just to ask if i have made the pull request. You could've just text me for fuck sake.1
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I just had a boys-out night with my son. Went to some restaurant, found a parking spot in a confusing parking lot (half is more expensive than the other half of the lot, not sure which fee applies to the middle row... confusing), started paying for parking with the app (pays every 15 minutes until stopped).
Went inside, ordered a pizza, some ice cream. Chatting, playing, eating, having fun,... An SMS comes: "You have outstanding fines" and a link to the gov taxes' website.
wtf.. I must have parked in the wrong spot. FUCK! Oh well, it should not be a large fine anyways, it's just for parking....
Click on the link, login with my bank/SmartID creds. Another SmartID dialog pops up asking for a PIN2.
What? PIN1 is for authentication, PIN2 is for Authorization. What am I authorizing...?
Reading through the Auth message: "Paying 2473€ for Boris SomeLastname".
what.....?
Thank God my muscle memory did not kick in and I did not enter that PIN2.
And thank God I know what PIN1 and PIN2 are for.
It would've been one expensive boys-out evening... Even a strip club would've been cheaper.
Stay sharp, guys!
P.S. Later I checked the URL. It used all the right keywords, and it was registered as an .info domain. It was somewhat off, but gov websites trying to be lean do sometimes use some weird ass domains.15 -
Me, perfectly relaxed after 2 hours of conference call (the voices are telling me to feed my colleagues to the ravens and they're winning)
1 -
*1 hour passes*
Me: adds new code
*1 day passes*
Me: Why did it work?
*some random weekend*
On call developer: Who fucking wrote this code!4 -
java is like that girl I have mixed feelings for.
on one instance I want to take her out for a movie,
on another I want to murder her by repeated stabbing... okay, maybe that's just for java...😨
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What is the thought process which goes behind wearing a mask on a video call meeting?
[a] virtue signalling
[b] Idiocy
[c] <insert your answer>11 -
*Automated Helpline calls be like*
If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.5 -
Management proposed to work with external freelancers, to "pick up speed so we can release these new designs sooner". We agreed, but of course we (the home team) can't have time to review their work because we need to develop other new features and bugfixes and such...
Weeks later, turns out that their changes are largely incompatible with the work we have been doing on the main branch. We are now rebasing/rewriting huge chunks of their work, probably taking as much time as it would have cost us to develop the design ourselves in the first place.4 -
Me: Hey, I looked into the bug, *explain what it was, how I fixed it, when it will be pushed etc.*
Boss: *calls immediately* How are you doing with the bug?
Me: ... I sent you a message?7 -
When you sit at your desk peacefully doing nothing and a coworker calls you.
Almost fell off my chair... -
(one day before the phone interview)
Them: Please call to us at (TIME) to (PHONENUMBER)
Me: Ok
(interview day)
--[[CHORUS START]]--
Me: (calls to the number at (TIME))
Phone: Your call has been forwarded to automatic voice message system. (PHONENUMBER) is not availible. After tone please leave message. When you are finish the recording you may hang up or press 1 for more option, please leave message now.
Me: (deep breath, patiently waits 5 mins.)
--[[CHORUS END]]--
--[[CHORUS]]--
WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CALL YOU WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE PHONE / TALK WITH SOMEONE ELSE????
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, JUST DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
--> Could not reach them for 3 days, gave up -
Somebody please explain.
First I get some call about some investing bs, then I get an automated voice call also about something financial related
From fucking +000000
24 -
It's the day when I get to know the tension before a job confirmation call.
It's 7 am in morning . The call is at 10.00 clock.16 -
Sometimes I start writing a sentence that ends with parentheses (only to realize what I put in the parentheses is as important as the rest, then I could use a regular comma instead).
I call this "grammatical tail-call recursion".2 -
Write backend stuff -> it works -> improve and add features -> realize initial design problems -> recode from scratch and call it v2 or something.
I call it learning -
Going on vacation for a couple of days next week. So, apparently, the people scheduling the on-call rotation think it's a great idea to assign me on-call duty next week.
ME: ...you know I'm going on vacation, right?
THEM: Oh don't worry, nothing ever happens, and 95% of the time it's just this easy stuff that can be dealt with quickly.
ME (internally): ...I was taking this vacation time to get *away* from having to think about work. Now I'm going to have to keep this in the back of my mind the entire time I'm away, checking for alerts, and potentially interrupt my flow to deal with work, defeating the point of why I'm taking the down time.
