Oysters are just animal pistachios

We need to test the last step in our proof-of-concept chain before putting our project proposal... but just before testing what we believe will be (finally) a functioning scenario, the key service we need and have no influence over stopped working. I am pretty sure, it will start working like 5 minutes before I usually leave.. one has to love this waitNRush development.

Me: hm yes this will be easiest in python

Me, 10 minutes later: fuck python why am i using this piece of shit

So I was looking for some real-time dashboard app using vue, tried searching for it on google and found some article.

He lost me at setInterval.

What's the first computer you ever used?

This was the year I became obsessed with computers. I was eleven years-old. My elementary school was gifted a computer lab (1983) with the Commodores seen in the picture (VIC-20s, PETs, C64s).

My first dev project was back in the 80's. I might have been around 10, I think.

My friend and I had been tinkering around Shoot'em up construction kit for a while, plus we'd been quite inspired by all the cracktros, intros and whatnot was popular back then (piracy was huge, at least on the C64 platform - I don't think I ever saw an original game until my parents bought an Amstrad CPC).

Anyway, we were inspired. We didn't know how to code except some basic BASIC (ba-dum-tsj). We borrowed a book from the library on how to code an assembler for the C64 in BASIC, and coded for days. I eventually lost interest, but my buddy did actually complete it.

Planning.
- Sales people: we will deploy and install 100 customers by the end of the month.
Meaning: 100 it's impossibile, we want actually do 50, but we set a high target so people will sweat their ass off. But we don't tell them the truth.

- Tech people: no way, we will deploy and install no more than 25!
Meaning: we could do 100 but we would die. We will guarantee 25, but since we are good we will optimise the workflow and maybe we will make it to 50. But we don't want to create expectations.

Big misunderstanding arise if these two language are used in the same meeting.

At least if I'm in the meeting as technical people

Yeah.. it's a shame C# doesn't have a type to hold this (4) and then you have to resort to using var.. I am so disappointed, I've heard C# is crap, but this.. THIS!! It doesn't even have a type for normal integers!! FFS!!! I thought it was better than this!!
Oh, wait.. it's not C# who is 'weird'!! It's my super duper cool ex coworker who made a mess of the simple code again... I admit, this is not such a huge deal.. BUT... It doesn't end here.. o.O

Awesome! //not.. :/
Was checking what the F I was doing wrong, my files didn't show up in changes.. found out someone thought it was a good idea to put *.cs to ignore file.. :/
What are .cs files?! We don't need them anyways.. :/ o.O
Fuck!

!dev !rant but still funny story

As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.

I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me

He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.

While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂

Goddamn I'm retarded to the next level.

Rebooted my phone a few days ago, some stuff didn't work well anymore and I'm looking for a new one which supports custom roms but I shouldn't spend too much right now so I thought I'd let it go for now.

Rebooted again last night and the network time wouldn't set properly so set it manually. Today I suddenly noticed that any app/page loading through a secure connection wasn't loading at all.

This to the goddamn point that my phone was becoming useless.

Started to search for a quick, cheap replacement supporting custom roms while debugging on and on.

I just (now) looked at the date and BAM, it hit me: I set it to one month earlier.

Mother of god I'm stupid. Brain fart to the max.

"I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. " - Dorothy Parker

I started a months ago in a new company and I grab a horrible legacy system and what makes me more angry is they know the code isn't code and isn't fit our new reality but they don't want to refactor the same.

So which more features we produce more bugs comes along because the legacy code bugs still on there.

They aren't guitar strings. They're usually made of metal.

They're guitar wires.

Lemme just leave this here

I request the VPN credential to access to an italian big company network.
The ask me the email to send the new credentials.
I reply sviluppo@mycompany.it
They say it's not good, it's not associated only to me.
I said I'm the only developer (sviluppo) in my company.
They reply the is more secure my private gmail account.
They sent the credentials to my gmail account.

Just got an Android app project from friends, but already have a bad feeling about it.

It already start with 11 freaking screen, an input activity with 17 field(include spinners, date picker, location picker, and a freaking table). 3 different account type, each has different item and function visible to the user. 5 main feature, one of it include *chat* that supports multimedia, A freaking alarm system, both scheduled and automatic based on certain parameter with push notification, and deadline at January 1st with teams of 3 people :)

Today I got to my new office. After booting my PC I noticed, that my phone-client isn't working.

I wrote an Incident to our helpline, telling them my phone isn't working.

After one hour I got an mail:
"Dear XYZ, we couldn't reach you at your phone. Please call back so we can fix your issue"

FUCK YOU WTF! ARE YOU GUYS RETARDED? READ YOUR FUCKING INCIDENTS! MOTHERFUCKING CUNTS!

think what u want but i literally work 3 days per day

Amazing TESLA rant:
https://amp.reddit.com/r/...

