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Joined devRant on 3/18/2019
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Fullstack dev: Hey I need your help with one of this method in the service layer (We use Java).
Me: Sure. What’s up!
Fullstack dev: When you get a user ....blah blah blah...
Me (typing code):
if (user != null) { ... }
Fullstack dev: Wait! This won’t work. You need to write this:
if (null != user) { ... }
In Java, you write like this. In JS it’ll work, not in Java.
Me: (also fuck this guy)
He’s among the famous devs in the company - (A very very very famous European bank).
I checked his commits for the frontend (React Native)
switch (some_expr) {
case foo:
return stuff()
break // <— note this
case bar:
return moreStuff()
break // <— note this
// more cases here with break after return statements
}
Me: Hey if you’re returning from a case why are you using a break. It’s dead code.
Fullstack dev: It’ll fall through otherwise.
———————
You’re a fucking dunce! Please drink a litre of Carborane in a rusty HIV infested container! Cheers!
PS More to come!33 -
This was posted by the largest German railway company "Deutsche Bahn". Rough translation: "Today's quiz photo shows modern fiber optic networks as part of our control center components - who knows what their purpose is?"
That explains a lot. Someone should tell them.
7 -
Does anyone else really dislike "foo", "bar" and "baz"? Because fuck me I do. My brain can't process that stuff, I need some actual real world context.
or, maybe i'm just dumb.8 -
ALL JS TUTORIALS SHOULD EXPIRE AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 1 YEAR AND DISAPPEAR FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER!!!!!
jeez every tutorial i start i realize is no longer relevant code after the npm install step!!
}:-(9 -
This girl from financial department pissed me off so badly I took 15 minutes of my private time to slightly modify CSS and JS for her user in our intranet panel, made everything pink and blue, animate all the buttons to randomly barrel roll and made the mouse cursor explode colourful star particles with each click.
She *liked* it, said it was *sweet* and *apologized* for being an ass. Robbed me of all the satisfaction. :(6 -
My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.27
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"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"
I left the building at that exact moment.41 -
Some empty-headed helpdesk girl skipped into our office yesterday afternoon, despite the big scary warning signs glued to the door.
"Hey, when I log in on my phone, the menu is looking weird"
"Uh... look at my beard"
"What"
"Just look at this beard!"
"Uh.... OK"
"Does this look like a perfectly groomed beard"
"Uh... it's pretty nice I guess"
"You don't have to lie"
She looks puzzled: "OK... maybe it could use a little trimming. Uh... a lot of trimming". "I still like it though" she adds, trying hard to be polite.
"I understand you just started working here. But the beard... the beard should make it clear. See the office opposite to this one?"
"Yeah"
"Perfectly groomed ginger beards. It's all stylish shawls and smiles and spinach smoothies. Those people are known as frontend developers, they care about pixels and menus. Now look at my beard. It is dark and wild, it has some gray stress hairs, and if you take a deep breath it smells like dust and cognac mixed with the tears caused by failed deploys. Nothing personal, but I don't give a fuck what a menu looks like on your phone."
She looked around, and noticed the other 2 tired looking guys with unshaven hobo chins. To her credit, she pointed at the woman in the corner: "What about her, she doesn't seem to have a beard"
Yulia, 1.9m long muscled database admin from Ukraine, lets out a heavy sigh. "I do not know you well enough yet to show you where I grow my unkempt graying hairs... . Now get lost divchyna."
Helpdesk girl leaves the scene.
Joanna, machine learning dev, walks in: "I saw a confused blonde lost in the hallway, did you give her the beard speech?"
"Yeah" -- couldn't hold back a giggle -- "haha now she'll come to you"
Joanna: "No I already took care of it"
"How?"
"She started about some stupid menu, so I just told her to smell my cup". Joanna, functional alcoholic, is holding her 4pm Irish coffee. "I think this living up to our stereotype tactic is working, because the girl laughed and nodded like she understood, and ran off to the design department"
Me: "I do miss shaving though"68 -
"Hi, how are you?"
"Hi, how are you?"
The two separate individuals continue walking past each other in opposite directions. Zero information exchanged.
I hate small talk.12 -
7/4/2018
I can never read this date properly
Is this 7th april
Or is this 4th july????
Fuck your american date format41 -
🤔 If developers were linguists...
Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?
Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.6 -
Security tester: Injects XSS into a rich text editor and flags it for a vulnerability.
"Oh that's fine, let's just disable right click on our page so no one can inspect the page and inject anything."
...
My boss ladies and gentlemen.9 -
-- How I feel at work lately, in terms my wife understands --
Me: There's a gas leak, we need to fix it.
Manager: Yeah, use some duct tape, here's a roll.
Me: That's not how we fix a problem like this.
Manager: Will it work to solve the problem?
Me: Only temporarily
Manager: Ask your co-worker if you need help using duct tape, he's used it before. When will it be fixed?12 -
I saw a guy building a website today.
No React.
No Vue.
No Ember.
He just sat there.
Writing HTML.
Like a Psychopath.32 -
The days are long right now. The company portal, that I built, is being rebuilt now that we have decided it needs to be responsively designed.
I always knew there would come times in my career, if I leant towards the front end, that periods of time would be taken up with HTML/CSS.
I just didn’t appreciate how soul sucking it can be when you are adjusting margins for 8hrs a day for a few weeks. And how much that is compounded by people changing their minds on things that cascade throughout an increasingly complex system of media queries...how you can spend ages tweaking something only to find it breaks on an another screen size...
The love I found in coding...it is not here...7 -
My boss always tells me to document everything. The problem is that I don't know where, because she tells me something else every time I ask her.
The best part is that now there are like three word documents and two excel files for one project flying around four different storage-systems.
And I am the idiot who can't document if she is unable to find the files she's looking for. Even I don't know where my files went because she moves them around like she pleases!2 -
Working at a startup with a small (~4-6) person engineering team usually means those few people are the most in tune with the software. This then usually leads to an onslaught of people who should know better asking devs stupid questions about the software or relying on the devs to do their jobs for them.
Have you encountered these types of situations before? How were they resolved?2 -
Yes I know this is more of a stack overflow question but no one seems to have asked it and not going to waste time getting downvoted and having my account banned for not knowing something again .-.
Just wanting to know if anyone is able to recommend some libraries that would be useful for making mobile Linux apps with GTK?
Preferably ones that will interface with Vala as I'm wanting to build a mini ecosystem of apps for the pine phone to interface with Elementary OS?