Fuck this. If I'd known earlier I'd have tried to get the time rescheduled, but of course this happens on the weekend, the day before.4 -
Built website with Skype video call functionality, install Skype in server and do call. Don't ask user to install Skype. 😠
-
Today started off like a normal day and then i got a call from my aunt and she asked if i could set up her new iPhone 8 plus. and once i got there i did and it was no biggie. and then she pulls out four more boxes and has me set all of them up for family members.
WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK IM TECH SUPPORT. it’s just so fucking annoying.4 -
That sad moment when HR says we will call you back in next week and they don't call you.
(still waiting)24 -
Getting oversea calls all of a sudden. If you’re trying to scam me, at least speak the local language and check local time.
Talking to me in a language I don’t understand at stupid o’clock doesn’t help your case...5 -
PAID for a support call,
dude's answering could barely be understood while speaking English and didn't know a thing about the topic of the call itself (it was very very specific).
The call lasted 5m and was only used to schedule another one on Monday to let them understand what we're asking and come back at us with a solution.
Fucking waste of time.4 -
Question for you all:
You're expecting an important call from a potential employer sometime today (no specific time, just business hours)
When you get the call, you're on the toilet, absolutely ripping ass. Do you let it go to voicemail and call them back later? Answer the phone and take the whole call on the toilet? Take the call and discreetly try and finish your business? Take the call and explain that you need to call them back in about five minutes? Is there a right answer?10 -
Ever had a client that emails you and then calls you if you received the email? I think it's understandable since most of us don't send a return receipt or whatever that's called.
But have you had a client message you on WhatsApp or equivalent that shows that you have read the messages and yet calls you to confirm if you have received the messages? 🙋
It's getting annoying really fast8 -
Started a new job at a big firm (previously came from a startup). Both do "scrum". Still have my mind blown because at the new job, we have people join the standup of which NOBODY in the team knows what their role is on the product...
Does this happen often in big corporates?5 -
I am on my way home from an 8.5 hour non-stop call with one of our software suppliers...
How to you guys handle situations like that?
Consentrating became very difficult at the end to be honest.
And if it my teammates would not have been there (they gave me food, sth to drink and filled my coffee cup) I would have snapt after 4 hours...
The only thing I feel capable of doing for now is to listen to extremly loud music9 -
Dear client. Your web development project budget has no room in it for me to help you fix your broken POP3 mail settings. May the odds be ever in your favor.1
-
I embrace the removal of the audio jack on smartphones, and I like listening to music via my Bluetooth headset.
Yet why, for fuck's sake, is a double tap on the headset's play button mapped to Call Redial?
I have lost count how often I called someone by mistake. How is such on action a meaningful default? What were they thinking, were they thinking at all?
Everytime I turn on the goddamn headset, I take extra care to ensure that I don't doubletap yet it still often happens by mistake.
I rarely call people anyways on my smartphone anyways.17 -
Sometimes I think that my computer is possessed.
The story goes like this (typical): adding a new feature creates a bug with something that worked perfectly until now. I find and solve the bug in a few minutes. Now the spooky part: with that sort of bug, even the code that worked up to now shouldn't have worked. But it did. Does someone knows a good Ghostbusters service?1 -
I just called somebody beside me an idiot while the call microphone was on. Quick question: how do I dig a hole and bury myself?4
-
Needed texts to call-duty with the gist of the incident. Implemented, works.
PM wants to also ring the phone, cause text may not wake them up.
Me, telling him, that his tools don’t allow me to call him. However, I said, I could send the text as a fax msg, which would end up “ringing” mr call-duties phone, and then fax-Morse-beep the msg to him.
PM was ok w/ that.2 -
Why is it that people who can't do anything call the shots? Devs should call the shots and the fuckers should listen.3
-
Today I had a call that could've easily been two lines in an email.
The call was only 5 minutes to be fair.1 -
Q: How instantaneous are these jobs? *referring to a Jenkins job to upload database from local to an environment
A: Well that depends on your network speed. Here in the middle of nowhere, I have a donkey carries the package up the mountain, so that could take a while.2 -
Mini-rant
Dear HR people, if you don't provide enough info about the positions that you have at hand forget about me wasting time on call-first acknowledgements to later on realize what kind of waste of time it was!
Sure, making business connections is important but without taking into consideration the other side time is all but respectful, in a professional context.
So, balance your shit and make the call worth the time of all the parties.
Fucking thanks.1 -
A colleague said he wanted to call today.
Yeah, today, but not 10 fucking minutes before I planned to go home! -
When you are stuck in between a very interesting Spring 5.0 GA release webcast and a stupid mandatory daily scrum call!