I made a setting that hides your messages in a group chat. The UX guy said it would "cut down noise" to only see what others are saying.

I would like to tell you that I did this thing at gunpoint, but the truth is I did it out of malice. Sweet, sweet malice.

When the community reacted with the expected, uh, reaction... the UX guy got all the credit he deserved.

Sweet, sweet malice.

Some years back I was working in a project that essentially dealt with all things related to foreigners and foreign affairs in Switzerland. You could manage entry visas, work permits, citizenship, international warrants, Interpol requests, etc.

One of the test managers (from client side - i.e. the government) was once manually "testing" and mixed up the production and test instance, to both of which he was logged in at the time.
The test case then ended up setting up an entry ban against himself, as he used his own name for testing...

Next time he returned from vacation the border control at the airport were like "Uhm, Sir, we can't let you into the country. Please come with us." :D :D

(He managed to clear that up in end, I dare say, though, that he learned his lesson.)

Yet another someone just contacted me about having a "great idea for an app".

That's a justified rant all by itself.

/bin/meme

Poor Frank :(

Second semester

Java - OOP Course

We had to write a game, an arkanoid clone

Neat shit

And a fun course, mad respect to the Prof.

BUT

Most students, including me had this ONE bug where the ball would randomly go out of the wall boundaries for no clear reason.

A month passed, sleepless nights, no traces.

Two months later. Same shit. Grades going down (HW grades) because it became more and more common, yet impossible to track down.

3 months later, we had to submit the HW for the last time which included features like custom level sets, custom blocks and custom layouts.

So before we submit the game for review, they had pre-defined level sets that we had to include for testing sake.

I loaded that.

The bug is back.

But

REPRODUCIBLE.

OMG.

So I started setting up breakpoints.

And guess what the issue was.

FLOATING FUCKING POINT NUMBERS

(Basically the calculations were not as expected)

Changing to Ints did it's job and the bug was officially terminated.

Most satisfying night yet.

Always check your float number calculations as it's never always what you expect.

Lesson learned, use Ints whenever possible.

If doctors were like software engineers, they would say things like "Have you tried killing yourself and letting yourself be reborn?"

!dev I'd just helped a client cut over to a new fiber connection and then left for Vegas, about 2 days into the trip my wife and I decided to hit a breakfast spot that had bottomless mimosa's, which was of course a claim we had to test.

As we are walking(stumbling) out of the restaurant I get a call that the connection has crashed and the entire car dealership is unable to sell cars, which they tell me is important functionality.

So I make it up to my room and break out the laptop, luckily the mgmt interfaces are still available externally so I'm able to log in and then have the fun challenge of 1) not falling off of my chair 2) not accidentally making a change that kills what connection I have in and 3) fixing their actual issue.

Took me almost an hour to find a simple OSPF issue but at least got them working and happy. However by that time I was beginning to sober up, which is the absolute worst thing that can happen while day-drinking and ended up basically causing me to be be hung-over for the rest of the night, including my wifes friends wedding, which she wasn't thrilled about...

The moral of this story is to make sure to NOT stop drinking while dealing with unexpected production impacting events.

Everyone is on their vacation and I am in good mood so time to refactor some 3 year old frontend, angular, javascript code. After 5 minutes of looking, some great quality of code snippet on the image below.

Worst:
One fine Friday night in early '97 while drinking with my buddies I got a page from work. Called the office to understand what the problem is.
*shit I can't fix this over the phone, and buddy here doesn't have a PC so I can't dial-in via PCAnywhere*
Told told the users "Ok I'll be there in an hour and a half. Stop all the running jobs and start the backup"
*figures I still have 1hr to spare so continues to down fair amounts of O-be-joyful with buddies then hailed a cab to office*
I arrived in office 1.5hrs later (2am) exactly as I predicted and went straight to work. Initial checks confirmed my suspicion of the issue so I wrote the appropriate SQL to get started:
'drop table foobar'
***The specified table (foobar) is not in the database***
I looked at foobar and figured out immediately why I got the error, then corrected the SQL and ran again:
'drop database foobar'
***Database dropped***
*What the FUCK!!! You fucking drunk!!! What did you fucking do? What if I disappear to another country, work as a waiter or something*
After a few moments of panic and a good deal of 'What ifs' I calmed down, looked to the users and made up some bullshit "Some of the indexes are corrupted, we need to restore from the backup"

Best:
I wrote most of my '94 midterm project during weekends where me and my buddies were drunk
https://devrant.com/rants/783197/...