-
Computerworld: Call me crazy, but Windows 11 could run on Linux.
https://computerworld.com/article/...13 -
2 things that piss me off as a professional developer doing contract work...
1. A fellow dev accepts a meeting invite, doesn’t show up and won’t pick up the phone.
2. A fellow dev taking a meeting in a noisy place with bad wifi.
This guy has now managed to pull #1 last week and #2 this week...
-
Life quote : Your Karma is directly proportional to the Number of bugs you get, when you are on call.
:D -
### Functions ###
range = $(if $(filter $1,$(lastword $3)),$3,$(call range,$1,$2,$3 $(words $3)))
make_range = $(foreach i,$(call range,$1),$(call range,$2))
equal = $(if $(filter-out $1,$2),,$1)
### Variables ###
limit := 101
numbers := $(wordlist 2,$(limit),$(call range,$(limit)))
threes := $(wordlist 2,$(limit),$(call make_range,$(limit),2))
fives := $(wordlist 2,$(limit),$(call make_range,$(limit),4))
fizzbuzz := $(foreach v,$(numbers),\
$(if $(and $(call equal,0,$(word $(v),$(threes))),$(call equal,0,$(word $(v),$(fives)))),FizzBuzz,\
$(if $(call equal,0,$(word $(v),$(threes))),Fizz,\
$(if $(call equal,0,$(word $(v),$(fives))),Buzz,$(v)))))
### Target ###
.PHONY: all
all: ; $(info $(fizzbuzz)) -
I've had enough of recruitment phone calls, from now on if they don't follow:
1) Look at the FAQ made solely for them.
2) Contact me exclusively through email or chat(Skype) indicated by me.
I'll not f*ucking care about them.
My memory is not made to record perfectly every single call from any job offering, I'm sick of getting lost in memories of calls that, in the end, sound really similar between each other. F*ck this system of "I need your number to keep in touch with you(or update you) about this offer".1 -
So get this, I try making an appointment at the bank twice, they don't call me either time so I call them and they say they'll call me back sooo they never call me back. So today I go to the bank office because fuck it right ill just come in then and guess what I'm told? Oh euh you need an appointment to open a business account LIKE FUCK YOU YOU TWAT I TRIED MAKING AN APPOINTMENT FUCKING TWICE2
-
#storytime
Soon I'll start moving to a new place on the 16th and I wanted to change my address at the Internet provider (T).
go to provider website (T) reading that I need to call them...
CALL (T): .... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 30 minutes later:
Operator: Hi moving, yes.. When? we send you an email with details to send Mechanic.
Next day: waking up. clicking mail on my phone in bed half sleepy. select 15th. next. next. next. accept. done.
Me happy :) .... One hour later realizing I said 15th.. and it should be 25... FUCK!!! Me Mad! Knowing what's going to happen...
Click link in mail to change date. You need to call (E).
CALL (E) : ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 1 hour later.... Give up..
CALL (E)(2): ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 1.2 hour later.... Give up..
Next day CALL (E)(3): ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 45 minutes later....
Operator: Hi, yes we can move to date 21. you need to call (R) to change fiber mechanic I'll patch you trough
CALL (T) : ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 30 minutes later....
Operator: You need to call (K) Here is the number 123456789..
CALL (K): ... Automatic answering machine.. ... longer than normal, covid19, 20 minutes later
Operator: This department (R) can not be reached by phone we will call you back.
Next day:
Incoming call from (K). Because you are moving to a new house you do not need (R). have a nice day.
Have a nice day to you too calm and friendly.
hopefully I won't be without internet for a couple of days...1 -
Today on fucked up Javascript stuff: Call stacks whose bottom isn't an entry point or event handler
2 -
Got a call by a recruiter for a function i already applied at and already got rejected as well.
That was a very fast call! -
It doesn't mind WHEN you'll complete a job.
What's really matter is WHEN your client will call for a new feature.1 -
I have a lot of meetings and that makes it difficult to answer my workphone. One guy has been calling me every single time I have a meeting and he never answers when I try to call back.
He can contact me through email, ticketing system or Teams, but nope, he keeps calling my phone.
I send him a message through Teams asking if he can tell what the issue is.
He tells me he will just call me via phone.. Why?! Even calling through Teams would be better! Just tell me what the issue is! -
Got a call about production was going to fail. They thought it's the application server.
I'm the end it was bogus file mods which were scrambled by the backup tool.
Why we didn't find out earlier? Because the java application was coded like this:
-------
String content;
Try {
File bla = new File
content = ... Read operation
} catch (IoException | SecurityEx | RuntimeEx ex)
// nothing we can do here
}
doWork(content);
---------
Why the fuck do we have code reviews? Why not just log or throw a Runtime Exception? Argh... I thought it would be better in enterprise applications. Perhaps I should tell them to not just use pmd, also spotbugs and sonarqube. But the department for the build tools does not have enough employees. Dang.
Anyway. Earned some money for that.
Now it's 2018 and I still get money for the same kind of bugs as 2008.3 -
!rant
"I spend one week every ten or so, on call. Then I spend the next nine weeks writing code to make my next on call shift better." - Tom Limoncelli
Relatable AF 😂1 -
Generally have great experience with our management.
I work at a scale-up, so I've had some run-ins with the founder shifting priorities too often in the early days, but he's got enough notion of tech to understand when we're telling about the why(not)s of what we can and can't do
A while back we got a product owner/manager/scrum master and he's great too. I've had times when he put pressure on making deadlines when it was really not helping, but overall great guy with a lot of empathy and respect for his team.
But recently I've been starting to feel like we (the dev team) are getting more and more excluded from the decision-making process of the features & designs that we're going to be working on. We used to have a say in what we felt like was a good idea for a feature or a design, but it feels to me like we don't get asked that question any more of late...
Not sure if I'm imagining it, or overreacting to a logical (possibly positive?) evolution in our development workflow... -
Why does on-call schedule always ramp up shortly before the final hour?
Due to christmas and vacations I had on-call schedule, five days off, on-call schedule and both times, riiiight before my schedule ended, the monitoring/alerting system EXPLODED!!11!1
Seriously, I get the need for on-call schedule, but how are you supposed to get regular day-to-day work done when you're always on the edge because you're just waiting for the next alert to pop-up.
I'm so glad when I finally move from this company, no on-call schedule and other stuffs (which are unrelated for now, maybe in another rant) anymore.
I really respect people who are doing on-call schedule and such but I am definitely not meant for it. -
!dev
So as usual I received some call from telemarketer and I started from other perspective this time.
I asked how I can be sure that the person on the other side is telling the truth.
That pissed the telemarketer that started challenging me by reading my company data but I calmly responded that it doesn’t proof anything cause I don’t know anything about you - the person who are calling me.
I know who I am but how I can trust who you are ? You just provided me your name that I don’t know it’s true cause I have no methods to verify that.
That pissed telemarketer so much.
Some time ago before you put money in bank you know the banker. If someone was stealing this money you probably know from your police who is it and where he’s probably hiding.
The future we’re trying to go right now with this machine stuff that makes job for us is completely different.
We’re more and more separated from reality that is our planet dying. More and more animals and plants are dying, nobody cares about it.
Despite me working a lot with new tech I am more and more sceptic of how technology is shaping us. We sooner or later wont be able to shit without computer ( lots of us is probably already there bringing cellphones as companions for good nice shit rolling ).
Is it the future we want ?
The future where you need to beat computer to have contact with nice people. Cause I see it everywhere now. The technology is stupid and not perfect so lots of us is forced to align to this crap right now. Use the technology and beat the algorithms to connect with human. That’s the future we want ? Really ?
Some idiotic algorithms that are trying to tell us that this is what you need to watch ? This is what you need to eat ?
This is where you need to be ?
Take our time and turn it to view count slash likes and subscribes shit hole ?
The technology power show that everyone wants to buy but you won’t even use 10% of it’s capabilities cause it’s blocked by company that sells it ?
I’m more and more disappointed by this world.
Anyway Telemarketer didn’t want to admit that is alien robot who is trying to kill humans by selling me this machine so I hanged up cause I had nothing more interesting to say.
I think they will finally stop calling me.2 -
```
section .text
global _start ;must be declared for linker (ld)
_start: ;tells linker entry point
mov edx,len ;message length
mov ecx,msg ;message to write
mov ebx,1 ;file descriptor (stdout)
mov eax,4 ;system call number (sys_write)
int 0x80 ;call kernel
mov eax,1 ;system call number (sys_exit)
int 0x80 ;call kernel
section .data
msg db 'Hello, world!', 0xa ;string to be printed
len equ $ - msg ;length of the string
```
I've never seen such a terrible way to print "hello world"8 -
Calling with recruiters... yes hello? Can we postpone this call until 13:30? Im about to lunch now. Ok great. Another recruiter: can we call at 14:00? Great. First recruiter: im delayed im calling around 13:45. Still no call at 13:50; yes maybe we should postpone till 14:30 because i have another call at 14:00 again. Aaaargh!!!!1
-
Today I tried to call a Python module I developed from PostGreSql. Well after a whole day spent on that, fuck you PSQL!
-
Call me when its done => Callback
Call me when it is done => Hooks
Call me when it is done => Events
Anything left ...4 -
How does on-call work for your company? Our product is mostly used in the US so any pages we get are mostly in the US time. Despite that, our team has US and EU folk and me (an EU folk) am expected to wake up middle of the night for any pages that occur. I consider this a really shit model not just for employees but for the business, but I wanted to know if this is common and I'm just not seeing the point of this.20
-
Can I just… drift away into sleep? and call it a day? call it a life? aight, you win, can you just let me go now?2
-
This is a call to rant:
Please rant about your most frustrating asoundrc experiences here because i am still too frustrated to write about mine.1 -
As a programmer in an non maintainer / support role, how much do you have to call customers on daily basis?6
-
Don't call yourself a 'dev.' Its oversimplified and doesn't really mean anything. Figure out what you actually do and call yourself whatever that is.1
-
I've got a call from a recruiter and they said they will call me to arrange an interview..
Hope they call me and everything goes well..
False hope in my situation is very dangerous1 -
Asked Siri to "call my wife" but did it in an accent that obviously made it sound like "call _me_ wife".1
-
Found another gem in the code-base I've been given to troubleshoot.
Let's call recv(), get the TLS encrypted message, and then call BIO_write() and SSL_read() instead of offloading it to OpenSSL.5 -
What do you all do when you receive a call from a number you don’t recognise and they are asking for you by name?
Just received one, caller information showed the origin of the call was about two hours away and they just kept asking “Is $(MY_NAME) speaking?”, “May I speak with $(MY_NAME)?”.2 -
In the middle of a deployment call and the dev wants to "add a feature" on the fly (what could go wrong right!?). Next thing I here on our phone call is the client saying "great idea let's add that feature now! I'll wait to test!" Wait... WHAT THE FUCK is the client doing on this deployment call?!1
-
In your opinion, it's ok for employer to call / message after work or anytime not within the working hour? (Like call you for some task in the middle of the night , etc ..)7
-
You know it's friday when you don't know how to name a file and you end up with: call-not-api.js... cause call-api is taken and it's not really an api
-
Here in Brazil we call flash drive's a "pendrive". Why? IDK. What do you call it in your country?19
-
Bloody softlayer sending notifications about expected downtime on "IMS services" (which could mean any of a great number of things), without specifying what it is, what it does or to what services or regions it is related...
Grmbl, what use is there to get a notification about unexpected maintenance if you can't even make out if you'll be affected or not! -
I think saying "This side <my_name>" to introduce myself during a call is very annoying to the person on the other side of the call.
Is this true for all?3 -
What do you call a programming language with a version of 3.14159?
π-thon
Coincidentally this is also what you call a snake that is 3.14159 feet long.1 -
I shake my head at companies who think sending me unsolicited emails/texts is going to encourage me to do business with them. :P3
-
More senior team member: If you would like to get in on call rotation. Do this
Me: Why the heck would I *want to* be on call?
Going on on call in two days lol6 -
I can't google jargon, what do you call it when you "flip" a function call, such that the call becomes an event in some dispatch system and return becomes a call on the event? I had to implement five such APIs this week with surface level differences and I'm starting to feel like it has to have a name if it's this popular.
For the pedantic, I mean async calls in JS in particular, I know you can't just invert a synchronous function call that uses a stack without peek.6 -
Anyone familiar with webrtc native android? I am having some problem with audio quality. Asked on stack no one replied :(
Here is the question -
https://stackoverflow.com/questions...1 -
Hi guys, i have been addicted in linux and play around it these few days.
There is an issue, for system call and library call, which one can process faster? For example, fread() and read()
I know the different between them, but in term of processed speed, i cant find the answer from google -
Working at a large insurance company part of a larger organization and and said organization wanted all of the plans to call into a conference call meeting....
Started off, the meeting organizers phone cut out halfway through to roll call...
We all call back in, and start the roll call again...from the beginning...
Half the meeting was just a roll call >< -
.net
Anything.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.listOfOptions.stillCanHaveMoreOptions.....
And then they call themselves developers!!
Developers.listOfOptions. -
Does doing QE for a while (say 3-4 months), and then going back to SDE, cause issues in getting interview calls?3
-
There's no way consumers like the fake typing noise when you're speaking to a robot on customer service. E.g. "Let me pull that up for you... CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK"
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